Posted tagged ‘SF Giants jokes’
June 10, 2015
Rumor has it that Homer and Marge Simpson will “legally separate” in this season’s premier of the long running cartoon show. Wow. The damage that legalizing gay marriage does to traditional marriage knows no bounds.
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The South’s Royal palace. Home of “the King.”. (No, it’s not Lebron.)
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Elvis Presley was 25 when he met and started hanging out with his future wife. She was 14. #differenttimes
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So the way the Cleveland Cavaliers are dropping like flies how long until Lebron James puts an ad on Craigslist for potential game 6 or 7 teammates?
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Elon Musk says that Tesla will have self-driving cars within 3 years. Wonder if the more you pay for the model the more the car will act like it’s being driven by an a**hole?
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Torii Hunter, who was thrown out of the Twins-Royals game for arguing a called third, apparently threw his batting gloves, elbow pad, shin guard AND jersey on the field after his ejection. And here some tantrum fans worried instant replay would do away with such exhibitions.
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R.I.P Vincent Musetto, 74. Who? Musetto was a retired NY Post editor. Who might have written the best headline of all time – “Headless body in topless bar.”
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Four tourists, including a brother and sister from Canada, have been arrested for stripping naked on a Malaysian mountain. Locals they say they angered the tribal spirits and caused a recent deadly earthquake, Wow. How often do you hear “Ah those ugly Canadians!”?”
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Pat Robertson, when asked why God would allow a baby to die in the hospital responded. “As far as God’s concerned, he knows the answer from the beginning. And he sees the little baby, and that little baby could grow up to be Adolf Hitler… . He could grow up to be some serial killer. Or he could grow up to die of a hideous disease. God sees all that. And for that life to be terminated when he’s still a baby, he’s going to be with God forever in heaven. And that isn’t a bad thing.”
How come people like Robertson never use that line of reasoning with abortions?
No Panda, no Morse. No power free agent signing. Did someone forget to tell the SF Giants that they were supposed to play small ball?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, NBA finals jokes, Pat Robertson jokes, SF Giants jokes, Simpsons jokes, tesla jokes
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June 5, 2015
Anthony Davis, 25, retired today, the fourth SF 49er to quit football this offseason. And 49ers season ticket holders are thinking – you can do that?
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One of the Republicans supporting President Obama’s efforts to normalize relations with Cuba is South Carolina Rep. Mark Sanford, who has filed a bill to remove all travel restrictions to the island for Americans. Hmm…. because maybe Sanford thinks some day he might to need to hike there?
Brittney Griner filed for an annulment after only being married for 28 days to fellow WNBA star Glory Johnson. As if anyone had any doubt that gay celebrity marriages weren’t really that different from straight ones.
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God Bless Texas. As Hillary Clinton pointed out, a student ID is not sufficient proof of identity to vote…. but a gun permit qualifies.
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Meanwhile, U.S. officials are saying that Chinese hackers have hacked into the computer networks of the U.S. government personnel office and may have personal information on over 4 million people. Maybe Hillary Clinton’s use of private email server was a lot smarter than we gave her credit for.
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Rick Perry in his Presidential race announcement “We must do right, and risk the consequences.” Anyone but me hear “do right” in connection with Rick Perry and think of “Dudley?”
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And we thought he had crazy talk about Cuba: Here’s Marco Rubio on Fox News, talking about Iraq, and insisting he doesn’t advocate “nation-building.” “It’s not nation-building. We are assisting them in building their nation.”
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Yahoo says it is shutting down Yahoo maps. Shocking. Yahoo still had maps?
This might be my favorite story of the week. With all the millions we are spending on trying to track ISIS, the US was able to destroy one of their buildings after Florida airmen noticed one of the terrorists had posted a selfie from a recognizable location. Even those 72 virgins will be telling this guy he’s an idiot.
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Hunter Pence was out for tonight’s SF Giants game with tendinitis in his wrist. Let’s hope he didn’t hurt it trying to figure out how to put on a suit for the White House. #IblameObama
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But really, anyone but me kind of hope the Secret Service doesn’t notice this picture of Hunter Pence before the #SFGiants play in Washington, D.C. on July 4th weekend? #stillcrazyafteralltheseyears
With all the hype over Caitlyn Jenner, who looks like a beautiful movie star, have to wonder, what would be the reaction if the star she looked like was say, the late Phyllis Diller?
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Jessa Duggar, now married, defended her brother’s alleged sexual abuse as “mild, inappropriate touching.” Uh, if you were allowed only side-hugs and no kisses until marriage, how the heck would you know what “mild. inappropriate touching” was?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Duggar jokes, Duggars jokes, gay marriage jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Presidential primary jokes, SF Giants jokes, Texas jokes
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June 4, 2015
So if it’s a pack of wolves, a murder of crows, what do you call all these wealthy people running for President in 2016? I’m thinking “an embarrassment of riches.”
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Okay, giving the Duggars every benefit of the doubt and then some…. As Jim Bob excuses his son by saying it was a (14-15 year old) “child preying on a child.” And “there were a couple of instances where he touched them under their clothes, but it was like a few seconds.” Just trying to imagine their reaction if this “child” was a boy dating one of their “side-hug” only daughters.
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A lot of conservatives are having problems with this whole Caitlyn Jenner thing. On one hand, they have issues with the idea of transgender people. On the other hand, the fact that Caitlyn will make more $$$ than Bruce ever did is ammunition for their belief that we don’t need laws requiring equal pay for women.
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Sarah Palin has weighed in and blamed the Duggar family uproar on the “liberal media.” So congrats to all those who had June 4 in the pool.
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The SF Giants went back to the White House Thursday to meet the President. Their first visit was in 2011. Wonder after that first meeting if the Giants or Obama were more surprised that the other was back there in 2015.
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Apparently Lincecum missed the SF Giants’ White House visit today because he had gone ahead to Philadelphia to get ready to face the Phillies tomorrow. What a shame, Timmy was the one Giant who could have done some serious lobbying with Obama for marijuana legalization. #letTimmysmoke
President Obama today as the SF Giants visited the White House for the third time in five years, “I mean, the truth is, it seems like if they get in, they’ll probably win it.” Clearly the same mantra dozens of candidates are using for the 2016 Presidential election.
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At this point wouldn’t it be simpler and faster for all Republicans who AREN’T running for President to announce it?
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Airline delay excuse of the day. On United a client reports lead flight attendant sliced his finger, had to get stitches so they had to get another attendant. Uh, wasn’t one of the points of TSA to take care of all the sharp objects?
