Posted tagged ‘astros jokes’

Go ‘Stros

November 1, 2017

It was less than 4 1/2 years ago when Matt Cain with #SFGiants threw a perfect game against then the worst team in baseball.

But hey, Astros have been bad so long that the stadium they were named for was built & torn down before they won World Series. #Astrodome

I officially love A.J. Hinch. Letting his pitcher bat in 9th with a 4 run lead. #Dancewiththemthatbrungyou

Fox talking about Jr. Home Run Derby during Altuve AB’s seemed somehow wrong. Most of these kids are taller than him.

 

Los Angeles Dodgers opening day 2017 payroll, $242 million. Houston Astros opening day 2017 payroll, $124 million.  Just saying.

Carlos Correa, with his post game 7 marriage proposal made most women go “aww…”  and most men hoping to pull off the ultimate marriage proposal thinking – “Thanks for setting impossible bar,   a**hole.”

 

On brighter note for LA fans , children in Africa are going to be getting really good looking blue & white Dodgers World Series Champions gear.

Also on brighter note, the 104 win 2017 LA Dodgers did get further than the 116 win 2001 Seattle Mariners.

Not a Dodgers fan, but as a baseball fan have to feel for for Yu Darvish. A class act.

Browns WR Josh Gordon has been conditionally reinstated to the NFL. Let’s hope he doesn’t go to Colorado to celebrate.

Actually while NFL conditionally reinstates Josh Gordon maybe they drug-test members of Browns staff involved in botched AJ McCarron trade?

Papa John’s, official NFL pizza company, thinks player protests hurting their profits. What if Papa John’s & NFL just have lousy product?

David Shaw says in Stanford-OSU game -“It was a gut feeling to stick with Keller Chryst.” Uh, coach Shaw, there are antacids for that.

Another day, another powerful man (men)  accused of sexual assault. Another reason maybe we need to have more women in charge?

John Kelly-“Robert E. Lee gave up his country to fight for his state.” Uh, Benedict Arnold gave up new country to fight for his 1st country.

 

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Before victims are buried from New York Terrorist Attack we’ve got at least two dead in shooting at Colorado Walmart. Nothing to see here. #Murica

And meanwhile, as Trump goes on immigration tirade, 2 are dead on street in NYC East Village from apparent murder-suicide shooting.   More #Murica

Always too soon to start talking climate change or gun control…. Never too early for @realDonaldTrump to start spewing hate.

 

Seeing #TheLionKing trending & happy to see it’s a new Disney movie w/great cast. Not documentary on @realDonaldTrump – #TheLyingKing

Laura Bush on the Trump family “I wish them the very best.” Is that Texan for “Bless their hearts?”

Don Jr. wants Chloe to give away candy to teach her about socialism. To teach her about zoology does he show her pics of animals he’s shot?

No joke, Trump wants to name his tax reform plan “The Cut Cut Cut Act.” Because “Millionaire Relief Act” doesn’t have the same ring to it?

Thinking back to Nixon and Watergate. US did get rid of Agnew first. Maybe we should start working on Pence?

Long and the short of it?

October 22, 2017

So if the Astros win the World Series will they ask Altuve if he is going to Disneyland? Even though he’s not tall enough for most of rides?

Verlander named #ALCS MVP. Dodgers trying to talk to SF Giants to see if there’s any way they can somehow still trade for Pablo Sandoval.

 

Confused about all these tweets about #TheWalkingDead Is everyone talking about the #49ers or #Browns?

 

Well, at least Falcons didn’t break their fans’ hearts tonight vs. Patriots.

Took OT to do it but Browns held serve on their quest for 0-16.     Though they were more than matched by 49ers.

After 0-2 start, Saints are 4-2 and in first place in NFC South. Hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse.

Looking like all Cowboys starters could have knelt for anthem, been benched, and Dallas would still have beaten 49ers.

 

With Justin Timberlake doing Super Bowl half time assume it’s too much to hope for that he might do a version of “D*ck in a box?

Maybe it would be faster and easier if all the women in Hollywood who WEREN’T assaulted by Harvey Weinstein came forward?

