Archive for the ‘political jokes’ category
June 27, 2016
Iceland just knocked England out of the #Euro2016. This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to England since Thursday.
After England’s loss to Iceland, England soccer coach Roy Hodgson resigned immediately. And probably about five minutes before he was fired.
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Carmelo Anthony says he’s already trying to recruit Kevin Durant. Well, there are some advantages to the Knicks – lots of media attention, the city of New York, and the months of May and June off.
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A new Lenny Dykstra book coming out tomorrow is apparently so toxic that even Jose Canseco is saying “Dude, less is more.”
Rio de Janeiro’s governor said today that the Olympic Games could be a “big failure” What was his first clue?
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Monday was #NationalSunglassesDay. In Seattle they’re going “National what?”
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Today is #NationalSunglassesDay. In Seattle they’re going “National what?”
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Jacksonville Jaguars LB Dan Skuta was charged with first-degree battery for an incident last week in Orlando where he allegedly pushed a woman’s face “with an open hand into a glass window” at around 2:30 a.m. The woman had apparently talked to Skuta, but declined to give him her phone number.
How bad are the Jaguars? Bad enough that not only can’t they come close to .500, but players can’t even impress women?
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Two University of Texas freshmen who were moving out of their dorm found a hidden hold with antique items from the late 1950s, including pictures and empty beer cans. And presumably some still-fresh Twinkies.
The Supreme Court struck down Texas’s abortion law that would have closed most clinics in the state. More ammunition for “Texit?”
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Just to prove that stupidity is not confined to one political persuasion, someone -just guessing it might have been a man – at “the Daily Show” thought this was a funny tweet in response to today’s abortion ruling: “Celebrate the #SCOTUS ruling! Go knock someone up in Texas!”
Even though fewer than 10 out of 41 clinics would have remained with the laws the Supreme Court just struck down, the Texas state solicitor general had argued “over 90% of Texas women of reproductive age will live within 150 miles of an open abortion clinic. ”
Not that they’re equivalent, but wonder what would have been the reaction if a law had required Texas men to drive up to 150 miles for Viagra?
Of course abortion and Viagra are not equivalent. But on the other hand, Texas didn’t claim their law was to eliminate abortion, it was to “protect women’s health.” And even the ED drug ads say things like “if your heart is healthy enough for sex.”
So maybe Viagra-seeking men should indeed be required to go to a hospital.
Donald Trump just will not let go of this “Pocahontas” name-calling with Elizabeth Warren. But to be fair, maybe in another life, maybe that furry thing that lives on Trump’s head was a pelt.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #scotus jokes, brexit jokes, england jokes, iceland jokes, Janice Hough, Olympic jokes, Supreme Court jokes, Texas jokes
Comments: 8 Comments
June 26, 2016
Last night Madison Bumgarner gave up 3 runs. Today Johnny Cueto gave up 6 runs, Justin Verlander gave up 8 runs, and Clayton Kershaw gave up 4 runs. Okay, this really could be a sign of the apocalypse.
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On other hand, Sunday the Royals, Rangers, Orioles, Marlins, Indians, Twins, Angels, As, Dbacks, Rockies, Cardinals, Mariners, Giants and Phillies all have scored at least 6 runs. So maybe Kershaw’s four runs weren’t that bad.
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Congrats to Arizona and Coastal Carolina who will meet in the finals of the College World Series. Many people are thinkng “I didn’t know Coastal Carolina had a baseball team. Heck, many people are thinking, “I didn’t even know Coastal Carolina had a university.
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The Pittsburgh Pirates won three games from the LA Dodgers this weekend. No punchline, I just liked writing that. #SFGiants.
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Cubs’ ace Jake Arrieta, a TCU alum, apparently has to get a CCU tattoo after losing a bet to teammate Tommy La Stella, a Coastal Carolina alum, over the College World Series.
Uh, wouldn’t you think Arrieta is making enough money he could have risked something less painful like a car or a Rolex? #cantfixstupid
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Pete Rose was very emotional today at a ceremony the Cincinnati Reds had to retire his number. Wonder what odds he had gotten on it happening?
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Mitch McConnell when asked if Donald Trump is qualified for the presidency, said he’ll “leave that to the American people to decide.” Wait, don’t we elect Senators to make the tough decisions for us?
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In Lebanon, an endangered sea turtle is being treated by a rescue group after tourists dragged it out of the water, and apparently took selfies with it and beat it with sticks. Where is a great white shark when you really need one?
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Of course we knew that Palin would weigh in Brexit. Not only did she congratulate England but “America can learn an encouraging lesson from this.’It is time to dissolve political bands that connect us to agendas not in our best interest. May UN shackles be next on the chopping block,’
Uh, Sarah, even North Korea is part of the UN….
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SF Chronicle is reporting the story of a man whose North Beach apartment rent instantly jumped from $1,800 to $8000 a month. Many people will read this and go “That’s appalling.” Some San Franciscans will read this and go “You can get an apartment in North Beach for $8,000 a month?”
After #Chile‘s win over #Argentina in #COPA, Lionel #Messi says he is quitting the Argentina national team -#Messi-exit?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, College World Series jokes, copa jokes, Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, Kershaw jokes, Palin jokes, pete rose jokes, San Francisco jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 25, 2016
Northern Ireland lost to Wales in Euro 2016 on an own goal. That’s the worst self-inflicted misery in the UK since… Thursday.
Sunday is NASCAR Sonoma, and the Pride Parade in San Franciso. Now there are two events that I’m guessing do not have a lot of overlap.
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Fans in Cleveland have created a “Cleveland Indians Championship Parade.” And the Indians are actually in first place in the AL Central. Maybe God is taking pity on the city for hosting the GOP 2016 convention.
Haven’t been paying close attention to the #CollegeWorldSeries this year. So when were the Minnesota Twins eliminated?
Someone needs to tell #SFGiants offense that just because #MadisonBumgarner is pitching doesn’t mean they can take night off. #nosupport
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FOX News reported yesterday that Great Britain had voted to leave, not the EU, but the UN. Same difference, right? #sarcasm #nottheOnion
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#ballotremorse Over 1.6 million people in Britain have signed a petition for another E.U. referendum, basically a do-over. And a whole lot of U.S. GOP voters are going “you can do that?”
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#GeorgeWill has announced he has left the #GOP over #Trump. So who said Trump couldn’t bring about any real change?
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Ben Carson just called for a “civil discussion” about guns: “Let’s put on the table – what is the reason for the Second Amendment…And, is there a reason that we need to change those things right now.”
Wow. Sounds like someone’s given up on the idea of being Trump’s running mate.
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Donald Trump asked about his proposed Muslim ban by the UK Daily Mail.”‘I don’t want people coming in from the terror countries. You have terror countries.” Then, in the same interview “‘I don’t want them, unless they’re very, very strongly vetted.”
Once again, the Donald is running against himself.
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Evangelical author James Dobson says that “it’s fairly recent” but Donald Trump has accepted Jesus Christ. Ah, but has Jesus Christ accepted Donald Trump?
