I’m going to take my plan and go home?

Donald Trump, who is expected to formally announce later this month that he is running for President, told an interviewer “I have an absolute way of defeating ISIS, and it would be decisive and quick and it would be very beautiful. Very surgical.”

When asked what it was, the Donald replied. “If I tell you right now, everyone else is going to say: “Wow, what a great idea.” You’re going to have 10 candidates going to use it and they’re going to forget where it came from. Which is me.”

So if Trump doesn’t get elected he’s not going to tell the world ever as punishment for regretting him?

 

Bruce Jenner has announced that as a woman she will be known as Caitlyn, and appeared on the cover of Vanity Fair with gorgeous auburn tresses. Well, fortunately there’s enough money in the family Caitlyn will never need to have a bad hair day.

Have to root for ‪#‎CaitlynJenner‬ if for no other reason than she appears to be knocking Kim Kardashian’s latest pregnancy out of the headlines.

The Surpreme Court rules in favor of a young Muslim woman who sued Abercrombie and Fitch when they didn’t hire her because she said she had to wear a head scarf. Good for the Court. But have to wonder, if you are religious enough to wear a hijab, why would you want to work at Abercrombie and Fitch?

An American woman was killed at a South African Safari Park when she and her husband ignored signs and written instructions NOT to drive through with their car windows open, and she was bitten by a lion. An Australian man survived a lion bite in March when he too drove through with a window open.

Perhaps the Safari Park needs to change their strategy. Instead of warnings, just post “Visitors who drive through with open windows will reduce our lion food bill.” ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

 

 

CNN points out that Lindsey Graham would be the first bachelor elected President since 1886. And that Grover Cleveland was accused of having a “love child.” Actually might help Graham to have rumors of an illegitimate kid.

 

 

 

KFC is suing some Chinese companies and demanding an apology over a social media campaign against KFC food, including a rumor that their chickens are genetically modified to have six wings and eight legs. But really, who would believe that KFC uses actual chicken?

 

 

 

 

After TSA agents failed to detect fake bombs in 67 out of 70 test cases, the acting head of the agency was reassigned. Homeland Security officials said in a statement – “The numbers in these reports never look good out of context.” Uh, is there a context in which a 95% failure rate looks good?

 

 

Buster Posey was called out on a play at ‪#‎AT&TPark‬ where a Pirates fan was ruled to have interfered with a PITTSBURGH rightfielder’s attempt to catch a ball that might or might not have been catchable. Hmm… interesting potential strategy for ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans on the road.

 

 

An optimistic note from Bill Littlejohn  “Husband and wife Tony and Janet Blundy recently made back-to-back holes in one, a feat estimated at odds of 50,000,000-to-one. So, you see—there’s still hope for Tim Tebow.”

Explore posts in the same categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes

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