Posted tagged ‘Janice Hough’
June 4, 2015
So if it’s a pack of wolves, a murder of crows, what do you call all these wealthy people running for President in 2016? I’m thinking “an embarrassment of riches.”
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Okay, giving the Duggars every benefit of the doubt and then some…. As Jim Bob excuses his son by saying it was a (14-15 year old) “child preying on a child.” And “there were a couple of instances where he touched them under their clothes, but it was like a few seconds.” Just trying to imagine their reaction if this “child” was a boy dating one of their “side-hug” only daughters.
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A lot of conservatives are having problems with this whole Caitlyn Jenner thing. On one hand, they have issues with the idea of transgender people. On the other hand, the fact that Caitlyn will make more $$$ than Bruce ever did is ammunition for their belief that we don’t need laws requiring equal pay for women.
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Sarah Palin has weighed in and blamed the Duggar family uproar on the “liberal media.” So congrats to all those who had June 4 in the pool.
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The SF Giants went back to the White House Thursday to meet the President. Their first visit was in 2011. Wonder after that first meeting if the Giants or Obama were more surprised that the other was back there in 2015.
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Apparently Lincecum missed the SF Giants’ White House visit today because he had gone ahead to Philadelphia to get ready to face the Phillies tomorrow. What a shame, Timmy was the one Giant who could have done some serious lobbying with Obama for marijuana legalization. #letTimmysmoke
President Obama today as the SF Giants visited the White House for the third time in five years, “I mean, the truth is, it seems like if they get in, they’ll probably win it.” Clearly the same mantra dozens of candidates are using for the 2016 Presidential election.
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At this point wouldn’t it be simpler and faster for all Republicans who AREN’T running for President to announce it?
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Airline delay excuse of the day. On United a client reports lead flight attendant sliced his finger, had to get stitches so they had to get another attendant. Uh, wasn’t one of the points of TSA to take care of all the sharp objects?
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Rick Perry is running for President again. And he’s smarter this time, because he has glasses. No doubt he’ll tell us three, or at least two reasons why….
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John Bowlen, son of Denver Broncos owner Pat Bowlen, was arrested last night on domestic violence charges, following on John Elway’s son Jack’s arrest for domestic violence last year. Sounds like these guys are trying a little too hard to act like they fit in with NFL players.
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The NCAA has charged UNC with five major violations connected to the school’s long-running academic fraud scandal. Now let’s see how they come up with “severe” punishments that don’t keep the men’s basketball team out of March Madness.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #CaitlynJenner jokes, 2016 Presidental election jokes, Duggars jokes, election jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, primary jokes, Rick Perry jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 3, 2015
The Duggars’ Arkansas pastor said that Caitlyn Jenner’s sex change is an example of the “moral unraveling” of America, but Josh Duggar’s child molestation can be “forgiven” by God. And that ladies and gentleman, tells you all you need to know about why Jimmy Carter left the Southern Baptists.
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Jessa Duggar, 22, is defending her brother “‘I do want to speak up in his defense against people who are calling him a child molester or a pedophile or a rapist, some people are saying. I’m like that is so overboard and a lie really, I mean people get mad at me for saying that but I can say this because I was one of the victims.”
And some people think being raised by a loving gay couple results in a child growing up with a warped perspective.
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Taco Bell will start serving alcohol for the first time in the U.S. at one of their Chicago locations. Wouldn’t it be a more symbiotic relationship if they started selling marijuana?
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Lincoln Chafee, in announcing he has joined the 2016 Presidential Race. “I enjoy challenges.” Even Cubs fans are thinking “What is that man smoking?”
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#SFGiants have lost five games in a row in advance of today’s #WhiteHouse visit. #IBlameObama
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Oops, a Pentagon official has admitted that at least four batches of anthrax samples shipped from a military lab to labs in 12 states, plus DC and three countries, mistakenly contained live spores. They are trying to figure out why. Once again, showing that for all the worries about terrorism, we have more to fear from good old-fashioned stupidity.
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You know there MIGHT be too long a layoff before the NBA finals for the media when a headline today talks about Lebron James saying he loves “Pitch Perfect 2” and that he thinks “Fat Amy” is awesome. #SuperBowlmediaweekthesequel
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No Darwin Award because he was only arrested and not even injured. But he gave it 100% effort. A man who parked his car across a state road in Pennsylvania and set up a fake DUI checkpoint at 4am Saturday, complete with flares, allegedly was drunk himself. #cantfixstupid
Tampa Bay Lightning management said that anyone buying premium seats near the rink for the opening game of the Stanley Cup Final MUST wear team or neutral colors. And a lot of rich people in Florida were going “So what are our colors?”
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Dick Cheney recently showed a WSJ reporter the cover of his truck trailer hitch, which features a picture of Darth Vader. Adding “I’m rather proud of that.” “I’m shocked,” said absolutely nobody.
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You think you’re having a bad day at work. You could have worked for Southwest at the airport Wed. A fare sale and high traffic crashed the website. So ALL computers were down for hours with no scheduled up time. In an electronic ticket age. #wannagetaway
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Meanwhile, Delta is testing “Early Valet” carry-on service., where airline employees can take passengers’ bags at the gate and put them above their assigned seats. So how long until they charge for guaranteed overhead bin space?
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American Airlines retirees are complaining that after merging with US AIrways, retired employees now get a standby priority below current employees. One woman, who retired in 1995, angrily told a reporter that some retirees are even buying tickets on other airlines. And this is supposed to upset American how?
United Airlines temporarily grounded ALL flights this morning for 30 minutes this morning over “automation issues.” Flights have resumed and to ensure it doesn’t happen again the airline will no doubt soon announce a computer maintenance fee.
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From Marc Ragovin; “A Fargo, North Dakota man has been convicted of driving a zamboni while intoxicated at a girls hockey game in January and sentenced to nine days in jail. Witnesses called the police when he was observed repeatedly driving straight.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #CaitlynJenner jokes, 2016 Presidental election jokes, Darwin Award jokes, Duggar jokes, Duggars jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, Stanley Cup jokes
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June 2, 2015
The Stanley Cup Finals between the Blackhawks and the Lightning start Wednesday night in Tampa. Scalpers should have a field day. If for no other reason than when it’s 90 degrees and 90 percent humidity, ANY excuse to sit inside with ice should be a hot ticket.
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Not saying Florida isn’t exactly a hockey mecca. But when random Floridians were asked if they were watching the Lightning, most of them responded “I didn’t even hear the thunder.”
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Sepp Blatter is retiring as President of FIFA, Translation, one of the officials arrested has made an immunity plea deal.
June 5 is National Doughnut Day, so Dunkin’ Donuts and Krispy Kreme will give away freebies on Friday. Wonder how much of the cost will be underwritten by Weight Watchers?
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As this FIFA mess expands, you’d think that if they really wanted to do corruption on a grand scale and not be caught, these international football types would have hired someone from America’s NCAA.
