Posted tagged ‘WBC jokes’

Keep calm and f*ck terrorism

March 22, 2017

lego

 

 

My favorite city in the world. And yes I would go back tomorrow. If we stop traveling the bad guys win.

This mural, btw,  is made completely out of Lego, in the London store – Leicester Square.

Wow. A reasonable and measured response. Maybe the rumors that Tillerson won’t last long as Secretary of State in this administration are true. “We condemn these horrific acts of violence, and whether they were carried out by troubled individuals or by terrorists, the victims know no difference,”

It’s always awful when innocent people are hurt. But Britain has very tight gun laws, at least London assailant wasn’t armed.

 

Four murdered, including a police officer, until the suspect himself was shot by police. Not just London, but today in Wisconsin. The suspect is an American man with a gun. Move along, nothing to see here.

CNN reports FBI has information indicating Trump campaign associates communicated “with suspected Russian operatives to possibly coordinate the release of information damaging to Hillary Clinton’s campaign.”
#Fakenews tweet from Donald in 3.2.1….

Ghanaian Soccer player Mohammed Anas, who made headlines when he thanked his wife AND girlfriend during an interview now says “My family knows that I call my daughter my girlfriend. That’s what I was talking about. I don’t have a girlfriend.”
Is Anas trying for a post in the Trump administration?

Trumpcare will not have a requirement to cover mental health. While Congress also reduces gun regulations. What could possibly go wrong?

 

Puerto Rico has seen enough of Brandon Crawford.  Late in tonight’s game what they really wanted to see is the 2016 SF Giants’ bullpen. #WBC

Just guessing  Ian Kinsler, who hit a home run after bashing Puerto Rico’s style of play, might want to plan his next Caribbean vacation somewhere other than San Juan?

Almost didn’t recognize Dodger Stadium for #WBC championship tonight. Stands were basically full in first inning. @espn

#BeckyHammon is apparently a finalist for the head coaching job at Florida. Alas it’s the women’s team. She can coach men. @Spurs

Roger Goodell says that the NFL will address when a commercial is followed by a kickoff and then followed by another commercial. “I hate that, too. Our goal is to eliminate it.”
By just running longer commercials after kickoffs?

 

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One brief shining minute.

March 7, 2017

So if the Cavs win it all this year, does Andrew Bogut get a ring?

(Bogut was injured about 30 seconds into his first game with Cleveland.)

Your tax $$ at work. Andrew Bogut, before his injury,  couldn’t practice before game w/ #Cavs today because of work visa issues. Ah those scary Australians.

After Kawhi Leonard’s 39 point performance tonight in a 112-110 win over the Rockets, which included a late clutch three, a block and then two game clinching free throws, the Spurs star got chosen for a “random” drug test. Will the test reveal if Kawhi was born on this planet?

Israel beat South Korea and Taipei in #WorldBaseballClassic. Shocking even serious baseball fans who didn’t realize Israel had a team in #WBC

GM to lay off 1,100 in Michigan. Somehow I missed the Trump tweet taking credit.

The Israeli cabinet approved a plan to decriminalize marijuana. Cool. Two words: kosher Doritos.

Meanwhile, in England, parliament is debating a ban on high heels in the workplace. Seems to me there’s a simple solution, high heels can be a required part of the dress code if men have to wear them too..

#BenCarson talks about “immigrants who came here in bottom of slave ships.” Proving again. even med schools have share of #cantfixstupid

 

Somehow I must have missed Ben Carson talking about the immigrants who built those grain silos in Egypt.

So now Kellyanne Conway says of Trump’s claim that Obama wiretapped Trump Tower “He’s the President of the United States. He has information and intelligence that the rest of us do not.”
Forgetting perhaps that Trump doesn’t believe in intelligence briefings?

The chaotic first Trump travel ban was immediate because “if the ban were announced with a one week notice, the ‘bad’ would rush into our country during that week.” The revised ban signed today takes effect March 16. So the “bad dudes” have slowed down?”

The U.S. Soccer Federation has a new policy that says national team players “shall stand respectfully” during national anthems.
So good to see such a fine upstanding sport as soccer is focused on what’s really important.

So it’s $200,000 to get into #MaraLago & hang out w/ Trump on weekends. What’s the price for where he’s planning to spend summer weekends?

 

Reducing # of insured by 20 million in US will take care of some of Social Security deficit. Can’t collect benefits when dead.

The GOP proposal to replace Obamacare would allow insurers to charge 30% more to anyone who goes without coverage for more than 2 months, or to anyone who turns 27 and doesn’t immediately buy their own insurance.
But this isn’t a mandate. The same as the travel EO isn’t a Muslim ban. #sarcasm

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And you’re out.

March 16, 2013

So with the USA bounced out of the World Baseball Classic does that mean we need to put an asterisk on “World Series Champions?”

The Dominican Republic is doing so well in the WBC that the Yankees are trying to figure out if there is any way to buy the team.  Or as my friend Jim Barach says, maybe just buy the entire country.

So will a silver lining of this USA World Baseball Classic loss mean that the U.S. will finally get around to declaring Puerto Rico the 51st state?

One good thing about Notre Dame’s day-glo basketball uniforms. They make the Oregon Ducks’ uniforms look positively restrained.

Image

And as the Irish discovered tonight in their 69 to 57 loss to Louisville.  It’s not always easy being green.

Meanwhile, on the outskirts of Cancun, six people were killed and five were wounded when two masked men shot up a bar. And Carnival Cruise Lines said “See, it could be worse.”

