Archive for the ‘GOP jokes’ category
July 18, 2016
MLB’s Joe Torre sent a memo to managers and GMs telling them to stop arguing balls and strikes “This highly inappropriate conduct is detrimental to the game and must stop immediately.”
Uh, Joe, what about the “highly inappropriate conduct” of so many missed calls?
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Alphonse Taylor, Alabama’s starting right guard and a pre-season All-SEC pick was arrested for alleged DUI Sunday am. Well, no doubt Nick Saban will suspend him for at least a quarter of the season-opener, which is against…. USC.
Never mind, I am sure Saban will take care of matters internally.
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Two Florida teens were playing “Pokemon Go” in a car outside a house at 130am when the homeowner, hearing a noise, fired several shots at them. The kids were uninjured but found several bullet holes in the car in the morning. So what’s next for players, Pokeguns? #ifonlytheywerearmed
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So when Scotland leaves after Brexit will it no longer be the British Open? #TheOpen
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Although, seriously on a lighter note has there ever been a more riveting sports competition between two men over 40? #Hoorayforoldfarts
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More sad news this morning, this time out of #BatonRouge . Seriously this #goodguywithagun idea is not working in the US.
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Trump today – “How many law enforcement and people have to die because of a lack of leadership in our country? We demand law and order.”
So if the Donald gets elected he’s just going to demand people stop shooting each other? If only there wasn’t that pesky 2nd amendment.
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The president of the Cleveland Police Patrolmen’s Association wants Gov. Kasich to temporarily suspend “open carry” for the sake of security during the RNC convention.
So where is Trump’s reply telling the police how much safer they will be with all those “good guys with guns?”
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Actor Antonio Sabàto Jr.will apparently now speak at the #RNCConvention for Trump. Even #DWTS is going, “who?”
So Mike Pence in a joint “60 Minutes” appearance with Donald Trump spent much of his time trying to explain the Donald’s positions in a more measured way. So will Pence be known as “The Trump Whisperer?”
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Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: golf jokes, Janice Hough, open jokes, Phil Mickelson jokes, pokemongo jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
July 11, 2016
No farewell tour for Tim Duncan, unless you say it was the same quiet tour he was on for almost two decades.
Of course unlike Kobe, Duncan figured his last season would extend beyond the regular season.
#TimDuncan will be in Hall of Fame for many reasons. But this stat will probably never be matched again. He played 19 years, for ONE coach.
Draymond Green was arrested on assault charges in Michigan after what a police source called “basically an altercation between two guys.” And at this point, the Warriors and NBA have to be thinking “Well, at least it wasn’t a woman.”
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Congrats to #JohnnyCueto for being named NL All-Star game starting pitcher. Not a bad consolation prize for #SFGiants not getting Zack Greinke
You could have actually bet on the Home Run Derby winner tonight in Las Vegas. And if you seriously bet, and care, you just MIGHT have a gambling problem.
(But if you bet on Celebrity Softball you DEFINITELY have a problem.)
Ok, probably didn’t want to see him risk injury with 50 plus swings. But would have been fun to see a #MadBum cameo in #HomeRunDerby
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San Diego Padres All-Star Wil Myers today told the media “East Coast Mexican food is better than West Coast Mexican food.” Has someone checked Myers for concussions?
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So many top #NL pitchers won’t be playing in this year’s All-Star game you’d almost think it was an Olympic event.
(or as my friend Steve L. says “or the GOP convention.)
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Jordan Spieth is the latest golfer to withdraw from the Olympics. If this keeps up maybe Tiger Woods should consider going to Rio – he could win by attrition.
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United flight from San Francisco to Frankfurt delayed almost two hours due to “catering difficulties.” Wouldn’t it have been faster to call Domino’s?
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Starbucks is giving all US store employees and managers at least a 5% raise this year, plus improved stock benefits. And soon no doubt a generous low-interest loan payment plan for their regular customers.
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#PokemonGO, the hottest new app in years, but it has security risks. As in players are likely to walk into trees. other people, & traffic.
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Donald Trump today called himself the “law and order candidate.” As in “I make my own laws and don’t follow orders.”
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GOP now pushing for a perjury probe against Hillary Clinton over her emails. Because of course they wanted the same probe with the Bush administration over those alleged WMDs. Oh, wait, never mind.
Got a free sample of Eye Repair Cream today, a solid white cream that claims to “reduce the look of dark circles and puffiness.” On the back – “For external use only.” #beammeupScottietheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet
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As #BernieSanders prepares to endorse #HillaryClinton anyone but me half expect him to say at the last minute “Just kidding”?
With joke writing, you never know in advance about getting material, except this week – when Donald Trump will announce his running mate
Categories: baseball jokes, basketball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, draymond green jokes, duncan jokes, home run derby jokes, Janice Hough, madbum jokes, pokemon jokes, Starbucks jokes, tim duncan, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 30, 2016
After leading the Brexit movement, Boris Johnson has now said he doesn’t want to be Prime Minister. Whatever happened to “You break it, you buy it.”
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The Dodgers have put Clayton Kershaw on the DL with a herniated disc. SF Giants are wishing Kershaw well, and thinking “Don’t risk your career and health, take the rest of the summer off.”
Madison Bumgarner was the first pitcher since 1976 to be scheduled to bat for himself in an AL park. And he doubled to lead off the 3rd in a six-run inning. Clearly this was all the #SFGiants needed to wake them up after a horrible evening.. #PitchersWhoRake #PitchersWhoInspire
#SFGiants played much better defense tonight. Presumably they didn’t want to screw up & have to answer to #Madbum #Pitcherswhocanhandleabat
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Johnny Manziel has apparently been suspended four games for violating the NFL’s substance abuse policy. Well, gosh, hope that doesn’t make some team decide it would be risky to sign him.
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Disney World has apparently pulled Louis the alligator, from their Princess and the Frog movie, from the new Friendship Faire Castle Show, and Peter Pan’s Tick-Tock the Croc, from the Festival of Fantasy Parade.
Good thing that poor little boy didn’t get run over in the Anaheim parking lot, or Disney might have had to close Cars Land.
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Rolando McClain, the Dallas Cowboys LB who was suspended for the 1st four games of the 2015 NFL season for violating the league’s substance abuse policy, has now been suspended the first 10 games of this season for violating the same policy.
At some point it’s not a suspension for drugs, it’s a suspension for stupidity.
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The FDA is now saying not to eat raw cookie dough, because uncooked flour can be hazardous to your health. Hmm, sounds like an opportunity for millions of Americans to start describing themselves as courageous risk takers.
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Utah senator Mike Lee says he won’t support Donald Trump because Trump attacked ‘my best friend’ – Ted Cruz. Shocking. Cruz has a best friend?
