Posted tagged ‘Rush Limbaugh jokes’

Golden medal rule?

August 24, 2016

Hope Solo got a six-month suspension for being bitchy & calling opponents “cowards.” Bad behavior, she clearly should have hit or broken something


So what was the bigger sin for #HopeSolo after #USWNT didn’t medal in #Rio2016 ? Being a sore loser? Or being a loser?

Headline that the U.S. women’s gymnastics team got to meet the cast of “Hamilton.” But the tougher question – did they get tickets?

The San Diego Chargers say they have pulled their “best offer” to DE Joey Bosa, their 1st-round draft pick and #3 overall. Bosa will likely now be sitting out indefinitely
This is surprising, usually it takes at least a few games for the Chargers to start messing up their season.

Wednesday was Kobe Bryant Day. Seems somehow wrong to say “Pass it on.”

Reports are that #RyanLochte may go on #DWTS. Will they rename the show #DancingWithTheTruth?

In all the lessons of #Lochtegate, there is one simple one “Do not lie to your mother.” #Rio2016

Swimmer Jimmy Feigen, one of those involved in #Lochtegate, has issued a long apology and explanation which he posted on his lawyer’s website, ending with “I am so sorry for the drama this has caused in everyone’s lives. I am very thankful to be home in the United States with my family and that this ordeal has come to an end.”
We’ll never know exactly what happened, and my guess is there was some blame to go around on this one, but again, if you can’t say “I’m sorry” in a single sentence, it doesn’t seem like much of an apology.

#SFGiants are depressing lately, at least this year’s #SF49ers will only suffer embarassing losses once a week.


If #SFGiants decided to take a post-game cruise no need for lifejackets tonight. Even if they fell out of boat no chance of hitting water.



#MLB commissioner Manfred has lots of ideas to speed up baseball season. #SFGiants would be okay in future with skipping All-Star breaks.

Another 1-0 loss.  Not buying “one mistake” excuse. Cueto hung a pitch, Dodgers pitchers hung several. #Turner hit the mistake. #SFGiants missed all of them.

Rush Limbaugh’s latest Obama attack is over the USDA’s “Rural Pride” program. which wants to have a ‘day of conversation about the struggles of gay and transgender individuals in rural America”:
“What they’re trying to do is convince lesbians to become farmers. They are trying to bust up one of the last geographically conservative regions in the country.”
Well, with Trump these days, guess Limbaugh really has to up his game to get attention.

#RushLimbaugh ranting about #lesbianfarmers. And across America, sheep are thinking “Actually can we have more of those?” #bameansno

Jennifer Lopez, 47, and Casper Smart, 29,, have apparently broken up after five years together. Too much to hope she left him for a younger man?

#EricTrump said it would be “foolish” for his father Donald to release his tax returns. And Eric’s probably right.

Donald Trump said Monday on Fox that he had met with a “top” Chicago PD officer to discuss how “tough police tactics” could help with violence in the city. After a rebuttal from the police department Trump admitted he had just talked to a regular officer.
I’m sure this is somehow Hillary’s fault.

So one of Hillary Clinton’s weaknesses is an occasional defensiveness that opens her up to charges of Nixonian paranoia.
But okay, really, given Trump as an alternative, Nixon himself would be looking pretty good.

Donald Trump ranted today about the Hollywood celebrities supporting Hillary Clinton “in many cases celebrities who aren’t very hot anymore.” As opposed to Kirstie Alley and Scott Baio?

Donald Trump slammed the President for interfering in British politics when Obama urged Brits to vote “stay”. Then today he brought Brexit leader Nigel Farage to a rally to say “If I was an American citizen I wouldn’t vote for Hillary Clinton if you paid me.”
Apparently consistency is another commie-pinko concept.

From T.C.  “Nike has announced it will be exiting the golf club business. Elin Nordegren has ordered some extra 9 irons before they cease production.”


Past his bedtime?

April 11, 2014

Rush Limbaugh is attacking CBS for hiring Stephen Colbert to host “The Late Show, saying the network is “blowing up the 11:30 format under the guise that the world’s changing…..They’ve hired a partisan, so-called comedian, to run a comedy show.” Uh, just guessing that Rush has never watched Letterman?


