Posted tagged ‘Denali jokes’

A mountain of troubles?

September 1, 2015

Donald Trump is now saying he’ll rename “Denali’ back to Mt. McKinley if he’s elected president. And then presumably six months later rename it Mt. Trump.

So if the appeal of Donald Trump is that he is amusing, not absolutely beholden to a particular party ideology and not afraid to be outspoken, why for President in 2016 can’t we draft Jon Stewart?

On the subject of netting at ballparks. As best as I can research, there are 30-40 foul balls hit into the stands in MLB per game. And 2430 games a year. (162 times 15.) Total about 73,000-109,000 balls a year. Bloomberg estimates 1700 injuries from foul balls a year, counting anything that needs first aid..

73,000-109,000 – that’s a lot of childhood and adult ball catching potentially dashed because people don’t pay attention….

So the latest uproar over Hillary’s emails is that her friend Sidney Blumenthal apparently called John Boehner, “lazy, “alcoholic,” “banal and hollow..” Would some of the GOP who are upset about this care to share what they’ve called Clinton and Obama in THEIR emails?”

#‎Youcannotmakethisstuffup‬ item of the month: In SF, police are still searching for a cyclist who during last week’s Critical Mass smashed a Zipcar driver’s window with a metal bike lock. The suspect was wearing a shirt saying “Non-violence is our strength.”

The judge in Brady’s Deflategate appeal hearing ‘anticipates’ decision by end of week. “I can’t wait.” Said at this point nobody. ‪#‎enoughalready‬

So have to wonder, just how low is the unemployment rate in Kentucky that they can’t find a county clerk who actually wants to do their job?

Matt Bevin, Kentucky’s GOP nominee for Governor, says “I absolutely support her (clerk Kim Davis) willingness to stand on her First Amendment rights” and deny gay couples marriage licenses.
So okay, what happens when some other clerk decides to deny licenses to couples where one or both parties are divorced, or too old to have children, or of different religions?

And what about those who have religious feelings against killing animals with hunting licenses?

The latest #youcannotmakethisstuff up: Ms. Davis has not only been married four times, she committed adultery – the proof being twins conceived out of wedlock.

Pope Francis is granting Catholic priests the right to forgive women who have had abortions. Waiting to see the first GOP Presidential candidate to condemn him for being ungodly.

Chris Christie said last night on The Tonight Show that he is going to “go nuclear” in the next Presidential debate. So let’s see, A “nuclear” Christie vs Trump. The winner? CNN with ratings.

Jerry Brown signed a bill today that raised the fee for filing a California ballot initiative from $200 to $2,000. The idea is to discourage using the process for making outrageous statements, like proposals for executing gays, or banning the sale of shellfish.
With all due respect, they’re going to need a higher fee..

From Alex Kaseberg.  “Chicago Cubs’ Jake Arrieta tossed a no-hitter Sunday against the Dodgers. Best no-hitter I’ve seen since the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight.”

Let’s stay together.

August 31, 2015

I think I’ve got another GOP talking point down: Any Democrat who stays with a cheating husband – like Weiner or Clinton, is involved in a sham marriage for political purposes. Any Republican who stays in such a marriage is just espousing traditional family values.

If Ohio politicians, including John Boehner, are that upset about President Obama’s renaming of Denali, why don’t they just name the tallest mountain in Ohio after McKinley?

Or failing that, a roller coaster at Cedar Point?

Donald Trump again has called Anthony Weiner a ‘perv sleazebag’ And who better to know what the term means than a man who has cheated on at least two wives with a succession of increasingly younger women.

Best airport announcement of the year? From a friend who is flying Southwest via Hobby Airport and waiting for her flight. “Joe Smith, You are in Houston not Dallas. Please get back on the plane.” ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Two Southwest Airlines planes clipped wings on the tarmac at Oakland International Airport. Minor damage. No injuries. But Happy Hour for pilots has been canceled. ‪#‎wannagetaway‬

Ashley Madison says that despite their recent massive hack their number is users is still growing. Maybe they should rename the site “Death Wish.”