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In Texas, Christy Sheats, a mother and gun rights advocate, wrote a scathing Facebook post in March about Obama and gun control: “It would be horribly tragic if my ability to protect myself or my family were to be taken away.” Yesterday, Sheats was fatally shot by police after she shot and killed her 22 and 17 year old daughters.
Well, clearly the girls should have been armed.
From Bill Littlejohn “In the wake of her two year suspension, Maria Sharapova is going to attend Harvard Business School.The anti-doping panel in London calls it ‘Illegally Blonde’
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Ben Carson jokes, brexit jokes, College World Series jokes, Fox jokes, Janice Hough, madison bumgarner jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
June 24, 2016
F*ckmuppet might be the word of the year. Anyone want to start printing t-shirts?
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The Brexit vote won largely in Britain with over-60 year old voters. Younger Brits voted “remain”, but had a lower turnout.
Lesson for the younger generation of Americans, if you didn’t like your parents telling you what to do growing up, make damn sure you vote in November.
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You really cannot make this “stuff” up. Google reports that in Britain today the most Googled question was “What does it mean to leave the EU?” But the number TWO question – “What is the EU?” #cantfixstupid
A “Leave” voter interviewed by the BBC today: “I’m a bit shocked to be honest. I didn’t think that was going to happen. I didn’t think my vote was going to matter too much because I thought we were just going to remain.” And then he added that he was “quite worried.”
#facepalm #voteshaveconsequences
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California has been a bit of a laughing stock at times because of all the really important questions we put to a vote with often flawed and misunderstood propositions. But don’t think we’re going to top Britain.
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Well at least England doesn’t have to worry about any more heartbreaking losses in the Eurocup #BrexitVote
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Johnny Manziel’s lawyer accidentally sent a text to the AP which included this about a possible plea deal “Heaven help us if one of the conditions is to pee in a bottle.” Looking like Manziel’s judgment on lawyers is about as good as his judgment on everything else.
#SFGiants should really get a dispensation to open up beer sales again in any 9th inning where Casilla comes in.
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A traveler from New Orleans to Atlanta ended up being the only passenger on a 160-seat Delta plane, And Delta probably still charged him for an aisle seat.
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In Dallas more than 30 people have been treated for burns after Tony Robbins encouraged them to walk on hot coals as a way of conquering their fears. #andthesepeoplevote
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The Battle Creek Bombers, a minor league baseball team, is having “Second Amendment Education Night tonight, sponsored by a local gun dealer. Although guns will not be sold, the event will be “open carry.” Wonder if that includes the umpires.
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The RNC is having a giant picture of Lebron James across from Quicken Loans Arena, a favorite Cleveland spot for selfies, removed before their July convention. What a shame. It also might have been attendees only chance to get a picture featuring an African-American.
QB Tarvaris Jackson, an NFL free agent who was most recently Russell Wilson’s backup with the Seahawks, was arrested in Floriday for allegedly pointing a loaded gun at his wife and threatening to kill her. You know, that might be a little excessive even if Jackson hoped to get signed by the 49ers.
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Okay, Donald Trump is both praising the Brexit vote, and blaming Obama for it. Uh, if Brexit is a good thing, then shouldn’t Trump be giving the President not blame but credit? #logicisacommiepinkoconcepts
Taylor Swift, who just broke up with Calvin Harris, introduced her boyfriend of two weeks, British actor Tom Hiddleston, to her mom Thursday, and then flew with him Friday on her private jet to England to meet HIS mother. Well, the couple may not marry, but at least Swift should get a heck of a song out of it.,
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, brexit jokes, england jokes, eu jokes, Janice Hough, leave jokes, Manziel jokes, remain jokes, Trump jokes
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June 23, 2016
History books teach us that Henry VIII united England with Ireland and Wales, and James I/VI united England with Scotland. And now they may well teach us David Cameron and his referendum was the one who dissolved the UK. #cantfixstupid #Brexit
Many Tory MP’s in Britain signed letter saying Cameron had “a duty to stay on” after #Brexit. Right, like captain of Titanic after iceberg.
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#DonaldTrump has traveled to the UK at this time of #Brexit turmol, to visit…. his golf courses? #priorities #clueless
Donald Trump & many of his supporters have been in favor of #Brexit. As the UK economy already is taking a hit before daybreak, #becarefulwhatyouwishfor
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#DonaldTrump due to arrive in #Scotland this am after #Brexit. Too much to hope that he praises vote? (Scots voted strongly for #Remain)
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Gibraltar did vote to stay in the EU. Shocking many Americans who didn’t realize they were part of Britain. #Brexit.
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San Diego came in 2nd (to Buffalo) in a list of the 40 most depressing cities for sports fans. Most San Diegans didn’t notice though, as they were outside on yet another 72 degree sunny day.
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Posted last weekend that Tim Lincecum hadn’t shown he could pitch against major league hitters, but he did show he could pitch against the As. Well, let me revise that, Timmy showed could pitch against the As ONCE. #secondtimenotthecharm
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Kawhi Leonard is the latest NBA player to say he will not play in Rio in 2016. It’s tough to have a Dream Team when it’s looking like a Nightmare Olympics.
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Carmelo Anthony has announced he WILL actually play for Team USA in the Olympics. Makes sense, even with the depleted roster, Carmelo still has a better chance of winning something than while he’s on the Knicks.
Elizabeth Warren showed up last night on the House floor with several boxes of Dunkin’ Donuts. A blatant but futile attempt to elicit #NoBillNoBreak support from Chris Christie.
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Many people were injured and the gunman shot dead by police in a theater attack in Germany today. No definite word on who the man was, if he were Muslim so conservatives can blame “radical Islam,” or neo-Nazi so they can blame mental illness.
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Just to prove that the US doesn’t have a monopoly on a paranoid electorate, there was a hashtag #usepens trending in Britain Thursday. Because of “warnings” that pencil-written ballots may be erased as part of an government conspiracy to remain in the EU.
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So Paul Ryan calls the Democratic sit-in over gun control a “publicity stunt” and “fundraising stunt.” As opposed to the over 60 times the GOP House has voted to repeal Obama…?.
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Jerry Falwell, Jr, the president of Liberty University, posted a picture of himself and his wife with Donald Trump, in front of a framed Playboy magazine with Trump on the cover.
Falwell has angrily responded to critics saying it’s a “decades-old” cover. Next presume Jerry will be attacking the Clintons over Whitewater and Monica Lewinsky.
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A friend whose dog just died is trying to adopt a rescue dog and jumping through all kinds of hoops to prove she is worthy. Probably would be faster if she just bought a gun online and walked into the shelter with it demanding that they give her the dog. #sarcasm #mostly
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From Marc Ragovin, since Rory McIlroy is bailing on Rio over the Zika virus. “I guess we can say that McIlroy is bugging out on the Olympics.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: brexit jokes, britain jokes, cameron jokes, Janice Hough, Lincecum jokes, NBA jokes, Scotland jokes, Team USA jokes, Trump jokes
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June 22, 2016
During the Cavs victory parade Cleveland’s JR Smith held up a “2016 Election” sign with a check next to his game instead of Clinton or Trump. How silly. Smith couldn’t really win Ohio. King James on the other hand….
