Posted tagged ‘marijuana jokes’

Let’s make a deal.

February 28, 2015

Officials say they have seized 15 tons of marijuana at a border crossing near San Diego. Okay, seems like it’s time for California Governor Jerry Brown to discuss a little trade with Colorado for water.

 

AEG, who wants to build an NFL stadium next to Staples, commissioned a study by former Homeland Security Security Tom Ridge that said an Inglewood professional sports stadium would be too close to LAX, and thus a terrorism target. Except Shea Stadium and now Citi Field are right next to LaGuardia. Or are the Mets not considered a pro team.

An LA County Sheriff’s official said that a white dress that “greatly resembles” the missing gown taken from Lupita Nyong’o’s hotel room was found yesterday under a sink in the same hotel. Or maybe the dress was found the same day as the theft, but the finder thought it was blue.

You can’t make this “stuff” up dept: Richard Mack, a former Arizona sheriff, who founded the anti-Federal government “Constitutional Sheriff and Peace Officer Association” and fought Obamacare, has now started a GoFundMe campaign to cover his and his wife’s medical care. Because Mack had a heart attack, his wife is ill, and they are uninsured.

Two volleyball players at Erskine College in South Carolina came out as gay. And the school reacted by banning homosexuality, saying in a statement that members of their “community are expected to follow the teachings of scripture concerning matters of human sexuality.” Okay, then, so like Abraham, David, Solomon etc, how many wives and concubines are men at the college allowed?

A new app will allow people to upload pictures of their pets, and let others rate them as “cute or not.” This is probably not what Al Gore had in mind when he invented the internet.

A police chief has been arrested and fired after he ordered a “two-girl special” in an undercover prostitution sting. Yep, Florida. (Miami Gardens)

 

 

William Shatner says he has to miss Leonard Nimoy’s funeral due to a commitment tonight to attend a Red Cross Charity ball in Florida. What, Shatner couldn’t somehow find a late-night or early morning flight on Priceline?

Worst thing about that American Airlines flight from Dallas to Oklahoma City where passengers were stuck on the plane for 9 hours at DFW Airport. The DRIVE time from Dallas to Oklahoma City is about 3 1/2 hours.

White Sox ace Chris Sale fractured his right foot yesterday, apparently from jumping off of his truck. Was he washing it at the time?

(from my friend Tom D. “I kent believe it.”)

 

Russian President Vladimir Putin has taken “personal control” of the investigation into the murder of his political opponent Boris Nemtsov, who was shot yesterday near the Kremlin. And no doubt he will find an investigator who will work tirelessly to blame the killing on anyone but Mr. Putin.

Dude, where’s my congress?

February 26, 2015

Marijuana, in small quantities, became legal tonight in Washington, D.C. But some Republicans are upset. Rep. Jason Chaffetz, a Tea Partier from Utah wrote in a letter to the mayor. “If you decide to move forward … you will be doing so in knowing and willful violation of the law.” Whatever happened to the mantra of “Government out of our lives”?

David Ortiz is not happy about the new pace rules saying a hitter has to keep one foot in the box “I call that bulls—” And Ortiz also indicated he needs the time to strategize so he’ll just pay the fines. Well, maybe Big Papi can call Marshawn Lynch for advice about setting up one of those automatic payment plans.

The way his trial is going, looks like only thing that could get ‪#‎AaronHernandez‬ an acquittal is a change of venue to Los Angeles.

 

Lebron James is complaining that colleges are already offering his young son basketball scholarships “It’s pretty crazy. It should be a violation. You shouldn’t be recruiting 10-year-old kids.” And Les Miles is thinking, yeah, if we thought he might play football we should have started at least 8 years earlier.

The Chicago Cubs announced that they now have a new mental skills program, run by sports psychologist Dr. Ken Ravizza. Will Dr. Ravizza also be setting up depression clinics for Cubs fans?

Carly Fiorina, trashing Hillary Clinton’s touting of all the hundreds of thousands of miles she travelled as Secetary of State: “But unlike Hillary Clinton, I know that flying is an activity, not an accomplishment.” Spoken like someone who has her choice of private planes.

The Ohio news anchor who used a racial slur to describe Lady Gaga’s music, saying afterwards she didn’t even know the slur was a word, is off the air for three days. Presume when she returns it will be with a dictionary?

Federal prosecutors have decided there is insufficient evidence to prosecute George Zimmerman for a hate crime against Trayvon Martin. Or maybe they figured they could save the expense of a trial since this guy seems well on his way to a Darwin award.

Jason Jones has announced he will follow Jon Stewart in leaving “The Daily Show.” Wonder why the mass exodus. Maybe all these comics are beginning to think, that as crazy as the world is becoming, there really IS no satire.

The state of Texas is warning college kids on spring break to avoid Mexico because of the danger of drug cartel violence. Right, go somewhere like Florida with all-American gun violence.

A New York councilman will introduce a bill tomorrow to require the NYPD to become completely digital, and get rid of their typewriters. Responded most millennials “What are typewriters?”

Mark Beckner, the former Boulder, CO police chief who led the 1996 Jon Benet Ramsey murder investigation acknowledged today in a Reddit session that many mistakes were made, for starters, he wished “we would have done a much better job of securing and controlling the crime scene on day one” and the “DA involvement in this case was inappropriate.”
Anyone who followed the case wonders, in his next interview, will Beckner give his opinion that water is wet?

 

 

A lawyer for the Southern California trucker who abandoned his vehicle on the tracks before a Metrolink train crashed into it said the trucker was “running for his life” and not abandoning the scene of an accident. Police found the guy 45 min later, 1.5 miles away……  Was he afraid the train was going to push him into a lifeboat?

 

From Bill Littlejohn.  “Joba Chamberlain’s new contract includes a Cy Young bonus.Isn’t that like Vin Diesel’s  new contract including an Oscar bonus?”

Over optimism?

January 15, 2015

Rex Ryan, in his introductory press conference as coach of the Buffalo Bills, told fans “it’s been 15 years” since the playoffs. “Well, get ready. We’re going.” So does Rex have a special contact to help with tickets?

 

 

 

Less than enthusiastic reaction for a potential third run: “If Mitt Romney is the answer, what is the question? And “Romney is a man of admirable personal character, but his political profile is, well, protean.” This from an editorial in that wacky leftist publication, the Wall Street Journal.

 

Actor Jeff Goldblum, 62, will become a first-time dad, as his wife, Emilie Livingston, 31, is pregnant. These things do make some sense, the baby’s feedings should coincide nicely with Goldblum’s middle of the night bathroom runs.

