Posted tagged ‘Cal jokes’

Not so smooth sailing?

January 8, 2017

 

On the brighter side for #NYGiants they now have all the time in the world to plan more boat parties.

Four blowout wild-card football games this weekend remind us why baseball is the best sport. No matter how lopsided the score there is always a chance for a comeback.

The Miami Dolphins looked as overmatched against Ben Roethlisberger today as a co-ed in a bar. #Bustohell

Fired coach #SonnyDykes was 19-30 in four years at Cal.  19-30,   Sounds like a possible coaching upgrade for @49ers.

The 76ers have improved to 10-25, and Joel Embiid is talking about the playoffs -“I think we have a chance. We’ve been hot lately.”
Did they legalize marijuana in Pennsylvania and not tell us?

 

Amazing how many who insisted Obama was helped/influenced by foreign Muslims have no problem w/ Russia being helped/influenced by Russia.

To save time money & risk maybe television networks could pick  one joint pool person to report outside per major storm? “Yes, it’s raining/snowing hard” here.

Mariah Carey today said that on New Year’s eve she “was looking forward to a celebratory moment with the world. It’s a shame that we were put into the hands of a production team with technical issues who chose to capitalize on circumstances beyond our control.”
Four words Mariah, “Give it up already.”

On @FaceTheNation @CoryBooker very good in defending Obamacare but looked quite orange. Maybe makeup artist wanted him to look presidential.

 

Martin Shkreli has been suspended from Twitter for harassing woman journalist. What a shame that policy didn’t apply to candidates during the Presidential election.

Hugh Laurie tonight reminded us how much we miss House. Hugh Grant reminds us of what Prime Minister could say to US President #GoldenGlobes

 

If @CoryBooker is elected President in 2020 I would like to nominate #MerylStreep as Director of Communications or Press Secretary #GoldenGIobe

British PM Theresa May asked what she thought about Trump’ s pussy grabbing comments ‘as a woman’.
Her response “‘I think that’s unacceptable but I think Donald Trump himself has said that and has apologised for it.” And “the relationship the UK has with the US is about something much bigger than the relationship between the two individuals as president and prime minister…. it’s a relationship where we feel in the UK we can say to the US if we disagree with something.”
Right, and our President-Elect is so magnanimous in dealing with those who disagree with him. #passthepopcorn

Let’s play two.

October 5, 2014

18 innings. Wonder how this SFGiants Washington Nationals game would have had to go until we got to penalty kicks?

 

 

After Belt’s home run in the 18th, figured the game had gone on so long FOX announcers might actually say nice things about San Francisco Giants in hopes of just getting to go home. ‪#‎SFvsWAS‬

The game did only end at midnight thought, and lots of ‪#‎Nationals‬ fans had already left.  Where do they think they were? Chavez Ravine? ‪#‎SFGiants‬

Until tonight ‪#‎SFGiants‬ pitcher Yusmeiro Petit managed to almost throw a perfect game against the Mets (8 2/3 innings), and broke the MLB record of 46 straight batters retired. But no one nationally had heard of him. Until tonight.

Nice ‪#‎Friendsarewaiting‬ Budweiser commercial about the guy who stays with friends instead of driving home drunk. But it doesn’t show the dog pee somewhere all over the floor….

 

Despite a tough loss for the Cardinal, it was 40 degrees and rainy in South Bend, and 90 degrees and sunny in Palo Alto ‪#‎Stanford‬ ‪#‎NotreDame‬

Bobby Jindal said yesterday that President Obama should stop all air traffic from countries with Ebola. So what are the Louisiana Governor’s plans for closing his state’s border with Texas?

Two passengers who were vomiting on the plane caused an entire United flight from Brussels to Newark to be quarantined for several hours on arrival. If vomit is enough to spark Ebola fears these days, there are going to be a lot of delays for folks flying home from Las Vegas.

 

Lindsay Graham now says he “may just jump in” to the 2016 Presidential race. And Hillary Clinton is thinking this is almost as good news as having a grandchild.

So Derek Jeter is having a big party on Long Island this weekend, which is “trending” because of reports that it’s a secret wedding. Sigh. Well, to be fair, Jeter has been out of the headlines for almost a whole week.

 

 

The SF Giants and Washington Nationals played two games and scored only three runs. But now Cal and WSU are playing an arena football game.

 

 

#‎Stanford‬ can’t score, ‪#‎Cal‬ can’t play defense. This year’s “Big Game” will be subtitled “Something’s gotta give.”

Cal wins 60-59 on a missed field goal despite giving up over 800 yards.    So was the strategy to wear out Washington State’s kicker with all those PATs?

