Posted tagged ‘Giants jokes’
April 16, 2016
Most worried #Warriors fans after the first day of the postseason. Those who finally scored playoff tickets, and they’re for game 5 at Oracle.
Since #Raptors are now 0-8 in #NBA playoff openers, wouldn’t it be more efficient & save wear on players just to forfeit game 1 next time?
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If you didn’t recognize #DodgerStadium you’d know the #SFGiants #Dodgers game is in Los Angeles. All those empty seats behind home plate.
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Right about now the #Jazz must be SO disappointed they missed the playoffs and a chance to take on the #Warriors. #NBAPlayoffs #sarcasm
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Nothing is certain but death, taxes and the #Raptors losing in game one of the #NBAPlayoffs
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Hard to believe it was not much more than a year ago that many #SFGiants fans were crushed when #PabloSandoval left to sign with #RedSox
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Lakers head coach Byron Scott said that he “absolutely” expects that he will not be fired for next season. Translation, Los Angeles isn’t sure they can get anyone else to take on their mess.
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Ohio State held their Spring football game today, 100,189 people showed up. Guess there must not be a lot to do in Columbus on a weekend.
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McDonald’s CEO Steve Easterbrook made $7.91 million last year, up from $1.69 million in 2014. But it’s okay, executive compensation, unlike the pay of minimum wage employees, doesn’t affect the price of hamburgers….
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Okay this is just piling on, as if Americans are jealous enough of Canada already: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3543380/Not-just-pretty-face-Justin-Trudeau-stuns-room-reporters-scientists-perfect-answer-quantum-computing-question.html
Snow in Denver has cancelled 70% of flights and also postponed Saturday’s annual “420” marijuana festival. Well, most attendees probably weren’t going to show up until at least Sunday anyway. #Dudewhensmyfestival?
A Muslim woman wearing a hijab was apparently kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight after she asked to change from a middle seat to an aisle because she was uncomfortable sitting between two men for religious reasons. Two responses – 1. Southwest probably over-reacted. 2. Not a bad idea. Especially when you’re a woman in a middle seat the men take the arm rests too.
If Bernie Sanders wants to attack Hillary Clinton for paid speeches that is his right.. But, not as if Bernie has been turning down the big bucks – from Ethics.senate.gov: “Anyone earning a Senate rate of pay at or above $123,175 may not earn more than $27,495 from all combined outside sources, including campaign work.”
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So while we’re all ragging on Hillary Clinton for accepting Wall Street money, and yes, we need campaign finance reform, just wondering, who paid for Bernie Sanders’ private jet to meet the Pope in Rome?
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Ted Cruz had a clean sweep of GOP delegates in Wyoming, all 14 of them. 14? Isn’t that about as many voters as there are in the state?
In Philadelphia, a 4-year-old girl was fatally shot by her 5-year-old brother with their father’s gun. If only the girl had been armed.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, marijuana jokes, McDonalds jokes, NBA jokes, raptors jokes, Warriors jokes
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April 14, 2016
Lots of uproar over a Sanders supporter using the term #Democraticwhores. Hillary fans are outraged. Meanwhile Bill is going “whores? where?
Really? A Rockies fan was kicked out of Coors Field for throwing a home run ball (hit by the Giants Trevor Brown) back onto the field. Good thing they don’t have that silly rule at Dodger Stadium. Madbum is hitting (and pitching) tomorrow night.
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Rough couple days for #SFGiants pitchers at Coors Field, giving up 21 runs in two days. But it could be worse, they could have given up all those runs interspersed with snow delays. (And yes, it is going to snow this weekend in Denver. Happy Spring.)
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Lots of attention on the Warriors winning 73 games. And over in Oakland the As are thinking “With luck we can do that this year too.”
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Meanwhile, in the NFL, Oakland and SF may combine to honor Golden State: this year’s Raiders are likely to win 7 games, while the 49ers are likely to win 3.
So what’s going to happen next? The Golden State Warriors lose a game? Or the Minnesota Twins or Atlanta Braves win a game?
So with this the 9th Democratic debate was there any point other than both sides hoping for a “gotcha” moment? #sanders #clinton
American Airlines has complained that TSA lines meant 6,800 of their passengers missed flights in just one week from March 14-20. Of course American is not complaining about all the change fees they were able to charge those passengers.
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Microsoft is suing the DOJ to prevent the government from going through users’ personal emails without notice. The company feels strongly that such an invasion of privacy should not be allowed, except by Microsoft and their advertisers.
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Canada is looking into passing an assisted suicide bill for terminally ill patients, but will not allow “suicide tourism” for Americans. Especially presumably after the November elections.
In Wisconsin a high school teacher who has been charged with having sex with her 16-year old student allegedly slept with him the night of her husband’s bachelor party and sent him selfies from her honeymoon. Your move, Florida.
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Al Sharpton, after Bill de Blasio and Hillary Clinton used a reference to “C.P” time in a skit – “Y’all got to leave all these jokes alone. Just, don’t even talk about race for a while.” Does it count as a joke to reference black pots and kettles?
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All this commotion over the phrase “C.P. time” when used by NY Mayor DeBlasio, who is married to a black woman. Now, maybe in a P.C. age it wasn’t the best joke. But while we’re at it, I’ve heard in Hawaii and Jamaica and much of the Caribbean “Island time,” in Mexico “Mexican minutes,” from a lot of men “girl time” or “girl ready” and from someone married to a woman from Delhi “Indian Standard time.” So maybe we should all lighten up?
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The Lakers apparently sold $1.2 million in Kobe Bryant merchandise yesterday. Although just think about how much the team might have made had they released Bryant a few years ago and built a team that could reach the playoffs.
From Alex Kaseberg “In his last game, the Lakers’ Kobe Bryant scored 60 points to beat the Utah Jazz. Now, I don’t want to say Utah rigged the game for Kobe, but Custer played better defense against Sitting Bull.”
Categories: debate jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Braves jokes, democratic whores jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Raiders jokes, Twins jokes, Warriors jokes
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April 13, 2016
Congrats to the Warriors on 73 wins. Klay Thompson was asked yesterday if the team would celebrate with champagne “Absolutely not You’ve got to save that till June, man. I mean, you might have a glass of wine after the game, but that’s about it.”
And the rest of the teams in the Western Conference playoffs are thinking, “Are you kidding, a week-long all-night party would be more appropriate.”
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Open note to #Warriors fans, the wave is for when team sucks & there’s nothing better to do. Or when you’re #Dodgers or #As fans #stayclassy
Kobe Bryant, 20 years with the Lakers. Impressive. Tim Duncan, 19 years with the Spurs – impressive. More impressive, Duncan has structured his contract and play to help his team still be relevant. #thequietfarewelltourkeepsontouring
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Warriors set record for NBA regular season wins. Many casual sports fans thinking “The NBA HAS a regular season?” #only2monthsuntilfinals
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Lots of fanfare for Kobe Bryant’s last game tonight. Probably just as well Bryant doesn’t have an heir apparent on the Lakers – might be too much to expect Kobe to pass anything, let along a torch.