Why there is no satire. Ted Cruz has been named chair of the House Subcommittee on “Space, Science and Competitiveness.” Having Ted Cruz chair a Science committee is like having Bill Clinton chair a committee on Abstinence.

Oregon’s ‪#‎MarcusMariota‬ has declared for the draft. Good news for ‪#‎NFL‬ teams, and for the rest of the ‪#‎Pac12‬ .

Ah, who says the San Antonio Spurs aren’t a wild and crazy bunch. Why, they visited the White House today, and Tim Duncan showed up WITHOUT A TIE.

A South Carolina mother reported her son missing this week. She last saw him in June 1995 when he went “to follow the Grateful Dead.” Sounds like the son wasn’t the only “Dead Head” in the family.

 

Rosie Perez is out as co-host of “The View.”. Wow, “The View” is still on?

Two men have become the first in history to reach the top of El Capitan’s Dawn Wall without bolts or climbing tools. It took them over two weeks. A lot of men read this and think “Awesome.” And a lot of women think “Why?”

The SF 49ers will apparently hire defensive line coach Jim Tomsula as their new coach, over a host of other candidates including defensive coordinator Vic Fangio, who has been Tomsula’s superior. Looks like the circus is coming to town early this year.

So two questions on the 49ers hiring Jim Tomsula as head coach: How many years is the contract. And how many years into the contract will this new Jim coach until he and the team “decide to go in different directions?”

So a new marijuana spray will be on sale in Colorado this week, that claims to help women have better sex. Well, maybe, or maybe the sex stays mediocre but women then eat enough chocolate that they don’t care.

 

Alternative Monday headline “Obama blows off Cybersecurity Summit preparation for expensive and disruptive selfie opportunity in Paris.” Which is of course what Fox News would have written had the President taken Air Force One and his massive security detail to France for the Unity march this weekend.

From Marc Ragovin “Several NY TV stations are not showing the cover of the current issue of Charlie Hebdo, citing their policies of not airing material that some viewers might find offensive. And yet they continue to show Knicks’ games highlights.

Bowling along.

December 28, 2014

When it comes to sports, in many ways hate has it all over love. Because the teams you love can suck, but there’s still always plenty of opportunity to root against the teams you hate.  (especially during Bowl season.)

As of very late Saturday night on the West Coast,  an AirAsia jet is missing on its way from Surabaya, Indonesia to Singapore, and an Italian ferry with over 400 people on board is on fire in the Adriatic sea. Potential tragedies in both cases, but for CNN, this is hitting the daily double.

 

Michigan governor Rick Snyder has signed a “suspicion-based” drug testing bill for welfare recipients. Hmm, can we expand this to elected officials and candidates? Because some of them sure act like they’re on drugs.

Chicago’s Starlin Castro was questioned by Dominican Republic police in connection with a shooting at a nightclub this morning, after the Cubs shortstop was questioned earlier this month for ANOTHER nightclub shooting. Who does Castro think he is, an NFL player?

The NFL fined Marshawn Lynch $11,500 for an obscene gesture during last Sunday’s game. Wonder how much they’ll fine the ‪#‎NYJets‬ for their obscene performance all season?

Anyone but me thinking that ‪#‎Marchmadness‬ pools are going to be rather forgone conclusions this year? ‪#‎raceforsecond‬ ‪#‎Kentucky‬

Jim Harbaugh is expected to sign on as the coach at Michigan. So time to start two pools. 1. How long until the Wolverines win a Rose Bowl? 2. What percentage of Harbaugh’s contract will he last in Ann Arbor?

So now we are likely to have Jim Harbaugh at Michigan vs. Urban Meyer at OSU Stand by for ‪#‎Whatsyourdeal‬ – the sequel.

A new study found that marijuana use has increased in Colorado. Did the survey also find that water is wet?

According to ESPN Rex Ryan “expects to be” fired by the Jets. Shouldn’t the correct verb be “hopes to be?”

The Browns suspended WR Josh Gordon for Sunday’s season finale. Thereby increasing the odds that no one outside of Cleveland will be able to name a single active player on the team.

 

Johnny Manziel, who is on IR, had to either be present for the Browns’ workout Saturday or be getting treatment. But he was AWOL. And later in the day, Cleveland gave the QB his first fine. So congrats to all who had Dec 27 in the pool.

North Korea, angry over “The Interview,” now referred to President Obama. Is the country trying to curry favor with Fox News?

 

Pardon me?

November 29, 2014

A communications director for Tennessee Rep. Stephen Fincher has apologized after posting on Facebook some criticism of Malia and Sasha Obama’s outfits when their dad pardoned a turkey “Try showing a little class. At least respect the part you play. Dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at a bar.”

Leaving aside the fact that children in the White House are traditionally off limits, many parents saw the picture and thought “I wish my daughters dressed that modestly.”

sasha

 

 

 

Apparently a new study has found that marijuana could help in treating Alzheimer’s. So it still might be “Dude, where’s my car?” But at least you’ll remember you have one.

Happy birthday to LA Dodgers’ announcer Vin Scully, 87.  Or as Jamie Moyer refers to him “that nice young man.”

If ‪#‎Auburn‬ held on,  ‪#‎SEC‬ powers might have had to have an emergency meeting to develop rationales for 2 loss team in ‪#‎CollegeFootballPlayoff‬ ‪#‎AUBvsBAMA‬

But the final score was Alabama 55,  Auburn 44, So when did they change the ‪#‎IronBowl‬ into a flag football game?

Western Kentucky upset previously undefeated #24 Marshall in OT, 67-66. The WKU Hilltoppers may not have earned a bowl bid, but perhaps at least a small bouquet from the BCS powers-that-be?

The Philadelphia 76ers are 0-16. At this point even the Washington Generals want to play them.

Many SF Giants fans are unhappy about a favorite player leaving as a free agent. Oakland A’s GM Billy Beane seems bound and determined not to let star players stay around long enough to be favorites and/or free agents.

For the uninitiated, George Gipp. aka “the Gipper”, died almost 96 years ago this week. Good thing. ‪#‎NotreDame‬‘s play today might have killed him.

Most Americans are agreed in hoping that ‪#‎ESPN‬‘s ‪#‎MikeGolic‬, a ‪#‎NotreDame‬ alum, didn’t make a bet involving a photo over ‪#‎USC‬ game ‪#‎NDvsUSC‬

FSU hung on to beat Florida 24-19, despite Jameis Winston throwing four interceptions so far today. Who knew the Heisman winner’s ambition was to be drafted by the ‪#‎NYJets‬?

A story is going viral about a US Airways passenger who brought a pig on board last week as an emotional-support animal. Wonder how many women are thinking “how different is that from with my ex?”

