Posted tagged ‘Iron bowl jokes’

Pardon me?

November 29, 2014

A communications director for Tennessee Rep. Stephen Fincher has apologized after posting on Facebook some criticism of Malia and Sasha Obama’s outfits when their dad pardoned a turkey “Try showing a little class. At least respect the part you play. Dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at a bar.”

Leaving aside the fact that children in the White House are traditionally off limits, many parents saw the picture and thought “I wish my daughters dressed that modestly.”

sasha

 

 

 

Apparently a new study has found that marijuana could help in treating Alzheimer’s. So it still might be “Dude, where’s my car?” But at least you’ll remember you have one.

Happy birthday to LA Dodgers’ announcer Vin Scully, 87.  Or as Jamie Moyer refers to him “that nice young man.”

If ‪#‎Auburn‬ held on,  ‪#‎SEC‬ powers might have had to have an emergency meeting to develop rationales for 2 loss team in ‪#‎CollegeFootballPlayoff‬ ‪#‎AUBvsBAMA‬

But the final score was Alabama 55,  Auburn 44, So when did they change the ‪#‎IronBowl‬ into a flag football game?

Western Kentucky upset previously undefeated #24 Marshall in OT, 67-66. The WKU Hilltoppers may not have earned a bowl bid, but perhaps at least a small bouquet from the BCS powers-that-be?

The Philadelphia 76ers are 0-16. At this point even the Washington Generals want to play them.

Many SF Giants fans are unhappy about a favorite player leaving as a free agent. Oakland A’s GM Billy Beane seems bound and determined not to let star players stay around long enough to be favorites and/or free agents.

For the uninitiated, George Gipp. aka “the Gipper”, died almost 96 years ago this week. Good thing. ‪#‎NotreDame‬‘s play today might have killed him.

Most Americans are agreed in hoping that ‪#‎ESPN‬‘s ‪#‎MikeGolic‬, a ‪#‎NotreDame‬ alum, didn’t make a bet involving a photo over ‪#‎USC‬ game ‪#‎NDvsUSC‬

FSU hung on to beat Florida 24-19, despite Jameis Winston throwing four interceptions so far today. Who knew the Heisman winner’s ambition was to be drafted by the ‪#‎NYJets‬?

A story is going viral about a US Airways passenger who brought a pig on board last week as an emotional-support animal. Wonder how many women are thinking “how different is that from with my ex?”

From Alex Kaseberg  “In Connecticut, a pig was kicked off a flight for being disruptive. This inability to have a pig fly does not bode well for the Chicago Cubs’ season.”

In a retrial, a Cairo judge dismissed all murder charges against former Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarak. Wow, did Egypt import a judge from Los Angeles?

 

A 25 year-old Central Florida high school band teacher has been arrested and charged with having sex with two of his students. One relationship started last year but the girl kept it a secret until last week, when she found out about the new girl. ‪#‎Stayclassy‬

(this is one of those moments when you almost wish the students HAD been armed.)

Ka ching or not ka ching

December 2, 2013

Would everyone please finish their Cyber Monday shopping? I would like my computer to return to its normal non-glacial speed.

Cyber Monday sales were up 17.5% from last year.  And no doubt office productivity was down at least the same amount.

Carmelo Anthony says the NY Knicks are “playing to lose.” Uh, except that would assume the Knicks are capable of accomplishing one of their objectives.

Oxymoron headline of the day? “The highly anticipated Kardashian Christmas card is here.”

(Although as Gib Worley says “Remember the comedy writers!”)

It is amazing, all these people screaming about NSA surveillance and U.S. drones, seem to have no problem with targeted online sales in their in-boxes based on things they wrote in emails. Or the thought of Amazon dropping their packages to them some day….

Not the Onion: In Birmingham at a party for Alabama fans, one woman apparently shot and killed another for not being a “real fan” Because the dead woman wasn’t upset enough about Auburn’s last second win and was allegedly joking that it wasn’t as bad as if the NBA’s Miami Heat had lost a game. Your move, Florida.

The Republican National Committee sent out a tweet yesterday. “Today we remember Rosa Parks’ bold stand and her role in ending racism.” Well, that ought to end any criticism of the GOP’s being out-of-touch with minorities. (And btw, she didn’t stand, she SAT.)

Have all New York area television stations put out internal memos to be EXTREMELY careful before reading alleged names of the engineers of that doomed Metro North team on the air?

