Posted tagged ‘microwave jokes’

All about those Ws.

March 14, 2017

Warriors come back at home for a stirring 2-point win over the…. Philadelphia 76ers?  Looking at the way the team is playing lately looks like true @NBA MVP might be Kevin Durant.

 

Top seed Cal one-and-done in the NIT tournament. Well, at least the Bears won’t be complaining anymore about not making #MarchMadness

Anyone who picked Wake Forest deep into the tournament, either for old times sake or in honor of Tim Dunca,  you still have time to change your online brackets.

 

Oakland As are lowering beer prices for 2017. The same year they’ve signed Santiago Casilla. Coincidence?

Police in Ocala, Florida, have warned residents to be on the lookout for an escaped cobra. But come on, won’t the snake just be standing his ground?

Up in Napa this morning, police found a naked man screaming for help because he was stuck in a shaft above a Togo’s sandwich shop. Cue the “hold the pickle” jokes.

My friend Josh Becker informs me  ESPN is rotating each tournament team and then a notable alumnus. For Purdue the notable alumnus was Herman Cain.

Are the Boilermakers a 9-9-9 seed?

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie apparently got matching tattoos several months before they decided to divorce. Wonder how many parents will put this story in front of their teen children and go “see!”

A big problem in USA is how many millions of Americans took Trump promises as seriously as #thebachelor proposals.

Only 2 1/2 inches of snow fell in Washington, D.C. Will  Trump take credit for cutting the storm down to size?

 

Waiting for Trump to tweet that a far worse storm was averted in Washington DC with help of the best microwave surveillance.

Were the Trump Tax Returns found with a microwave camera. Or was it a television?

So Trump White House is against releasing personal data leaked illegally. Unless it’s Hillary Clinton’s. #TrumpTaxes

Lost in the  #RachelMaddow right or wrong debate is fact if Trump did what other candidates did his returns would already be public .

Paul Ryan on Steve King “Like to think he misspoke & it wasn’t really meant way it sounds.” Time to call GOP the GEP – Grand Enabling Party

In 2014, Trump tweeted that “CBO estimates over 2.5M will lose jobs directly because of Obamacare.” Love may fade, but internet is forever.

The CBO also said yesterday that defunding Planned Parenthood would result in “several thousand” more births paid by Medicaid. Well, good thing the GOP is all about services to poor women and children.

The Trump administration may gut Michelle Obama’s healthy lunch program, allowing more salt and only half the current whole grain requirements. Well,it’s a good thing we will have such wonderful Trumpcare to take care of these kids if they grow up with high blood pressure and diabetes.

Bracket building

March 13, 2017

As Americans focus on their brackets, many sites ask for tie-breakers like guessing the score of the final game. Wouldn’t it be more a test of skill to ask entrants to name one player on each of their final four teams?

 

As everyone expected, one Tim Duncan retired the Spurs had a shot for best record in NBA.

Tim Tebow got his 1st hit of Spring Training for the Mets today. Hope he didn’t trip on his way to first over that blind squirrel carrying a nut.

Mexico eliminated from #WBC after given wrong information on tie-breakers #WTF? So Trump will blame baseball when they don’t pay for wall.

Every time he opens his mouth, #SteveKing shatters the myth of white supremacy.

Kellyanne Conway is now backpedaling on her claim that Obama was spying on Trump with microwaves and TVs, saying she was speaking “generally” and “I’m not Inspector Gadget.”
What, her claims aren’t just #alternativeevidence?”

KellyanneConway “I’m not in the job of having evidence.” Well, when she’s right, she’s right.

Jonathan Tran, the White House fence jumper, was released on his own recognizance, ordered to comply with a mental health evaluation and told he cannot have guns. Where’s the NRA outrage on this one?

Trump’s latest tweet -“It is amazing how rude much of the media is to my very hard working representatives. Be nice, you will do much better!”
Yeah, the media is so rude, they occasionally fact check and remind Trump people of what they themselves actually might have said in the past. Tragic, really.

 

So were people massacred in Bowling Green because they knew too much about the building of surveillance microwaves and televisions?

CBO report  Proposed GOP healthcare will result in 14 million fewer insured by 2018 Waiting for Trump & company to tweet about #alternativenumbers

So did someone in GOP say hell would freeze over before they’d take people’s insurance? #blizzard2017

Clearly Trump was wrong when he accused Obama of tapping his phones. Obama was REALLY tapping his microwaves.

Obamacare promise “If you like your doctor you can keep your doctor.” Trumpcare promise- “If you like staying alive you can keep staying alive.”

Apparent rationale behind #Trumpcare is rural low-income older folks dumb enough to have voted for him don’t deserve healthcare.

Schwarzenegger says he is not running for Senate. Turning down a chance to be the sanest reality star in Washington?

 

In women’s NCAA tournament, #UConn, winner of 107 straight, was given overall #1 seed. In related news committee announced water was wet.