Archive for the ‘GOP jokes’ category

And the Thunder rolled…

May 17, 2016

 

Golden State Warriors not happy about a non-traveling call on ‪#‎Westbrook‬. And refs are thinking “Calling traveling on a superstar? How quaint.”

And the Spurs went from thinking at halftime  with the Golden State-Oklahoma City game-  “How did we ever lose to this team? to  “Maybe it’s not just that we’re old.”

Beginning to think it’s just possible that Billy Donovan is a very good coach.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ are on the road but ‪#‎Westbrook‬‘s postgame outfit would fit right in at ‪#‎ATTPark‬. Trying to challenge ‪#‎OrangeandBlack‬ attack?

Tim Lincecum reportedly signing with Angels. So maybe at this point in his career ‪#‎Timmy‬ doesn’t want to deal with any more playoff pressure?

Biggest disappointment for MLB after yesterday’s brawl – unless Toronto gets hot and makes the playoffs, the Blue Jays and Rangers won’t play again in 2016. ‪#‎ratings‬

 

This weekend’s series between the SF Giants and Chicago Cubs opens up with Jake Peavy vs. Jake Arrieta. Well, after Peavy’s good start in Arizona, there’s only a little more than 6 runs difference in their ERA. (7.43 to 1.29)
Hope the Giants have a good stock of beer at AT&T Park.

Meanwhile, at the Atlanta Falcons’ new stadium, the team will offer some of the lowest concession prices in sports, with a hot dog being only $2 and a beer being $5. Maybe the SF 49ers should consider a similar idea, especially on the beer. Seems like fans are going to need it.

EasyJet is bankrolling newly invented “Sneakairs”, which are shoes that connect to a smartphone via Bluetooth and vibrate to tell the wearer which way to turn. The airline hopes to sell them on board.
Just what we need, instead of looking at their phones, tourists will run into things because they are fascinated by their shoes.

John Kasich said he is “not inclined” to serve as Donald Trump’s running mate. Hmm, what’s next, the Ohio governor saying he’s “1,000 percent against it?”

Trump calls Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas.” Maybe a  bit of a “glass houses” insult coming from someone who wears a beaver pelt on his head?

The NY Times reports that Donald Trump plans to bring up Bill Clinton’s infidelities in the campaign. Because a real man would have married at least one of the younger women he had affairs with?

Ralph Nader is now complaining that Hillary Clinton is going to win the Democratic primary “by dictatorship’ Because Nader hasn’t done enough for moderates and liberals this century already? ‪#‎unsafeatanyspeed‬

Rangers’ 2B Rougned Odor says he doesn’t regret punching Jose Bautista, but expects a suspension. And who knows, maybe an offer from more than one NFL team.

Mark Sanchez just underwent surgery on his left thumb and will miss the the start of offseason training activities. Apparently a weight room injury. Butt, how did he fumble into this one?

 

RIP Dick McAuliffe. Damn. For the uninitiated, especially my SF Giants fan friends,  consider him the Joe Panik or Robby Thompson of the 1968 World Champion Detroit Tigers. ‪#‎youneverforgetyourfirstlove‬.

A new kind of danger zone?

May 14, 2016

The movie “Top Gun” turns 30 his week. Now when its stars are asked if they still have a “Need for Speed,” the response is likely to be “Depends.”

A woman in labor was stranded in a four hour traffic jam on the Tappan Zee bridge and finally, with police help, ended up getting through but still having her baby in the hospital parking lot. Did they name the little girl “Christie?”

 

Words of wisdom from Russell Wilson to University of Wisconsin graduates: ” I’m also here to share some things I’ve learned,” Wilson. “Things like, if you’re dating a woman that’s way out of your league, ask her to marry you. If you can throw a football 80 yards, for some reason, people think that’s pretty cool. And if you’re playing the Patriots in the Super Bowl, and you’ve got 26 seconds left and you’re down by four, and it’s second and goal on their 1-yard line, try not to throw an interception. That’s purely, purely hypothetical though, of course.”

