Posted tagged ‘NLCS jokes’

Comes a time?

October 18, 2016

Cubs looking tonight like this may not be their century either.

 

At Dodger Stadium tonight Cubs fans were chanting “We don’t quit.” I think they meant to replace the “Qu” with an “H.”

#Cubs hitters looked so lost wonder if to get in sync they’ll offer to pay #SFGiants bullpen to fly in & pitch batting practice?

Way to grow the Major League Baseball. The ALCS with Cleveland vs. Toronto is on during the day when many are at work.  And the NLCS with the Cubs vs LA is on FS1, a channel many people, and most hotels, don’t get.

Saddest thing about #NLDS is that 1 inning from #SF bullpen might have kept us from a great #Dodgers #Giants series for pennant. @MLB

About time to put pictures of the #Cubs‘ bats on milk cartons. #NLCS

If Donald Trump was a baseball coach he’d have been thrown out of the game by now.

How statesmanlike of him: John McCain “”I promise you that we will be united against any Supreme Court nominee that Hillary Clinton, if she were president, would put up.”

Scary Trump tweet of the morning. “41% of American voters believe the election could be “stolen” from DonaldTrump due to widespread voter fraud. – Politico”
What’s scariest is that Trump’s antics have convinced enough people that the tweet is accurate.

So Donald Trump is bringing President Obama’s half-brother Malik to tomorrow’s debate. Malik, 58, while still a U.S.citizen, is a Muslim who lives mostly in Kenya, has been accused of domestic violence, and has at least 3 current wives, the last who he married in 2011 when she was a teenager. Just the kind of man the Donald thinks we need more of in this country….

 

Bill Clinton’s accusers, Barack Obama’s half-brother…. who’s next for @realDonaldTrump to bring to debates. Anyone seen Tipper Gore lately?

 

Curt Schilling, upset at comparisons to his bloody sock game “Please don’t tweet at me about Bauer.He cost himself a start, likely more, AND his teammates, and fans, dicking around with a drone. #stupid

Of course there’s no comparison. Nor is there any comparison to costing the state of Rhode Island $50 million by “dicking around” with a video game company. #38Studios #stupid

 

For all those comedy writers worried about going through withdrawal for material after November 8; Curt Schilling announced today on Twitter he is going to run for the Senate in 2018 against Elizabeth Warren. #passthepopcorn

If #CurtSchilling runs for Senate in Massachusetts, how long until #ElizabethWarren  tells him to put a bloody sock in it?

Now Wikileaks’ Julian Assange is claiming that John Kerry cut off his internet at the Ecuadorian Embassy in London. And Kerry is thinking, if we had that power don’t you think we would have done it a long time ago?

Actually it turns out Ecuador temporarily restricted Julian Assange’s internet access at their embassy. Might have been easier just to switch him to Windows 2000

So tired of “urgent” fundraising emails  ” Like this one “don’t abandon Hillary, please when she needs us most” (before the last debate.)
Right about now what Hillary really needs is for Donald just to keep talking.

Marc Ragovin “Melania says Donald should be excused for his crass remarks about women because he was egged on by Billy Bush. Hey, if you can get outwitted by Billy Bush, you iz too dumb to be president.”

All they do is win

October 17, 2014

goingtokc

 

SF Giants chicks are back to digging the long ball.

 

Congrats to Travis Ishikawa. Most Americans had no clue who he was yesterday, and now he’s trending on Twitter.

 

No Cain, no Pagan, no Scutaro. Effectively no Lincecum. And no Belt or Morse for much of the year. ‪#‎cockroaches‬ ‪#‎sfgiants‬. ‪#‎worldseries‬

 

Somewhere Bob Brenly is smiling. ‪#‎redemption‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎WorldSeries‬

 

But the lead column on Fox Sports tonight.  “If you think Matheny deserves to be ripped, you’re right.”  Because of course Joe Buck’s network couldn’t say the SF Giants actually might have deserved to win this one.

Back in June heard SFGiants GM Brian Sabean say how Joe Panik wasn’t ready for the big leagues yet.   Hard to imagine how good the kid might be when he IS ready.

 

A new study finds that four areas of the San Andreas Fault in Northern California are now “overdue” for a significant quake. So why should Ebola have all the fear fun?

 

Apparently Florida Gov. Rick Scott refused to start his debate against Charlie Crist when Crist had a fan under the podium, because of a ban against electronic devices. ( Which was intended to keep them from using computers-laptops-phones….)

 

Got it. So Scott would have been okay with Crist waving a big paper fan while he talked?

