Posted tagged ‘US open jokes’

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I’ve got another puzzle for you.

August 29, 2016

Bummer, Gene Wilder, 83,  has passed away. Although between him and Gilda Radnerthere should be some un-PC side-splitting shows in heaven coming up.

 

wonka

 

 

Hope it didn’t kill Wilder to face the possibility of an Oompa Loompa being elected president.

 

Interesting to hear commentators talk about how Colin Kaepernick’s protest might keep the suddenly desperate Dallas Cowboys from trading for him. Right, this is the same team that had no problem signing Greg Hardy. #priorities.

 

 

If #SF49ers want a less controversial backup QB than #ColinKaepernick, #MichaelVick is available. Or hey, so is #TimTebow.

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Sigh. Wasn’t that long ago that SF Giants thought Barry Bonds’ recliner was the biggest problem team could have with one of their players sitting.

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Absolutely respect #ColinKaepernick‘s views & desire to speak up. But think his execution has been as good his handling of #49ers offense.

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Figure @realDonaldTrump will soon go after #ColinKaepernick soon. Less for #49ers QB’s protest than for fact he’s stealing Trump’s headlines

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At the U.S. Open, tennis player CoCo Vandeweghe, who lost in 3 sets, refused to shake the official’s hand: “I’m frickin’ pissed. It sucks.”
Vandeweghe isn’t leaving the tournament yet: “I have doubles Doubles and mixed, that’s where I’m heading next.”
And after today I’m sure she’ll have no problems with officials going forward…..

 

#RickPerry is going to be on #DWTS?! Did someone warn him he will have to count steps?

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Ohio State suspended highly-recruited WR Torrance Gibson for the season “due to a violation of the school’s student code of conduct.” Urban Meyer says “I disagree” and adds that it was not a football or athletic dept decision.
Guess it’s time to open the pool on when Gibson will apply to transfer to an SEC school.

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#DenverBroncos just announced their opening day QB will be #TrevorSiemian. All together now – “Who?!!”
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Former Stanford student and convicted rapist Brock Turner will be released from prison Friday after 3 months. No word on where he will go.
Hmm, India might be a good fit, this from their tourism minister, while promoting a welcome kit to be handed out on arrival “There’s a card in there listing the do’s and don’ts. Basic things like, ‘Don’t go out at night alone.’ ‘Don’t wear skirts.'”

 

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The Princeton Review named University of Wisconsin-Madison the #1 party school in the USA. Well, no doubt that calls for an all-campus party tonight.

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Last Saturday night, the 911 system in Washington D.C. was down for two hours, when a contractor working on a water leak accidentally turned the master switch off. Proving again, sometimes terrorism is no match for good old fashioned stupidity.

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#AnthonyWeiner and #HumaAbedin are separating. Five words: What took her so long?

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Sure hope the people who have been attacking Hillary Clinton for not leaving Bill are nothing but supportive of Huma Abedin’s split from Anthony Weiner. #wecandream

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Donald Trump this morning “Huma is making a very wise decision. I know Anthony Weiner well, and she will be far better off without him.”
But then added “Hillary Clinton was careless and negligent in allowing Weiner to have such close proximity to highly classified information. Who knows what he learned and who he told? It’s just another example of Hillary Clinton’s bad judgment. It is possible that our country and its security have been greatly compromised by this.”
So for those who wondered how long the Donald could stay on the high road, the answer, about 15 seconds.

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So Donald Trump attacks Hillary Clinton over national security because of Huma Abedin & Anthony Weiner: Clearly a rant from a man who has no idea women can keep secrets from their husbands.

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Finally, the finale of the finals.

June 19, 2016

Best thing about ‪#‎NBAFinals‬ game 7. Tomorrow morning we wake up to nothing but baseball for a while.

 

 

Last time ‪#‎Cleveland‬ won a championship, forget the cellphones, fans had to share their enthusiasm by telegraph. ‪#‎NBAFinals‬

 

 

Maybe ‪#‎Cavs‬ win is God’s way of apologizing to ‪#‎Cleveland‬ for inflicting ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬ on the city next month with ‪#‎GOPConvention‬ ‪#‎NBAFinals‬

 

“The great, great venture capitalists who built company after company, that’s not an accident. And none of this is an accident, either. .. We’ve crushed them on the basketball court, and we’re going to for years because of the way we’ve built this team. We’re light-years ahead of probably every other team in structure, in planning, in how we’re going to go about things.”
Maybe mean bitch karma didn’t like Warriors’ owner Joe Lacob’s March 30, 2016 interview with the NY Times

 

 

Vegas has already set 2017 NBA Championshp odds. ‪#‎Warriors‬ ‪#‎Cavs‬ then ‪#‎Spurs‬ as favorites. They couldn’t even have waited until ‪#‎NBADraft‬?

