Posted tagged ‘democrat jokes’

The gift that keeps on giving

December 20, 2016

#Starbucks has come up with a Fruitcake Frappuccino. So will it be shelf stable so it can be re-gifted for years?

 

#SF49ers & #Rams play on December 24. Wait a minute, aren’t Americans supposed to wait until Christmas day for a traditional turkey?

NCAA gave Rutgers football notice of 7 possible violations. Can they threaten to make Scarlet Knights bowl-ineligible with a straight face?

Journey has been selected to the Rock and Rock Hall of Fame. Good omen for 2017 SF Giants? #dontstopbelieving

Fire crews were called to the Palace of Auburn Hills this morning. Two-alarm blaze, unknown origin. Well, something’s was on fire and it’s sure not the Pistons.

The Arizona Cardinals released Michael Floyd after his DUI arrest, his 2nd, along with two other “alcohol-related Incidents” at Notre Dame. Reportedly it wasn’t just the arrest but the wide receiver’s lack of remorse.
Now Floyd’s been picked up by the New England Patriots and is heading to the playoffs. Yeah, that’ll teach him.

 

 

A video posted to FB by a fan appears to show a security guard at Qualcomm masturbating during while the Chargers-Raiders played last Sunday. Disturbing, yes But on the other hand at least someone from San Diego got some pleasure out of that game.

Some complain Christian McCaffery should play for Stanford in the Sun Bowl, that it should be about the game and not the future money. Right, except that Stanford by ranking should have been in the Holiday Bowl in sunny San Diego. But instead the Cardinal are in El Paso, where it could snow on Christmas, and be tough conditions, because the Holiday Bowl bypassed them in hopes of getting more fans, i.e. money, from WSU, #karmadoesntlovebowlgames

 

#LenaDunham just said “I still haven’t had an abortion. But I wish I had.”  Now she apologized and said it was a  “distasteful joke”.  Sigh.  Proof positive that no political party or persuasion has a monopoly on stupid.

If the Democratic party wants to look ahead, and we should, here’s an example of the kind of thing to stop: Yesterday, only two electors defected from Trump; four Democratic electors refused to vote for Clinton.

Ugh, many dead from an explosion fireworks market in Mexico City. This is a time when the U.S. is poised to give up even more of our civil liberties, not to mention spend more money. in fighting terrorism. But at the same time the incoming administration wants to eliminate more safety regulations as anti-business….
Yes, terrorism kills. So does carelessness. #whatcouldpossiblygowrong?

Breaking bread?

October 22, 2015

In Israel, a cafe owner is offering 50% off to Jewish and Arab customers who eat at the same table. If this catches on maybe some brave restaurant owner in the U.S could do the same for Democrats and Republicans.

No playoff baseball on TV tonight. So all Americans got to see what it’s like to be a fan without cable.

Matt Harvey made $614,000 from the NY Mets this year while Jacob deGrom made $556.000. Together they almost equal the 2015 Mets’ salary of Bobby Bonilla – $1,193,000.

Don Mattingly will not be back next year as manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers. “I am shocked” said nobody.

It was a pretty painful loss for Michigan last week, but the ‪#‎SF49ers‬ did all they could tonight to put a smile back on Jim Harbaugh’s face.

Just thinking when ‪#‎NFL‬ scheduled the ‪#‎SF49ers‬ and ‪#‎Seahawks‬ for ‪#‎TNF‬ they didn’t expect it would be a battle to get out of ‪#‎NFCWest‬ cellar

So apparently Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian have both signed a document asking that their divorce case be dismissed. Uh, just thinking, since Odom’s in a condition where he probably couldn’t legally even consent to sex, how could he make any decisions on his marriage?

The state of Oregon is suing GNC saying they knowing spiked supposedly all-natural dietary supplements with synthetic drugs. And hundreds of athletes who’ve been caught for various PED’s are saying “See?”

Your “wanna get away” moment:  The Intercontinental Hotel Group printed cards for its elite frequent stay guests, with a special toll free number on the back.  But they mistakenly printed 1-800 instead of their toll-free prefix 1-844.  So callers to the number ended up with “America’s hottest” phone sex line.   Oops.

