Archive for the ‘baseball jokes’ category
April 17, 2016
Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Wolf signed a bill legalizing medical marijuana. Does being sick of watching the Phillies lose count?
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Charlotte’s loss today to Miami extended their postseason losing streak to 11 games, third longest in NBA history. Almost a shame the Hornets couldn’t have a first round matchup with the Raptors. #somethingsgottogive
Vince Carter had a good game for #Grizzlies. For 2016-7 maybe he’s old enough to sign a free agent contract with the #Spurs?
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Two Syracuse football players are recovering with non life-threatening injuries after they were allegedly stabbed by a former teammate. #ifonlyhehadbeenarmed
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Pablo Sandoval is flying to Alabama for a 2nd opinion on his injured shoulder from Dr. James Andrews. Either that or the trip is for the pulled pork and pecan pie.
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#LukeWalton has apparently turned down head coaching job with #Knicks. Guess he’s holding out for an offer from an #NBA professional team
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McDonald’s is opening a new restaurant in Missouri that will feature “all-you-can-eat” French Fries. So Missouri can now be the “Show Me How Fat We Can Get” state?
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The Treasury has announced Andrew Jackson will be replaced on the $20 bill by an unnamed woman. But Alexander Hamilton is staying on the $10. It’s about time for a woman on our currency. But poor Jackson, had they only written an “Old Hickory” hit Broadway musical….
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While some voters on both sides scream about free trade, a new Associated Press-GfK poll.poll shows that while Americans say they would like to buy things made in the US, 67% of them would buy the exact same thing made overseas if it were less expensive….
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A Nashville mom and her friend are facing charges after they left her 13-month-old daughter in a hot car while auditioning at a strip club. Apparently the friend was supposed to be watching the girl but went inside to watch the audition. The child is okay, and yes, it could have been a horrible story. But wonder how many people who are condemning the mom are both pro-life and against subsidized child care?
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Donald Trump on a possible contested GOP convention: “I hope it doesn’t involve violence. I hope it doesn’t. I’m not suggesting that.”
Why doesn’t Trump just say “It’s a nice little convention you’ve got planned. It would be a shame if something happened to it.
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Some angry voters are threatening to sue over New York’s closed primary, which requires them to have chosen a party affiliation 6 months before the primary. You think if they care enough to sue, they’d have cared enough to get their registration right.
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Let’s see, many who support Donald Trump do so because he’s rich and “successful.” But then some of those same people are against Hillary Clinton because of the money she has made. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, Knicks jokes, NBA playoff jokes, NBA playoffs jokes, New York jokes, Pablo Sandoval jokes, Trump jokes
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April 16, 2016
Most worried #Warriors fans after the first day of the postseason. Those who finally scored playoff tickets, and they’re for game 5 at Oracle.
Since #Raptors are now 0-8 in #NBA playoff openers, wouldn’t it be more efficient & save wear on players just to forfeit game 1 next time?
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If you didn’t recognize #DodgerStadium you’d know the #SFGiants #Dodgers game is in Los Angeles. All those empty seats behind home plate.
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Right about now the #Jazz must be SO disappointed they missed the playoffs and a chance to take on the #Warriors. #NBAPlayoffs #sarcasm
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Nothing is certain but death, taxes and the #Raptors losing in game one of the #NBAPlayoffs
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Hard to believe it was not much more than a year ago that many #SFGiants fans were crushed when #PabloSandoval left to sign with #RedSox
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Lakers head coach Byron Scott said that he “absolutely” expects that he will not be fired for next season. Translation, Los Angeles isn’t sure they can get anyone else to take on their mess.
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Ohio State held their Spring football game today, 100,189 people showed up. Guess there must not be a lot to do in Columbus on a weekend.
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McDonald’s CEO Steve Easterbrook made $7.91 million last year, up from $1.69 million in 2014. But it’s okay, executive compensation, unlike the pay of minimum wage employees, doesn’t affect the price of hamburgers….
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Okay this is just piling on, as if Americans are jealous enough of Canada already: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3543380/Not-just-pretty-face-Justin-Trudeau-stuns-room-reporters-scientists-perfect-answer-quantum-computing-question.html
Snow in Denver has cancelled 70% of flights and also postponed Saturday’s annual “420” marijuana festival. Well, most attendees probably weren’t going to show up until at least Sunday anyway. #Dudewhensmyfestival?
A Muslim woman wearing a hijab was apparently kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight after she asked to change from a middle seat to an aisle because she was uncomfortable sitting between two men for religious reasons. Two responses – 1. Southwest probably over-reacted. 2. Not a bad idea. Especially when you’re a woman in a middle seat the men take the arm rests too.
If Bernie Sanders wants to attack Hillary Clinton for paid speeches that is his right.. But, not as if Bernie has been turning down the big bucks – from Ethics.senate.gov: “Anyone earning a Senate rate of pay at or above $123,175 may not earn more than $27,495 from all combined outside sources, including campaign work.”
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So while we’re all ragging on Hillary Clinton for accepting Wall Street money, and yes, we need campaign finance reform, just wondering, who paid for Bernie Sanders’ private jet to meet the Pope in Rome?
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Ted Cruz had a clean sweep of GOP delegates in Wyoming, all 14 of them. 14? Isn’t that about as many voters as there are in the state?
In Philadelphia, a 4-year-old girl was fatally shot by her 5-year-old brother with their father’s gun. If only the girl had been armed.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, marijuana jokes, McDonalds jokes, NBA jokes, raptors jokes, Warriors jokes
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April 15, 2016
The #Braves have won! Finally. Last week #Atlanta had a couple weeks that went this badly, Sherman was involved.
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After the NY Daily News printed a story that the Mets had sold most of the jerseys from the team’s first game in NY after 9/11, the team issued a statement “We admit that we made a mistake, and have instituted a new process with internal controls to prevent something like this from happening again in the future.”
So was the mistake profiting over the jerseys, or getting caught?
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John Kasich, in response to a woman student at a town hall in St. Lawrence University in NY saying she saying she worries about harassment on campus said “I’d also give you one bit of advice, don’t go to parties where there is a lot of alcohol.”
Can’t imagine how the GOP gets the reputation of being clueless on women’s issues. #andKasichissupposedtobethereasonableone
With all the attacks on Hillary over taking money from Wall Street for speeches, maybe it’s time for her to requote the line “If you can’t drink their whiskey, take their money, screw their women and still vote against him in the morning, you don’t belong in politics.”
Bill would certainly volunteer to help with the “women” part.
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Starting for the 2017-18 season, the NBA announced that companies can buy a 2.5-by-2.5-inch advertising space on game-day jerseys. So that means by about 2020 those jerseys will resemble those worn by NASCAR.
The Minnesota Twins came back and beat the Angels tonight, following upon the Braves’ first win. So ten games into the season, nobody’s perfect.