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Gwyneth Paltrow was apparently shocked to hear that Star Magazine declared her “the most hated celebrity.” “What did I do?” Well, cluelessness is a good start….-
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A new USA Today poll shows Americans by 4-1 margin agree that the Brexit vote to leave the EU “was a sign of anger and dissatisfaction that can be seen in other countries, including the United States.”
Wonder how many Americans have any idea what the EU is?
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Mike Ditka has declined Donald Trump’s invitation to speak at the Republican National Convention. Guess he hasn’t been hit on the head THAT many times.
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One of the Istanbul airport attackers was apparently Russian. So much for that Trump-Putin bromance.
Donald Trump today, speaking as a plane buzzed overhead “That could be a Mexican plane up there. They’re getting ready to attack.” Isn’t it nice that that Donald is trying to be more Presidential?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: boris johnson jokes, brexit jokes, bumgarner jokes, GOP convention jokes, Janice Hough, Putin jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
June 29, 2016
Following on the NBA championship of the Cavs, the Indians have won 12 games in a row. For those who think Cleveland’s just piling on, don’t worry, the Browns’ pre-season starts soon.
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The NCAA has a new rule that all bowl-eligible teams with 6-6 records must be chosen for a bowl before any teams with a 5-7 record are offered the games.
With all due respect, isn’t a bowl game for a .500 team the football equivalent of a participation trophy?
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The NFL Players Association doesn’t want the active players named in the Al-Jazeera PED report interviewed by the league, but Peyton Manning apparently will cooperate. So long as the interview is sponsored by Papa John’s and Budweiser.
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Michael Phelps tonight won the 200-meter butterfly and became the first U.S. male swimmer to qualify for five Olympics. Whereupon he celebrated by yelling “You punks get out of my pool.”
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2015 Seahawks backup QB Tarvaris Jackson was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after a woman in Florida accused him of threatening her with a gun last week. Now, newly signed backup QB Trevone Boykin has been charged with assault causing bodily injury after an Dec 31 incident with a police officer at a bar before the Alamo Bowl.
Who’s next for Seattle? Johnny Manziel is available.
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Johnny Manziel says he is going sober on July 1. For the troubled QB’s sake, I hope he’s right. But hard not to quote Inigo Montoya: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means”
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The Miss Teen USA pageant says they are dropping the swimsuit portion of their competition, replacing it with an athletic wear competition. For all men who only tuned in for the swimsuits, three words “tight yoga pants.
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The California “Adult Use of Marijuana Act” is officially on this November’s ballot. Well, it’s high time.
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#HeterosexualPrideDay. Really? Just go to a lot of frat houses, where every day is #HetrerosexualPrideDay.
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Regarding that story of Christy Sheats, the Texas mom and gun-rights advocate who fatally shot her daughters, reports are now that police had been called out 14 times since 2012 to their home, calls involving Christy’s having a “mental crisis.”
And she was still allowed to have guns? #wellplayedNRA #sarcasm
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Surprisingly little media attention to Istanbul only a day after the attacks. Must not have been any Americans killed. Sigh.
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I miss President Obama already: “Now somebody else who has never shown any regard for workers, who has never fought on behalf of social justice issues, they don’t suddenly become a populist because they say something controversial in order to win votes. That’s not the measure of populism. That’s nativism or xenophobia or worse. Or it’s just cynicism.”
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A new Quinnipiac University poll says Donald Trump has the support of 1% of black voters. That many?
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cleveland jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, marijuana jokes, Michael Phelps, NCAA jokes, NFL jokes, pageant jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 25, 2016
Northern Ireland lost to Wales in Euro 2016 on an own goal. That’s the worst self-inflicted misery in the UK since… Thursday.
Sunday is NASCAR Sonoma, and the Pride Parade in San Franciso. Now there are two events that I’m guessing do not have a lot of overlap.
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Fans in Cleveland have created a “Cleveland Indians Championship Parade.” And the Indians are actually in first place in the AL Central. Maybe God is taking pity on the city for hosting the GOP 2016 convention.
Haven’t been paying close attention to the #CollegeWorldSeries this year. So when were the Minnesota Twins eliminated?
Someone needs to tell #SFGiants offense that just because #MadisonBumgarner is pitching doesn’t mean they can take night off. #nosupport
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FOX News reported yesterday that Great Britain had voted to leave, not the EU, but the UN. Same difference, right? #sarcasm #nottheOnion
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#ballotremorse Over 1.6 million people in Britain have signed a petition for another E.U. referendum, basically a do-over. And a whole lot of U.S. GOP voters are going “you can do that?”
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#GeorgeWill has announced he has left the #GOP over #Trump. So who said Trump couldn’t bring about any real change?
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Ben Carson just called for a “civil discussion” about guns: “Let’s put on the table – what is the reason for the Second Amendment…And, is there a reason that we need to change those things right now.”
Wow. Sounds like someone’s given up on the idea of being Trump’s running mate.
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Donald Trump asked about his proposed Muslim ban by the UK Daily Mail.”‘I don’t want people coming in from the terror countries. You have terror countries.” Then, in the same interview “‘I don’t want them, unless they’re very, very strongly vetted.”
Once again, the Donald is running against himself.
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Evangelical author James Dobson says that “it’s fairly recent” but Donald Trump has accepted Jesus Christ. Ah, but has Jesus Christ accepted Donald Trump?
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In Texas, Christy Sheats, a mother and gun rights advocate, wrote a scathing Facebook post in March about Obama and gun control: “It would be horribly tragic if my ability to protect myself or my family were to be taken away.” Yesterday, Sheats was fatally shot by police after she shot and killed her 22 and 17 year old daughters.
Well, clearly the girls should have been armed.
From Bill Littlejohn “In the wake of her two year suspension, Maria Sharapova is going to attend Harvard Business School.The anti-doping panel in London calls it ‘Illegally Blonde’
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Ben Carson jokes, brexit jokes, College World Series jokes, Fox jokes, Janice Hough, madison bumgarner jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
June 22, 2016
During the Cavs victory parade Cleveland’s JR Smith held up a “2016 Election” sign with a check next to his game instead of Clinton or Trump. How silly. Smith couldn’t really win Ohio. King James on the other hand….
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Bernie Sanders said today “”It doesn’t appear that I’m going to be the nominee.” In related news, the Thunder say it doesn’t appear they’re going to be the 2016 NBA Champions.
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The NHL has approved an expansion team in Las Vegas. Well, this actually could be a major boon for the league. Americans love any sport when they can bet on it.
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Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert today began a 15-month prison sentence for hiding money transactions. The money was allegedly hush money after his repeated sexual abuse of young boys.
“I feel so sorry for him”, said nobody.
