Posted tagged ‘Candlestick jokes’

On and on…

October 26, 2016

4 hours & 4 minutes for 5-1 Chicago win. Good thing Cubs have plenty of fans because these first two World Series games  would not convert many to MLB

Blowout baseball games are really only fun to watch if you’re a fan of the team doing the blowing-out. Another reason Fox might consider showing more regular season games to create national rather than regional interest….

 

Just one game and one win, but tonight did Lakers get a taste of what it might have been like to have Kobe Bryant retire sooner?

Yoenis Cespedes has opted out of his #Mets contract and plans to test free agent market. Because 4 teams in 6 years wasn’t enough?

Looking at all these bundled-up players in 40 degree temperatures during the World Series makes me nostalgic for Candlestick Park.

A police report on the crash that took the life of Marlins pitcher Jose Fernandez found “a strong odor of alcohol” and evidence that whoever was driving the boat was speeding and driving with “recklessness” that was “exacerbated by the consumption of alcohol.”
Sad, really sad. But “I am shocked, said nobody.”

American is going to be the next major U.S. airline to start selling “Basic” economy fares – no changes, standby, seat assignments, etc. So how low can they go – the option to fly as cargo?.

Newt Gingrich tweeted today “‘For the record Megyn Kelly is wrong, I don’t have anger management issues. I do have media bias issues!” Wonder if he was shouting while he wrote it.

 

Story out of Australia is that two beautiful young women who were contestants on the “The Bachelor” did indeed find love. With each other. Hmm, if this becomes a thing might increase U.S. men’s viewership.

All of this “repeal and replace” about Obamacare that the GOP is spouting. Of course what they don’t spout is that they want to replace it with nothing.

 

 

 

Trump says he’s going to spend over $100 million on his campaign before election day. Has someone told him he can’t take this loss off his taxes?

Trump today “I will never, ever take the African-American community for granted — unlike Hillary.”‘
Okay but while the Donald castigates Hillary for what she didn’t do in the Senate, why, with all his decades-old business empire can Trump not name a thing he has done as far as minority hiring and other outreach?

 

Donald Trump said last week that “I will reverse Obama’s executive orders & concessions towards Cuba.” Meaning besides travel that Cuban rum & cigars will become illegal again. Forget sexual assault, racism, healthcare etc, this might be the “trump” card for Hillary to woo white men.

From Alex Kaseberg  “A youth football team was kicked out of its league in Rhode Island when they snuck a grown man into their lineup. Man, Johnny Manziel cannot catch a break.”

Folks I suppose became suspicious when the team beat the Browns.

From Paul Lander.  Indeed, the gift that keeps on giving:   “Happy 69th Birthday, @HillaryClinton. Don’t forget to send the Republican Party a thank you for the gift of nominating Trump.”

 

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Sticking with Mother’s Day

May 11, 2015

 

Okay, so it’s been a few years.  My son’s first Mother’s Day at Candlestick Park. #raisinghimright

mothersday

 

Meanwhile, SF Giants fans and players would like to thank Matt Duffy for his game-winning RBI today. Because who really wanted to play 15 innings and not only be late for Mother’s Day dinner, but be at the ballpark after they’d cut off beer etc sales after seven innings…

 

 

Maybe this man really doesn’t want to be President? Jeb Bush today on Fox News said he also would have invaded Iraq in 2003, “I would have [authorized the invasion], and so would have Hillary Clinton, just to remind everybody. And so would almost everybody that was confronted with the intelligence they got,”

 

Isn’t Jeb Bush reminding voters that he would have authorized the Iraq invasion like Hillary Clinton reminding voters that her husband would have input into choosing interns?

So a new DOT ruling as of last Friday allows airlines to back out of “mistake” fares, when an error in loading prices means consumers are able briefly to book tickets for a few dollars. Alas, when consumers make a mistake and book the wrong flight or date, we’re still SOL. ‪#‎toerrishumantoforgiveisnotairlinepolicy‬

A 13-year Harvard University study of 20,000 women found that those who drank half a bottle of wine a day had a 70 % reduced risk of obesity compared to non-drinkers. For all those who didn’t already have enough reason for a Mother’s Day toast!

Mother’s Day in the NBA. Another reason for players to want their teams to go deep into the playoffs. Being busy eliminates those tough decisions about which of their children’s moms to take to brunch.