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Rick Perry is running for President again. And he’s smarter this time, because he has glasses. No doubt he’ll tell us three, or at least two reasons why….
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John Bowlen, son of Denver Broncos owner Pat Bowlen, was arrested last night on domestic violence charges, following on John Elway’s son Jack’s arrest for domestic violence last year. Sounds like these guys are trying a little too hard to act like they fit in with NFL players.
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The NCAA has charged UNC with five major violations connected to the school’s long-running academic fraud scandal. Now let’s see how they come up with “severe” punishments that don’t keep the men’s basketball team out of March Madness.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #CaitlynJenner jokes, 2016 Presidental election jokes, Duggars jokes, election jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, primary jokes, Rick Perry jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
May 28, 2015
The U.S. case against FIFA apparently involves bribes “totaling more than $100 million” linked to commercial deals dating back to the 1990s for soccer tournaments in the United States and Latin America. $100 million is a lot of money to affect competition. Of course, for comparison ESPN is paying $470 million a year for the college football playoffs….
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FIFA President Sepp Blatter on the arrests “Let me be clear: such misconduct has no place in football and we will ensure that those who engage in it are put out of the game.” So is Blatter resigning?
Have to share this from Ryan Duca. “Breaking news. Swiss Police confirm that, when arrested, all seven FIFA officials threw themselves on the ground and pretended to be injured.”
The #SFGiants are 10-2 since their right fielder has returned to the lineup field. Let’s hope MLB doesn’t classify Hunter Pence as a PED.
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The team with the highest batting average in the National League is…. the SF Giants?! #whoaretheseguys
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ESPN reports NY Mets pitcher Noah Syndergaard “is the 4th pitcher in the last 50 years to throw 7 scoreless innings in a game, while collecting 3 hits, including a HR.” Is this throwing down the gauntlet to Madison Bumgarner?
The worst division in MLB is unquestionably now the AL East, with even the division leading Yankees at .532, no better than 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th place in most other divisions, and no one else over .500. But the division does have 3 of the top 10 ten payrolls in baseball. (NY, Boston,Toronto.) #moneycantbuyhappiness #orwins
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If the Warriors clinch tonight it will be seven days between the end of the Conference Finals and the beginning of the NBA Finals, the longest layoff ever. Well, I guess the league doesn’t want to give up on the moniker “The Boys of Summer.”
Wow. Just wow. Less than 48 hours after he was cut by the Chicago Bears for a third arrest, which he denied was his fault, Ray McDonald was arrested tonight by the Santa Clara Police for violating a restraining order. #Cantfixstupid
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An Australian man made the news for spending $37K on a birthday party at a private estate for their daughter. The girl just turned 3. Well, if dad has that kind of money, presumably he can set aside as much or more for future therapy.
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Marco Rubio says of the push to legalize same-sex marriage that “we’ve reached the point in our society where if you do not support same-sex marriage you are labeled a homophobe and a hater.”,… After they are done going after individuals, the next step is to argue that the teachings of mainstream Christianity, the catechism of the Catholic Church is hate speech. And there’s a real and present danger.”
Thinking a bigger “real and present danger” to Christianity these days is people like Marco Rubio…
No NBA games to watch now for about a week. And a large number of Americans are going “no what?”
Rand Paul today, on GOP Hawks. “ISIS exists and grew stronger because of the hawks in our party who gave arms indiscriminately. And most of those arms were snatched up by ISIS. … Everything that they have talked about in foreign policy, they have been wrong about for 20 years, and yet they have somehow the gall to keep saying and pointing fingers otherwise.” Well, not sure what job Paul is really angling for, but it sure doesn’t appear to be the Republican VP nominee.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: FIFA, FIFA jokes, Janice Hough, Sepp Blatter jokes, SF Giants jokes, soccer jokes, Westboro Baptist jokes
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May 25, 2015
Despite warnings of dangerous and potentially life-threatening rip currents, 2 swimmers have died and several hundred more have needed to be rescued from Florida beaches this weekend, more than 400 in Volusia County (Daytona Beach area) alone, Darwin would be so proud.
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Just heard Mike Krukow on TV today refer to Bud Selig as a great commissioner of baseball. So guess Kruk picked up some brownies during #SFGiants’ Colorado visit?
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San Jose police arrested DE Ray McDonald, at the time a member of the Chicago Bears, on a domestic violence charge. This is turning into a twisted version of “Groundhog Day.”
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The Ray McDonald era in Chicago is over. The Bears cut him later Monday. So now the question…. which team will give him a 4th chance?
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With the most recent arrest of Ray MacDonald, former Gators’ coach Urban Meyer is really solidifying his position as leader of the all-time trouble team. #Hernandez #MacDonald #Harvin
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Horrible flooding in both Texas and Oklahoma. Forget oil.. Shouldn’t someone be able to figure out a way to build a pipeline for water to California?
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Baltimore Orioles reliever Brian Matusz was suspended 8 games today, after being caught Saturday with a sticky substance on his arm. Considering he was the 2nd pitcher caught in a week, thinking MLB should have tacked on more games for stupidity. #maybeheshouldhavetriedsomethingdifferent?
Apparently a lot of mall shoppers were upset by a black and white PacSun t-shirt displayed Monday with an upside-down U.S.flag, saying it was “disrespectful” etc. Although if you really want to honor fallen soldiers on Memorial Day, is going to the mall the best way to do it?
Basketball fans across the US hoping Stephen Curry is okay. Even in Cleveland, where they’re thinking Steph should think of his long term health, and just take about a month off. #WarriorsvsRockets
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After the first quarter #HoustonRockets were on pace for 180 in regulation tonight.
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Have to wonder how different things might be in the Western Conference NBA finals if the Houston Rockets had only called a time out at the end of game 2?
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Anyone who says baseball is slow has clearly never watched last minutes of #NBA game when fouling is a viable option. #warriorsvsrockets
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Darwin jokes, drought jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, ray mcDonald jokes, rockets jokes, SF Giants jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
May 21, 2015
Okay, this is a bit harsh. And the SF Giants know as well as any team how meaningless the regular season can be when you get to the playoffs. But who says American ingenuity is dead? From the Los Angeles Dodgers’ Wikipedia page:
Clayton Kershaw on the pitch that Madison Bumgarner hit for a home run. “It was a fastball right down the middle. I should have respected him a little more.” Well, since Madbum hit four last year, maybe Kershaw should have just watched a little tape.
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There are only 18 players in MLB who have homered off of both Clayton Kershaw and Zack Greinke. One of them is Madison “Babe” Bumgarner.