New York City is going to start offering free sanitary napkins, pads and tampons at public facilities. Of course, the city had has no problem already with a full supply of douche bags.
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#ESPNBodyIssue coming out in July & MLB will be represented by #JakeArrieta. What, no #BartoloColon?
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Democrats members staging #NoBillNoBreak sit-in on House floor to demand vote on gun control. Time for GoFundMe campaign for portapotties?
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The #GOP is keeping #CSpan from televising the #NoBillNoBreak Democratic sit-in. So guns are not dangerous but cameras are?
As the #NoBillNoBreak sit-in continued, GOP Rep. Louie Gohmert approached the (literally) sitting members of Congress and yelled ‘Radical Islam!’ Hmm, if only the Democrats were armed.
–#DustyBaker bobblehead night at #DodgerStadium. Nothing against Dusty, great #SFGiants manager. But a Dodger bobblehead? #sacrilege
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You know it’s a bad weather week in the U.S. when you have a friend in Arizona and another friend/client is traveling in Saudi Arabia. and you hear Ridayh is cooler than Phoenix.
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Marco Rubio, who pledged he would not return to the Senate if he lost the GOP nomination, today announced his bid for re-election. Of course, given his continued absentee record maybe Marco just meant he won’t be returning to the Senate very often.
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Burger King is now testing “Mac N’ Cheetos.” These are Cheetos-breaded deep-fried macaroni and cheese sticks. So you can order a Whopper and feel healthy by comparison?
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Donald Trump today accused Hillary Clinton of being “an extension of Obama,”
And right about now most Americans would take that deal..
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Trump today called Hillary Clinton a “world-class liar.” So was Trump himself lying in 2012 when he told Fox News ““Hillary Clinton I think is a terrific woman… I think she really works hard and I think she does a good job. I like her.”
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Paul Ryan was asked today if he trusts Trump. He chuckled and said “it depends on the issue.” Hmm, would the Speaker care to give examples? Or would my friends and readers care to help him?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #NoBillNoBreak, Arizona jokes, Bartolo Colon jokes, Cleveland jokes, hastert jokes, Heat jokes, Janice Hough, NHL jokes, Rubio jokes, sanders jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 21, 2016
Tonight have to give it to Scotland. Where about 100 locals got together to buy some land near one of Donald Trump’s golf courses. And in advance of the Donald’s visit they planted this flag.
(yes, that is the Mexican flag.)
Well, I guess the SF GIants sympathy scoreless streak in honor of the Warriors at the end of Game 7 NBA Finals is officially over. (First runs scored in the 4th, 15-4 final win over the Pirates.)
On a brighter note for the Pirates, Monday Erik Kratz hit 1st home run, off #Madbum, today he pitched scoreless 9th, & struck out Belt.. Now that’s just piling on. #SFGIants
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Tuesday is #NationalSelfieDay. Wonder how many celebrated the day by also vying for a #DarwinAward?
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You really cannot make this “stuff” up. A GOP Congressional candidate for Congress is running a contest on his FB page to give away a AR-15 rifle. In Florida. Wonder if Muslim-Americans are allowed to enter.
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Wendy Bell, a former Pittsburgh news anchor was fired after she posted on Facebook in March about unidentified shooting suspects “You needn’t be a criminal profiler to draw a mental sketch of the killers…. They are young black men, likely in their teens or in their early 20s….”
Now Bell says she was fired because she is white. Nope, she was fired for being stupid. #Facebookitsaprivilegenotaright
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Lebron James, Jr, age 11, apparently already has scholarship offers from Kentucky and Duke. Not sure if dad will give his son any advice, other than not to announce his decision on an ESPN special.
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Donald Trump’s campaign has apparently spent over $6 million, about 10% of their total expenditures, into Trump branded products, from water to wine to hotels.
Not sure the reaction is “That’s appalling.” Or “That’s shocking, only 10%?”
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Donald Trump’s latest to evangelical leaders, “We don’t know anything about Hillary in terms of religion.”
So he’s saying they should vote for someone like him who’s been married three times and wants to date his own daughter? #smh
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Donald Trump has added Michele Bachmann to his Evangelical Advisory Board. #Jesuswept
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US. Rep. Steve King, upset about the idea of Harriet Tubman on the $20, is proposing an amendment to a House bill to ban the use of funds to redesign any Federal Reserve note or coin. No matter that such an amendment would also stop the government from anti-counterfeiting measures. #Cantfixstupid #butyoucanreelectstupid
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Alabama jokes, college football jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, mexico jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
June 9, 2016
Justin Bieber apparently lost when he got in a fistfight with another fan after game 3 of the NBA Finals. On the brighter side, he reportedly put up a better fight than the Warriors.
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When you’re down 3 to 1 in #StanleyCupFinals isn’t calling it a “must win game” redundant? #Sharks
The way the #SJSharks play on the road vs. at home might they request the #NHL to play #StanleyCup game six in Pittsburgh?
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Mac Williamson hit his first home run for the SF Giants last night. Reports were he traded a signed ball and bat for the ball. Wonder if the signed items had Posey and Bumgarner’s names on them?
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My friend Darren forwards the information that the SF 49ers are favored in ZERO of their 2016 season games.. And somewhere in Ann Arbor you can hear the giggling
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Colin Kaerpernick says that while he and his “team” were looking at “different opportunities”, now “I’m a 49er and excited to work with Chip and his coaching staff. ” Translation, not as if anyone else really wanted me anyway.
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According to Philadelphia Magazine, 46% of voters said that the Phillie Phanatic would make a more qualified President than Donald Trump. Well, and on top of that, who doesn’t love the Phanatic?
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Apparently after NBA Finals game 2, assistant coach Phil Handy went off on the Cavs with a tirade about their performance and questioned the team’s toughness. Maybe Cleveland hired the wrong coach.
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#DraymondGreen did have best line from game 3: “They came out like their season was on the line, & we came out like it was peaches & cream.”
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Headline in Cleveland today? “All you don’t need is Love? #Cavs #KevinLove #NBAFinals
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Apparently three women are trying to raise $30 million for a super PAC titled “Women Vote Trump” So is this to support the Donald or to provide those women with mental health support?
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#PresidentObama is endorsing #HillaryClinton today. Wonder if he told her in a 3 a.m. phone call?
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But really, in 2007 what was less likely, that Obama would be elected, or that he would end up endorsing Hillary?
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#HillaryClinton says #DonaldTrump should delete his #Twitter account. Why? His tweets have to be one of the best things for her campaign.
Elizabeth Warren tonight “Donald Trump is a loud, nasty, thin-skinned fraud who has never risked anything for anyone and serves nobody but himself.” You know, Senator Warren could be really impressive if she would just stop sugarcoating things.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Cavs jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, Sharks jokes, Trump jokes, Warren jokes, Warriors jokes
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June 8, 2016
Today Californians went to the polls. And readers who don’t like my political stuff might want to skip down several items, or until the next post.
