Why is this day and night different?

Posted April 22, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

#‎HappyPassover‬. You know you’re in California when a woman in checkout line is whining about not being able to find gluten-free Matzoh.

 

Toronto Blue Jays Chris Colabello has been suspended 80 games for PED’s. Uh, considering Colabello was batting .069 this year, it’s hard to see how his performance was enhanced.

 

 

In Tennessee, the wife of a high school football coach has been arrested for allegedly sleeping with an underage player. Hmm, did she aspire to be a teacher?

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Commissioner Adam Silver said that a “change in the law” would be necessary for the NBA to keep the 2017 All-Star game in North Carolina. Just wondering, leaving the advertising $$$ out of it, wonder if another factor was players and celebrities not exactly clamoring to spend All-Star week in Charlotte.

 

Amazing, almost two days of nonstop coverage of the death of ‪#‎Prince‬, and no one has yet blamed it on Obama.

 

When President Obama and Michelle met the Queen and Prince Phillip at Windsor Castle, Philip drove the foursome 400 yards from the helicopter landing pad to the castle itself. Presumably the whole way with his left blinker on?

 

A Palm Beach zoo is defending itself against some who say they should have fatally shot the tiger who killed a zookeeper instead of tranquilizing it. But come on, the tiger was just standing its ground.

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McDonald’s sales are way up this year after the introduction of all-day breakfast. And I’m sure it’s just coincidence that this coincides with some states legalizing marijuana.

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Who says I never say anything nice about a Dodger? Brandon McCarthy has been in a Twitter argument with Curt Schilling over the bathroom issue, pointing out “What is stopping any pervert from already going into a bathroom not designated for them and doing what they want? Nothing,” And “Curt we’re talking about human beings with emotions and a desire to be accepted in normal society. Lumping them in w/ molesters and abusers is offensive to not only them but to a reasonable argument.” ‪#‎wellplayed‬

 

So while Curt Schilling is going off on the danger of transgenders in women’s bathrooms has he forgotten that the highest profile sports-related (alleged) bathroom sexual assault upon a woman involved Ben Roethlisberger?

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Meanwhile, across the pond, the British Foreign Office is warning gay travelers about the U.S., and “legislation passed recently in North Carolina and Mississippi” “Before traveling please read our general travel advice for the LGBT community. You can find more detail on LGBT issues in the U.S. on the website of the Human Rights Campaign.” ‪#‎GodBlessMurica‬ ‪#‎sigh‬

 

London Mayor Boris Johnson has gone after President Obama again after Obama wrote an op-ed in the U.K. Telegraph supporting Britain staying in the EU, saying the “part-Kenyan” President had an “ancestral dislike of the British Empire.”
Hmm, maybe Johnson doesn’t want to be Prime Minister, maybe Boris wants to come over here and work for Donald Trump.

 

Donald Trump’s campaign manager to the RNC “The part that he’s been playing is evolving into the part that now you’ve been expecting, but he wasn’t ready for, because he had first to complete the first phase…”
Right, the “part he’s been playing,” okay, and then the Donald will be out on the campaign trail accusing Hillary of being dishonest.

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Yuck, an asymptomatic pregnant woman in San Francisco who had been to Central America has tested positive for the Zika virus. Now, I would never presume to make this choice for her, but if she chooses to carry the pregnancy to term will the pro-birth crowd be okay with indefinite government funding if the baby is born with microcephaly?

Comments: 4 Comments

End of a purple reign

Posted April 21, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Wolf Blitzer just referred to ‪#‎Prince‬‘s most famous song “Purple Haze.” If #Prince wasn’t dead this might have killed him.

 

Justin Bieber on Prince “He’s not the last greatest living performer.” As if that might be true of Bieber if he were last man on earth?

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Trying to wrap my head around if Elvis had died during our social media era. Would have really truly broken the internet.

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Next year’s Grammy’s “In Memoriam” segment has been extended by at least an hour.

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Donald Trump is against the decision to put Harriet Tubman on the $20. Well, yeah, the Donald was expecting someday that Andrew Jackson would be replaced with him.

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My friend Rich de Give points out that “in Canada, they’ve already named the $1 coin in honor of native son Ted Cruz.”

Rich de Give
Rich de Give They’ve already named the Canadian $1 coin for native son Ted Cruz.

So has the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ offense decided to sit games out in sympathy with an injured ‪#‎StephCurry‬?

 

OK, ‪#‎Warriors‬ fans, does tonight really mean anything other than a little good news for game 5 ticket holders at ‪#‎Oracle‬ next week?

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‪#‎DwightHoward‬ is likely to leave the ‪#‎Rockets‬ in free agency. So ‪#‎Knicks‬, ‪#‎Bulls‬, ‪#‎Lakers‬, what team will Dwight underachieve at next?

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Donald Trump is against the decision to put Harriet Tubman on the $20. Well, yeah, the Donald was expecting someday that Andrew Jackson would be replaced with him.

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Donald Trump said if he is elected and the DOJ decides not to prosecute Hillary Clinton over her emails, he would instigate another probe “You have to do it. You have to take a second look,’ Right, because Trump did so well with Obama’s birth certificate?

A ‪#‎Prince‬ may have died today but Britain’s ‪#‎Queen‬ celebrated a 90th birthday. Congrats to her Majesty. & no we aren’t taking Elton John.

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When you give Jake ‪#‎Arrieta‬ 16 runs he is pretty much unstoppable. ‪#‎Cubs

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Regarding the Curt Schilling ESPN firing, sounds like the former Red Sox star pitcher has a lot in common with Pablo Sandoval – both would have longer careers if they could only keep their mouths shut.Regarding the Curt Schilling ESPN firing, sounds like the former Red Sox star pitcher has a lot in common with Pablo Sandoval – both would have longer careers if they could only keep their mouths shut.

 

Sears Holdings just announced that it will close 68 Kmart and 10 Sears stores. Shocking. Sears and Kmart still have stores?

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Apparently new bills authorizing FAA require airlines to refund checked baggage fees if bags are delayed 6-24 hours. (House and Senate versions differ.) Well, who says there is no bipartisan agreement in this country? ‪#‎everybodyhatesairlines‬

 

 

Okay, hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse: “Leave it the way it is…..There have been very few complaints the way it is. People go, they use the bathroom that they feel is appropriate — there has been so little trouble.” This sane comment actually brought to you by Donald Trump?!

 

 

 

Can we have a moment of realism with all this bathroom insanity? I remember some horrific bathroom crimes, a rape and murder of a teacher in Massachusetts, a little girl killed in a Nevada casino…. no doubt there are others. Don’t remember ANY of the bad guys being transgender.

 

 

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Money money money money…

Posted April 20, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

 

Former slave ‪#‎HarrietTubman‬ replaces slave owner ‪#‎AndrewJackson‬ on the $20. Mean bitch karma for the much delayed win!

 

So at this point in ‪#‎NBAPlayoffs‬ is the question less if there will be an upset than if one first round matchup will actually go 6 games?

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Although it’s April 20. So guess what folks? We’re exactly only 60 days from a possible game 7 in the ‪#‎NBAFinals‬ ‪#‎NBAPlayoffs‬

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ESPN just fired ‪#‎CurtSchilling‬. Too soon to start a pool as to when he might be hired by ‪#‎FoxNews‬?

