Posted tagged ‘American Airlines jokes’

Youth and skill…

May 16, 2013

Are sometimes overrated.  Signed the old and treacherous San Antonio Spurs.  (But nice try, Warriors.)


Who’s rooting hardest for the New York Knicks to stay in the NBA playoffs? Might be the Mets and Jets. As long as the Knicks are alive it keeps their problems off the front page.

Former Oakland Raider 1st round draft pick Rolando McClain, 23, just retired after signing with the Ravens. But McClain, who’s been arrested 3 times in 2 years, says he’s only leaving football to get his personal life in order and “God willing,”might play in the NFL again. Right, because nothing helps you get things together than having millions of dollars and nothing to do.


(An interesting aside, Ryan Duca points out that dating back 10 years, the Raiders have zero 1st or 2nd round picks that they made still on the roster.)


The White House would really like to get these negative stories off the front page. Wonder how much they’ve offered to have Carnival Cruise Lines strand another ship somewhere?


A bipartisan House committee says say have an agreement “in principle,” on immigration reform. What?! How did they find the time with all these more important questions to deal with like Benghazi and the IRS tea party targeting? .

Another thought about the IRS and targeting potential conservative tax-exempt organizations. Yes, again, stupid. But if the agency had that much political power wouldn’t they have taken away the exemption for Karl Rove’s “Crossroads GPS?”

Hillary Clinton has been announced as a speaker for the ASTA travel agent convention this September. And no doubt Bill has told her “Honey, you need to travel and see as many vacation destinations as possible beforehand.”


The latest player caught in baseball’s testing program is a Marlins minor league pitcher who has been suspended 50 games. If you have to cheat and you can’t even make the Miami Marlins roster, maybe it’s time to find a new career choice.


WTF? Dick Cheney on Benghazi: “In my past experience when we got into these situations — especially after 9/11 — we were always there, locked and loaded, ready to go on 9/11.” So after Benghazi who does Cheney think Obama should have invaded?

Florida is trying to get rid of gambling machines, which some think means they should shut down games inside Chuck E. Cheese. Although patrons would still be gambling that they could find anything edible.

Alabama coach Nick Saban said that former assistant coach Tim Davis’s calling him “the devil himself” was “terribly disappointing.” I believe Saban prefers the term “God.”

MLB is thinking of expanding video review in 2014 and possibly making all calls other than balls or strikes subject to instant replay. Stand by for Yankees-Red Sox games going from four to five hours.

David Beckman has announced his retirement.  Once again Brett Favre responded: “the first time is the hardest.”


American Airlines is trying something smart. Allowing passengers whose only carry-on item fits under the seat to board early, in hopes of avoiding the slowdown when folks try to get their suitcases overhead. Now the fun, watching passengers insist their large bags fit under the seat…..

Now, on the other side of smart,  American managed to lose a box containing a gold worth $625,000 at Miami International Airport.  The airline believes it was stolen after it was unloaded onto the tarmac.

And here you thought it was just your cheap luggage they couldn’t keep track of….


From Bill Littlejohn:  San Francisco pitcher Jeremy Affedlt discovered a clerical error from earlier in his contract and, as a result, returned $500,000.00 back to the Giants.A similar situation with Alex Rodriguez might involve the return of the Louisiana Purchase.

Venezuela, which has been dealing with all kinds of consumer goods and food shortages, now has a shortage of toilet paper. Insert “deep doo-doo” joke here:


Missed it by that much.

April 17, 2013

Who in the media are making the decisions to go with this ever increasing number of incorrect  Boston stories? Have to assume their prior careers with the airlines announcing things like ‘brief delay,” and “we’ll be boarding in a few minutes.”

American Airlines says their flights are “back to normal” after a computer glitch grounded all their planes yesterday. On the other hand, American has been named the official airline of Carnival Cruise Lines.

Got to love that most of today’s GOP thinks you should be able to buy a gun with no background checks, but heaven forbid if you want to something REALLY dangerous, like voting.

If as an SF Giants fan I have to wish the New York Yankees well for playing SweetCaroline last night, It is convenient that they’re playing the NL West AZ D’backs.

No arrests as of Wednesday night in the Boston marathon bombings yet. In the meantime, if you are a man in Boston interested in buying a good-sized pressure cooker, might be a good idea to wait a week.

So a compromise proposal to expand gun background checks “lost” in the Senate as the vote was 54 for and 46 against. 54-46?! Whatever happened to majority rule?

Phil Jackson is reportedly ready to end his latest coaching retirement. Even Brett Favre is saying, “Dude, give it up already.

Tonight is last night of #NBA regular season. So this means only 3-4 months until the playoff finals?

The National Republican Congressional Committeesaid they will not be putting any more money into Mark Sanford’s congressional race. Allegedly because the GOP was caught “off guard” by Jenny Sanford’s trespassing charges and worry other damaging revelations about his personal life could emerge before the election. Gosh, and why would they doubt Mark at this point?

American Airlines apologized for their computer glitch that grounded flights yesterday. Wonder how long it will take them to add a “computer maintenance” fee?


