Posted tagged ‘Phil Mickelson jokes’

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Missed calls?

July 18, 2016

 

MLB’s Joe Torre sent a memo to managers and GMs telling them to stop arguing balls and strikes “This highly inappropriate conduct is detrimental to the game and must stop immediately.”
Uh, Joe, what about the “highly inappropriate conduct” of so many missed calls?

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Alphonse Taylor, Alabama’s starting right guard and a pre-season All-SEC pick was arrested for alleged DUI Sunday am. Well, no doubt Nick Saban will suspend him for at least a quarter of the season-opener, which is against…. USC.
Never mind, I am sure Saban will take care of matters internally.

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Two Florida teens were playing “Pokemon Go” in a car outside a house at 130am when the homeowner, hearing a noise, fired several shots at them. The kids were uninjured but found several bullet holes in the car in the morning. So what’s next for players, Pokeguns? ‪#‎ifonlytheywerearmed‬

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So when Scotland leaves after Brexit will it no longer be the British Open? ‪#‎TheOpen‬

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Although, seriously on a lighter note has there ever been a more riveting sports competition between two men over 40?  #Hoorayforoldfarts

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More sad news this morning, this time out of ‪#‎BatonRouge‬ . Seriously this ‪#‎goodguywithagun‬ idea is not working in the US.

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Trump today – “How many law enforcement and people have to die because of a lack of leadership in our country? We demand law and order.”
So if the Donald gets elected he’s just going to demand people stop shooting each other? If only there wasn’t that pesky 2nd amendment.

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The president of the Cleveland Police Patrolmen’s Association wants Gov. Kasich to temporarily suspend “open carry” for the sake of security during the RNC convention.
So where is Trump’s reply telling the police how much safer they will be with all those “good guys with guns?”

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Actor Antonio Sabàto Jr.will apparently now speak at the ‪#‎RNCConvention‬ for Trump. Even ‪#‎DWTS‬ is going, “who?”

 

So Mike Pence in a joint “60 Minutes” appearance with Donald Trump spent much of his time trying to explain the Donald’s positions in a more measured way. So will Pence be known as “The Trump Whisperer?”

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Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
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Lefty!

July 22, 2013

For non-golf fans, a 66 on the last day of the British Open is pretty close to a no-hitter in baseball: Well played Lefty, VERY well played.

 

And even cooler, the U.K. Telegraph notes how he spent much of the time waiting for others to finish signing autographs for fans.  Yes, we never know about athletes’ private lives – see Tiger Woods. But Mickelson is warm and friendly in public.  And while he may not get the most media attention, he is almost certainly the most popular golfer on tour.)

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No royal baby yet. But hey, even Kate and William wouldn’t have wanted to compete for headlines in Britain with Phil Mickelson.

 

ESPN, sitting on some amazing British Open highlights, had to wait until 1a for the Yankees-Red Sox game to be over on the East Coast. Good game but the network was thinking it would have been a good night for a 2 hour NL pitchers’ duel.

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Florida Gators LB Antonio Morrison was suspended from the team after his 2nd arrest in five weeks, this time for allegedly barking at a police dog and resisting arrest. But this, from ESPN, is the part you can’t make up “according to a police report Morrison’s defense was the dog barked first.”

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Then there’s West Virginia DL Korey Harris who was arrested Friday for first-degree armed robbery.  Allegedly he and two others broken into a home and robbed two people at gunpoint.  Harris was arrested because one of the victims saw the player’s uniform number 96 on his official Mountaineers-issued sweatpants and gave the information to police.

Korey Harris has been dismissed from the team. No word if he got to keep his sweatpants.

(And wonder if he’ll get some interest from the SEC.)

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John McCain said the Rolling Stone magazine cover with the Boston bomber was “stupid.” Wow. McCain knows what Rolling Stone magazine is?

 

 

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Have heard the SF Giants are not bringing Gary Brown up because he can’t hit right-handed pitching. And compared to the rest of the team their point is?

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A strained thigh may keep A-Rod from rejoining the Yankees Monday as scheduled. And millions of baseball fans are thinking “promise?”

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From Bill Littlejohn:  “Expos fans flooded the stands in the game between the Blue Jays and Rays to make their case for bringing a team back to Montreal–but in deference to Steven Strasburg, the effort shut down in the seventh inning”

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Fighting words.

January 24, 2013

Secretary of State Leon Penetta today officially lifted the U.S.  military ban on women in combat.

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Anyone who doesn’t think women will be able to hold their own in combat has clearly never been to the first day of an after-Christmas sale.

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Phil Mickelson says his comments over maybe leaving California over taxes were “dumb” and that “it was insensitive to talk about it publicly to those people who are not able to find a job, that are struggling paycheck to paycheck.” Give Phil credit, he’s quicker with a damage control than many politicians.

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The longest two weeks in football – Super Bowl hype time. ESPN says the Chicago Cubs “did everything they could to talk Colin Kaepernick into playing baseball in 2009.” Uh, they drafted him in the 43rd round….

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Sacramento basketball fans are hoping against hope that a deal will be struck to keep Seattle from taking their Kings. Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, fans are close to begging anyone to take the Lakers.

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Regarding Tim Brown’s allegation that coach Bill Callahan “sabotaged” the Raiders in the Super Bowl…. Uh, the Patriots’ offensive coaches have to hope nobody tells this story to Gisele Bundchen.

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Trader Joe’s is raising the price of “Two-Buck Chuck,” a wine that has been $1.99 a bottle since 2002, to $2.49. I blame Obama.

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Cheap shots, concussions, DUI’s, isn’t it great to see that the NFL is focusing on what’s truly important ? The league fined 49ers’ RB Frank Gore $10,500 for wearing his socks too low during the NFL Championship Game. To be fair, it was his second offense this season….

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The NCAA is now apparently facing allegations of improper conduct in its OWN enforcement program for college athletics. In related news, I hear there might still be gambling in Casablanca.

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Manti Te’o said he only lied about his fake girlfriend briefly, just after he found out she wasn’t real in early December. So, okay, but if Deadspin hadn’t broken the story, how many more years would he have kept the fiction up?.

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Comedy writers might be feeling a little let down this week, after the Manti T’eo and Lance Armstrong stories last week. But wait, JaMarcus Russell is making a comeback. Thank you, Jesus!

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Rand Paul today in attacking Hillary Clinton called Benghazi “the worst tragedy since 9/11. And I really mean that.” Uh, really? Benghazi was awful. But the worst? Some parents in Sandy Hook and thousands of military parents might disagree, for starters.

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From Marc Ragovin:  “The Tampa Bay Rays, formerly the Devil Rays, have signed Juan Oviedo, who used to go by the name of Leo Nunez, just weeks after signnig Roberto Hernandez, who was once known as Fausto Carmona. Their home opener is against …… The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.”

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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