Posted tagged ‘fathers day jokes’

Tear down that flag

June 17, 2015

Covering something serious first this time.  Was just in Memphis at the Lorraine Motel Civil Rights  Museum, where one of their  exhibition on the 1963 Birmingham Church bombing.  A horrible moment in U.S. history, and one you’d LIKE to think we’d moved beyond.   But apparently not.

 

Tomorrow morning in South Carolina the flags will be at half-staff. At the State House, that means the U.S. flag AND the Confederate flag. Too much to hope I suppose that they never raise that Confederate one again….

Apparently Charleston police briefly handcuffed a young white man who fit the description of the shooter, but quickly released him, unharmed, when they realized he was not the right person. Wonder what would have happened if a young black man had been suspected of shooting nine white people?

 

 

But since if we don’t laugh the terrorists win, including the domestic terrorists.    So, though my heart goes out to the friends and families of the victims,  below are jokes written earlier in the evening.

The University of Texas has just approved the sale of beer to the general public at Darrell K Royal – Texas Memorial Stadium, capacity over 100,000 for the 2015 football season, And the state has just legalized firearms on college campuses. ‪#‎WhatcouldPOSSIBLYgowrong‬?

It pains me to say anything nice about a Dodger. But I do love this tweet from Brandon McCarthy. “in keeping with baseball tradition, a Houston exec should walk into the STL offices and hit their best front office guy with a fastball.” ‪#‎hackgate‬

The FCC is going to fine AT&T $100 million for “severely” slowing down data speeds for customers who bought so-called “unlimited” mobile data plans. $100 million?!! So assume AT&T will raise rates to a total tune about $150 million to cover their costs.

Lebron James after the Finals – “We ran out of talent.” And current Lakers fans are going “what is talent?”

As great a run as San Francisco Bay area teams have had, neither the SF Giants nor the Warriors have clinched a championship in front of a home crowd. And now with the 2016 Super Bowl at Levi’s Stadium, pretty sure that tradition will continue.

Johnny Manziel said hs trademark money sign “will not be back. I will not be making it out there.” Which we can all hope is a sign of maturity. Or a realization he won’t be having much on the field to celebrate.

Jim Harbaugh has decided to hold 11 satellite football camps in 7 different states for high school players. which he says is about “sharing a love for football.” Adding, “in my America you’re allowed to cross borders.” Some other coaches, especially in the ACC and SEC, say it’s recruiting and are are apoplectic – Nick Saban says it’s a “competitive disadvantage.”

Not sure about that, but any coach who can upset Nick Saban and the SEC is likely to pick up a lot of fans all across the USA.

Really, KNBR, Really?! The SF Giants’ and GS Warriors’ flagship radio station is running a Father’s Day contest for listeners to share their favorite sports memories with dad. That’s cool.  But what about a Mother’s Day contest for sharing your favorite sports memory with MOM!?

 

So with ‪#‎SFGiants‬ in Seattle they need a ‪#‎DH‬. Can’t ‪#‎Madbum‬ hit and let ‪#‎McGehee‬ be the DH?

Apparently Rep. Darrell Issa was kicked out of a closed hearing on Benghazi that he hadn’t been invited to in Washington, D.C. What’s most surprising? The chairman who escorted him out was a fellow Republican. ‪#‎toocrazyevenforawitchhunt‬?

 

My friend Tom forwards this “wish I’d thought of that”  line from his friend Cliff Miller.  “Suggested Trump campaign slogan: We shall overcomb!”

Sins of Our Fathers?

June 16, 2013

#FathersDay is always a big day for awkward family phone calls. Especially. in the NBA, where the response to a “Happy Father’s Day phone conversation often starts “So which one are you, anyway?”

Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country.  Anyone outside of South Florida tonight not rooting for the San Antonio Spurs against the Miami Heat?

Whatever happens in game 6 and 7, guess there are children in Africa who will be enjoying their “NBA Championship Heat Sweep” t-shirts.

No word on what Kim Kardashian and Kanye West will call their baby. Wonder if they’re auctioning off naming rights?

Ian Kennedy says his 10 game suspension for throwing at the heads of Yasiel Puig and Zach Greinke doesn’t make sense. He’s probably right. It should have been 30.

New Yorkers are a different breed. A woman appears to have committed suicide by jumping from the 12th floor of her ritzy Upper East Side apartment, and a neighbor, who told a reporter the woman was fully clothed including shoes added “”They look like nice dress shoes.”

Stanford graduation speaker today New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg. So wonder if the stadium banned guests bringing in large soft drinks?

Sarah Palin on Syria. “I say let Allah sort it out. ” But then adding “until we have a commander-in-chief who knows what they’re doing.” You’d think the one thing Palin might be an expert on quitting while she’s ahead.

Watching all the best golfers in the world head to the wrong side of par, appears like the real winner at the U.S. Open today was the Merion course.