From Alex Kaseberg  “In Connecticut, a pig was kicked off a flight for being disruptive. This inability to have a pig fly does not bode well for the Chicago Cubs’ season.”

In a retrial, a Cairo judge dismissed all murder charges against former Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarak. Wow, did Egypt import a judge from Los Angeles?

 

A 25 year-old Central Florida high school band teacher has been arrested and charged with having sex with two of his students. One relationship started last year but the girl kept it a secret until last week, when she found out about the new girl. ‪#‎Stayclassy‬

(this is one of those moments when you almost wish the students HAD been armed.)

Where did all the blue people go?

November 28, 2014

This is a picture of a mostly sold-out Rose Bowl in the 4th quarter of today’s UCLA-Stanford game.

 

ucla

 

To be fair,  wonder how many Stanford fans were not only happily watching the game, but wondering, Who is this football team and where have they been all year? ‪#‎nerdnation‬ ‪#‎stanvsucla‬

 

Stanford’s David Shaw was like a different coach today. Almost like he’s auditioning for a hypothetical open local ‪#‎NFL‬ job. ‪#‎stanvsucla‬ ‪#‎fearthetree‬

Got to wonder, if the elevator “incident” happened after one of his Pro Bowl seasons, would he have been signed by now?

 

#‎JedYork‬ tweeted at the end of the SF-Seattle game “Thank you ‪#‎49ersfaithful‬ for coming out strong tonight. This performance wasn’t acceptable. I apologize for that.” Wonder how the tweet was received by both fans left in the stadium.

Retailers in Denver had shoppers lining up for “Green Friday” marijuana sales. Of course, wonder how many folks will show for those sales Saturday, or Sunday, or next week….

 

Black Friday crowds were apparently thinner than average today.. Which might mean Americans weren’t shopping as seriously as usual. Or might mean more of us were sitting home today, drinking, eating leftovers, watching TV and shopping online.

So SF Giants fans are all whining about their rough week because Pablo Sandoval left. And SF 49ers fans are just thinking “Oh, STFU.”

British Airways is going to try to save money by standardizing lavatories in their fleet. Wonder how long it will take U.S. airlines to try to save money by just replacing lavatories with disposable plastic bottles.

Apparently HealthCare.gov got off to a much better start in the first week of its second year, with 220,000 new signups. Which means the GOP will be in even a bigger rush to repeal Obamacare now that it looks like it’s working.

Thanksgiving is over for another year. And pretty amazing job in retrospect by the NFL. Three games, three turkeys.

 

Okay, you think you had a tense Thanksgiving with your loved ones. In Pennsylvania a man is recovering in the hospital after his girlfriend woke up from a nap to discover he had started eating dinner without her. So she stabbed him in the chest. (Of course, in Florida or Texas she’d have probably shot him. ‪#‎smallmercies‬)

If the ‪#‎SEC‬ is that good in football why has the team they added from ‪#‎Big12‬ made it to the championship game 2 years in a row? ‪#‎Mizzou‬

 

Better to be silent and thought a fool….

October 25, 2014

Oops. Broncos practice squad player John Boyett, arrested for public intoxication in Denver, told police to “contact my boss, John Elway.” Make that “former boss.” The Broncos cut him yesterday.

 

If you smoke, don’t text…. A Georgia man, apparenty running low on his supply, sent a text asking “You have some weed?” He accidentally sent the text to his probation officer….. Oops. He is now back behind bars.

 

As a Stanford grad, really hated to be rooting against a Cardinal pitcher in the World Series. (Jeremy Guthrie)  But life is a series of tough choices. ‪#‎SFGiants‬.

A home run in the 6th inning for Pablo Sandoval with 1 on and San Francisco down 1 run  might have priced the Panda out of the Giants league in 2015 as a free agent.  But would have been okay with it. #oneyearatatime

Tampa Bay manager Joe Maddon exercised his opt-out clause with the Rays, and is rumored to be going to the Cubs. Maybe now that he’s turned 60, Maddon just wants to be sure of having Octobers off.

ToysRUs removes Breaking Bad Action Figures from  stores. At least parents can still buy wholesome Mortal Kombat figures & video games. ‪#‎WTF‬?

Shocking, we’ve actually found a depth that reality TV won’t sink to….TLC has cancelled “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” because Mama June is dating a recently released convicted child molester. (Of course, there’s still time for another network to pick the show up.)

 

Hell is freezing over. I agree with ‪#‎haroldreynolds‬ . He said “The National League is a better game.” ‪#‎WorldSeries‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

So a health worker arriving from West Africa with no symptoms has been quarantined for 21 days under a new mandatory policy announced by Governors Andrew Cuomo and Chris Christie. Meanwhile, at least one student plus alleged shooter dead in at a high school near Seattle. Think there will be any changes with gun control?

So while we are freaking out about Ebola, a San Diego State student died Saturday from meningitis, which is also spread by close contact. And apparently this poor young woman was in a sorority and went to two frat parties a few days before she had symptoms…. But we aren’t quarantining Southern California, yet.

 

 

T. C.  on American tobacco company RJ Reynolds instituting a no-smoking policy at all its offices. “In related news, the manufacturer of ex-lax has removed all the restrooms from its buildings.”

Messing with Texas.

October 14, 2014

Texas Gov. Rick Perry, speaking in London, telling his English audience  “You always sound so darn smart and refined no matter what you’re saying.” And no doubt many in the crowd are thinking “It’s not just the accent that makes you sound so dumb.”

But also let me get this straight, in Texas, they are upset that the CDC and President Obama haven’t done more against Ebola. Mark this down, Texans are  Cocomplaining that the Federal Government hasn’t done enough to interfere in their state.

Really? Cowboys RB Joseph Randle was arrested last night for shoplifting underwear and cologne in at a local Dillard’s. Wonder if the reaction in Dallas front office was, well at least he didn’t hit anybody.

Apple and Facebook will now cover the costs for women employees who want to freeze their eggs and delay having children. Makes sense, why use those young and energetic years for motherhood when you can work 80 hour weeks for your company?

We’re coming up on the 25th anniversary of the Oct 17, 1989 “World Series” earthquake. Wow. They actually used to play the World Series during mid-October?

 

Alabama TE Kurt Freitag’s status is probably in jeopardy after police searched his dorm room last week and allegedly found 112 grams of marijuana and $4,661 in cash. Thinking this sort of thing presents a major recruiting opportunity for Colorado and the University of Washington.

Dodgers have now hired Andrew Friedman from the Tampa Bay Rays as their new president of baseball operations. Well, money can’t buy happiness. But Friedman may be about to see it also can’t buy chemistry.