The NFL admitted their officials made a mistake with the downs at the end of the 24-17 NY Washington game. Since the error probably only delayed the Redskins’ elimination by a week, maybe the league should really apologize to the gamblers who took Washington and 1.5 points.

The Passenger Security Fee for airline tickets within the U.S. is currently capped at $5 roundtrip. But Congress is likely to raise it to a maximum of $5 each way. Which doubles the fee for anyone making a connection. An airline spokesman said it’s “not clear how much of the increase would be passed on to fliers.” Not “clear”? To quote “A Few Good Men” I would say it’s “crystal.”

Stanford has to be happy to see that USC has hired Washington’s Steve Sarkisian as their coach. Cardinal fans weren’t too pleased with the Ed Orgeron era. (Seriously, good luck to now former interim coach Orgeron, who resigned today. Hope he kicks Trojan a** with his next team.)

Maybe the New Orleans Saints are just trying to lull the Seattle Seahawks into a false sense of playoff security?

Pittsburgh safety Ryan Clark said Mike Tomlin never intended to interfere with the Ravens’ Jacoby Jones. Surprised Clark didn’t add he accidentally pushed his coach into the lifeboat, oops, I mean over the sideline.

From T.C.   “Alabama has a football player named Ha Ha Clinton Dix. Wonder if his mother is a friend of Hillary’s, or Monica’s?”

Alabama has a football player named Ha Ha Clinton Dix. Wonder if his mother is a friend of Hillary’s, or Monica’s?
– See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/305028/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-November-29-2013-Edition-447#sthash.dGlHRwBM.dpuf

After further review

December 1, 2013

Just guessing Nick Saban didn’t watch this year’s Colts-Seahawks game.

(Indianapolis handed Seattle their – so far- only loss.  And the Colts first took the lead on a blocked field goal run back 61 yards for a touchdown.)

The Auburn-Alabama finish was really one for the ages. Are we sure the Stanford band wasn’t somehow involved?

 

Auburn AD Jay Jacobs said “it would be a disservice to the nation if we got left out” of the BCS game with one loss, mentioning how “a team ahead of us (Ohio State) struggled today.” Yeah, leaving today aside, the Buckeyes’ escape when a 7-4 Michigan team missed a two point conversion was almost as improbable as Auburn’s 4th and 18, 73 yard miracle touchdown pass last week to beat a 6-4 Georgia team.

Best shirt seen at a Notre Dame game ever. In Fighting Irish colors with a shamrock. “Play like your fake girlfriend died today.”

Ted Lilly, 37, has announced his retirement from MLB. “So young?” said Jamie Moyer.

Six Seahawks have been suspended for PED’s since 2011 (7 if you count Sherman who successfully appealed.). But Seattle isn’t worried about losing coach Carroll. The NFL won’t give him a reason to run by putting the team on probation.

All of these discussions about the issues with college athletes and money really distract from the important stuff on the field – like the upcoming Dr. Pepper ACC Championship….

3 players in the OSU-Michigan game were ejected in the first half of today’s game. Now, apparently if you get ejected before halftime, you are not suspended for the next game as well. Translation, if you are on a bowl-bound team, lose your temper early.

 

OSU guard Marcus Hall, after being ejected from the Michigan game, flipped off the crowd on his way out. It’s gestures like that the give Urban Meyer’s teams such a classy reputation.

Says Jon Nedry   “Urban does understand the importance of tradition. Soon, OSU will likely have an many arrests as Florida did.”

Oregon needed a TD pass in the last 29 seconds to slip by Oregon State in their “Civil War” rivalry. Maybe the moral of the Ducks’ story over the last two weeks, it is really really bad karma to diss the Rose Bowl.

#4 Arizona topped #6 Duke in a close game last night in men’s college basketball. This happened because the sport has playoffs and losses still mean you can win the championship. Had this been NCAA football, both the Wildcats and Blue Devils would have been playing local teachers’ colleges.

Kris Jenner is reportedly upset by Kim Kardashian’s “degrading” Bound 2 video with Kanye West and claims ‘Kim’s destroyed her credibility.” No worries, mom, it’s not as if she HAD any credibility.

 

Near Philadelphia, a fight between two female shoppers at a mall escalated into a stun-gun battle. Thinking “Black Friday” really ought to silence those who don’t believe women belong in combat once and for all.