#JakePeavy started off the Giants game like a man who doesn’t want #SF Bay Area fans to have to decide between watching the #SFGiants & #Warriors
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Boston #RedSox placed #PabloSandoval on the #DL with a left shoulder sprain. Possibly caused by too much repetitive motion with a fork?
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#Braves & #Twins play interleague games in July. So one of those teams will actually have to win games this #MLB season.
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Not a good April to be an Braves fan. The team is winless, and for those who say, “cheer up, it could be worse,” Atlanta outfielder Hector Olivera was arrested after a woman at the Ritz Carlton just outside D.C. called 911 to say he had assaulted her. Yeah, it just got worse.
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The Sacramento Kings will apparently fire George Karl as the 33-48 team will miss the playoffs again. Their next coach will be their 10th since 2006-07. Somewhere even George Steinbrenner is thinking “Jeez, show a little patience.”
AMC’s CEO said he is considering allow patrons to text during movies. Well, this should help speed up the process of getting EVERYONE to watch movies at home instead of in theaters.
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Harvard’s oldest exclusive club, The Porcellian, which is all-male, said in a statement to the Crimson (student newspaper):
“Forcing single gender organizations to accept members of the opposite sex could potentially increase, not decrease the potential for sexual misconduct.”
#Speechless But proving once again, IQ points are no guarantee against #Cantfixstupid
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Volvo has promised “death-proof” cars by 2020. So who needs a hospital when you’re sick – drive around in a Volvo and live forever?
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Apparently the original Santana band is reuniting for the first time since 1973. So after 43 years they’ve either decided to let bygones be bygones…or they can’t remember why they broke up in the first place?
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Ivanka Trump, blaming her inability to vote for her father on the state – “New York has one of the most onerous rules in terms of registration, and it required us to register a long time ago, almost — close to a year ago….(uh, actually you have to declare a party six months in advance.) Looks like the apple doesn’t whine far from the tree.
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Many states’ voting rules seem designed to keep poor and uneducated people from voting. Kudos to New York for bucking the trend by apparently making it harder for rich and lazy people. #Trumps
Congrats to Lynn Swann for getting the USC AD job. So what exactly are Swann’s qualifications though – he was a star Trojan football player and he hasn’t been arrested?
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“Affluenza” teen Ethan Couch has been tentatively sentenced to a two-year jail term, although the judge gave Couch’s defense two weeks to make an argument for him to reconsider. Reconsider? As in maybe give him at least four years?-
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 73 jokes, Braves jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, santana jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
April 12, 2016
Of course it’s only April, but the two Orange & Black teams in #MLB are a combined 14-2. #Orioles #SFGiants
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#BusterPosey might be googling #WallyPipp on his phone about now. #TrevorBrown #SFGiants
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#BruceBochy said before Monday’s #SFGiants #Rockies game he’d like #TrevorBrown to hit a home run in all of his starts. So is #Brown taking him seriously?
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#Dodgers payroll over $253,000,000. Now #MagicJohnson was 1 of greatest ever #NBA players. But did anyone tell him #MLB teams need something called a bullpen?
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Tickets to Kobe Bryant’s last game are going for at least $800. But really, if you just wanted to see Bryant play a meaningless game, for that price you could have probably bought tickets to the Lakers whole home season.
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Headline: “Lindsay Lohan is engaged. ” And most Americans no doubt are thinking “in what?”
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Popular porn site xHamster announced yesterday that when anyone with a North Carolina IP address visits the site, they will be asked if they support the new anti-LGBT law. If they say “yes,” they will be blocked. Now that’s REALLY hitting below the belt.
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John Kasich again last night in an interview said there is “zero” chance he would serve as v.p. “I would be the worst vice president the country ever saw. I’m not a vice president, I’m a president.”
Somewhere Dick Cheney is going “And your point is?”
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Paul Ryan, “Let me be clear: I do not want, nor will I accept the nomination for our party.”
Didn’t he say the same thing about becoming Speaker?
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The NFL has denied Josh Gordon’s petition for reinstatement. Of course, it doesn’t help when you petition AND fail a drug test in the same month.
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Music producer and reality tv star, David Gest, 62, known best to Americans as Liza Minnelli’s ex-husband, was found dead at a London hotel today. He had been preparing to tour with a new show “David Gest Is Not Dead But Alive With Soul.” Guess maybe it wasn’t the best choice of title. #bustohell
Donald Trump is upset about the possibility about losing the GOP nomination despite having the most delegates. “The system, folks, is rigged. It’s a rigged, disgusting, dirty system.”
Now Trump doesn’t really have a problem with a rigged system, he’s just used to being the one doing the rigging.
And btw, who says the Spurs are boring? Though just guessing none of them will get a call anytime soon from #DWTS. https://twitter.com/spurs/status/719925467042582528/photo/1
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, Paul Ryan jokes, SFGiants jokes, Spurs jokes, Trevor Brown jokes, Trump jokes, xhamsterjokes
Comments: 6 Comments
April 10, 2016
Jordan Spieth’s 12th hole today at the #Masters might have been worst the few minutes for top golfer in recent history not involving an Escalade.
#SFGiants are heading to Denver, where rookie Trevor Story has hit 7h home runs in six games. Just guessing Giants’ hitters find this story a lot more fun than their pitching staff.
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So maybe it wasn’t so shocking that #SFGiants came back from a 5-0 deficit in the 1st. But that #Cueto went 7 and was winning pitcher?
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The Mets wear 1986 throwback jerseys today and promptly get beat by the #Phillies. Time to throw the jerseys back?
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Great, now the Warriors season “Running down Bulls record” is “sponsored by American Express. And some wonder why kids get the idea sports is all about money?
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T.J.Ward is the second player on the Denver Broncos to publicly support Johnny Manziel joining the team, saying he would welcome the QB with “open arms.” So this brings up a two-part question – how talented is Manziel and how toxic is Kaepernick?
I know #Yankees rule the #ESPN world, but in April might have been a good weekend to have #Dodgers #Giants be the #Sundaynightbaseball game. (Yankees Tigers were rained out.)
Arizona Cardinals coach Bruce Arians told coaches at a high school clinic that one of football’s biggest problems is “moms.” No joke. Saying our sport is “being attacked. It’s the best game that’s ever been f—ing invented. And we have to make sure that moms get the message, because that’s who’s afraid of our game right now. It’s not dads; it’s moms.”
Right, and the problem isn’t concussions either. Is Arians trying to prove he’s anti-woman enough to join the GOP race for President?
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Much talk now over an interview Laura Bush gave “I want our next president—whoever he or she might be—to be somebody who is interested in women in Afghanistan and who will continue U.S. policies, adding that person should “pay attention to our history, and know what’s happened before and know specifically how we can continue to do the good things that we do around the world.”