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So is everyone at FIFA in Sepp-tic shock? #Blatter
Two months into a seven month abalone season, the sixth person this year has died while diving for the precious mollusk off the Northern California coast, How long until the NRA calls for divers to be armed?
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Now Ohio governor John Kasich is heading to Iowa to make a speech to an economic development group in Des Moines At this point if all those ballplayers tried to come out of the cornfields they’d trip over presidential candidates.
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Mike Huckabee, dismissing trangenders. “Now, I wish that someone told me that when I was in high school that I could have felt like a woman when it came time to take showers in PE. I’m pretty sure that I would have found my feminine side and said, ‘Coach, I think I’d rather shower with the girls today.'”
Kind of makes sense that some of these clowns don’t believe in evolution. Because they are their own best argument against it. #cantfixstupid
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So the Duggars are apparently TLC’s 5th reality show hild molestation scandal, following issues with “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,” “Sons of Guns,” “Cheer Perfection,”, and “Cake Boss.” Who knew that TLC stood for “Touching Little Children?”
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An official at Poly Prep, an expensive private NYC school, has been placed on indefinite leave after reports that he included alcohol, cigars and hookers on a trip to Cuba for students. Meanwhile, have to wonder how many boys have been pleading with their parents to let them apply to the school.
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So the American tourist killed by a lion in the South African Safari Park was taking pictures with all the windows down when she was attacked. Wonder if the lion was hungry, or if big cats too have had enough of selfie sticks?
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Another thought on the woman mauled to death by a lion at a Safari Park. Sad that she died just for rolling down a window. On the other hand, as anyone who has cats knows, you can store their favorite food indefinitely in the house…but open a can where they can smell it, and it’s all over.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Blatter jokes, Duggars jokes, FIFA jokes, Florida jokes, hockey jokes, Huckabee jokes, Janice Hough, lion jokes, Stanley Cup jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 1, 2015
Donald Trump, who is expected to formally announce later this month that he is running for President, told an interviewer “I have an absolute way of defeating ISIS, and it would be decisive and quick and it would be very beautiful. Very surgical.”
When asked what it was, the Donald replied. “If I tell you right now, everyone else is going to say: “Wow, what a great idea.” You’re going to have 10 candidates going to use it and they’re going to forget where it came from. Which is me.”
So if Trump doesn’t get elected he’s not going to tell the world ever as punishment for regretting him?
Bruce Jenner has announced that as a woman she will be known as Caitlyn, and appeared on the cover of Vanity Fair with gorgeous auburn tresses. Well, fortunately there’s enough money in the family Caitlyn will never need to have a bad hair day.
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Have to root for #CaitlynJenner if for no other reason than she appears to be knocking Kim Kardashian’s latest pregnancy out of the headlines.
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The Surpreme Court rules in favor of a young Muslim woman who sued Abercrombie and Fitch when they didn’t hire her because she said she had to wear a head scarf. Good for the Court. But have to wonder, if you are religious enough to wear a hijab, why would you want to work at Abercrombie and Fitch?
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An American woman was killed at a South African Safari Park when she and her husband ignored signs and written instructions NOT to drive through with their car windows open, and she was bitten by a lion. An Australian man survived a lion bite in March when he too drove through with a window open.
Perhaps the Safari Park needs to change their strategy. Instead of warnings, just post “Visitors who drive through with open windows will reduce our lion food bill.” #cantfixstupid
CNN points out that Lindsey Graham would be the first bachelor elected President since 1886. And that Grover Cleveland was accused of having a “love child.” Actually might help Graham to have rumors of an illegitimate kid.
KFC is suing some Chinese companies and demanding an apology over a social media campaign against KFC food, including a rumor that their chickens are genetically modified to have six wings and eight legs. But really, who would believe that KFC uses actual chicken?
After TSA agents failed to detect fake bombs in 67 out of 70 test cases, the acting head of the agency was reassigned. Homeland Security officials said in a statement – “The numbers in these reports never look good out of context.” Uh, is there a context in which a 95% failure rate looks good?
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Buster Posey was called out on a play at #AT&TPark where a Pirates fan was ruled to have interfered with a PITTSBURGH rightfielder’s attempt to catch a ball that might or might not have been catchable. Hmm… interesting potential strategy for #SFGiants fans on the road.
An optimistic note from Bill Littlejohn “Husband and wife Tony and Janet Blundy recently made back-to-back holes in one, a feat estimated at odds of 50,000,000-to-one. So, you see—there’s still hope for Tim Tebow.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: #Caitlyn Jenner jokes, #cantfixstupid, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, KFC jokes, Lindsey Graham jokes, Trump jokes, TSA jokes
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May 31, 2015
When I asked for a Coke Zero on a plane today, a United flight attendant gave me the entire can, unopened. So are soda cans off the weapons list?
Or is Coke Zero safer than Diet Coke?
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In Takhatpur, India, villagers had a wedding ceremony between two frogs. They are in the midst of a drought and frog marriages are supposed to invoke the rain gods. Could be very disappointing for one frog if a kiss turns one of them into a prince or princess.
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Now, if this frog marriage stuff works it opens up all kinds of possibilities for California. But can we have same-sex frog marriages?
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A recycling center in California is looking for a woman who dropped off a vintage Apple Computer. They sold it for $200,000 and want to give her half. Hmm, wonder what I could get for my Blackberry.
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At a Four Seasons in Texas, Johnny Manziel got frustrated with a fan and threw a water bottle at him. Fortunately the situation didn’t escalate any further, as no doubt Manziel’s throw missed the guy by a foot.
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John Kerry, 71, broke his leg in a bike accident in the French Alps. Not sure if the Secretary of State still thinks he’s young enough to be President, but he clearly thinks he’s still young enough to be riding a fancy racing bike..
Apparently Kim Kardashian is pregnant again. And she’s said “It is an adjustment trying to balance a career and motherhood for sure, but the key is to prioritize.” Kim Kardashian has a career?
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Darwin nominee for the week. In Maryland, a man was fatally burned after he lit a cigarette while trying to pump his own gas at a service station. So is this a potential new marketing strategy for electric cars? “We don’t just save the environment.” #cantfixstupid
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The Washington Nationals put Stephen Strasburg on the DL with neck stiffness. Wonder if Strasburg, who had an 2015 ERA of 6.55, strained it by all that turning around to see balls hit off him this season.
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Guess war doesn’t count? Jeb Bush today suggested the budget deficit during his brother’s administration was because W. “let the Republican Congress get a little out of control, in terms of the spending.” But hey, okay, is Jeb suggesting we elect him along with a Democratic House and Senate?
From T.C. Country star Garth Brooks had to cancel his three shows in Tampa in order to accomodate the NHL Lightning’s Stanley Cup home games. See, this is what happens when you only have friends in low places.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Apple jokes, Darwin jokes, drought jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, Manziel jokes, United jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 28, 2015
The U.S. case against FIFA apparently involves bribes “totaling more than $100 million” linked to commercial deals dating back to the 1990s for soccer tournaments in the United States and Latin America. $100 million is a lot of money to affect competition. Of course, for comparison ESPN is paying $470 million a year for the college football playoffs….