Tiger Woods isn’t at the Masters. Phil Mickelson missed the cut. But the Red Sox are playing the Yankees this weekend. And over at ESPN they’re thinking “Thank you, Jesus.”


Missouri just dismissed their star WR Dorial Green-Beckman. He already had two marijuana arrests, and last weekend police reported a woman student said he forced open her door and pushed her down four stairs while trying to see his girlfriend. Green-Beckman has been projected as a possible 1st round NFL pick. Wonder how long it will take some kind coach to offer him a second chance?

A shoe was tossed at Hillary Clinton  during a speech? Really? She hasn’t even been elected President yet.

Michael Pineda was seen pitching today with a brown substance on his throwing hand, setting off speculation that he was using pine tar. But hey, it’s the Yankees, so Bud Selig will no doubt proclaim that the steroid era is over.


#GaylordPerry has to be shaking his head over this #MichaelPineda alleged pine-tar controversy. As in, “Dude, Vaseline is colorless.”

A 52 year old woman has been charged with felony counts of solicitation of rape after what she calls a childish “prank that got out of control.” Unhappy at losing her “dream house” to a higher bid, she put ads online pretending to be the new woman owner and claiming she had a rape fantasy. No, not Florida. San Diego.

Kathleen Sibelius apparently was missing a page of her farewell speech today. The GOP immediately set upon this as reason for another vote to repeal Obamacare.


Coldwater Creek has filed for bankruptcy and will liquidate stores. Response from most Americans, who or what is “Coldwater Creek?” #Ithinkiseetheproblem

The Australian Prime Minister says he is “confident” that signals heard are from MH370’s black box. And if a politician says it, it must be true.


The latest, however, from the Australian Prime Minister , is that the search for Flight 370 is “a massive task, and it is likely to continue for a long time.” Which could mean one of the world’s easiest jobs for a while could be “CNN Programming Director.”



Madison Bumgarner,  5 RBIs including a grand slam.  The DH is SO overrated. #Pitchtomadbum #SFGiants


Colin Kaepernick tweeted “The charges made in the TMZ story and other stories I’ve seen are completely wrong. They make things up about me that never happened.” He may be right about TMZ but just maybe Colin should also think about not giving them anything to work with?

(as in, dude, you’re not in college anymore, you’re the face of a NFL franchise….)



From Marc Ragovin  “Fox News Anchor Heather Childers congratulated the UConn men’s basketball team on winning the NAACP championship. Proving once again that a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Fox News anchor Heather Childers congratulated the UConn men’s basketball team on winning the NAACP championship, proving once again that a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Comedy Writer Marc Ragovin of New York

– See more at:

Who needs a prince when you’ve got a pair?

July 12, 2012

Rush Limbaugh today said that Mitt Romney speaking before the NAACP  “sounded like Snow White with testicles.” “Snow White with testicles?” Uh, doesn’t that put a less than family values spin on her living with those seven little men?


Steve Nash is now a Laker. Hoping finally to be the first player to end his championship drought the same year he is eligible for Medicare.

Brazilian soccer star Ronaldinho lost a $750,000 a year endorsement contract with Coca-Cola when he was seen drinking a Pepsi at a press conference. I do see, however, some potential for a serious new advertising campaign with Pepsi.

Negotiations between Brooklyn and Orlando to have Dwight Howard leave the Magic for the Nets have apparently fallen through. Jeez. The Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes split was accomplished with less drama.

Marion Cunningham, who rewrote the much loved “Fannie Farmer” cookbook, died today at 90. Said most Americans under 25. What’s a cookbook? Is there an App for that?

American Airlines is reportedly trying to merger with JetBlue. Great, just what we need, more lousy American service while you sit on the tarmac on a delayed JetBlue plane.

The settlement of a strike by Norwegian oil workers has caused gas prices to drop sharply. Dick Cheney has called for the invasion of Norway.

