Records, records, who’s got records?

Congrats to the Warriors on 73 wins. Klay Thompson was asked yesterday if the team would celebrate with champagne “Absolutely not You’ve got to save that till June, man. I mean, you might have a glass of wine after the game, but that’s about it.”
And the rest of the teams in the Western Conference playoffs are thinking, “Are you kidding, a week-long all-night party would be more appropriate.”

Open note to ‪#‎Warriors‬ fans, the wave is for when team sucks & there’s nothing better to do. Or when you’re ‪#‎Dodgers‬ or ‪#‎As‬ fans ‪#‎stayclassy‬


Kobe Bryant, 20 years with the Lakers. Impressive. Tim Duncan, 19 years with the Spurs – impressive. More impressive, Duncan has structured his contract and play to help his team still be relevant. ‪#‎thequietfarewelltourkeepsontouring‬

Warriors set record for NBA regular season wins. Many casual sports fans thinking “The NBA HAS a regular season?” ‪#‎only2monthsuntilfinals‬

Lots of fanfare for Kobe Bryant’s last game tonight. Probably just as well Bryant doesn’t have an heir apparent on the Lakers – might be too much to expect Kobe to pass anything, let along a torch.


‪#‎JakePeavy‬ started off the Giants game like a man who doesn’t want ‪#‎SF‬ Bay Area fans to have to decide between watching the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ & ‪#‎Warriors‬

Boston #‎RedSox‬ placed ‪#‎PabloSandoval‬ on the ‪#‎DL‬ with a left shoulder sprain. Possibly caused by too much repetitive motion with a fork?

#‎Braves‬ & ‪#‎Twins‬ play interleague games in July. So one of those teams will actually have to win games this ‪#‎MLB‬ season.

Not a good April to be an Braves fan. The team is winless, and for those who say, “cheer up, it could be worse,” Atlanta outfielder Hector Olivera was arrested after a woman at the Ritz Carlton just outside D.C. called 911 to say he had assaulted her. Yeah, it just got worse.

The Sacramento Kings will apparently fire George Karl as the 33-48 team will miss the playoffs again. Their next coach will be their 10th since 2006-07. Somewhere even George Steinbrenner is thinking “Jeez, show a little patience.”


AMC’s CEO said he is considering allow patrons to text during movies. Well, this should help speed up the process of getting EVERYONE to watch movies at home instead of in theaters.

Harvard’s oldest exclusive club, The Porcellian, which is all-male, said in a statement to the Crimson (student newspaper):
“Forcing single gender organizations to accept members of the opposite sex could potentially increase, not decrease the potential for sexual misconduct.”
‪#‎Speechless‬ But proving once again, IQ points are no guarantee against ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬

Volvo has promised “death-proof” cars by 2020. So who needs a hospital when you’re sick – drive around in a Volvo and live forever?

Apparently the original Santana band is reuniting for the first time since 1973. So after 43 years they’ve either decided to let bygones be bygones…or they can’t remember why they broke up in the first place?

Ivanka Trump, blaming her inability to vote for her father on the state – “New York has one of the most onerous rules in terms of registration, and it required us to register a long time ago, almost — close to a year ago….(uh, actually you have to declare a party six months in advance.) Looks like the apple doesn’t whine far from the tree.

Many states’ voting rules seem designed to keep poor and uneducated people from voting. Kudos to New York for bucking the trend by apparently making it harder for rich and lazy people. ‪#‎Trumps‬


Congrats to Lynn Swann for getting the USC AD job. So what exactly are Swann’s qualifications though – he was a star Trojan football player and he hasn’t been arrested?

“Affluenza” teen Ethan Couch has been tentatively sentenced to a two-year jail term, although the judge gave Couch’s defense two weeks to make an argument for him to reconsider. Reconsider? As in maybe give him at least four years?-

Explore posts in the same categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

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3 Comments on “Records, records, who’s got records?”

  1. Berney Says:

    Breaking News: Panda strains shoulder lifting too many bowls of clam chowder to his mouth. Worst signing Redsox ever made? Guess he will always be a “Giant”. 😠

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