 

How amazing was the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ win tonight to get to the ‪#‎WorldSeries‬? They knocked the ‪#‎NYJets‬ latest loss right off ‪#‎ESPN‬ front page.

Ann Romney said today she is still “done” with the idea of Mitt running again, but added “you know, you never do say never.” “Atta girl,” said Brett Favre.

A judge found Donald Trump “personally liable” for knowingly operating his former Trump University without a license. So the Donald is in trouble because HE didn’t have a valid certificate.

Seems like many of the same people whose retirement plan is to win the lottery are also convinced they’re going to get Ebola.

Both LeBron James and Dirk Nowitzski are saying the NBA season should be shortened from 82 games. Good thing they are stars, otherwise the two might be fined for making too much sense.

 

 

From T.C. “The NBA is considering shortening their games from 48 to 44 minutes. I’d go with 46, as it’s the last two minutes that take forever.”

Messing with Texas.

October 14, 2014

Texas Gov. Rick Perry, speaking in London, telling his English audience  “You always sound so darn smart and refined no matter what you’re saying.” And no doubt many in the crowd are thinking “It’s not just the accent that makes you sound so dumb.”

But also let me get this straight, in Texas, they are upset that the CDC and President Obama haven’t done more against Ebola. Mark this down, Texans are  Cocomplaining that the Federal Government hasn’t done enough to interfere in their state.

Really? Cowboys RB Joseph Randle was arrested last night for shoplifting underwear and cologne in at a local Dillard’s. Wonder if the reaction in Dallas front office was, well at least he didn’t hit anybody.

Apple and Facebook will now cover the costs for women employees who want to freeze their eggs and delay having children. Makes sense, why use those young and energetic years for motherhood when you can work 80 hour weeks for your company?

We’re coming up on the 25th anniversary of the Oct 17, 1989 “World Series” earthquake. Wow. They actually used to play the World Series during mid-October?

 

Alabama TE Kurt Freitag’s status is probably in jeopardy after police searched his dorm room last week and allegedly found 112 grams of marijuana and $4,661 in cash. Thinking this sort of thing presents a major recruiting opportunity for Colorado and the University of Washington.

Dodgers have now hired Andrew Friedman from the Tampa Bay Rays as their new president of baseball operations. Well, money can’t buy happiness. But Friedman may be about to see it also can’t buy chemistry.

Tickets for the Cal vs Oregon football game next Friday at Levi’s Stadium are now 2/3 off at Groupon. Might be a good time to check the place out.  With Cal’s defense and Oregon’s offense there probably shouldn’t be too much traffic leaving late in the 4th quarter.

 

The SF Giants are doing their best to give all baseball fans in the Bay Area a free cardiac stress test. ‪#‎NLCS‬

 

 

#‎SFGiants‬ won at 4 20. Anyone see what Lincecum might have been doing to start a rally in the dugout?

 

 

 

Anyone know how many ways there are to score without a base hit in baseball? ‪#‎SFGiants‬ seem bound and determined to show us ALL of them.

The Royals were almost never on ESPN or FOX during the season, and they still aren’t. But watching them the last couple weeks I find it hard to believe that this team ever lost.

Meanwhile for SF Giants (and St. Louis Cardinals) fans who were watching tonight’s KC Royals and Orioles game – – Amazing how much fun close game is when your heart isn’t set on one outcome. ‪#‎NLCS‬ ‪#‎ALCS‬

 

 

 

The NHL Florida Panthers announced attendance of 7,311 last night. Or as the Montreal Expos used to call that, a packed house.

All Bucked Up

October 13, 2014

Since NLCS games 1 and 2 weres basically being called by St. Louis home town announcers can the SF Giants Mike Krukow and Duane Kuiper call game 3 for Fox Tuesday?

 

The advantage of watching ‪#‎SFGiants‬ on FOX. All game stress is mitigated by ability to scream at TV regularly due to idiocy of Joe Buck

 

(and the above two are not sour grapes, I wrote both lines when the Giants were tied or winning.)

But okay, if anyone had told ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans that their team would have given up four home runs on mistake pitches while hitting ZERO home runs themselves, and the team would be returning to AT&T tied 1-1, (with Yadier Molina probably out for the series), they would have been ecstatic.

 

Taylor Swift quoted on the cover of People Magazine. “It would take an astonishing human being for me to even consider getting back in a relationship.” Well, either that or a bad case of writer’s block.

As bad as day as the Jets had, this week they didn’t even look like the worst team in New York. Or rather, New Jersey.

MSU #1 in the new coaches poll.  Ole Miss #3.  So a lot of sportswriters and copy editors are finally finding a use for that old M-I-S-S, I-S-S, I-P-P-I spelling chant from grade school.