Tickets for the Cal vs Oregon football game next Friday at Levi’s Stadium are now 2/3 off at Groupon. Might be a good time to check the place out.  With Cal’s defense and Oregon’s offense there probably shouldn’t be too much traffic leaving late in the 4th quarter.

 

The SF Giants are doing their best to give all baseball fans in the Bay Area a free cardiac stress test. ‪#‎NLCS‬

 

 

#‎SFGiants‬ won at 4 20. Anyone see what Lincecum might have been doing to start a rally in the dugout?

 

 

 

Anyone know how many ways there are to score without a base hit in baseball? ‪#‎SFGiants‬ seem bound and determined to show us ALL of them.

The Royals were almost never on ESPN or FOX during the season, and they still aren’t. But watching them the last couple weeks I find it hard to believe that this team ever lost.

Meanwhile for SF Giants (and St. Louis Cardinals) fans who were watching tonight’s KC Royals and Orioles game – – Amazing how much fun close game is when your heart isn’t set on one outcome. ‪#‎NLCS‬ ‪#‎ALCS‬

 

 

 

The NHL Florida Panthers announced attendance of 7,311 last night. Or as the Montreal Expos used to call that, a packed house.

Muslim druids?

September 5, 2014

President Obama made an unscheduled stop at Stonehenge after a visit to Wales. How long until we see the Fox News headlines “Obama is a druid.”?

 

 

The NY Daily News reports that the father of the 9 year-old girl who accidentally shot her instructor with an Uzi is a New Jersey “wealth adviser” who oversees more than $1.0 billion in investments. Proving again that money can’t buy common sense. #affluenza

 

Apparently Washington Redskins merchandise sales are down this year with all the controversy. Of course, if the team really wants to sell the stuff, have them change the name, and then all the Redskins’ merchandise remaining becomes collector’s items.

Johnny Manziel has filed for yet another trademark, this time “Johnny Cleveland.” At this rate he may end up the only QB with more trademarks than NFL passing touchdowns.

FSU has apparently just begun an investigation into the 2012 rape accusations against Jameis Winston. And no doubt they will finish the investigation within a year after Winston heads to the NFL.

From Bill Littlejohn  “So if the Saints put a bounty on Wes Welker, do they call it a ‘Molly Hatchet’?

 

 

CNN headlines are all about the unresponsive mystery plane that crashed off the coast of Jamaica. Now, while this is a sad story, apparently it was a small private aircraft with only two people aboard. But at least CNN knows where the plane is.

Kim Kardashian, in a British magazine interview, denies that there will ever be another leaked sex tape. “I never want to make the same mistake twice.” Well, yeah, next time she’ll sell i

Hillary Clinton hasn’t officially made a decision about running for President, but she’s made a decision about the decision: “I am going to be making a decision around, probably after the first of the year about whether I am going to run again.” “Geez, can you make up your mind already” responded Brett Favre.

Hertz at Heathrow Airport charges 62.00 UKL for a week to rent a car, and 70 UKL additional to have a second person drive the car. Clearly car rental agencies are learning from the airlines.

You may not root for Jake Peavy. But going back to pick up a win you started after 2 hrs and 41 minutes is seriously #oldschool #SFGiants

A Northern California couple was arrested after sheriff’s deputies searched their home and found large quantities of marijuana and marijuana candy, along with a loaded shotgun and handgun, all accessible to their children, ages 2 and 4. And over at the NRA, their spokesmen’s heads are exploding.

Thursday night in College Football, Texas A&M Commerce beat East Texas Baptist, 98-20. Today no doubt East Texas Baptist’s phones are ringing of the hook with potential $1 million paydays for future games from the SEC.

Stirring the pot.

August 28, 2014

Dodgers LF Scott Van Slyke sprained his ankle yesterday night while playing in Arizona, and claimed it was because “They’ve got bad grass here.” Dude!   You want good grass, sign with the Colorado Rockies.

Athletic director Pat Haden says USC officials vetted Josh Shaw’s story 12 times. Who was in charge of the investigation, O.J. Simpson? And is he still looking for the real hero?

It’s midnight. Does anyone know where Josh Shaw’s latest story on his injury is?

 

Five Easy Pieces moment in Palo Alto: Wanting a glass of sparkling wine while waiting for a table at Delfina. Not on the menu. But but they have a Bellini. Asked nice young man if they could do prosecco. “He didn’t know what prosecco was but said no. Asked what was in Bellini. He checked and said, “peach and prosecco.” Okay, can you do prosecco? “No.” Alas, a woman coworker who overheard overruled him before I got to ask for the “Bellini, hold the Peach.”

USC CB Josh Shaw was suspended indefinitely for lying to explain an injury, now senior RB Anthony Brown quit the Trojans saying “Can’t play for a racist MAN!!!!!”” And just guessing somewhere that Lane Kiffin is cackling.

46 batters retired in a row. A major league baseball all-time record for Yusmeiro Petit. Your move, Kershaw? #Dodgers #SFGiants

Vikings star RB Adrian Peterson apparently told Dallas owner Jerry Jones he would like to play for him and the Cowboys. Quick, check Peterson for concussions.

Apple apparently will unveil iPhones with bigger screens next month. So at least when people look at their screens while walking and driving they won’t have to squint as much.

An internal GOP poll shows that most women are “barely receptive” to Republicans and believe they are “stuck in the past.” Which no doubt will motivate many in the party – to try to repeal the 19th amendment.

Roger Goodell, citing precedent for his two-game suspension for Ray Rice, has now announced that the NFL will suspend players and personnel six games for domestic violence, with a lifetime ban from the league for a second offense. So if it’s about precedents and rules, should the league put in writing what a first offense ban might be for say, actually killing someone?

 

An American Airlines flight from Miami to Paris was diverted to Boston over an argument over a passenger reclining his seat. If this keeps happening presumably airlines will try to prevent such issues, by making all seats non-reclining.

Obama said at a press conference today that “we don’t have a strategy yet’ in Syria. Critics are furious, they want the President to spell out what he intends to do so they can say it is wrong.

Joan Rivers is apparently in a medically induced coma after she stopped breathing during throat surgery. In her honor assume other comedians will rush to make inappropriate jokes?

 

 

From Alex Kaseberg. ” In Malibu, 50-year-old surfing legend, Laird Hamilton, rescued a surfer from drowning. Immediately afterward, Hamilton was offered a spot on the USC football team.”