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Bernie Sanders said today “”It doesn’t appear that I’m going to be the nominee.” In related news, the Thunder say it doesn’t appear they’re going to be the 2016 NBA Champions.
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The NHL has approved an expansion team in Las Vegas. Well, this actually could be a major boon for the league. Americans love any sport when they can bet on it.
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Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert today began a 15-month prison sentence for hiding money transactions. The money was allegedly hush money after his repeated sexual abuse of young boys.
“I feel so sorry for him”, said nobody.
New York City is going to start offering free sanitary napkins, pads and tampons at public facilities. Of course, the city had has no problem already with a full supply of douche bags.
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#ESPNBodyIssue coming out in July & MLB will be represented by #JakeArrieta. What, no #BartoloColon?
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Democrats members staging #NoBillNoBreak sit-in on House floor to demand vote on gun control. Time for GoFundMe campaign for portapotties?
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The #GOP is keeping #CSpan from televising the #NoBillNoBreak Democratic sit-in. So guns are not dangerous but cameras are?
As the #NoBillNoBreak sit-in continued, GOP Rep. Louie Gohmert approached the (literally) sitting members of Congress and yelled ‘Radical Islam!’ Hmm, if only the Democrats were armed.
–#DustyBaker bobblehead night at #DodgerStadium. Nothing against Dusty, great #SFGiants manager. But a Dodger bobblehead? #sacrilege
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You know it’s a bad weather week in the U.S. when you have a friend in Arizona and another friend/client is traveling in Saudi Arabia. and you hear Ridayh is cooler than Phoenix.
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Marco Rubio, who pledged he would not return to the Senate if he lost the GOP nomination, today announced his bid for re-election. Of course, given his continued absentee record maybe Marco just meant he won’t be returning to the Senate very often.
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Burger King is now testing “Mac N’ Cheetos.” These are Cheetos-breaded deep-fried macaroni and cheese sticks. So you can order a Whopper and feel healthy by comparison?
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Donald Trump today accused Hillary Clinton of being “an extension of Obama,”
And right about now most Americans would take that deal..
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Trump today called Hillary Clinton a “world-class liar.” So was Trump himself lying in 2012 when he told Fox News ““Hillary Clinton I think is a terrific woman… I think she really works hard and I think she does a good job. I like her.”
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Paul Ryan was asked today if he trusts Trump. He chuckled and said “it depends on the issue.” Hmm, would the Speaker care to give examples? Or would my friends and readers care to help him?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #NoBillNoBreak, Arizona jokes, Bartolo Colon jokes, Cleveland jokes, hastert jokes, Heat jokes, Janice Hough, NHL jokes, Rubio jokes, sanders jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 21, 2016
Tonight have to give it to Scotland. Where about 100 locals got together to buy some land near one of Donald Trump’s golf courses. And in advance of the Donald’s visit they planted this flag.
(yes, that is the Mexican flag.)
Well, I guess the SF GIants sympathy scoreless streak in honor of the Warriors at the end of Game 7 NBA Finals is officially over. (First runs scored in the 4th, 15-4 final win over the Pirates.)
On a brighter note for the Pirates, Monday Erik Kratz hit 1st home run, off #Madbum, today he pitched scoreless 9th, & struck out Belt.. Now that’s just piling on. #SFGIants
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Tuesday is #NationalSelfieDay. Wonder how many celebrated the day by also vying for a #DarwinAward?
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You really cannot make this “stuff” up. A GOP Congressional candidate for Congress is running a contest on his FB page to give away a AR-15 rifle. In Florida. Wonder if Muslim-Americans are allowed to enter.
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Wendy Bell, a former Pittsburgh news anchor was fired after she posted on Facebook in March about unidentified shooting suspects “You needn’t be a criminal profiler to draw a mental sketch of the killers…. They are young black men, likely in their teens or in their early 20s….”
Now Bell says she was fired because she is white. Nope, she was fired for being stupid. #Facebookitsaprivilegenotaright
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Lebron James, Jr, age 11, apparently already has scholarship offers from Kentucky and Duke. Not sure if dad will give his son any advice, other than not to announce his decision on an ESPN special.
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Donald Trump’s campaign has apparently spent over $6 million, about 10% of their total expenditures, into Trump branded products, from water to wine to hotels.
Not sure the reaction is “That’s appalling.” Or “That’s shocking, only 10%?”
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Donald Trump’s latest to evangelical leaders, “We don’t know anything about Hillary in terms of religion.”
So he’s saying they should vote for someone like him who’s been married three times and wants to date his own daughter? #smh
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Donald Trump has added Michele Bachmann to his Evangelical Advisory Board. #Jesuswept
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US. Rep. Steve King, upset about the idea of Harriet Tubman on the $20, is proposing an amendment to a House bill to ban the use of funds to redesign any Federal Reserve note or coin. No matter that such an amendment would also stop the government from anti-counterfeiting measures. #Cantfixstupid #butyoucanreelectstupid
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Alabama jokes, college football jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, mexico jokes, Trump jokes
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June 19, 2016
Best thing about #NBAFinals game 7. Tomorrow morning we wake up to nothing but baseball for a while.
Last time #Cleveland won a championship, forget the cellphones, fans had to share their enthusiasm by telegraph. #NBAFinals
Maybe #Cavs win is God’s way of apologizing to #Cleveland for inflicting #DonaldTrump on the city next month with #GOPConvention #NBAFinals
“The great, great venture capitalists who built company after company, that’s not an accident. And none of this is an accident, either. .. We’ve crushed them on the basketball court, and we’re going to for years because of the way we’ve built this team. We’re light-years ahead of probably every other team in structure, in planning, in how we’re going to go about things.”
Maybe mean bitch karma didn’t like Warriors’ owner Joe Lacob’s March 30, 2016 interview with the NY Times
Vegas has already set 2017 NBA Championshp odds. #Warriors #Cavs then #Spurs as favorites. They couldn’t even have waited until #NBADraft?
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Rays fans were booing the loud chants of #LetsGoGiants in Tropicana Field. Of course one solution for teams who don’t like all the visiting #SFGiants fans would be to sell out their own ballparks.
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In the first two innings of today’s #SFGiants #Rays game, Jake Peavy allowed 3 hits and hit one batter. He also pitched through 3 errors, one of them his own. Anyone who figured he would pitch six innings with only 1 run allowed is someone I want on my team for Liar’s Dice.
For non golf fans, Dustin Johnson put ice-water in his veins, or something, and won the U.S. Open by 3 strokes. But the short version is that USGA officials determined a possible one-stroke penalty wouldl be assessed against him for accidentally moving a ball on the 5th hold of the final round. . And they advised all players of this. Johnson found out when he was on the 12th tee… But said they wouldn’t decided until after play was over if it was a penalty. Soe for the last several holes of the US Open no one on the leader board had any idea what the real score was. Seriously. There have been a lot of contenders for the title “worst officiating ever in sports” But the USGA is now winning.