Marc Ragovin suggested last night that after Schilling included an offensive cartoon in a Twitter post defending North Carolina’s anti-LGBT law. “Hey Curt, put a bloody sock in it.”

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Border agents just discovered a 2,600 ft tunnel from Tijuana to San Diego, with ventilation, a rail system and an elevator. Uh, Trump, about that wall…..

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Nike has ended its contract with Johnny Manziel. Alas, the QB couldn’t seem to figure out the slogan wasn’t “Just OverDo It.”

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Ted Cruz wrote a whining fundraising email about the sacrifices he is making to run for President – no sleep, no personal time, no family time…. And somewhere God is thinking. “Take a hint Ted, and go home.”

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Bernie Sanders was complaining tonight that “about 3 million” New Yorkers “were unable to vote today because they had registered as Independents, not Democrats or Republicans.”  Uh yes, that’s why they call them party primaries.
Maybe six months ago the campaign should have thought of getting people to register as Democrats if Sanders wanted to run as a Democrat….

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While some Democrats are battling over admittedly at times complicated primary rules, have to think some in the GOP are just laughing as they tighten voting rules for the general election. ‪#‎theREALthreattodemocracy‬

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Is it wrong that I’ve never watched ‪#‎LiveWithKellyandMichael‬, have no idea who’s in the right, and don’t really give a damn? .

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Is this really the best marketing line? A Sephora email says “Glow like you just came back from Rio.” Uh, with the Zika and the toxins in the water etc., have to think, could you come back radioactive too?

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Chicago Blackhawks forward Andrew Shaw, who at first claimed he didn’t “know what’s said” has now apologized for a gay slur directed at a referee Tuesday night “When I got home and saw the video, it was evident that what I did was wrong, no matter the circumstances.”
So he needed to see the video to know what he said? Does Shaw aspire to a career in politics?

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Uh oh, Ben Carson’s been on the Daily Show and now he thinks he’s relevant again…..”I think Andrew Jackson was a tremendous secretary. I mean a tremendous president…. I love Harriet Tubman,” said Carson. “I love what she did. But we can find another way to honor her. Maybe a $2 bill.”
At least he didn’t say $3 bill.

 

 

 

Just wondering, since inflation has hit everything else in the SF Bay Area, why does Facebook still cap you at 5,000 friends?

(and no, I don’t have 5,000 FB friends.  But people who I know do, and they can’t add me.  #reflectedglory)

 

Comments: 2 Comments

Long ago and far away

Posted April 19, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

#‎Spurs‬ tonight honored a couple celebrating 75th wedding anniversary at game. Fitting as their honeymoon was during Duncan’s rookie year.

 

Johnny Manziel, dropped by his agent, said in a statement he’s hoping to “take care of issues” and “play in 2016,”
Alas for Manziel, “play” hasn’t been the problem, “work” has.

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Pat Boone is saying that SNL is in league with Satan after a skit where a baker refused to bake wedding cake for a gay couple, titled “God is a boob man.” Of course, these days that seems increasingly true, He/She has certainly created a lot of boobs. Including Pat Boone.

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Whole Foods is opening two “affordable” 365 stores in the SF Bay Area. So will they be nicknamed “Half paycheck?”

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The British Government has indicated they will not be going for the public’s choice for their new research vessel – “Boaty McBoatface” Ah, come on, they don’t want to have the popular research boat in the world. ‪#‎BoatyMcBoatface‬ would probably end up with its own social media accounts and fan clubs….. ‪#‎nofun‬

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If the Brits don’t want “Boaty McBoatface” can the U.S. borrow it?.  Surely there is a Navy boat worthy of the name?

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One bit of bipartisan good news ahead. After tonight we won’t have to hear 24-7 about the New York primary.

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Donald Trump has now confused 9-11 with 7-Eleven. And the convenience store says “Don’t blame us, not even our Slurpees give you that much of a brain freeze.”

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NY Rep. Peter King before the primary   “I hate Ted Cruz, and I think I’ll take cyanide if he ever got the nomination.” And no doubt at least some New Yorkers were thinking “promise?”

 

What’s more surprising, the size of ‪#‎Trump‬‘s margin, or fact that 15% of New Yorkers actually voted for a Texan who trashed NY values? ‪#‎NYPrimary‬

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#‎Trump‬ says ‪#‎Cruz‬ just about “mathematically eliminated.” Which would mean something if ‪#‎GOP‬ paid attention to liberal concepts like math

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The Houston Chronicle reports at that “at least 22” local GOP conventions passed “secession items”, which could be brought up at the state conference in May. Now, there are hundreds of local conventions. But it could be fun. And would secession make Ted Cruz ineligible to run for President? ‪#‎wecandream‬

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Utah’s governor is about to sign a bill saying that pornography is “a public health hazard leading to a broad spectrum of individual and public health impacts and societal harms.”
So when men feel the urge to look at porn they should just go look for another wife?

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Ted Cruz today “America has always been best when she is lying down with her back on the mat.” Uh, WTF? Is Ted trying to be banned from from Utah under their new porn law?

 

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Tennessee majority leader Gerald McCormick is upset with businesses spoke out about the proposed LGBT bathroom law. “these companies who tried to blackmail us for this thing, when they come for their corporate welfare checks next year, we need to have a list out and keep an eye on them.”
But for the others, those corporate welfare checks will just keep on coming. Glad McCormick cleared that up.

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Comments: 2 Comments

Tanked?

Posted April 19, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

San Jose Sharks seem bent on proving there is such a thing as home ice disadvantage.

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Meanwhile the Warriors faced the Rockets without Steph Curry.  With a few more starters out it actually might have been a tight game.

Although as the Thunder faced the depleted Mavericks, once again OKC reminded NBA fans, seldom has a team done so little with so much.

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‪#‎SFGiants‬ had ‪#‎KevinHogan‬ throw out the first pitch on ‪#‎Stanford‬ night. They clearly should have signed him for the bullpen.

 

 

3 thoughts after ‪#‎SFGiants‬ loss tonight: 1. Casilla may be done as a closer. 2. Heston should not be a reliever. 3. Where is Timmy?

 

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Alas Hunter Strickland tonight reminded ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans why he is the closer of the “future.” ‪#‎didntthinkIwouldmissRomo‬

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Meanwhile, the Arizona ‪#‎Diamondbacks‬ road uniforms remind many of us of that day we put a black shirt or jeans in the wash on hot with our whites.

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A diagnosis on Pablo Sandoval’s injury has apparently been delayed by swelling in his shoulder. Thinking actually the Panda’s shoulder has not been where the problem swelling has occurred.

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‪#‎Ethiopians‬ won both the men’s & women’s ‪#‎BostonMarathon‬ today. Now ‪#‎Kenyans‬ know how we ‪#‎Americans‬ usually feel.

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Ebay actually pulled an auction for a Ziplock bag of AIR from inside Staples Center for Kobe Bryant’s last game. The bidding had reached over $15,000. Not sure what the bigger ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ is, the bidder, or Ebay in giving up those 10% seller fees.

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Ted Cruz apparently reiterated his position last week that he wants to return America back to the gold standard. So it’s not just women he wants to return to the 19th century.

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Michigan Governor Rick Snyder says he will drink water from Flint for “at least a month” to show support for the city, and to show that the water is safe to use with a filter. Your move, mean bitch Karma.