SNL opening skit Saturday night focused on the GOP 2016 Presidential contenders. But really, how could SNL have the hubris to imagine they could come up with anything funnier and more absurd than the candidates themselves?

 

From Alex Kaseberg,  “Happy Mother’s Day. May your Mother’s Day not be nearly as confusing as it is for Kylie and Kendall Jenner.”

Hold that plunger?

August 6, 2014

The Oakland A’s have apparently approached an architect about building a new stadium on their current Coliseum site. Which would presumably mean the team would need an alternate location for a year or two. Considering how well their relations with the SF Giants have been going have the A’s thought about asking for a hold on that demolition of Candlestick?

 

Dan Snyder sensitivity award for the day goes to former Washington kicker Mark Moseley. Who says of the team name – “No red men have said anything derogatory to me about it.”

(my dad suggests changing the name to the “Washington Americans.”   As a way to offend everyone.)

Jack Nicklaus on Rory McIlroy: “I think Rory has an opportunity to win 15 or 20 majors… But you just don’t know what the guy’s priorities are going to be in life 10 years from now.” Possible translation, “can he keep it zipped?”

The director of “Frozen” will adapt “A Wrinkle in Time” for Disney. Mostly a cool thing. A whole new generation will learn about a “Tesseract.” And would like to see what Disney does with the Mrs. Ws, the Happy Medium, and Aunt Beast. But they’d better not turn Meg into a princess!

No injuries were reported when a United flight from Newark to Brussels made an emergency landing after a small fire in the galley. Shocking. A U.S. airline still actually cooks something in their galley?

The odds are out for NFL Week 1 Preseason games. And if you really care, you just might have a gambling problem.

The #SJSharks and #LAKings will match up at Levi’s Stadium Feb 21 for the first outdoor NHL game in Northern California. But wouldn’t a more appropriate venue have been Candlestick Park?.

While on a panel with Roger Goodell, John Madden said that he did not think 6, 7 and 8 year olds should be playing tackle football. But Goodell responded that HE had started playing tackle football when he was 7. Might explain a lot

#TigerWoods has announced he will play in the #PGAChampionship . Well for Thursday and Friday anyway.

Supermodel Chrissy Teigen, who says she was “pretty drunk”, threw out a pretty decent first pitch at last night’s Dodgers game. Maybe they should start stockpiling beer in the Rockies bullpen.

NBC Senior White House Correspondent Chris Jansing today, talking about Obama at the U.S.-Africa Leaders Summit. “Yeah, the fact that he’s from Kenya, and the fact that when he was elected there were expectations on the African continent that he would do great things for them.” Is Jansing angling for a job with FOX News?
2 RBIs for Michael Morse in first is 25% of his RBI total for the past two months #SFGiants.
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From Bill Littlejohn:  “Cleveland Browns receiver Josh Gordon has claimed that he has passed at least 70 drug tests. “Problem is, he’s taken more than 1,000.”

Provocation?

July 26, 2014

Stephen A. Smith started out today about the Ray Rice situation telling women “Let’s make sure we don’t do anything to provoke wrong actions.” And then in his first apology “What about addressing women on how they can help prevent the obvious wrong being done upon them?” What is with Smith? Does he want to leave ESPN for a job at NFL headquarters.

 

And not that I condone violence, but it would be hard to be too broken up if some random woman hauls off and punches Stephen A. Smith, suggesting that he in future try not to “provoke wrong actions.”

 

So today the Russian consumer protection agency said they are suing McDonalds for selling foods that contain more fats and carbohydrates than are allowed by national regulations. What’s next, Putin saying the U.S. via McDonald’s has killed more people than the MH17 missile?

(Or maybe it’s just that Putin has a man-crush on Michael Bloomberg.)

They’re now selling seats from Candlestick Park before the stadium is being torn down. ($749 a pair, with a $50 discount for SFGiants season ticket holders.) Wonder for authenticity if the seats come with a free ice pack?

Chris Paul has joined Doc Rivers in saying he could boycott the season if Donald Sterling is still in charge. So who knows, maybe there’s a chance the Lakers won’t be the worst NBA team in Los Angeles this year.

 

 

Rough night for SF Giants at A T and T, losing 8-1 on a night when Yasiel Puig got three triples and a double. Maybe the Giants strategy was to have Puig run enough he might pull a hamstring.

Zack Greinke struck  out four SF Giants in one inning.    Atlanta Braves fans were shocked one wasn’t Dan Uggla.