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Well, on the bright side for the #LADodgers, they had no wear-and-tear on their bats in 3 games at AT&T Park. #sweep #3shutouts #SFGiants
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Aaron Hernandez, serving a life sentence and now on trial for witness intimidation, apparently has a new tattoo and will “face discipline” for it. So what, they are going to lock the former Patriot away for two lifetimes?
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Brewers’ relief pitcher Will Smith was ejected tonight for allegedly having pine tar on his arm. He said it was a mixture of rosin and sunscreen that he forgot to remove before coming in. Once again I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.
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Many complain that raising minimum wage will result in higher costs. But as USA TODAY reports, while McDonalds’ workers are pushing for a $15 hourly minimum wage, top executives at the company average $1220 an hour. Where’s the outrage over what THAT adds to the cost of a hamburger
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The Duggar parents from “19 Kids and Counting” are rallying behind their son Josh, 27, after it has come out that he molested several girls when he was a teenager: “Even though we would never choose to go through something so terrible, each one of our family members drew closer to God.” Wonder if they’d be as supportive if one of their children simply came out as gay?
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Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf has come out in favor of decriminalizing marijuana. Well, leaving aside the taxation and use-of- police-time issues, Philly fans need all the ways to mellow out they can get.
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Kobe Bryant’s tweet on the Laker’s good luck in the NBA lottery. “We played like crap all season so it’s only right we get the #2 pick HA #lakerluck #goodday” Well, and if the team only wasn’t paying $24 million to one over-the-hill player…..
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Bus to hell time. The world’s largest Disney Store opened in Shanghai and shoppers lined up for over a mile to get in. Sort of the Chinese equivalent of a school crafts fair where adults rush to buy what their children have made?
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The FCC apparently has gotten 22 complaints from viewers watching golf on TV over bad language. And 15 of those involved Tiger Woods. Well, this might mean Tiger’s outbursts are in a different league. Or it might mean he’s the only golfer most people watch.
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At Charlotte’s airport. a man who was angry about his flight being overbooked stripped naked in protest. And airlines are thinking, hmm… less weight, less fuel issues. Can we start having a clothing surcharge?
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Citicorp, Barclays, JPMorgan Chase and the Royal Bank of Scotland have pleaded guilty to rigging the currency markets in 2008 and will pay collectively more than $5 billion in penalties. And you thought your banking fees were high NOW.
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So apparently that shoot out in Waco, Texas started over a parking dispute. Many women heard that and are thinking “And they weren’t even Christmas shopping?
From T.C. “NFL.com is refusing to take orders for personalized jerseys with the name “DEFLATOR” on the back. How about “SSSSSSSSSSS””
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Aaron Hernandez jokes, airport jokes, Disney jokes, Dodgers jokes, Duggar jokes, Janice Hough, Kershaw jokes, Lakers jokes, marijuana jokes, SF Giants jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
May 17, 2015
So since Friday, when the smokestacks topped with bats caught fire at Great American Ball Park, the SF Giants have scored 30 runs in three games. Is it time to do a sacrificial bat bonfire out in the Coke Bottle at AT&T Park?
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Getting the feeling that they had to have to pry #SFGiants hitters kicking & screaming out of the Cincinnati visitor’s clubhouse
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A teenager fortunately escaped with non-life threatening injuries after being gored while posing for a picture with a bison a few feet away. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised to know the teen is female. #equalopportunityDarwin
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Sunday was is “Bay to Breakers” in San Francisco. In many ways a quaint reminder of the days when California used to be considered the craziest state in the U.S.
That #Romney #Holyfield charity boxing match just may have had more action than #Mayweather #Pacquaio
Henry Cisneros said today he thought Hillary Clinton would choose former San Antonio Mayor Julian Castro as her running mate. You’ll know the rumors are serious when some in the GOP start making noises about Castro’s birth certificate.
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Bernie Sanders today on CNN denied he would be a “spoiler” in the 2016 race, and added “Maybe I shouldn’t say this: I like Hillary Clinton, I respect Hillary Clinton” But also asked if the media would “allow us to have a serious debate. Or is the only way you get media attention by ripping apart somebody else”
Besides being a self proclaimed “Democratic socialist,” Sanders is clearly too reasonable to ever be elected President.
Jeb Bush just joined with those who say that Christian business owners should not have to provide services for gay weddings “absolutely, if it’s based on a religious belief.”
I’d take Jeb and any of his fellow candidates more seriously if they would also come out and defend the right of those same business owners to reject wedding services where both parties haven’t remained virgins until marriage, or where one or both have been previously divorced….
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So it’s becoming closer to unanimous amongst U.S.Presidential candidates that the Iraq War might have been a mistake. Now wonder who will be the first to admit there might be issues with the statement “The world is a better place without Saddam Hussein.” #Isis #forstarters–
Kobe and company would like to thank the #Clippers for their gallant effort in contesting the #Lakers for this year’s most embarrassing story at Staples Center
Rut ro, from Marc Ragovin ” The good news: Charlotte Brown, a blind pole vaulter, won a bronze model at a recent track meet by clearing the bar at 11’6″. The bad news: her guide dog, Vador, will no longer be able to have puppies.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bush jokes, choke jokes, clipper jokes, Janice Hough, jeb bush jokes, San Francisco jokes, SF Giants jokes
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May 16, 2015
So all it really took for #SFGiants bats to heat up in Cincinnati is for the ballpark to catch fire?
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As we approach the 2016 election many Americans are supporting Jeb hoping he won’t repeat his brother’s presidency.. Or supporting Hillary hoping she will repeat her husband’s. #Itsallrelative
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A new study sponsored by Microsoft found that humans now have shorter attention spans than goldfish. Oh look, a kitten….
As a regular driver on the bus to hell, still have to wonder, what if we could have only sent critically injured and now convicted Boston bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s to a random HMO hospital, maybe we wouldn’t be facing the current death penalty controversy?
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I understand that vigilante justice is a bad idea, and I understand that jury trials are a right. But how many millions of dollars did we spend saving the life of Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, and on his trial, and how many more millions will be spent on the death penalty appeals.?
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A new study sponsored by Microsoft found that humans now have shorter attention spans than goldfish. Oh look, a kitten….
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Fox News guest Gavin Mcinnes: “The big picture here is, women do earn less in America because they choose to… They’re less ambitious, and I think this is sort of God’s way, this is nature’s way of saying women should be at home with the kids — they’re happier there.” So which GOP Presidential candidate will hire McInnes first as a cultural adviser?
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So apparently Dakota Meyer, Bristol Palin’s fiance, married another woman in 2008. No word on when they split up. But just wondering, would Sarah and others in the GOP support a religious bakery owner’s right not to make a cake for a divorced man?