 

From T.C.  “Texas  A&M QB Kenny Hill passed for 511 yds and broke Johnny Manziel’s single game passing record tonight. In related news, the patent office says that the name Kenny Football has not yet been copyrighted.”

 

Parent trap.

August 27, 2014

In July,  a South Carolina working  mother of a 9 year old girl was arrested for letting her daughter go to the park alone, with a cellphone, during daylight hours.   The mom was booked for “unlawful conduct towards a child. ” Anyone but me having a problem with the fact that she was charged with a crime, but we have no rules for parents who figure it’s okay to let their daughter of the same age learn to shoot an submachine gun?

 

The story of the 9 year old girl who lost control of an Uzi and fatally shot her instructor at a shooting range outside Las Vegas has gone national. Millions of Americans are appalled. But wonder how many are thinking well, they should have started her with guns younger…

 

A new survey of NFL players found that 75% said they agree with President Obama’s statement that he does not think marijuana is more dangerous than alcohol. And presumably the other 25% responded “Dude, what was that question again?”

 

 

Hurricane Cristobal and Tropical Storm Marie are creating huge waves and high surf on both coasts. Is it too soon to start a pool on the over-under for Darwin Awards?

 

Josh Shaw admitted today that he made up the story about spraining his ankles while rescuing his nephew from drowning. USC suspended him indefinitely – translation “at least the first half of the Fresno State game.” And wonder how long it will take Shaw to attempt to use the story for credit in a Creative Writing course?

Rumors are flying that USC CB Josh Shaw actually broke his ankles in an altercation with his girlfriend, but his attorney insists “There is absolutely NO domestic violence.” And why should we doubt anything Shaw says?

Mark your calendars. September 6, USC plays Stanford, in Palo Alto. Forget the game. The half time show should be memorable. Wonder how many members of the band will show up on crutches.

Parents are suing a Texas day care for allegedly duct taping their fidgety toddlers to nap mats. Millions of Americans read this story and are appalled. But wonder how many others are thinking “could that be arranged with airline seats?”

Police near Houston are looking for a man who abandoned a cellphone with a selfie on it at a 4-acre marijuana farm they recently raided.   Doesn’t do much to dispel that marijuana and short term memory issue….

Apparently there’s a glitch in Madden 15 that makes players fly around the field like they have stepped on a land mine or something. Let’s hope this isn’t a trial balloon for the NFL trying to increase viewship numbers.

 

ESPN now regrets’ the SportsCenter report Michael Sam that focused on shower habits. More like they regret finding out that most Americans are considerably more mature on the subject than the network is….

 

The NFL upheld Josh Gordon’s year-long suspension for using marijuana and violating the league’s substance-abuse policy. So the message is clear to young men, if you get stressed, put down the joint and take it out on your girlfriend.

A man has lost his $34,000 suit against British Airways after he and his partner were flown to Grenada in the Caribbean instead of Granada in Spain. He claims he asked the airline for the correct city and didn’t notice the mistake until he was on the connecting flight from London. Uh, and he didn’t notice the flight time as several hours from England to what he thought would be Spain? #cantfixstupid

 

 

Ice bucket lists.

August 21, 2014

Obama says he has donated to ALS research but declined to participate in the #Icebucketchallenge. For which some are criticizing him. Had the President joined in, however, he would have been criticized for not acting presidential, or for wasting water…..

The Nationals have won 10 games in a row. Finally, something in Washington that won’t be blamed on Obama.

 

 

Twinkies have returned to store shelves but Hostess says they are closing one of the four bakeries that make them. Well, suppose they’ve probably baked at least a 10 year supply by now anyway.

 

 

 

Bud Selig, while he was in Oakland this week said that the increasingly slow pace of baseball games “drives me crazy.” Meanwhile, he had nothing to report on his “Blue Ribbon Committee” for the potential As move to San Jose, which Selig formed in 2009….

The Pittsburgh Steelers top two RBs, Le’Veon Bell and LeGarrette Blount, will both be charged with marijuana possession following a traffic stop. No word on their punishment but wonder when the NFLPA will start pushing for all training camps to be in Colorado and Washington?

Missouri RNC executive director Matt Wills is outraged about reports of voter registration booths in Ferguson. “If that’s not fanning the political flames, I don’t know what is. I think it’s not only disgusting but completely inappropriate.” Actually it seems very appropriate. Whichever “side” you’re on, voting seems more productive than just protesting.

From my funny friend, Jerry Perisho. “The SF Giants won a protest over their rain-shortened loss to the Chicago Cubs; so the game will be resumed today.. Meanwhile, the Cubs filed a protest requesting that each of their games over the last 106 years be replayed.”

Nice family values defense for former Virginia governor Bob McDonnell in his corruption trial – it’s all my wife’s fault.

 

 

Thursday,  Bank of America announced they have reached a $16.65 billion agreement, the biggest settlement in history, for allegedly misleading the buyers of mortgage-backed bonds. Friday I assume the bank will announce that checking fees are going up.

Pete Rose is hoping for a “second chance” from MLB as they change commissioners. Here’s a simple solution. Keep Rose from ever working in baseball again, but put him in the HOF.. Not like it’s exactly a Hall of Saints.

So the 49ers have replaced some loose sod in their new Levi’s stadium that apparently was causing players to slip. So does this mean the team thinks the Broncos, who won 34-0 in last Sunday’s preseason game, just had better cleats?

Why there is no satire. 50 Cent gave Floyd Mayweather an ice bucket alternative, to read one page of a ‘Harry Potter’ book in exchange for $750,000 to a charity of Mayweather’s choice. 50 Cent meant it as an English as a Second Language reading taunt, but he called it an ALS/ELS challenge….

Texas Gov. Rick Perry said that “although we have no clear evidence”, there’s a ‘very real possibility’ that “because of the condition of the border, from the standpoint of it not being secure and us not knowing who is penetrating across, that individuals from ISIS or other terrorist states could be entering the U.S.” As opposed to all those who have entered the U.S. legally and/or were home grown?

 

T.C. says the dreaded SI  jinx may have come into play for a 13 year old Little League pitcher? Mo’Ne Davis’s  team was eliminated with two losses in a row after they put her on the cover.

Not such high times?

August 5, 2014

San Mateo County authorities said they intercepted two large vans carrying 180 bales of marijuana, 5.148 pounds, (worth $23 million). that had just been offloaded from a boat that had sailed from Mexico.   Hmm.. Is there any way California can make a deal with Colorado here? Maybe trade the haul for water?

Chrissie Hynde says that when John McEnroe was at Wimbledon he’d call her because she had pot and they would hang out and smoke.  So Chrissie may be a great musician, but sounds like she’s a lousy judge of good marijuana.