So who figured the center of the college football world would now be Mississippi?

From Bill Littlejohn.  The U.S. Postal Service is set to unveil new Wilt Chamberlain commemorative stamps—-there are slated to be special notches on the first 20,000 of them”

End of an era.

December 5, 2013

Well played, Moonbeam. California Gov. Jerry Brown instructed the state Capitol’s flags be flown at half-staff today in honor of Nelson Mandela.

Nelson Mandela has passed away. Sad as it’s the end of an era, but hope the poor man is finally at peace after what sounded like a nightmare year or so of medical intervention.

Seahawks DL Michael Bennett couldn’t get a reservation at a top Seattle restaurant, until he pretended to be Russell Wilson. Of course he’s not the first, Geno Smith has been impersonating an NFL QB for most of the season.

 

ESPN cancelled a a scheduled appearance by Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy to host “SportsCenter” tonight. Since they were worried about “potential implications of any news from the State Attorney’s press conference in Florida” regarding Jameis Winston. Shame. Might have been some really awesome ratings.
Derrick Rose says he thinks he might be back for the playoffs. Is he planning on the Bulls trading him to another team first?

 

So now the football field at Cal’s Memorial Stadium will be known as “Kabam Field” Kabam is a fantasy gaming company. Does this even need a punchline?
Stanford fans thought a more appropriate choice might have been “Oscar Mayer Weenie Field” –

 

A CNN.com article indicates that smoking pot may give men “man boobs.” Of course, it could be the amount of Doritos and doughnuts consumed after smoking pot that result in the man boobs.

Color authority Pantone just announced its 2014 Color of the Year “Radiant Orchid – what they call a “captivating, magical, enigmatic purple.” The subgroup of Americans who care about that statement no doubt includes millions of women and about two straight men.

Brian Wilson has apparently re-signed with Los Angeles. Of course, as Giants fans know, if the Dodgers really want to get their money’s worth out of Wilson, they’ll extend beer sales through the innings of his appearances.

Speaker John Boehner says some male House members need to be “a little more sensitive” when they campaign against female candidates. I guess it never occurred to him that they need to make any changes in dealing with women who aren’t candidates?

Now that Bashir is gone from MSNBC for being tasteless about Sarah Palin, can we get rid of the equally tasteless idiot who said this on air? “The pope is ripping America, the pope ripping capitalism, the pope ripping trickle-down economics. And Obama’s having an orgasm.”
From Bill Littlejohn  “President Obama says he wants to host.”  ‘SportsCenter’ when he retires.This just in–the ESPN website just crashed”
From T.C.  An Alabama woman shot and killed another fan after the team lost to archrival Auburn for “not being a big enough fan”. She should have shot at the guy that ran the missed field goal back for a TD on the final play of the game.

Go Cardinal…

March 12, 2010

Actually, for the men’s basketball team most of this year it’s been “Go, please go. Far away.” But they have moments…like tonight.

Stanford men’s basketball team, 13-17, faced ASU, 22-9 in the opening game of the Pac 10 tournament, after having been swept by the Sun Devils in the regular season. And the Cardinal won easily 70-61. Two more wins and Stanford gets an NCAA automatic bid. If so, start investing in ski resorts in Hell.


The “Big Game” between Stanford and Cal-Berkeley has been changed this year from December 4, to November 20, because it conflicted with Stanford’s final exam schedule. Stanford football players said they were relieved. Cal players asked “what are final exams?”


The San Francisco Giants have gotten off to a 7-1 start this spring. Unfortunately, these Cactus League games are meaningless. Sort of like the NBA regular season.


While he mulls over long-term options, Conan O’Brien has announced that 30 city stage tour starting in April. The show will be titled “Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television.” But hasn’t that phrase already been copyrighted by Saturday Night Live?

From Bill Littlejohn: With Robert DeNiro playing Vince Lombardi in an ESPN film, you can bet the Packers had a dangerous taxi squad.


Now that SF Mayor Gavin Newsom has decided – surprise- that he will run for Lieutenant Governor, there is word that one of his harshest critics amongst city supervisors, Chris Daly, may endorse him. Should we be surprised? Daly would do more than that to get Newsom out of San Francisco.

A conservative small town in Mississippi has cancelled their senior prom, rather than allow one student to attend with her same sex date. Which is a shame on many levels, because with the town’s anti-sex education stance, the girls would at least have meant one couple had no risk of a prom-night pregnancy.


Commie pinko time.

Senator Majority Leader Harry Reid’s wife and daughter were hospitalized with serious injuries after a car accident. Fortunately the injuries were not life-threatening. Even more fortunately, they have health insurance.