So now there are rumors, rumors only, that Bristol Palin’s fiance may STILL be married to another woman. As someone who tries to be a decent human being, I hope the rumors are wrong. As a bus to hell comedy writer….
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Hoping for #PaulPierce‘s sake that during last brilliant 3-point shot attempt he didn’t pause for a split second to call “game.” #ATLvsWAS
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So the Stanford Band has been banned from 2015 road trips, for off-field infractions including “an annual trip in which some band members used illegal substances.” Am sure it’s just coincidence that this year’s Cardinal away games include visits to Colorado and Washington State.
So some outrage over ABC’s George Stephanopoulos having contributed to the Clinton Foundation. Guess I missed the outrage from the same folks over Fox News’ Rupert Murdoch’s and Roger Ailes’s donations?
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Boston jokes, bus to hell jokes, Fox jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, SF Giants jokes
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May 12, 2015
Dennis Norfleet, Michigan’s all-time leader in kick returns and kick return yards has been dismissed from the program over a disciplinary issue with new coach Jim Harbaugh. Shall we start a pool with which SEC team Norfleet will end up?
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Jim Harbaugh and Michigan have self-reported four minor violations to the NCAA. One of them, that he sent an autographed helmet and jersey to a high school auction benefiting a scholarship fund. (Which apparently Jim didn’t know was illegal.) Really good to see that the NCAA is focused on the important things.
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Verizon is buying AOL. In hopes that finally two wrongs do make a right?
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So apparently in yesterday’s apparent road rage incident involving George Zimmerman, both Zimmerman and the man who allegedly shot him -resulting in minor injuries -had guns with them at the time. And Darwin is thinking “Missed a two-fer by THAT much”
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Tom Brady’s agent has accused Ted Wells of running a biased “sting” investigation on “Deflategate”, and Wells has fired back defending himself and the report. I’m wondering how long until one of the fired Patriots’ employees decides to supplement his severance pay with a book deal…..#whenyoureinaholestopdigging?
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Today President Obama’s Tuesday fast-track trade deal was stalled in the Senate….by Democrats. And over at Fox News heads are exploding. #dowehavetopickaside?
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Just got a pre-sale notice for the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular. So is it time for stores to start decorating?
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The U.K. Daily Mail is reporting that the real reason Lindsey Vonn and Tiger Woods split up is that she found out he cheated on her. “I can’t believe Tiger would do that” said nobody.
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A woman gave birth on an AIr Canada flight to Japan, and said she hadn’t even known she was pregnant. Another graduate of “Abstinence only” education?
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Donald Trump has apparently TRADEMARKED the slogan “Make America Great Again” for his Presidential campaign. Is he trying to top “Mission Accomplished?”
Per Duane Kuiper, #SFGiants are hitting 5 for 26 with the bases loaded in 2015. Matt #Duffy with the bases loaded is 3 for 4. #McGehee who?
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The SF Giants have a much maligned farm system. But starting today. Pitcher Chris Heston, catcher Buster Posey, first baseman Brandon Belt, second baseman Joe Panik, shortshop Brandon Crawford, and third baseball Matt Duffy. Every single one of them home-grown talent.
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MLB has tightened security for its game balls after Deflategate. Angels pitcher C.J. Wilson commented “Obviously, there’s not as much that you can do to baseballs. I mean, you can’t change the density of the baseball at any point — unless you dunk them in water. Then they’re going to be 9 ounces, and everyone’s going to blow their arms out.” Hmm. wonder how he knew that?
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Lindsay Lohan, who still has more than half of her 250 mandated community service hours to go from a 2013 reckless driving conviction, apparently missed her first day Tuesday at a Brooklyn preschool. This could really put her in jeopardy with Hollywood’s “37 strikes and you’re out” policy.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: deflategate jokes, George Zimmerman jokes, Harbaugh jokes, Janice Hough, NCAA jokes, SF Giants jokes, Tiger jokes, Tom Brady jokes, Trump jokes
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April 27, 2015
Max Scherzer, who injured his thumb batting, says the NL should add the DH as “no one wants to see pitchers bat.'” And that “NFW” in a loud southern drawl you hear comes from Madison Bumgarner. #SFGiants
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If Bruce Jenner feels he has “always been a woman”, is this a small twisted revenge on all those East German Olympic women’s medal winners?
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Here we go again. In Napa, a 29-year-old high school girl’s soccer coach was arrested after a 16-year-old girl reported he propositioned her and sexted her a picture of his genitals. Leaving aside the illegality and wrongness of this, when will men learn – no one wants to see pictures of your junk.
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The Boston Celtics shuffled their lineup for Game 4 today against the Cleveland Cavaliers. Guess this is the NBA version of re-arranging deck chairs on the Titanic.
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A British man will marry his 92-year-old fiancee on his 103th birthday June 13. Well this is one way to probably avoid the 7-year-itch.
Corinthian Colleges said it will end operations and shut down their campuses, affecting more than 16,000 U.S. students. And of course the SEC schools who never got a chance to schedule them in football.
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Sen. Ted Cruz said yesterday that “there is no room for Christians in today’s Democratic Party.” I think this is one appropriate time for the phrase “Jesus wept.”
“Why there is no satire” headline of the day- “George W. Bush Bashes Obama on Middle East.
After letting the Ottawa Senators climb back from 3-0 to 3-2, the Montreal Canadiens closed out their series by winning today’s game 2-0 behind Carey Price’s 43 saves. So the Canadiens may not be this year’s Stanley Cup champions, but at least they’re not this year’s San Jose Sharks.
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Giants and Rockies rained out in Denver. Well, at least this was one game Casey McGehee knew he wouldn’t hit into a double play.
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Although as much as I might rag on McGehee, he has the same number of home runs (1) and until today, the same slugging percentage of the man he replaced, Pablo Sandoval.
And all aboard the bus to hell driven tonight by T.C
“Billy Joel, age 65, and his pregnant girlfriend who is 34 were harassed in a New York restaurant. People were calling him a pervert and dirty old man. He said it totally ruined their 22nd anniversary.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bruce Jenner jokes, Canadiens jokes, DH jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, sexting jokes, SF Giants jokes, Ted Cruz jokes
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April 14, 2015
The San Antonio Spurs are playing so well down the stretch, the NBA may end up classifying Ensure as a PED.