So Mitt Romney got himself media coverage by telling the NAACP he would repeal Obamacare. Maybe time for President Obama to speak in front of the “National Organization for Marriage” trumping his support for same-sex unions.

Nascar driver AJ Allmendinger tested positive for a stimulant His spokesperson said AJ “has no idea why the first test was positive, and he has never knowingly taken any prohibited substance.” Who said race car drivers aren’t real athletes?

Mitt Romney today to the NAACP -“I believe that if you understood who I truly am in my heart, and if it were possible to fully communicate what I believe…” I’m not even sure anymore that Mitt himself knows who he truly is and what he believes.

Comic-Con starts tomorrow in San Diego. And they have announced that this year strollers will not be allowed in the programming rooms. Shocking! Comic-Con attendees reproduce?

Springing forward….

March 11, 2012

Rick Santorum sent his oldest daughter to Hawaii in advance of their state caucuses. Mitt Romney sent his son to Guam and the Northern Mariana Islands. So there’s a method to the madness in not having birth control, more offspring to campaign for you.

A woman hiker survived for 3½ weeks in a New Mexico national forest before being found on Wednesday with just her cat and a blue sleeping bag. What’s more impressive, that she didn’t try to eat the cat, or that the cat didn’t try to eat her?

Pat Knight, coach of Lamar, son of Bobby, in a rant two weeks ago “We’ve got the worst group of seniors right now that I’ve ever been associated with. Their mentality is awful. Their attitude is awful….” Since then the Cardinals have won six straight and are going to the NCAA Tournament. The GOP has asked if after the tournament Pat would be willing to coach their candidates?

Regarding this As-Giants territorial rights issue, which has been dragging on for three years, Bud Selig says “it’s on the front burner.” Maybe, but if so Selig turned off the gas a long time ago.

One year into the Pac 12, the Stanford Cal “Big Game” has been moved to mid-October (and Stanford-USC to 2 weeks before students arrive in Palo Alto.) And in their 1st year in the conference, Colorado probably knocked Arizona and maybe Cal out of the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. But, hey, there are those television contracts.

Not that I spend much time listening to Rush Limbaugh. But all these advertisers suddenly pulling spots after his recent comments about Sandra Fluke – have they ever paid attention to what he has been saying for years?

Ellen Degeneres just gently spoofed “The Bachelor” on her show. Although had she wanted to, Ellen could have used the show, with its proposal at the end, as an argument against legalized heterosexual marriage.

Sarah Palin is dismissing the movie “Game Change” as unimportant. Well, it takes one….

Mitt Romney won the Wyoming caucuses with 47 % of the vote. Or with 47 votes? Not sure. Maybe it’s the same number.

Rick Santorum won the Kansas GOP primary after Mitt Romney did not even campaign there. Guess Mitt couldn’t figure out anything nice to say about the height of the trees, or what Kansan food specialty he liked.

The Jets signed Mark Sanchez to a $58.25 million five year contract making him the seventh-highest paid QB in the NFL. Sounds like New York has gone from Linsanity to Insanity.

The Detroit Lions’ Ndamukong Suh was ticketed for driving 91 m.p.h. in a 55-m.p.h. zone this weekend in Oregon. Guess Suh also needs to learn not to stomp on the gas.

Open note to anyone who thinks women in sports aren’t as tough as men: LSU women’s basketball coach Nikki Caldwell, who played for Tennessee during the 1990s, had her team lose in the SEC finals last Sunday night, gave birth to a girl, Tuesday morning, and will be back for the women’s tournament.

You’re a rich girl…..

March 6, 2012

Ann Romney said in a Fox News interview “I don’t even consider myself wealthy.” What’s her definition of wealthy? When you can no longer remember how many houses you have?

AOL has now become the 8th advertiser to drop Rush Limbaugh. They would have done it sooner, but their executives who download AOL to keep up on the news just found out about the scandal.

Some want Rush Limbaugh’s talk show off the the air. Not sure. At this point he’s doing a great job fundraising for the Democratic party

A new channel, “Dog TV” is expanding in the U.S. For $4.99 a month (and who knows how much electricity) dog owners are supposed to leave the TV on while they are out, so that their pets don’t suffer from anxiety issues, boredom and depression. And we wonder why other countries hate us.