USC escaped with a 28-26 win Saturday night despite 13 fourth quarter points from Arizona when the Wildcats’ kicker missed his third FG of the game, a 36 yarder with 12 seconds left. Trojan coach Steve Sarkisian said “God’s got a plan, but we’re not exactly what his plan is for us yet.” And God said, “don’t blame me for all these lousy Pac12 placekickers.”

Raiders fans egged the Chargers’ team bus as it arrived at O.co Stadium for today’s game. Fortunately, since this was Oakland, most of the eggs were intercepted.

After last night’s NASCAR race in Charlotte, Matt Kenseth and Brad Keselowski ended up fighting in the garage. If this sort of thing starts happening near the track it could double ratings.

Wonder how many Americans are so worried about ‪#‎Ebola‬ that they are now reading updates on their phones while driving?

John McCain now wants a “health care czar.” And hey, the post of Surgeon General is vacant. Why? Because Dr. Vivek Murthy, President Obama’s November 2013 nomination, hasn’t been confirmed by the Senate. Murthy’s crime, upsetting the NRA by calling guns “a health care issue” in a 2012 tweet…. ‪#‎haveyounoshame‬

 

 

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving.  A day where Canadian residents with national healthcare and reasonable gun laws look at the U.S. and feel thankful they live where they do. Of course, there’s a reason this day is in October, well before Canada deals with actual winter.

 

 

Cardinals rule

October 18, 2013

FOX has announced that all World Series games this year will take place at 8:07pm EST, except for Sunday night’s game which will start at 815p. Way to pull in children as lifelong fans…. kids on the East Coast will be lucky to make it up for 3 innings.

SF Giants fans watching tonight’s NLCS game had to be shaking their heads – who knew you were allowed to score runs on Clayton Kershaw?

Alas in the NLCS for Dodgers fans against the #stlcards, Clayton #Kershaw turned out to be no Barry Zito.

At about the 5th inning it became obvious that not even Mike Matheny giving Wacha the game ball will save the Dodgers. #beatLA

From Giants Hot Corner:  “Tonight was the first rainy, 9-0 win to clinch a NL pennant since… the Giants beat the Cardinals last year”

(Congrats to St. Louis, actually. But bet they won’t have anywhere near as cool a souvenir as the SF Giants rain globe.)

In college football, UCF (University of Central Florida) had a last minute rally to upset previously undefeated Louisville tonight, 38-35. Wonder if the Golden Knights got a congratulatory phone call from the president of the SEC?

Enterprise Rent-A-Car announced they will start renting Harley-Davidson motorcycles on the Las Vegas Strip. Great, let’s mix testosterone, motorbikes and Vegas…. With possibly alcohol.   What could possibly go wrong?

A federal air marshal was arrested yesterday at Nashville Airport for allegedly using his cellphone to take upskirt pictures of female passengers boarding a plane. If the guy wanted to see under women’s clothes, why didn’t he just get a job running TSA’s body scanners?

I must say that watching Prince Fielder play first is really making me miss watching that svelte young man Pablo Sandoval. #ALCS

From TC   “Phoenix Cardinals WR Larry Fitzgerald is enrolled in the U of Phoenix and is working on a degree in Communications. Too bad he couldn’t get QB Carson Palmer signed up as well so they could both be on the same page.”

Mitch McConnell said there will not be another government shutdown: “I think we have now fully acquainted our new members with what a losing strategy that is.” Ted Cruz said he wouldn’t rule it out and will “continue to do anything to stop the train wreck that is Obamacare.” This is beginning to remind me of some folks who brag about their parenting skills while their little darlings run amok.

So between the government being shut down and the government not being shut down is there any real difference in what Congress is not doing?

Russian airline Transaero will get its first Airbus A380 in 2015, and while they plan 12 First and 24 Business Class seats, the carrier plans to put 612 seats in economy class. Don’t tell United Airlines.

FOX has announced that all World Series games this year will take place at 8:07pm EST, except for Sunday night’s game which will start at 815p. Way to pull in children as lifelong fans…. kids on the East Coast will be lucky to make it up for 3 innings.

A woman who was working as a drug informant asked two POLICE OFFICERS she was riding with to help find a hitman to kill her husband. She was arrested when she met the “hitman”, who was an undercover officer, and gave him a shotgun. You guessed it, Florida. (Though Arizona would have been a good 2nd choice.)

Something’s got to give…

October 21, 2012

Immovable force meeting irresistible object? The SF Giants have won 5 straight games facing elimination this postseason, the Cardinals have won their last 6 dating back to 2011.