Some interpret her words as saying she will vote for Hillary Clinton. But hey, if Trump and Cruz are the GOP choices, say what you want about W., but no one ever accused Laura of being that conservative. Nor bat-sh*t crazy.
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A Politico article asks “Can GOP Elites Really Turn Back the Clock in Cleveland?” Meaning, can they pick a candidate who never entered the primaries. Although would it really be that surprising? Most of the candidates who are and have been in the primaries want to turn the clock back for women to the 19th century.
If elected, how long until Donald Trump outlaws the Boston Globe? 
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Dodgers jokes, Giants jokes, Manziel jokes, Masters jokes, spieth jokes
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April 7, 2016
Caught a five hour case of flu today. #Giantsfever. #BeatLA
#Dodgers team ERA for year just went from zero to over three in four innings #SFGiants #SFGiantsOpeningDay
San Diego heads to Coors Field without having scored a run in any of their first three games. Are the Padres trying to be the official MLB team of Coke Zero?
(Frank. W. says, “of course the Padres haven’t scored this season. Padres are supposed to be celibate.)
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Waiting for an atheist to file a “freedom from religion” lawsuit against playing “God Bless America” at baseball games #SFGiantsOpeningDay
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20,000 of Ivanka Trump’s branded scarves are being recalled due to a “burn risk.” But that’s not the interesting part, the Donald’s daughter has her scarves made in China. #onlylittlepeoplepaytariffs?
Wynn Resorts founder Steve Wynn reportedly told investors “Rich people only like being around rich people. Nobody likes being around poor people, especially poor people.” Hmm, is Wynn angling for a position in a possible Trump cabinet?
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Whole Foods is opening “Whole Foods 365” in Los Angeles this May. They say it will be their first “budget-friendly” store. So folks, we have a new nominee for 2016’s top oxymoron.
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In London, footage is circulating of a mysterious large shape apparently swimming in the Thames river, leading some to speculate about the Loch Ness Monster. It would of course, be inappropriate to make a Chris Christie on Spring Break joke.
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A recent poll found that Donald Trump is disliked by 7 out of 10 people. And Ted Cruz is thinking “amateur.”
Ted Cruz is not backing down from his “New York values” comment. Translation, Cruz knows he’ll lose New York and figures the criticism will help him in other states.
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Actually if Cruz really had the cojones to thumb his nose at New Yorkers he’d get photographed eating pizza with a fork.
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So all these Republicans who can’t stand Ted Cruz are supporting him because they hate Donald Trump more. Now, one question if he actually gets elected – how is the GOP going to find enough people to put up with him and serve in a Cruz cabinet?
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So the latest attack on Hillary Clinton is that she needed several swipes to get her Metrocard to work on the NY subway. You mean it’s possible to get it right on the first try?
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So I would take these “religious freedom” types much more seriously if, for example, before they served heterosexual couples they would require to prove they were married, to each other. And refused to bake wedding cakes for any couple who wouldn’t swear they were both virgins.
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Must be nice to be such a special snowflake that you can not only ignore the request on the train to turn cellphones to vibrate but you can keep a phone conversation going for a good 20 to 30 minutes. #sarcasm
#AmericanIdol reminds us on #IdolFinale of one reason the show is ending. #toomanywrongchoices #toomanyforgettablewinners
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cruz jokes, Giants jokes, god bless america jokes, Janice Hough, Padres jokes, SF Giants jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 6, 2016
So in 2016 what’s more likely in California? The #Warriors get to 73 wins? Or the #Padres get to 73 runs?
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#SDPadres are working on a three game scoreless streak to open 2016 season. Are they trying to become official #MLB team of #MLS Major League Soccer.
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Well, darn, the #SFGiants aren’t going to go 162-0. Probably better off not to tire them for the playoffs anyway.
Blue Jays manager John Gibbons complained after MLB’s new slide rule cost Toronto a run in a 5-3 loss to the Rays, “They’re trying to put dresses on us.” Uh, Gibbons, whine all you want. Then go watch “League of their Own” and find a new metaphor. #Theresnocryinginbaseball
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Rockies rookie SS Trevor Story is the first MLB player since 1900 to homer in his first three games. Even more amazing, Story hasn’t played at Coors Field yet.
Open note to @SenSanders & @HillaryClinton: Knock off the negativity. When #GOP is in a circus hole, stand back & watch them dig tent poles.
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Meanwhile, how powerful is #DonaldTrump? He’s managed to make #TedCruz seem like the more palatable GOP alternative.
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At a Texas elementary school, the principal has banned parents from setting foot on campus, meaning they can neither walk their kids to school nor pick them up, unless those parents wait in a long line in their cars. #ifonlytheywerearmed No, wait…. #cantfixstupid
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George Mason, whose law school wanted to honor the late Supreme Court Judge, has now switched its name to Antonin Scalia Law School. This after the internet pointed out the original change -the Antonin Scalia School of Law – was ASSLaw or ASSoL. Think they had it right the first time.
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No injuries were reported when Apple employee shuttle bus caught fire today on a freeway in Northern Calfornia at about 630a this morning. It’s actually a shocking story – there are computer geeks UP at 630a in the morning?
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Your daily dose of “blech”: Ann Coulter is now saying that Donald Trump will protect Americans from “Latin American rape culture.” Not sure which is harder to believe, that women would have affairs with Ted Cruz or that men of any culture would want Ann Coulter.
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Walt Disney World is now offering guests who pay an extra $69 per person ($59 for kids) the chance to enter the Magic Kingdom earlier and avoid some of the longest lines. Great, leaving aside the class divide aspect, now in the summer, we can look forward to even grouchier parents yelling at their hot and even tireder kids about how much money they spent and THEY.SHOULD.BE.HAVING.FUN.DAMMIT
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United Airlines is celebrating their 90th birthday. Curiously enough, that seems to be the same age as some of their planes.
Pfizer Inc, which had planned to avoid U.S. tax rates by merging with Allergan Plc, of Ireland, has scrapped the deal after the Treasury instituted new anti-inversion rules. I blame Obama.
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John Kasich can clinch the GOP nomination if he wins 125% of the remaining primary delegates. Well, math was always a liberal commie pinko concept anyway.
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In San Francisco, ParkingCupid, parking version of Airbnb is offering parking places in garages and driveways for up to $400 a month. At that price are customers allowed to sleep in their cars?
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Apple jokes, blue jays jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, MLB jokes, Padres jokes, primary jokes, scalia jokes, Texas jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 5, 2016
It’s only 1 game, but right this second #SFGiants not feeling too badly about losing out on Zack #Greinke & having to sign Johnny #Cueto
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Several Patriots fans are now suing the NFL and Roger Goodell over the league’s punishment for the Deflategate scandal. “Right, because that poor franchise never gets a break,” said nobody outside New England.
