Posted tagged ‘tape delay jokes’

Not even plausibly live?

August 9, 2016

Has @NBC figured out w/ women’s gymnastics only people who aren’t online enough to know results will be asleep by time show airs? ‪#‎Rio2016‬

Wonder which will come first, the NBC tape-delayed coverage of women’s gymnastics, or the Chinese women gymnasts hitting puberty?

Apparently there are signs at the Rio Oympics saying you cannot fish in the toilets. Organizers were worried about that possibility why? – Because it’s the cleanest water in town?

Tim Tebow has apparently been training and now hopes to pursue a career in professional baseball.Tebow hasn’t played the sport since high school so it’s probably crazy to think he could get to a major league level at this point. Though maybe Tim has a chance to catch on with the Atlanta Braves.

 

#‎TimTebow‬ is now hoping to play pro baseball, although he hasn’t played since high school. Even God is thinking Tim doesn’t have a prayer.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ manager ‪#‎BruceBochy‬ was out of the hospital and back on the bench today. Unfortunately the Giants offense is back on life support.

After 7 hits last night, the Giants’ ‪#‎BrandonCrawford‬ went 0-4 today, and struck out on his first at-bat on 3 pitches. Hope his bat didn’t have all the hits taken out of it

A man who was afraid his girlfriend would reunite with her ex called in a fake bomb threat last week before her flight to the Caribbean. He was released on bail, and apparently the couple is back together. These two just might be stupid enough to deserve each other.

In Florida, two wild tortoises were found with their shells completely painted in bright colors, and the state Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission had to issue a warning “While to you it may seem harmless, painting the shells of turtles and tortoises can severely compromise their health….”
If only the tortoises were armed. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Martin Shkreli claims he has diagnosed Hillary Clinton with Parkinson’s Disease, Well, and millions of Americans have diagnosed Shkreli with antisocial personality disorder, or in the vernacular, being a sociopath.

 

Forget ‪#‎ManyAreSaying‬. What Donald Trump really needs is to start using “Everybody’s talking”:
“Everybody’s talking at me
I don’t hear a word they’re saying
Only the echoes of my mind”

Trump is dismissing a letter written by 50 GOP national security experts, who worked for presidents from Nixon to W. which said “None of us will vote for Donald Trump.:
The Donald said the letter was “politically motivated” and that the experts “deserve the blame for making the world such a dangerous place.” Wait a minute, I thought that was Hillary and Obama’s fault?

Donald Trump at a rally today, “Hillary wants to abolish the 2nd amendment. ..If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks — although the 2nd Amendment people, maybe there is.”
If this guy were anything other than the Presidential nominee of a major political party the Secret Service would have made sure he was locked up a long time ago.

 

Possible @RealDonaldTrump is tired of this president thing; just trying to see how outrageous he can be before he is forced out of race?

Okay, I am generally liberal and proud of it. But a Muslim flight attendant is suing ExpressJet, a commuter airline that works with United Airlines and others, saying they suspended her for refusing to serve alcohol. Uh, so what’s next, she will apply for a job in a bar and then sue them too?

Getting late early.

August 7, 2016

Guessing ‪#‎MichaelPhelps‬‘ next retirement speech will be breaking news before @NBC shows most of his ‪#‎Rio2016‬ performances.

Just wonder, if NBC is so sure that women prefer packaged events, why don’t they do two Sunday Night Footballs?  One for guys, and another Monday night with twice as many commercials and edited highlights along with personal stories about the players?

Olympic rowing has been canceled today due to high winds. On a brighter note maybe the wind will blow some of the sewage away.

An Olympic kayaker apparently capsized today when he ran into a sofa. Well, at least the sofa didn’t have a body on it.

So @NBC thinks women don’t care about live sports. or might need to get up early. Top ‪#‎Rio2016‬ events tape delayed  past 1130p. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Serena and Venus Williams were bounced in the first round of the women’s doubles at the Rio 2016 Olympics. Although by the time NBC gets around showing it on tape delay no doubt one of them will already have won another tournament.

#‎MadisonBumgarner‬ has lost 2 complete games 1-0 in 2016. More complete games than most pitchers throw all season. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

#‎ARod‬ will retire Friday. So he’ll be contributing about as much to the ‪#‎Yankees‬ offense as he has been all season.

 

#‎ARod‬ released by ‪#‎Yankees‬. He will serve as an “advisor”but technically he could sign w/ another team. ‪#‎SFGiants‬ not that desperate. Yet.

Having traded two star relievers and with A-Rod retiring, the Yankees are becoming a team of no-names. But those no-names will still get a lot more national TV exposure than the players on the division leading Orioles, Indians and Rangers.

 

Quite a love fest from former 49ers players etc for Eddie Debartolo on his election to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. But not much mention of 1992 allegations of him sexually assaulting a waitress in California, and the reported $200,000 out-of-court settlement. Boys will be boys and owners will be owners?

Jeb Bush’s son George P. Bush, a Texas Land Commissioner, is now saying his fellow Republicans should support Donald Trump. And somewhere W. is thinking, “now who’s the stupid one?”

Oliver North is attacking Obama over an alleged ransom payment to Iran for hostages. So Ollie thinks the President was too wimpy to send them arms instead?

 

John Kasich has indicated he can’t support Donald Trump, and it will be “very very difficult” for Trump to win Ohio. But Kasich also says he thinks a Clinton White House would result in “total gridlock.”
As opposed to what we have now?

 

Donald Trump announced that he would ‘walk’ from Japan, Germany, South Korea and other allies if they don’t commit to defending America and or paying their “fair share” of NATO fees.
This guy is gunning for a new game “Trump Insult Bingo.” Wouldn’t be hard to win.

 

From T.C., as it approaches football season: “Seattle head coach Pete Carroll has been given a three-year extension with the Seahawks.  Owner Paul Allen figures that should be more than enough time for Carroll to design a play that will score a TD from the one-yard line.” . . .