And for those of us who live in the state, all those annoying primary election ads will finally be over with. The general election ads start tomorrow.
You can call #HillaryClinton a lot of things. But especially given the alternative, people need to get used to the idea of calling her #MadamPresident.
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Absolutely amazing, my California Assembly district 24 is in the middle of Silicon Valley, has been home to Hewlett, Packard, Jobs, Ellison, Zuckerberg etc. And it’s MIDNIGHT election night and we still don’t have more than 71% of the vote counted. Ah technology….
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No network yet calling #CaliforniaPrimary for #Hillary or #Bernie, at 1230a June 8. Maybe they’ll go out on a limb before #Dem convention.
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Would support #Obama for 3rd term if there weren’t an amendment, but time for #Sanders to do as #Hillary did in 2008 #begracious #getonboard
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Really? Now today’s anti-Hillary social media rant is that she was wearing an expensive Armani jacket during a speech on inequality. And if she just wore mass-market clothes she’d be accused of being dowdy and not supporting retailers.
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Donald Trump said tonight he will deliver a “major speech” on the Clintons next week. Like Trump’s “major announcement” in 2012 on Obama’s birth certificate?
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Trump says now his comments about judges were “misconstrued.” Is that the Donald’s way of saying “Oops, even I might have gone too far this time?”
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Lindsey Graham is urging Republicans to rescind their endorsements of Donald Trump after the Donald’s racist comments about judges. Nice start, Senator Graham. Now how about going the next step – as in “We can survive four years of Hillary Clinton, we may not survive four years of Donald Trump.” #justsaynotoTrump
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Albert Suarez has had two starts in the major leagues. Both for the SF Giants. Both times he left with a lead. The first save was blown by Santiago Casilla, tonight’s game was lost in the 10th by Casilla. Maybe the next time Bochy has to get Suarez out of a game, he can promise to keep Casilla out too?
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Madison Bumgarner said in an interview that he isn’t much for souvenir baseballs, but he wishes he had the one he threw to Perez for the last pitch in the 2014 World Series. The ball was popped up for a foul out and was last seen in the possession of Pablo Sandoval. Let’s hope Panda didn’t eat it.
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Someone hacked #NFL twitter feed to announce falsely that #RogerGoodell had died. Out of habit, Goodell will be punishing the #Saints.
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In Missouri, a 15 year old boy apparently accidentally shot himself taking a selfie. Sad, because he was just a kid. But definitely a Darwin award junior division. #Ifonlyhewasarmed. Oh, wait, never mind.
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United Airlines has a new program called “Celebrate by United” where you can order something Duty-Free and have it delivered to a friend or colleague on-board an international flight. Flight attendants must be so thrilled. #whatcouldpossiblygowrong?
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Amazing sidebar to the #BrockTurnerRapist story. He has a sister. Just wondering if father #DanTurner would be so sympathetic to a young man if she had been raped in college. #20minutesofaction
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Plenty of good guys at Stanford too: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/hero-grad-student-describes-catching-stanford-rapist-article-1.2664718
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bernie jokes, California jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, primary jokes, Red Sox jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
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June 5, 2016
Refs in Oakland did call travelling tonight on Lebron James. Time for a congressional investigation? #NBAFinals
#Lebron & #Cavs in game 2 of #NBAFinals were so bad #ESPN might air new special #TheDecision – on where #Cleveland plans to go for vacation.
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Denver Broncos CB Aqib Talib was treated and released from a Dallas hospital after being shot in the leg at a Dallas nightclub. This is the same Talib who was indicted for allegedly pistol-whipping and shooting at his sister’s boyfriend in 2011, and questioned last year at the scene of an aggravated assault also at a Dallas nightclub.
Even Johnny Manziel is thinking this guy needs to get a grip.
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Police in Vacaville, California arrested five people for allegedly stealing $4,700 of Red Bull from local stores. Hmm, if the stuff really does give you wings wouldn’t they have flown the coup?
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They are now selling “Golden Grahams” cereal in boxes that feature Jose Bautista’s bat flip on the front. Wonder if kids who eat it are likely to get punched at school?
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Former George W. Bush Attorney General Alberto Gonzales defending Donald Trump for calling out a Hispanic judge: “If judges are not perceived as being impartial, the public will quickly lose confidence in the rule of law upon which our nation is based.”
Oh, I don’t know, Americans recovered pretty quickly after the 2000 election.
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ESPN just reported that #MadisonBumgarner has more career grand-slam home runs than #DerekJeter
Ryan Howard says a fan at his home Citizens Bank Ballpark threw a beer bottle at him. Not good. But really, isn’t selling beer in bottles in Philadelphia like selling arms to militants?
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Gary Byrne, a former Secret Service agent in the Clinton White House, is releasing a “tell-all: book next month about his time there and how the culture “sickened” him. And of course the fact that a book anytime in the last 8 years before the election cycle would have received little notice has nothing to with it. #money
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Donald Trump is doubling down on criticism on the Hispanic judge overseeing the Trump University trial, and says now he thinks he wouldn’t get a fair trial from a Muslim judge either. Time to start the pool on when he adds women judges to the list?
Waiting for #DonaldTrump to say no one can judge him. Because really he has no peers.
The father of the former Stanford swimmer convicted of rape and sentenced to 6 months in jall has written an open letter talking about how his son’s “life has been deeply altered forever…. he will never be his happy go lucky self…his life will never be the one he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 years of life,”
Well, yeah, and can’t imagine how all that apple and tree theory got started.
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From Marc Ragovin “The Yankees are holding their Old Timers game this upcoming Sunday. Or as its otherwise known, a split-squad scrimmage.”
Categories: baseball jokes, basketball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cavs jokes, donaldtrump jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, Red Bull jokes, SFGiants jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 5, 2016
Nice statement from President Obama today: ‘Muhammad Ali was The Greatest. Period. If you just asked him, he’d tell you.
But what made The Champ the greatest – what truly separated him from everyone else – is that everyone else would tell you pretty much the same thing.”
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So maybe if Trump isn’t a a complete fraud it’s time to test the man for severe memory impairment. The Donald quickly praised Ali last night, but in December after the President criticized his proposed ban Trump tweeted out “Obama said in his speech that Muslims are our sports heroes. What sport is he talking about, and who?”.