All the hype on Warriors network about upcoming #GoldenState #SanAntonio matchup Thurs. Right, Pop might even play one of #Spurs starters.
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In the first game of the season, Chase Utley has started another controversy with a slide that some thought was dirty at home plate. Well, if he makes a pattern of it, MLB won’t need a Chase Utley rule, as some pitcher will apply the Drysdale rule and put Utley on the DL.
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At Disneyland Paris, a worker was apparently electrocuted inside the Haunted Mansion ride. So sounds like they’ll have to update the French version of “999 happy haunts, but there’s always room for one more…” #Disneybustohell
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RNC Chairman Reince Priebus is now warning Trump that the Donald made a loyalty pledge to the eventual GOP Presidential nominee. Right, like that’s going to make any difference to the man who three times has said “Until death do us part.”
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Despite watching major backlash in Georgia and North Carolina, Mississippi’s governor Phil Bryant today signed a law allowing businesses to refuse service to gay couples based on employers’ religious beliefs. Maybe because Bryant figured no one from outside the state wants to do business or visit Mississippi anyhow?
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A man was arrested in Atherton, California for vandalism and trespassing after he spray-painted graffiti at various locations around town. Police were able to figure out it was him because the graffiti all included his NAME. #cantfixstupid
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In Alabama, a bipartisan group of legislators is moving to impeach Gov. Robert Bentley over a sex scandal over leaked tapes of his conversations with a female aide. Bentley is maintaining that despite the explicit nature of the tapes, that he never actually committed adultery. So the Governor’s DEFENSE is that he’s another politician who is all talk and no action.
A tale of two approaches to America’s problems. President Obama and the Treasury Dept are proposing tighting regulations on billion dollar corporate tax inversions, and Trump is going to build a wall by stopping poor illegals from sending some of their low wages back to Mexico.
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There’s a fair amount of media attention being paid to Bernie Sanders’ recent interview with the NY Daily News, during which he dodged questions, gave a lot of vague answers, and acted generally rather unaware. Well, maybe it’s all part of Bernie’s plan to go after Trump voters.
From Alex Kaseberg “North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-Un, has reportedly ballooned to over 300 pounds. He may have to change his name to Kim Jong-Christie.
(I’m thinking, or maybe Kim Jong-Un’s goal is to play third base for the Red Sox?)
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, baseball jokes, Giants jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, sanders jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
September 16, 2015
Marshawn Lynch’s mom has posted on Facebook that she thinks the Seahawks offensive coordination is “the worst play caller ever, ” and should be fired. Maybe beginning to see why Lynch keeps his mouth shut.
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In a game where the entire #SFGiants bullpen seemed to be trying to outdo each other with a sucking contest, the Giants did come back, twice, from being 3 runs down. #Rallyskeeter. Almost a win. But they can’t say “We’re going to need a bigger cat.”
So a PAC supporting Jeb Bush has released a video touting Bush’s optimism about America, which features a sun rising in a field, with the message “choose a brighter path.” Nice. Except the field is in Cornwall, England. The video is titled “Bright.” #andjebissupposedtobethebrightone.
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The FDA has banned sales of four cigarette brands from R.J. Reynolds for not meeting safety review requirements. Shocking. Cigarettes HAVE safety requirements?:
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North Korea is now threatening the US with nuclear attack, saying they are ready to use weapons “at any time.” So assume there’s a Playstation involved?
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A just released video from last night video shows three SF 49ers fans beating a Minnesota Vikings fan outside Levi’s. So much for those who thought the Candlestick crowd wouldn’t make it down to the new stadium.
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Carly Fiorina cut 30,000 jobs when she was at HP. Current CEO Meg Whitman has cut 55,000 and now may cut another 30,000 more. Is Meg trying to make her fellow Republican look good by comparison?
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The University of Texas has fired their athletic director. The real reason can be explained in four words: the football team sucks.
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Gary Busey has endorsed Donald Trump for President. Thinking the Donald probably already had 98% of the people who are crazy enough to care about Busey’s endorsement.
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Marco Rubio started at Tarkio College in Missouri on a football scholarship, then went to Santa Fe Community College, then finally ended up at the University of Florida for his bachelor’s degree. Yesterday he said in Iowa, “Look, I don’t have anything against Florida State. I think there has to be a school where people who can’t get into Florida can go to college.”
Is Rubio trying to prove he’s enough of an overgrown frat boy to be Trump’s running mate?
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Bobby Jindal’s latest – ” Donald Trump is a madman who must be stopped,” Almost makes you wish Jindal was at the grown ups table for the prime-time debate tomorrow, just to see him and the Donald face off.,
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A new Korean study found that antibacterial soaps are no more effective than plain soap at killing germs, as the active ingredient only makes a difference after 9 hours.
Let’s hope OCD folks don’t see this and make 9 hours a goal.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bush jokes, Fiorina jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Lynch jokes
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July 22, 2015
In April, a federal appeals court overturned Barry Bonds’ obstruction of justice conviction. Today, ending an almost 10 year battle, the U.S. Department of Justice announced they will not ask for a review with the U.S. Supreme Court and are ending the case.
What? Reluctance to spend more taxpayer dollars on this vital issue? #IblameObama
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As we await the potential release of client names from Ashley Madison is it wrong to wonder how many of these spouses met on Christianmingle.com?
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Mississippi State suspended CB Justin Cox for the last three games in 2014 after he was arrested for alleged aggravated domestic violence and burglary. The charges were dropped, and Cox signed with the KC Chiefs.
Yesterday he was arrested again on charges of burglary of a residence, aggravated domestic assault and trespassing. #Cantfixstupid
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Now that Becky Hammon has coached the Spurs to an Summer League Championship, wonder if some NBA team might make an offer to a proven winner like Tara Vanderveer. #GoStanford
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But hey, it was summer league…. what does that show? Well, in 2013 Jason Kidd had his first head coaching gig in Las Vegas and his Nets made the playoffs. Then last year another guy made his coaching debut … name of Steve Kerr. Turned out to be ok.
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Today at a campaign event Donald Trump attacked Lindsey Graham and then gave out the Graham’s personal cell phone number. Not sure if Trump really wants to be President, but he’s doing well in his question to become the Republican party’s most hated person not named Clinton.
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Roger Goodell says there is no timeline on Tom Brady’s suspension appeal, and that they are “being very thorough.” Does the NFL commission have one of Bud Selig’s “Blue Ribbon” committees working on it?
The SF Giants’ Tim Lincecum has been diagnosed with a degenerative hip condition. No doubt after he got the diagnosis Timmy had one question – “Medical marijuana?”
For anyone watching the SF Giants game, Padres pitcher Dale Thayer threw that gum better than he threw that bases-loaded pitch to Hector Sanchez.