USA Today reports that MLB is down to three finalists to succeed Bud Selig as commissioner. Which means Bud will probably die of old age while in office.

 

A security firm named “Hold Security” says Russian criminals have stolen a total of 1.2 billion Internet user names and passwords. Of course, probably 1.1 billion of those passwords are 123456789.

Last night Albert Pujols tagged up from first and went to second after Yasiel Puig nonchalantly caught a ball. Words were exchanged. The less than fleet-footed Pujols then mocked Puig afterward with gestures and facial expressions. But how long in LA until they start referring to “Puig being Puigy?”

Really? This Fox News headline “Ebola outbreak fuels concerns over health risks along US-Mexico border.” Later in the article Fox does allow that “No case of an illegal immigrant carrying Ebola has been reported. But a Homeland Security report did say that “in two cases, the children of a border agent got chicken pox after their exposure to a child who had the illness.”

A U.S. general was killed and 15 others injured when a shooter wearing an Afghan military uniform opened fire at a training facility in Afghanistan. Alas, once again even for experts, it can be hard to tell the difference between a good guy and a bad guy with a gun.

Everyone’s favorite owner Dan Snyder talked about how those criticizing the Redskins name should focus instead on the difficulties many Native Americans face on reservations. And added that he learned during recent visits to Native American tribes that “they love” the team. Amongst things Snyder clearly has never learned – quit while you’re ahead.

A 62 year old woman who has been arrested repeatedly at San Francisco International Airport trying to sneak onto flights, today made it onto a flight from San Jose to Los Angeles. This may not be what San Jose officials have had in mind when they tout their airport as a faster alternative.

The woman is now in jail in Los Angeles. Presume they will have to bring her back to the Bay Area to stand trial…. by plane?!

So why didn’t we see this on Fox News? The GOP-led House Intelligence Committee just declassified a report on Benghazi. Rep. Mike Thompson says the report “confirms that no one was deliberately misled, no military assets were withheld and no stand-down order (to U.S. forces) was given.”

Time to start trying to repeal Obamacare again?’

In New York, 11 people were injured when two double-decker tour buses collided today near Times Square. Good thing the bus companies aren’t run by the airlines. They’d charge the tourists extra for a thrill ride.

 

 

She’s baaaack. V. Stiviano now is hinting on Instagram that she will soon reveal the father of her 4 year old daughter. And somewhere Andy Warhol is thinking “She’s already had 14 minutes too many.”

 

Driving the bus to hell badly is T.C. (Whose last name is Chong so he can get away with this.)   “One of the signs at Citi Field said ‘Hunter Pence cannot parallel park.’     ?????. Didn’t know he was Oriental.”

 

 

Weekend dreaming?

August 2, 2014

A Michigan woman says a lion at a small private zoo bit off the tip of her finger when she tried to pet it. She is upset. But perhaps not as upset as the lion who thought it was getting some serious human sushi.


Life’s different in Colorado with legalized marijuana. Assume the Rockies are still hard at work trying to take advantage of this weekend’s trade deadline.


Not only did the Dallas Cowboys send season-ticket holders their regular tickets this week, but they also included playoff tickets, including one for the NFC championship game. Well, to be fair, maybe the team figured it was the only way their fans would ever see playoff tickets.

Bummer. That Mideast cease-fire lasted only about as long as the Cubs’ yearly pennant hopes.

Roger Goodell today said that what while domestic violence is “not acceptable” the NFL’s two-game suspension of Ray Rice, is “consistent” with other punishments issued by the league, partly due to it being Rice’s 1st offense. Wonder how many games Goodell would have given O.J. Simpson if his acquittal on murder charges had happened while “the Juice” was active.


SFGiants promoted Jarrett Parker & Matt Duffy from Double A to majors. Should fit right in, line-up has been hitting like Double-A team.


Matt Duffy has already had a more productive #SFGiants career than Dan Uggla. (A hit, a HBP, an RBI, and no errors.)-


Why the San Antonio Spurs will never be America’s Team. They just signed Tony Parker to a contract extension through 2017-18. Where’s the drama? Where’s the angst? Where’s the nonstop ESPN speculation?


Golf.com reports that the PGA Tour has suspended Dustin Johnson for six months for cocaine use. Who says there’s no way to get golf headlines from Tiger Woods?

The KC Royals’ Jeremy Guthrie had an ERA over 10 in his last four starts. Today he was masterful against Oakland in a 1 to 0 shutout. It’s as if the the As temporarily became the SF Giants.

 


Obama today said Putin is ‘ignoring’ Russia’s long-term interests. Maybe the Russian President is trying to be declared an honorary GOP member of Congress.


Two American humanitarian workers who caught Ebola while caring for patients in Liberia are being brought to Atlanta for treatment. And although the disease can only be passed by direct contact with bodily fluids, apparently many other Americans are freaking out on social media. Including Donald Trump, tweeting “KEEP THEM OUT OF HERE.” Ah, for the days that he was just ignorant about birth certificates.


Six people were injured in Palo Alto yesterday when a driver in his 90s hit the gas instead of the brake and accelerated into a local cafe. I wonder how many of those calling for tighter regulations for elderly drivers also believe the government has no business tightening regulations for gun owners.

Big night time Timmy Jim.

July 22, 2014

Okay Clayton Kershaw.   Tim Lincecum called your no-hitter and just raised you a save. #SFGiants #Dodgers

If  Tim Lincecum becomes the the #SFGiants closer someday will his entrance music be “Last Dance with Mary Jane?”

SF Giants are undefeated in games that last at least 500 pitches.  (Tonight’s, 507.  14 innings)

But back to #SFGiants reality.  So far in 2014, five players have played 2nd base for the SF Giants and combined for a .182 average. This statistic is pretty shocking to serious Giants fans. That high?

“Estimate”, Queen Elizabeth’s filly who won the 2013 Gold Cup at Royal Ascot, has apparently tested positive for dope. This is what they get for letting the horse hang out with Prince Harry.

Sarah Palin was caught speeding last week and fined $144. So she can see Russia from her house but apparently she can’t see a Wasilla Police Car.

(Jim Barach wonders,  “was she driving a Maverick?”)

A 105 year old woman threw out the first pitch at a Padres game. Did she credit her ability from sandlot games as a child with Jamie Moyer?

Two white flags mysteriously appeared in place of American flags on the Brooklyn Bridge Tuesday morning. Police say they have no suspects, but will be interviewing anyone in New York wearing a Cubs cap.

(Marc Ragovin, with a great minds, suggests that authorities should instead be looking for Mets fans.)