Here’s a thought about Trump’s praise of Ali after saying there were no Muslim sports stars. Maybe he doesn’t know Muhammad Ali was a Muslim. #heswrongaboutmosteverythingelse
Really boggles the mind to imagine what it would have been like if #MuhammadAli at his peak in a social media age? #mostfollowersofalltime
Ads on the #MLB “Game of the Week” telling us to go to Hooters for the food. Like old days of reading Playboy for the articles. #SFvsSTL
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You start seeing one of the problems for the Cavaliers. A SF Chronicle headline “Kerr has the magic touch; James searching.” The Warriors have a good team AND a real coach
Jeff Samardzija didn’t end up having a good day for the SF Giants, giving up 4 home runs in what seemed like about two minutes. But he did get a single and an RBI. Fox announcers seemed shocked. Clearly they aren’t paying attention. #Pitcherswhorake
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James Shields was traded to the White Sox. He was a disappointment with the Padres.But being fair, it’s hard to live up to the nickname “Big Game Shields” when your team has no big games.
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Canada is changing a line in their national anthem from “in all thy sons command” to “in all of us command.” Why? As Justin Trudeau recently said, “It’s 2016.” #IblameObama #IblameTrudeau
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Southwest. already the largest airline in terms of passengers beginning or ending their trip in the SF Bay Area, is adding nine more Oakland flights tomorrow. You know you’re getting old when you can remember when Southwest was the no-frills cattle call airline.
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Got to love marketing. On “Shout” stain remover it trumpets “Removes stains the 1st time or it’s free.” So since it’s not working on a stain (ink) I read the bottle carefully, find tiny print directing me to a website. A few more clicks, and ALL they need to send me $3.99 besides a lot of info is the cash register receipt from up to a year ago. Right, because we all save every receipt for potential under $4 windfalls….
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In Saturday’s U.S. Virgin Islands, Hillary Clinton had a big win and picked up all seven pledged delegates. Wow. Okay, before this year, who even knew the U.S.V.I had a primary?
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So we’ve got hockey, basketball and baseball going on now. But as TC points out after the Padres and Mariners split a pair in San Diego, 16-6 and 16-13: “When did the NFL preseason start?”
Categories: airline jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ali jokes, Cavs jokes, Janice Hough, muhammad ali jokes, muslim jokes, primary jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
June 3, 2016
And no, Cubs fans. Not a billy goat.
For all the talk of Islam as a warlike religion, remember, Muhammad Ali lost his heavyweight title over refusing to kill people in Vietnam. “I ain’t got no quarrel with them Viet Cong. No Viet Cong ever called me nigger…..”
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No regarding Muhammad Ali. I’m not a boxing fan. But when someone says that athletes don’t have a clue about life outside their sport….. #floatlikeabutterflystinglikeabeeandwalkthewalk
Donald Trump tweeted out that Muhammad Ali was a “truly great champion and a wonderful guy.” Guess after the Donald proposed his ban in December, he didn’t read Ali’s statement that Muslims “have to stand up to those who use Islam to advance their own personal agenda.”
The Miami Marlins may have been the first to report the death of Muhammad Ali. Well, guess they wanted to be first at something. (And with their attendance this year, not like too many people would have noticed if they were wrong.)
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Hunter Pence needs hamstring surgery and will be out about 8 weeks. Re his right field replacement SF Giants’ manager Bruce Bochy has probably already has told Madison Bumgarner -“NO!”
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#SFGiants need another outfielder in a hurry. Hey, that #Marlins hitting coach has looked pretty good leading his team in batting practice.
Giants scored 3 runs in the top of the 9th tonight in a 5-1 win. Ah yes, that moment when you think that MAYBE the #SFGiants are getting enough runs that you don’t have to play the #Casilla drinking game.
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Over 1 million people have downloaded a new Chick-fil-A app since Wed. because so doing means they get a free sandwich, worth all of about $3. Amazing. Wonder what we could do in the U.S. if we offered people free food to vote.
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The San Diego Padres blew a 10 run lead after five, in just two innings, to lose 16-13 to the Mariners Thursday night. And every player who’s ever stole a base or bunted in an out-of-control game just said “See!!!”
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Delta Air Lines says starting July 1, all movies, TV shows and music available from the carrier’s “Delta Studio” offerings will be free for both economy and premium cabin passengers. And any fare increase June 30 will be strictly coincidental.
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Your “feel good” story of the day courtesy of CNN: Apparently an alleged war criminal, accused of committing atrocities as a commander during Somalia’s civil war is working as a security guard at Dulles, and passed both an FBI criminal background check and a TSA threat assessment, Well, I suppose he can take care of people who bring that dangerous bottled water.
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The San Diego Union-Tribune has urged Republican readers to write in Ronald Reagan instead of Donald Trump in the June 7 primary. Why stop there? Why not Lincoln?
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Paul Ryan slammed Donald Trump over attacking the Hispanic heritage of the judge overseeing the Trump University lawsuit. Wow. That warm fuzzy relationship lasted about as long as one of Taylor Swift’s.
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Friday was National Donut Day. So guessing Donald Trump’s campaign had to survive 24 hours without Chris Christie.
Donald Trump is continuing to insist that there’s a conflict of interest to have Judge Gonzalo Curiel handing his Trump University case because Curiel, who is U.S. born, is of Mexican descent. At this point shouldn’t it be a conflict of interest to have anyone make a decision involving Trump if they have an IQ in triple digits?
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bonds jokes, Delta jokes, goat jokes, muhammad ali jokes, Padres jokes, SFGiants jokes, voting jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
June 1, 2016
In an interview, Barry Bonds said “I’m to blame for the way I was [portrayed], because I was a dumbass. I was straight stupid, and I’ll be the first to admit it.”
Not sure what’s weirder. Hearing him apologize, or hearing Bonds’ referred to as “the Miami Marlins’ hitting coach?” #SFGiants
In Switzerland, they just had the grand opening of a railway tunnel through the Alps dubbed “the longest tunnel in the world” at 35.5 miles. And down in Mexico they’re just giggling.
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#StephCurry let slip in a news conference that he uses Uber in the SF Bay Area. Wonder if they give him 3.0 pricing? #Warriors
Is there a more annoying sound in sports than the tomahawk chop? #Braves #SFGiants #Stopthechop
Santiago #Casilla has now blown 4 of 16 saves. So he’s right about as often as an NBA referee? #damningbyfaintphrase
#Casilla lost composure & blew lead so fast tonight you’d wonder if underneath his #SFGiants jersey he was wearing a #OKC #Thunder t-shirt.
No, I don’t play fantasy baseball. But saw this on Rotoballer.com, talking about closers in the NL West and their “status” (from a few days ago.)
: Stability Rating – Team Name – Current Closer
Solid – Diamondbacks – Brad Ziegler
Solid Rockies – Jake McGee
Solid Dodgers – Kenley Jansen
Solid Padres – Fernando Rodney
Questionable – Giants – Santiago Casilla
yeah, we know
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Anyone else feeling like an old baseball fan in remembering when players didn’t have hamstrings?
