Posted tagged ‘mh 370 jokes’

Past his bedtime?

April 11, 2014

Rush Limbaugh is attacking CBS for hiring Stephen Colbert to host “The Late Show, saying the network is “blowing up the 11:30 format under the guise that the world’s changing…..They’ve hired a partisan, so-called comedian, to run a comedy show.” Uh, just guessing that Rush has never watched Letterman?

 

Tiger Woods isn’t at the Masters. Phil Mickelson missed the cut. But the Red Sox are playing the Yankees this weekend. And over at ESPN they’re thinking “Thank you, Jesus.”

 

Missouri just dismissed their star WR Dorial Green-Beckman. He already had two marijuana arrests, and last weekend police reported a woman student said he forced open her door and pushed her down four stairs while trying to see his girlfriend. Green-Beckman has been projected as a possible 1st round NFL pick. Wonder how long it will take some kind coach to offer him a second chance?

A shoe was tossed at Hillary Clinton  during a speech? Really? She hasn’t even been elected President yet.

Michael Pineda was seen pitching today with a brown substance on his throwing hand, setting off speculation that he was using pine tar. But hey, it’s the Yankees, so Bud Selig will no doubt proclaim that the steroid era is over.

 

#GaylordPerry has to be shaking his head over this #MichaelPineda alleged pine-tar controversy. As in, “Dude, Vaseline is colorless.”

A 52 year old woman has been charged with felony counts of solicitation of rape after what she calls a childish “prank that got out of control.” Unhappy at losing her “dream house” to a higher bid, she put ads online pretending to be the new woman owner and claiming she had a rape fantasy. No, not Florida. San Diego.

Kathleen Sibelius apparently was missing a page of her farewell speech today. The GOP immediately set upon this as reason for another vote to repeal Obamacare.

 

Coldwater Creek has filed for bankruptcy and will liquidate stores. Response from most Americans, who or what is “Coldwater Creek?” #Ithinkiseetheproblem

The Australian Prime Minister says he is “confident” that signals heard are from MH370’s black box. And if a politician says it, it must be true.

 

The latest, however, from the Australian Prime Minister , is that the search for Flight 370 is “a massive task, and it is likely to continue for a long time.” Which could mean one of the world’s easiest jobs for a while could be “CNN Programming Director.”

 

 

Madison Bumgarner,  5 RBIs including a grand slam.  The DH is SO overrated. #Pitchtomadbum #SFGiants

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Colin Kaepernick tweeted “The charges made in the TMZ story and other stories I’ve seen are completely wrong. They make things up about me that never happened.” He may be right about TMZ but just maybe Colin should also think about not giving them anything to work with?

(as in, dude, you’re not in college anymore, you’re the face of a NFL franchise….)

 

 

From Marc Ragovin  “Fox News Anchor Heather Childers congratulated the UConn men’s basketball team on winning the NAACP championship. Proving once again that a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Fox News anchor Heather Childers congratulated the UConn men’s basketball team on winning the NAACP championship, proving once again that a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Comedy Writer Marc Ragovin of New York

– See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/hartley-millers-hart-attack-april-11-2014-edition-466/#sthash.H9TV53JM.dpuf

College, we hardly knew ye

April 6, 2014

Anyone but me having problems with Kentucky players talking about how they really came together as a team during this intense four month bonding process?

 

Heck, there are celebrity mistake marriages that stay together longer than this Wildcats “team.”-

Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari says he wants to replace “one and done” with “Succeed and Proceed.” Really? “Succeed and Proceed?” Some of his “one and dones” can’t even spell it.

Maybe Calipari would do better to refer to his freshmen leaving for the NBA as a “conscious uncoupling?”

It’s a dated joke but someone had to do it. The March Madness semi-final  Wisconsin Kentucky game hads more runs than a cheap pair of pantyhose.

(younger readers seeing “pantyhose,” it’s okay, you can Google it.)

All these references to “North Texas.” Maybe it’s because those sitting in the upper levels of Cowboys stadium feel like they’re watching from the North Pole?

Postgame chat with UConn’s star guard ends with “Shabazz Napier has helped his team get to a better place.” Because of course it’s the “Get to a better place, State Farm” sponsored interview. Can’t imagine, again, how these kids get the idea it’s all about money.

 

So with senior laden #Florida and #Wisconsin teams both losing #NCAA basketball’s status as 1 year NBA D-League is cemented.

No alleged recruiting or other violations yet but John Calipari could be going for the permanent world record of vacated Final Four appearances.

 

Yasiel Puig was in the Dodgers lineup Saturday, having made it to the park on time. I see a great potential endorsement deal ahead with Uber.

 

The NBA has suspended Bucks center Larry Sanders, who is an advocate for marijuana legalization, five games for using pot. Wonder what Sanders can do with all that free time?

The driver who put a Chicago subway train up an escalator at O’Hare airport has been fired. Well, this will simplify the answer to “Why did you leave your last job?”

 

The Chinese say they have again detected a pulse in the search for MH 370. Well, that’s more than most folks do on an average day with Larry King.

Isn’t it time that CNN replace the “Breaking News. The search for Flight 370” banner, with “The Latest Speculation. The search for 370”?

 

 

From my friend Jim Barach.  “180,000 eggs were stolen from a truck in Florida. Police are now posting armed guards around the clock at the home of the Miami officer who recently arrested Justin Bieber.”