 

Just thinking, if other GOP candidates want to show solidarity on the subject of excessive government regulation, maybe they could call Mich. Gov. Rick Snyder and ask him to ship them some of that Flint drinking water. ‪#‎isitsafe‬?

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A video has gone viral of a woman in Toronto who scaled the fence to a tiger enclosure in order to retrieve her hat. She and the hat escaped unharmed. Another Darwin ‪#‎misseditbythatmuch‬

 

20 inches of rain or more and massive flooding in Houston. Awful, but now waiting for some of these politicians who want to secede from the U.S. to ask for federal disaster relief.

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On the subject of state’s rights etc, just found this quote from “West Wing” President Jed Bartlet. And what a shame he isn’t running in 2016:
“You think states should do the governing wall-to-wall. That’s a perfectly valid opinion. But your state of Florida got $12.6 billion in federal money last year – from Nebraskans, and Virginians, and New Yorkers, and Alaskans, with their Eskimo poetry. 12.6 out of a state budget of $50 billion. I’m supposed to be using this time for a question, so here it is: Can we have it back, please?

Comments: 3 Comments

High or cry time?

Posted April 17, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Wolf signed a bill legalizing medical marijuana. Does being sick of watching the Phillies lose count?

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Charlotte’s loss today to Miami extended their postseason losing streak to 11 games, third longest in NBA history. Almost a shame the Hornets couldn’t have a first round matchup with the Raptors. ‪#‎somethingsgottogive‬

 

Vince Carter had a good game for ‪#‎Grizzlies‬. For 2016-7 maybe he’s old enough to sign a free agent contract with the  ‪#‎Spurs‬?

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Two Syracuse football players are recovering with non life-threatening injuries after they were allegedly stabbed by a former teammate. ‪#‎ifonlyhehadbeenarmed‬

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Pablo Sandoval is flying to Alabama for a 2nd opinion on his injured shoulder from Dr. James Andrews. Either that or the trip is for the pulled pork and pecan pie.

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#‎LukeWalton‬ has apparently turned down head coaching job with ‪#‎Knicks‬. Guess he’s holding out for an offer from an ‪#‎NBA‬ professional team

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McDonald’s is opening a new restaurant in Missouri that will feature “all-you-can-eat” French Fries. So Missouri can now be the “Show Me How Fat We Can Get” state?

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The Treasury has announced Andrew Jackson will be replaced on the $20 bill by an unnamed woman. But Alexander Hamilton is staying on the $10. It’s about time for a woman on our currency. But poor Jackson, had they only written an “Old Hickory” hit Broadway musical….

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While some voters on both sides scream about free trade, a new Associated Press-GfK poll.poll shows that while Americans say they would like to buy things made in the US, 67% of them would buy the exact same thing made overseas if it were less expensive….

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A Nashville mom and her friend are facing charges after they left her 13-month-old daughter in a hot car while auditioning at a strip club. Apparently the friend was supposed to be watching the girl but went inside to watch the audition. The child is okay, and yes, it could have been a horrible story. But wonder how many people who are condemning the mom are both pro-life and against subsidized child care?

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Donald Trump on a possible contested GOP convention: “I hope it doesn’t involve violence. I hope it doesn’t. I’m not suggesting that.”
Why doesn’t Trump just say “It’s a nice little convention you’ve got planned. It would be a shame if something happened to it.

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Some angry voters are threatening to sue over New York’s closed primary, which requires them to have chosen a party affiliation 6 months before the primary. You think if they care enough to sue, they’d have cared enough to get their registration right.

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Let’s see, many who support Donald Trump do so because he’s rich and “successful.” But then some of those same people are against Hillary Clinton because of the money she has made. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

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Round one.

Posted April 16, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Most worried ‪#‎Warriors‬ fans after the first day of the postseason.  Those who finally scored playoff tickets, and they’re for game 5 at Oracle.

 

Since ‪#‎Raptors‬ are now 0-8 in ‪#‎NBA‬ playoff openers, wouldn’t it be more efficient & save wear on players just to forfeit game 1 next time?

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If you didn’t recognize ‪#‎DodgerStadium‬ you’d know the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎Dodgers‬ game is in Los Angeles. All those empty seats behind home plate.

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Right about now the ‪#‎Jazz‬ must be SO disappointed they missed the playoffs and a chance to take on the ‪#‎Warriors‬. ‪#‎NBAPlayoffs‬ ‪#‎sarcasm‬

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Nothing is certain but death, taxes and the ‪#‎Raptors‬ losing in game one of the ‪#‎NBAPlayoffs‬

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Hard to believe it was not much more than a year ago that many ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans were crushed when ‪#‎PabloSandoval‬ left to sign with ‪#‎RedSox‬

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Lakers head coach Byron Scott said that he “absolutely” expects that he will not be fired for next season. Translation, Los Angeles isn’t sure they can get anyone else to take on their mess.

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Ohio State held their Spring football game today, 100,189 people showed up. Guess there must not be a lot to do in Columbus on a weekend.

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McDonald’s CEO Steve Easterbrook made $7.91 million last year, up from $1.69 million in 2014. But it’s okay, executive compensation, unlike the pay of minimum wage employees, doesn’t affect the price of hamburgers….

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Okay this is just piling on, as if Americans are jealous enough of Canada already: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3543380/Not-just-pretty-face-Justin-Trudeau-stuns-room-reporters-scientists-perfect-answer-quantum-computing-question.html

 

Snow in Denver has cancelled 70% of flights and also postponed Saturday’s annual “420” marijuana festival. Well, most attendees probably weren’t going to show up until at least Sunday anyway. ‪#‎Dudewhensmyfestival‬?

 

A Muslim woman wearing a hijab was apparently kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight after she asked to change from a middle seat to an aisle because she was uncomfortable sitting between two men for religious reasons. Two responses – 1. Southwest probably over-reacted. 2. Not a bad idea. Especially when you’re a woman in a middle seat the men take the arm rests too.

 

 

If Bernie Sanders wants to attack Hillary Clinton for paid speeches that is his right.. But, not as if Bernie has been turning down the big bucks – from Ethics.senate.gov: “Anyone earning a Senate rate of pay at or above $123,175 may not earn more than $27,495 from all combined outside sources, including campaign work.”

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So while we’re all ragging on Hillary Clinton for accepting Wall Street money, and yes, we need campaign finance reform, just wondering, who paid for Bernie Sanders’ private jet to meet the Pope in Rome?

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Ted Cruz had a clean sweep of GOP delegates in Wyoming, all 14 of them. 14? Isn’t that about as many voters as there are in the state?

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In Philadelphia, a 4-year-old girl was fatally shot by her 5-year-old brother with their father’s gun. If only the girl had been armed.

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The pain, the pain

Posted April 15, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

The ‪#‎Braves‬ have won! Finally. Last week ‪#‎Atlanta‬ had a couple weeks that went this badly, Sherman was involved.

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After the NY Daily News printed a story that the Mets had sold most of the jerseys from the team’s first game in NY after 9/11, the team issued a statement “We admit that we made a mistake, and have instituted a new process with internal controls to prevent something like this from happening again in the future.”
So was the mistake profiting over the jerseys, or getting caught?