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Actor Scott Baio (who?) , on President Obama ” I can’t tell if he’s dumb, he’s a Muslim or he’s a Muslim sympathizer, and I don’t think he’s dumb.”
Another graduate of the Palin “stupidity to pretend you’re still relevant” school.
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Ouch, Actor Anton Yelchin was killed last night when for some reason he got out of his car in his own driveway and it slid backward, pinning him against a brick mailbox and security fence. Clearly he should have been armed.
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In Ohio, a gun shop owner was accidentally shot dead by one of his students during a “conceal and carry class.” The student was doing a “weapon malfunctions” drill. #youcannotmakethisstuffup
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Trump today said that we “really need to look at profiling” Muslims in this country. At the same time he wants Muslim-Americans to report if their neighbors, family and friends are acting suspiciously. Yeah, this is going to work out well.
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Steven Spielberg is planning a remake of West Side Story. Maybe for fun he might want to set it in Italy, as a family drama?
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baio jokes, Cavs jokes, Cleveland jokes, Janice Hough, lacob jokes, NBA finals jokes, NBA jokes, Trump jokes, US open jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 18, 2016
Ratings have been so high for #NBAFinals waiting for the first conspiracy theorist to suggest #NBA & officials will somehow try to get a game 8.
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Some question as to whether or not Tim #Lincecum was ready to face major league hitting. Looks like he was at least ready to face the Oakland As.
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Vin Scully last night, in talking about a player from Venezuela, said “socialism failing to work, as it always does.” To be fair, maybe Vin is upset about the Dodgers with MLB’s luxury tax and revenue sharing.
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Major difference between the #MEXvCHI rout Saturday in Levi’s Stadium and most #49ers games? Mexico fans filled the stadium and stayed longer.
And at 7-0 at least Chile scored a touchdown.
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Among many ideas for redeveloping Penn Station in New York City, is a proposed thrill ride that would charge $35 for a free fall experience. Uh, okay, but for locals who really enjoy free-falling, aren’t they already satisfied with the Knicks?
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#ChelseaClinton has announced the birth of a baby boy, #HillaryClinton‘s 2nd grandchild. Waiting for the #GOP rebuttal.
Billionaire Charles Koch has not endorsed in the presidential race, but last month he contributed $3 million to “Freedom Partners” a super PAC supporting GOP senators. Maybe the PAC should rename itself honestly – “Republicans Surviving Hillary Because We Won’t Survive Trump.
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A frustrated Donald Trump “It would be helpful if the Republicans could help us a little bit.” The GOP to Trump “Back at ya.”
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The Trump campaign sent out an email “Right now we’re facing an emergency goal of $100,000 to help get our ads on the air. We need your contribution by 11:59 P.M. Tonight.”
Finally, Trump is acting like a real candidate.
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Sarah Palin posted a rant today on Facebook starting out “President Obama is a Special Kind of Stupid.” Does this even need a punchline?
#MSN poll: 74% in US think #Game7 will be close. (34% #Cavs, 40% #Warriors.) Shocking, 74% think any 2016 #NBAFinals game will be close?
Categories: basketball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: chile jokes, copa jokes, Janice Hough, Lincecum jokes, mexico jokes, NBA jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
June 17, 2016
Blue Jays’ slugger Jose Bautista is on the DL after a collision with the wall today. Wonder if the wall says Bautista flipped his bat at it?
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After last night forget the Warriors and Cavs; Many Americans would like to see a match between Gisele Bundchen and Ayesha Curry. #standbyyourman
The Oakland Police Department has lost its third chief in nine days (all through firings or forced resignations.). Wow. The Bay Area may have finally found a job that makes being coach of the SF 49ers look secure by comparison.
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Oops. While performing in Canada last night, Justin Bieber disappeared from stage when he fell through a trap door. Even worse, he came back.
The Westboro Baptist Church is planning to picket some of the funerals of Orlando shooting victims. Can’t someone tell ISIL that the WBC church is decorated with pictures of Mohammad?
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Suggestion from a friend, while the Westboro Baptist Church is in Orlando picketing funerals, maybe they can do some baptisms in Disney lagoons. #bustohell.
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Wells Fargo, UPS, Motorola, JPMorgan Chase, Ford and Walgreens have all opted out of sponsoring the GOP convention. Maybe because Donald Trump is over-the-top even for some corporations, or maybe because they figure they’ll get more good free publicity for opting out than they would paid publicity for staying in.
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Vladimir Putin was asked by CNN about his reportedly calling Donald Trump “brilliant,” “outstanding” and “talented.” Putin responded “I only said he was a bright person. Isn’t he bright?”
Next expect the Russian leader to claim he only meant the the furry thing that lives on Trump’s head is bright and shiny.
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Microsoft is adding Kind Financial, a cannabis-focused data management company onto its specialized Azure cloud platform. Makes sense. the more marijuana people smoke or otherwise imbibe, the mellower they will be about Microsoft’s computer issues.
Donald Trump, on the #Orlando killings, if “one of the people in that room happened to have (a gun) and goes boom. You know what, that would have been a beautiful, beautiful sight, folks.”
Uh, except that the club had armed security, and the guard’s gun DID go “boom” and it didn’t matter.
So the Donald is proposing that people should all be armed with at least semi-automatic weapons?
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Finally.
Reasonable gun control will not stop reasonable people from having reasonable guns. That is all.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers joke, Bieber jokes, Janice Hough, Oakland jokes, Warriors jokes, Westboro Baptist jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
June 16, 2016
Another reason baseball is the best sport. While there may be strike zone issues, at least you don’t hear on a regular basis “the officials just handed that game to fill-in-the-blank winning team”
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Announcers say it’s going to be an “awesome game 7?” Why, when we haven’t had an awesome game in 1 through 6? #blowouts #NBAFinals
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So if someone had never seen #NBAFinals before they’d probably say “Oh, I get it, they play games & during each game only 1 team shows up.
Well this ought to help the #NBA‘s image. Ayesha Curry’s tweet, now deleted, after her husband was ejected: “I’ve lost all respect sorry this is absolutely rigged for money… Or ratings in not sure which. I won’t be silent . Just saw it live sry.”
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Imagine how good the #Cavs could be if they had an actual coach. #NBAFinals #Game6
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#TimDonaghy said NBA suspended #DraymondGreen to extend #NBAFinals If that were true wouldn’t @NBA have suspended #KevinLove for #Game6?
So who’s going to be the first sports expert to hype #Game7 as “Win or go home?” #NBAFinals
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#RexRyan says that the #Bills “won the offseason.” Can’t wait to see their “NFL Offseason Championship Rings.”
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Disney just opened its Shanghai theme park, the company’s first in mainland China. Hope that many local children can attend and in Disney’s gift shops actually see the fruits of their labor.