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Rays fans were booing the loud chants of ‪#‎LetsGoGiants‬ in Tropicana Field. Of course one solution for teams who don’t like all the visiting ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans would be to sell out their own ballparks.

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In the first two innings of today’s ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎Rays‬ game, Jake Peavy allowed 3 hits and hit one batter. He also pitched through 3 errors, one of them his own. Anyone who figured he would pitch six innings with only 1 run allowed is someone I want on my team for Liar’s Dice.

 

For non golf fans,  Dustin Johnson put ice-water in his veins, or something, and won the U.S. Open by 3 strokes.  But the short version is that USGA officials determined a possible one-stroke penalty wouldl be assessed against him for accidentally moving a ball on the 5th  hold of the final round. . And they advised all players of this.  Johnson found out when he was on the 12th tee… But said they wouldn’t decided until after play was over if it was a penalty. Soe for the last several holes of the US Open no one on the leader board had any idea what the real score was. Seriously. There have been a lot of contenders for the title “worst officiating ever in sports” But the USGA is now winning.

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Actor Scott Baio (who?) , on President Obama ” I can’t tell if he’s dumb, he’s a Muslim or he’s a Muslim sympathizer, and I don’t think he’s dumb.”
Another graduate of the Palin “stupidity to pretend you’re still relevant” school.

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Ouch, Actor Anton Yelchin was killed last night when for some reason he got out of his car in his own driveway and it slid backward, pinning him against a brick mailbox and security fence. Clearly he should have been armed.

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In Ohio, a gun shop owner was accidentally shot dead by one of his students during a “conceal and carry class.”  The student was doing a “weapon malfunctions” drill. #youcannotmakethisstuffup

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Trump today said that we “really need to look at profiling” Muslims in this country. At the same time he wants Muslim-Americans to report if their neighbors, family and friends are acting suspiciously. Yeah, this is going to work out well.

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Steven Spielberg is planning a remake of West Side Story. Maybe for fun he might want to set it in Italy, as a family drama?

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It’s about time?

June 21, 2015

Goldman Sachs has announced that they will tell banking interns to leave the office by midnight and not return before 7 a.m., and to take Saturdays off.  By high-tech startup standards that’s practically turning them into slackers.

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Dr. John Hagee, a San Antonio pastor, said there ‘there is no greater sin in terms of wrongly using God’s name than women who use it during sex. .That is one of the filthiest, most derogatory and sinful uses of the Lord’s name I can think of. If it were up to me, I would put every single woman or girl who does that in jail,’ Leaving aside the fact that he didn’t mention men, just guessing Hagee has no personal experience of a woman crying out anything while having sex with him.

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Finally, a weekend without professional basketball. Makes sense though, the NBA had to finish before Father’s Day. ‪#‎somanychildrensolittletime‬

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Greg Oden is attempting another NBA comeback.  Might be worth the risk for more than a few teams.   And, hey, his health insurance will be covered by Medicare.

 

Have to think that non-golf fans who turned into the ‪#‎USOpen2015‬ & heard comments about “greens” were thinking  “what exactly was “green” about them?”

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Is there any stupider thing in sports for spectators to yell than “Get in the hole?” ‪#‎USOpen2015‬

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Hard to believe, but Jordan Spieth is young enough that actually he could be Tiger Woods’ son.  (He’s 21 to Tiger’s 39.) #theygrowupsofast

 

From T.C.  “Somebody hired a plane that sported a banner “CHEATER” to follow Tiger’s group at the US Open. A fan thought he saw two blond women flying the aircraft. ”

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Judy Shalom Nir-Mozas, the of Israel’s Interior Minister tweeted an “inappropriate joke” Sunday about Barack Obama, then deleted it and apologized. One thing about social media, if you’re an idiot, instead of that knowledge being confined to your family and friends, you can tell the whole world in a matter of minutes.

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Just making it clear. I have and will continue to make posts referring to the “Charleston terrorist.” I am not going to give the SOB any more of the notoriety he clearly sought by using his given name. If we’re going to use names at all it should be the names of the victims.

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Lastly, Happy Father’s Day to my dad, Jerry Hough. He once gave me a lecture because my 2nd grade teacher said I was too quiet and never spoke up in class. Who said kids never learn from their parents?

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