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FIFA President Sepp Blatter on the arrests “Let me be clear: such misconduct has no place in football and we will ensure that those who engage in it are put out of the game.” So is Blatter resigning?
Have to share this from Ryan Duca. “Breaking news. Swiss Police confirm that, when arrested, all seven FIFA officials threw themselves on the ground and pretended to be injured.”
The #SFGiants are 10-2 since their right fielder has returned to the lineup field. Let’s hope MLB doesn’t classify Hunter Pence as a PED.
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The team with the highest batting average in the National League is…. the SF Giants?! #whoaretheseguys
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ESPN reports NY Mets pitcher Noah Syndergaard “is the 4th pitcher in the last 50 years to throw 7 scoreless innings in a game, while collecting 3 hits, including a HR.” Is this throwing down the gauntlet to Madison Bumgarner?
The worst division in MLB is unquestionably now the AL East, with even the division leading Yankees at .532, no better than 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th place in most other divisions, and no one else over .500. But the division does have 3 of the top 10 ten payrolls in baseball. (NY, Boston,Toronto.) #moneycantbuyhappiness #orwins
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If the Warriors clinch tonight it will be seven days between the end of the Conference Finals and the beginning of the NBA Finals, the longest layoff ever. Well, I guess the league doesn’t want to give up on the moniker “The Boys of Summer.”
Wow. Just wow. Less than 48 hours after he was cut by the Chicago Bears for a third arrest, which he denied was his fault, Ray McDonald was arrested tonight by the Santa Clara Police for violating a restraining order. #Cantfixstupid
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An Australian man made the news for spending $37K on a birthday party at a private estate for their daughter. The girl just turned 3. Well, if dad has that kind of money, presumably he can set aside as much or more for future therapy.
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Marco Rubio says of the push to legalize same-sex marriage that “we’ve reached the point in our society where if you do not support same-sex marriage you are labeled a homophobe and a hater.”,… After they are done going after individuals, the next step is to argue that the teachings of mainstream Christianity, the catechism of the Catholic Church is hate speech. And there’s a real and present danger.”
Thinking a bigger “real and present danger” to Christianity these days is people like Marco Rubio…
No NBA games to watch now for about a week. And a large number of Americans are going “no what?”
Rand Paul today, on GOP Hawks. “ISIS exists and grew stronger because of the hawks in our party who gave arms indiscriminately. And most of those arms were snatched up by ISIS. … Everything that they have talked about in foreign policy, they have been wrong about for 20 years, and yet they have somehow the gall to keep saying and pointing fingers otherwise.” Well, not sure what job Paul is really angling for, but it sure doesn’t appear to be the Republican VP nominee.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: FIFA, FIFA jokes, Janice Hough, Sepp Blatter jokes, SF Giants jokes, soccer jokes, Westboro Baptist jokes
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May 26, 2015
The parent company of Pizza Hut and Taco Bell says they will remove all artificial flavors and coloring from their food. What will be left?
Texas Governor Greg Abbott last month ordered the State Guard to monitor US military games In the state. So now with the horrific floods will Abbott call President Obama for FEMA, or for foreign aid?
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Apparently tickets were available for game four of the NBA Eastern Conference finals at a reasonable price since Cleveland fans didn’t seem that interested in showing up. Neither apparently did the Atlanta Hawks.
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That video of Stephen Curry’s scary fall Monday night seemed to be on an endless loop on sports shows. And watching, it’s amazing he didn’t break a wrist at least in the tumble. If he hadn’t gone into basketball Curry might have had a real future in men’s gymnastics.
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Three children were injured after a waterspout made landfall at a Fort Lauderdale beach and sent an inflatable bounce house soaring into the air.
It being Florida have to wonder how many people will try to figure out how to put bounce houses in the path of future waterspouts so they can experience flying.
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In his 2002 campaign for Senate, Jim Bob Duggar stated on his website that “rape and incest represent heinous crimes and as such should be treated as capital crimes.” Capital crimes huh? Capital punishment might result in a whole new viewing audience for their show.
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A clip has surfaced from 2008 with Josh Duggar talking about his siblings Jana and John David joining him with his girlfriend on a “double date” and laughingly adding “We are from Arkansas, no?” Once again, where are the religious small business owners refusing to bake cakes for Duggar weddings?
Phillies GM Ruben Amaro, on fans who are unhappy with the team. “They don’t understand the game….. And then they b—- and complain because we don’t have a plan. There’s a plan in place and we’re sticking with the plan. We can’t do what’s best for the fan. We have to do what’s best for the organization so the fan can reap the benefit of it later on.”
So what part of the plan involves getting a GM who understands the game?
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Two pitchers have been ejected and suspended over foreign substance on their arms in the last week. Wouldn’t it be simpler for these would-be greasers just to adopt a Brandon Crawford type hairdo? #SFGiants
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A retired Catholic bishop warned women against practicing yoga, which he said is a “pagan” exercise, and said could be “an occasion of serious sin” So maybe they should take up a wholesome exercise like pole dancing instead?
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A last post-Memorial Day thought. So many politicians, mostly non-veterans, like to talk about honoring those who made the ultimate sacrifice in war. Would take them more seriously if they honored those brave men and women by only sending more of them into combat as a last resort. #YesIamtalkingaboutyouchickenhawks
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The IRS says that hackers have accessed over 100,000 taxpayers’ old returns. But IRS Commissioner John Koskinen says “This is not a security breach. Our basic information is secure. These are criminals who had enough data to try and impersonate the taxpayer.” Orwell would be proud.
About a five hour drive from Milwaukee, where the Giants were playing tonight, to Minneapolis, where the Red Sox were playing. So did Pablo Sandoval see any of the highlight shows and wonder if he just MIGHT have been having more fun had he stayed put….?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Duggar jokes, Duggars jokes, FEMA jokes, Hawks jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Phillies jokes, Pizza Hut jokes, Texas jokes, yoga jokes
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May 25, 2015
Despite warnings of dangerous and potentially life-threatening rip currents, 2 swimmers have died and several hundred more have needed to be rescued from Florida beaches this weekend, more than 400 in Volusia County (Daytona Beach area) alone, Darwin would be so proud.
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Just heard Mike Krukow on TV today refer to Bud Selig as a great commissioner of baseball. So guess Kruk picked up some brownies during #SFGiants’ Colorado visit?
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San Jose police arrested DE Ray McDonald, at the time a member of the Chicago Bears, on a domestic violence charge. This is turning into a twisted version of “Groundhog Day.”
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The Ray McDonald era in Chicago is over. The Bears cut him later Monday. So now the question…. which team will give him a 4th chance?
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With the most recent arrest of Ray MacDonald, former Gators’ coach Urban Meyer is really solidifying his position as leader of the all-time trouble team. #Hernandez #MacDonald #Harvin
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Horrible flooding in both Texas and Oklahoma. Forget oil.. Shouldn’t someone be able to figure out a way to build a pipeline for water to California?