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Last night #JakePeavy pitched 1 hit ball for 7 innings, singled and scored the go-ahead run for the #SFGiants to win on his 35th birthday. “It couldn’t have happened to a nicer young man” said Jamie Moyer.
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First #BernieSanders got #Hamilton tickets. Then court side seats for #OKCvsGSW #Game7. Guessing his own private plane can’t be far behind?
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Former Baylor president Kenneth Starr, who so zealously prosecuted Bill Clinton, and who was reassigned as chancellor after the school’s sexual assault scandals, is now resigning that new post. Starr will, however, continue to teach in the law school.
What’s his first course this fall – “The law and people who think they are above it?”
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A Seattle burlesque dancer returning home from a Boston performance was told by a JetBlue crew the shorts and thigh-highs she was wearing were “inappropriate.” She had to buy pajama pants to get on the plane.
This would not have happened on United. They’d have let her board and just charged other passengers an entertainment fee.
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A USA Today article shows that Donald Trump “and his businesses have been involved in at least 3,500 legal actions in federal and state courts during the past 30 years. Ranging from skirmishes with casino patrons to million-dollar real estate suits to personal defamation lawsuits.”
Are we sure the Trump campaign didn’t leak the information in a shameless push to get more endorsements from lawyers?
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The PGA Tour is moving their Cadillac World Golf Championship from the Trump Doral course to Mexico City. Trump’s gracious response “I hope they have kidnapping insurance.”
I am beginning to see the Donald’s plan to have Mexico pay for that wall…. in order to keep him out.
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Hillary Clinton with Cory Booker in New Jersey: Hmm, could think of a lot worse tickets for November. #GoStanford
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Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baylor jokes, Bernie Sanders jokes, Bonds jokes, casilla jokes, golf jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes
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May 30, 2016
Watching Oklahoma Thunder with a 13 point lead just made many of us curious how they would choke it away this time.
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Why do I get the feeling the #Cleveland #Cavaliers enjoyed the heck out of this #Game7?
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Although in Cleveland they were really rooting for at least triple-overtime with #OKCvsGSW game 7. That and one more flagrant foul from Draymond Green to get him suspended.
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#Spurs have to be wondering, with all their teamwork, how did they ever lose to this bunch of talented selfish clowns. #Thunder #Game7
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Spurs also have to wonder if it’s too soon to send Kevin Durant a first date rose.
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Two floor seats for tonight’s game 7 between Golden State and Oklahoma City went for $29K each. $29 thousand just to watch a game? Most of the Thunder late in the 4th quarter of game 6 got paid for that.
#SJSharks made a valiant effort tying things up in the 2nd period. But they did their best late in 1st to make it easier on SF Bay Area fans deciding whether to watch #StanleyCup or #OKCvsGSW #Game7
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Demar DeRozan says he wants to stay, and Bismack Biyombo is apparently open to taking ‘hometown discount’ to stay in Toronto. The question is whether the Raptors can get another star.
Of course, with the US election Canada might be looking better and better…
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Donald Trump attacked New Mexico Gov, Susana Martinez for “not doing her job.” Well, that’s just because she’s a Democrat. Oh wait, never mind…
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According to the Washington Post, Texas has sued the Federal Government 41 times since Obama took office. So here’s a solution to a lot of things -let them secede, and let Trump bury the hatchet with Ted Cruz so they can run for president and VP of the new country. #Madematchinheaven …. or somewhere.
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The Marlins’ Derek Dietrich apparently escaped serious injury when he was struck in the head by a foul ball while sitting in the dugout. Hope he wasn’t texting at the time.
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Former MLB pitcher Spaceman Lee is running for Gov. of Vermont, on the Liberty Union (socialist) Party ticket. Lee’s issues – marijuana legalization and single-payer healthcare. And bringing the Expos back to Montreal. Well, that’s a whole lot more of a coherent platform than Trump started out with. Or still has.
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So is there a Prius ad in #AlexanderRossi‘s future? #whoneedsgas? #Indy500
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Have to love rookie #Indy500 winner Alexander Rossi who won the race on fumes. “I have no idea how we pulled this off.”. #honesty
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Lots of ads and emails – “Last Day of Memorial Day Sale.”. To be followed Tuesday by “First Day of Fourth of July Sale?”
A eight-hour internet server failure at JFK Terminal 7 meant that thousands of people had to be manually checked in yesterday, and many were stranded for hours. Terminal 7 was shared between British Airways and United until United moved to Newark last year.
So, yes, they said it couldn’t be done. But there are worse things than flying out of Newark..
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: game 7, Thunder jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
May 29, 2016
Alexander Rossi, who won the Indianapolis 500, decided not to pit late, so was running on fumes and literally coasting as he finished the race. So how many men will start explaining running out of gas to their wives and girlfriends – “Really, I was just trying to emulate an Indy driver.”
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Auto racing is weird. How many other sports have the “highlights” later basically be a blooper tape? #crashes #Indy500
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Ah for the good old days, when on Memorial Day weekend Americans who liked to watch complete wrecks could watch the Indy 500, instead of our Presidential race.
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Really? The #Indy500 is now being marketed as part of the “Verizon IndyCar series?” #howthemightyhavefallen
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So the #Dodgers are coming to SF to play the #SFGiants in 2 weeks. Is it too late to organize a #Giants laser pointer giveaway? #LaserGate
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Lost in yesterday’s #SFGiants 10-5 win vs #Rockies: Winning pitcher Cory Gearrin also got his 1st at bat. And 1st hit. #PitchersWhoRake
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Donald Trump has apparently narrowed his potential running mates to a “very small” list. Because there are only a “very small” number of people who will run with him?
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Bernie Sanders today on “Meet the Press” said that while he thinks Donald Trump would be a “disaster” as President, it is “the candidate’s job,” to draw voters in — not the second-place finisher’s job to instruct them on how to vote.
For all Bernie’s talk about changing the Democratic party, that was sure spoken like a man who is planning to switch his registration back to Independent after the election is over.
Shouldn’t an 8-3 lead in the 9th inning at #CoorsField be counted as a save situation? #SFGiants #Rockies
Wow. The Mets’ Asdrúbal Cabrera a home run hard off #Kershaw. Who does he think he is? Madison Bumgarner?