Pat Robertson’s theory on why all those devastating tornadoes hit the Midwest last week – not enough prayer: “”If enough people were praying [God] would’ve intervened. Wonder how many people it would take praying to have God get rid of Pat Robertson?

You can’t make this “stuff” up – United-Continental merger division: “If you have forgotten your PIN, you will need to change it to proceed. Please complete the following information to change your MileagePlus PIN.” And you start by entering the CURRENT PIN. (Yes, the one you’ve forgotten.)

Last week, former Cal QB Joe Ayoob broke a Guinness World Record by throwing a paper airplane 226 feet, 10 inches. Brett Favre tried to top him, but the airplane was intercepted and run back for a touchdown.

A new Lifetime reality show titled “Bristol Palin: Life’s a Tripp,” will “offer an insight into the life of the 21-year-old mother as she raises her 3-yr old son,”, and “also focus on her relationship with her parents, Sarah and Todd Palin, and her siblings.” In related news, Sarah Palin blasted the media for not leaving her family alone.

Syracuse University said they allowed 10 players who violated their drug policy to continue playing basketball. Gosh. What’s next? Admitting the players didn’t always live up to academic standards either?

No telling for sure now how many of the failed tests involved marijuana, though rumors are that it was most of them. Guess maybe the Orangemen’s defense was that they wanted to get their players NBA ready.

Ndamukong Suh. commenting on the bounty situation: “Me personally, I don’t take part in those things and knowing my teammates and knowing my coaches, we wouldn’t allow that.” Possible translation? “I like to stomp people for free.”

No doubt the Saints will pay for being caught in a bounty scandal. But teams are trying to knock their opponents’ stars out of games? In related news from Casablanca, Captain Renault is still “shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here.”

Another quote from from a wacky liberal on the GOP primary: “It’s been I think, the worst campaign I’ve ever seen in my life. I hate it. I hate the fact that people think ‘compromise’ is a dirty word.” The speaker, former first lady Barbara Bush.

It’s not going to happen but….you go girl! Stacey Newman, a Missouri House member who’s frustrated with all the recent debates over birth control and abortions, has proposed legislation to allow vasectomies only when necessary to protect a man from serious injury or death..

(my friend Candace Cambra adds that Virginia State Senator Janet Howell, introduced an amendment to a mandatory ultrasound bill that would require men to have a rectal exam before being prescribed Viagra.)

Former NFL wide receiver Randy Moss will tryout for New Orleans on Tuesday. Guess they figure having him in a Saints uniform can’t be any more embarrassing than “Bounty-gate.”

Decision 2012?

March 5, 2012

Some chatter because when ABC showed Lebron James on Sunday entering the Staples Center, James was carrying a large leather “man-purse.” Well, at least Lebron didn’t have a one-hour special showing him shopping for it.

Deron Williams scored a New Jersey Nets franchise record 57 points tonight. But maybe there should be a asterisk. The game was against the Charlotte Bobcats.

More than a little hypocrisy in some NFL teams acting all upset about New Orleans bounty program because they would “never” do the same thing. And have to think that before his turnaround 2011 season, some 49ers fans might have paid the Saints to go after Alex Smith too.

Several GOP candidates have come out with very soft criticism of Rush Limbaugh’s “slut” comment. Prompting this reaction “It was depressing because what it indicates is that the Republican leaders are afraid of (him). They want to bomb Iran, but they’re afraid of Rush Limbaugh.” From that noted liberal icon George Will.

Ron Paul on Rush Limbaugh’s apology to Sandra Fluke for calling her a “slut.” He’s doing it because some people were taking their advertisements off of his program. It was his bottom line he was concerned about. “I don’t think he’s very apologetic. It’s in his best interest, that’s why he did it.” Now, I’m not voting for Paul, but if he decides to retire from Congress, and host an honest talk show, I’ll watch any time.