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Baltimore Orioles reliever Brian Matusz was suspended 8 games today, after being caught Saturday with a sticky substance on his arm. Considering he was the 2nd pitcher caught in a week, thinking MLB should have tacked on more games for stupidity. #maybeheshouldhavetriedsomethingdifferent?
Apparently a lot of mall shoppers were upset by a black and white PacSun t-shirt displayed Monday with an upside-down U.S.flag, saying it was “disrespectful” etc. Although if you really want to honor fallen soldiers on Memorial Day, is going to the mall the best way to do it?
Basketball fans across the US hoping Stephen Curry is okay. Even in Cleveland, where they’re thinking Steph should think of his long term health, and just take about a month off. #WarriorsvsRockets
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After the first quarter #HoustonRockets were on pace for 180 in regulation tonight.
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Have to wonder how different things might be in the Western Conference NBA finals if the Houston Rockets had only called a time out at the end of game 2?
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Anyone who says baseball is slow has clearly never watched last minutes of #NBA game when fouling is a viable option. #warriorsvsrockets
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Darwin jokes, drought jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, ray mcDonald jokes, rockets jokes, SF Giants jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
May 24, 2015
As this Duggar family saga unfolds have to wonder…. if an African-American family, Christian or not, had tried to cash in on their fertility with a reality show, would they have been turned into Child Protective Services just for having 19 children.
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Roger Federer was upset by a selfie-seeking fan who accosted him on the court after his French Open match today. The young man in question has been barred from the rest of the tournament. Really? So he can’t see a few more matches? You really want to cure this problem, tell fans if they jump on court for pictures, they and their camera may be used for as targets for serving practice.
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Sad to read of the death of Nobel prize winner and “A Beautiful Mind” subject John Nash and his wife in a taxi accident. But you would think someone as brilliant as he was on game theory etc would also have calculated the odds and put on a seatbelt.
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Many viewers just tune into the #Indy500 for the wrecks. Which is actually the same reason most viewers watch #TheBachelorette
Nine brains were found on a street near train tracks in a village in northern New York village. Hmm, so how many GOP candidates have declared for the Presidency in 2016?
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Some say jockeys aren’t athletes. But thinking it takes more skill to win riding an animal with a mind of its own compared to riding in an expensive high-powered well-tuned car. #Indy500 #TripleCrown
So today there was a two hour rain delay in Denver today for the Rockies- Giants game. During which time IT DID NOT RAIN.
Although in four games this weekend at Coos Field there was a total of over 7 hours of delays, #sowhodecidedtobuildtheColoradoballparkwithnoroofanyway?
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The SF Giants have DFA’ed Casey McGehee. So congrats to all those who had May 24 in the pool.
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Best news for most baseball fans about the Yankees’ fourth appearance (and loss) tonight on Sunday Night Baseball against the Rangers. ESPN is contractually obligated not to show any one team more than six Sunday Night games. #twomoretogo
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Duggar jokes, Janice Hough, political jokes, selfie jokes, Yankees jokes
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May 23, 2015
Ireland is mostly a Catholic country. And the Irish Constitution contains this phrase: “We, the people of Éire, Humbly acknowledging all our obligations to our Divine Lord, Jesus Christ, Who sustained our fathers through centuries of trial.” And with over 62 % voting in favor of gay marriage, they’ve decided Jesus was indeed a tolerant guy. #Fabulous
Patriots fans are planning a “Free Tom Brady” rally tomorrow from 11a to1p at Gillette Stadium. It’s described on FB as “a peaceful rally to protest the unjust football arrest of half God half man Tom Brady.” Wow. There must really not be much to do in Foxborough on Memorial Day weekend.
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So on what would have been Bristol’s wedding day, the Palins and her ex-fiance’s family said they are still gathering for a barbecue at the Meyer’s farm in Kentucky. “‘On the year anniversary of our families meeting each other, this weekend is to appreciate both our families’ unconventional, unexpected chapters in exciting lives, with pages turning to more opportunities to live life vibrantly.” Possible translation – both families are thinking “We dodged a bullet.”
(Either that or no one wants to waste food when it’s too late to cancel the caterer?)
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As a make-up doubleheader at Coors Field between Colorado and San Francisco had the first game delayed over two hours and the second game delayed and almost rained out, MLB has to be thinking what a good thing it is that the Rockies are almost never season contenders. Add fall and real snow potential and it might take a month to play the World Series.
Unlikely sporting event: The Houston Rockets making it to the NBA Western Conference Finals. Even more unlikely sporting event: Houston fans saying “It’s okay when we lose, we still have the Astros.”
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The minor-league Florida Stone Crabs planned “A-Rod Juice Box Night” tonight, where the first 500 fans got a free juice box, and any fans bringing A-Rod T-shirts, hats or other merchandise to be donated to the Salvation Army could get a free ticket. Alas it was cancelled after protests from the Yankees, whose spokesman said “We have taken many steps in last few hours to get them to cease and desist.” No doubt many many $tep$.
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Atlanta’s Kent Bazemore, whose Hawks team is down 2-0 to the Cleveland Cavaliers – “I still think we’re the better team.” Thinking there were a lot of teams who were “better” than the SF Giants last year too.
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In Cleveland, a white police officer was acquitted of manslaughter in a 2012 case where two unarmed black suspects whose car backfired while speeding past police headquarters were fatally shot in a 137-shot barrage. Because 140 or 150 shots would have been excessive force?
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This would be funny if it weren’t so awful. An Arkansas state judge told police on Thursday to destroy the 2006 offense report on Josh Duggar. Mike Huckabee, who is publicly defending the family says the “victims wanted this left in the past,” so the destruction was “not to protect Josh, but the innocent victims.” #JesusREALLYwept
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Coors field jokes, Duggar jokes, gay marriage jokes, Janice Hough, MLB jokes, Palin jokes
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May 22, 2015
TLC has apparently cancelled “19 Kids and Counting.”
And from the Duggar family, this direct quote from Josh’s statement. “I understood that if I continued down this wrong road that I would end up ruining my life.”
HIS life? But hey, the girls he molested, they would grow up fine with enforced future purity and “side hugs” #sickpuppy
Waiting for the first owners of a small business to say it goes against their religious values to bake a cake for a Duggar family wedding. #duggars
Bus to hell moment. Wonder if the “19 kids” in the title referred to Josh’s tally.
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Some times the best quotes come from the oddest places. This is from Mama June Shannon, Honey Boo Boo’s mom, whose family TLC show was canceled last fall after reports that she was dating a convicted child molester. “”I read that the Duggar family said this happening with their son brought them closer to God and each other. So they’re saying it’s ok to have family touch time? Hell no.”
Seahawks’ DE Michael Bennett says that playing for coach Pete Carroll “is like playing for Willy Wonka.” Well, except for at the end of the movie, Willy Wonka handed off the factory.
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Michael Sam has signed with the CFL Alouettes and says he wants to bring a Grey Cup to Montreal. Give Sam credit, at least he knows what the Grey Cup is.