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John Kasich, in response to a woman student at a town hall in St. Lawrence University in NY saying she saying she worries about harassment on campus said “I’d also give you one bit of advice, don’t go to parties where there is a lot of alcohol.”
Can’t imagine how the GOP gets the reputation of being clueless on women’s issues. ‪#‎andKasichissupposedtobethereasonableone‬

 

With all the attacks on Hillary over taking money from Wall Street for speeches, maybe it’s time for her to requote the line “If you can’t drink their whiskey, take their money, screw their women and still vote against him in the morning, you don’t belong in politics.”
Bill would certainly volunteer to help with the “women” part.

 

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Starting for the 2017-18 season, the NBA announced that companies can buy a 2.5-by-2.5-inch advertising space on game-day jerseys. So that means by about 2020 those jerseys will resemble those worn by NASCAR.

 

 

The Minnesota Twins came back and beat the Angels tonight, following upon the Braves’ first win. So ten games into the season, nobody’s perfect.

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AMC says they are scraping a plan to allow texting in theaters after saying they have heard “loud and clear” that it “is a concept our audience does not want.”
D’uh…. even people who text in theaters do not want other people texting in theaters.

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Kim Davis’s lawyer is now apparently helping Kentucky leglislators draft a bill to restrict bathroom access for LGBTs. Hmm, presumably after the Kentucky Derby so everyone doesn’t boycott that too?

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Sarah Palin says “Bill Nye is as much a scientist as I am.” Shocking! Palin acknowledges the concept of scientists?

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Hillary Clinton last night in the debate “It’s easy to diagnose a problem. It’s harder to do something about a problem.” And many Americans on both sides of the aisle are thinking “No, just tell us you’ll fix it, don’t confuse us with facts.”

 

Jason Whitlock, not joining in the Kobe Bryant lovefest, said that Kobe’s narcissism and selfishness ruined the Lakers. Strikes me that he’s both right and wrong. In his prime, Bryant helped lead Los Angeles to five rings with that narcissism and selfishness. When his skills decreased and his demands, on and off the court, remained the same – well, yes, then, Kobe helped make sure the Lakers became, and stayed, a lousy basketball team.

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T.C. on reports that Kim Jong Un now weighs over 300 pounds. “If this dictator thing doesn’t work out he can try out for the Boston Red Sox.”

Comments: 1 Comment

What’s in an (insulting) name?

Posted April 14, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: debate jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Lots of uproar over a Sanders supporter using the term ‪#‎Democraticwhores‬. Hillary fans are outraged. Meanwhile Bill is going “whores?  where?

 

Really? A Rockies fan was kicked out of Coors Field for throwing a home run ball (hit by the Giants Trevor Brown) back onto the field. Good thing they don’t have that silly rule at Dodger Stadium. Madbum is hitting (and pitching) tomorrow night.

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Rough couple days for ‪#‎SFGiants‬ pitchers at Coors Field, giving up 21 runs in two days. But it could be worse, they could have given up all those runs interspersed with snow delays. (And yes, it is going to snow this weekend in Denver. Happy Spring.)

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Lots of attention on the Warriors winning 73 games. And over in Oakland the As are thinking “With luck we can do that this year too.”

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Meanwhile, in the NFL,  Oakland and SF may combine to honor Golden State: this year’s Raiders are likely to win 7 games, while the 49ers are likely to win 3.

 

So what’s going to happen next? The Golden State Warriors lose a game? Or the Minnesota Twins or Atlanta Braves win a game?

 

So with this the 9th Democratic debate  was there any point other than both sides hoping for a “gotcha” moment? ‪#‎sanders‬ ‪#‎clinton‬

 

American Airlines has complained that TSA lines meant 6,800 of their passengers missed flights in just one week from March 14-20. Of course American is not complaining about all the change fees they were able to charge those passengers.

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Microsoft is suing the DOJ to prevent the government from going through users’ personal emails without notice. The company feels strongly that such an invasion of privacy should not be allowed, except by Microsoft and their advertisers.

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Canada is looking into passing an assisted suicide bill for terminally ill patients, but will not allow “suicide tourism” for Americans. Especially presumably after the November elections.

 

In Wisconsin a high school teacher who has been charged with having sex with her 16-year old student allegedly slept with him the night of her husband’s bachelor party and sent him selfies from her honeymoon. Your move, Florida.

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Al Sharpton, after Bill de Blasio and Hillary Clinton used a reference to “C.P” time in a skit – “Y’all got to leave all these jokes alone. Just, don’t even talk about race for a while.” Does it count as a joke to reference black pots and kettles?

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All this commotion over the phrase “C.P. time” when used by NY Mayor DeBlasio, who is married to a black woman. Now, maybe in a P.C. age it wasn’t the best joke. But while we’re at it, I’ve heard in Hawaii and Jamaica and much of the Caribbean “Island time,” in Mexico “Mexican minutes,” from a lot of men “girl time” or “girl ready” and from someone married to a woman from Delhi “Indian Standard time.” So maybe we should all lighten up?

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The Lakers apparently sold $1.2 million in Kobe Bryant merchandise yesterday. Although just think about how much the team might have made had they released Bryant a few years ago and built a team that could reach the playoffs.

 

From Alex Kaseberg   “In his last game, the Lakers’ Kobe Bryant scored 60 points to beat the Utah Jazz. Now, I don’t want to say Utah rigged the game for Kobe, but Custer played better defense against Sitting Bull.”

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Records, records, who’s got records?

Posted April 13, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Congrats to the Warriors on 73 wins. Klay Thompson was asked yesterday if the team would celebrate with champagne “Absolutely not You’ve got to save that till June, man. I mean, you might have a glass of wine after the game, but that’s about it.”
And the rest of the teams in the Western Conference playoffs are thinking, “Are you kidding, a week-long all-night party would be more appropriate.”

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Open note to ‪#‎Warriors‬ fans, the wave is for when team sucks & there’s nothing better to do. Or when you’re ‪#‎Dodgers‬ or ‪#‎As‬ fans ‪#‎stayclassy‬

 

Kobe Bryant, 20 years with the Lakers. Impressive. Tim Duncan, 19 years with the Spurs – impressive. More impressive, Duncan has structured his contract and play to help his team still be relevant. ‪#‎thequietfarewelltourkeepsontouring‬

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Warriors set record for NBA regular season wins. Many casual sports fans thinking “The NBA HAS a regular season?” ‪#‎only2monthsuntilfinals‬

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Lots of fanfare for Kobe Bryant’s last game tonight. Probably just as well Bryant doesn’t have an heir apparent on the Lakers – might be too much to expect Kobe to pass anything, let along a torch.

 

‪#‎JakePeavy‬ started off the Giants game like a man who doesn’t want ‪#‎SF‬ Bay Area fans to have to decide between watching the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ & ‪#‎Warriors‬

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Boston #‎RedSox‬ placed ‪#‎PabloSandoval‬ on the ‪#‎DL‬ with a left shoulder sprain. Possibly caused by too much repetitive motion with a fork?

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#‎Braves‬ & ‪#‎Twins‬ play interleague games in July. So one of those teams will actually have to win games this ‪#‎MLB‬ season.

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Not a good April to be an Braves fan. The team is winless, and for those who say, “cheer up, it could be worse,” Atlanta outfielder Hector Olivera was arrested after a woman at the Ritz Carlton just outside D.C. called 911 to say he had assaulted her. Yeah, it just got worse.

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The Sacramento Kings will apparently fire George Karl as the 33-48 team will miss the playoffs again. Their next coach will be their 10th since 2006-07. Somewhere even George Steinbrenner is thinking “Jeez, show a little patience.”

