Posted tagged ‘Delay jokes’

It’s not over….

October 6, 2009

How long did the Twins-Tigers tie-breaker game go on? Since it started, Brett Favre retired and un-retired three more times.

Some FSU boosters want Bobby Bowden, 79 to resign. But the school’s athletic director said the coach will not “step down.” At this point, the fall could kill him.

Joe Paterno, 82 when asked if he thought Bowden should stay on, reportedly replied, “Why not, he’ll only get better with experience.

Starbucks is going to start selling instant coffee. Yeah, but when you’re in a hurry it will still take the person in front of you ten minutes to decide which flavor to buy.

A Canadian man shot his handgun into a television, and was sentenced to counseling. He was also ordered as a term of his probation to never, EVER, watch a Maple Leafs game.

(for any Canadian readers, feel free to substitute Argonauts. Although as Canadian readers may also know, the answer to the question of “What’s the difference between the Argonauts and the Leafs is currently – the Argos have actually won three games.)

Now that Rio has been awarded the 2012 Olympics, some IOC members are worried about the large number of prostitutes in the city. But unlike the IOC, the prostitutes are upfront about their price and do generally offer value for money.

Rush Limbaugh may purchase the St. Louis Rams. There could, however, be a hitch. Someone has to convince Rush you can’t play football without a left tackle.

One problem with Major League Baseball playoffs, most kids, especially on the east coast, can’t stay up late on weeknights for the usually ridiculously late games. Now, this years’ division series’ will have only two of the four matchups scheduled on Saturday – the Los Angeles Dodgers against the St. Louis Cardinals (at 607p eastern,) and the Philadelphia Phillies at the Colorado Rockies. And for all those junior Phillies fans…the start time – 937p eastern. I can hear it now “Mommy, can I stay up and watch the national anthem?”

Tom Delay had to quit “Dancing with the Stars” due to stress fractures in both feet. Guess the steps were more than his body could handle, for the first time ever the former House Republican Whip sometimes had to force himself to move to the left.


If reality shows weren’t surreal enought…

August 18, 2009

Now former House Majority Leader Tom Delay, is apparently going to compete in “Dancing with the Stars.”. This follows his role in that campaign finance scandal -“Dancing with the Truth.”

What’s next? Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich in “Let’s Make a Deal?”

And Robert Ensign, John Edwards and Mark Sanford in “Temptation Island.”

In the meantime Larry Craig is considering signing on for “Queer Eye for the 100-percent-absolutely-how-could-you-think-otherwise Straight Guy.”

Hurricane Bill is forming in the Atlantic. No word on what category Bill will become, but the storm seems likely to upstage previous Hurricane Hilarys.

Another thought on Hurricane Bill. Whatever happens, the storm is also likely to flame out over South Carolina.

A couple for Canadian readers.

The Montreal Alouettes and their quarterback look unbeatable these days. Other CFL teams are wondering if there is a way to stop Anthony Cavillo, well, other than having him date Jessica Simpson..

Forget the fact that Y.E. Yang upset Tiger Woods at the PGA on Sunday. How about the more important fact that Korea is now tied with Canada for winning golf majors.

(Mike Weir, Masters 2003)

New Orleans kicker Garrett Hartley was suspended for taking Adderall, a prescription drug he reportedly didn’t realize was on the NFL banned substance list. In his place the Saints signed 45 year old John Carney. Let’s hope another substance on that list isn’t Ensure.