The San Francisco 49ers and San Diego Chargers first preseason game Sept 3 at Levi’s Stadium is now on Goldstar for half-price. But many fans may want to wait to see how much the teams will offer to pay them to show up.
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Chris Christie now says the media owes him an apology over Bridgegate. Or what, he’ll close New Jersey Transit so they can’t get to work?
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Disney World is trying to crack down on people who use selfie-sticks on rides at their theme parks. Ah, for a machine that could just randomly grab sticks while rides are in operation and throw them and their users off…
Kyrie Irving was out for Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals with left knee tendinitis. Sounds like we are getting ever closer to an NBA version of that baseball cartoon, with LeBron James channeling Bugs Bunny and playing all the positions.
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LA GM Mitch Kupchak says the 2015-16 season will be Bryant’s last with the Lakers “He has indicated to me that this is it.” Kobe has one year and $25 million left on his contract. So is Bryant retiring? Or just not happy with the idea of actually being paid in future for what he is now worth.
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From Marc Ragovin; “Pete Townshend turned 70 the other day. So now instead of singing “Who Are Your?” it’s “Who Am I?”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Christie jokes, Disney jokes, Duggar jokes, Duggarfamily jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, TLC
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May 21, 2015
Okay, this is a bit harsh. And the SF Giants know as well as any team how meaningless the regular season can be when you get to the playoffs. But who says American ingenuity is dead? From the Los Angeles Dodgers’ Wikipedia page:
Clayton Kershaw on the pitch that Madison Bumgarner hit for a home run. “It was a fastball right down the middle. I should have respected him a little more.” Well, since Madbum hit four last year, maybe Kershaw should have just watched a little tape.
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There are only 18 players in MLB who have homered off of both Clayton Kershaw and Zack Greinke. One of them is Madison “Babe” Bumgarner.
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Well, on the bright side for the #LADodgers, they had no wear-and-tear on their bats in 3 games at AT&T Park. #sweep #3shutouts #SFGiants
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Aaron Hernandez, serving a life sentence and now on trial for witness intimidation, apparently has a new tattoo and will “face discipline” for it. So what, they are going to lock the former Patriot away for two lifetimes?
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Brewers’ relief pitcher Will Smith was ejected tonight for allegedly having pine tar on his arm. He said it was a mixture of rosin and sunscreen that he forgot to remove before coming in. Once again I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.
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Many complain that raising minimum wage will result in higher costs. But as USA TODAY reports, while McDonalds’ workers are pushing for a $15 hourly minimum wage, top executives at the company average $1220 an hour. Where’s the outrage over what THAT adds to the cost of a hamburger
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The Duggar parents from “19 Kids and Counting” are rallying behind their son Josh, 27, after it has come out that he molested several girls when he was a teenager: “Even though we would never choose to go through something so terrible, each one of our family members drew closer to God.” Wonder if they’d be as supportive if one of their children simply came out as gay?
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Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf has come out in favor of decriminalizing marijuana. Well, leaving aside the taxation and use-of- police-time issues, Philly fans need all the ways to mellow out they can get.
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Kobe Bryant’s tweet on the Laker’s good luck in the NBA lottery. “We played like crap all season so it’s only right we get the #2 pick HA #lakerluck #goodday” Well, and if the team only wasn’t paying $24 million to one over-the-hill player…..
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Bus to hell time. The world’s largest Disney Store opened in Shanghai and shoppers lined up for over a mile to get in. Sort of the Chinese equivalent of a school crafts fair where adults rush to buy what their children have made?
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The FCC apparently has gotten 22 complaints from viewers watching golf on TV over bad language. And 15 of those involved Tiger Woods. Well, this might mean Tiger’s outbursts are in a different league. Or it might mean he’s the only golfer most people watch.
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At Charlotte’s airport. a man who was angry about his flight being overbooked stripped naked in protest. And airlines are thinking, hmm… less weight, less fuel issues. Can we start having a clothing surcharge?
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Citicorp, Barclays, JPMorgan Chase and the Royal Bank of Scotland have pleaded guilty to rigging the currency markets in 2008 and will pay collectively more than $5 billion in penalties. And you thought your banking fees were high NOW.
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So apparently that shoot out in Waco, Texas started over a parking dispute. Many women heard that and are thinking “And they weren’t even Christmas shopping?
From T.C. “NFL.com is refusing to take orders for personalized jerseys with the name “DEFLATOR” on the back. How about “SSSSSSSSSSS””
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Aaron Hernandez jokes, airport jokes, Disney jokes, Dodgers jokes, Duggar jokes, Janice Hough, Kershaw jokes, Lakers jokes, marijuana jokes, SF Giants jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
May 20, 2015
The last “Late Show with David Letterman” ended Wednesday, after 33 years. The most amazing thing for the younger generation, that to watch the show you once actually had to stay up “Late Night.”
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33 years ago…. to put that in perspective, half as long as Vin Scully has been announcing.
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In 1982 the Chicago Cubs were only in a 74 year World Series drought.
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Police said they found about 1,000 weapons were found at the Twin Peaks restaurant in Waco after the shootout last weekend. Well gosh, I can certainly see why Texas lawmakers are pushing to loosen the state’s gun laws…..
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George Clooney said last night on Jimmy Kimmel that his wife Amal isn’t always happy with his style of dress – “There is that moment when I’ve worn the same T-shirt like for a week that she says, ‘Really?'” Well, okay, so he’s a bit of slob. Millions of heartbroken women can now feel they’ve dodged a bullet.
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You can’t make this stuff up. Virginia State Senate candidate Joe Morrissey, 57, denied allegations of a sexual relationship with his 17 year old secretary in 2013, but accepted a plea bargain with a six-month jail sentence on a misdemeanor charge of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. He’s now been released, after being re-elected while in jail, and confirms he is the father of a 9-week-old baby with the young woman. (This makes four children by four different women.)
Well, give the guy credit, at least he’s not running on a family values platform.
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NY Daily News headline “Double-decker tour bus fatally slams into elderly woman in Morningside Heights” The woman was 68! 68?!!. Heck, had she been a man she’d be about the right age to play for the San Antonio Spurs. (and too young to play with the Rolling Stones.)
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The Warriors’ Stephen Curry has been fined $5,000 by the NBA for flopping last night against the Rockets. Actually, these fines aren’t for flopping…they’re just for flopping clumsily enough to get caught.
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Two New Jersey DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency) have been charged with illegally moonlighting by operating a strip club on the side. Maybe they had aspirations of joining the Secret Service?
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A Norwegian Cruise Line ship that ran aground in Bermuda yesterday has been refloated back into the water. No word on what NCL might do regarding compensation for the passengers. If they were an airline they’d probably charge for an extra stop.
In the NHL, the Toronto Maple Leafs lured coach Mike Babcock away from Detroit with a 8 year, $50 million contract. It might not have just been the money. Don’t disregard not having to worry about all that stressful playoff pressure.