You know, between investigating Benghazi and Hillary’s emails, not to mention trying to repeal Obamacare and defund Planned Parenthood, it shouldn’t be surprising that the GOP-ledCongress can’t get anything done – they don’t have time for anything else.

As the Republicans continue to go after Hillary for the deaths in Benghazi have to wonder, would they be giving her a bit more of a break if after the attack she had gotten Obama to invade Grenada?

Benghazi committee chair Trey Gowdy when asked what new information they got from today’s 11 hour questioning of Hillary Clinton “In terms her testimony, I don’t know if she testified that differently today than she’s previously testified.”
Well, that’s certainly enough reason to convene another special committee.

Donald Trump retweeted a tweet saying “Ben Carson is now leading in the polls in Iowa Too much Monsanto in the corn creates issues in the brain?” And of course Iowans were furious.
Now Trump tweeted “the young intern who accidentally did a Retweet apologizes.” Would that be the Donald’s excuse as President if he insults one of our allies?

A study published in Current Biology found the louder the howler monkey, the smaller his testicles.
Does this really need a punchline?

Finally, this bus-to-hell item from T.C.    “Louisville University has been accused of using strippers and hookers in their recruiting process for their basketball team. Not to be outdone, up until last week, UNLV was toying with the idea of signing Lamar Odom as their basketball ambassador.”

Decisions, decisions.

November 5, 2014

A very low turnout in this year’s midterm elections. Which must on some level make all the winners and incumbents very happy.  Since all those people who didn’t vote have forfeited their bitching rights.

 

The polls are closed across the U.S. So finally the emails requesting money for the 2014 election will stop. The emails requesting money for 2016 start this morning.

Not that I’m wishing harm on anyone, but it will be interesting to see what happens this winter the first time some natural disaster hits some state where a GOP leader has won election campaigning against the federal government.

 

What a country. Kim Kardashian Monday night posted “‘I’m standing w Obama in the midterm election 2morrow!’ Of course, since Kim probably didn’t take time to vote she probably didn’t even notice the President not being on the ballot.

Not sure what Iowa’s Joni Ernst, who’s been downplaying her ties to Sarah Palin, might be like in the Senate. But her husband Gail at least looks like a gift for the comedy industry. This from his FB page last year: “What do you do if you see your ex running around in your front yard screaming and bloody? Stay calm. Reload. And try again.”

 

 

In Florida, Democrats had hoped a medical marijuana initiative would help Charlie Crist in Tuesday’s election. Alas wonder how many supporters  of the amendment will show up to vote Wednesday.

A statement that kind of sums up American priorities. This from Kristin Mavromatis with the Mecklenburg County Board of Elections in North Carolina: “There are lines all over the place Not quite as long as the line at the Cheesecake Factory but there are lines.”

Wonder how many people who didn’t think they have time to vote had time to update their fantasy football teams. ‪#‎ElectionDay‬

Fox News’ Tucker Carlson. “We need, I think, an older white guy appreciation day, I think they have done a lot for this country.” With all due respect, in the U.S. EVERY day is “older white guy appreciation day.”

 

A Virgin Australia flight bound for Sydney had to return to Los Angeles because of a plumbing problem that resulting in a nauseating smell on board. Ah for the good old days, when the most nauseating thing on a plane was the free food.

President Obama just declared the lava flow from Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano to be a major disaster, which frees up federal money to help. Wonder how many people are thinking.”Yeah, just like Obama to send U.S. money overseas.”

 

Tony Romo says he is optimistic about Sunday’s game in London. Well, of course, who wouldn’t be optimistic with the prospect of playing the Jacksonville Jaguars?

 

Another why there is no satire: Dallas Cowboys hashtag for their London game is ‪#‎CowboysUK‬ Yes, they do.-

 

 

The LA Dodgers have hired Oakland A’s assistant GM Farhan Zaidi as their next GM. Right, okay, because the Athletics lasted so much longer than the Dodgers in recent playoffs.