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AMC says they are scraping a plan to allow texting in theaters after saying they have heard “loud and clear” that it “is a concept our audience does not want.”
D’uh…. even people who text in theaters do not want other people texting in theaters.
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Kim Davis’s lawyer is now apparently helping Kentucky leglislators draft a bill to restrict bathroom access for LGBTs. Hmm, presumably after the Kentucky Derby so everyone doesn’t boycott that too?
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Sarah Palin says “Bill Nye is as much a scientist as I am.” Shocking! Palin acknowledges the concept of scientists?
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Hillary Clinton last night in the debate “It’s easy to diagnose a problem. It’s harder to do something about a problem.” And many Americans on both sides of the aisle are thinking “No, just tell us you’ll fix it, don’t confuse us with facts.”
Jason Whitlock, not joining in the Kobe Bryant lovefest, said that Kobe’s narcissism and selfishness ruined the Lakers. Strikes me that he’s both right and wrong. In his prime, Bryant helped lead Los Angeles to five rings with that narcissism and selfishness. When his skills decreased and his demands, on and off the court, remained the same – well, yes, then, Kobe helped make sure the Lakers became, and stayed, a lousy basketball team.
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T.C. on reports that Kim Jong Un now weighs over 300 pounds. “If this dictator thing doesn’t work out he can try out for the Boston Red Sox.”
Categories: baseball jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Braves jokes, Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, kasich jokes, Kobe jokes, Mets jokes, NBA jokes, texting jokes, Twins jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 12, 2016
Of course it’s only April, but the two Orange & Black teams in #MLB are a combined 14-2. #Orioles #SFGiants
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#BusterPosey might be googling #WallyPipp on his phone about now. #TrevorBrown #SFGiants
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#BruceBochy said before Monday’s #SFGiants #Rockies game he’d like #TrevorBrown to hit a home run in all of his starts. So is #Brown taking him seriously?
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#Dodgers payroll over $253,000,000. Now #MagicJohnson was 1 of greatest ever #NBA players. But did anyone tell him #MLB teams need something called a bullpen?
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Tickets to Kobe Bryant’s last game are going for at least $800. But really, if you just wanted to see Bryant play a meaningless game, for that price you could have probably bought tickets to the Lakers whole home season.
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Headline: “Lindsay Lohan is engaged. ” And most Americans no doubt are thinking “in what?”
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Popular porn site xHamster announced yesterday that when anyone with a North Carolina IP address visits the site, they will be asked if they support the new anti-LGBT law. If they say “yes,” they will be blocked. Now that’s REALLY hitting below the belt.
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John Kasich again last night in an interview said there is “zero” chance he would serve as v.p. “I would be the worst vice president the country ever saw. I’m not a vice president, I’m a president.”
Somewhere Dick Cheney is going “And your point is?”
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Paul Ryan, “Let me be clear: I do not want, nor will I accept the nomination for our party.”
Didn’t he say the same thing about becoming Speaker?
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The NFL has denied Josh Gordon’s petition for reinstatement. Of course, it doesn’t help when you petition AND fail a drug test in the same month.
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Music producer and reality tv star, David Gest, 62, known best to Americans as Liza Minnelli’s ex-husband, was found dead at a London hotel today. He had been preparing to tour with a new show “David Gest Is Not Dead But Alive With Soul.” Guess maybe it wasn’t the best choice of title. #bustohell
Donald Trump is upset about the possibility about losing the GOP nomination despite having the most delegates. “The system, folks, is rigged. It’s a rigged, disgusting, dirty system.”
Now Trump doesn’t really have a problem with a rigged system, he’s just used to being the one doing the rigging.
And btw, who says the Spurs are boring? Though just guessing none of them will get a call anytime soon from #DWTS. https://twitter.com/spurs/status/719925467042582528/photo/1
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, Paul Ryan jokes, SFGiants jokes, Spurs jokes, Trevor Brown jokes, Trump jokes, xhamsterjokes
Comments: 6 Comments
April 11, 2016
The NCAA reportedly approved a 3-year moratorium on new bowl games. What a disappointment for all those 6-6 teams who just missed last year’s postseason.
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That moment when even #ESPN on #BaseballTonight says “It’s an even year, don’t bet against the #SFGiants. #Hellhasfrozenover
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Jordan Spieth is still the favorite at 7-1 to win the U.S. Open in June, at the Oakmont Country Club in Pennsylvania. Assume Oakmont doesn’t have any water hazards?
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Even if you’re not a #Warriors fan have to appreciate that their quest for the record has knocked #KobeBryant farewell tour off #ESPN Wed
Urban Meyer is upset with the new NCAA rule deregulating electronic communication with potential recruits, which means coaches can now send unlimited texts to student-athletes. Translation, Urban Meyer doesn’t know how to text..
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Suppose we shouldn’t be shocked but Mr. “Make America Great” again can’t even make his children register to vote correctly? #cantfixstupid #butcanweelectstupid
Monday was #NationalPetDay. And cats are sniffing “EVERY day is National Cat Day.”
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Warriors announcer Bob Fitzgerald wasn’t very happy with Spurs fans waving thundersticks yesterday, calling them “some jerk off fans trying to screw up the telecast.” Well, if Golden State ends up playing back in San Antonio am sure those fans will go out of their way to be welcoming.
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The White House has asked Congress for $1.9 billion to fight Zika, and the CDC is saying “Everything we look at with this virus seems to be a bit scarier than we initially thought,” and that it has been linked to a “to a broader array of birth defects throughout a longer period of pregnancy…”
And the GOP in Congress is now accusing Obama of trying to “politicize” Zika. Right, because heaven forbid the US try to protect fetuses in a way that costs money
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Donald Trump says that John Brennan’s pledge not to waterboard is “ridiculous.” Right, because who knows more about effective interrogation, Trump or the director of the CIA? And who is Trump planning to appoint to the job – Jack Bauer?
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Joe Biden said in an interview that while both Democratic candidates are “totally qualified”, he would “like to see a woman elected.” Maybe especially because it would be easier for Joe to think Hillary was inevitable than to think he could have started late like Sanders and actually won.
Newly released court documents say that Robert Dear Jr., who confessed to killing three people at a Colorado Planned Parenthood clinic, told police he dreamed he’ll be met in Heaven by aborted fetuses wanting to thank him for saving unborn babies. So where are the GOP “pro-lifers” applauding him right here on Earth?
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Tim Spector, a professor at King’s College, London, said that dieting is less about calories, and more about good bacteria. So cheese, chocolate, nuts, and red wine are all smart choices for those trying to control their weight. Well, that calls for opening a bottle!
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, NCAA jokes, SFGiants jokes, spieth jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes, wine jokes, zika jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 9, 2016
The San Diego Padres have scored 0 runs in 3 games at Petco & 29 runs in 2 games at Coors. Will hitters petition to play 2017 home games in Denver?