There may be better pitchers at #ATTPark for #SFGiants, including a World Series MVP. But will any be more loved than #TimLincecum? #Timmy
A new study shows that for the past 10 years the worst airport in the summer for on-time flight arrivals is Newark, with only 64.5% of flights arriving on schedule. On the brighter side, 35.5% of passengers thus had less time than they expected in New Jersey.
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Speculation now that the Obamas may move to New York City after they leave the White House. Though wonder if the $30 million that the Clintons have earned in the last year or so would be enough these days to buy a Manhattan apartment.
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Aaron Hernandez was apparently involved in a prison fight on Monday. So congrats to all those who had May 18 in the pool.
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Former senator John Glenn, 93, saying he believes evolution should be taught in schools. “I don’t see that I’m any less religious by the fact that I can appreciate the fact that science just records that we change with evolution and time, and that’s a fact. It doesn’t mean it’s less wondrous and it doesn’t mean that there can’t be some power greater than any of us that has been behind and is behind whatever is going.”
At 93, Glenn is better on that question than many current presidential candidates….
Thought for the night forwarded by an anonymous friend “I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself .”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Aaron Hernandez jokes, George Clooney jokes, Janice Hough, Letterman jokes, Maple Leaf jokes, Morrissey jokes, NBA jokes, Waco jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
May 20, 2015
The NFL is apparently about to change the Point After Touchdown (PAT) rule. Oakland Raiders fans are asking “The what?”
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Former Notre Dame quarterback Everett Golson is transferring to Florida State and will play for the Seminoles next year. Well, at least he won’t have to worry anymore about being suspended for “poor academic judgment.”
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ESPN is reporting that the NFL and New England Patriots are having “back-channel conversations” to see if they can settle Deflategate differences without an appeal or litigation. Translation, so Brady can play against the Cowboys in week 4, and Kraft and Goodell can still have dinner together….
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Patriots owner Bob Kraft said the team will not appeal the NFL fine and loss of draft picks over Deflategate. Meaning there’s probably a deal to reduce Brady’s suspension. And what’s $1 million anyway. The Pats can always raise beer prices.
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To boost sales, KFC is bringing back Colonel Sanders, and coming out with a fancier restaurant design. What’s next, actually spending money to improve the quality of their food?
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The minor league baseball Fresno Grizzlies have joined the creative ballpark food bandwagon with “Frankenslice” – a pizza with hot dogs wrapped in the crust. Does it come with a discount coupon for an EKG?
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UPS will reportedly pay $25 million in claims for falsifying “on-time” claims for ten years. And the airlines are thinking “You can do that?”
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Walmart’s income $1.03 a share in the first quarter, when analysts had expected $1.05 a share. And the company blamed it partly on higher raising worker wages to at least $9 a hour. The company ended up only making $3.1 billion. Wonder if Walmart sells violins so we can get them out and play them….
A Rasmussen poll says 46% of voters want George Stephanopoulos banned after t came out that he donated $75,000 to the Clinton Foundation. Okay, maybe not a smart move but did any one actually think the former Clinton staffer was unbiased before? (Maybe about as many as actually believe “Fair and balanced.”)
Bryce Harper has 10 home runs in the last 12 games. Even Barry Bonds is thinking “Who’d be idiotic enough to throw him a strike?”
So after the Waco biker shootings, Texas is moving ahead with an “Open Carry” bill that will LOOSEN handgun laws, with leglislators saying things like the law had nothing to do with the shooting and it’s not as if the current law stopped them. #Whatcouldpossiblyhavebeenworse? #Whatcouldpossiblygowrong
#Knicks fall to #4 in the #NBADraft. Karmic punishment for being stupid enough to beat the #Hawks and #Spurs down the stretch.
Of course, it’s all relative. The worst-in-the-league #Timberwolves got the 1st pick in the #NBADraft but already had Rookie of the Year Andrew Wiggins. Meanwhile the last time the #Spurs had a lottery pick they took a young man named #TimDuncan. #alonglongtimeago
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: deflategate jokes, FSU jokes, Janice Hough, KFC jokes, NBA draft jokes, NFL jokes, Patriots jokes, Waco jokes, Walmart jokes
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May 18, 2015
Sarah Palin just announced today that her daughter Bristol’s May 23 wedding to Dakota Meyer “will not be held.” Amazed she didn’t blame the break-up on all these gay marriages.
(Or maybe someone didn’t want to make a cake for an unwed mother?)
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Generalissmo Francisco Franco and the Clippers are still dead.
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Lindsey Graham says he will announce his 2016 Presidential plans on June 1. As soon as he finds an appropriate closet from which to make the announcement?
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The Miami Marlins fired their manager Mike Redmond and hired GM Dan Jennings for the job. Who last coached 30 years ago- and it was a high school team.. Makes some sense. The Marlins are a pretty sophomoric franchise.
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That biker bar shootout in Waco alas proved once again, that as much as we may fear outside terrorists, we Americans are pretty good at killing each other.
(and if we’re going to really profile people in Texas. Almost all those 170 mugshots were… white men.)
Charlie Weis, who was fired from both Notre Dame and Kansas, is in line to make more than $24 million from both schools AFTER he was terminated. Hmm, well, if this football thing doesn’t work out maybe Weis would be a good fit as Carly Fiorina’s campaign manager?
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So I would take the defenders of religious freedom much more seriously if some of them would start defending the right of bakery owners not to make wedding cakes for ANY winners of #TheBachelor or #TheBachelorette.
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Some people seem to have a problem with Ruth Bader Ginsburg exercising her beliefs by performing same sex marriages. Wonder where they were when Antonin Scalia spoke at Colorado Christian University and said the separation of church and state doesn’t mean “the government cannot favor religion over non-religion…”
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Justin Smith is the latest 49er to retire. Will the last SF star to leave Levi’s Stadium please turn out the lights?
Cincinnati RB Jeremy Hillatch on the Bengals’ need to get to the next round of the playoffs “It’s been four years in a row and if it doesn’t happen this year then it’s probably never going to happen.” Or maybe the team will have to change their name to the Cincinnati Cubs.
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A report says the Buffalo Bills may cut QB EJ Manuel if he doesn’t improve. So sounds like another potential rider on the Jets’ clown car.
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Spectacular. Mailed a small first class package from Los Altos, CA to Winter Park, FL last Monday. It got to San Francisco on Tuesday, left SF on Wednesday, and arrived into ANCHORAGE, AK on Sunday. It apparently left Anchorage today, bound for who knows where.
Who knew the U.S. Post Office was hiring former airline baggage handlers?
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Two more BASE jumpers were unfortunately killed after attempting an illegal jump last weekend at Yosemite. Now, I’m not and have never been an “extreme athlete” and not even sure what the acronym “BASE” stands for. But it seems reasonable that the “S’ is for “Stupid.”