Kentucky has won the SEC and no doubt a #1 seed in the March Madness tournament. The two big questions – so can they get to the Final Four? And if so, will they be the third Calipari team to do so and have their wins vacated?

The SF Giants won a split-squad spring training game 11-1 against the Arizona Diamondbacks, after a 41 minute delay caused by a swarm of bees. 11-1? After last year’s offense? Let’s just hope that MLB doesn’t classify bees as PEDs.

Worst thing about watching Kobe and the Lakers take on Lebron James and the Heat – they can’t both lose.

A Philadelphia man who has been using a cell phone jammer to interrupt conversations on city buses has apparently put the device away after learning he could face fines and jail time. But I’ll bet they are lining up to offer him a job as a consultant for movie theaters.

Japanese equestrian Hiroshi Hoketsu just qualified for the London Olympics at age 70. Japanese officials, however, have not yet decided if he will compete. But how many people would tune in just to hear him yell “You punks get off my field.”

Okay, following the Lindsay Lohan/SNL complaint post yesterday, decided to be positiv and mention some all-time favorite SNL characters, skits and lines. For starters, loved Rosanne Rosannadana, Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin, Schweddy balls, and Point-Counterpoint – “Jane, you ignorant slut.”

Also “Toonces” the driving cat, “two wild and crazy guys,” Conehead family feud, church lady, Sully and Denise….. more suggestions encouraged in comments.

Two plus hour delays to reach the new United Airlines by phone Sunday. The airline message says “If you’re not flying in the next 72 hours, please call back later. If you are flying in the next 72 hours, you’re SOL.” (Or with luck have a book or game that’s not attached to your phone.

Crashing and burning.

March 4, 2012

The Costa Concordia wasn’t Captain Schettino’s first mishap. He also crashed a second cruise ship in 2010 resulting in minor damage while entering a German port. If Schettino can somehow avoid jail, wonder if he’ll be offered a job with the racing team.

Wonder how many folks will be turning into this week’s Nascar race, not in hopes of watching two cars crash into each other. But in hopes of watching another fuel truck flambee.

A 26 year old Florida teacher was arrested and charged with “unlawful sexual activity” with a minor after a 16 year old boy told police they were in love and had had sex in her car. Records showed that the pair had traded more than 12,000 text messages in 4 months. On the bright side, sounds like the kid definitely has learned how to read and write.

Guess Bobby Valentine wanted to make a statement. Boston beat D3 Northeastern University in baseball today 25-0. Following the game the Red Sox were made honorary SEC football boosters.

In the “cheer up it could be worse category”, example A this week has to be the New Orleans Saints. A couple days ago the biggest embarrassment the team was facing was not being able to work out a contract extension with Drew Brees.

(adds my friend Michael Duca, “Brees should look on the bright side – they could have put a bounty on him.”)

On the first day after the United-Continental merger was finalized, reportedly 16% of United flights were on time Saturday from O’Hare airport. Normally when people are this frustrated in Chicago, the Cubs are involved.

The New York Knicks are apparently so excited about the way that they are playing lately that they had a meeting with a doctor to talk about ways to combat insomnia. Presumably the doctor suggested things like warm milk, counting sheep, and watching tapes of the Charlotte Bobcats games.

Rush Limbaugh has now apologized for calling Sandra Fluke a “slut.” Saying “I did not mean a personal attack on Ms. Fluke.” Uh, if Rush doesn’t think “slut” is a personal attack, starting to understand why his marriages have lasted as long as Mitt Romney’s positions.

Am wondering where Sarah Palin was on this one. Since she was so upset about personal attacks on her daughter as an unwed mother… Or is it only off-limits for the media to go after Republican young women who have pre-marital sex?

Rush Limbaugh is referring to Claire McCaskell as a “commie babe liberal.” Hey, that wouldn’t make a bad t-shirt.

Nothing can go wrong… More in the United merger department: Client flying SF to JFK March 4 got “You have received this notification because the first flight in your upcoming UA itinerary is operated by TAM and/or its partners. To check in for this trip, please proceed to TAM’s website or their check-in area at the airport” (TAM only flies to and within Brazil.. and not to SF at all.)