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Wow. Just wow. That mother who dangled her 2 year-old over a cheetah enclosure, and then accidentally dropped him has been placed on leave from her job. Which is, or rather was – assistant director of a Columbus, Ohio “Kindercare” childcare center. #cantfixstupid #whythereisnosatire #NottheOnion
Will someone please tell the #SFGiants that the sign on the ATT Park grass is not spelled Opening Weak. #OpeningWeek
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The #SFGiants are scoring like folks at an #AARP convention with a Viagra shortage.
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The Chicago Cubs are offering a new “Mac and Cheetos” hot dog For all those fans who have decided maybe it’s not worth living to wait until next year.
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Considering all the injuries this year so far #SFGiants home opener could have been worse. #Madbum could have fallen off the horse.
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Billy Joel, 65, and his 33 year old girlfriend are apparently expecting a baby daughter. Stand by for a change from “Uptown Girl” to “Up-all-night Girl.” “And when she wakes up And makes up her mind…..”
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Some educators in Atlanta are going to prison over illegally inflating test scores for students from struggling schools. Idiots. If only they had just done it for athletes….
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Bus to hell time. Can they transfer Lawrence Phillips to the same prison as Jerry Sandusky?
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Carly Fiorina said in an interview on “Morning Joe” that Hillary Clinton, while an “inspiration to women”, doesn’t have a record of “accomplishments.” I guess Carly figures she knows accomplishment. How many women have gotten their companies to pay them $20 million to leave?
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The top Republican and Democrat on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee said they have reached a bipartisan agreement on legislation that would allow Congress to review a final nuclear deal with Iran. What? Must be a joke. This sounds too rational
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The San Antonio Express-News reports that Joan Cheever, a chef who has been feeding the city’s homeless for the past decade, was cited last night by police with a $2,000 ticket for serving food without a permit. She plans to argue in court that under the 1999 Texas Religious Freedom Restoration Act, she has a right to serve food to the homeless because she considers it a free exercise of her religion.
Okay, where are the defenders of Indiana and Religious Freedom on this one??!!
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If President Obama wants to do something with that “sponsor of terrorism” label he took off Cuba a lot of women would have no problem if he put it on Saudi Arabia.
Jeremy Lin on the Lakers “I do think we’re headed in the right direction.” Well, if the goal is a lottery pick, yes indeed
The makers of “Kind” bars have been warned by the FDA because “the products do not meet the requirements” to say the bars are a “good source of fiber” with “low sodium” and “no trans fat.” Well, as if anyone expected to find wood chips in “cottage” cheese.
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Here we go again. John Boehner today said Obama should re-engage U.S. combat troops in Iraq to fight ISIS. Is the Speaker volunteering to go over and lead them?
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Hint to drivers: When a sign under a stop sign says “Cross traffic does not stop” it refers to the street your street is crossing. All cars. Not a comment on cross i.e. angry drivers #cantfixstupid #nearmiss #didnthavetimetobeawitnesss
From Marc Ragovin: “Upon kicking off his presidential run, Marco Rubio said “Yesterday is over, and we are never going back.” He then unveiled a five minute commercial featuring him and a superimposed Ronald Reagan.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupidid, Billy joel jokes, Boehner jokes, Carly Fiorina jokes, Cubs jokes, Indiana jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Spurs jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 13, 2015
Of course, the way things went, the SF Giants might have had better luck scoring if they were playing polo.
Even though some may think that three World Series rings in five years is getting old, it’s important to remember. The Chicago Cubs won back-to-back World Championships in 1907-08. #SFGiants #carpediem
Tom Brady bounced his opening day pitch at Fenway Park today. But to be fair, the Patriots don’t have a Marshawn Lynch equivalent Brady could have handed the ball to.
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Maybe the #SFGiants are having a hard time batting with all those rings on their fingers?
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Meanwhile, the first Monday night baseball game of the season will feature the Yankees vs the Orioles. Guess those three nationally-televised games against the Red Sox didn’t give the Bronx Bombers enough exposure?
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Barry Bonds has spoken up in support of A-Rod and says he doesn’t know why baseball and the Yankees aren’t celebrating his milestones. Now, I am NOT a fan of Alex Rodriguez, but baseball’s attitude to him is a bit like Dr. Frankenstein complaining about someone building a monster. #chicksdigthelongball
Yeah, I know, “Anything can happen.” But does anyone really care who gets the 8th seed in the NBA Eastern conference?
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Marco Rubio is the latest entrant into the 2015 Presidential race. Two candidates now from Florida. Better make that clown car a convertible.
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An Alaska Airlines flight had to make an emergency landing to rescue an employee who got stuck in in the cargo hold (which was at least pressurized.) The airline has stated this incident was a complete aberration, and not a test to see how it might work in future to transport passengers on their lowest fares.
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So apparently that Alaska Airlines employee who was trapped in the cargo hold fell asleep in there. Asleep?! Really?! United Airlines is now trying to figure out how many “comfortable bed” tickets they can sell in cargo.
Another headline today about 100 people sick on a cruise ship, this time the Celebrity Infinity, which holds over 2,000 passengers plus over 1,000 crew. So 100 out of about 3,000 people. That’s much better odds for avoiding vomiting etc than most people get on say, spring break.
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From Bill Littlejohn, Apparently Wisconsin basketball coach Bo Ryan caused quite a stir with his post-NCAA Tournament “rent-a-player” comment. Now the Oakland A’s are considering suing for trademark infringement.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, airline jokes, Alaska Airlines jokes, Brady jokes, clown car jokes, Janice Hough, madbum jokes, Opening day jokes, Rubio jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 9, 2015
Hard to be believe there will come a time when Tiger Woods retires, and ESPN will have to report who’s actually leading a golf tournament as opposed to how Tiger is doing on the course.
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The seven top Kentucky scorers are all leaving early for the NBA draft. But the WIldcats are still favored to win the NCAA championship in 2016. Seinfeld used to talk about rooting for laundry, heck, this is rooting for a recruiting class.
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President Obama visited the Bob Marley museum in Jamaica and commented that he “had all his albums.” Some in the GOP immediately responded “That’s it, proof that Obama’s a ‘stoner.'” Some in the younger generation responded “what’s an album?”
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We’re almost to the NBA playoffs, which don’t end up with a catchy name like “World Series” or “Super Bowl.” Guess there’s just not enough of a ring to “April-May-June Madness”
The Minnesota Twins have scored 1 run in their first 36 innings. Are they trying to become the official MLB team of Major League Soccer?
#TroyPolamalu has retired. Many #Steelers fans will fly their hair at half mast.
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Well this should make for a fun locker room…. Last year Seahawks DE Michael Bennett called Jimmy Graham “one of the softest players in the NFL.” Now after Graham was traded from New Orleans to Seattle, Bennett said today in a radio interview “I still feel the same way, just because he’s on my team I don’t stop feeling that way.”