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Now it’s John McCain’s turn, saying that the President “directly responsible” for the Orlando shootings, because when he pulled everybody out of Iraq, al-Qaeda went to Syria, became ISIS, and ISIS is what it is today thanks to Barack Obama’s failures.”
And going into Iraq in the first place didn’t have a thing to do with it….. #sarcasm
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In London, a new pop-up restaurant called “The Bunyadi” will feature naked dining. Yep, no clothing allowed. “The Bunyadi” will not allow cameras nor cellphones. Presumably also forbidden – hot coffee and soup.
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In Yellowstone, a tourist was fined $1,000 for walking off the boardwalk at a Hot Springs area, he said he wanted to collect thermal water for “medicinal purposes.” This a month after another tourist did something similar and park officials only didn’t fine him because they couldn’t recover his body. #Darwinwouldbesoproud
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Trump backer Sarah Palin, talking about getting “the right person” elected in order to simply force government to do what it is obligated to do, and that’s not much. That’s basically safety, and it’s some, uh, economic parity.”
“Economic parity.” Sarah, I don’t think those words mean what you think they mean.
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At Walt Disney World, signs will be put up warning of alligators (uh, what about snakes?), in their lagoons. Which might or might not have saved the little boy. But I would bet large amounts of money that such signs will also bring camera-touting tourists with cellphone cameras to the water’s edge. Some even with “alligator food.”
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From Bill Littlejohn “Ichiro dethrones Pete Rose as ‘hit’ king—in baseball or black jack?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: alligator jokes, ayesha curry jokes, cavs, curry jokes, Disney jokes, game 6 jokes, Janice Hough, McCain jokes, NBA jokes
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June 15, 2016
Notre Dame WR Corey Robinson, son of “The Admiral” David Robinson, is retiring from football, citing multiple concussions. Sounds like in Corey’s case that brains as well as athletic ability were inherited.
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Johnny #Cueto now 10-1. Watching him pitch today kind of hard to imagine how he lost that one. #SFGiants
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Lost in last night’s 3-2 #SFGiants win was the fact that the winning run scored on a wild pitch with Madison Bumgarner up at the plate, one of two wild pitches in that at-bat. Thrown in part because the Brewers pitcher didn’t want to throw Madbum a fast ball with runners on base. #pitcherswhorake #pitcherswhoscareotherpitchers
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So quaint #stayclassy moment from the NFL: Bills coach Rex Ryan is reportedly not happy about Bills RB Karlos Williams being overweight in training camp.
Williams blames his fiance: “I like to eat and then her being pregnant gave me an excuse to eat. She’d wake up, one or two o’clock, ‘I want a snack.’ Well I’m not going to sit here and watch you eat because I don’t want you to feel bad.”
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Kentucky’s John Calipari “Coaches always know about scandals that occur on their campuses and they should be held accountable.
Wonder if Calipari knows everything he says stays on the internet forever.
Story now that maybe Dallas RB Darren McFadden didn’t injure himself trying to catch his cell phone. Hmm, was he washing Jeff Kent’s truck?
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A South African appeals court upheld Oscar Pistorius’s conviction for murder today. The former Olympian had even appeared in his stumps in an attempt for sympathy. “I feel so sorry for him, ” said nobody.”
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Pat Robertson on the Orlando shootings, talking about Muslims and gays “I think for those of us who disagree with some of their policies, the best thing to do is to sit on the sidelines and let them kill themselves.”
You know, I wouldn’t wish terrorism on anyone but…..it is surprising that none of these fanatics have ended up on ISIS’s radar.
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Sad story this morning with a bit of #cantfixstupid from Disney World with the little boy snatched by an alligator. He was wading in a hotel lagoon, where his parents were ignoring clearly marked “No swimming signs.” If only that were the most awful story out of Orlando this week.
Leaving alligators and terrorists aside: From CDC – Between 2005-2014, there were an average of 3,536 fatal unintentional drownings (non-boating related) a year in U.S. 1 in 5 were children under 14. (332 people a year drown in boating-related incidents.)
And apparently over 3,000 kids a year end up in the ER for near-drowning incidents. Somehow I am sure this is Obama’s fault.
So I’m waiting for #Trump to say that if the parents at #DisneyWorld were armed they could have shot the gator. #bustohell
A Philadelphia columnist, Helen Ubinas, wrote on Philly.com how she was able to buy an AR-15 in seven minutes. Seven minutes? It took me longer than than when Walgreens had a 2 for 1 sale on all house-brand medications, and I decided to try to buy two packages of their equivalent to Sudafed.
Newt Gingrich wants to re-create the “House Un-American Activities Committee.” Well, okay then, since religion and “traditional family values” seem still to be such a priority for the GOP these days, can that committee investigate Americans who’ve been married more than twice?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Calipari jokes, Gingrich jokes, Janice Hough, mcfadden jokes, NFL jokes, Pat Robertson jokes, Pistorius jokes, SFGiants jokes
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June 9, 2016
Justin Bieber apparently lost when he got in a fistfight with another fan after game 3 of the NBA Finals. On the brighter side, he reportedly put up a better fight than the Warriors.
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When you’re down 3 to 1 in #StanleyCupFinals isn’t calling it a “must win game” redundant? #Sharks
The way the #SJSharks play on the road vs. at home might they request the #NHL to play #StanleyCup game six in Pittsburgh?
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Mac Williamson hit his first home run for the SF Giants last night. Reports were he traded a signed ball and bat for the ball. Wonder if the signed items had Posey and Bumgarner’s names on them?
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My friend Darren forwards the information that the SF 49ers are favored in ZERO of their 2016 season games.. And somewhere in Ann Arbor you can hear the giggling
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Colin Kaerpernick says that while he and his “team” were looking at “different opportunities”, now “I’m a 49er and excited to work with Chip and his coaching staff. ” Translation, not as if anyone else really wanted me anyway.
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According to Philadelphia Magazine, 46% of voters said that the Phillie Phanatic would make a more qualified President than Donald Trump. Well, and on top of that, who doesn’t love the Phanatic?
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Apparently after NBA Finals game 2, assistant coach Phil Handy went off on the Cavs with a tirade about their performance and questioned the team’s toughness. Maybe Cleveland hired the wrong coach.
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#DraymondGreen did have best line from game 3: “They came out like their season was on the line, & we came out like it was peaches & cream.”
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Headline in Cleveland today? “All you don’t need is Love? #Cavs #KevinLove #NBAFinals
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Apparently three women are trying to raise $30 million for a super PAC titled “Women Vote Trump” So is this to support the Donald or to provide those women with mental health support?
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#PresidentObama is endorsing #HillaryClinton today. Wonder if he told her in a 3 a.m. phone call?
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But really, in 2007 what was less likely, that Obama would be elected, or that he would end up endorsing Hillary?
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#HillaryClinton says #DonaldTrump should delete his #Twitter account. Why? His tweets have to be one of the best things for her campaign.