Former San Jose coach Ron Wilson was just fired by the Toronto Maple Leafs after a 1-9-1 stretch. Or as Sharks fans call that, having the team in his playoff form.

“The Lorax” has pulled in over $17 million this weekend. Wonder how much of that was people piling into their SUVs and driving to see the movie in giant multiplexes?.

Spring training games start today. Guess that means we’re watching for the little furry thing who lives in Brian Wilson’s beard to pop out and see if he sees his shadow.

This may only make sense to San Francisco Bay Area readers…But it’s a good day in the San Francisco area when you turn on the radio, and, surprise, it’s Kruk and Kuip on the radio again calling a Giants game.


March 3, 2012

An article in an upcoming article in CFA magazine (a trade publication for investment professionals) says that one out of every 10 Wall Street employees is probably a clinical psychopath. Only one in 10?

Darwin runner-up of the week: A 9 year old boy is recovering after being attacked by a cheetah when he, his mother, and two friends decided to get out of their car at a Dutch Safari park. The park said in a statement that, “Sadly, they missed the warning signs telling them to keep doors and windows shut.”

(Follow-up thought and bad pun of the week – was the cat looking for Chee-toes? Or Chee-fingers?)

The Yankees have indicated they will cut payroll from $210 million to $187 million by 2014. This is like Mitt Romney saying his wife won’t always have the latest model Cadillacs.

$187 million? Isn’t that about a decade’s payroll for the Pittsburgh Pirates?”

Email from R.I.M./ Blackberry “Totally new. Completely exciting. All BlackBerry.” I’d settle for “We’ve figured out how to keep our system from crashing.”

Reactions around the NFL from other teams to the Saints’ bounty program. 1. We are outraged. 2. Quick, purge all our computer files.

Here we go. Now it comes out that the Washington Redskins also had a bounty system for their defense. Fortunately for Redskins opponents the team was as good at taking out opposing players as they were at everything else.

Regarding that 41 year old Modesto high school teacher who quit to shack up with an 18 year old student. Is he hoping to be Secretary of Education in a possible Gingrich administration? (The age gap is the same actually with Newt and Callista)

Sleep Train has dropped their advertising on Rush Limbaugh’s show after his “slut” comments about a college student who wanted to testify on birth control insurance. A bizarre sidelight is that Rush, on his fourth marriage, at least one that started with an affair while he was married, would dare call ANYONE a slut.

Weighty matters.

February 22, 2011

Rush Limbaugh has now decided to take on Michelle Obama’s appearance, saying the First Lady would never be in Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue. With all due respect, the only way Rush himself would be pictured in that issue would be as a buoy.

Carmelo Anthony has apparently been traded to the Knicks. Well, this could work out well. If Anthony moves to New York he’ll be closer to the major networks when it comes time to be a commentator for the later rounds of the NBA playoffs.

The NFL owner and players association are having long secret talks. One lawyer described the proceedings as “We’re in a cone of silence.” Suppose it’s too much to hope for that both sides would “Get Smart.”

Fans are still buzzing over Blake Griffin’s “car dunk” during the NBA All-Star slam-dunk competition. It might have been the biggest dunk ever over a large inanimate object, well not involving Shaq.

Today will mark five YEARS since Supreme Court Judge Clarence Thomas has spoken during oral arguments. I guess he paid attention to that old Lincoln quote, “Better to keep silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

A Florida mother ignited a controversy by having her teenage son stand on a street corner with a sign advertising his 1.22 GPA. The boy is particularly upset because he doesn’t want the school’s football players thinking that he’s a braggart and a nerd.

Three of the Monkees are getting together for a 45th reunion tour.  Which no doubt will feature their hit – “I’m a believer.”   Excpet that now it’s “I’m a believer if i could just remember what I believe.”

More music from Bill Littlejohn:  The Hollies are releasing a song about the 1,255-pound Yankees rotation–‘He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Starter'”

And from my friend Jim Barach:  Prince William and Kate Middleton sent out invitations to 1,900 guests for their upcoming Royal Wedding. Word is that Sarah Ferguson has already put hers up for sale on Ebay.