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Meanwhile, Kershaw has more than 200 million reasons to get over it. But as much as I dislike the Dodgers, have to admit, manager Davy Roberts pulls him in the 8th with two outs and a runner on first. The reliever promptly gives up the tying run, and get the win when the Dodgers come back in the 9th. #baseballisacruelgame
From T.C. “I know nusink about US politics, but I used to play ‘Bridge’. “3 No Trump” sounds like it may be a rallying slogan for his opposition?”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, holiday jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Dodgers jokes, Indy 500 jokes, Janice Hough, laser jokes, sanders jokes, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes
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May 25, 2016
Many Millennials may not remember Ken Starr’s relentless pursuit of Bill Clinton over his affair with Monica Lewinsky. Now Starr has reportedly been fired as President of Baylor University, over sexual assault allegations involving the football team.
Mean bitch karma for yet another win.
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Understand the frustration of Sanders supporters with the Democratic primary process and rules. But on the other hand, Bernie became a Democrat less than a year ago. It’s kind of like starting to play a sport for the first time and then complaining that you are being penalized or getting fouls called on you because you didn’t read the rule book. #stopwhining
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NFL chose #Atlanta over #NewOrleans for 2019 #SuperBowl. “Because we’d all so much rather spend #SuperBowlWeek in Atlanta” said nobody.
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The #SFGiants placed Angel #Pagan on the DL for the first time in 2016. So congrats to all those who had May 14 in the pool.
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So now it’s #VinceFoster. Can we start a poll on which ancient Clinton conspiracy theory #Trump will bring up next?
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Stephen A. Smith apologized to “all Canada, Canadians everywhere” for predicting that the Raptors would lose Monday. Now, when is he going to apologize to Americans everywhere for being Stephen A. Smith?
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The TSA has fired their director. Wonder how long he’ll have to wait for his severance check.
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Buffalo Bills general manager Doug Whaley said in a radio interview about football “Injuries are part of it. It’s a violent game that I personally don’t think humans are supposed to play.”
Waiting to see how much Roger Goodell fines him for this
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NPR is reporting that because Uber’s app goes into power saving mode when you are running low on battery, they can tell when your phone is about to die, and they know you are then more likely to accept surge pricing. But of course the ride-sharing company would never raise prices in such a situation, said no one.
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Presidential comment – Donald Trump has succeeded because he “tapped a waiting reservoir there of inherent racism.” Well, of course that’s what a black man like Obama would say. Except the comment is from Jimmy Carter. #southernman
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A new report says that Donald Trump sued Deutsche Bank to try to get out of $40 million in personal loans he’d used to build the Chicago Trump International Hotel. Trump claimed he couldn’t repay those loans because the 2008 financial collapse was an act of God. Huh…an “act of God?” Well, surely now he will claim it was Hillary’s fault.
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Playoffs ended too soon for Tim Duncan but Spurs maybe feeling a little less humiliated losing to 3 seed #Thunder. #GSWvsOKC #buzzsaw
#MattHarvey is still strugging for the #NYMets. Maybe #Mets should consider a straight up trade for #JakePeavy with #SFGiants?
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Rick #Santorum has endorsed #DonaldTrump. Well the Donald should be thrilled to pick up both Santorum supporters.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, ken starr jokes, NFL jokes, raptors jokes, sanders jokes, SF Giants jokes, TSA jokes
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May 21, 2016
Today was the #Preakness. Otherwise known to millions as the race that answers the question. “Do we care about the #Belmont this year?”
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#Exaggerator wins the #Preakness. Hope this isn’t an omen about #DonaldTrump
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Saturday’s rainy #Preakness Stakes had almost as much mud flying around as the Presidential race.
Now that #Exaggerator has won the #Preakness is he telling other horses about the #Belmont and his potential #TripleCrown win?
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While the Preakness was a good race, the sad story at Pimlico was that two other horse died earlier at the track today, one from a heart attack after winning a race, one after falling and breaking her leg. But wonder how many people are decrying horse racing while taking another bite of their hamburger or hot dog.
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The Oklahoma legislature is calling for the impeachment of President Obama over his bathroom rights directive, which they say is “biblically wrong.” Fine then, if it’s all about morals, shouldn’t they also be trying to get that “I’m just a girl who can’t say no” song out of their state musical? #OklahomanotOK
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Apparently some Americans are rethinking travel to Europe in the wake of 66 people being killed in the Egypt Air crash. So they’ll stay home and drive this summer, where about 3,000 of us will get killed each month on the roads.
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Another day, more plumbing issues at O.co Coliseum before #As #Yankees game. Insert “sh*tty baseball teams” joke here”:
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A Willie Mays 1952 Topps rookie card just sold for $478,000 at auction. And millions of men thinking of their own childhood collections are silently screaming “Mom!!”
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Have many wonderful #Cubs fan friends. For some reason they are a little quieter today than yesterday. #SFGiants
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Matt Cain, who hadn’t had a win since last July, had his first win for the #SFGiants in 2016, along with his first hit, a two-run double. And the Giants hung on to win 5-3 So clearly the way Cain needs to win is simply supply his own RBIs.
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Although closer Santiago Casilla, who gave up a home run to start the 9th in a a 5-2 game, once again did his best to stimulate alcohol sales around the San Francisco Bay Area. #Torture #SFGiants
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In Santiago, two zoo lions were shot and killed after they mauled a man who jumped into their enclosure. Poor cats. And what a shame. Deprived the guy of a Darwin and the zoo of a reduced food bill.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, belmont jokes, Cubs jokes, exaggerator jokes, Janice Hough, oklahoma jokes, Preakness jokes, SFGiants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 19, 2016
It’s a strange world when the U.S. Presidential candidate who has been married three times and had countless affairs is attacking the marriage of the one who has been with the same spouse for 41 years.
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Evil thought for the night, when is someone going to ask Trump if he’s been faithful to Melania?
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Two people are recovering in Augusta, Kansas, after a shooting during a high school graduation. The “shooter” had his gun in his sock, it apparently went off accidentally when he was adjusting the weapon because it was uncomfortable. #ifonlythestudentswerearmed
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Just think, had their offers been accepted #SFGiants could have both #PabloSandoval & #ZackGreinke on this year’s payroll.
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After two complete games back to back for the SF Giants pitching staff, Jeff Samardzija goes 8 innings allowing only 1 earned run. Wimp.
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#SFGiants bullpen pitchers are a competitive group. So no doubt they are keeping focused – wonder who’s the current Angry Birds champion?
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Two SF Giants, Lopez and Span, will be serving as baristas for an hour at two Peet’s coffee locations in San Francisco on June 7. Of course, this being the high-tech community no doubt some customers will only wonder “how fast can they serve coffee?
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When the Braves fired manager Fredi Gonzalez, he found out about it mid-road trip, via an email saying he had a flight back to Atlanta the next day. Sounds like the team handled the firing about as well as they’ve handled everything else this season.
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A new poll found that 90% of Native Americans aren’t offended by the Washington Redskins’ nickname. 90% of Washingtonians, however, are offended by the team’s sh*tty play.