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#SFGiants are experimenting with batting the pitcher 8th. #MadBum is making a strong pitch to bat at least 6th.
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Seriously, from ESPN, since 2014, Madison Bumgarner has hit a HR every 8.4 ABs at AT&T Park. Barry Bonds’ career AB/HR at AT&T Park: 8.8.
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So when his arm finally tires, will Madbum move to the AL as a DH?
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Lip readers had a treat watching Kershaw after Madbum took him deep, again. “Are you f*cking sh*tting me?”
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Not that most announcers aren’t homers, but Golden State Warriors TV announcers spent much of the game complaining about foul calls their team wasn’t getting. Then at the end of a 100-99 game when Lance Stephenson was hacked more than once…. crickets.
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Zach Johnson missed the cut at the Masters after a replay showed that his club accidentally touched the water when his ball was partially submerged and he was assessed a 2-shot penalty. And people think the balk rule is arcane.
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The cost of mailing a letter will drops to 47 cents starting April 10. And millennials are going “What’s a letter?”
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It’s been two days since the American Idol final finale. So have we all forgotten the name of the white guy with a guitar who won yet?
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LB Von Miller says if it were up to him, he’d have Johnny Manziel on the Broncos. Hmm, can you get concussions from being on Dancing on the Stars?
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Has Bernie Sanders just forfeited any claim to outsider status? He and his wife were seen attending a performance of “Hamilton.” Uh, even most 1 percenters can’t get those tickets.
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Cruz says he was “double-crossed” by Kasich in Michigan for delegate spots, Kasich’s campaign said the Cruz campaign broke their end of a deal first. Oh this horrible GOP on GOP violence. #ifonlytheywerearmed
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So as some in the GOP like to talk about Bill Clinton’s indiscretions while Hillary is running for president, it’s interesting to note that the Speaker who led the proceedings was having an affair, his replacement quit after news broke of multiple affairs, and then HIS replacement turns out of have molested at least four teenage boys. #Familyvalues
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, madison bumgarner jokes, Masters jokes, SFGiants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 7, 2016
Caught a five hour case of flu today. #Giantsfever. #BeatLA
#Dodgers team ERA for year just went from zero to over three in four innings #SFGiants #SFGiantsOpeningDay
San Diego heads to Coors Field without having scored a run in any of their first three games. Are the Padres trying to be the official MLB team of Coke Zero?
(Frank. W. says, “of course the Padres haven’t scored this season. Padres are supposed to be celibate.)
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Waiting for an atheist to file a “freedom from religion” lawsuit against playing “God Bless America” at baseball games #SFGiantsOpeningDay
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20,000 of Ivanka Trump’s branded scarves are being recalled due to a “burn risk.” But that’s not the interesting part, the Donald’s daughter has her scarves made in China. #onlylittlepeoplepaytariffs?
Wynn Resorts founder Steve Wynn reportedly told investors “Rich people only like being around rich people. Nobody likes being around poor people, especially poor people.” Hmm, is Wynn angling for a position in a possible Trump cabinet?
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Whole Foods is opening “Whole Foods 365” in Los Angeles this May. They say it will be their first “budget-friendly” store. So folks, we have a new nominee for 2016’s top oxymoron.
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In London, footage is circulating of a mysterious large shape apparently swimming in the Thames river, leading some to speculate about the Loch Ness Monster. It would of course, be inappropriate to make a Chris Christie on Spring Break joke.
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A recent poll found that Donald Trump is disliked by 7 out of 10 people. And Ted Cruz is thinking “amateur.”
Ted Cruz is not backing down from his “New York values” comment. Translation, Cruz knows he’ll lose New York and figures the criticism will help him in other states.
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Actually if Cruz really had the cojones to thumb his nose at New Yorkers he’d get photographed eating pizza with a fork.
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So all these Republicans who can’t stand Ted Cruz are supporting him because they hate Donald Trump more. Now, one question if he actually gets elected – how is the GOP going to find enough people to put up with him and serve in a Cruz cabinet?
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So the latest attack on Hillary Clinton is that she needed several swipes to get her Metrocard to work on the NY subway. You mean it’s possible to get it right on the first try?
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So I would take these “religious freedom” types much more seriously if, for example, before they served heterosexual couples they would require to prove they were married, to each other. And refused to bake wedding cakes for any couple who wouldn’t swear they were both virgins.
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Must be nice to be such a special snowflake that you can not only ignore the request on the train to turn cellphones to vibrate but you can keep a phone conversation going for a good 20 to 30 minutes. #sarcasm
#AmericanIdol reminds us on #IdolFinale of one reason the show is ending. #toomanywrongchoices #toomanyforgettablewinners
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cruz jokes, Giants jokes, god bless america jokes, Janice Hough, Padres jokes, SF Giants jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 6, 2016
So in 2016 what’s more likely in California? The #Warriors get to 73 wins? Or the #Padres get to 73 runs?
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#SDPadres are working on a three game scoreless streak to open 2016 season. Are they trying to become official #MLB team of #MLS Major League Soccer.
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Well, darn, the #SFGiants aren’t going to go 162-0. Probably better off not to tire them for the playoffs anyway.
Blue Jays manager John Gibbons complained after MLB’s new slide rule cost Toronto a run in a 5-3 loss to the Rays, “They’re trying to put dresses on us.” Uh, Gibbons, whine all you want. Then go watch “League of their Own” and find a new metaphor. #Theresnocryinginbaseball
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Rockies rookie SS Trevor Story is the first MLB player since 1900 to homer in his first three games. Even more amazing, Story hasn’t played at Coors Field yet.
Open note to @SenSanders & @HillaryClinton: Knock off the negativity. When #GOP is in a circus hole, stand back & watch them dig tent poles.
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Meanwhile, how powerful is #DonaldTrump? He’s managed to make #TedCruz seem like the more palatable GOP alternative.
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At a Texas elementary school, the principal has banned parents from setting foot on campus, meaning they can neither walk their kids to school nor pick them up, unless those parents wait in a long line in their cars. #ifonlytheywerearmed No, wait…. #cantfixstupid
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George Mason, whose law school wanted to honor the late Supreme Court Judge, has now switched its name to Antonin Scalia Law School. This after the internet pointed out the original change -the Antonin Scalia School of Law – was ASSLaw or ASSoL. Think they had it right the first time.
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No injuries were reported when Apple employee shuttle bus caught fire today on a freeway in Northern Calfornia at about 630a this morning. It’s actually a shocking story – there are computer geeks UP at 630a in the morning?
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Your daily dose of “blech”: Ann Coulter is now saying that Donald Trump will protect Americans from “Latin American rape culture.” Not sure which is harder to believe, that women would have affairs with Ted Cruz or that men of any culture would want Ann Coulter.