In England, a travel company is now giving tours of  Kate Middleton’s home town. They are doing so well the company is considering adding a tour of Camilla’s home stables.

Four weddings and a funeral.

June 5, 2010

John Wooden passed away tonight at the age of 99. Or as Larry King said “So tragically young!”

Wooden was by far the winningest college basketball coach in the Pac 8. Many NBA players now will wonder – what was the “Pac 8?” And given recent trends, no doubt it won’t be too many years before many of them as “what is college basketball?”

Rush Limbaugh is getting married for the fourth time. This is shocking. There are four women in American stupid enough to consider marrying Limbaugh?

And with this fourth wife, it now means Limbaugh has had more wives than our last three Democratic presidents COMBINED.

(True, Carter, Clinton, Obama are all on their first.)

The woeful Orioles fired manager Dave Trembley Friday and replaced him with interim manager Juan Samuel. Question – isn’t the term “Orioles interim manager” redundant?

Some wondered before the Stanley Cup finals if the Philadelphia Flyers even belonged on the same ice as the Chicago Blackhawks. And so far the verdict is… more than the San Jose Sharks.

House Minority Leader John Boehner wants Paul McCartney to apologize for his comment upon receiving a Library of Congress award – “After the last eight years, it’s great to have a president who knows what a library is.”

And to be fair, I am sure Laura has told W. what a library is, he just hasn’t been in one.

An open question to baseball fans. If it had been a New York Yankees pitcher who was cheated out of a perfect game, ya think Bud Selig’s response would still basically have been “Accidents happen?”

It’s only June and already 2011 calendars are on sale. I hear they’re selling particularly well near Wrigley Field.

BP CEO Tony Hayward: “So far I’m unscathed … Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” On the Gulf Coast, along with the attempted beach cleanups, the hunt is on for sticks and stones.

Instant nostalgia: Hard to believe only a couple months ago the biggest oil jokes involved Burger King’s “Double Down” sandwich.

Great joke from Alan Ray: Former President George W. Bush has joined Facebook. He filled out his profile all wrong. Under education, he put “It’s complicated”.

It’s not over….

October 6, 2009

How long did the Twins-Tigers tie-breaker game go on? Since it started, Brett Favre retired and un-retired three more times.

Some FSU boosters want Bobby Bowden, 79 to resign. But the school’s athletic director said the coach will not “step down.” At this point, the fall could kill him.

Joe Paterno, 82 when asked if he thought Bowden should stay on, reportedly replied, “Why not, he’ll only get better with experience.

Starbucks is going to start selling instant coffee. Yeah, but when you’re in a hurry it will still take the person in front of you ten minutes to decide which flavor to buy.

A Canadian man shot his handgun into a television, and was sentenced to counseling. He was also ordered as a term of his probation to never, EVER, watch a Maple Leafs game.

(for any Canadian readers, feel free to substitute Argonauts. Although as Canadian readers may also know, the answer to the question of “What’s the difference between the Argonauts and the Leafs is currently – the Argos have actually won three games.)

Now that Rio has been awarded the 2012 Olympics, some IOC members are worried about the large number of prostitutes in the city. But unlike the IOC, the prostitutes are upfront about their price and do generally offer value for money.

Rush Limbaugh may purchase the St. Louis Rams. There could, however, be a hitch. Someone has to convince Rush you can’t play football without a left tackle.

One problem with Major League Baseball playoffs, most kids, especially on the east coast, can’t stay up late on weeknights for the usually ridiculously late games. Now, this years’ division series’ will have only two of the four matchups scheduled on Saturday – the Los Angeles Dodgers against the St. Louis Cardinals (at 607p eastern,) and the Philadelphia Phillies at the Colorado Rockies. And for all those junior Phillies fans…the start time – 937p eastern. I can hear it now “Mommy, can I stay up and watch the national anthem?”

Tom Delay had to quit “Dancing with the Stars” due to stress fractures in both feet. Guess the steps were more than his body could handle, for the first time ever the former House Republican Whip sometimes had to force himself to move to the left.