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Giants catcher Hector Sanchez, just recalled from AAA, hit a grand slam for the SFGiants. Just guessing that that he was really really tired of playing in Sacramento. #SFGiants
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A Florida gun shop owner has declared his store a “Muslim-free zone” after the latest mass murders in Tennessee, to ensure “the safety of his fellow patriots” And he announced the decision in front of a Confederate flag. So I guess he would have had no problem selling a gun to the Charleston killer?
Would love to see what would happen if a very large African American man with a lot of tattoos walked into his store looking to buy guns. Especially if one of those tattoos was of a bible verse.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Ashley madison jokes, becky hammon, Confederate flag jokes, Donald Trump jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 15, 2015
“I am shocked”. Said absolutely no one. #AaronHernandez.
Turns out the person who most needed an #NFL team in #LosAngeles was Aaron Hernandez.
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Aaron Hernandez actually looked surprised when he was found guilty of murder. Was he counting on talking to OJ for advice on finding the real killers
Now that Aaron Hernandez has been found guilty, will they try him for those other two murders? Guessing the Patriots regrettably have given up on pinning him with those under-inflated balls.
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Cleveland Browns coach Mike Pettine on drafting Johnny Manziel. “We had the information that everyone else in the league had. It’s easy to look back now and say ‘What did you miss?”. And even Captain Obvious is snickering, “Really?!”
Actual warning on a frozen pizza “Not ready to eat. Cook before serving.” #cantfixstupid
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But the winner is. A New York man found bedbugs in his rental car. Someone apparently told him he could kill them by saturating them with alcohol. Which he did. And then sat in the car and lit a cigarette. Did kill the bugs. And the car. First and second-degree burns for him. Plus the #cantfixstupid award for the week. So far.
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Kim Kardashian has an actual book coming out May 5. It’s a collection of selfies titlled “Selfish.”. Give her credit for truth in advertising.
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Okay, who else saw the headline about a man arrested for landing a helicopter on the Capitol lawn and thought. “Secret service joyride?”
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United Airlines is offering Mileage Plus members the chance to use their miles to attend a batting practice event with the Los Angeles Dodgers. The way the SF Giants are hitting, they might have a similar event and make it a tryout.
The Cleveland Browns unveiled new uniforms yesterday, with nine different jersey combinations. Team president Alec Scheiner. “We could be like Oregon of the NFL.” Like “Oregon?” Meaning almost but not quite good enough to win the BCS championship?
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In Hillsborough County, Florida, near Tampa, the sheriff’s office has shut down a training school for “top earning exotic dancers and models.” after complaints of loud noise and late parties. Shame. Might have actually been classrooms where they could have gotten a lot of the state’s “student-athletes” to attend.
Cheryl Rios, CEO of “Go Ape Marketing” in Dallas, posted that she thought women could run business but didn’t think a woman should ever lead a country., “‘With the hormones we have, there is no way [a woman] should be able to start a war.” And said she would move to Canada if Hillary Clinton became president.
Not that Canada would take her, but at least Rios didn’t threaten to move to England. #cantfixstupid
“Not with a bang but a whimper.” Was T.S. Eliot thinking about the Lakers, who are putting an exclamation point on their lost season with a loss at home to… .Sacramento?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Aaron Hernandez jokes, Browns jokes, Giants jokes, Hernandez guilty jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, secret service jokes
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April 12, 2015
Congrats to Masters’ champion Jordan Spieth. And how young is Jordan? The first people he hugs after his win are his parents.
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Arlo Guthrie is on a “50th Anniversary Alice’s Restaurant Tour.” Well, now you can still get anything you want, if you can remember what it is you wanted.
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Hillary Clinton today announced her candidacy for the Presidency. The speech was sponsored by Captain Obvious.
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Pence, Ishikawa, Cain, Peavy, Belt… Now the latest SF Giant to get injured this year was Casey McGehee last night with a strained knee. Has someone informed the team that “Eight Men Out” is not a desired goal for the home opener?
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The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim seem determined to dump Josh Hamilton. Well, if they’d eat most of his salary maybe the SF Giants should take a chance on him? #poweroutage
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The NY Knicks and Orlando Magic, both lottery teams, combined for 15 points in the second quarter of Saturday night’s game. 15 points combined. Not a typo. And more than a few college one-and-dones suddenly thought, maybe staying in school another year doesn’t sound that bad.
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Anneget Raunigk, 65, of Berlin, already has 13 children, and is now 21 weeks pregnant with quadruplets, using donated sperm and eggs. Even the Octomom is thinking “Is she nuts?”
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On a brighter note, Raunigk should be transitioning to diapers about the same time she trains her toddlers out of them.
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Overhead (for real) at farmer’s market. Woman runs up to husband “Why are you in line here?”. He says “It was a long line. Figured their stuff must be good.”.
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There was a “fatal incident” Sunday at the Richard Petty Driving Experience at Walt Disney World in Orlando. The attraction, which was scheduled to close in late June anyway, allows tours to drive NASCAR at speeds of up to 165 mph. Let’s hope the victim wasn’t texting at the time.
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Rand Paul today, “Some of the hawks in my party, you can’t find a place on the globe they don’t want boots on the ground.” For a guy who can be bat sh*t crazy, Paul does have these astonishing moments of making sense.
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In Cleveland, a 3-year-old child apparently fatally shot a 1-year-old boy in the face. If only the baby had been armed.
A 2 year-old who fell into the Cleveland Zoo’s cheetah enclosure after being dangled over the edge by his parents is recovering. Apparently mom and dad went into the exhibit to rescue him, but as a local TV station reported “the cheetahs made no attempt to interact with the child or the child’s parents.” Making the big cats in this case, much smarter than the humans. #Cantfixstupid
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Marc Ragovin, “What a remarkable display of golf at the Master’s. It left me …. Spiethless”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, age jokes, Giants jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, Jordan Spieth jokes, Knicks jokes, Masters jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 11, 2015
Eight errors for New York so far in five games. Time to refer to them as the YankEEEEEs?
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So the Red Sox and Yankees, after 19 innings Friday night, had the early game Saturday night for national television. Wonder how many people on the the East Coast went to bed, woke up and thought “My gawd, they’re STILL playing.”
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That 19 innings for the Red Sox and Yankees Friday lasted seven hours and five minutes, including a 16 minute power outage delay. And somewhere George Steinbrenner is thinking “Seven hours? Why I hired and fired Billy Martin fast than that.”
The NY Yankees are trying to void $6 million contract bonuses for A-Rod for each person he passes on the all-time home run list, saying they are no longer “milestones”, and they are prepared to go to arbitration over it. This could end up better than “The War of the Roses.”
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Forget about hearts in San Francisco. The 2015 Giants appear to have left their bats in Arizona.