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Walt Disney World is now offering guests who pay an extra $69 per person ($59 for kids) the chance to enter the Magic Kingdom earlier and avoid some of the longest lines. Great, leaving aside the class divide aspect, now in the summer, we can look forward to even grouchier parents yelling at their hot and even tireder kids about how much money they spent and THEY.SHOULD.BE.HAVING.FUN.DAMMIT
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United Airlines is celebrating their 90th birthday. Curiously enough, that seems to be the same age as some of their planes.
Pfizer Inc, which had planned to avoid U.S. tax rates by merging with Allergan Plc, of Ireland, has scrapped the deal after the Treasury instituted new anti-inversion rules. I blame Obama.
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John Kasich can clinch the GOP nomination if he wins 125% of the remaining primary delegates. Well, math was always a liberal commie pinko concept anyway.
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In San Francisco, ParkingCupid, parking version of Airbnb is offering parking places in garages and driveways for up to $400 a month. At that price are customers allowed to sleep in their cars?
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Apple jokes, blue jays jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, MLB jokes, Padres jokes, primary jokes, scalia jokes, Texas jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 4, 2016
Ah yes, March Madness, when the bracket you actually thought about had UNC to win it all, and you suddenly jump up to 92nd percentile on the bracket where you just picked cats. #Villanova #Wildcats
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But come on, while CBS has the rights, the NCAA men’s championship game tonight was broadcast on… TBS? Sounds like the network is taking college basketball as seriously as the one-and-done players.
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SF Giants’ flight to Milwaukee was delayed over six hours yesterday. Hmm, maybe a little travel stress is better than batting practices for their hitters?
(12-3 win, with back-to-back-to-back home runs)
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Happy #SFGiants Opening Day. It’s partly cloudy about 60 degrees with a high of 68 in SF today, it’s 32 degrees with snow flurries and a high of 40 in Milwaukee. So who drew up this schedule anyway? #baseballshouldnotopenindoors
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Meanwhile, the Yankees-Astros opening game in New York was postponed today due to weather. What a shame. Too bad neither of these teams plays in a warm weather area. Oops, never mind.
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So with all these states talking about religious freedom, how long until some files a lawsuit demanding freedom FROM religion over “God Bless America” being played at so many MLB games?
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Congrats to #LosAngelesRams for winning their 1st pre-season game today against #SDChargers 15-0. Oh wait, never mind. #Dodgers #Padres
Even as a #SFGiants fan I must admit, when you give #Kershaw 15 runs he gives you a pretty good chance to win.
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So both the Indians and Yankees home openers were postponed due to weather. Meaning a lot of fans in Cleveland and New York will be trying to explain how that 24 hour flu is lingering a bit longer.
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The Oakland A’s Sonny Gray has been scratched for his opening night start due to food poisoning, this after he was hospitalized last year with salmonella. The A’s don’t just need a pitching coach, they need a food taster.
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The Raiders have signed Aldon Smith, who is currently serving a 1-year suspension for substance abuse, and has five arrests since he joined the NFL in 2011 – “I think in his heart he’s a good young man” Raiders coach Jack Del Rio.”
Now, wishing Smith the best, but it’s amazing how your chances of being considered “a good young man” go up when you’re a star pass-rusher.
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DE Greg Hardy was convicted of domestic violence in 2014, and pictures showed his ex-girlfriend with multiple bruises, but the case was overturned when the woman stopped cooperating with police. Now, Hardy said in an ESPN interview.”I’ve never put my hand on any women.” Even Bill Cosby is thinking this sounds disingenuous..
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New airlines excuse for the day. JetBlue flight delayed last night from New York to SF….because they put the WRONG FUEL in the plane? So apparently they had to drain it and refuel. Your move, United.
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In the 2016 Airline Quality Rating, Spirit Airlines led U.S. carriers in customer complaints. They might have had more, but given that it’s Spirit they probably charge passengers to complain.
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The Huffington Post is reporting Charles Koch is confident Paul Ryan could be the GOP Presidential nominee if Trump doesn’t get enough delegates. Well, and I am sure the Donald and his supporters will take that gracefully. #passthepopcorn
Electric automaker says they have had delayed deliveries of their Model S and X this quarter because of part shortages caused by “Tesla’s hubris.” Hmm, I thought the hubris was reserved for Tesla owners.
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, March madness jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, March madness jokes, MLB jokes, Opening day jokes, SFGiants jokes, villanova jokes, Voodcate ddoo caat does appr, Yankees jokes
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April 3, 2016
Two of the sweetest words in the English language – “Play Ball!”. #OpeningDay
Trump now says that John Kasich shouldn’t be allowed to run because he can’t win. Well, heck, the Cubs have been allowed to play baseball for the last century.
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Cardinals and Pirates opened up the MLB season today at PNC Park. Where the morning temperature was 33 degrees. Brrr… That’s almost as cold as a night game at Candlestick.
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Enjoyed the #WorldSeries, but anyone but me thinks interleague play on #OpeningDay sucks?
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PNC Park in Pittsburgh will be selling a new all-beef hot dog with Cracker Jack, macaroni and cheese, salted caramel sauce and fried jalapenos, on naan bread. The first ballpark food designed specifically to be sold to people who lose a bet?
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Stephen Schwartz, who composed “Wicked” and other Broadway hits, has banned his shows being produced in North Carolina because of the new anti-LGBT law, and wants others to join him. But really, can you actually put on a Broadway show without the LGBT community?
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Last night soccer star Abby Wambach was arrested for DUI in Oregon. Who says women athletes will never be the equals of men? Sigh.
(But to give Wambach credit, she posted about it on FB today with a full apology and no excuses…. that is not equal to many male athletes.)
Thon Baker, 19, a 7-ft tall basketball star from the Sudan, who graduated high school in Canada, has announced he will enter the NBA draft. What a shame, Baker could be missing some of the best months of his life in college.
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Marijuana advocates had a massive joint smoking rally outside the White House yesterday calling for legalization. Why stop there? Make pot smoking mandatory for Congress. #maybethentheycouldallgetalong
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The Golden State Warriors trailed after the first quarter against the Portland Trail Blazers, but then went on 6-0 run at end of 2nd quarter to lead by 7 at the half. And pulled away to win by 25. Worried Golden State fans were beginning to think team was mortal.
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The D.C. Madam’s lawyer says that her client records are online and could be released in 72 hours. As if this election wasn’t enough fun already?
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Oklahoma lost by 44 yesterday to Villanova. On a brighter note for Buddy Hield, at least he got a little practice in how games might be next year if he is drafted by the Lakers.
Donald Trump now says the current laws on abortion should remain unchanged. Give the Donald credit, most politicians take years to cover every side of an issue, he’s done it in less than a week.
Categories: baseball jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Cubs jokes, interleague jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, Opening day jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 25, 2016
This year the Arizona Diamondbacks will debut a Cheeseburger Dog:. It’s a hot dog made of ground up grilled hamburgers mixed with cheese, green onions and chopped bacon, breaded, deep-fried and then served on a bun with more bacon and “secret sauce.” The sauce ingredients presumably include beta-blockers.