Tony Dungy in damage control mode. “I do not believe Michael Sam’s sexual orientation will be a distraction to his teammates or his organization. I do, however, believe that the media attention that comes with it will be a distraction.”

Right, whereas players Dungy has supported like Vick, Tebow and Manziel, they weren’t and aren’t distractions….

Meanwhile, the Cleveland Browns say they won’t name their starting QB until at least the 3rd preseason game. Does it make sense for the team in 2014? Maybe. Does it make sense for jersey sales? Absolutely.

A new book about the Secret Service claims that Bill Clinton has another mistress. Shocking. And wonder how many Americans would re-elect him, bimbos and all, if it weren’t for the 22nd amendment.

Ocala, Florida, about an hour from Orlando, has banned people from wearing pants that sag two inches below their waist on city property. Offenders will be fined $500 for face jail time. Can Ocala work on spandex next?

Senior U.S. intelligence officials apparently say they have no evidence of direct Russian government involvement in the shooting down of MH 17.   Uh, did anyone actually think Putin would order something like that? Well, outside maybe of Fox News?

Rocky Mountain Leftover High?

July 17, 2014

CBS News reports that tourists are regularly leaving their leftover marijuana purchases inside rental cars at Denver International Airport, because they don’t want to be arrested when they head home. In related news, Hertz and Avis just reported a 1,000% increase in Colorado job applications..

 

Chris Christie says that on a “case by case” basis, his state may consider housing some of the detained immigrant children. Makes sense, have them spend some time in New Jersey and they may go racing back home.

So the MH17 black box has been sent to Moscow for Investigation. Great. Now we will get the real story because as Edward Snowden tells us, Russia is a great and open country and a champion of human rights….’

We often ridicule U.S. government agencies over their rules and regulations. But it appears that they got this one right: In April, on the “Special Rules” section of its site, the U.S. Federal Aviation Administration put out an order prohibiting American pilots, airlines, charter carriers, and everyone else over whom the FAA has direct jurisdiction, from flying over southern parts of Ukraine.

John McCain is already talking about “profound repercussions” against whoever shot down MH17. Surely we should be able to invade somebody….

The finger pointing has begun between Russia and the Ukraine over MH17. It may take longer to figure out who’s really to blame than it does to find MH370.

(The GOP already no doubt  – has it figured out, it’s Obama’s fault.)

Microsoft has announced they are cutting 18,000 jobs. Of course, the tech giant doesn’t “fire” people, they just tell them they are performing an illegal operation and will be shut down.

 

Cheerful story on a bad news day. My friend Linda M. Wilson reminds me that Disneyland opened 59 years ago  on July 17.. Although there’s a whole generation of Americans growing up with no concept of the phrase “E ticket ride.”

 

Okay, how slow a day was Thursday  in the sports world? ESPN has the headline that the 2015 NFL draft location has been narrowed down to Los Angeles and Chicago.

You can’t make this “stuff” up. MLB and FOX’s excuse for not paying tribute to Tony Gwynn during the All Star Game- is that the “baseball family” had lost a “number of people” this year and they “did not want to slight anyone by singling out one individual.” Well, and that and it would have interrupted the flow of the Derek Jeter show.

To be fair, maybe MLB and FOX made such of a big deal out of Derek Jeter’s farewell All-Star game because they knew he’d already played his last postseason game.

But maybe all of the hype is getting to be overkill.  From Bill Littlejohn:  “A Yankee Stadium suite for Derek Jeter’s final home game is going for $244,000.  Why the discount?”

 

Rocky Mountain High.

May 15, 2014

In the first quarter of 2014, the fastest-growing U.S. hotel market in terms of room demand was…. Denver. Would we call this a high occupancy rate

A 17-year-old girl was kicked out of her senior prom in Virginia last weekend, because some of the fathers chaperoning said her dress was too short, her dancing was “too provocative” and she was going to “cause the young men at the prom to think impure thoughts.” I’ve got news for them, getting up in the morning causes young men to think impure thoughts.

 

Donald Sterling’s lawyer has told the NBA that the Clippers’ owner won’t pay his fine and will sue the league if he isn’t afforded “due process.” So okay, did anyone expect this guy to accept his punishment with grace and go away quietly?

 

MLB has announced they have formed a committee to replace retiring commissioner Bud Selig. Well, considering how that “Blue Ribbon” committee to look into moving the Oakland A’s is working out, Selig apparently has plans to be around for at least another decade.

The Montreal Canadiens and Boston Bruins played their NINTH game 7 last night. A pro sports record. And Chicago Cubs fans responded “What’s a game 7”

In Canada, the FCC equivalent reprimanded three porn broadcast stations, not for obscenity, but because they felt short of the country’s rules requiring at least 35% of content be of Canadian origin. Ah, the things you have time to worry about when you have healthcare and strict gun laws.

Aaron Hernandez has now been indicted on murder charges for allegedly shooting two men dead in Boston in 2012. Just wondering, if Hernandez wasn’t a star for the New England Patriots might police have arrested him a lot sooner, and maybe prevented another murder?

Now the Montreal Canadiens’ Dale Weise said the Boston Bruins’ Milan Lucic “threatened” him during their postgame handshake (Something along the lines of “I’ll bleeping kill you next year.) Wow, a little more public animosity and a few bench-clearing brawls and ESPN might put these two teams on for Americans to watch in prime-time next year.

A tornado was seen just west of the Miami airport. And the National Weather Service Miami posted. “Take cover now.” So did sympathetic airlines respond by posting discount tornado shelter fees?

Robert Copeland, an 82 year-old police commissioner from Wolfeboro, NH, admits to calling President Obama the N-word, and says he won’t apologize. What’s next, Copeland offering the keys to the city to Donald Sterling?

A 31-year-old Texas woman was arrested after posing as a high school student for 8 months. In her defense will she say she was just auditioning for “Glee”?

From Bill Littlejohn:  “City officials say that New York City could survive a Godzilla attack.But, they added, it may not survive this year’s Mets bullpen”

 

For whom the Silver bell tolled?

April 30, 2014

The Los Angeles Clippers are undefeated in the post Donald Sterling era.

Mark Cuban about forcing Donald Sterling to leave the NBA over his private conversations, says “It’s a very, very slippery slope” Translation, wonder what conversations, including with other owners, Cuban himself has been a part of…?

 

Apparently the NBA needs the support of 75% of owners to make Sterling sell the Clippers. And let’s see, over-under on owners who want to risk boycotts or loss of sponsors by voting in his defense? I am guessing zero. (Even including Mark Cuban.)