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An Icelandair plane enroute to Denver was hit by lightning. It landed 7 1/2 half hours later despite a hole in its nose. The aircraft will now be christened “Keith Richards.”
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Atlanta Hawks forward Thabo Sefolosha apparently fractured his tibia while interfering with police after the 4am stabbing of Indiana Pacers forward Chris Copeland outside “1 Oak.” Hmm, will the Knicks strategy to win next year involve giving opposing players nightclub passes?
From Marc Ragovin “Seen in New York: “Welcome to Madison Square. Where the Rangers and Knicks have combined for one President’s Trophy””
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The Padres’ Ian Kennedy out with an injury while pitching in the third. Shocking, the 2015 SF Giants are capable of breaking a player who isn’t on their own team?
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Hard for SF Giants fans to watch Casey McGehee make 2 errors tonight, AND hit into a double play with runners at 1st and 3rd in the 9th. Although Mcgehee is hitting .294. And Pablo Sandoval is hitting .167. #theoryofrelativity
From T.C. – the groaner of the week. “Cubs fans had to pee into cups as the restrooms at Wrigley Field were out of order on Opening Day. For those that drank more than a couple of beer, they needed to use a relief pitcher.”
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Chris Christie apparently is going to ratchet up his campaigning next week after falling in most polls. One of his NH supporters, Bill Greiner told CNN “John McCain was left for dead in 2007 and 2008, and look what happened. Gov. Christie is very similar to McCain.”
Does this mean the NJ Gov. will get the nomination and then pick a complete whack job for a running mate?
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On a serious note, just wondering, if they can put a camera and computer in a little phone, or a watch, why can’t they put a camera in a gun? Like a police gun. Like all police guns.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Janice Hough, Kentucky jokes, Knicks jokes, marijuana jokes, Masters jokes, NBA jokes, SF Giants jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
March 21, 2015
Biggest surprise for casual fans who usually only watch NBA finals but tune into #Marchmadness: Many white men do play basketball.
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Lots of empty seats at the UAB vs UCLA second round game in Louisville. Guess Iowa State and SMU fans tore up rather than sold their tickets
The SF Chronicle is reporting that the SF Giants, looking at a possible 2015 power drought, want to expand Barry Bonds’ presence with the team. Giants President Larry Baer “we’re trying to do something a little more than just coming down to spring training.” Hmm, like starting in left field?
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Regarding this “party of stupid” thing, have to wonder what the Republicans think they are doing holding up the Loretta Lynch Attorney General nomination. Because until she is confirmed, that job belongs to that GOP “favorite” Eric Holder.
Okay, just guessing a tweet like this has never before been sent by an NFL player. From Baltimore Ravens OL John Urshel: “My paper, A Cascadic Multigrid Algorithm for Computing the Fiedler Vector…, has been published in the Journal of Computational Mathematics.”
And in the SEC they’re thinking, “Big deal, we’ve also had a player or two major in foreign languages.”
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Say it ain’t so. So season six of Downton Abbey will be its last. On the brighter side, at least we don’t have to deal with the horror of watching Lady Mary go through menopause.
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A man was shot at New Orleans Airport yesterday after attacking TSA workers. No word on his name but can’t be a member of last year’s Saints defense – they couldn’t hurt anyone..
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Richard White, the 63 year old Louisiana taxi driver who was shot while assaulting TSA workers at New Orleans Airport, has died. He also apparently was carrying a bag filled with a half-dozen gas-filled Molotov cocktails and a barbecue lighter. Not sure White’s motive, but FOX News’s reaction will no doubt be to criticize Obama for not condemning “radical Islam.”
Gwyneth Paltrow, in an interview with CNN Money this week. “I’m incredibly close to the common woman…. in that I’m a woman, and a mother”. Anyone but me have this evil urge to watch “Sliding Doors” again and have her tragically caught in those closing doors?”
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Steve Nash, 41, is retiring. “So young?” asked Jamie Moyer.
From T.C. “The Canadian Diving Team finished with 5 medals this week at the FINA Diving World Series in Dubai. Montreal Canadiens’ PK Subban, who was fined for his 3rd diving infraction last week by the NHL, was not part of the team in Dubai.”
(For non-Canadians and/or non-hockey fans… substitute Blake Griffin for PK Subban)
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #marchmadness, Downton Abbey jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, NCAA tournament jokes, New Orleans jokes, SEC jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 26, 2014
Mark Whitaker, who wrote the latest biography of Bill Cosby, tweeted an apology for failing to discuss rape allegations in his recent book. Well, of course, because Whitaker now knows he would be selling more books.
Despite Michael Sam’s having been the SEC defensive player of the year in 2013, some questioned whether he really had NFL caliber talent. Which if so brings up another question – Why hasn’t Sam been signed by a team from the NFL South?
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In the “better to remain silent and be thought a fool..” dept, today’s nominee for the win is Adrian Peterson, who tweeted after the Ferguson decision “The GRAND JURY DECIDED NOT TO INDICT ME TOO! But that changed a week LATER! MAYBE,BUT NOT LIKELY N THIS CASE.”‘
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The Milwaukee Brewers new AA team in Mississippi will be known as the Biloxi Shuckers. If they go through a bad patch, nothing can go wrong with THAT name…
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Pablo Sandoval Tuesday on leaving San Francisco. “I need a new challenge.” Well, if Panda wanted a REAL challenge, why didn’t he sign with the Cubs?
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Many Giants fans are taking the high road saying “Well, Pablo Sandoval gave us some good years, we wish him nothing but the best.” Right. Like people do when someone breaks up with them to move on to a different guy or gal. Of course you want them to be happy…..#sarcasm
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After two of players were ejected in the 2013 OSU-Michigan game, Urban Meyer has warned his Buckeyes to behave this year, or he may impose further penalties. Guess the former Florida coach wants players to keep their bad behavior off the field.
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You can’t make this “stuff” up.. CFO Anthony Noto accidentally tweeted what he thought was a private message saying “I still think we should buy them.” And it went out publicly. Ok, this stuff happens. Especially to executives who may not get social media. Except Noto is the CFO of Twitter. ….
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The Seahawks’ Richard Sherman and Doug Baldwin did a little comedy routine for reporters today, which included lampooning the NFL’s sponsorship rules and $100,000 fine to Marshalll Lynch for not talking. Wonder how much Roger Goodell will fine them for the skit?
Washington apparently will start Colt McCoy nstead of RGIII against the Colts this weekend. Uh oh, has anyone checked Redskins owner Dan Snyder for signs of sanity?