Stanford has hired UAB’s Jerod Haase as their new men’s basketball coach. The school did warn Haase that his players will have distractions now, like class?
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In New Jersey, police said a couple having sex in an SUV were found dead this morning of carbon monoxide poisoning. Now that I suppose is the ultimate Darwin award – taking yourself out of the gene pool WHILE reproducing.
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The National Enquirer is alleging that Ted Cruz had several extra-marital affairs. Shocking. There might be more than one woman who actually wanted to sleep with him?
Ted Cruz is claiming that the National Enquirer story about his alleged affairs is “complete and utter lies,” and “this garbage does not belong in politics.” Right, you should stick to lying about your opponents dropping out of the race.
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On the brighter side for Ted Cruz maybe he can spin this Enquirer story as being the only candidate young enough running for President who people might believe still has sex?
As the #CruzSexScandal unfolds, waiting for #Trump to declare pridefully “I marry MY mistresses.”
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Well, and who would believe the #NationalEnquirer? #CruzSexScandal #JohnEdwards
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So let’s open up the pool. If it’s Trump or Cruz – list your prediction for the first big-name Republican to come out and say “F*ck it, I’m voting for Hillary and we’ll regroup for 2020 to make her a one-term President.”
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Whatever the FBI discovers, time may be on Hillary Clinton’s side with this supposed email scandal. As it may not be long until most people won’t even remember what a Blackberry was.
Several thousand people have apparently signed a petition to allow the carrying of firearms in and around Cleveland’s Quicken Loans Arena, which will host the 2016 Republican National Convention in July.
Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country? As a Democrat I have no problem with their petition. #cullingtheherd
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At SMU, a former sorority member has filed a lawsuit saying the Kappa Kappa Gamma’s required her and others to dance semi-naked in front of incoming freshman, and then had the “house mom” secretly record a tape the chapter then used for blackmail.
So, yes, not all the evils of the world can be put down to testosterone poisoning.
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From Gary Bachman: “The National Enquirer claims Ted Cruz had extramarital affairs with five women. ‘Amateur’ said Bill Clinton.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cruz jokes, Enquirer jokes, New Jersey jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
March 18, 2016
#Duke vs #Yale for a #SweetSixteen berth. Most of America will find this as appealing as a choice between #Trump and #Cruz #MarchMadness
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But really, Yale vs. Duke? Hope the Dunkin’ Donuts Center in Providence sends out a rush order for extra chardonnay.
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North Carolina started 2nd half on a 22-6 run after being basically tied with Florida Gulf Coast at halftime. Did coach Roy Williams remind the Tarheels at halftime that no one may remember who wins in any given year, but being the first #1 seed to lose to a #16 would be forever.
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Nice for the kids playing in early March Madness games today. They got to relax and watch players their dad’s age kicking the crap out of the Trail Blazers. #Spurs
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Sorry, when a #9 beats an #8 you do not get to crow all day about picking an upset in your bracket. #MarchMadness
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Seriously, does #Butler EVER lose in the first round? #MarchMadness
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So I no longer have a perfect bracket, but I did figure out the channel for TruTV. #smallvictories.
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MLB has announced Yasiel Puig will not be disciplined for an November alleged domestic violence incident involving his sister at a Miami nightclub. Is it too soon to start a pool on the date of Puig’s next incident?
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A U.S. college student has been sentenced to 15 years hard labor in North Korea for stealing a propaganda poster of Kim Jong Il from a restricted area at a hotel. So really, is he being sentenced for the theft or for the stupidity?
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Anonymous has decided to release Donald Trump’s personal information. Waiting for the Donald to demand we need to start deporting all hackers. #thiscouldbefun
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Laura Bush, after talking about isolationism and xenophobia then told a reporter “‘Don’t ask’ if I’ll vote for Trump.” Hmm, maybe SHE’s the smart one in the family.
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As if you needed more reason not to go to Carl’s Jr., whose founder was staunchy anti-choice and anti-gay, the CEO has he wants to open a completely automated restaurant with no human employees. Well, makes sense, most actual humans don’t want to eat there either.
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Chip Kelly on Colin Kaepernick “If he’s here on April 4 we’re going to coach the heck out of him, and he’s going to work his (tail) off.”
Sounds like Kelly is behind Kap 1,000%. #ifyougetthisreferenceyoumightbeold
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Sarah Palin said her husband is still in intensive care but she is “so thankful for today’s medical technology including 3-D X-rays, temporary pain blocks and epidurals. I’m voting for their continued use…” But of course Palin can’t wait to get back on the road to campaign against Obamacare.
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Many in the GOP love to quote “the Biden rule” about approving a Supreme Court Judge. But one, Biden was talking about a judge deliberately retiring to allow a president to pick another younger justice with the same views, and two, this was in 1992, and Biden said “before the political season is underway.” As if in 2016 the “political season’ ever stops.
Marco Rubio says he’s not interested in running for V.P. in 2016. Translation, maybe he can’t stand Trump or Cruz any more than many of us.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, March madness jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, March madness jokes, NCAA jokes, tournament jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
March 9, 2016
This week is the World Clown Convention in Orlando. And next week is the Florida primary. Coincidence?
Alec Baldwin, 57, has announced he and his wife are expecting a baby boy this fall, meaning they will have three children age 3 three and under. And well, if any dad can teach his kids how to throw a tantrum….
Social media is apparently at odds as to whether Bernie Sanders’ suit tonight was brown or blue. But presumably the confusion is absolutely Wall Street’s fault.
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Pollsters in Michigan may be out of work after their miserable showing in the Democratic primary. On the other hand, many of them have been offered jobs running the numbers for Trump’s tax plan.
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Apparently with Brock Osweiler going to the Texans, the Broncos are interested in Colin Kaepernick. Hmm, maybe Peyton Manning shouldn’t get too comfortable in retirement.
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A pro-gun 31-year-old Florida mother was arguing on Facebook Monday saying “Even my 4 year old gets jacked up to target shoot with the .22” Tuesday mom was in stable condition in the the hospital after the kid found the loaded gun in her car and shot mom while she was driving. Is it fair to hope they don’t discharge her in time to vote in Tuesday’s primary?
#howdoyoustopagoodchildwithagun?
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In central Florida, a second grade substitute teacher was arrested for being drunk in class. The principal first became suspicious because she didn’t know the day of the week. But really, in Florida, isn’t the day of the week a fourth or fifth grade lesson?
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If #CarlyFiorina really wanted to help #TedCruz she’d sign up in California to help run #Trump campaign.
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Here’s a”cheer up it could be worse” item for passengers who feel squeezed on United Airlines 777 planes in coach. The airline is planning to change their domestic 777’s from 9-across seating, to 10-across seating. So yes, it could, and will be worse.
