Posted tagged ‘Shkreli jokes’

Barely getting by

June 19, 2017

Kevin Durant is reportedly going to turn down a $28 million  player option & sign for $24 million to help Warriors keep Iguodola.    How will he feed his family?

As SF Giants stumble again vs Braves, wonder any way they can reschedule later this week to face teams in College World Series. #fairerfight

Oracle Team USA is getting beaten badly in this year’s America’s Cup. Most Americans are thinking “Wow… what America’s Cup?

 

Martin Shkreli wants judge to cut his bail from $5 million to $2 million. What a great time for PharmaBro to get lesson in market pricing.

Jet Airways is giving free travel for life for to a baby born on one of their flights. Is this really a good idea? Can only imagine how many 8-plus months pregnant women suddenly get an urge to fly.

Sorry to hear of the sad death of Otto Warmbier, 22. Apparently though his father said he went to North Korea with a Chinese tour operator who used slogans like “This is the trip your parents don’t want you to take!”
Sometimes, yes, your parents are right.

Since Trump is so against radical religious terrorism of course he tweeted about awful #FinsburyPark attack. Oh, wait, never mind.

Murder of Muslim teenager in VA will not be investigated as hate crime. Sigh. Have to wonder, what if undocumented person kills a Muslim?

(I wrote this Monday morning. As it turns out, her killer might turn out to be an illegal alien.  On top of how awful and sad her death is, this is really going to make some GOP heads explode.)

7 injured when a fight broke out on Myrtle Beach and man pulled out gun & started firing. Guess we have to reset US mass shooting clock to 0

If  Sean Spicer is fired, what makes us think Trump will even feel the need to replace him with another press secretary?   #whoneedsthepress?

Got to wonder why Trump went to #CampDavid for just one night. Maybe to see if there were any traces of the Obamas he could remove?

Never could get into the Harry Potter series, (gasp,) But may have to try again. JK Rowling tweeted a screen shot of a headline from the Daily Mail, which called the Finsbury Park attacker a “white van driver.”
Her comment “The Mail has misspelled ‘terrorist’ as ‘white van driver Now let’s discuss how he was radicalised.”

Kellyann Conway, about Trump’s tweet that he was being investigated, said that was just his way of saying “Wow, look at the irony here.'”
Uh, with all due respect, does anyone in the planet think Trump knows what irony is? Unless he thinks it’s an adjective like coppery or silvery.

Trump- “#PanamaCanal is doing quite well. I think we did a good job building it.” Now will he want Trump name on the Canal too?

When you are proud of something, you show it off, a new dress, a new baby, a new healthcare bill….#HoldtheFloor

If we stop laughing the bad guys win.

September 11, 2016

ESPN’s fantasy football app was down today.  The horror.  Many viewers were left with only being able to care about whoever actually won the game.

Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and the #Browns losing on #NFL opening week

So as we honored all those who perished on September 11, and all of the first responders, etc, with ceremonies in MLB, perhaps we could make the date more significant going forward by having it be the ONLY time in the year teams play “God Bless America” during the 7th inning?

 

After watching #SFGiants revival in Arizona, looks like there’s at least one SF Bay Area team with chance of winning Monday night.

Just maybe #SFGiants have decided to eliminate #Casilla discussions by not taking 1 run leads to the 9th? #HunterPence

So Oklahoma State fell out of the top 25 after losing to Central Michigan even though officials admitted the game should have been over before the winning play. On the other hand, OSU shouldn’t have been that close to CMU at the end of the 4th quarter.
(ditto Clemson w/ Troy and Georgia with Nicholls.)

 

Kim Jong-Un has banned sarcasm. Yeah, right.

 

So @HillaryClinton has pneumonia. Waiting for @realDonaldTrump to say when he is President he will build a wall to keep out pneumonia.

 

Just imagine what would have happened if @HillaryClinton had followed her doctor’s advice & stayed home from 9/11 memorial service. #cantwin

Meanwhile, Martin Shkreli showed up outside Chelsea’s Clinton’s apartment and actually heckled Hillary as she left after going there after the service.  Very little bipartisan agreement in this country, but can we agree that Shkreli is a poor excuse for a human being?

All of us are just guessing, really. But interesting how the same people who are positive Hillary is hiding something in her medical records are convinced there’s nothing to see in Trump’s tax returns.

In Tampa, a man tried on a bulletproof vest last night while his cousin fired a shot to see if it worked. It didn’t. One Darwin, one manslaughter charge. #ifonlytheywerearmed No wait… back on your game, Florida.

 

My writing is mostly about sports and politics, and I don’t like playing the woman card. But give me a break, folks. Of course Hillary went to the 9/11 memorial today when she was sick. She’s a woman and a mom. Women go to important things when we are sick. We take care of our kids, significant others, we go to work if work needs to be done. Whereas men, at the risk of being “grossly generalistic….” Okay, rant’s over.

Not even plausibly live?