Mitt Romney gave a speech at CPAC that sounded like he was still running for President. Well, suppose that makes at least as much sense as Paul Ryan acting with his budget like he and Mitt won.

Senator Ted Cruz of Texas was actually born in Canada. So when are we going to see conservative critics talking about his un-American vision?

And wonder how many of the conservatives who are criticizing Ohio senator Rob Portman’s new support of gay marriage, are the same folks screaming about too much government control over our lives?

In a speech to CPAC, Donald Trump criticized many in the the GOP, and added that immigration reform could be a “suicide mission” for Republicans. Though what the Donald is really unhappy about is that the party didn’t undertake the suicide mission of nominating him for President.

Quote of the day: “In our country today, if you’re born poor, if your parents didn’t go to college, if you don’t know your father, if English isn’t spoken at home, then the odds are stacked against you. You are more likely to stay poor today than at any other time since World War II,” So is it time to switch parties for the speaker? His name – Jeb Bush.

Seacrest out?  .

Ryan Seacrest 38, and Julianne Hough. 24,  are not only not getting married, they’ve apparently broken up after two years together. . Well, that ought to do wonders for the gay rumors?

Countdown to madness.

March 10, 2013

One week until Selection Sunday for March Madness. Meaning in many American offices, these upcoming five work days will be the last productive ones for some time.

One nice thing about daylight savings time: Okay, so we lost an hour of sleep. But we’re one hour closer to MLB opening day!

Jeb Bush now says he didn’t really believe what he wrote in his book – that undocumented immigrants should not be eligible for a path to citizenship . Because he wrote the book last year, at a time when the immigration debate “was dramatically different.” Looks like the “Etch a Sketch” has been passed to a new generation.

 

WBC has had some good games. But the only way most folks in the USA will care about the tournament is if their team gets to the championship game.

Is there any less useful statement in sports than fans yelling to a golf ball “Get in the hole?”

Liberty’s men’s basketball team won the Big South tournament and so an NCAA bid, with a 15-20 (.429) record. Hard to imagine a team that bad in the tournament. In a bowl game, absolutely.

One of Oscar Pistorius’s friends said the South African track star is “on the verge of suicide. It really worries me.” Who knew… shooting your girlfriend could be stressful.

Manny Ramirez, who got no free-agent offers, is apparently off to Taiwan to play in the “China Professional Baseball League.” Wow. A whole new country where “Manny being Manny” can wear out his welcome.

From T.C.  In the Canada/Mexico basebrawl game in Phoenix, Canadian coach Larry Walker was hit with water bottle and a ball thrown from the stands. Security ejected these two fans. They were met outside by Arizona Diamondback scouts who immediately signed them to minor league pitching contracts.

The Chicago Cubs are thinking of adding a mascot. And across American except in Philadelphia, MLB fans are thinking “take our mascot, PLEASE.”

 

 

GOP strategist Steve Schmidt said of his Republican party  – “An company, any organization in today’s day and age that doesn’t give equal opportunity to women, that doesn’t advance women to the table, is going to be an organization that has difficulty competing.” Wait a minute, what about those full binders?

Truth from my friend Neil Berliner “Hey TSA: I fly every week. Trust me, these people need deodorant, mouth wash and shampoo more than knives and baseball bats.”

Stumbling forward into Spring?

March 10, 2013

Just thinking, if we’re going to lose an hour wouldn’t most Americans prefer it to be during working hours on Monday?

Many Americans are worried about the hour they are losing out of their lives this weekend. So they are relieving stress by playing more online games and looking for additional pictures of cats to post.

Marshmallow Peeps are celebrating their 60th anniversary this year. And some of the original products from 1953 no doubt taste as fresh as the day they were made.

Ah nanny states. So starting this week in New York,due to the new surgary soda rule you won’t be able to order a pitcher of Coca Cola when you go out with friends. But you will be able to order a pitcher of beer or margaritas….

Jim Carrey, who originally said he was out of a “Dumb and Dumber” sequel, now says he would consider it. In the meantime, there’s always C-Span.

 

A major brawl broke out during Canada’s 10-3 WBC win today over Mexico. What did they think this was, a hockey game?

 

Regarding this WBC brawl between Canada and Mexico, wonder how many baseball people are privately thinking “A few more of these would do wonders for ratings.”

Mariano Rivera, who will retire at the end of 2013, says “The last game I hope will be throwing the last pitch in the World Series. Winning the World Series, that would be my ambition.” So the season hasn’t started, and Rivera already wants to be traded?

 

RNC chairman Reince Priebus’s said this week that MSNBC contributed to GOP losses in the 2012 election. Shocking?  Someone thinks MSNBC actually has power?

(Maybe he should have complained that Fox didn’t have enough.)

WTF moment. TSA now says bringing 3.5 ounces or more of liquids through security is still forbidden, but small knives including box cutters are okay. Although we have never actually had terrorists use liquids on planes….

If anyone’s tried to bring a partially empty bottle through security, TSA will take it away, even if you have less than 3.5 ounces of liquid inside. Because they say terrorists could mix small amounts of stuff together in a larger container. Fair enough, so then post security – stores selling large water and soda bottles. Sigh.

An JetBlue plane was taken out of service after it was clipped by an Air India jet this morning at JFK. Let the un-PC foreign driver jokes begin…..

First entry from Nick Coombs:   “Geez you’d think the one thing an air India flight could do properly would be the taxi.”