All these outraged at Federica Wilson calling out President, didn’t seem to have a problem when it was Joe Wilson calling Obama a liar during the State of the Union.

So Weinstein case somehow taints all Democrats, but O’Reilly case is a witch hunt & not like he ever did anything for GOP anyway. #WTF?

WH insists it’s inappropriate to criticize four-star general. Except Colin Powell, John Allen & any others who disagree with Trump.

Jimmy Carter “media harder on Trump than any other president.” Puts Trump in tough position, dare he tell base he agrees w/Jimmy Carter?

 

 

First Harvey Weinstein, then Roy Price, now James Toback. Wonder what other Hollywood men are worried about being next?

John McCain, reminding many of us again how in the pre-Palin days he used to be our favorite Republican: “One aspect of the (Vietnam) conflict by the way that I will never ever countenance is that we drafted the lowest income level of America and the highest income level found a doctor that would say that they had a bone spur….”

From TC   “NBA coach Gregg Popovich has blasted Dotard many times. I wonder if he may offer tribute to him by suggesting to rename his team “The San Antonio Bone Spurs”.

 

Not in our pool?

October 1, 2015

The Houston Astros control their own playoff destiny this weekend in Arizona. So what are the D’backs doing about it – putting a shark in the pool?

On a lighter note, former SF Giants catcher and current Dbacks announcer Bob Brenly apparently had a good time with a sorority group taking nonstop selfies at last night’s game -“Better angle—that’s the best out of the 300 I’ve taken today—welcome to parenting 2015—oh wait, let me take a selfie with the hot dog…” I miss Brenly.

Apple watches are so far under-performing the company’s expectations. Makes some sense, the demographic that is old enough to think they need to wear a watch, is too old to figure out how to use the damn Apple things.

A new study says that “phubbing – (phone snubbing) a significant other frequently can damage romantic relationships and increase depression. Wonder how many people told their partners this and got “Honey, what did you say? I was answering a text.”

Jeremy ‪#‎Affeldt‬ says he will retire at end of season’s end. Guess he wants to spend more time getting injured with his family ‪#‎SFGiants‬

Staples says that they are going to resist the trend of opening on Thanksgiving and will remained closed this year on the holiday. Good of them. But really, who wakes up in the morning and says “Ooh, let’s go shopping for office supplies”?

Five-star forward Wenyen Gabriel announced today he is committing to Kentucky for basketball. Good news for John Calipari. But can we stop referring to them as “recruiting classes.” Nothing about Calipari’s recruiting is about classes..

The NCAA found that guard Keith Frazier passed an online course to meet NCAA initial eligibility standards and be admitted to the university, but that an admin had logged in as him and completed all the work. Frazier told ESPN “I didn’t even know what was going on. I didn’t know she was doing that class for me.I wasn’t aware of that.”
He might be telling the truth – “You mean I had course work?”

John Boehner has started damage control after Kevin McCarthy intimated that the Benghazi hearings were politically motivated. And I’ll bet the speaker is gleefully thinking “30 more days, 30 more days…..”

Kentucky Governor Steve Beshear is describing county clerk Kim Davis’ reasons for not granting marriage licenses to gay couples as ‘absurd’ and ‘obtuse.: Wonder how many critics are complaining about Beshear using foreign words.

From Bill Littlejohn: “September was the NFL’s first no-arrest month in six years.Except for the 49ers Super Bowl chances going into cardiac arrest.”

The ‪#‎Oregon‬ shooter was a 20 something white male. Surprisingly, alas, almost no one.  –

Maybe the law change we really need to make to reduce mass shootings in this country is to make it illegal for any man under 30 to own more than a single-shot hunting rifle.

It’s seriously a real shame that the serious mental health issues weren’t a major worry when the U.S. was founded. Because had something been put in an amendment, just MAYBE the GOP would be as fervent about mental health rights as they are about gun rights. Well, we can dream anyway.

Too many questions and too much we don’t know about today’s shooting in Oregon. One question for those who support gun rights: Okay,I get your right to hunt and to protect yourself. But how in the world does that necessitate having an assault weapon?