Hmm, maybe too much time in water really does soak your brain dept: On College Game Day today, Olympic gold-medal winning swimmer Ryan Lochte was asked who would win the LSU-Texas A&M game: “I think they’re gonna end their six-game losing streak in the SEC — gonna have to go with Auburn.”

Once again, as we approach game seven of NLCS interesting to remember that an ESPN poll said 68 percent of Americans figured the SF Giants wouldn’t make the playoffs after Melky Cabrera was suspended.

GOP strategist Marc Rotterman complained that the “presidential election unofficially started back in the fall of 2011, a schedule that is absurd.” Is he crazy? The election didn’t start in the fall of 2011. It started the day after Obama was elected.

So who’d a think that right this minute, Barry Zito’s contract would look better than A-Rod’s?

Big Game between Stanford and Cal was played on. October 20. Because nothing says a big rivalry game like playing it when it’s convenient for the Pac 12 Network.

Post Big-Game thought:  Cal is apparently so bad this year that Stanford can win without a quarterback.

Residents of South New Jersey apparently felt the ground shaking Saturday morning, but no earthquakes or military training exercises were reported in the region. Maybe Chris Christie has taken up jogging?

The NFL is investigating the San Diego Chargers for possibly using an illegal “Stick ’em” substance on their hands. I guess I understand the idea of cheating to be great, but cheating to be mediocre?

“It does not take any courage at all for a congressman, or a senator, or a president to wrap himself in the flag… because it is not our blood that is being shed.” George McGovern, 1970.

Some in GOP are trying to make political hay out of the fact that a man who lives near London was able to make two $5 donations to President Obama’s campaign, by using his English address but a NY zip code. Right, where was this outrage when Romney had an expensive fundraiser in Tel Aviv?

Former Red Sox pitching coach John Farrell is returning to the team as their new manager. To accomplish this, Boston had to trade infielder Mike Aviles to the Blue Jays, and presumably promise Farrell they were never bringing back Josh Beckett.

Yankees GM manager Brian Cashman today called a trade of Alex Rodriguez “unrealistic.” Translation, we don’t think even the Dodgers are crazy enough to take him.

 

If the Giants keep winning the Yankees may try to extradite them back to New York and take the team over.

Finally,  if you have three minutes check out this link sent to me by my friend Andy Dwan.  Watch it until the end.

http://gawker.com/5953357/missouri-pastors-fiery-speech-against-equal-rights-for-homosexuals-has-stunning-twist-ending

$126 Million Bargain?

October 19, 2012

So the torture continues until at least Game 6 of the NLCS, thanks to Barry Zito. Should the postseason video be titled “50 Shades of Orange?”

Okay, who would have made the bet in Las Vegas that Barry Zito started NLCS Game 5 with 7 2/3 scoreless innings tonight? Now all you liars put your hands down.

Even Jamie Moyer is thinking “I can’t believe Barry Zito is getting the Cardinals out with that junk.”

A little “inside baseball” for SF Giants fans –  Well, contrary to previous popular belief, Buster Posey can apparently catch Barry Zito.

Honestly thought that Fox has said more positive things about President Obama than they have about the SF Giants before game five.  They thought this series was over.

And so what time is that Yankees game tomorrow?

Just a question for Romney fans, if Mitt thinks he’s going to be so much better – and somehow different – from George W. Bush, why didn’t he emulate his former rival Ted Kennedy and challenge the President in the primary?

“Big Tex” the giant metal cowboy who’s greeted visitors to the Texas State Fair for 60 years, was destroyed by fire today. Devastated Texans nonetheless know that big inanimate objects can come back – witness Arnold Schwarzenegger.

According to the NY Daily News, a Yankee player said that hostile fans at Yankee Stadium affected the team in the ALCS. “A lot of guys were talking about it in the clubhouse. I was surprised by how much it bothered them. I really don’t think they ever recovered.” Gosh. Good thing the stands weren’t really full then.

Another graduate of the Todd Akin school of science: Illinois Congressman Joe Walsh told reporters it’s “absolutely” never necessary for an abortion to save the life of a mother. “With modern technology and science, you can’t find one instance .. There is no such exception as life of the mother, and as far as health of the mother, same thing.”

Oops. Did some idiot spray Big Tex? From the AP: “The maker of Banana Boat sunscreen is recalling some half-million bottles of spray-on lotion after reports that a handful of people have caught on fire after applying the product and coming in contact with an open flame.”

Fidel Castro is reportedly in a “vegetative state” after a stroke. Insert tasteless Ronald Reagan joke here: