Posted tagged ‘Warren jokes’

Fighting for air?

February 8, 2017

Patriots RB James White says he doesn’t know what happened to the football he scored the winning touchdown with in Super Bowl 51. “I actually don’t know what I did with it. I left it on the ground and started running.”
Well, at least there’s no way for the NFL to check if the ball was deflated.

Falcons have picked interim Crimson Tide offensive coordinator Steve Sarkisian as  their new OC. Does Atlanta know Alabama was winless in the Sarkisian area?

Golden State Warriors are rewarding their loyal season ticket holders with a 15-25% price increase next season. But just imagine how inexpensive 2017-2018 tickets will seem compared to those in the new SF arena.

 

 

A United Airlines flight from San Francisco to Kauai today developed autopilot problems and circled for hours before landing back at SFO more than 3 hours after takeoff. Now for the really important question, did passengers get extra miles for all that circling?

Hate to say it but #DeVos incompetency might limit her damage. What if Trump replaced her w/ smarter person w/ same view

While we’re changing all the rules in this country can we eliminate the 22nd amendment?

Trump this morning starts out a tweet with “I don’t know Putin, have no deals in Russia….” Does he type these with a straight face?

Trump tweeted today that he doesn’t know Putin. But in a 2013 MSNBC interview he said “I do have a relationship” with Putin.
No wonder Trump hates the media; they have this bad habit of reporting on what he says.

So Betsy Devos is now our Secretary of Education. Yeah, maybe our schools have been wrong in teaching children about the value of study and hard work as far as getting ahead. They should be teaching “How to marry a billionaire.”

Would be interesting to see how many Senators actually went or sent their children to public schools. #DeVosvote

Don’t just get mad, VOTE. Especially in school board elections. #DeVosvote

 

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when you elect a reality TV star to Congress. Wisconsin Rep. Sean Duffy (The Real Life: Boston, & Road Rules): “Look at Gabby Giffords. The Marxist, who took her life, a leftist guy, and now you see violence and terror in the streets all across America.

So Green Eggs and Ham is acceptable reading on the Senate floor but a letter from Coretta Scott King is not? #WTF?

Trump thinks “California is out of control.” Where do I get the “Out of Control Nasty California Woman T-Shirt”?

Or – “She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted,” Where’s the t-shirt?  I want one of those too.

In this corner

June 9, 2016

Justin Bieber apparently lost when he got in a fistfight with another fan after game 3 of the NBA Finals. On the brighter side, he reportedly put up a better fight than the Warriors.

When you’re down 3 to 1 in ‪#‎StanleyCupFinals‬ isn’t calling it a “must win game” redundant? ‪#‎Sharks‬

 

The way the ‪#‎SJSharks‬ play on the road vs. at home might they request the ‪#‎NHL‬ to play ‪#‎StanleyCup‬ game six in Pittsburgh?

Mac Williamson hit his first home run for the SF Giants last night. Reports were he traded a signed ball and bat for the ball. Wonder if the signed items had Posey and Bumgarner’s names on them?

My friend Darren forwards the information that the SF 49ers are favored in ZERO of their 2016 season games..  And somewhere in Ann Arbor you can hear the giggling

Colin Kaerpernick says that while he and his “team” were looking at “different opportunities”, now “I’m a 49er and excited to work with Chip and his coaching staff. ” Translation, not as if anyone else really wanted me anyway.

According to Philadelphia Magazine, 46% of voters said that the Phillie Phanatic would make a more qualified President than Donald Trump. Well, and on top of that, who doesn’t love the Phanatic?

Apparently after NBA Finals game 2, assistant coach Phil Handy went off on the Cavs with a tirade about their performance and questioned the team’s toughness. Maybe Cleveland hired the wrong coach.

#‎DraymondGreen‬ did have best line from game 3: “They came out like their season was on the line, & we came out like it was peaches & cream.”

Headline in Cleveland today? “All you don’t need is Love? ‪#‎Cavs‬ ‪#‎KevinLove‬ ‪#‎NBAFinals‬

Apparently three women are trying to raise $30 million for a super PAC titled “Women Vote Trump” So is this to support the Donald or to provide those women with mental health support?

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‪#‎PresidentObama‬ is endorsing ‪#‎HillaryClinton‬ today. Wonder if he told her in a 3 a.m. phone call?

But really, in 2007 what was less likely, that Obama would be elected, or that he would end up endorsing Hillary?

#‎HillaryClinton‬ says ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬ should delete his ‪#‎Twitter‬ account. Why? His tweets have to be one of the best things for her campaign.

 

Elizabeth Warren tonight “Donald Trump is a loud, nasty, thin-skinned fraud who has never risked anything for anyone and serves nobody but himself.” You know, Senator Warren could be really impressive if she would just stop sugarcoating things.

Springing about a yard – or a century – forward?

March 29, 2015

A man called into an Indianapolis radio station saying he supported the state’s new law and turned away a gay couple at his restaurant. “Yes, I have discriminated…they can have their lifestyle and do their own thing in their own place or with people that want to be with them.” So I presume he also asks straight couples to prove they are married, and to each other?-

 

More on Indiana. Perhaps all who don’t want any LGBTs in their businesses should put their names on a list somewhere. Because even in the Midwest, there are gay police officers and firefighters. And they would presumably like to know which business owners not to offend by entering in a emergency situation.

 

Russell Wilson is back at Spring Training with the Texas Rangers. So if he reaches third base can the Rangers call on Marshawn Lynch as a pinch-runner to score?

The ‪#‎NigelHayes‬ dictionary expedition continues  And hey, the Wisconsin Badgers may not win it all. But who knows how many of their young fans may end up learning enough SAT words to get them into college.

Tom Brady posted a “scary” video of him jumping off a cliff while on vacation in Costa Rica. But have to presume his family was in a pretty safe resort area. If Brady wants to do something really terrifying, he could always sign next with the Raiders.

A report says that major U.S. banks are so upset at Elizabeth Warren that they are considering withholding their maximum allowable $15,000 per bank donation to Democratic Senate candidates. Shocking. Does anyone think major banks can’t find a way to donate more than $15,000 to a candidate?

An Arkansas state rep has a bill to ban California wines. Because he says a new California law that bans eggs where hen cages are too small for the birds to turn around is a “substantial burden” on Arkansas’s egg industry.

Hmm. This could result in California wineries losing sales of at least a dozen boxes of wine.

Seven people were shot at a spring break party Friday night. Well, this is what comes of students going to a dangerous place like Mexico. Oh, it was Florida. ‪#‎Nevermind‬.

 

Okay, Indiana, just imagining this scene. So 13 guys want to book a table for a supper. And one of them even asks if afterwards he might have a basin and towel to wash the other men’s feet. Sounds a bit odd. Guess it’s now legal to turn them down.

 

Ouch. Timing is everything, and not always in a good way. Germanwings has pulled ads from London’s Underground subway. The slogan? “Get ready to be surprised.

Clearly the referees in the ‪#‎NCAATournament‬ realize that that reason we turn into these games is to see foul shots.

A report in a British paper indicates that Russian President Vladimir Putin has a “Internet Research Center” has employees who do nothing but flood Twitter and Facebook accounts with propaganda, each needing to write at least 130 comments a day. Another example of American exceptionalism, here the GOP can accomplish the same thing for free with people who watch Fox News.

 

So many people questioning ‪#‎WouldKentucky‬ beat some NBA teams. Maybe we should be questioning ‪#‎WouldKnicks‬ beat some of these top NCAA teams