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And in case you’re a regular reader and wondering, or you’ve stumbled on this blog with Google. Yep, Jerry Hough is my dad. I learned to drive the “bus to hell” by myself. But now you probably know where I got the un-PC gene. 🙂
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: 49ers jokes, airline jokes, Bristol Palin jokes, clipper jokes, Janice Hough, jerry hough, Lindsay Grahams jokes, Marlins jokes, the Bachelorette jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
May 17, 2015
So since Friday, when the smokestacks topped with bats caught fire at Great American Ball Park, the SF Giants have scored 30 runs in three games. Is it time to do a sacrificial bat bonfire out in the Coke Bottle at AT&T Park?
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Getting the feeling that they had to have to pry #SFGiants hitters kicking & screaming out of the Cincinnati visitor’s clubhouse
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A teenager fortunately escaped with non-life threatening injuries after being gored while posing for a picture with a bison a few feet away. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised to know the teen is female. #equalopportunityDarwin
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Sunday was is “Bay to Breakers” in San Francisco. In many ways a quaint reminder of the days when California used to be considered the craziest state in the U.S.
That #Romney #Holyfield charity boxing match just may have had more action than #Mayweather #Pacquaio
Henry Cisneros said today he thought Hillary Clinton would choose former San Antonio Mayor Julian Castro as her running mate. You’ll know the rumors are serious when some in the GOP start making noises about Castro’s birth certificate.
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Bernie Sanders today on CNN denied he would be a “spoiler” in the 2016 race, and added “Maybe I shouldn’t say this: I like Hillary Clinton, I respect Hillary Clinton” But also asked if the media would “allow us to have a serious debate. Or is the only way you get media attention by ripping apart somebody else”
Besides being a self proclaimed “Democratic socialist,” Sanders is clearly too reasonable to ever be elected President.
Jeb Bush just joined with those who say that Christian business owners should not have to provide services for gay weddings “absolutely, if it’s based on a religious belief.”
I’d take Jeb and any of his fellow candidates more seriously if they would also come out and defend the right of those same business owners to reject wedding services where both parties haven’t remained virgins until marriage, or where one or both have been previously divorced….
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So it’s becoming closer to unanimous amongst U.S.Presidential candidates that the Iraq War might have been a mistake. Now wonder who will be the first to admit there might be issues with the statement “The world is a better place without Saddam Hussein.” #Isis #forstarters–
Kobe and company would like to thank the #Clippers for their gallant effort in contesting the #Lakers for this year’s most embarrassing story at Staples Center
Rut ro, from Marc Ragovin ” The good news: Charlotte Brown, a blind pole vaulter, won a bronze model at a recent track meet by clearing the bar at 11’6″. The bad news: her guide dog, Vador, will no longer be able to have puppies.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bush jokes, choke jokes, clipper jokes, Janice Hough, jeb bush jokes, San Francisco jokes, SF Giants jokes
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May 17, 2015
As Jeb Bush fumbles his way around the Iraq question, have to wonder if Jimmy Carter is quietly thinking “And they said MY brother was an embarrassing liability.”
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Russian President Vladimir Putin apparently scored 8 goals while playing in an exhibition hockey game with former NHL players. Not to be outdone, Kim Jong Un reported scoring 16 goals in a game after using an anti-aircraft gun on the goalie.
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#FAOSchwarz‘s flagship store in New York is closing. For many of us, especially #TomHanks fans, that’s a #Big loss.
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American Pharoah has a misspelled name. These days does that make him truly America’s horse?
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Walt Disney World is opening an Indiana Jones Themed bar and restaurant. Not sure all the entrees, but will one of them have to be snake?
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It’s May 17. Which means we are only a month and two days away from a potential game 7 in the NBA finals No joke. #andtheysaythebaseballseasonistoolong
Happiest people besides Houston Rockets fans after the Los Angeles Clippers’ collapse in game six? Advertisers for the fourth quarter of game seven. Regardless of the score, NO ONE is going to turn the game off early.
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When asked if their hockey team could win the Stanley Cup most New Yorkers answer “Yes.” Most Floridians answer “We have a hockey team?”
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Full credit to whoever was in charge of music at Great American Ballpark last night. While the smokestack burned they played “We Didn’t Start The Fire.”
Meanwhile , so all that the #SFGiants were missing to turn into an offensive juggernaut was for someone to set a fire in the outfield?
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-A US raid has killed a major ISIS commander. Finally something the GOP won’t blame on Obama.
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Elizabeth Warren at the Anaheim Convention Center with one of the best summation of the 2016 GOP Presidential candidates: Some of them took too many rides on the tea cups across the street.
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Anti-vaccine protestors outside the California Democratic convention have a number of signs. Including one that says the Republicans are against mandatory childhood vaccinations. And a number of Democratic candidates are thinking “Can we borrow that sign?”
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The Clintons have apparently made $30 million in the last 16 months. “Slackers,” sniffed Mitt Romney.
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Some Republicans are blasting Bill and Hillary Clinton for making $30 million mostly off speeches. At least they think Chelsea will make her money the American way – by inheriting it.
From Bill Littlejohn: ” At a Connecticut golf course, a man in one group ahead brandished a gun on a second group behind who complained that they were moving too slow and demanded to play through. This gives new meaning to ‘approach shot’.”
(wonder if he was on vacation from Florida)
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: American Pharoah jokes, Bush jokes, Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, SFGiants jokes, Triple Crown jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 16, 2015
So all it really took for #SFGiants bats to heat up in Cincinnati is for the ballpark to catch fire?
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As we approach the 2016 election many Americans are supporting Jeb hoping he won’t repeat his brother’s presidency.. Or supporting Hillary hoping she will repeat her husband’s. #Itsallrelative
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A new study sponsored by Microsoft found that humans now have shorter attention spans than goldfish. Oh look, a kitten….
As a regular driver on the bus to hell, still have to wonder, what if we could have only sent critically injured and now convicted Boston bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s to a random HMO hospital, maybe we wouldn’t be facing the current death penalty controversy?
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I understand that vigilante justice is a bad idea, and I understand that jury trials are a right. But how many millions of dollars did we spend saving the life of Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, and on his trial, and how many more millions will be spent on the death penalty appeals.?
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A new study sponsored by Microsoft found that humans now have shorter attention spans than goldfish. Oh look, a kitten….
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Fox News guest Gavin Mcinnes: “The big picture here is, women do earn less in America because they choose to… They’re less ambitious, and I think this is sort of God’s way, this is nature’s way of saying women should be at home with the kids — they’re happier there.” So which GOP Presidential candidate will hire McInnes first as a cultural adviser?
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So apparently Dakota Meyer, Bristol Palin’s fiance, married another woman in 2008. No word on when they split up. But just wondering, would Sarah and others in the GOP support a religious bakery owner’s right not to make a cake for a divorced man?
So now there are rumors, rumors only, that Bristol Palin’s fiance may STILL be married to another woman. As someone who tries to be a decent human being, I hope the rumors are wrong. As a bus to hell comedy writer….
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Hoping for #PaulPierce‘s sake that during last brilliant 3-point shot attempt he didn’t pause for a split second to call “game.” #ATLvsWAS
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So the Stanford Band has been banned from 2015 road trips, for off-field infractions including “an annual trip in which some band members used illegal substances.” Am sure it’s just coincidence that this year’s Cardinal away games include visits to Colorado and Washington State.
