Posted tagged ‘lochte jokes’

Playing the black – or red -hole?

August 26, 2016

The Oakland Raiders have filed to trademark the name “Las Vegas Raiders.” If they move will the team’s new motto be “Against all odds?”

Now that the Olympics is over, NBC’s next big televised event is the first Presidential debate on September 26. Wonder if the network will show it some time before the actual election?

 

Anyone who thinks baseball is boring wasn’t watching Thursday night’s Giants Dodgers game and Matt Moore’s near no-hitter.

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Former MLB pitcher David Aardsma said Tim Tebow impressed him in practice sessions, and made a lot of progress with his hitting and adjusments: “It actually really pissed me off.”
Of course, Tebow still may not be anywhere close to a major league hitter. Which means these days he’d fit right in on the SF Giants.

 

Silver lining to the #SFGIants recent free fall? #Dodgers can no longer block any trades they make on the waiver wire.

Ryan Lochte has a new sponsorship deal with Pine Brothers for throat lozenges – “Forgiving on your throat.”
What about Depends “When you gotta go…”

Martin Shkreli is speaking out on behalf of Mylan, the company that raised EpiPens prices by over 500%, saying “Can’t someone succeed and not be shamed anymore?” #MakeAmericaIrateAgain

 

All flights in and out of Ft. Lauderdale and Miami were halted today due to a power outrage at the Miami Terminal Radar Approach Control center. Standby for airlines instituting a new “back up battery fee.”

A 59 year old woman who died falling from a Delaware zip line platform had apparently “disconnected herself from the safety system.” Sad, and her adult daughter posted a nice tribute online. But having a daughter means alas the woman was too late for a true Darwin award.

It took a last minute scramble to get Donald Trump on the ballot in Minnesota as the party hadn’t submitted the required names of electors who officially cast the state’s votes. Even in his SNL days, Al Franken couldn’t make this “stuff” up.

After a new ad was released with KKK images, a Trump spokesman said “Hillary Clinton and her campaign went to a disgusting new low today as they released a video tying the Trump Campaign with horrific racial images.”
Right, but videos demonizing refugees and immigrants, those are all just part of how we make America great again. #sarcasm

 

Donald Trump said tonight his great wall at the Mexican border will be 35-45 feet tall, it could be higher. The Great Wall of China, btw, averages 26 feet tall. Wonder how much of Trump’s wall height will be his name in neon?

Trump tweet. “Hillary Clinton’s short speech is pandering to the worst instincts in our society. She should be ashamed of herself!”
Guess he didn’t have enough characters also to tweet “That’s MY job.”

Bill Littlejohn on the Raiders potential move – “Two Las Vegas sites are preferred for NFL stadiums—but first, infared cameras had to make sure there weren’t any bodies buried in them.”

Golden medal rule?

August 24, 2016

Hope Solo got a six-month suspension for being bitchy & calling opponents “cowards.” Bad behavior, she clearly should have hit or broken something

 

So what was the bigger sin for #HopeSolo after #USWNT didn’t medal in #Rio2016 ? Being a sore loser? Or being a loser?

Headline that the U.S. women’s gymnastics team got to meet the cast of “Hamilton.” But the tougher question – did they get tickets?

The San Diego Chargers say they have pulled their “best offer” to DE Joey Bosa, their 1st-round draft pick and #3 overall. Bosa will likely now be sitting out indefinitely
This is surprising, usually it takes at least a few games for the Chargers to start messing up their season.

Wednesday was Kobe Bryant Day. Seems somehow wrong to say “Pass it on.”

Reports are that #RyanLochte may go on #DWTS. Will they rename the show #DancingWithTheTruth?

In all the lessons of #Lochtegate, there is one simple one “Do not lie to your mother.” #Rio2016

Swimmer Jimmy Feigen, one of those involved in #Lochtegate, has issued a long apology and explanation which he posted on his lawyer’s website, ending with “I am so sorry for the drama this has caused in everyone’s lives. I am very thankful to be home in the United States with my family and that this ordeal has come to an end.”
We’ll never know exactly what happened, and my guess is there was some blame to go around on this one, but again, if you can’t say “I’m sorry” in a single sentence, it doesn’t seem like much of an apology.

#SFGiants are depressing lately, at least this year’s #SF49ers will only suffer embarassing losses once a week.

 

If #SFGiants decided to take a post-game cruise no need for lifejackets tonight. Even if they fell out of boat no chance of hitting water.

 

 

#MLB commissioner Manfred has lots of ideas to speed up baseball season. #SFGiants would be okay in future with skipping All-Star breaks.

Another 1-0 loss.  Not buying “one mistake” excuse. Cueto hung a pitch, Dodgers pitchers hung several. #Turner hit the mistake. #SFGiants missed all of them.

Rush Limbaugh’s latest Obama attack is over the USDA’s “Rural Pride” program. which wants to have a ‘day of conversation about the struggles of gay and transgender individuals in rural America”:
“What they’re trying to do is convince lesbians to become farmers. They are trying to bust up one of the last geographically conservative regions in the country.”
Well, with Trump these days, guess Limbaugh really has to up his game to get attention.

#RushLimbaugh ranting about #lesbianfarmers. And across America, sheep are thinking “Actually can we have more of those?” #bameansno

Jennifer Lopez, 47, and Casper Smart, 29,, have apparently broken up after five years together. Too much to hope she left him for a younger man?

#EricTrump said it would be “foolish” for his father Donald to release his tax returns. And Eric’s probably right.

Donald Trump said Monday on Fox that he had met with a “top” Chicago PD officer to discuss how “tough police tactics” could help with violence in the city. After a rebuttal from the police department Trump admitted he had just talked to a regular officer.
I’m sure this is somehow Hillary’s fault.