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#MorleySafer 84, has died. Sad. He only lasted about 60 minutes after retirement.
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Donald Trump will use lawyer A.B. Culvahouse Jr to vet his V.P. picks, the same lawyer who vetted options for John McCain in 2008. And that worked out so well….
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Donald Trump, quick to condemn the Egypt Air crash as another terrorist attack. Seems likely. But “airplane departed from Paris. When will we get tough, smart and vigilant?”
So now Trump is going to tell these other countries he insults how to run their security?
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A lawsuit claims that Facebook illegally scans private messages for marketing purposes. And this is news how? #therearenoprivatemessages
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The Oklahoma legislature has passed that would make performing an abortion, except to save the life of the mother, a felony.
Well, at least the way the Thunder played last night doesn’t look like sports fans will have to worry much longer about spending money in the state this spring.
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Well, it’s good to see Marco Rubio back working hard in the Senate. The Florida Legislature wants a new statue, replacing one of a Confederate Army general, at the U.S. Capitol building. And Rubio tweeted out ““Here’s suggestion for #Florida which looking 4 help replacing state statue in U.S. Capitol.” With a picture of Tim Tebow. #priorities
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From T.C. “Texas second baseman Rougned Odor was handed an eight game suspension for his part in the brawl vs the Blue Jays. This will give him enough time to sign an endorsement contract with Hawaiian Punch.
Not to be outdone, look for Jose Baustista to sign a contract with Odor Eaters.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Braves jokes, Clinton jokes, gun jokes, Janice Hough, morley safer jokes, Rubio jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 18, 2016
MLB commissioner Rob Manfred says he is not happy with the longer length of games in 2016, about 7 minutes longer than last season, and will be looking at all kinds of ways to speed things up. Well, except possibly reducing the length of time for commercials.
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Lenny Dykstra, says now about the prevalence of HGH and competing with other players “I put (HGH) in my cereal man. It was in my cereal. We’re talking about the good stuff.”
So guess we are talking “Snap, crack and pop one out of here?”
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Watching quirky & wonderful @JohnnyCueto on the mound, doesn’t it seem like he should have always been wearing orange & black? #SFGiants
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#ESPN reporting that Jeff #Hornacek will be New York #Knicks new interim coach.
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Lebron James: “I have no idea what a common foul and flagrant foul is.” Based on this postseason, neither do NBA refs.
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#Thunder go faster than maybe any #NBA team from looking like team that could beat anyone to team who couldn’t beat the #76ers. #GSWvsOKC
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To mollify conservatives, Donald Trump has released a list of 11 possible Supreme Court appointees. Right. Note the term “possible.” Doesn’t mean he wouldn’t end up choosing Judge Judy.
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Donald Trump, comparing U.S. cities to Iraq. “There are places in America that are among the most dangerous places on earth. You go to places like Oakland…”
So here’s Oakland mayor Libby Schaff “Let me be clear, regarding @nytimes story, the most dangerous place in America is Donald Trump’s mouth.” Three word hashtag #yougogirl
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So maybe the #NeverTrump and #NeverHillary people can get together for lunch? With plenty of whine.
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Bartolo Colon is being sued for child support by a woman who alleges he has fathered two children with her, while being married to his wife for 21 years. With this and his home run, Colon seems to be trying really hard to debunk the notion that pitchers aren’t athletes.
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A Fox News poll found that voters U.S voters think that both Trump and Clinton have “flawed characters.” With all due respect, considering the insanity that is the modern electoral process, not to mention the polarization in Washington, hard to imagine anyone without a somewhat “flawed character” or at least a bit of insanity, wanting to run for President.
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from Marc Ragovin – “Donald Trump has released a list of 11 potential Supreme Court nominees if he is elected. Mitch McConnell has called for immediate confirmation hearings.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bartolo Colon jokes, baseball jokes, fox jokes(Megy, Janice Hough, PED jokes, sanders jokes, Trump jokes
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May 18, 2016
Dear Gawd. This actual tweet from Texas Gov. Greg Abbott. “JFK wanted to send a man to the moon. Obama wants to send a man to the women’s restroom. We must get our country back on track. ”
Well, I can think of one man I’d love to send to the moon. And Abbott can take Ted Cruz with him.
Dikembe Mutombo tweeted out congratulations to the 76ers on winning the NBA draft lottery. Before the lottery happened. Well this should do wonders for the rumors that it’s all fixed.
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Nancy Armour writing in USA Today says “Ban countries that dope from Olympics.” Well, that’s one way to get this upcoming mess of a Rio games cancelled.
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Alabama star LT Cam Robinson along with DB Hootie Jones were arrested this a.m. Both were charged with marijuana possession but Robinson, a potential top-draft pick, also with “felony illegal possession of stolen firearms.” Yep, he’s NFL ready all right.
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Maine got slammed with 4-7 inches of snow yesterday. And in Denver they’re going, aw, we can probably beat that. #snowinJune?
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A self-proclaimed mother of 12 has posted a video of herself walking through Target with a bible saying that the chain doesn’t protect mothers and children etc….. So I missed the videos where she was protesting the Duggars. And the Catholic church.
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The IOC has opened disciplinary proceedings against 31 athletes from 12 countries just found to have been doping when their samples were retested from the 2008 Beijing games. The IOC President’s said it sends a “powerful message to the cheats.” Right. Always use the most cutting edge drugs
So some are outraged because OKC’s Steven Adams, who is from New Zealand, referred to Curry and Thompson as “quick little monkeys.” He also quickly apologized. But does anyone think Adams would deliberately say that as a slur, playing on a team that is mostly African American? (And Klay is actually biracial.) #PCoverload
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Donald Trump said he’d be willing to speak to Kim Jong Un. At the same time he’s insulting UK Prime Minister David Cameron. If this were a proposed movie script it would be rejected as too far fetched
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Donald Trump also said his income last year was exceeded $557 million. And heck, aren’t all Americans on the honor system about their income with the IRS?
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#TrumpKelly interview tonight on Fox. Proving again that whatever divides us as Americans, people can be brought together by love of $$$$.
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After game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals Canada is going, well we still have Justin Trudeau and your potential leaders are…. #TORvsCLE
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MLB bans #Odor 8 games, #Bautista for 1. So if you want to take someone out in baseball, use your legs not your hands.
Ben Simmons apparently is hoping to be drafted by the Lakers so that he can get a bigger shoe deal. Sounds like a perfect fit for Los Angeles with that team-oriented basketball they practiced so well at the end of Kobe’s career.
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And never say never. Even so guessing that Ben Simmons is NEVER going to be a Spur.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, bathroom jokes, greg abbott jokes, ioc jokes, Janice Hough, Megyn Kelly jokes, Olympics jokes, Texas jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 