Donald Trump yesterday said that V. Stiviano was the problem, not Donald Sterling .  “It’s terrible, he got set up by a very bad girlfriend. She was baiting him and she’s a terrible human being.” Sounds like a good thing the Donald’s potential partial ownership of the Buffalo Bills hasn’t gone through yet..

Since #DonaldSterling is banned from #NBA, maybe sponsors will return to #LAClippers.But Clips may lose the new deal with #DuckDynasty.

#WashingtonRedskins fans are wondering if there’s any way they could get #VStiviano (and her tape recorder)  to start hooking up with #DanielSnyder.

Just wondering, what would the NBA have done if #DonaldSterling had made the exact same comments, but for “blacks” substitute “gays?”

 

Serious note.  Regarding the whole “private free speech” question with Donald Sterling. Yeah, we can all say whatever we want when we think we have privacy. But on the other hand, we can also all decide not to support people who we don’t like.

And while many around the NBA knew Sterling was a racist douchebag, the casual fan didn’t. Now they do. And sponsors fled in droves. Have no problem with the league’s decision, but thinking in the end it was less about the moral high ground than money in the pockets of other owners, AND the players.

A recent poll said only 38% of Coloradans think legalizing marijuana has been bad for the state. And many of the rest no doubt responded “Dude, what was that question again?”

An “tunnel to nowhere” is being built on the West Side of Manhattan, (before a massive development is built on top of it). The plans are to eventually link it to new commuter tunnels under the Hudson to New Jersey. Although to be fair, even if the trench does end up leading to NJ, won’t most Manhattanites still consider it a tunnel to nowhere?

A company called GeoResonance says they have found a plane in the Indian Ocean they think could be MH370. Official searchers say they are wrong. Which could be true but when have the official searchers ever been right?

Just a little too wedded to the script? Cheerful Safeway cashier asking “If I needed help out?” My purchase? Half a dozen cans of cat food…..

 

Matt Cain scratched due to cutting himself while making a sandwich. Isn’t your posse supposed to make your sandwich? #sfgiants.

(Cain should NEVER have taken sandwich making lessons from Jeremy Affeldt.)

A thought for the SF Giants, who often give Cain no run support.  Maybe Bruce Bochy should always start someone like Petit for the first inning, let the team score, THEN put in Matt in the second… (SF did score two in the first tonight.)

 

 

It’s high time.

January 20, 2014

With two teams from states where marijuana is legal in the Super Bowl, should they change the game time to start at 420p?

Or with teams from Colorado and Washington in the Super Bowl, is this a sign from above that God wants the U.S. to legalize marijuana?

Not sure when MLK gave his “I have a dream” speech that he imagined part of that dream would become a Macy’s one day sale.

Vladimir Putin, who wants Russian population growth, is claiming that homosexuality decreases the birth rate. If Putin really wants more babies born in Russia, maybe he needs to work on getting an NBA team.

Let’s see – Richard Sherman vs. Peyton Manning? Even as a Stanford grad got to be guessing it’s not going to be hard to guess this year who “America’s Team” is going to be in the Super Bowl.

At Century Link Field after Seattle’s win to make it to the Super Bowl, they played “New York, New York.” Well, guess there isn’t a song titled “New Jersey, New Jersey.” Maybe the tune should have been “Bridge Over Troubled Water?

NBC says they would love to keep Jay Leno after he steps down from “The Tonight Show” on Feb. 6. So if Jimmy Fallon doesn’t work out they can bring Leno back this summer?

I will give Richard Sherman credit for one thing. He has probably assured that the over-the-top Super Bowl media focus will not be on Seattle’s second year QB Russell Wilson

For all the jokes.  Is Richard Sherman an a**hole? Probably. Did he/does he take Adderall? Probably. But really people… he gave a cocky interview after helping to clinch a berth for his team in the Super Bowl. Not exactly the same as a jailhouse conversation. For all that, I’m rooting for Archie’s son to make Sherman look bad.

President Obama said today he doesn’t think marijuana is more dangerous than alcohol, “in terms of its impact on the individual consumer.” Which will no doubt offend liberals because he is not going far enough to legalize it, and conservatives for not calling marijuana a gateway. #cantwin

Sarah Palin claims that Obama should stop playing “the race card” after the President said “”There’s no doubt that there’s some folks who just really dislike me because they don’t like the idea of a black president. There are some black folks and maybe some white folks who really like me and give me the benefit of the doubt precisely because I’m a black president.” Um, okay, but for president substitute “Would-be-president” and for black substitute “stupid.” And you might explain Sarah Palin.

Not open for business?

January 16, 2014

Beanie baby founder Ty Warner pleaded guilty to avoiding over $5 million on $25 million in hidden income, and got sentenced to 2 years probation and 500 hours of community service.  So let that be a lesson to other billionaires….

J.C. Penney is closing 33 stores. Shocking. Penney’s still has stores?

The USADA says that A-Rod’s PED regimen was “probably the most potent and sophisticated drug program developed for an athlete that we’ve ever seen.” Well if so we’ve learned one new thing about PED’s. They don’t work in October.

While marijuana is legal in Colorado, taking it on a plane is not. So Colorado Springs airport is putting in “amnesty boxes” for passengers who forget and bring some with them. Wonder how they determine afterwards which airport officials get to, uh, destroy the evidence.

Jim Harbaugh says he thinks that the Seahawks keeping fans with California billing addresses from buying tickets to Sunday’s game is a good idea, because you want to put your team “in the best possible position to win that you can.” Why do I get the feeling the 49ers ticket office may be getting a little call with future suggestions from their coach?

The latest story on Jim Harbaugh is that his wife hates his pleated khakis, threw his old pairs out, and the 49ers coach bought replacements for $8 at Walmart. So maybe when Harbaugh famously asked Pete Carroll “What’s YOUR deal?” he was talking about pants?

Tom Brady missed today’s practice with an apparent cold. Will Giselle blame the Patriots wide receivers?

Wow. Apparently the fatal movie shooting in Florida theater happened during the PREVIEWS. Imagine if the victim had been texting during the movie itself. Would the killer have have shot up the entire theater?

Bus to Hell time. So if texting during the previews isn’t a good reason to shoot someone in a movie theater, what DOES qualify as a good reason? Just polling my twisted readers/friends.

 

Chris Christie on Tuesday  “This administration and this Legislature will not allow the work that needs to be done to improve the people’s lives of New Jersey to be delayed for any reason.”   Well,  unless we are stuck in traffic.

 

From Marc Ragovin:   Chris Christie is trying to move on from the bridge scandal.  But if he runs for President in ’16, I’m pretty sure his campaign theme song won’t be “Life in the Fast Lane.