Elizabeth Warren tonight “Donald Trump is a loud, nasty, thin-skinned fraud who has never risked anything for anyone and serves nobody but himself.” You know, Senator Warren could be really impressive if she would just stop sugarcoating things.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Cavs jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, Sharks jokes, Trump jokes, Warren jokes, Warriors jokes
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June 8, 2016
Kentucky coach John Calipari said the Philadelphia 76ers should select the Wildcats’ Jamal Murray as the No. 1 pick in the June 23 NBA draft. So what did Murray ever do to him?
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Johnny Manziel is allegedly still holding out hope for a return to football in 2016. “Give it up already,” responded Tim Tebow.
#SteveKerr asked about #Cavs aggressive start after the first quarter of game 3.. “What did you see in response from your guys?” “Not a whole lot.” #Popwouldbepround #GSWvsCLE
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But so what #Cavs needed to compete with #Warriors was for #KevinLove to get a concussion? Heck, a Cleveland teammate might have clocked him sooner.
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“The Greatest” wanted his funeral to be free and so 15,000 tickets were given away in Louisville. Now of course, people are trying to sell the free tickets on Ebay etc. Ali family spokesman Bob Gunnell said “I’m personally disgusted and amazed that someone would try to profit off of Muhammad Ali’s memorial service.”
“Disgusted,” I get. “Amazed….?” Someone hasn’t been paying attention.
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#BristolPalin has married her baby daddy. And millions of Americans are asking “Which one?”
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Guess resort fees aren’t enough. MGM Resorts International in Las Vegas is now charging for parking at all their properties. Ah, for the days when the only bandits in town were the one-armed variety.
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Maria Sharipova has been banned from tennis for two years for using PEDs. And at the same time Hillary wins the Democratic nomination we are reminded it’s not always a good thing when women prove they can be equal to men.
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Bill Nye “the Science Guy” says that conservatives need an “epiphany” to attract younger voters. Okay, “science” is one strike against him, does Nye really think it will help his cause to use high-faluting words like “epiphany?”
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#Kasich is holding steady at about 11% in #CaliforniaPrimary . That’s about as high as he got in most states when he was still campaigning.
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Despite Hillary Clinton’s winning California by about 13%, the networks didn’t call the primary win for her until about 4a. In related news, the same networks are saying the Golden State Warriors still have a pretty good chance to win the NBA championship.
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Email from Bernie Sanders today “The struggle continues.” Yes, it does. But the arithmetic does not.
Convicted rapist and former Stanford swimmer Brock Turner is apparently filing an appeal, even with his slap-on-the-wrist sentence. Hmm, can someone make up some #20minutesofaction” t-shirts for Turner to give to his future wife and/or daughters?
The Guardian has leaked a letter that convicted rapist Brock Turner sent to the judge in his case “I’ve been shattered by the party culture and risk taking behavior that I briefly experienced in my four months at school. I’ve lost my ability to obtain a Stanford degree. I’ve lost employment opportunity, my reputation and most of all, my life.” #getouttheviolins
Stuart Anderson, founder of the Black Angus Steakhouse chain, has passed away at the age of 93. No details on services yet, but no doubt coupon discounts will be available.
Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ali jokes, brock turner jokes, Cavs jokes, Clinton jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, NBA finals jokes, sharipova jokes, Vegas jokes, Warriors jokes
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June 8, 2016
Today Californians went to the polls. And readers who don’t like my political stuff might want to skip down several items, or until the next post.
And for those of us who live in the state, all those annoying primary election ads will finally be over with. The general election ads start tomorrow.
You can call #HillaryClinton a lot of things. But especially given the alternative, people need to get used to the idea of calling her #MadamPresident.
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Absolutely amazing, my California Assembly district 24 is in the middle of Silicon Valley, has been home to Hewlett, Packard, Jobs, Ellison, Zuckerberg etc. And it’s MIDNIGHT election night and we still don’t have more than 71% of the vote counted. Ah technology….
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No network yet calling #CaliforniaPrimary for #Hillary or #Bernie, at 1230a June 8. Maybe they’ll go out on a limb before #Dem convention.
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Would support #Obama for 3rd term if there weren’t an amendment, but time for #Sanders to do as #Hillary did in 2008 #begracious #getonboard
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Really? Now today’s anti-Hillary social media rant is that she was wearing an expensive Armani jacket during a speech on inequality. And if she just wore mass-market clothes she’d be accused of being dowdy and not supporting retailers.
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Donald Trump said tonight he will deliver a “major speech” on the Clintons next week. Like Trump’s “major announcement” in 2012 on Obama’s birth certificate?
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Trump says now his comments about judges were “misconstrued.” Is that the Donald’s way of saying “Oops, even I might have gone too far this time?”
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Lindsey Graham is urging Republicans to rescind their endorsements of Donald Trump after the Donald’s racist comments about judges. Nice start, Senator Graham. Now how about going the next step – as in “We can survive four years of Hillary Clinton, we may not survive four years of Donald Trump.” #justsaynotoTrump
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Albert Suarez has had two starts in the major leagues. Both for the SF Giants. Both times he left with a lead. The first save was blown by Santiago Casilla, tonight’s game was lost in the 10th by Casilla. Maybe the next time Bochy has to get Suarez out of a game, he can promise to keep Casilla out too?
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Madison Bumgarner said in an interview that he isn’t much for souvenir baseballs, but he wishes he had the one he threw to Perez for the last pitch in the 2014 World Series. The ball was popped up for a foul out and was last seen in the possession of Pablo Sandoval. Let’s hope Panda didn’t eat it.
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Someone hacked #NFL twitter feed to announce falsely that #RogerGoodell had died. Out of habit, Goodell will be punishing the #Saints.
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In Missouri, a 15 year old boy apparently accidentally shot himself taking a selfie. Sad, because he was just a kid. But definitely a Darwin award junior division. #Ifonlyhewasarmed. Oh, wait, never mind.
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United Airlines has a new program called “Celebrate by United” where you can order something Duty-Free and have it delivered to a friend or colleague on-board an international flight. Flight attendants must be so thrilled. #whatcouldpossiblygowrong?
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Amazing sidebar to the #BrockTurnerRapist story. He has a sister. Just wondering if father #DanTurner would be so sympathetic to a young man if she had been raped in college. #20minutesofaction
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Plenty of good guys at Stanford too: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/hero-grad-student-describes-catching-stanford-rapist-article-1.2664718
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bernie jokes, California jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, primary jokes, Red Sox jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
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June 6, 2016
#VinScully was apparently telling #DDay stories tonight during #Dodgers loss. Wonder they included seeing #JamieMoyer pitch that day?
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Steph Curry is bowing out of the Olympics. Makes sense. If he wants the experience against playing against a team of mixed amateurs and professionals, the Warriors have plenty of games next year against the Lakers.