 

AMC’s CEO said he is considering allow patrons to text during movies. Well, this should help speed up the process of getting EVERYONE to watch movies at home instead of in theaters.

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Harvard’s oldest exclusive club, The Porcellian, which is all-male, said in a statement to the Crimson (student newspaper):
“Forcing single gender organizations to accept members of the opposite sex could potentially increase, not decrease the potential for sexual misconduct.”
‪#‎Speechless‬ But proving once again, IQ points are no guarantee against ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬

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Volvo has promised “death-proof” cars by 2020. So who needs a hospital when you’re sick – drive around in a Volvo and live forever?

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Apparently the original Santana band is reuniting for the first time since 1973. So after 43 years they’ve either decided to let bygones be bygones…or they can’t remember why they broke up in the first place?

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Ivanka Trump, blaming her inability to vote for her father on the state – “New York has one of the most onerous rules in terms of registration, and it required us to register a long time ago, almost — close to a year ago….(uh, actually you have to declare a party six months in advance.) Looks like the apple doesn’t whine far from the tree.

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Many states’ voting rules seem designed to keep poor and uneducated people from voting. Kudos to New York for bucking the trend by apparently making it harder for rich and lazy people. ‪#‎Trumps‬

 

Congrats to Lynn Swann for getting the USC AD job. So what exactly are Swann’s qualifications though – he was a star Trojan football player and he hasn’t been arrested?

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“Affluenza” teen Ethan Couch has been tentatively sentenced to a two-year jail term, although the judge gave Couch’s defense two weeks to make an argument for him to reconsider. Reconsider? As in maybe give him at least four years?-

Comments: 3 Comments

Early Halloween?

Posted April 12, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

 

Of course it’s only April, but the two Orange & Black teams in ‪#‎MLB‬ are a combined 14-2. ‪#‎Orioles‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

 

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#‎BusterPosey‬ might be googling ‪#‎WallyPipp‬ on his phone about now. ‪#‎TrevorBrown‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

 

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#‎BruceBochy‬ said before Monday’s  ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎Rockies‬ game he’d like ‪#‎TrevorBrown‬ to hit a home run in all of his starts. So is  ‪#‎Brown‬ taking him seriously?

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#‎Dodgers‬ payroll over $253,000,000. Now ‪#‎MagicJohnson‬ was 1 of greatest ever ‪#‎NBA‬ players. But did anyone tell him ‪#‎MLB‬ teams need something called a bullpen?

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Tickets to Kobe Bryant’s last game are going for at least $800. But really, if you just wanted to see Bryant play a meaningless game, for that price you could have probably bought tickets to the Lakers whole home season.

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Headline: “Lindsay Lohan is engaged. ” And most Americans no doubt are thinking “in what?”

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Popular porn site xHamster announced yesterday that when anyone with a North Carolina IP address visits the site, they will be asked if they support the new anti-LGBT law. If they say “yes,” they will be blocked. Now that’s REALLY hitting below the belt.

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John Kasich again last night in an interview said there is “zero” chance he would serve as v.p. “I would be the worst vice president the country ever saw. I’m not a vice president, I’m a president.”
Somewhere Dick Cheney is going “And your point is?”

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Paul Ryan, “Let me be clear: I do not want, nor will I accept the nomination for our party.”
Didn’t he say the same thing about becoming Speaker?

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The NFL has denied Josh Gordon’s petition for reinstatement. Of course, it doesn’t help when you petition AND fail a drug test in the same month.
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Music producer and reality tv star, David Gest, 62, known best to Americans as Liza Minnelli’s ex-husband, was found dead at a London hotel today. He had been preparing to tour with a new show “David Gest Is Not Dead But Alive With Soul.” Guess maybe it wasn’t the best choice of title. ‪#‎bustohell‬

 

 

Donald Trump is upset about the possibility about losing the GOP nomination despite having the most delegates. “The system, folks, is rigged. It’s a rigged, disgusting, dirty system.”
Now Trump doesn’t really have a problem with a rigged system, he’s just used to being the one doing the rigging.

 

And btw, who says the Spurs are boring?    Though just guessing none of them will get a call anytime soon from #DWTS.   https://twitter.com/spurs/status/719925467042582528/photo/1

 

Comments: 6 Comments

Mistakes may not have been made.

Posted April 11, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

The NCAA reportedly approved a 3-year moratorium on new bowl games. What a disappointment for all those 6-6 teams who just missed last year’s postseason.

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That moment when even ‪#‎ESPN‬ on ‪#‎BaseballTonight‬ says “It’s an even year, don’t bet against the ‪#‎SFGiants‬. ‪#‎Hellhasfrozenover‬

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Jordan Spieth is still the favorite at 7-1 to win the U.S. Open in June, at the Oakmont Country Club in Pennsylvania. Assume Oakmont doesn’t have any water hazards?

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Even if you’re not a ‪#‎Warriors‬ fan have to appreciate that their quest for the record has knocked ‪#‎KobeBryant‬ farewell tour off ‪#‎ESPN‬ Wed

 

Urban Meyer is upset with the new NCAA rule deregulating electronic communication with potential recruits, which means coaches can now send unlimited texts to student-athletes. Translation, Urban Meyer doesn’t know how to text..

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Suppose we shouldn’t be shocked but Mr. “Make America Great” again can’t even make his children register to vote correctly? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎butcanweelectstupid‬

 

Monday was ‪#‎NationalPetDay‬. And cats are sniffing “EVERY day is National Cat Day.”

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Warriors announcer Bob Fitzgerald wasn’t very happy with Spurs fans waving thundersticks yesterday, calling them “some jerk off fans trying to screw up the telecast.” Well, if Golden State ends up playing back in San Antonio am sure those fans will go out of their way to be welcoming.

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The White House has asked Congress for $1.9 billion to fight Zika, and the CDC is saying “Everything we look at with this virus seems to be a bit scarier than we initially thought,” and that it has been linked to a “to a broader array of birth defects throughout a longer period of pregnancy…”
And the GOP in Congress is now accusing Obama of trying to “politicize” Zika. Right, because heaven forbid the US try to protect fetuses in a way that costs money

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Donald Trump says that John Brennan’s pledge not to waterboard is “ridiculous.” Right, because who knows more about effective interrogation, Trump or the director of the CIA? And who is Trump planning to appoint to the job – Jack Bauer?

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Joe Biden said in an interview that while both Democratic candidates are “totally qualified”, he would “like to see a woman elected.” Maybe especially because it would be easier for Joe to think Hillary was inevitable than to think he could have started late like Sanders and actually won.

 

Newly released court documents say that Robert Dear Jr., who confessed to killing three people at a Colorado Planned Parenthood clinic, told police he dreamed he’ll be met in Heaven by aborted fetuses wanting to thank him for saving unborn babies. So where are the GOP “pro-lifers” applauding him right here on Earth?

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Tim Spector, a professor at King’s College, London, said that dieting is less about calories, and more about good bacteria. So cheese, chocolate, nuts, and red wine are all smart choices for those trying to control their weight. Well, that calls for opening a bottle!

Comments: 1 Comment

The wrong kind of splash hit?

Posted April 10, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Jordan Spieth’s 12th hole today at the  ‪#‎Masters‬ might have been worst the few minutes for top golfer in recent history not involving an Escalade.