Everett Golson, who transferred from Notre Dame this spring, has now been named the Seminole’s starting quarterback over Sean Maguire. There’s still hope for Maguire to get the job back, although with FSU he can’t expect that Golson would get another suspension for academic reasons

So a lot of media outlets who won’t show Miley Cyrus’s nipple flash last night at the VMAs had no problem showing the murder of two journalists on air. ‪#‎whatacountry‬ ‪#‎priorities

Jean Machi got a save for the Red Sox tonight in a 4-3 win over the Yankees. He walked in a run, and left the bases loaded after Gregorius hit a fly ball to the warning trackl in the bottom of the 9th. So Machi may not bring Boston to the playoffs, but he has brought over some good old-fashioned SF Giants torture.

Ted Cruz is now blaming Obama for the murder of a sheriff’s deputy in Texas. As he’s blamed Obama for the Baltimore riots, encouraging radical Islam, not stopping the shooting at the Muhammad cartoon etc, the 2008 financial crisis, etc.

Maybe it would be quicker for Senator Cruz to come up with a list of things he doesn’t think are the President’s fault?

Obama apparently will appear on a special episode of the NBC outdoor adventure show Running Wild with Bear Grylls, The President figures drinking his own urine and eating ants has to be more fun than trying to work with Congress.

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, who has slashed social services in the state, says that his plan to plan to invest $250 million in taxpayer dollars in a new basketball arena for the Milwaukee Bucks is “fiscally responsible.”
Maybe Walker has a plan to rent out the arena after the end of the regular season, since the Bucks never use it then.

The U.S. Supreme Court today ruled against Kim Davis, the Kentucky county clerk who won’t issue same-sex marriage licenses. Wonder if the fact that Clark has allegedly been married four times herself had anything to do with it.

Pajama party

August 30, 2015

Before today’s game against the Dodgers, the Cubs announced plans to wear pajamas on the flight back to Chicago. Wonder how many other contending teams are suddenly looking on Amazon for pjs that can be delivered overnight.

(Such a pajama party wouldn’t happen with the Red Sox.  Between Panda, Oritiz and Machi, the team couldn’t find enough in their size.)

The Los Angeles Dodgers have been no-hit twice in nine days. No punchline. I just admit to like writing it.

The Little League World Series championship game was 13-11 after three innings. Did someone forget to bring the humidor? ‪#‎LLWS‬

Obama on Monday is going to restore Mt McKinley’s name to Denali. Waiting for the first GOP candidate to complain about the President trying to curry favor with foreigners.

A study in China found greater longevity for people who most frequently ate hot and spicy foods. Pass the Habanero Tabasco – I’m gonna live forever.

Washington has apparently had trade talks about RGIII. Shocking. Some team at this point might actually want him?

Bobby Jindal said legal immigrants need to immediately “learn English, adopt our values, roll up our sleeves and get to work.” Okay, shouldn’t that also apply to people who are born here?

Despite internet rumors, James Earl Jones has not died. So “Luke, I am STILL your father.”

Yankees pitcher CC Sabathia says a picture of him with what appears to be a joint on a Atlanta hotel balcony was just him smoking a cigar., He also denies rumors he has asked the team to trade him to the Rockies or Mariners.

The Des Moines Register reported these private emails Rick Perry’s Iowa campaign chair Sam Clovis about Trump. “I was offended by a man who sought and gained four student deferments to avoid the draft and who has never served this nation a day — not a day — in any fashion or way.”, “His comments reveal no foundation in Christ, which is a big deal.” and ““Why should I not be suspicious of someone who says he hates lobbyists and yet has spread millions of dollars around to Republicans and Democrats to enrich himself? ”

Who cares, another Trump hater? Except that Clovis quit with Perry and has now joined the Donald’s campaign as a national chairman. ‪#‎moneymoneymoneymoney‬

If they canceled the last week of ‪#‎NFL‬ preseason football would anyone care? Seriously?

Chris Christie is now saying that Hillary Clinton’s e-mail scandal shows she caught a “disease” of “lawlessness” from the Obama administration. So where did the New Jersey staffers who closed that bridge catch THEIR disease.?’

Travelers at Newark Airport’s Terminal C were evacuated tonight after a man entered through an exit door, and had to re-enter later through a security checkpoint. The scariest thing for many connecting passengers, they actually had to enter New Jersey.

Horror film director Wes Craven has passed away at the age of 76. So shouldn’t he really have died on a Friday the 13th?

At the VMAs, Kanye West admitted to rolling “a little something” and also said “As you have probably guessed, I have decided to run for president in 2020.” Well, Kanye is opinionated and egotistical enough, maybe he really wants to be on a 2016 ticket with Donald Trump.