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Madison Bumgarner wants to participate in the All-Star Game Home Run Derby. Now, that would probably be too dangerous with the injury risk of swinging that many times. But since the game “counts” maybe Bochy could let #Madbum pinch hit? #pitcherswhorake
Looking like #LebronJames is about 2 games, and one 2013 miracle Ray Allen shot, away from going 1-6 in #NBAFinals.
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Marshawn Lynch confirmed his retirement on a 60 Minutes Sports/Sports Illustrated segment “No I’m done. I’m done. I enjoyed my time playing, now it’s time to watch my cousins do their thing.”
Wow, retirement has made Lynch positively loquacious.
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Hillary’s bro-in-law #RogerClinton was just arrested for his 2nd DUI. Clearly that makes him unfit to be related to a President. On the other hand, does that qualify him to run for V.P.? #Cheney
Got an email today saying that “Even if Clinton’s already won, a vote for Sanders will help defeat Trump.” Because the more delegates Bernie gets, the more supportive he’s going to be of Hillary in November? Yeah. Right.
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A former Secret Service agent has an anti-Clinton book due out this month. Gary Bryne says he has “no animosity” towards the former First Family: “But I could not keep from asking myself how our nation’s leaders could be so reckless, so volatile, and so dangerous to themselves and to our nation.” And I am sure Bryne has no other rea$on$$$$$$..
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More on the Stanford rape case, and what feels like a sentencing debacle – the convicted rapist said he thought the sex was consensual, but when two other students happened upon him with the young woman, he ran away. Uh, if he was with a consensual partner, the natural impulse might be to cover up, or to shield her, or just to tell the others “go away and give us some privacy.” Not to run.
Mean bitch karma had to be disappointed with the sentencing in the Stanford rape case. On the other hand, had the rapist. Brock Turner, been given a reasonable sentence, it might have been a 24 hour story and maybe he gets out of prison and rebuilds a life in anonymity. Not a chance now. So not a win, but not a complete loss either. #Neverdismissmeanbirthkarma-
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #meanbitchkarma, bernie jokes, california primary jokes, Clinton jokes, curry jokes, dday jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron James jokes, madbum jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
June 5, 2016
Refs in Oakland did call travelling tonight on Lebron James. Time for a congressional investigation? #NBAFinals
#Lebron & #Cavs in game 2 of #NBAFinals were so bad #ESPN might air new special #TheDecision – on where #Cleveland plans to go for vacation.
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Denver Broncos CB Aqib Talib was treated and released from a Dallas hospital after being shot in the leg at a Dallas nightclub. This is the same Talib who was indicted for allegedly pistol-whipping and shooting at his sister’s boyfriend in 2011, and questioned last year at the scene of an aggravated assault also at a Dallas nightclub.
Even Johnny Manziel is thinking this guy needs to get a grip.
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Police in Vacaville, California arrested five people for allegedly stealing $4,700 of Red Bull from local stores. Hmm, if the stuff really does give you wings wouldn’t they have flown the coup?
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They are now selling “Golden Grahams” cereal in boxes that feature Jose Bautista’s bat flip on the front. Wonder if kids who eat it are likely to get punched at school?
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Former George W. Bush Attorney General Alberto Gonzales defending Donald Trump for calling out a Hispanic judge: “If judges are not perceived as being impartial, the public will quickly lose confidence in the rule of law upon which our nation is based.”
Oh, I don’t know, Americans recovered pretty quickly after the 2000 election.
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ESPN just reported that #MadisonBumgarner has more career grand-slam home runs than #DerekJeter
Ryan Howard says a fan at his home Citizens Bank Ballpark threw a beer bottle at him. Not good. But really, isn’t selling beer in bottles in Philadelphia like selling arms to militants?
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Gary Byrne, a former Secret Service agent in the Clinton White House, is releasing a “tell-all: book next month about his time there and how the culture “sickened” him. And of course the fact that a book anytime in the last 8 years before the election cycle would have received little notice has nothing to with it. #money
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Donald Trump is doubling down on criticism on the Hispanic judge overseeing the Trump University trial, and says now he thinks he wouldn’t get a fair trial from a Muslim judge either. Time to start the pool on when he adds women judges to the list?
Waiting for #DonaldTrump to say no one can judge him. Because really he has no peers.
The father of the former Stanford swimmer convicted of rape and sentenced to 6 months in jall has written an open letter talking about how his son’s “life has been deeply altered forever…. he will never be his happy go lucky self…his life will never be the one he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 years of life,”
Well, yeah, and can’t imagine how all that apple and tree theory got started.
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From Marc Ragovin “The Yankees are holding their Old Timers game this upcoming Sunday. Or as its otherwise known, a split-squad scrimmage.”
Categories: baseball jokes, basketball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cavs jokes, donaldtrump jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, Red Bull jokes, SFGiants jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 5, 2016
Nice statement from President Obama today: ‘Muhammad Ali was The Greatest. Period. If you just asked him, he’d tell you.
But what made The Champ the greatest – what truly separated him from everyone else – is that everyone else would tell you pretty much the same thing.”
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So maybe if Trump isn’t a a complete fraud it’s time to test the man for severe memory impairment. The Donald quickly praised Ali last night, but in December after the President criticized his proposed ban Trump tweeted out “Obama said in his speech that Muslims are our sports heroes. What sport is he talking about, and who?”.
Here’s a thought about Trump’s praise of Ali after saying there were no Muslim sports stars. Maybe he doesn’t know Muhammad Ali was a Muslim. #heswrongaboutmosteverythingelse
Really boggles the mind to imagine what it would have been like if #MuhammadAli at his peak in a social media age? #mostfollowersofalltime
Ads on the #MLB “Game of the Week” telling us to go to Hooters for the food. Like old days of reading Playboy for the articles. #SFvsSTL
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You start seeing one of the problems for the Cavaliers. A SF Chronicle headline “Kerr has the magic touch; James searching.” The Warriors have a good team AND a real coach
Jeff Samardzija didn’t end up having a good day for the SF Giants, giving up 4 home runs in what seemed like about two minutes. But he did get a single and an RBI. Fox announcers seemed shocked. Clearly they aren’t paying attention. #Pitcherswhorake
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James Shields was traded to the White Sox. He was a disappointment with the Padres.But being fair, it’s hard to live up to the nickname “Big Game Shields” when your team has no big games.
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Canada is changing a line in their national anthem from “in all thy sons command” to “in all of us command.” Why? As Justin Trudeau recently said, “It’s 2016.” #IblameObama #IblameTrudeau
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Southwest. already the largest airline in terms of passengers beginning or ending their trip in the SF Bay Area, is adding nine more Oakland flights tomorrow. You know you’re getting old when you can remember when Southwest was the no-frills cattle call airline.
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Got to love marketing. On “Shout” stain remover it trumpets “Removes stains the 1st time or it’s free.” So since it’s not working on a stain (ink) I read the bottle carefully, find tiny print directing me to a website. A few more clicks, and ALL they need to send me $3.99 besides a lot of info is the cash register receipt from up to a year ago. Right, because we all save every receipt for potential under $4 windfalls….