More proof that women are tougher than men: WNBA #1 pick, Britney Griner, about sexuality and sports – “I wouldn’t say I was hiding or anything like that. I’ve always been open about who I am and my sexuality. If I can show that I’m out and I’m fine and everything’s OK, then hopefully the younger generation will definitely feel the same way.”


From my friend Alex Kaseberg   “The movie ’42’ is out.  It is a movie about Jackie Robinson, so it is about class, courage, grace and dignity. Or as it is also known: ‘The Not Alex Rodriguez Story.’ ”


Another story on “Sweet Caroline” last night.  We may hate other teams on the field, but we are all Americans:

Almost 20 years ago today.

October 2, 2012

19 years ago today, the SF Giants needed to win their 104th game of the year against the LA Dodgers to reach the postseason. Whatever you say about Barry Zito, he’s no Salomon Torres.


Bummer ending for Dodgers fans. That may be the last time many of them stick around for the ninth inning.


Of the teams with the seven highest payrolls in MLB, not counting the Dodgers after their big trade, four of them didn’t make the playoffs this year. (Yes, Phillies, Red Sox, Angels and Marlins, I’m talking about you.)

Bristol Palin is on DWTS again? She wasn’t even a star the first time. Guess she really wants to show young girls that becoming a teen mom can ruin your life.

A video of Paul Ryan in 2011 has him saying “70% of Americans want the American Dream. Only 30 % want the welfare state.” Does that mean Mitt figures 17% of Americans got lazier in the past year?


NY  GM Brian Cashman said he would like the team to win its 28 World Series as one last gift to his late father, who was a big fan and passed away in September. “How sweet” said children of Yankee fans. “Oh STFU,” said children of Cubs fans.

MLB has said it could be FRIDAY until game times for Saturday are announced.   Basically so they can assure that NY will be in primetime.  Yankees suck!

Mitt Romney said today he would honor the temporary visas President Obama granted to some illegal immigrants. Some conservatives were up in arms, others just laughed and decided to wait for next week.

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said today last night’s loss “I couldn’t be more disappointed.” And Cowboys fans said “Well, unless you paid your hard-earned money for tickets to that debacle.”

New Orleans Hornets basketball player Lance Thomas says he doesn’t think he violated any NCAA rules when he bought almost $100,000 in diamond jewelry during his Duke college career. What’s his defense? “It was Duke, didn’t everybody?”

Ohio State and TCU have signed up to play a “home and home” football series in 2018-19. Of course the way the Big Ten has been playing lately, maybe it’s TCU who considers the Buckeyes “the Little Sisters of the Poor.”


Rough week for American Airlines, now with a flight from Chicago to London needing to divert to Shannon because of a “smoky odor” coming from an overheated fan. Stand by for the merged United-Continental Airlines’ new motto – “We suck less.”

A fire damaged a home in Berkeley, CA and resulted in an entire block losing power after a seagull flew into a power line. Wonder how long it will take residents to protest having power lines where birds can fly into them.

From Marc Ragovin:   The Bikini Basketball League is gearing up for its inaugural season. Fans will be rooting for strings of wins, and losses of strings.

Jokes on trains, planes, but no automobiles…

December 23, 2009

For the second time in less than a week, Blackberry users suffered major outages with email messages on their phones. The outages lasted several hours Tuesday night/Wednesday morning and were apparently caused by high holiday communication volumes.. Wonder how many outgoing messages were “Dear Santa, bring me an IPhone?”

American Airlines passengers apparently escaped serious injury Tuesday night when their plane way overshot a runway in Kingston, Jamaica and crashed into a fence. American has offered, however, both to cover medical bills and to credit passengers’ accounts with the extra frequent flier mile.

Apparently Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez have ended their relationship. Apparently A-Rod felt that Kate cared too much about appearances and camera time. And she was beginning to think she was as pretty as him.

Isn’t Alex Rodriguez saying someone is obsessive about their image like Sarah Palin issuing a press release complaining that the media won’t leave her alone?

New Fighting Irish football coach Brian Kelly says the Notre Dame program has “some things that need to get fixed,” but that it is “not broken.” I think to paraphrase an ex-president “It depends on the what the definition of broken is…”

Penn State coach Joe Paterno celebrated his 83rd birthday yesterday. While preparing for his team’s appearance in the Capital One Bowl Jan 1, He took time out to wish good luck in the Gator Bowl to his young friend Bobby Bowden.

Eurostar cancelled all Chunnel train service last weekend, stranding thousands of holiday travelers. They are starting a reduced schedule Tuesday to and from London with limited service through December 28. Hard to believe but they have accomplished the impossible – making Amtrak look good.

“Snuggies”, the blankets with arms, are flying off the shelves at most retailers. It’s an all-purpose gift; if a man gets one as a romantic gift for his wife instead of jewelry, he can use it himself when he sleeps on the couch.

When things are annoying you it’s important to keep perspective. Just think of all those people after the 2008 U.S. Open playoff with Rocco Mediate who were complaining about too much Tiger Woods coverage.

And this was forwarded me by a friend.

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality,pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again.. At this point it’s best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.