Posted tagged ‘australia jokes’

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Tying knots

August 24, 2019

Olympic gold medal skier Lindsey Vonn and current NHL star P.K. Subban are getting married. Do we call this yet another missed cut for Tiger Woods?

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Dwight Howard has signed with Los Angeles Lakers, and ESPN reports they have told him “Disrupt this team — and you’ll be gone.”
Over-under on how long he’ll last?

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Team USA just lost to Australia in basketball. Can we blame Trump?

Miami 19, Philadelphia 11. Wait, I know the Raiders and Panthers played in Winnipeg, but I thought Marlins Park was baseball only.

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So the real question at G7 France – Who will Trump insult first?

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Seth Moulton has dropped out of the Presidential Race. All together now “Who?”

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Amazing how same people who insist the most left-wing members of Congress are the “face of the Democratic party,” somehow don’t make the same statement about Steve King being the face of the GOP.

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Got to love it, the Stable Genius is tweeting that “Our great American companies are hereby ordered to immediately start looking for an alternative to China…”
And he’s tweeting from a iPhone!

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Meanwhile, I am getting regular fundraising emails from Bernie Sanders whose campaign seems to think I want a Bernie baseball card or baseball shirt. Uh, yeah, I’m “Vote Blue No Matter Who 2020” but otherwise….I’d ALMOST rather wear a Dodger shirt. Sorry.

 

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Jean Cramer, a Marysville, Michigan city council candidate, said she wants to keep the town “as white as possible,” and added a “husband and wife need to be the same race. Same thing with kids. That’s how it’s been from the beginning of, how can I say, when God created the heaven and the earth. He created Adam and Eve at the same time.”
Uh if that’s literally true then ALL kids are descended from their children and thus products of incest. #WTF?
(and actually, there are no pictures of Adam nor Eve…. who’s to say they were the same race? A creator can go for diversity too.)

 

Finally, Limerick Time. Because, why not?
There once was a President Trump
Who expected the whole world to jump.
For his thoughts that were bad,
and really quite sad.
Which he tweeted while taking a dump.

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Heads up?

February 3, 2017

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(thanks to my friend Joe C. for this one.)

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Looking for another reason to hate the Yankees? Hal Steinbrenner on Aroldis Chapman, and his 2016 suspension for violating MLB’s domestic violence policy: “Quite frankly, it was manageable the minute he got here last year. He was great. Look, he admitted he messed up. He paid the penalty. Sooner or later, we forget, right? ”

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Really missing when stupid questions during #SuperBowl media days were the craziest things said during the first week in February.

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Charles Barkley said before tonight’s game Clippers would  beat Warriors. “guaranteed.”  Poor Sir Charles. So much craziness in the world that he has to up the ante to get noticed.

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Got to love it as a Stanford grad, the #UCBerkleyRiot trending hashing is misspelled. It’s “Berkeley.”

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This just in – Trump fires #Punxsutawneyphil , replaces him with a relative of that furry thing that lives on his head.

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So who had Australia in the “which country will President Trump break off relations with first?” pool?

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Trump uses #Nationalprayerbreakfast as excuse to taunt Arnold over ratings. Can’t wait to see President in action at state funerals.

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Schwarzenegger’s response “”Hey Donald, I have a great idea. Why don’t we switch jobs? You take over TV because you’re such an expert on ratings and I take over your job and then people can finally sleep comfortably again.”
Hmm, is Arnold bidding to be the Trump Ex-Terminator?

 

Good to see  John  McCain & Lindsey    Graham speaking their minds on Trump.. Now what about a few actual opposing votes?

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#Uber CEO Travis Kalanick is resigning from Trump’s advisory council. “Uber is for losers” tweet coming in 3.2.1……

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New UN Ambassador Nikki Haley: “The dire situation in eastern Ukraine is one that demands clear and strong condemnation of Russian actions…”
So while we’re waiting for March Madness can we start brackets or something on who Trump fires next?

So Trump wants women working at White House to #DressLikeAWoman – Does this mean mandatory pussy hats?

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Not even Fox News is covering the Bowling Green Massacre. Clearly the corruption of the media is spreading. #sarcasm

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“”We want this nominee to be treated the same way that President Clinton and President Obama’s nominees were treated.” –@SenJohnThune #SCOTUS
And his point is?
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Not all the UC Berkeley protestors last night were violent. As a liberal I have no problem with arresting any of those who were, and who damaged property. In fact, I hope police do find them….. just guessing most of them weren’t students, the violent ones.
And it also wouldn’t shock me if some of the worst actually were not “leftists,” but people who wanted to make the left look bad.

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A couple friends have commented that that they are tired of all the political posts on FB etc. . And I get it, although there is just so much comedy-satire material. But the problem is, when you decide, okay, enough, I’m going to post about something else….then it’s another crazy EO, or a leak, or a insult Tweet, or letting people with mental illnesses severe enough to receive disability payments buy guns…..

Maybe that’s the idea, we all get so tired of it we don’t care. and this administration can do whatever the hell they want.

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