At Paris-CDG Airport a woman was arrested after she apparently had sneaked a child onto a flight from Istanbul in a carry-on bag. And a whole lot of airlines got a new idea for a new really no-frills fare. #carryonseating
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Interesting note, Michigan has open primaries. So wonder which number was higher – Republicans voting for Bernie to cause trouble for the Democrats, or Dems voting for Trump to try to screw the GOP?
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At least Marco Rubio accomplished something with his personal insults against Trump – “My kids were embarrassed by it.” That’s impressive. Two of his children aren’t even teenagers yet.
Under the guise of protecting women, Florida just passed a massively restrictive bill to limit abortion, which requires providers to meet very strict medical standards, even when the “abortion” is morning-after pills. But if we really want Florida women to rise up in anger, maybe someone should demand similar restrictions also apply to clinics doing, for starters, liposuction and botox…..
And we thought #PAC12 football got hosed with TV: :#Pac12Hoops tournament has 1st 3 days with games at 1145pm EST & finals at 1015p Saturday.
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From Marc Ragovin “I’m not saying the NY Knicks are on their last legs, but Phil Jackson just said they are throwing all of their stock in Florida next Tuesday.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: debate jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, primary jokes, Rubio jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 3, 2016
Peyton Manning, in a speech last night at the Florida Forum “Many of you have probably heard that I have a significant announcement to make, so I thought I’d go ahead and make it with all of you here tonight. Papa John’s is offering 50 percent off tonight through Friday.”
Someday Manning may have the only funeral where they hand out pizza coupons.
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South Africa’s highest court has dismissed Oscar Pistorius’s appeal against his murder conviction, so he could be facing a minimum 15-year jail sentence. “I feel so sorry for him” said nobody.
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Anyone who thought the GOP campaign couldn’t go any lower? I think this CNN headline might mean we just hit bottom.”Donald Trump defends size of his penis.”
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John Kasich isn’t someone I would vote for, but I still think he’s a capable human being. Watching him on the margins of the GOP debate recalls an anecdote about Adlai Stevenson in the 1956 presidential campaign: A woman called out “Senator, you have the vote of every thinking person!” Stevenson called back “That’s not enough, madam, we need a majority!”
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So if the GOP is really serious about stopping Trump, it should be noted that in Alaska the Donald got Sarah Palin’s endorsement. And the winner was Ted Cruz. #coincidence?
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Now Mitt Romney apparently is focused mostly on keeping Trump from having 1,237 delegates, the number he needs to secure the nomination, so that the GOP can block the Donald at the convention.
Well, this ought to do wonders for convincing potential Trump voters that the establishment isn’t rigged against them..
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Mitt Romney just attacked Donald Trump for dishonesty and pointed to Trump’s “greed,” “showing off”, and “misogyny,” Hey wait, aren’t those real GOP values?
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Mitt Romney called Donald Trump a “phony” and a “fraud” who would hand the election to the Dems in November. So which Mitt was talking? The moderate governor of Mass., or the “severe conservative” who ran in 2012?
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An Australian writer, Helen Garner, got what she thought was a spam email with “good news” and saying somewhat at Yale needed her phone number. It turned out to be real; she had won a $150,000 writing prize.
And a whole lot of spammers just got a new idea.
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Scott Kelly grew two inches while he was in space. And wonder how many men are telling women, “Well, I used to be an astronaut.”
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Jim Harbaugh and Tennessee coach Butch Jones are now in a Twitter battle, where Jones went after Michigan for practicing in Florida, and Harbaugh told him to “focus on his own program.”
So how can we get a game between the Wolverines and Volunteers? #ratings #whatsyourdeal?
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LeBron James is getting some criticism for working out with Dwayne Wade during a couple off-days, especially as the Heat also are probably a playoff team. But really, who expects Miami to be around long enough in the postseason for it to matter?
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Jeb Bush is trying to make a difference and redeem his status within the GOP. So if he’s really serious can Jeb endorse Trump?
Has someone told the #Thunder that hockey has three periods, basketball has four quarters? #Warriors #NBA
Categories: baseball jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cruz jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, Harbaugh jokes, Janice Hough, Mitt jokes, Romney jokes, Rubio jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 2, 2016
Since no one else seems to be able to stop the Warriors, Sports Illustrated will take a shot at it by putting Golden State on the cover.
Miley Cyrus called Donald Trump a ‘nightmare” and says she may move out of the country if he gets elected. Uh oh. Let’s hope Justin Bieber or the Kardashians don’t get the same idea or Trump could become unstoppable.
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Donald Trump’s tweet, after Nikki Haley endorsed Marco Rubio – “The people of South Carolina are embarrassed by Nikki Haley,” Haley’s response “Bless your heart.”
For the uninitiated, “Bless your heart,” is Southern for “f*ck you.”
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Sports Authority has filed for bankruptcy. So will the Denver Broncos now play in Chapter 11 Stadium?
(my friend Rick D. suggests ‘Secured Creditors Field.”)
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As we approach March Madness, Stanford’s men’s basketball team has been doing better of late. Are they poised to defend their NIT title?
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Donald Trump started with stupid and childish insults about Marco Rubio, who fired back on the same level, but it’s just Rubio who seems to be taking a it in the polls. George Bernard Shaw was right – “I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.”
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Ben Carson says he will skip the next GOP debate. Shocking people who didn’t even realize he was in the last one.
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Ben Carson now admits he has “no path” to the Republican nomination, but won’t formally quit the Presidential race. “Attaboy” said Brett Favre.
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So when can we tune in to hear #SteveHarvey talk about #MarcoRubio‘s great #SuperTuesday victories?
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#PaulRyan says “absolutely no interest” in becoming #GOP nominee at a brokered convention. But he had no interest in being Speaker either.
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Mitt Romney says he will speak Thursday “on the state of the Presidential Race.” Well, and if anyone should be an expert on how the GOP establishment can blow an election campaign….
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Hard to believe now but some once thought the most politically damaging bromance involving Chris Christie was his 2012 embrace of Barack Obama.
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In South Carolina, a woman who had taught for 13 years had her phone swiped by a 16-year-old-student, who found a nude Valentine’s Day picture she had taken for her husband, The kid then shared the photo with social media and texts. And the TEACHER was offered the choice to resign or go through a dismissal process. Hmm, maybe it is time for teachers to be armed
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The Oklahoma City Thunder blew a 17 pt lead against the Clippers in the 4th quarter. Last time fans in Los Angeles saw such a fast late meltdown, the Dodgers bullpen was involved.
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A Washington man who’d been taking selfies all day with his gun accidentally finally ended up fatally shooting himself. Your move, Florida. #cantfixstupidbutyoucanburyit
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Curt Schilling just said that Hillary Clinton should be “buried under a jail somewhere” over her emails on private servers. Right, wonder what he would have said had Clinton been sued by a state for fraud over a $75 million business loan guarantee that ended up costing said state almost $100 million….