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In Saturday’s U.S. Virgin Islands, Hillary Clinton had a big win and picked up all seven pledged delegates. Wow. Okay, before this year, who even knew the U.S.V.I had a primary?
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So we’ve got hockey, basketball and baseball going on now. But as TC points out after the Padres and Mariners split a pair in San Diego, 16-6 and 16-13: “When did the NFL preseason start?”
Categories: airline jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ali jokes, Cavs jokes, Janice Hough, muhammad ali jokes, muslim jokes, primary jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
June 3, 2016
And no, Cubs fans. Not a billy goat.
For all the talk of Islam as a warlike religion, remember, Muhammad Ali lost his heavyweight title over refusing to kill people in Vietnam. “I ain’t got no quarrel with them Viet Cong. No Viet Cong ever called me nigger…..”
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No regarding Muhammad Ali. I’m not a boxing fan. But when someone says that athletes don’t have a clue about life outside their sport….. #floatlikeabutterflystinglikeabeeandwalkthewalk
Donald Trump tweeted out that Muhammad Ali was a “truly great champion and a wonderful guy.” Guess after the Donald proposed his ban in December, he didn’t read Ali’s statement that Muslims “have to stand up to those who use Islam to advance their own personal agenda.”
The Miami Marlins may have been the first to report the death of Muhammad Ali. Well, guess they wanted to be first at something. (And with their attendance this year, not like too many people would have noticed if they were wrong.)
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Hunter Pence needs hamstring surgery and will be out about 8 weeks. Re his right field replacement SF Giants’ manager Bruce Bochy has probably already has told Madison Bumgarner -“NO!”
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#SFGiants need another outfielder in a hurry. Hey, that #Marlins hitting coach has looked pretty good leading his team in batting practice.
Giants scored 3 runs in the top of the 9th tonight in a 5-1 win. Ah yes, that moment when you think that MAYBE the #SFGiants are getting enough runs that you don’t have to play the #Casilla drinking game.
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Over 1 million people have downloaded a new Chick-fil-A app since Wed. because so doing means they get a free sandwich, worth all of about $3. Amazing. Wonder what we could do in the U.S. if we offered people free food to vote.
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The San Diego Padres blew a 10 run lead after five, in just two innings, to lose 16-13 to the Mariners Thursday night. And every player who’s ever stole a base or bunted in an out-of-control game just said “See!!!”
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Delta Air Lines says starting July 1, all movies, TV shows and music available from the carrier’s “Delta Studio” offerings will be free for both economy and premium cabin passengers. And any fare increase June 30 will be strictly coincidental.
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Your “feel good” story of the day courtesy of CNN: Apparently an alleged war criminal, accused of committing atrocities as a commander during Somalia’s civil war is working as a security guard at Dulles, and passed both an FBI criminal background check and a TSA threat assessment, Well, I suppose he can take care of people who bring that dangerous bottled water.
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The San Diego Union-Tribune has urged Republican readers to write in Ronald Reagan instead of Donald Trump in the June 7 primary. Why stop there? Why not Lincoln?
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Paul Ryan slammed Donald Trump over attacking the Hispanic heritage of the judge overseeing the Trump University lawsuit. Wow. That warm fuzzy relationship lasted about as long as one of Taylor Swift’s.
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Friday was National Donut Day. So guessing Donald Trump’s campaign had to survive 24 hours without Chris Christie.
Donald Trump is continuing to insist that there’s a conflict of interest to have Judge Gonzalo Curiel handing his Trump University case because Curiel, who is U.S. born, is of Mexican descent. At this point shouldn’t it be a conflict of interest to have anyone make a decision involving Trump if they have an IQ in triple digits?
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bonds jokes, Delta jokes, goat jokes, muhammad ali jokes, Padres jokes, SFGiants jokes, voting jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
June 1, 2016
In an interview, Barry Bonds said “I’m to blame for the way I was [portrayed], because I was a dumbass. I was straight stupid, and I’ll be the first to admit it.”
Not sure what’s weirder. Hearing him apologize, or hearing Bonds’ referred to as “the Miami Marlins’ hitting coach?” #SFGiants
In Switzerland, they just had the grand opening of a railway tunnel through the Alps dubbed “the longest tunnel in the world” at 35.5 miles. And down in Mexico they’re just giggling.
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#StephCurry let slip in a news conference that he uses Uber in the SF Bay Area. Wonder if they give him 3.0 pricing? #Warriors
Is there a more annoying sound in sports than the tomahawk chop? #Braves #SFGiants #Stopthechop
Santiago #Casilla has now blown 4 of 16 saves. So he’s right about as often as an NBA referee? #damningbyfaintphrase
#Casilla lost composure & blew lead so fast tonight you’d wonder if underneath his #SFGiants jersey he was wearing a #OKC #Thunder t-shirt.
No, I don’t play fantasy baseball. But saw this on Rotoballer.com, talking about closers in the NL West and their “status” (from a few days ago.)
: Stability Rating – Team Name – Current Closer
Solid – Diamondbacks – Brad Ziegler
Solid Rockies – Jake McGee
Solid Dodgers – Kenley Jansen
Solid Padres – Fernando Rodney
Questionable – Giants – Santiago Casilla
yeah, we know
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Anyone else feeling like an old baseball fan in remembering when players didn’t have hamstrings?
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Last night #JakePeavy pitched 1 hit ball for 7 innings, singled and scored the go-ahead run for the #SFGiants to win on his 35th birthday. “It couldn’t have happened to a nicer young man” said Jamie Moyer.
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First #BernieSanders got #Hamilton tickets. Then court side seats for #OKCvsGSW #Game7. Guessing his own private plane can’t be far behind?
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Former Baylor president Kenneth Starr, who so zealously prosecuted Bill Clinton, and who was reassigned as chancellor after the school’s sexual assault scandals, is now resigning that new post. Starr will, however, continue to teach in the law school.
What’s his first course this fall – “The law and people who think they are above it?”
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A Seattle burlesque dancer returning home from a Boston performance was told by a JetBlue crew the shorts and thigh-highs she was wearing were “inappropriate.” She had to buy pajama pants to get on the plane.
This would not have happened on United. They’d have let her board and just charged other passengers an entertainment fee.
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A USA Today article shows that Donald Trump “and his businesses have been involved in at least 3,500 legal actions in federal and state courts during the past 30 years. Ranging from skirmishes with casino patrons to million-dollar real estate suits to personal defamation lawsuits.”
Are we sure the Trump campaign didn’t leak the information in a shameless push to get more endorsements from lawyers?
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The PGA Tour is moving their Cadillac World Golf Championship from the Trump Doral course to Mexico City. Trump’s gracious response “I hope they have kidnapping insurance.”
I am beginning to see the Donald’s plan to have Mexico pay for that wall…. in order to keep him out.
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Hillary Clinton with Cory Booker in New Jersey: Hmm, could think of a lot worse tickets for November. #GoStanford
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Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baylor jokes, Bernie Sanders jokes, Bonds jokes, casilla jokes, golf jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 