So the Atlanta Braves put a punctuation mark on their rebuilding year by trading All-Star closer Craig Kimbrel before the season even started. And they are now, 5-0?! #Itsafunnygame
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Okay, so #Madbum is 1-1 with a 5.40 ERA. #Kershaw is 0-1 with a 5.84 ERA. #Giants #Dodgers #Miserylovescompany
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Providence beats BU 4-3 in the #FrozenFour final. But who but me hears “Frozen Four” and thinks of the last #SFGiants fans left during most late weeknight games at Candlestick.
And wonder how many parents hear “Frozen Four” and think ‘Dear Gawd, not MORE sequels.”
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Tiger Woods may or may not ever get back to the top of the golf world, and he may still have the biggest galleries. But Woods will never be as beloved as Phil Mickelson.
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Tiger Woods teaching his children not to swear would be kind of like Madonna trying to teach her children to dress appropriately.
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The Yankees are now 1-4. Of course, it’s early times, but how long until New Yorkers start looking forward to the Jets season?
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Why should the Yankees get all the headlines? – MLB announced that Mets closer Jenrry Mejia has been suspended 80 games after testing positive for stanozolol.
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Mets closer Mejia “I know the rules are the rules and I will accept my punishment, but I can honestly say I have no idea how a banned substance ended up in my system.” Got to be tempting for MLB to offer a 50% reduction in suspension to the first guy who says “I admit it, I blew it, they caught me.”
From Marc Ragovin – “Reuben Flores of the NY Mets is the very definition of a shortstop. He stops the ball and all of his throws come up short.:
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From Gary Bachman; “There’s a campaign to put a woman on the twenty dollar bill. And ‘In God We Trust’ will be replaced by “You Go Girl.'”
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For those at FOX who want to get a jump on head explosions in advance of Hillary’s announcement tomorrow: “In my opinion, President Obama is an honest man.” Raul Castro.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Frozen Four jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Masters jokes, Mejia jokes, Mets jokes, Red Sox jokes, Tiger Woods jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
December 10, 2014
A storm expected to wreak havoc in California is dubbed the “Pineapple Express” , because the rain comes directly from Hawaii to the West Coast. Okay, so clearly this one we can blame on Obama.
Schools in San Francisco, Marin and Oakland are closing tomorrow in anticipation of a big rain storm. Well, this should do wonders for the West Coast’s “soft” reputation.
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Got to love this factoid from the SF Chronicle’s John Shea about Madison Bumgarner going to New York to accept the SI “Sportsman of the Year” award: He went out and got a suit for the occasion.
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The House and Senate are about to approve multiplying by 10 the amount of money a person can contribute to a national political party from $32,400 to $324,000, and up to $648,000 in two years. Great, because that’s a major problem in Washington D.C., not enough money in elections….
Kate and William dazzled in New York this week. I know we got our independence and all that from Britain, but just imagine getting our regular celebrity fix from them instead of the Kardashians.
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The NFL’s new personal conduct policy says “A suspension of six games without pay for violations involving assault, sexual assault, battery, domestic violence, child abuse and other forms of family violence will be in effect, but with consideration given to mitigating or aggravating circumstances.” “Mitigating circumstances” like being a superstar on a playoff bound team or being an owner?
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The #LADodgers have acquired #JimmyRollins in a trade to be their starting shortstop. Even Vin Scully is saying “Isn’t he a bit old?”
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So many players and front office staff think they can break the Cubs 106 year old jinx? Female sports fans aren’t surprised – these same men probably think they can win an argument with a woman.
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Scott Boras said he would love for the SF Giants to enter the bidding for Max Scherzer. With all due respect, is there any team Boras wouldn’t want to enter the bidding, as long as they bring plenty of $$$?
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ESPN headline “Transcript shows inconsistencies in Goodell’s testimony on Rice matter.” I’m shocked, said absolutely positively no one.
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From my funny friend Jim Barach “Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn says that athletes and rock stars are exploiting loopholes to avoid paying taxes. Apparently the Senator is upset that those loopholes were intended to be used only by business people who donate the money they save to their congressmen.”
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A Harvard professor is demanding the town of Brookline intervene in his fight with a local Chinese restaurant who he claims charged him $1 too much on each of 4 items. Yes, a $4 overcharge. The restaurant said their website was out of date.) Thereby proving Kissinger right again about academics.
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Some wonder why big-name free agents don’t want to sign with the #SFGiants after three World Series rings. One thought, a lot of stars want to be legendary heroes. On the Giants, first it’s all about team, second you have to stand in line for the hero title.
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Rick Perry said today “People expect me to run for President.” Not sure about that. But comedy writers are praying for it.
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Message from Stanford about the Foster Farms Bowl. ” Fans who buy tickets through Stanford Athletics will be seated in the designated Stanford section and helps support 900+ student-athletes.” Translation, we expect about 500 folks from Maryland to show up and so the bowl will probably be discounting tickets on Groupon, but please help us fill our allotment.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Congress jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, madison bumgarner jokes, NFL jokes, Prince William and Kate jokes, storm jokes
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December 8, 2014
The Browns may start Johnny Manziel at QB Sunday over Brian Hoyer against Cincinnati. Makes some sense. If Cleveland can’t make the playoffs, they’ll be at least more likely to make ESPN headlines.
William and Kate are on their first visit to New York City. Wonder if the Prince at some point has leaned over to his wife and whispered “Thank God this all isn’t our problem anymore.”
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Damn. Apparently a security guard was shot and seriously wounded during an post-game argument between 49ers and Raiders fans outside a San Jose bar. Well, it’s a good thing for public safety neither team’s fans will have anything to argue about during the playoffs.
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Well, all he did was basically show you can win a World Series with one starting pitcher. Even if he didn’t get a hit himself. Congrats Madison Bumgarner, Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year.
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At time of posting, reportedly Jon Lester is deciding between offers from the Chicago Cubs and the SF Giants. Wonder if the Giants would do something dastardly, like sending Lester videos of games when the wind is blowing out at Wrigley Field?
34 years ago tonight was really the day “the music died”, as John Lennon was fatally shot in New York. Harder to believe for many of us, people who were born after Lennon’s murder, are old enough to have children who know the Beatles music. #Timeswingedchariot
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After Oakland’s upset 23-14 win over SF, Raiders LB Sio Moore took to Instagram to refer to Colin Kaepernick as a “Freakin chump.” Not a huge Kap fan, but maybe Moore should be a little more restrained with his trash talking, considering his team is still 2-11.
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Not that I’m generally a soccer fan, but congratulations to the LA Galaxy on winning the MLS Cup. Guess having Robbie Rogers, who is openly gay, on the team, didn’t hurt the locker room too much.
A massive fire in a residential complex under construction basically shut down the 101 and 110 in Los Angeles Monday morning. So for commuters on those freeways it was basically a Monday commute as usual.
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Ralph Baer,,92, who invented the world’s first video game console, has died. In his honor, mourners at his funeral will spend the entire service playing on their smartphones.