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Groaner of the day from Marc Ragovin “The Mets’ Noah Syndergaard and Yoenis Cespedes rode around the team’s training complex the other day on two horses from Cespedes’ s ranch. Proving that these two have come a long way from their days in the Pony League.”
Categories: baseball jokes, debate jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Carson jokes, Curt Schilling jokes, Janice Hough, nikki haley, Trump jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
February 27, 2016
The NFL is apparently looking into shortening the preseason to three games. Well, that would only be about two games too long.
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The University of Tennessee has offered football scholarships to 20 students from IMG Academy, a Florida boarding school. So what does this academy do to have their athletes so prepared for college – offer all fake classes?
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The ACC says it will not suspend Duke star guard Grayson Allen for tripping an FSU player yesterday, the second time Allen was seen apparently deliberately tipping an opponent. No reason given but it should be obvious – he’s from Duke.
A 20 year old woman in England has been hospitalized with Toxic Shock Syndrome after forgetting to remove a tampon for nine days. Okay, sounds horrible, but that’s not Toxic Shock Syndrome, that’s Toxic Stupid Syndrome.
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#DonaldTrump and #ChrisChristie together – Talk about a bully pulpit.
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If it’s a Trump-Christie ticket on the GOP side, will our proposed new U.S. slogan be “carry a big stick and shout at the top of your lungs.
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Chris Christie is certainly Machiavellian enough…. any chance he endorsed #Trump in hopes of a cabinet position offer from Hillary?
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Chris Christie “There is no better fighter than Donald Trump. So did the N.J. Governor think he was endorsing Trump for the Presidency of the WBC?
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One of Donald Trump’s latest tweets “Wow. Every poll said I won the debate last night. Great honer.” Wonder if the Donald’s spell checker is from Oaklahoma?
(my friend Christopher Green says, well, the B and the H are close together on the keyboard, maybe his hand slipped.)
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This quote from Lindsey Graham has gone viral recently. “If you kill Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody could convict you.” Hmm, maybe that’s who Trump was talking about shooting on Fifth Avenue.
#LindseyGraham says the #GOP has gone “batshit” crazy. Prompting calls for an apology. From bats.
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Tax experts say it’s unlikely that Donald Trump has really been audited personally 12 years in a row, but that he’s likely referring to himself and the companies he owns or owns part of. So I get it, when it comes to audits, Trump and his companies are the same thing. When it’s bankruptcies…..
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Bernie Sanders may not do big fancy fundraisers, but his campaign sends more emails than a flock of Nigerian princes. At least two-three a day… and I never signed up to support him.
Well, just in case you had a bright idea to beat traffic to Chavez Ravine: this tweet from Andy McCullough at the LA TImes “The Dodgers have told Yasiel Puig he can not, theoretically, fly a helicopter to Dodger Stadium. Federal law prohibits it, the FAA says.”
Guess we need to standby for another year of Puigy being Puigy.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Christ Christie jokes, debate jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, primary jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
February 25, 2016
Major League Baseball has changed the rules this year to say runners must make a “bona fide” slide at second base. Chase Utley’s response – “It will definitely help keep guys healthy for sure.” Well, if Utley starts obeying the rule it will certainly keep opposing pitchers from throwing at his head….
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#MLB will limit mound visits this year to 30 seconds. Well how will players be able to decide on good wedding gifts? #Candlesticks
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Dexter Fowler, who turned down a 1-year $15.8 million qualifying offer with the Cubs, just ended up signing to return to Chicago for $8 million. And then I presume Fowler fired his agent.
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ESPN has named Albert Pujols’ contract with the Angels as the worst in MLB for 2016. Hmm, is this a challenge for Pablo Sandoval?
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Supermodel Chrissy Teigen published a cookbook (what, super models eat?) that included a picture of her dog wearing a collar with Teigen’s personal cellphone number on it. So Chrissy had to change her number.
Well, that ought to do wonders to dispel the image of dumb blondes.
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Spelling, another commie-pinko liberal concept: 
One good thing about tonight’s #GOPDebate, easy to listen from the kitchen while cooking dinner without turning up the sound. #nonstopshouting
The latest GOP debate knocked the latest mass shootings, in Kansas, right out of the top headline. Once again, just imagine the ratings these debates would get #ifonlytheywerearmed
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Carnival Cruise Lines is now selling a prepaid drink package that includes wine and spirits up to $50 per serving. With all due respect, if you drink stuff that is that high-end, just guessing you won’t be on Carnival.
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Emily Maynard won “the Bachelor,” and then after breaking up with the guy, became “the Bachelorette” got engaged again and broke up with him too. Now married to someone she didn’t meet on TV, Maynard has written a book “I said Yes”, because she thinks God “gave me the platform to help grow his kingdom.”
And God is thinking “What, it’s not enough that I’m getting blamed for Ted Cruz….”
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Former Mexico President Vincente Fox on Trump’s plans: “I declare, I’m not going to pay for that f—–g wall.” Well, if the Donald is elected, how long before Canadian PM Justin Trudeau decides they’ll pay for a wall to keep Americans out?
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In response to protests from anti-abortion activists Lands’ End has pulled an interview with Gloria Steinem from their website – the feature wasn’t about abortion, but was rather part of a series on “individuals who have made a difference in both their respective industries and the world at large.”
Well, there’s one company to take permanently off my shopping list.
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Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachelor jokes, baseball jokes, Cruz jokes, Cubs jokes, GOP debate jokes, Janice Hough, lands end jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
February 25, 2016
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New Cleveland coach Hue Jackson says the Browns are “going to take a stand’ with Johnny Manziel. Right. Of course their previous stands have worked about as well as Custer’s last one.
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President Obama has nominated Carla Hayden as the Librarian of Congress. The GOP would announce plans for an immediate filibuster once they get over the shock of finding Congress HAS a library.
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Kanye West is now threatening to boycott next years Grammy Awards. All together now – “Promise???!!!”
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Donald Trump, “I love the poorly educated.” Or as he also refers to them “My base.”
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Marco Rubio today ” You don’t win the nomination by how many states you win.” Clearly another Republican who thinks math is one of those commie pinko liberal concepts.
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Marco Rubio keeps declaring victory with these second place finishes. In related news, the Minnesota Vikings are going to put up Super Bowl banners.
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Responding to social media rumors of a setback in his recovery, Tiger Woods says he is “progressing nicely.” Isn’t that what Jeb Bush said last week about his campaign?
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Rumors have it that Obama is considering Nevada’s GOP governor Brian Sandoval to succeed Antonin Scalia on the Supreme Court. If true, a reminder that whatever you think of this President, you don’t want to play chess with him.
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Got to love the fact that the man leading for the Presidential “family values” party has had numerous affairs and three wives. #Trump
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Two British members of parliament have sent a letter to the NFL as they are upset about the Redskins name, and saying it directly contravenes the values that many in Britain have worked so hard to instill.” They ask “at a minimum, send a different team to our country to represent the sport, one that does not promote a racial slur.”