Saw a DWTS “spoiler” saying “Winner Revealed on Season 19 Finale: Is It Alfonso Ribeiro, Janel Parrish, or Sadie Robertson?” And thinking “Who, who and who?”
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From T.C. “Redskins owner Dan Snyder in an attempt to gain support for the name debate, sat with Navajo Chief Ben Skelly and his wife at the Phoenix game. Not to be outdone, new Buffalo owner Terry Pegula invited 20 guys named Bill into his private box yesterday.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bill Cosby jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, NFL South jokes, Pablo Sandoval jokes, Panda jokes, SF Giants jokes, Urban Meyer jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
November 13, 2014
The college bowl game formerly known as the “Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl,” now scheduled for Dec. 30 at Levi’s Stadium, has been renamed and will now be the “Foster Farms Bowl.” So how long until it gets named the “Chicken Sh*t Bowl”?
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A tractor-trailer overturned and spilled about 25,000 pounds of frozen boxed turkeys onto I-680 in Northern California today. So forget free range, this year expect to see ads for freeway turkeys.
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One rumor has the Red Sox flying Pablo Sandoval out to Boston for a visit next week. Considering that the Boston weather is expected to have a high in the 30s, the SF Giants might be good with that.
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Tom Brady on Andrew Luck. “He does a lot of things I wish I could do.” Starting with turning back the clock to being 25 again?
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Blake Griffin has been charged with one count of misdemeanor battery for an October incident in a Las Vegas nightclub. Shocking. Mostly that when the police charged the Clippers’ forward, that Griffin didn’t immediately flop.
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KNBR’s Gary Radnich has noticed it too. For those going through SF baseball withdrawal, the San Antonio Spurs are kind of like the Giants. Not particularly flashy, not much attention on the highlight shows, but they play like a team and just keep winning. Although the Spurs don’t have any cool animal nicknames.
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Undefeated Florida State was dropped in the College Football Rankings, in large part because they haven’t had big enough margins of victory. Coach Jimbo Fisher shrugged it off and “I’m hoping to hold the integrity of the game higher than everybody else.” “Integrity of the game!” In college football?. And Fisher said it with a straight face.
Florida State officials apparently have agreed to postpone Jameis Winston’s upcoming student conduct code hearing until Dec.1, because the QB’s attorney told them he hadn’t had “sufficient time to review the evidence.” So on Nov. 30 presume they will ask for one more extension until say, Jan. 13? (The day after the College Football Championship game)
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KOMO-4 TV in Seattle discovered that beer at CenturyLink Field is watered down. Wow. Imagine how loud Seahawks fans would be if they were drinking the regular stuff.
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Marijuana sales actually fell for the first time in September since it became legal in January 2014. People saving up to buy extra for the holidays? Or new college students who didn’t realize it was a good idea to write down the addresses after their first purchase? (“Dude, where’s my pot store?”)
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Ted Cruz’s supporters have started a ‘Stand for Principle’ PAC to support him in 2016. Which means the Texas senator is probably running for President. Great news. For comedy writers.
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On a serious note, the attorney general’s office in the Dominican Republic reported that the Cardinals’ star rookie propect Oscar Taveras’s blood alcohol level was “five times the legal limit” when he crashed his car and died last month. Sadly proving once again that it’s not just the illegal drugs that can cause a problem in professional sports.
A 4.8 earthquake today hit Kansas, Oklahoma and Arkansas. Not sure, but maybe Mother Nature wasn’t very happy with last week’s election results.
What’s wrong with MLB’s TV & marketing focus on a few teams? #CoreyKluber just won the AL #CYYoung award. And many baseball fans are thinking “Who?”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Blake Griffin jokes, college football jokes, FSU jokes, Jameis Winston jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Thanksgiving jokes
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October 30, 2014
So what time do the SF Giants play today? Oh, wait…. never mind. #missingbaseballalready
Amazing how people who complain that the World Series was a game between two Wild Cards and thus a devaluation of the regular season seem to have had no problem with, say, the 2007 Super Bowl Champion NY Giants. Or the 2010 Packers. #NFLcandonowrong
Ok, who had the #NewOrleansSaints, starting 2-4, in 1st place in the AFC South after week 8? #WhoDat
Oops. Jets WR Eric Decker tweeted out “”tell me why you love the @nyjets using #jetsdiehardfan and I’ll send a signed prize to my favorite.” And with the team 1-7 he got a predictable result. Though have to figure a sincere response would have been “when OUR team has them on the schedule.”
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Question, who was the umpire at first base for game seven of the World Series? As my son points out, few people know the answer to that question, and thanks to instant replay, he won’t become as infamous as Don Denkinger.
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After Game 5 of the World Series, the Royals’ Jarrod Dyson said “One good thing for us, we don’t have to worry about Bumgarner no more.” Not exactly.
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Babies in San Jose.
From Alex Kaseberg “In San Francisco’s Castro district last night, men were ripping off their clothes, swilling champagne and dancing in the street. When asked how long they would celebrate the Giants win, they said; ‘What Giants win?”
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Now that the World Series is over, ESPN can get back to the news they really care about, like this headline story today: “A-Rod’s suspension ends. Back in play for Yanks.”
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And then all these ESPN headlines about LeBron James returning to Cleveland. Score of the game? Oh, you mean there’s a game?
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RG III will start for Washington this weekend against the Vikings. Good thing the game will be played in Minnesota. The boos from the stands will be less embarrassing than they would be at Fed Ex Field.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, baseball jokes, bumgarner jokes, ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, SF Giants jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
October 30, 2014
After the SF Giants win, the folks at Kaufmann stadium turned the fountains to orange. And hey, since the Giants are an even year team, happy to root for the KC Royals in 2015.
If poetry is “emotion recollected in tranquility,” then these World Series post game shows are indeed poetry. #SFGiants
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Doesn’t it seem sometimes like Joe #Panik has always been at 2nd for the #SFGiants? #realbaseballplayer
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But breathing plan for Game 7. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Ah screw it, so how long can you hold your breath anyway? #SFGiants #Game7 #WorldSeries
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Chicks dig the small ball #sfgiants #WorldSeries
SF Giants have accomplished a double mission. First, winning the World Series. Second, giving all their fans a free cardiac stress test.
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And yet, win or lose, Giamatti was right about baseball. Nonetheless, Go Giants.
“It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone. ”
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Joe Maddon is the new manager of the Chicago Cubs, reportedly for about a 5 year, $25 million contract. Which might work out to over $8 million a year. #tradition #waituntilnextyear
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Jeb Bush has hit the metaphorical campaign trail, assailing Obama for his Ebola response, saying it “fueled fears that may not be justified.”So what the President really should have done to calm Americans was start shutting down the media? Starting with FOX News.