 

‪#‎SFGiants‬ are heading to Denver, where rookie Trevor Story has hit 7h home runs in six games. Just guessing Giants’ hitters find this story a lot more fun than their pitching staff.

 

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So maybe it wasn’t so shocking that ‪#‎SFGiants‬ came back from a 5-0 deficit in the 1st. But that ‪#‎Cueto‬ went 7 and was winning pitcher?

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The Mets wear 1986 throwback jerseys today and promptly get beat by the ‪#‎Phillies‬. Time to throw the jerseys back?

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Great, now the Warriors season “Running down Bulls record” is “sponsored by American Express. And some wonder why kids get the idea sports is all about money?

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T.J.Ward is the second player on the Denver Broncos to publicly support Johnny Manziel joining the team, saying he would welcome the QB with “open arms.” So this brings up a two-part question – how talented is Manziel and how toxic is Kaepernick?

 

I know ‪#‎Yankees‬ rule the ‪#‎ESPN‬ world, but in April might have been a good weekend to have ‪#‎Dodgers‬ ‪#‎Giants‬ be the  ‪#Sundaynightbaseball‬ game.  (Yankees Tigers were rained out.)

 

Arizona Cardinals coach Bruce Arians told coaches at a high school clinic that one of football’s biggest problems is “moms.” No joke. Saying our sport is “being attacked. It’s the best game that’s ever been f—ing invented. And we have to make sure that moms get the message, because that’s who’s afraid of our game right now. It’s not dads; it’s moms.”
Right, and the problem isn’t concussions either. Is Arians trying to prove he’s anti-woman enough to join the GOP race for President?

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Much talk now over an interview Laura Bush gave  “I want our next president—whoever he or she might be—to be somebody who is interested in women in Afghanistan and who will continue U.S. policies, adding that person should “pay attention to our history, and know what’s happened before and know specifically how we can continue to do the good things that we do around the world.”

Some interpret her words as saying she will vote for Hillary Clinton.  But hey,  if Trump and Cruz are the GOP choices, say what you want about W., but no one ever accused Laura of being that conservative. Nor bat-sh*t crazy.

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A Politico article asks “Can GOP Elites Really Turn Back the Clock in Cleveland?” Meaning, can they pick a candidate who never entered the primaries. Although would it really be that surprising? Most of the candidates who are and have been in the primaries want to turn the clock back for women to the 19th century.

 

If elected, how long until Donald Trump outlaws the Boston Globe?   globe

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Kings of the road?

Posted April 9, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

The San Diego Padres have scored 0 runs in 3 games at Petco & 29 runs in 2 games at Coors.   Will hitters petition to play 2017 home games in Denver?

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‪#‎SFGiants‬ are experimenting with batting the pitcher 8th. ‪#‎MadBum‬ is making a strong pitch to bat at least 6th.

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Seriously, from ESPN, since 2014, Madison Bumgarner has hit a HR every 8.4 ABs at AT&T Park. Barry Bonds’ career AB/HR at AT&T Park: 8.8.
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So when his arm finally tires, will Madbum move to the AL as a  DH?
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Lip readers had a treat watching Kershaw after Madbum took him deep, again. “Are you f*cking sh*tting me?”

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Not that most announcers aren’t homers, but Golden State Warriors TV announcers spent much of the game complaining about foul calls their team wasn’t getting.  Then at the end of a 100-99 game when Lance Stephenson was hacked more than once…. crickets.

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Zach Johnson missed the cut at the Masters after a replay showed that his club accidentally touched the water when his ball was partially submerged and he was assessed a 2-shot penalty. And people think the balk rule is arcane.

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The cost of mailing a letter will drops to 47 cents starting April 10. And millennials are going “What’s a letter?”

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It’s been two days since the American Idol final finale. So have we all forgotten the name of the white guy with a guitar who won yet?

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LB Von Miller says if it were up to him, he’d have Johnny Manziel on the Broncos. Hmm, can you get concussions from being on Dancing on the Stars?

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Has Bernie Sanders just forfeited any claim to outsider status? He and his wife were seen attending a performance of “Hamilton.” Uh, even most 1 percenters can’t get those tickets.

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Cruz says he was “double-crossed” by Kasich in Michigan for delegate spots, Kasich’s campaign said the Cruz campaign broke their end of a deal first. Oh this horrible GOP on GOP violence. ‪#‎ifonlytheywerearmed‬

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So as some in the GOP like to talk about Bill Clinton’s indiscretions while Hillary is running for president, it’s interesting to note that the Speaker who led the proceedings was having an affair, his replacement quit after news broke of multiple affairs, and then HIS replacement turns out of have molested at least four teenage boys. ‪#‎Familyvalues‬

Comments: 2 Comments

Sad and not so sad story

Posted April 9, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Trevor Story, 23, has now become the first MLB rookie to hit home runs in his first four games. Story is starting only because Jose Reyes is serving a suspension under the new domestic abuse policy for an alleged incident with his wife last fall. So maybe mean bitch Karma is a baseball fan.

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Mean bitch karma knows you NEVER pull someone pitching no-hitter, even & especially a kid in 1st ‪#‎MLB‬ start. ‪#‎Dodgers‬ ‪#‎Giants‬ ‪#‎Stripling‬
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In Orlando, Dino Rentos Studios says they broke the record for the world’s largest bobblehead. Was it a life-size model of ‪#‎SFGiants‬ manager Bruce Bochy?

 

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#‎SDPadres‬ act like an ‪#‎NLS‬ team with no scoring against ‪#‎Dodgers‬ for 3 games, & then an ‪#‎NFL‬ team today against ‪#‎Rockies‬ – 13-6 final.‪#‎WTF‬?

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Ouch. It’s only the first week, and Chicago outfielder Kyle Schwarber is out for the season with a torn ACL and LCL in his left knee. Did someone put the Cubs on the cover of Sports Illustrated or something?

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A California man scaled a 600-ft rock in Morro Bay to propose to his girlfriend via FaceTime. She said yes, but then her new fiance got stuck and had to be rescued by helicopter.
Guess she’s not marrying him for his brains.

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New York City is expecting snow this weekend. Who to blame? Maybe too many Republicans said hell would freeze over before they endorsed Ted Cruz for the Presidency?

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San Antonio rested their regulars tonight in Denver. Sometimes it’s good to be Gregg Popovich – having the Spurs kind of players probably means he doesn’t have to worry about them then overindulging in Colorado with room service brownies etc.

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The NFL released their preseason schedule today. Surprised ESPN didn’t devote a four-hour long show to it.

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A 28 year-old Texas middle school teacher has been arrested for sending nude photos to a former student, now in high school, on Snapchat. The boy reportedly deleted them but his friends sent screenshots around.
The woman was charged with misdemeanor distribution of harmful material to a minor. And presumably felony stupidity? ‪#‎nothingisprivateontheinternet‬.

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Ted Cruz’s campaign manager said that if Donald Trump “doesn’t get over 50% in New York, he should probably consider dropping out.” Right, so how much did Ted Cruz get in Texas? 43.8%.

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The NFL released their preseason schedule today. Surprised ESPN didn’t devote a four-hour long show to it.

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Dianne Feinstein wrote an op-ed urging her colleagues to consider Judge Garland, saying his “long record of public service calls for fair consideration, open hearings and a vote. Refusal to do this would, in my judgment, only further diminish the Senate in the eyes of the American people.”
Although, really, can anyone further diminish the Senate than Ted Cruz?