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Baylor coach Art Briles is complaining about no Big 12 team in the College Football Playoff. And five power conferences, four playoff teams was always going to be a problem. But just maybe the Bears might want to up their non-conference schedule from Buffalo, SMU and Northwestern State. (The NY Jets might be available.)
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, college football jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, playoff jokes, Raiders jokes, William and Kate jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 23, 2014
“Experts” haven’t done very well with MLB postseason predictions. Though many of them are now confidently predicting that either the winner of game 1 or game 2 will end up World Series Champions.
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It’s not just baseball. USA Today announced their seven experts’ picks for this weekend in the NFL, along with their pre-season predictions for the Super Bowl. The picks? Two for the Patriots, two for the Seahawks, two for the Saints and one for the Packers. #throwingdarts?
In a Chevrolet commercial Mo’ne Davis talks about being a girl and throwing 70 mph. And somewhere Barry Zito is just weeping.
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So ratings are down for the World Series? Bummer for FOX. Of course, they could have done something radical like actually showing more than a few playoff games earlier this October on network television.
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Careerbuilders just released their list of the year’s Top 10 ridiculous excuses for calling in sick. #2. “Employee caught their uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry.” And millions of Americans are thinking “Wow, okay, so you can’t do that?”
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Dogs tackled the latest White House fence jumper and police were able to arrest him. Hmm, if the Secret Service just upgrades the dog commands from “stop” we might have fewer security breaches and a reduced K-9 pet food bill.
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Michigan announced that their 2015 student season passes to all football games, now $280, will be $175. And many fans responded, “You’re paying us, right?”
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South Carolina House Speaker Bobby Harrell resigned today after pleading guilty to six counts of misconduct in office charges over taking campaign money for his personal use. The former speaker received a suspended sentence with probation and must pay the the $93,958 back plus a $30,000 fine. $93,958?!!. Theft of over $2000 is felony grand larceny in the state. So who does Harrell think he is, a football player?
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Oscar Pistorius is apparently crying himself to sleep in prison. “I feel so sorry for him.” said nobody.
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A Delta airplane and a Delta Connection plane clipped wings at Minneapolis Airport while one was taxiing and the other was backing out from the gate. No injuries, and the airline responded ” Safety is always Delta’s top priority.” Well, maybe second from the top, after saving money by outsourcing ground personnel jobs to near minimum wage workers.
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Lakers president Jeanie Buss says “Any free agent that would be afraid to play with Kobe Bryant is probably a loser.” Well, at this point either that or said player might have some crazy dream of going to the NBA playoffs.
Another thought about this substitute teacher accused of having sex with a high school student. Times have changed. Most fun we had in our day with a substitute was games with fake names for attendance. Mickey Mouse, Ima Nutt, etc. And the famous Dick Hertz. (Which would lead to the roll call and no one answering… then if we were lucky “Okay, who’s Dick Hertz?”) #TBT
Reports are that Steve Nash will be out for the entire 2014-15 NBA season with nerve issues. Shocking. You mean Steve Nash hasn’t already retired?
The first #Ebola case has been diagnosed in in #NewYorkCity. Uh oh, this could mean a media frenzy.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Fox jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Pistorious jokes, Steve Nash jokes, White House jokes, World Series jokes
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October 23, 2014
Would really be worth watching the in-game interviews if one day some ball player snaps and just says “STFU with the stupid questions and let’s just watch the game.” #WorldSeries
On a brighter note for #SFGiants #Posey wasn’t thrown out again at the plate tonight. #WorldSeries
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Giants reliever Hunter Strickland got into a shouting match with Royals catcher Santiago Perez. FOX was really disappointed. Had it escalated into a full scale brawl ratings would have been better.
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But okay, . So before game 1, the Royals seemed to be clear favorites with a bullpen that made the 7-9th innings irrelevant. Then it was going to be a Giants sweep. Tonight “the pesky Kansas City Royals fought back from a Game 1 flop to beat the San Francisco Giants’ brilliant bullpen.” ESPN and FOX analysis makes Brett Favre look decisive.
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#whythereisnosatire In 2015, Camel cigarette maker Reynolds American Inc. will start prohibiting the use of cigarettes, cigars or pipes in the company’s offices, conference rooms and elevators.
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Safari bookings in Kenya have apparently dropped up to 70% because of Ebola fears. Despite the fact that Kenya is over 3000 miles from Liberia. This is as if overseas tourists started avoiding New York because of earthquake fears in California. #lookataglobepeople!
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The new President and COO of Norwegian Cruise line came from Darden, where he was COO of Olive Garden restaurants. Well, that ought to do wonders for the image of cruise ships having mediocre food.
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Who says football isn’t educational. The Florida Gators have replaced their starting QB with a true freshman. And a number of players now may learn the historical story behind the phrase “replacing deck chairs on the Titanic.
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The NCAA just stated that the Mo’ne Davis’s Chevy commercial won’t affect her amateur status should the 13 year old want to play college sports. The statement concludes “While this situation is unusual, the flexible approach utilized in this decision is not.” In other words, we want to be at least as fair to Mo’ne as we would be to an SEC Heisman winner.
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A judge ruled that Roger Goodell must testify at the hearing on Ray Rice’s appeal of his indefinite suspension. So that will settle it, when he gets asked direct questions, why would anyone doubt Goodell’s honesty?
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Kim Kardashian, in an interview with ES magazine on daughter North West ‘She will have to work for what she wants’, just like Kim herself did. And she said it with a straight face.
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-In Washington, D.C., a 22 year-old substitute teacher allegedly had sex with a football player student, 17, on her first day of school. Wow. And here some say substitutes can never match up to regular teachers.
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How can you really top some statements with a punchline? Fox News’ Kimberly Guilfoyle, saying that young women don’t have the proper “life experience” such as having kids and paying bills that allows older women to make informed decisions, whether in the voting booth or the courtroom. “They’re like healthy and hot and running around without a care in the world, so they should be “excused” so “they can go back on Tinder or Match.com.”
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From Bill Littlejohn “Report–Texas is to pay scholarship athletes 10K per year.Why the pay cut?”
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Finally on a serious note, one of those times you hope there is a hell. Because there should be a special circle of it for someone who shoots an unarmed soldier guarding a war memorial. #Ottawa.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Ebola jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, NCAA jokes. Mo'ne Davis jokes, Strickland jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 29, 2014
Rand Paul, at the Urban League in Cincinnati, claimed solidarity with minorities because you can be unjustly accused “because of the color of your skin, or the shade of your ideology.” Can we title this speech “Fifty Shades of Stupid”?
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Tweet from Drew Brees “On Friday I said I thought I could play til age 45. I have been “randomly” selected for drug tests the last 2 days. What’s up with that! Lol.” Wonder if the NFL was testing him for PED’s or hallucinogens?
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NFL VP of Policy Adolpho Birch defending Ray Rice’s two game suspension. “So in terms of sending a message about what the league stands for, we’ve done that.” Yep. They have. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$.
