Posted tagged ‘comey jokes’

No fuzz on that

June 8, 2017

 

Hard to remember that not so long ago there was the concept of a “slow news week.”

Maybe it’s just me but “Lordy I hope there are tapes” doesn’t seem like the kind of comment a liar would make.

Could the 25th amendment apply to Senators? #JohnMcCain

Waiting for Spicer’s claim Trump asked everyone to leave room while he talked to Comey because he wanted them to have a beautiful cake break

John McCain referred to “President Comey.” And a whole lot of Americans are thinking “We could do worse.”

 

John McCain’s latest comment is really shocking. You mean ANYONE stays up late to watch a Padres-Dbacks game?

 

John McCain later said “my line of questioning today went over people’s heads…” Too much covfefe?

Russia interfered w/ our election, President is a liar and directed FBI director to let Flynn investigation go. But her emails…

And Comey gives those of us who love British History a moment “Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest?”

Trump quoting the Bible at Faith and Freedom Coalition’s conference. Does anyone think he’s actually read it?

 

While everyone was watching #ComeyDay, GOP in House voted to kill Dodd-Frank. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

MLB asked the SF Giants to pull an auction fo Hunter Strickland’s used jersey from the game he ended up brawling with Bryce Harper, because “items auctioned cannot be in bad taste.”
“Bad taste.” Right, and that’s why ESPN & MLB TV spent more time airing footage of the brawl than anything else the SF Giants have done all season.

Baseball is the greatest game, but it still doesn’t seem right that Mark Melancon should get the win for SF Giants in the 10th after blowing save with 2 run lead.

Meanwhile, Santiago Casilla now has same number of saves as Mark Melancon – 10 – w/ 1 fewer blown save. Welcome to 2017 #SFGiants

In Britain, Conservative PM Theresa May called election to increase her majority & actually lost seats. #Buyersremorse?

Waiting for Sean Spicer to spin today’s British vote as a big win for Conservatives.

How many people do we think it is taking to keep Trump away from his phone to tweet during these #ComeyHearings?

 

So Trump hasn’t tweeted all day. Can we start a pool on what his next tweet will be?

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Super scooter

June 6, 2017

Scooter Gennett had 5 hits, 4 home runs & 10 RBI’s in a game today. 17 total bases. Or as 2017. SF Giants offense calls that – “a good week.”

Think Scooter Gennett just might be selected this week for random @MLB drug testing?

Nice story for a change.   Apparently at 11pm last night Packers CB Davon House missed his connecting flight at Minneapolis airport, and tweeted out his frustration on Twitter, asking if any fans wanted to give him a ride to Green Bay since he had OTAs in the morning.   Two brothers promptly responded and drove him the four plus hours, where he promptly rewarded them with signed memorabilia and a locker room tour in the wee hours of the morning.

Why do I not think this story would have happened with a member of the NY Jets landing in Newark.

 

What,   George and Amal Clooney became parents and gave their new twins nice normal names? Ella and Alexander. Isn’t that a violation of celebrity rules?

And if we didn’t love Clooney enough already, this was his publicist’s statement.  clooney

 

A passenger on a Delta flight needed medical attention after he was bitten by his seatmate’s emotional support dog, and another passenger said the seat had to be removed because there was so much blood.
So how many travelers will now say they need emotional support animals to protect them from their fellow passengers’ support animals?

Bus to hell, or rather golf cart to hell item of the day. A Northern California man has been arrested for DUI after his partner fell off a golf cart he was driving in a orchard and died after landing on their wine glasses which shattered on impact. Hope at least she had finished the wine.

Can it still be a smartphone if it’s used by an idiot? Asking for a friend in Washington D.C. taxpayer-funded housing.

Spicer says Trump tweets are “official statements by the President of the United States.” Kellyanne says the media has an “obsession” w/ “everything” he says on Twitter. #soconfusing

 

So is it too soon to start a pool on what crisis Trump might start with a Tweet on Thursday morning to distract from Comey testimony?

Bars are opening early in San Francisco, Houston, and Washington DC on Thursday morning for former FBI director Comey’s testimony to Congress.  Russian vodka specials will be on the menus. No doubt with lots of twists.

Trump attacks Mayor #SadiqKhan after London attack, attacked Gold Star parents Khizr & Ghazala Khan last year. Sure it’s just a coincidence.

Eric Trump  on Fox News’ “Hannity” re Democrats “To me, they’re not even people.” So what’s next, a big game hunt like he does with leopards & lions?

Try to remember?

May 9, 2017

Remember those days when not paying attention to internet at work meant you just missed out on cat videos & sports scores?

LaVar Ball now says that even Michael Jordan couldn’t sell shoes for $495. “Because he ain’t Lonzo Ball, that’s why. Did he have his own brand coming in? It’s a new era called the Ball era.”
Damn, I miss the days when LaVar would have been the most outrageous person quoted in the news.

Time to change U.S. motto from “E pluribus unum” to “mildly nauseated.”

#JamesComey has been fired by President. Trump’s not showing much gratitude to the man who got him the job.

So it’s going to be a tough decision for Trump to appoint a new FBI director to replace #Comey: Will it be Ivanka or Jared?

 

#KellyannConway says #Comey‘s firing was “not a cover-up” Guess she’s resurfaced from whatever lifeboat she was pushed into.

Seems pretty obvious that Trump thinks political cost of firing #Comey will be less than political cost of letting him keep investigating.

When you’re getting trolled on Twitter by the Nixon library.  “FUN FACT: President Nixon never fired the Director of the FBI

Qantas CEO laughed it off after he was pied in the face at a conference in Perth. Spirit Airlines CEO would have tried to see if there was a way they could sell pie pieces as onboard snacks.

Airlines treat passengers like they are less than human, and are then surprised when they act accordingly.

Jury has reached murder verdict in #SierraLaMar case on DNA evidence, despite no body. California, where we still believe in science!

If Trump bans all cameras, laptops, Kindles & iPads as carry-ones for intl flights biz travelers & parents could join to demand impeachment.

In Washington, a tunnel has apparently collapsed at Hanford nuclear waste site. But hey, who needs those burdensome federal safety regulations?

Is this what it was like to watch the 1962 Mets? @SFGiants

SF Giants put Melancon on the 10-day DL with a “mild right pronator strain. Well, not like there have been that many games to save.

 

No Tony Parker, no Kawhi Leonard, and Spurs beat Rockets in OT.   Someone check Manu Ginoboli for illicit fountain of youth water.

Ginobili, after his game of his decade, saved the game for Spurs with a block on Harden. Amazing. He didn’t look a day over 38.