 

 

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Fever pitch

Posted April 7, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

openingday

Caught a five hour case of flu today. ‪#‎Giantsfever‬. ‪#‎BeatLA‬

 

#‎Dodgers‬ team ERA for year just went from zero to over three in four innings ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎SFGiantsOpeningDay‬

 

 

San Diego heads to Coors Field without having scored a run in any of their first three games. Are the Padres trying to be the official MLB team of Coke Zero?

(Frank. W. says, “of course the Padres haven’t scored this season. Padres are supposed to be celibate.)

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Waiting for an atheist to file a “freedom from religion” lawsuit against playing “God Bless America” at baseball games ‪#‎SFGiantsOpeningDay‬

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20,000 of Ivanka Trump’s branded scarves are being recalled due to a “burn risk.” But that’s not the interesting part, the Donald’s daughter has her scarves made in China. ‪#‎onlylittlepeoplepaytariffs‬?

 

Wynn Resorts founder Steve Wynn reportedly told investors “Rich people only like being around rich people. Nobody likes being around poor people, especially poor people.” Hmm, is Wynn angling for a position in a possible Trump cabinet?

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Whole Foods is opening “Whole Foods 365” in Los Angeles this May. They say it will be their first “budget-friendly” store. So folks, we have a new nominee for 2016’s top oxymoron.

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In London, footage is circulating of a mysterious large shape apparently swimming in the Thames river, leading some to speculate about the Loch Ness Monster. It would of course, be inappropriate to make a Chris Christie on Spring Break joke.

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A recent poll found that Donald Trump is disliked by 7 out of 10 people. And Ted Cruz is thinking “amateur.”

 

Ted Cruz is not backing down from his “New York values” comment. Translation, Cruz knows he’ll lose New York and figures the criticism will help him in other states.

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Actually if Cruz really had the cojones to thumb his nose at New Yorkers he’d get photographed eating pizza with a fork.

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So all these Republicans who can’t stand Ted Cruz are supporting him because they hate Donald Trump more. Now, one question if he actually gets elected – how is the GOP going to find enough people to put up with him and serve in a Cruz cabinet?

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So the latest attack on Hillary Clinton is that she needed several swipes to get her Metrocard to work on the NY subway. You mean it’s possible to get it right on the first try?

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So I would take these “religious freedom” types much more seriously if, for example, before they served heterosexual couples they would require to prove they were married, to each other. And refused to bake wedding cakes for any couple who wouldn’t swear they were both virgins.

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Must be nice to be such a special snowflake that you can not only ignore the request on the train to turn cellphones to vibrate but you can keep a phone conversation going for a good 20 to 30 minutes. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

 

#‎AmericanIdol‬ reminds us on ‪#‎IdolFinale‬ of one reason the show is ending. ‪#‎toomanywrongchoices‬ ‪#‎toomanyforgettablewinners‬

Comments: 2 Comments

Zero is a number, right?

Posted April 6, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

 

So in 2016 what’s more likely in California? The ‪#‎Warriors‬ get to 73 wins? Or the ‪#‎Padres‬ get to 73 runs?

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#‎SDPadres‬ are working on a three game scoreless streak to open 2016 season. Are they trying to become official ‪#‎MLB‬ team of ‪#‎MLS‬ Major League Soccer.

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Well, darn, the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ aren’t going to go 162-0. Probably better off not to tire them for the playoffs anyway.

Blue Jays manager John Gibbons complained after MLB’s new slide rule cost Toronto a run in a 5-3 loss to the Rays, “They’re trying to put dresses on us.” Uh, Gibbons, whine all you want. Then go watch “League of their Own” and find a new metaphor. ‪#‎Theresnocryinginbaseball‬

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Rockies rookie SS Trevor Story is the first MLB player since 1900 to homer in his first three games. Even more amazing, Story hasn’t played at Coors Field yet.

 

Open note to @SenSanders & @HillaryClinton: Knock off the negativity. When ‪#‎GOP‬ is in a circus hole, stand back & watch them dig tent poles.

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Meanwhile, how powerful is ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬? He’s managed to make ‪#‎TedCruz‬ seem like the more palatable GOP alternative.

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At a Texas elementary school, the principal has banned parents from setting foot on campus, meaning they can neither walk their kids to school nor pick them up, unless those parents wait in a long line in their cars. ‪#‎ifonlytheywerearmed‬ No, wait…. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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George Mason, whose law school wanted to honor the late Supreme Court Judge, has now switched its name to Antonin Scalia Law School. This after the internet pointed out the original change -the Antonin Scalia School of Law – was ASSLaw or ASSoL. Think they had it right the first time.

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No injuries were reported when Apple employee shuttle bus caught fire today on a freeway in Northern Calfornia at about 630a this morning. It’s actually a shocking story – there are computer geeks UP at 630a in the morning?

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Your daily dose of “blech”: Ann Coulter is now saying that Donald Trump will protect Americans from “Latin American rape culture.” Not sure which is harder to believe, that women would have affairs with Ted Cruz or that men of any culture would want Ann Coulter.

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Walt Disney World is now offering guests who pay an extra $69 per person ($59 for kids) the chance to enter the Magic Kingdom earlier and avoid some of the longest lines. Great, leaving aside the class divide aspect, now in the summer, we can look forward to even grouchier parents yelling at their hot and even tireder kids about how much money they spent and THEY.SHOULD.BE.HAVING.FUN.DAMMIT

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United Airlines is celebrating their 90th birthday. Curiously enough, that seems to be the same age as some of their planes.

 

Pfizer Inc, which had planned to avoid U.S. tax rates by merging with Allergan Plc, of Ireland, has scrapped the deal after the Treasury instituted new anti-inversion rules. I blame Obama.

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John Kasich can clinch the GOP nomination if he wins 125% of the remaining primary delegates. Well, math was always a liberal commie pinko concept anyway.

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In San Francisco, ParkingCupid, parking version of Airbnb is offering parking places in garages and driveways for up to $400 a month. At that price are customers allowed to sleep in their cars?

Comments: 1 Comment

It’s a start.

Posted April 5, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

It’s only 1 game, but right this second ‪#‎SFGiants‬ not feeling too badly about losing out on Zack ‪#‎Greinke‬ & having to sign Johnny ‪#‎Cueto‬

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Several Patriots fans are now suing the NFL and Roger Goodell over the league’s punishment for the Deflategate scandal. “Right, because that poor franchise never gets a break,” said nobody outside New England.

 

All the hype on Warriors network about upcoming ‪#‎GoldenState‬ ‪#‎SanAntonio‬ matchup Thurs. Right, Pop might even play one of ‪#‎Spurs‬ starters.

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In the first game of the season, Chase Utley has started another controversy with a slide that some thought was dirty at home plate. Well, if he makes a pattern of it, MLB won’t need a Chase Utley rule, as some pitcher will apply the Drysdale rule and put Utley on the DL.

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At Disneyland Paris, a worker was apparently electrocuted inside the Haunted Mansion ride. So sounds like they’ll have to update the French version of “999 happy haunts, but there’s always room for one more…” ‪#‎Disneybustohell‬

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RNC Chairman Reince Priebus is now warning Trump that the Donald made a loyalty pledge to the eventual GOP Presidential nominee. Right, like that’s going to make any difference to the man who three times has said “Until death do us part.”