Cowboys GM Jerry Jones says now that he almost drafted Johnny Manziel. But maybe he decided that there wasn’t room at A T & T Stadium for both their egos?
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New NY Giants QB coach Danny Langsdorf thinks Eli Manning could complete 70 percent of his passes in 2014. In related news, the NY Mets are printing playoff tickets.
A judge ruled today that Shelly Sterling can go ahead with the sale of the Clippers. Which means the nightmare is over. And if you believe that, the Brooklyn Bridge is on a Macy’s One Day Sale tomorrow.
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Stephen A Smith made yet another apology for his domestic violence comments last week. Better, although taped but not live. Here’s a suggestion for the ESPN commentator in future. Want not to “provoke?” Stick to sports and otherwise STFU.
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Near Tampa, a pregnant woman was shot in the head and died, along with the baby she was carrying. Apparently it was an accident when a friend was showing her and her husband his gun collection. If only the fetus had been armed.
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Dollar Tree is buying their competitor Family Dollar Stores. Assume that means they will immediately raise all prices to two dollars.
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Seven members of U.S. Congress are trying to broker a deal between Time Warner Cable and other cable channels so that 70% of the LA market that is currently blacked out can see Dodger games. Where’s the outrage from anti-government Southern California conservatives?
An auction house expects an autographed 2012 game-used Texas A & M jersey from Johnny Manziel will go for at least $100,000. And a good thing too. Now that A & M is in the SEC they need the money to pay future players.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Mets jokes, NFL jokes, political jokes, Shades of Grey jokes
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June 30, 2014
Thinking anyone who is asking or sneaking off from work Tues.to watch USA vs. Belgium should be able to name 2 players on USA Team #WorldCup
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Charming. Waffle House now says that since the U.S. is playing Belgium tomorrow “We support a boycott on Belgian Waffles. We support America. We don’t support Belgian Waffles.” Except that actually in Belgium they have Brussels Waffles and Liege Waffles. Not “Belgian.” And the food that originated in Belgium that Americans really love is French Fries. #nojoke
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Regarding this call for a boycott of Belgian waffles. We’d find out how little Americans, particularly women, care about the World Cup if the call instead had been for a boycott of Belgian chocolate. #priorities.
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The U.S soccer coach apparently thinks Belgium will have an advantage tomorrow with the Algerian referee. Because the U.S. helped eliminate Algeria last time and because the ref speaks French. And how many Americans are thinking “Well, at least he doesn’t speak Belgian?”
Apparently thousands of bags were lost and/or delayed by British Airways at Heathrow last weekend. Thousands. And U.S. airlines accused British Airways of bragging.
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So the Supreme Court has ruled for Hobby Lobby. Ready for the first business to sue demanding not to cover Viagra, unless the man is married to a woman of childbearing age. (And not while that woman is pregnant.) And for that matter, why cover vasectomies at all?
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I guess I missed the part in American History when “Freedom of Religion” became “Freedom to Follow MY Religion?” #SCOTUS
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Today’s Supreme Court decision applies to “closely-held” corporations. So if you’re a woman considering working a small business, check the owners’ bumper stickers.
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The emergency evacuation slide on a United Airlines flight from Chicago to Orange County, California accidentally deployed Sunday night, and the plane was diverted to Wichita, Kansas. United is being generous, however, in giving affected passengers free hotel rooms, and waiving their slide fee.
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Lebron James has informed teams that he wants nothing less than the maximum salary for 2014-5, which is projected to be $22.2 million. Because surrounding a few stars with bargain basement players worked out so well this season?
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A new survey found that 47% of U.S. adults said they wouldn’t last 24 hours without their smart phones. The other 53% were no doubt too wrapped up in their phones to answer the survey.
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Someone leaded details of the Houston Astros’ trade discussions to a data sharing website. The team is said to be furious, but come on, who’s going to try to steal negotiation secrets from the Astros?
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Okay, how many casual BayArea fans heard “walk off grand slam loss” and assumed #SFGIants instead of #OaklandAs
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And yes, it is wrong to rejoice in the misery of others. But my first team when I was 8 was the Detroit Tigers, and I have hated the As since they knocked “my” Tigers out of the World Series in 1972. So it’s not just me being an #SFGIants fan that really enjoyed Rajai Davis’s walkoff grand slam.
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General Motors has recalled over 39 million cars this year. Wow. Who knew GM had sold over 39 million cars?
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The San Diego Padres beat the Cincinnati Reds 1-0 today, despite getting only one hit. Not surprising that the Reds – or Padres – hitting was that bad. But how did Cincinnati sweep 4 games from the SFGiants? #automaticnoclutch
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #scotus jokes, Belgium jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Supreme Court jokes, United jokes, World Cup jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
April 17, 2014
Anyone who says April baseball is boring isn’t paying attention. #Giants #Dodgers
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Four and a half minutes for instant replay to decide a call stands in tonight’s Giants Dodgers game? How long until the instant replay breaks are “brought to you by….”?
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Josh Hamilton and Mike Napoli both have injured themselves on head-first slides, and Gregor Blanco got away with one Tuesday night in SF. Have any of them noticed that NO ONE at the NFL combine finishes the 40 yard dash with a dive?
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The NBA Bucks have been sold, to new owners who say they will keep the team in Milwaukee. Of course this could partly be because no one else wants them.
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Bud Selig called MLB’s instant replay rollout “remarkable” and said “we’ve had really very little controversy overall.” Presume the commissioner reiterated that the steroid era is over.
(from my friend Lindol, “I’ll have what he’s having.”)
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In the #Marlins rotation, Slowey will replace Hand. Does this even need a punchline?
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British PM David Cameron has been photographed enjoying himself on vacation in the Canary Islands at a topless beach. And President Obama no doubt got a call offering to assist with U.S. – England relations from Bill Clinton.
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A missing Nebraska toddler was found safe and sound INSIDE a toy claw game machine. Apparently he wanted the stuffed toys inside and managed to squeeze his way through the prize slot. Good thing the slot is small or this story might have given a number of frat boys ideas.
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At online betting site, Bovada, Tiger Woods, at 10-1, is a co-favorite with Rory McIlroy to win the U.S. Open in June. Even though Woods probably won’t play in the U.S. Open. Guess he’s the only name a lot of bettors know?
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As the NBA season ends, remember “2014” as the answer to win a future bar bet. As in the 1st year ever the Lakers, Knicks and Celtics will all miss the playoffs.
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A United flight from JFK to Dulles was evacuated today after a Twitter post said there was a bomb on board. Silly. For that short a flight there wasn’t even time fpr a GOOD inflight movie.
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The story out of South Korea with that ferry gets worse and worse. Who have ever thought the Costa Concordia would look like a model evacuation by comparison?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Dodger jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough
Comments: 2 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 