 

In what apparently was a bad mood last night Texas A&M Aggies sophomore quarterback Johnny Manziel tweeted then deleted the following “Bulls— like tonight is a reason why I can’t wait to leave college station…whenever it may be.” Well, this ought to make Manziel real popular with the local fans if he has a sophomore slump.

 

What happened to “World Peace?” Miss Utah tonight, asked in the Miss USA pageant about the fact that women are primary breadwinners in 40% of households, but still earn less than men. ““I think we can relate this back to education, and how we are continuing to try to strive to… figure out how to create jobs right now. That is the biggest problem right now. “I think, especially the men are … um … seen as the leaders of this, and so we need to see how to … create education better. So that we can solve this problem. Thank you.”

Let me guess,  Miss Utah is neither seeing herself as a future breadwinner nor someone who needs to concern herself much with education.

Father’s Day.

June 16, 2012

Or as they say in the NBA, so many baby mamas, so little time.

This Father’s Day quote from D’backs manager Kirk Gibson as to why he was missing his son’s high school graduation. “You’re supposed to graduate. His mom and the rest of the family will be there. He’s coming to see me next week.”‘ Hope Gibson remembers this if he’s dying in a hospital some day.

A Saturday with flashes of brilliance, but ultimately sub-par performances:. Wasn’t that long ago that Tiger Woods and Tim Lincecum would have loved to have been compared to each other.

Never thought I could hit a shot like Tiger Woods. On the 18th out of the rough today, maybe I could have.  (for those who didn’t see it, the ball went about 6 feet.)

So quiet during the U.S. Open with all cellphones and cameras banned – the only sounds while golfers are driving and putting come from the birds. Wonder how long it will take someone on the tour to try to ban birds.

Beau Hossler, 17, is amongst the leaders at the U.S. Open, even though he’s only an amateur and a junior in high school. And across the country other high school juniors are thinking “and we have to compete for college admission with this guy?”

The Boston Red Sox put Josh Beckett on the 15-day DL with shoulder inflammation. Maybe he misses the conditioning routine of those bent arm beer curls.

A angry letter in the local Palo Alto paper claimed that Obama’s decision to allow children of illegal immigrants to stay in this country was just a shameless attempt to buy votes, as they would then vote for him to keep their work permits. Uh, one thing – If they are illegals, they can’t vote. –

That’ll teach them. Two Ohio State players, both projected starters, were arrested for urinating on a building and fleeing police officers. Coach Urban Meyer removed their athletic scholarships for the summer, but has said they can work their way back on scholarship and onto the team in time for the start of season..

You REALLY cannot make this “stuff” up: Journalist Neil Munro interrupted President Obama yesterday and yelled “What about American workers who are unemployed while you import foreigners? But Munro himself is an Irish citizen holding a green card that allows him to work in the U.S.

A vendor at the San Diego County fair is now offering deep fried cereal. (Trix, for example.) Well, you’ve got to eat something for breakfast before you start on the deep-fried Twinkies.

Mitt Romney, average American, now has a personal stake in the London Olympics. Nope, not a relative competing, but Ann’s horse Rafalca (and trainer, Jan Ebeling) have qualified for the U.S. dressage team.

For those of us whose sons haven’t played Little League for a while. Remember those “inside the park home runs” that didn’t make it out of the infield? http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/mlb-big-league-stew/circus-music-rockies-miscues-turn-miguel-cabrera-grounder-003737569–mlb.html

Father’s Day thoughts.

June 19, 2011

And happy Father’s day to my dad.  From who I inherited a rather twisted sense of humor.

 

The San Francisco Giants are allegedly thinking of issuing  a press release.  They can indeed hit water falling out of a boat. As long as the boat is not in scoring position.

The Cleveland Indians fired their hitting coach,   Jon Nunnally.  In 13 games from June 2-13, they were 7 for 75 (.093) with runners in scoring position.  This is 7 hits more that situation than the Giants have had since last Wednesday.

Jack Nicklaus said Rory McIlroy asked him for advice last year on how to finish a golf tournament?   Wonder if Jack told him “start Sunday with an eight shot lead?”

George W. Bush threw out the first pitch in the College World Series. The pitch of course, started in the middle and veered to the right.

How bad was Britney Spears’  “Femme Fatale” concert last night in San Jose?

This  from Jim Harrington of the Oakland Tribune:

“Some fans felt cheated that Britney Spears performed only three tunes during her much-ballyhooed free made-for-TV concert in March in San Francisco.

As it turns out, they were lucky.”

It may seem like the NBA playoffs go on forever, but at least we know the league won’t expand them a week further. Too many players are already overextended on Father’s Day.

And it’s hard to believe that it wasn’t too many years ago that many people were talking about changing the U.S. born requirement so that Arnold Schwarzenegger could run for President.  These days its hard to imagine Arnold getting elected again to anything. Although he could end up with the title – “Father of our Country.”

From Gary Morton, because it’s too soon to have a blog post without Anthony Weiner involved   (Morton says it will be his last.)  “Now that Anthony Weiner has resigned, we shall once again be a kinder, genital-er country of twits.”