August 9, 2016

Has @NBC figured out w/ women’s gymnastics only people who aren’t online enough to know results will be asleep by time show airs? ‪#‎Rio2016‬

Wonder which will come first, the NBC tape-delayed coverage of women’s gymnastics, or the Chinese women gymnasts hitting puberty?

Apparently there are signs at the Rio Oympics saying you cannot fish in the toilets. Organizers were worried about that possibility why? – Because it’s the cleanest water in town?

Tim Tebow has apparently been training and now hopes to pursue a career in professional baseball.Tebow hasn’t played the sport since high school so it’s probably crazy to think he could get to a major league level at this point. Though maybe Tim has a chance to catch on with the Atlanta Braves.

 

#‎TimTebow‬ is now hoping to play pro baseball, although he hasn’t played since high school. Even God is thinking Tim doesn’t have a prayer.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ manager ‪#‎BruceBochy‬ was out of the hospital and back on the bench today. Unfortunately the Giants offense is back on life support.

After 7 hits last night, the Giants’ ‪#‎BrandonCrawford‬ went 0-4 today, and struck out on his first at-bat on 3 pitches. Hope his bat didn’t have all the hits taken out of it

A man who was afraid his girlfriend would reunite with her ex called in a fake bomb threat last week before her flight to the Caribbean. He was released on bail, and apparently the couple is back together. These two just might be stupid enough to deserve each other.

In Florida, two wild tortoises were found with their shells completely painted in bright colors, and the state Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission had to issue a warning “While to you it may seem harmless, painting the shells of turtles and tortoises can severely compromise their health….”
If only the tortoises were armed. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Martin Shkreli claims he has diagnosed Hillary Clinton with Parkinson’s Disease, Well, and millions of Americans have diagnosed Shkreli with antisocial personality disorder, or in the vernacular, being a sociopath.

 

Forget ‪#‎ManyAreSaying‬. What Donald Trump really needs is to start using “Everybody’s talking”:
“Everybody’s talking at me
I don’t hear a word they’re saying
Only the echoes of my mind”

Trump is dismissing a letter written by 50 GOP national security experts, who worked for presidents from Nixon to W. which said “None of us will vote for Donald Trump.:
The Donald said the letter was “politically motivated” and that the experts “deserve the blame for making the world such a dangerous place.” Wait a minute, I thought that was Hillary and Obama’s fault?

Donald Trump at a rally today, “Hillary wants to abolish the 2nd amendment. ..If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks — although the 2nd Amendment people, maybe there is.”
If this guy were anything other than the Presidential nominee of a major political party the Secret Service would have made sure he was locked up a long time ago.

 

Possible @RealDonaldTrump is tired of this president thing; just trying to see how outrageous he can be before he is forced out of race?

Okay, I am generally liberal and proud of it. But a Muslim flight attendant is suing ExpressJet, a commuter airline that works with United Airlines and others, saying they suspended her for refusing to serve alcohol. Uh, so what’s next, she will apply for a job in a bar and then sue them too?

A little good news

December 18, 2015

Martin Shkreli, the infamous CEO of Turing Pharma who raised the price of an AIDS pill by over 5,000% was arrested today on charges of securities fraud. Mean bitch karma for the win!

 

Disney has announced that due to security concerns, visitors over the age of 14 will no longer be able to wear costumes in their theme parks, even on Halloween. Well, that’s just Goofy.

 

New Walt Disney theme park enhanced security will mean no costumes, no toy guns (including light sabers?), and metal detectors at the entrances. Although if they really want to keep people safe Disney could just threaten anyone arrested as a terror suspect with being locked for hours inside “It’s a Small World.” ‪#‎torture‬

So will ‪#‎Adele‬‘s next sad song be about trying to buy tickets to her own concerts?

 

The San Francisco school district apparently got an email threat similar to the one sent to Los Angeles and NY, but decided to stay open. So sorry kids, looks like closing down your school is no longer an alternative to studying for finals.

According to TMZ, RIchard Simmons has refused to go out in public for two years because he no longer wants to be famous. And most Americans at this point are saying “Who?”

Two quarterbacks in a week have decided to transfer from Texas A&M. And at 49ers headquarters Kaepernick and Gabbert are wondering “You can do that?”

Glenn Beck says if Donald Trump is nominated – “you are going to see an end to the Republican Party.” Hmm. Promise?

 

Ben Carson is canceling planned trips to Israel, Nigeria, Kenya and Zambia, citing “security concerns.” So the good Doctor can stay in the U.S. and slam President Obama for not providing courageous leadership?

 

 

When police arrested two suspects for allegedly stealing Amazon packages off of porches, one of them had a nicely written daily “to do” list with her – including “kiss mom n tell her she’s loved, ” (aw) “shop-lift” (‪#‎cantfixstupid‬) And no, not Florida. San Diego.

 

 

 

 

From T.C. “MLB Commissioner Manfred has upheld the ban on Pete Rose being associated with any Major League baseball team. Rose is considering applying for a position with The Seattle Mariners.”