But, hey, the  Dodgers had an off-day Thursday in San Francisco. #SFGiants were just one day behnd.

 

Johnny Manziel, about his off-field adventures. “At the end of the day,’ Manziel said, ‘I’ve made some rookie mistakes.’ But hey, now training camp has started. So soon Johnny can make some on-field rookie mistakes.

A recent poll said 65% percent of Americans don’t want President Obama impeached. But 35% do. Leaving politics aside guess this means at least 35% of Americans have never actually read the Constitution.

Gun rights advocates are touting the “good guy with a gun” case of an armed Philadelphia doctor who wounded a psychiatric patient who allegedly killed his caseworker and was apparently planning a mass shooting. Glad the guy was stopped. But what was a psychiatric patient with a long criminal history doing with a gun and over 40 bullets in the first place?

 

Drew Brees, 35, says he feels like he’s still 25, and “I could play for another 10 years. And that would be my goal.” The Green Bay Packers are thinking “Damn, nobody tell Brett Favre,”(who’s 44.).

A Google Shopping Express contract worker was arrested and charged with stealing more than $1000 of merchandise from a Target store while she was buying items for customers.

TThe woman has a criminal history involving possession and sale of meth. But apparently Google subcontracts out the shopping and the subcontractor didn’t do background checks.    Can’t wait to see what fun we could have with subcontracted Amazon drone operators.

 

 

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When the lights go down in the city.

December 20, 2011

The Monday Night Football game between the 49ers and Steelers was delayed tonight due to a blown transformer. Biggest power outage involving San Francisco sports since the Giants were batting.

In fact, a second power outage of the night stopped the already delayed game for about 20 minutes at Candlestick. The only people smiling are those behind the efforts to move the team to a new stadium in Santa Clara.

Said my friend Tammy Serna from the game – ” Now we know how Raider fans feel (blacked out).”

Nice win for the 49ers tonight. But to be honest, Big Ben didn’t look to be in good enough shape even to score on a co-ed.

All kinds of potential songs to set the video of the 49ers-Steelers game to -“Lights”, “Back in Black,” “You don’t see me….”


They have smart guys at Stanford. Great answer from former Cardinal and current 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh when asked what it was like in the San Francisco locker room when the lights went out. “It was dark.”

House Republicans are heading towards a pre-Christmas showdown about the payroll tax with President Obama. But in a chicken game about getting home for the holidays, Obama may well win — he doesn’t need to get a reservation on a commercial plane.

A Marist poll of over 1,000 Americans found the most annoying word of 2011 is “Whatever.” Said most Americans under 30 – “Whatever.”

The South Korea military is on full alert after the death of Kim John Il. Maybe, considering how well North Korea does everything else, they are a little worried about any potential funeral fireworks show.

A Northern California man who has fathered 14 children as a free sperm donor has been told to cease and desist. The FDA has he could face a $100,000 fine or prison time because he’s giving away his sperm without the proper blood tests. Uh, someone better rein in this government agency before it decimates the NBA.

Another example of why procrastination can be a good thing. Think of all those people who sent in their 2012 Death Lotto’s with Kim Jong Il high on the list.

From Paul Seaburn: Somewhere in hell, Osama bin Laden looked up, saw Kim Jong Il arrive and said, “Are you my virgin?”


Up in Canada, the Quebec government is upset because the Montreal Canadiens hired an interim coach who can’t speak French. Big deal, down in the U.S. we’ve elected a President who can’t speak English.

(and a Governor of California)

A Marist poll of over 1,000 Americans found the most annoying word of 2011 is “Whatever.” Said most Americans under 30 – “Whatever.”

Newt Gingrich’s stay at the top of the Republican polls may be over. I don’t agree with Michelle Bachmann on much, but her “flavor of the month” line about the GOP primary appears to be right on. (Except when someone is only the flavor of the week.)

Surging in the polls, Jon Huntsman is up to TWO percent in the last CNN GOP primary poll. This puts him only seven percent behind “undecided.”

Penn State Quarterback Matt McGloin is taking full responsibility for his locker room fight with Curtis Drake. Amazing. Someone at Penn State is taking responsibility for something?


Meanwhile, as Jerry Sandusky keeps talking about “horsing around,” the equine community has filed a grievance -they want their word back.

The Jets-Giants rivalry game is six days away, and Rex Ryan has already started on the “we’re better” talk. And if this matchup doesn’t decide anything presumably players from both teams can have a “Words With Friends” game during the Super Bowl.