So some outrage over ABC’s George Stephanopoulos having contributed to the Clinton Foundation. Guess I missed the outrage from the same folks over Fox News’ Rupert Murdoch’s and Roger Ailes’s donations?
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Boston jokes, bus to hell jokes, Fox jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, SF Giants jokes
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May 14, 2015
Florida Gov. Rick Scott has signed legislation that allows the sale of “growler” beers, i.e. 64 ounce containers, in the state. “Growlers” are apparently legal already in most other states. Wonder if the hold-up was the worry that Floridians would consider them single-servings? #staggeringyourground
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The Patriots are claiming that the locker room attendant whose texts implicated Brady in Deflategate only called himself “the deflator” because he was trying to lose weight. I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.
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Steelers FB Le’Veon Bell to ESPN on his three-game suspension over marijuana possession and DUI. “I made a mistake,” Bell said. “I’m going to just have to do my time.” Whoa. This guy sounds way too responsible to be in the NFL. #wherestheexcuses?
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Fans who try to order a customized Patriots jersey from NFLshop.com with “DEFLATOR” on the back are receiving an error message: “We are unable to customize this item with the text you have entered. Please try a different entry again.”
Where are the defenders of free speech on this one?
(These jerseys are $294.99 plus tax and shipping. My father points out, They are refusing to do “deflator” for $295? That is a gross violation of their most sacred principles.)
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Missouri House Speaker John Diehl has resigned after texts obtained by the Kansas City Star indicated a sexual relationship between him and a college freshman intern. Well, at least the intern is female. #Whenwilltheyeverlearn #secrettextisanoxymoron
(and of course, Diehl is a married -for now- father of three, virulently anti-gay marriage types, who led the fight to override Missouri Gov. Jay Nixon’s veto of a bill that would allow employers not to cover birth control because of THEIR religious views. )
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Drought math: Apparently it takes about 1,800 gallons of water to produce a pound of beef. only 32 gallons for a glass of wine. And 17 gallons for an average shower. So if Californians can just eat a little less and drink a little more, we can all be happier and cleaner.
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George Zimmerman now apparently is thinking of leaving Florida because he gets “trouble” there. Okay, who wants to volunteer here? South Carolina? Arizona, Texas…?
At the time of writing this, the Padres are in a RAIN delay in San Diego. Wonder how long it took the grounds crew to find the tarp? #whatisthiswaterfallingfromthesky? #wehaveatarp?
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Apparently the engineer of the Amtrak train that derailed was going 106 MPH when he should have been going 50 MPH. Why weren’t there safeguards in place? Why wasn’t there a second engineer maybe to tell him to slow down? Budget cuts.
But Congress is on it. Today the House voted to cut another $252 million from the Amtrak budget.
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Just thinking, so if PTC (Positive Train Control) is too expensive for now…. how much would it cost to have an assistant engineer also in the Amtrak engine? #alotcheaperthananaccident
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So former NFL QB A.J. Feeley says Brady and the Patriots have been cheating with the footballs for years. Well, first, New England says they didn’t do it this time, and second, if they had of course it was just a one-time impulse that they had never tried before….. #howcanyoudoubtSaintBrady?
Nick Saban on the new college football playoff system, said it was “great to be a part” of it. But he also thought “by having a playoff we would minimize the interest in other bowl games, which I think is sort of what happened and I hate to see that for college football.” Uh, does Saban think most people EVER cared about 90% of the other bowl games?
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After Paul Pierce hit a 3 pointer with 8.3 seconds left in the Wizards-Hawks games for the lead he looked at the Atlanta bench and called “Series.” Because it would have taken too long to say “Mission Accomplished?”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Brady jokes, Bush jokes, deflator jokes, delflator, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, John Diehl jokes, NFL jokes, Patriots jokes, wine jokes, Wizards jokes
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May 13, 2015
A new Johns Hopkins University of Medicine study found that new stronger strains of marijuana could cause people exposed to second-hand smoke to test positive for pot drug in a urine analysis. Was this study sponsored by the NFL Players Association?
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Corey Kluber, 113 pitches, 8 inning one-hit shutout, 18 strikeouts! And Indians took him out of game. #oldschoolpitchersareweeping
But hey, it’s about pitch counts now. And we all know pitch counts make a big difference in pitchers’ health, because so few young players are getting injured these days and/or needing surgery…. Oops, never mind.
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Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, in support of Roger Goodell and his Deflategate decision: “I think he’s doing a great job, and I’m a big supporter of his. … I know one of his best qualities is fairness.” Translation. Either Romo likes hard footballs, or Jones knows he handles his balls himself.
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Former FSU coach Bobby Bowden, 85, on Jameis Winston “I think it’s a consensus amongst Florida State fans and boosters that he was an embarrassment in a lot of ways to the university.” Sigh, Bowden was a great coach. But memory is one of the first things to go. #FreeShoesUniversity
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A couple who was convicted of “lewd and lascivious exhibition” for having sex on a crowded beach with children around not only faces jail time, they must register as sex offenders. Right, because their display was almost as bad as what many American children see every night on television?
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The Arizona attorney general’s office has filed charges against a woman who in 2010 faked having cancer to get an abortion. Agree that it was wrong. But imagine what kind of mother she would have made.
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Searchers looking for Malaysia Airlines flight 370 in the Indiana Ocean have discovered a 19th century shipwreck. Stand by for the CNN special talking about if it’s a cruise ship.
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A small detail that got lost in last night’s SF Giants 8-1 win over the Astros. Nori Aoki was originally called safe at first, but the call was overturned quickly after a video review. The first base umpire? Jim Joyce. #Fiveyearstoolate #ArmandoGalarraga
In Wisconsin, the state assembly passed bills mandating drug tests for welfare recipients, and requiring that monthly stipends be used for healthy foods. Okay, fine, can we also drug test Wisconsin assembly members, and require them to use their $88 a DAY living expenses on healthy food too?
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So American Idol has been cancelled in part because of what some call WGWG (“White guys with guitars) syndrome. Where the winners are cute WGWG’s who may win votes from mostly young female viewers, but never amount to anything. And what do they do for their penultimate final? Send the girl rocker home in favor of two WGWGs
Why people who aren’t in the travel industry shouldn’t write travel articles: A SF Chronicle story from Business Insider on the “best Hawaiian islands for every type of traveler” says “Best for honeymooners – Lanai” – …” “a perfect destination for honeymooners who are seeking privacy and seclusion. Since the island’s two Four Seasons Resorts are currently closed to the public for renovations, visitors can enjoy more seclusion and fewer tourists.
Uh, yes, since the ONLY two major hotels on the island are closed, and the ONLY hotel open is the funky Hotel Lanai with 11 rooms, there’s plenty of seclusion…..
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: American Idol jokes, CNN jokes, deflategate jokes, FSU jokes, Jameis Winston jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 