Posted tagged ‘Michelle Bachman jokes’

LA LA land?

June 28, 2011

The Los Angeles Dodgers declared bankruptcy today. So does this really make them “America’s Team?”

Frank McCourt stated that despite the bankruptcy, for the Dodgers it would be “business as usual.”  That’s what real fans are afraid of.

Picture from my friend Daniel Silveira.

New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez divulged that he has been playing through a secret knee injury, which he says he suffered a week ago while pivoting. Wonder which mirror he was in front of at the time?

Meanwhile, on Tuesday in Wrigley Field, number 75 takes the mound for the SF Giants for the first time since April 16. Hard to believe – all that torture in the past 2 1/2 months, and Barry Zito was nowhere in sight.

Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich was convicted Monday on 17 of the 20 public corruption charges against him. Blago’s biggest mistake? Deciding to commit high-profile crimes in Illinois instead of Los Angeles.

A former Citigroup V.P., Gary Foster, has been arrested and charged with charged with embezzling $19 million by transferring money from various Citibank accounts to his personal account at another bank. Great. Commit financial crimes against individuals, get arrested. Commit financial crimes against an entire country, get a bail out.

Serena and Venus Williams both eliminated at Wimbledon. Who do these sisters think they are? American men?

But really, Americans are out of Wimbledon, and now off the leader board at most PGA events. Baseball may yet again be the “Great American Pastime” – it’s the only summer sport we’re still any good at.

Fox News’s Chris Wallace now says he “messed up” by asking Michelle Bachmann whether she’s a “flake.” Apparently the network got an angry request for an apology – from Kellogg’s.

Michelle Bachmann has already mixed up Lexington, MA and Lexington, NH. Today she said, “John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That’s the kind of spirit that I have, too.” Except that the John Wayne from Waterloo was serial killer John Wayne Gacy, executed in 1994 for 33 murders. Think out of all those Gingrich staffers that quit Bachmann could find a good fact-checker?

 

Parenthetical thoughts…

May 28, 2011

Maybe a few history classes wouldn’t have hurt. Michelle Bachman got into trouble before for saying (twice) that the Revolutionary War started in Lexington, New Hampshire. Now she is kicking off her presidential campaign in Iowa. In the town of Waterloo.

(but who knows, maybe Bachman thinks the line “where Napoleon met his Waterloo” refers to a woman he was dating?)

Sarah Palin has apparently authorized a feature film about her career. The film has an announced running time of two hours but will stop halfway through.

Ray Small, former Ohio State WR, is claiming a student newspaper “twisted his words” about teammates selling their rings and getting car deals, and has retracted the statements. Although the newspaper editor says “everything Small said is recorded.” Well, when Small decides he is completely done with football, he has a great future working for Newt Gingrich.

Governor Jan Brewer is going to court to fight the state’s voter approved medical marijuana law.   So let me get this straight, Brewer trusts the people of Arizona to make the decision to carry a gun around, but not to light up a joint?

(Based on events in Arizona and Florida over the last several years, I am beginning to think that too much sun rots your brain.)

Meanwhile, over in Texas,  Governor Rick Perry is the latest to talk about running for President in 2012. Uh, Rick, with all this talk of secession for the Lone Star state, wouldn’t that make you no longer born in the U.S?

A new CNN poll shows Rudy Giuliani, who is not even an announced candidate, leads all GOP presidential contenders. Presume “None of the above” was not an option?

(My friend Scott Russell has an idea, if “none of the above” is the biggest vote getter in an election, throw both candidates out and start over.)

If you think golf needs Tiger Woods, how about women’s tennis needing the Williams sisters? The two top seeds, Kim Clijsters and Caroline Wozniacki, are both out of the French Open. And the response of most sports fans – “Who and who?”

 

 

Aubrey Huff, batting .212, hit cleanup again for the SF Giants today. Now, I love Aubrey, and we pronounce our last names the same way, but these days the only cleanup he’s doing well is helping the opposing pitchers clean up their messes.

(of course I wrote the above before the game, and he got two hits, so am posting it so as not to mess with success.)

Meanwhile, at home plate, Eli Whiteside over Prince Fielder by TKO.