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Harold Reynolds last night during the World Series telecast called Bud Selig “the greatest (MLB) commissioner of all time.” Hard to imagine but someone did it. Proved they could be worse about baseball than Joe Buck,
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Not alas, the Onion. In Arizona, the Senate Judiciary Committee endorsed a bill that would allow employers to ask employees for proof that they are seeking contraceptives for purposes other than sex. (like acne, or hormone issues) and deny them coverage if they don’t comply. Where’s the bill to ban coverage for Viagra?
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Jerry Jones on whether Tony Romo will play next week. “This is a function of pain tolerance. And Cowboys fans during the Romo years are rolling their eyes and thinking “we know all about pain tolerance.”
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Poor Julius Randle. The Lakers rookie, who broke his leg in the season opener, will probably be out for the year. On a brighter note, next year Randle has a good chance of playing with a #1 draft pick.
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Bill Littlejohn, on Florida football coach Will Muschamp saying he’s adopting a bunker mentality: “Which one, Archie or Edith?”
Categories: baseball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, janice houghgarner jokes, Lakers jokes, madison bumgarner jokes, Royals jokes, SF Giants jokes, World Series jokes
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October 28, 2014
This just in. ESPN experts predict winner of Wednesday’s SF Giants KC Royals game will win the World Series.
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SF Giants game 7 strategy? Wear out KC Royals bats in game 6?
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So ESPN wanted Derek Jeter to matter in the postseason. And who knows, the SF Giants, baseball’s most consistent unkillable cockroaches, may well win tomorrow. But home field advantage for this World Series was probably decided by Wainwright deciding to groove that farewell All-Star pitch….
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Only fun San Francisco fans are having tonight with #WorldSeries so far is thinking how dismal the ratings must be for #FOX at this point in Game 6. .#SFGiants
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Saddest story of this MLB postseason is of course Oscar Tavares. But his death apparently inspired two friends, Juan Perez and Yordano Ventura, to have the games of their lives. #WorldSeries
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Bus to hell time. TMZ is reporting that Jose Canseco blew his middle finger off his right hand while cleaning his handgun at home in Las Vegas. Well, not like he used it for fielding or anything.
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Taking time out from the World Series, send good wishes to Gordie Howe. Mr. Hockey, who at 86 is apparently recovering from a “serious stroke.” He was a dominant player in his sport longer than almost anyone. Yes, including Derek Jeter.-
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First NCAA playoff rankings out. 3 #SEC teams out of 4. Shocking to many. They expected 4 #SEC teams. #Collegefootballplayoff
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If NY & NJ really want to beat #Ebola, forget quarantine. Have folks returning from Africa join the #NYJets. None of them can catch anything.
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Dunkin’ Donuts is introducing a croissant-donut. But the chain maintains it is NOT a “Cronut.” Why? Because their lawyers said so.
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Sarah Palin “Those haters out there, they don’t understand that it invigorates me…. the more they’re pouring on the more I’m going to bug the crap out of them by being out there with a voice, with the message, hopefully running for office in the future, too.” Palin “haters” and comedy writers alike heard the last part and are thinking, “Promise?”
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At a Southern Baptist conference titled “The Gospel, Homosexuality and the Future of Marriage,” some speakers talked about being the voice of a moral minority because gay marriage is a “rejection of God’s law.” Wonder why some of these folks don’t also have conferences against heterosexual adultery and divorce?
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The #NBA season started Tuesday night. The Philadelphia #76ers will be eliminated from playoff contention tomorrow.
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Michael Jordan, majority owner of the Charlotte Hornets, says he is “dreaming” of a seventh NBA ring. Yep, “dreaming” is absolutely the correct word.
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Dwight Howard said today “I didn’t leave L.A. because I was afraid of Kobe Bryant.” More like Dwight was afraid of not making the playoffs.
Meanwhile, Lakers rookie Julius Randle, the team’s #1 pick, broke his right tibia during an opening night loss. Meaning alas Randle will likely be as helpful to this year’s team as Steve Nash.
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RG III might be ready to go back in as Washington’s quarterback for their next game as the team has a bye week coming up. And fans are now thinking, take a little more time to heal your ankle. A year or two to be safe.
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Dolly Parton, on her support of gay rights: “But as far as the Christians, if people want to pass judgment, they’re already sinning. The sin of judging is just as bad as any other sin they might say somebody else is committing. I try to love everybody.” As Dolly has also said, “I know I’m not dumb, and I know I’m not blonde.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: cronut jokes, Ebola jokes, Game 7 jokes, gay marriage jokes, Janice Hough, Jeter jokes, NBA jokes, Royals jokes, SEC jokes, SF Giants jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 26, 2014
SF Giants are undefeated in games in which Mo’Ne Davis throws out the first pitch.
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My Twitter post at 430p today…. Lucky guess? .#Stanford‘s moribund offense woke up today against #oregonstate. Maybe a good omen for #SFGiants offense. #WorldSeries”
So who figured that the SF Giants would outscore both LSU and Ole Miss tonight.
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World Series game four did last four hours exactly. Hope this isn’t an omen for game five.
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USA Today’s Bob Nightengale led his game 4 World Series story about the SF Giants’ win “Those loveable little, pesky cockroaches, you just can’t kill ’em.”
How long until they start selling stuffed cockroaches at A T & T Park.?
The Kansas City Royals had them trapped
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One weird thing at #WorldSeries. The out-of-town scoreboard is blank. #SFGiants
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Need a reason to root for the #SFGiants?. Apparently their being in the World Series upset Kanye West’s plans to take over AT&T park for a private concert as a birthday present for Kim Kardashian.
(as my friend Marty B. said, then it would be T &A ballpark.)
And after a great sports day with Stanford and SF Giants both winning, saw USC lose to Utah 24-21 on a touchdown pass with 8 seconds left. #asgoodasitgets
(although, to be fair. Oregon State alums who live in Kansas City with kids going to USC were not happy today.)
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New York’s LaGuardia Airport was the only one in America to make the top ten in a list of the “World’s Worst Airports”. And LaGuardia came in at 10th. Another way in which we’re losing U.S. exceptionalism?
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Stay classy, Texas. This tweet from Ted Cruz’s Deputy Chief of Staff, Nick Muzin, tweeted Thursday “Before Obamacare there had never been a confirmed case of Ebola in the United States.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: cockroach jokes, Janice Hough, Royals jokes, SF Giants jokes, Texas jokes, World Series jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 