Posted tagged ‘Disneyland jokes’

Fantasyland

March 2, 2015

An internet hoaxer posted a video of a naked man apparently jumping out of Buckingham Palace. Silly hoaxer. It would have been a lot more believable if the video had purported to show an early morning shot of a naked Prince Harry climbing back in.

You know it’s a nice ‪#‎DowntonAbbey‬ finale when you find yourself in a Christmasy mode in March.

Firefighters put out a small blaze near the “It’s a Small World” ride at Disneyland. Unfortunately for many parents, the ride was not damaged.

#‎stayclassy‬ A police officer is being sued for allegedly coercing a woman shoplifting suspect to repeatedly have sex with him or else be arrested. Nope, this is New Jersey. But hope this doesn’t give anyone in Florida ideas

 

 

While Jimmy Rollins, 37, signed with the Dodgers, he said today the NY Mets were second on his list. Guess Rollins decided he wasn’t so old that he needed guaranteed Octobers off?

Marshawn Lynch said he “expected the ball” for the Seahawks’ last Super Bowl play. And Pete Carroll is thinking, NOW he speaks, when I’d preferred him to have responded ‪#‎ImjustheresoIdontgetfined‬ .

This was Parent’s Weekend at Stanford University, and it was 70 degrees and sunny in Palo Alto. Biggest problem for students – getting their parents to leave.

 

California Senator Dianne Feinstein today called Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu “arrogant”, adding “I think that arrogance does not befit Israel, candidly.” Waiting for the first clown in the car to attack Feinstein for being anti-Jew.

 

Scott Walker on Fox News Sunday, when asked about his statement in 2013 that he could see a path to citizenship for undocumented workers, said he has changed his mind and is no longer for “amnesty.”

You know, I do believe people change their minds. But I think I’d believe these clowns a little more if just once before the primaries some politician changed his or her mind in a way that didn’t align them more with their party’s base.

The Onion has a story about American Airlines phasing out complimentary cabin pressurization. Which of course is absurd. An airline would never do that. Although no doubt American and others are racing to see who can be the first to offer “standard” air, and purified “premium” air for a surcharge.

 

Have to wonder, how many people who proclaimed Je Suis Charlie couldn’t take SNL’s relatively minor parody about a girl joining ISIS?

 

 

The winning touch?

January 24, 2015

A new poll found that 1 in 4 U.S. citizens believe God plays a role in determining which team wins sports contests. The rest of us know it’s down to lucky charms, clothes, voodoo, etc.

Fed Ex announced they have delivered the Super Bowl Lombardi trophy to Arizona, where it is now on display. If the Patriots win will they put a little dent in the football?

The NFL has apparently warned that if Marshawn Lynch grabs his crotch again for a touchdown celebration, Seattle will be fined 15 yards. Wouldn’t it be simpler to just ask the Patriots to over-inflate the Seahawks’ footballs?

Well, at least Brandon Bostick has to be happy no one is talking anymore about his muffed catch of the ‪#‎Seahawks‬ onside kick.

Although just think, had the Seahawks kicked one of those Patriot balls, Bostick might have had an easier time catching it.

And if some ways really don’t get why Deflategate is still a story. Shouldn’t the Patriots have found some lowly equipment staffer willing to fall on his sword, or rather ball, and accept responsibility by now? Or are they still working out the details of the “retirement” payout?

Northern California’s Serra High School has been banned from post-season football for two years. Because their coach announced to their opponent, at noon on the day of a December playoff consolation game, that they were forfeiting and would not play, because he “couldn’t justify a single injured player.” So in other words, risks are fine if it’s about winning. But if the game doesn’t lead to a potential championship, there’s no point.

And this is the high school where Tom Brady played football. ‪#‎lessonlearned‬

Lindsay Lohan is facing jail because she is behind on her community service. But the actress is claiming she hasn’t been able to put in the hours due to a virus she contracted while vacationing in Bora Bora. Wouldn’t it have been easier to claim measles from Disneyland?

The University of Alabama has announced that Lane Kiffin will be staying as offensive coordinator. Translation, either the SF 49ers wised up. Or didn’t offer Kiffin enough money.

 

Big sports news across the pond in England. BBC calling it maybe the biggest FA Cup shocker ever – Bradford City comes back from 2-0 down to beat Chelsea 4-2. And in the US people are going, “who’s Bradford, who’s Chelsea, and what the heck is the FA Cup?”

Great oldie but goodie line on a San Francisco bar coaster. “The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.” ‪#‎notamorningperson‬

Sarah Palin now says she is “seriously interested” in running for President in 2016. This might be the first time Palin and “serious” have been used in the same sentence.

 

Ted Cruz today in Iowa. “There are 110,000 employees at the IRS. We need to padlock that building and put every one of those 110,000 on our southern border.’ What’s more ludicrous? The idea of putting all Americans on the honor system for taxes? Or putting 110,000 accountant types with guns on the Mexican border?