So are the MPs really taking a high road here? Or do they want the NFL not to send over another sucky football team?
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It took “about $100,000” in legal fees, but Bristol Palin’s first baby daddy Levi Johnston finally won shared custody of their son Tripp. Because of course all children are better off with a mommy and daddy unless you don’t want to see the guy again. #familyvaluesmyass
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As of today British Airways will no longer accept bookings for unaccompanied minors, children under 12. Guess they got tired of dealing with badly behaved kids. Now if they can just figure out a way not to allow bookings for badly behaved adults
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Really, Facebook? With all the complications in the world these days you have to change the “like” buttons without warning? Life is so confusing.
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Wow. The latest out of the University of Tennessee is that football coach Butch Jones told WR Drae Bowles, who later transferred, that he was a “traitor” who “betrayed the team” for helping a woman who said she had been sexually assaulted by teammates.
#MamadontletyourbabiesgrowuptobeVolunteers
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And for those who commented on me doing this every day. Blame Scott Ostler. A SF Chronicle columnist and friend, he kept encouraging me to do this. And when I said I couldn’t come up with jokes every day, he said, “nah, you’re funny, just give yourself a deadline and you’ll come up with stuff.” I curse him under my breath regularly. But he was right about the self-imposed deadlines. And on good days, some of the “stuff ” is actually funny. 🙂
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, kanye jokes, Obama jokes, Rubio jokes, Supreme Court jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
February 24, 2016
Phrase we didn’t expect to hear from anyone six months ago: Marco #Rubio saying “I’m the only candidate who can beat Donald #Trump.
Now Trump is vowing to put “bad dudes” in Guantanamo Bay. What about making America great again? Shouldn’t that mean he U.S. has the greatest prisons?
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Marco Rubio says there’s no national security rationale for closing Gitmo As if there was ever a real national security rationale for an American prison in Cuba?
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Donald Trump tonight on Ted Cruz “”There’s something wrong with this guy.” So maybe that furry thing that lives on Trump’s head is somehow related to that blind squirrel that finds nuts?
Johnny Manziel is back on Twitter, Retweeting advice he got from Charlie Sheen?! Ah, good to see Manziel is looking for serious role models.
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New York City has been hit by a rash of knife attacks lately, fortunately none of them fatal. If only the slashers were armed?
Mitch McConnell, on the Senate’s plan to ignore President Obama’s choice for the Supreme Court, no matter who he or she is: “The Senate will appropriately revisit the matter after the American people finish making in November the decision they’ve already started making today.”
Uh, as far as starting to make decisions, you think at least a dozen politicians haven’t started looking into office space in Iowa for 2020?
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Dr. Ben Carson now on President Obama. “He was, you know, raised white….So, for him to, you know, claim that, you know, he identifies with the experience of black Americans, I think, is a bit of a stretch.”
Sounds like someone’s been hanging around on a podium with Donald Trump too long.
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Getting at least a few emails a day from various liberal-Democratic groups urging me to sign a petition telling the Senate to vote on President Obama’s Supreme Court nominee. Now, I absolutely want a vote. But anybody really believe GOP senators give a rat’s ass about what Dems think?
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Jeopardy says they are no longer accepting Canadian contestants, citing Canada’s privacy regulations. Hmm, or maybe looking at our Presidential primary so far, the show is afraid Canadians will make Americans look even dumber.
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A Manhattan lawyer accused of raping a woman in his office says he’s innocent because he has “erectile dysfunction” and had not taken a Viagra on the night in question. I think I almost like “affluenza” better.
The oldest sorority on the University of Michigan campus, Kappa Alpha Theta, has been disbanded for “serious violations,” The chapter had already been suspended for hazing and underage drinking. Well, suppose it’s good to know women can be the equals of men, even if it’s getting a #cantfixstupid
The Redskins have confirmed that RGIII will not return to Washington next season. Wonder if the Browns are interested. At worse RGIII could be disappointing without getting arrested.
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#Facepalm for the day. Travel agency client wants cross country trip next week, so I offer alternatives. He wants a different return, with a flight number that doesn’t exist. Try to explain that. Her response “we didn’t see seats either but we thought you might have better access.”
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If you’ve got this far,. I started this blog in 2007. By WordPress estimates one of you today is my 500,000th reader. So thanks, and hope you didn’t get sent to this site by accident.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: guantanamo jokes, Janice Hough, nevada jokes, Rubio jokes, sorority jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 17 Comments
February 23, 2016
Another sign of the apocalypse: The Chicago Cubs are 4-1 favorites to win the World Series this year.
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Many SF Giants fans were broken-hearted when Pablo Sandoval left for Boston. As the pictures emerge of a even larger Panda at spring training for the Red Sox, just imagine how upset those fans would be if he’d signed that $90 million offered contract.
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NASA has released an audio recording of Apollo 10 astronauts talking about “outer space type music” from the far side of the moon. Are they sure it wasn’t Pink Floyd?
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Starbucks is changing their rewards program to give customers freebies based on dollars spent not number of visits. Which in most cases means double the visits for a freebie. So the coffee chain wants to be as beloved as the airlines?
Jean Boyd, the retired Texas judge who sentenced ‘affluenza’ teen Ethan Couch to probation in the first place, for his DUI crash that killed four people, says she doesn’t regret the sentence, and ‘don’t have all the facts’ simply don’t understand the logic behind her decision. Shocking. There was “logic” behind her decision? #affluenzaiscatching?
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Apparently a lot of GOP donors are switching to Marco Rubio. So they think he can out debate Hillary Clinton? Rubio couldn’t even out debate Chris Christie.
Donald Trump “I hear the Rickets family, who own the Chicago Cubs, are secretly spending $$$s against me. They better be careful, they have a lot to hide!” Almost expect to hear him say next “before someone drops a house on you too?”
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So Ted Cruz has apparently asked his national spokesman Rick Tyler to step down, after the latest dirty tricks allegation, this time that the Cruz campaign deliberately posted a fake FB story about Rubio. Well, no worries, am sure it will take about 10 minutes for Tyler to be offered a job with Donald Trump.
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Bob Dole has now endorsed Marco Rubio for President. Did Dole say Rubio is the best young candidate he has met since Abe Lincoln?
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Horrible senseless killings in Kalamazoo. But since the San Bernardino killings basically meant all the GOP candidates wanted tougher regulations against immigrants, can expect the same candidates to call for government to impose tougher regulations against Uber drivers?
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So apparently Barbara Bush was the one who got Jeb to drop out, to help preserve the family’s reputation. Shame Jeb didn’t listen to Mom before, when she said there had been “enough Bushes in the White House.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Janice Hough, Rubio jokes, spring training jokes, Starbucks jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 