Posted tagged ‘Scotland jokes’

Will the last to leave the UK please turn out the lights?

June 23, 2016

History books teach us that Henry VIII united England with Ireland and Wales, and James I/VI united England with Scotland. And now they may well teach us David Cameron and his referendum was the one who dissolved the UK. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎Brexit‬

 

Many Tory MP’s in Britain signed letter saying Cameron had “a duty to stay on” after ‪#‎Brexit‬. Right, like captain of Titanic after iceberg.

‪#‎DonaldTrump‬ has traveled to the UK at this time of ‪#‎Brexit‬ turmol, to visit…. his golf courses? ‪#‎priorities‬ ‪#‎clueless‬

 

Donald Trump & many of his supporters have been in favor of ‪#‎Brexit‬. As the UK economy already is taking a hit before daybreak, ‪#‎becarefulwhatyouwishfor‬

#‎DonaldTrump‬ due to arrive in ‪#‎Scotland‬ this am after ‪#‎Brexit‬. Too much to hope that he praises vote? (Scots voted strongly for ‪#‎Remain‬)

Gibraltar did  vote to stay in the EU. Shocking many Americans who didn’t realize they were part of Britain. ‪#‎Brexit‬.

 

San Diego came in 2nd (to Buffalo) in a list of the 40 most depressing cities for sports fans. Most San Diegans didn’t notice though, as they were outside on yet another 72 degree sunny day.

Posted last weekend that Tim Lincecum hadn’t shown he could pitch against major league hitters, but he did show he could pitch against the As. Well, let me revise that, Timmy showed could pitch against the As ONCE. ‪#‎secondtimenotthecharm‬

Kawhi Leonard is the latest NBA player to say he will not play in Rio in 2016. It’s tough to have a Dream Team when it’s looking like a Nightmare Olympics.

Carmelo Anthony has announced he WILL actually play for Team USA in the Olympics. Makes sense, even with the depleted roster, Carmelo still has a better chance of winning something than while he’s on the Knicks.

 

Elizabeth Warren showed up last night on the House floor with several boxes of Dunkin’ Donuts. A blatant but futile attempt to elicit ‪#‎NoBillNoBreak‬ support from Chris Christie.

Many people were injured and the gunman shot dead by police in a theater attack in Germany today. No definite word on who the man was, if he were Muslim so conservatives can blame “radical Islam,” or neo-Nazi so they can blame mental illness.

Just to prove that the US doesn’t have a monopoly on a paranoid electorate, there was a hashtag ‪#‎usepens‬ trending in Britain Thursday. Because of “warnings” that pencil-written ballots may be erased as part of an government conspiracy to remain in the EU.

So Paul Ryan calls the Democratic sit-in over gun control a “publicity stunt” and “fundraising stunt.” As opposed to the over 60 times the GOP House has voted to repeal Obama…?.

Jerry Falwell, Jr, the president of Liberty University, posted a picture of himself and his wife with Donald Trump, in front of a framed Playboy magazine with Trump on the cover.
Falwell has angrily responded to critics saying it’s a “decades-old” cover. Next presume Jerry will be attacking the Clintons over Whitewater and Monica Lewinsky.

A friend whose dog just died  is trying to adopt a rescue dog and jumping through all kinds of hoops to prove she is worthy. Probably would be faster if she just bought a gun online and walked into the shelter with it demanding that they give her the dog. ‪#‎sarcasm‬ ‪#‎mostly‬

From Marc Ragovin, since Rory McIlroy is bailing on Rio over the Zika virus.  “I guess we can say that McIlroy is bugging out on the Olympics.”

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Days and confused.

September 17, 2014

Tuesday there was a press conference blasting the NFL and Roger Goodell over their handling of domestic violence cases – held by Gloria Allred. So congrats to all those who had Sept 17 in the pool.

Scotland is voting September 18 on a possible declaration of independence from the United Kingdom. And the number one response in the U.S.A. “So what is the United Kingdom?”

The Vikings, on deactivating Adrian Peterson “After giving the situation additional thought, we have decided this is the appropriate course of action for the organization and for Adrian.” Translation, we don’t want to lose any more sponsors. ‪#‎Followthemoney‬

 

 

The NFL fined Colin Kaepernick $10,000 for inappropriate language last weekend, and fined Buffalo Bills linebacker Brandon Spikes $8,268 for an unnecessary roughness penalty. So the lesson is clear, if you’re really unhappy on the field, don’t swear at someone, stomp them.

 

 

#‎TMI‬ Baltimore WR Steve Smith posted a picture of his new son along with the tweet “The last time me and my wife were in elevator heading to our hotel room!!! We got this guy 9 months later.. ‪#‎Realtalk‬” And not that long ago that would have been the most unfortunate story most of us could imagine involving a Ravens player and an elevator.

Jameis Winston has been suspended for the 1st half of FSU’s game Saturday against Clemson for standing on a table in the student union and repeatedly yelling an obscene internet meme – “F*ck her right in the p*ssy.” Considering that the Heisman winner is still being investigated for alleged sexual assault the suspension has to be as much about stupidity as obscenity.

 

 

Well, this kind of sucks. Rob Ford’s doctor says the Toronto mayor is battling a rare and “fairly aggressive” form of cancer. And Ford is probably thinking, “Hell, if I knew that I’d have kept smoking crack.”

Adrian Peterson’s mother ” When you whip those you love, it’s not about abuse, but love.” Sounds like the apple didn’t strike far from the tree.

Aaron Hernandez, trying to get evidence tossed in his murder trial “I felt helpless in the face of the occupation of my house by the police. I was also very concerned about what would happen to my fiancée and our baby if I refused to answer their questions. I did not feel free to leave at any time during the search.” “I feel so sorry for him”, said nobody.

Now some are slamming the new Miss America Kira Kazantsev because she interned at Planned Parenthood… Would they have been as angry if she supported raising welfare payments for poor children?

Told to unload his bags from a bus in Altoona, PA on July 31 after a AA game for Richmond. Game winning single in Arizona for the SF Giants in a pennant race Sept 17. Quite a few weeks for Matt Duffy.

 

From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg  “It is so hot in Los Angeles, people are going to Dodger games just to feel the cool breeze coming off of Yasiel Puig’s bat when he strikes out.  ” (.183% in his last 31 games)