So one of Hillary Clinton’s weaknesses is an occasional defensiveness that opens her up to charges of Nixonian paranoia.
But okay, really, given Trump as an alternative, Nixon himself would be looking pretty good.

Donald Trump ranted today about the Hollywood celebrities supporting Hillary Clinton “in many cases celebrities who aren’t very hot anymore.” As opposed to Kirstie Alley and Scott Baio?

Donald Trump slammed the President for interfering in British politics when Obama urged Brits to vote “stay”. Then today he brought Brexit leader Nigel Farage to a rally to say “If I was an American citizen I wouldn’t vote for Hillary Clinton if you paid me.”
Apparently consistency is another commie-pinko concept.

From T.C.  “Nike has announced it will be exiting the golf club business. Elin Nordegren has ordered some extra 9 irons before they cease production.”

Flame out.

August 21, 2016

The closing ceremony of ‪#‎Rio2016‬ was tonight. Or if you are watching NBC, sometime next week.

 

Ryan Lochte said he “over-exaggerated” his robbery story. “Over-exaggerated?” Seven syllables to say “I lied?”

On the other hand, for all the earlier worries about contamination, organizers of  the Rio Games have to be happy that the biggest piece of trash in the water turned out to be an American swimmer.

 

SF Chronicle reporting the Oakland A’s Billy Butler apparently missed games this weekend because he was injured in a fight with teammate Danny Valencia, This would never happen in the SF Giants clubhouse. These days none of them can hit anyone.

Six Notre Dame players were arrested. Coach Brian Kelly kicked senior Max Redfield off the team, this after Redfield was sent home from last year’s Fiesta Bowl for a “failure to be punctual.” Senior Devon Butler was suspended “indefinitely,” although he was supposed to miss the beginning of the season with a broken foot. The other four will be subject to “internal discipline.”
Well, the Catholic God is all about confession and forgiveness. Especially if you can play football.

 

A young woman who had just moved from Nevada became the third person in a week to die falling from a cliff in San Pedro, near Los Angeles.  She hopped a wall for a “better view” and tripped on her flip flops. Apparently about a dozen people die at the cliff each year.
Maybe they need to change the warning sign, simply to say “x number of Darwin Award winners made here in 2016.”

So regarding the new “focused and consistent” Trump, I think no one can top the late great Maya Angelou “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”

New Trump campaign manager KellyAnne Conway says he “doesn’t hurl insults.”. Of course not. The insults spring fully formed from his mouth, and they are the bestest greatest insults.

Will @realDonaldTrump take opportunity to be less controversial starting Mon, not having to work so hard to take headlines from ‪#‎RyanLochte

A NY Times report found that Donald Trump companies owe at least $650 million in debt. Waiting for the Donald to reply that the Times “doesn’t count good.”

Rudy Giuliani is complaining that the media “fails to point out several signs of illness by (Hillary Clinton).” Once again, Rudy is inviting the media and psychologists to point out signs of mental illness in himself.

New Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway said in 2005 “The fact is that Hillary Clinton could not stand up to a cheating husband, so how in the world would she stand up to North Korea and some of our other enemies around the globe?”
I must have missed when she said “Donald Trump cannot be faithful to his marriage vows, how in the world can he be faithful to the Constitution?”

From T.C.  – “The U.S. 4 x 100 men’s relay team didn’t win their appeal. On the other hand they stopped short  of saying they were robbed in Rio.”

Reaching the goal-ed

August 20, 2016

‪#‎Brazil‬ wins soccer gold on penalty kick. Casual fans who only watch soccer in ‪#‎Olympics‬ or ‪#‎WorldCup‬ fans thinking “Is there any other way?

Nine Australian athletes who wanted to see their basketball team play Serbia were charged with “tampering with their credentials” to get into the area. Police fined them about $3,000 each. Would have been a lot cheaper to use a scalper.

Two of the U.S. swimmers involved in ‪#‎Lochtegate‬ released their own statements – Gunnar Bentz is insisting guns were drawn on them. Jack Conger apologized for the “trouble and embarrassment this event has brought to the people of Brazil and Rio de Janeiro, and the distraction to my fellow Olympicians, then added he was only a witness, not a suspect and was “completely truthful.”
What part of saying “We were wrong, I am sorry” and then shutting up do these guys not get?

Six Notre Dame football players were arrested last night, one for “battery to law enforcement and resisting law enforcement” and five when they were stopped for speeding and police allegedly found a handgun and marijuana in the car.
So let’s figure out how coach Brian Kelly manages to suspend them for the first quarter of the Nevada game.

Right about now the ‪#‎Reds‬ should be expecting nice gift baskets from the ‪#‎SFGiants‬. ‪#‎BeatLA‬

 

A self-proclaimed white supremacist is in jail after stabbing an inter-racial couple when he saw them kissing in Olympia, Washington. ‪#‎ifonlytheywerearmed‬

#‎Zika‬ travel advisory for pregnant women to avoid Miami Beach. What about women who go to South Beach to party etc & come back pregnant?

Trump supporter actress Kirstie Alley is ripping President Obama for not visiting Louisiana, and when told that state Gov. John Edwards had asked him to wait, responded “that wouldn’t stop me.”
Right, because what’s more important, rescuing people and property or a photo op?

Political consultant Bill Briggs on CNN slamming President Obama for not going to Baton Rouge. Never heard of the guy so I googled him. One of his past jobs – “VP Advance Representative
Office of the Vice President – 2004 – 2009.” Yep, a completely impartial observer….. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

 

Just imagine ‪#‎Trump‬ ad if ‪#‎Obama‬ had gone to Baton Rouge. “This guy cares more about image than people, wasted responder-police time….

 

Credit where credit is due from T.C.  ” US 4×100 relay team stops short of saying they were robbed in Rio.”