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Despite watching major backlash in Georgia and North Carolina, Mississippi’s governor Phil Bryant today signed a law allowing businesses to refuse service to gay couples based on employers’ religious beliefs. Maybe because Bryant figured no one from outside the state wants to do business or visit Mississippi anyhow?

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A man was arrested in Atherton, California for vandalism and trespassing after he spray-painted graffiti at various locations around town. Police were able to figure out it was him because the graffiti all included his NAME. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

 

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In Alabama, a bipartisan group of legislators is moving to impeach Gov. Robert Bentley over a sex scandal over leaked tapes of his conversations with a female aide. Bentley is maintaining that despite the explicit nature of the tapes, that he never actually committed adultery. So the Governor’s DEFENSE is that he’s another politician who is all talk and no action.

 

A tale of two approaches to America’s problems. President Obama and the Treasury Dept are proposing tighting regulations on billion dollar corporate tax inversions, and Trump is going to build a wall by stopping poor illegals from sending some of their low wages back to Mexico.

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There’s a fair amount of media attention being paid to Bernie Sanders’ recent interview with the NY Daily News, during which he dodged questions, gave a lot of vague answers, and acted generally rather unaware. Well, maybe it’s all part of Bernie’s plan to go after Trump voters.

 

From Alex Kaseberg  “North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-Un, has reportedly ballooned to over 300 pounds. He may have to change his name to Kim Jong-Christie.

(I’m thinking, or maybe Kim Jong-Un’s goal is to play third base for the Red Sox?)

Comments: 4 Comments

Travesties

Posted April 4, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, March madness jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Ah yes, March Madness, when the bracket you actually thought about had UNC to win it all, and you suddenly jump up to 92nd percentile on the bracket where you just picked cats. ‪#‎Villanova‬ ‪#‎Wildcats‬

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But come on, while CBS has the rights, the NCAA men’s championship game tonight was broadcast on… TBS? Sounds like the network is taking college basketball as seriously as the one-and-done players.

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SF Giants’ flight to Milwaukee was delayed over six hours yesterday.  Hmm, maybe a little travel stress is better than batting practices for their hitters?

(12-3 win, with back-to-back-to-back home runs)

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Happy ‪#‎SFGiants‬ Opening Day. It’s partly cloudy about 60 degrees with a high of 68 in SF today, it’s 32 degrees with snow flurries and a high of 40 in Milwaukee. So who drew up this schedule anyway?    #baseballshouldnotopenindoors

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Meanwhile, the Yankees-Astros opening game in New York was postponed today due to weather. What a shame. Too bad neither of these teams plays in a warm weather area. Oops, never mind. ‪

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So with all these states talking about religious freedom, how long until some files a lawsuit demanding freedom FROM religion over “God Bless America” being played at so many MLB games?

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Congrats to ‪#‎LosAngelesRams‬ for winning their 1st pre-season game today against ‪#‎SDChargers‬ 15-0. Oh wait, never mind. ‪#‎Dodgers‬ ‪#‎Padres‬

 

Even as a ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fan I must admit, when you give ‪#‎Kershaw‬ 15 runs he gives you a pretty good chance to win.

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So both the Indians and Yankees home openers were postponed due to weather. Meaning a lot of fans in Cleveland and New York will be trying to explain how that 24 hour flu is lingering a bit longer.

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The Oakland A’s Sonny Gray has been scratched for his opening night start due to food poisoning, this after he was hospitalized last year with salmonella. The A’s don’t just need a pitching coach, they need a food taster.

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The Raiders have signed Aldon Smith, who is currently serving a 1-year suspension for substance abuse, and has five arrests since he joined the NFL in 2011 – “I think in his heart he’s a good young man” Raiders coach Jack Del Rio.”
Now, wishing Smith the best, but it’s amazing how your chances of being considered “a good young man” go up when you’re a star pass-rusher.

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DE Greg Hardy was convicted of domestic violence in 2014, and pictures showed his ex-girlfriend with multiple bruises, but the case was overturned when the woman stopped cooperating with police. Now, Hardy said in an ESPN interview.”I’ve never put my hand on any women.” Even Bill Cosby is thinking this sounds disingenuous..

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New airlines excuse for the day. JetBlue flight delayed last night from New York to SF….because they put the WRONG FUEL in the plane? So apparently they had to drain it and refuel. Your move, United.

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In the 2016 Airline Quality Rating, Spirit Airlines led U.S. carriers in customer complaints. They might have had more, but given that it’s Spirit they probably charge passengers to complain.

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The Huffington Post is reporting Charles Koch is confident Paul Ryan could be the GOP Presidential nominee if Trump doesn’t get enough delegates. Well, and I am sure the Donald and his supporters will take that gracefully. ‪#‎passthepopcorn‬

 

Electric automaker says they have had delayed deliveries of their Model S and X this quarter because of part shortages caused by “Tesla’s hubris.” Hmm, I thought the hubris was reserved for Tesla owners.

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How sweet it is.

Posted April 3, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Two of the sweetest words in the English language – “Play Ball!”. ‪#‎OpeningDay‬

 

Trump now says that John Kasich shouldn’t be allowed to run because he can’t win. Well, heck, the Cubs have been allowed to play baseball for the last century.

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Cardinals and Pirates opened up the MLB season today at PNC Park. Where the morning temperature was 33 degrees. Brrr… That’s almost as cold as a night game at Candlestick.

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Enjoyed the ‪#‎WorldSeries‬, but anyone but me thinks interleague play on ‪#‎OpeningDay‬ sucks?

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PNC Park in Pittsburgh will be selling a new all-beef hot dog with Cracker Jack, macaroni and cheese, salted caramel sauce and fried jalapenos, on naan bread. The first ballpark food designed specifically to be sold to people who lose a bet?

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Stephen Schwartz, who composed “Wicked” and other Broadway hits, has banned his shows being produced in North Carolina because of the new anti-LGBT law, and wants others to join him. But really, can you actually put on a Broadway show without the LGBT community?

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Last night soccer star Abby Wambach was arrested for DUI in Oregon. Who says women athletes will never be the equals of men? Sigh.

(But to give Wambach credit,  she posted about it on FB today with a full apology and no excuses…. that is not equal to many male athletes.)

 

Thon Baker, 19, a 7-ft tall basketball star from the Sudan, who graduated high school in Canada, has announced he will enter the NBA draft. What a shame, Baker could be missing some of the best months of his life in college.

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Marijuana advocates had a massive joint smoking rally outside the White House yesterday calling for legalization. Why stop there? Make pot smoking mandatory for Congress. ‪#‎maybethentheycouldallgetalong‬

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The Golden State Warriors trailed after the first quarter against the Portland Trail Blazers, but then  went on 6-0 run at end of 2nd quarter to lead by 7 at the half.  And pulled away to win by 25. Worried Golden State fans were beginning to think team was mortal.

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The D.C. Madam’s lawyer says that her client records are online and could be released in 72 hours. As if this election wasn’t enough fun already?

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Oklahoma lost by 44 yesterday to Villanova. On a brighter note for Buddy Hield, at least he got a little practice in how games might be next year if he is drafted by the Lakers.
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Donald Trump now says the current laws on abortion should remain unchanged. Give the Donald credit, most politicians take years to cover every side of an issue, he’s done it in less than a week.

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