Apparently more than 1.2 million people have signed a pledge to boycott Target over their announcement to let transgender customers use whichever bathrooms they want.
Hmm, time to start a petition to see how many millions of Americans are now MORE likely to shop at Target? ‪#‎canwefocusonrealissuesforachange‬?

A study in Italy found that Botox facial treatments may affect the brain and people’s ability to process other people’s emotions. Or it may simply be that the more people focus on freezing their faces in time, the less energy they have for caring about other people’s emotions.

The NBA draft lottery is next week, But the draft itself might be only 4 days after the Championship is over. The NFL is trying to figure out how they can do that. ‪#‎yearroundleague‬

Ivanka Trump said about her father has “created dialogue around issues. It’s a powerful thing.” Yeah, how often before in American politics have we had discussion about hand size, and as Trevor Noah says, a candidate wanting to “bang his own daughter.”

 

George Zimmerman has apparently reposted the auction for his sale of the gun with which he shot Trayvon Martin “The previous auction and bids were purged due to illegitimate bidding. Yes, this auction is real.”
The minimum bid is $100,000, instant purchase price $500,000. Too much to hope that you CAN go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public?

 

 

 

A father and son pair of tourists at Yellowstone National Park reportedly put a bison calf in their SUV in order “to save it from the cold.” The two humans received tickets, and the calf was released. And presumably “Mama Bison” being elsewhere at the time of the pickup kept the pair from a much deserved Darwin award..

Playoffs, eh?

May 14, 2016

So the Air Canada Centre in Toronto is hosting an NBA  playoff game 7 on Sunday. And  Maple Leafs fans are going “What’s a game 7?”

(one of myCanadian friends says they are asking “what’s a playoff?)

The losers of the Ohio State spring football game were penalized by having to shovel mulch.  Of course, if Urban Meyer really wants to motivate players, he could make the losers go to class.

Well, if you believe in redemption, here’s your potential made-for-TV sports movie story of the day. Matt Bush was the #1 MLB draft pick in 2004, and went off the rails big time. Drunken fights, accusations of assault, and finally 3 years in jail prison a DUI causing serious injury. He was released last December. And today the Texas Rangers have called him up to the big leagues. Who knows, maybe there’s hope for Johnny Manziel.

 

A New York celebrity vegan chef who ran a restaurant called Pure Food and Wine has been arrested in Tennessee after a months’ long chase after she allegedly didn’t pay wages, and cheated on taxes etc. The best part of this, she and her husband were caught after they ordered a Domino’s pizza.

SF Giants’ closer Santiago Casilla, upset when manager Bruce Bochy pulled him in the 9th with two outs, and a 4-2 lead, after he had loaded the bases, the last on a 4 pitch walk, and was facing a batter who hit a home run against him last time. “It’s my opportunity to find out who’s who…. You have to let me try to see if I can get him out.”
Uh, or maybe you have to let Bochy try to see if the Giants could win the game?

 

(although curiously enough three things happened Friday.  1. Casilla apologized.  2. Bochy gave him another chance. 3. He struck out both batters.)

 

If it’s all about keeping children safe from potential predators, waiting for someone to demand that priests be kept out of men’s rooms.

Donald Trump to a reporter who asked about his tax returns: “It’s none of your business, you’ll see it when I release.”
Ah yes, only the little people answer questions about their taxes.

Apparently a man offering “free hugs” in Times Square slugged a Canadian woman in the face after she refused to tip him. Well, or maybe that’s his idea of a New York hug.

 

Jose Reyes was suspended 51 days over his domestic violence arrest. Imagine if he had done something really serious, like buying an over-the-counter supplement in the Dominican Republic.

Show some respect, eh?

May 8, 2016

It takes some work to make Canadians angry. But Dwyane Wade managed to do it, by taking warm up shots during the Canadian national anthem. On the other hand, the Raptors, who sometimes seem to have trouble getting fired up, won the game. So maybe Wade should keep up the “Oh Canada” shooting.

 

Major league teams are selling today’s Mother’s Day equipment and uniforms to raise money for breast cancer research. Although the SFGiants. who lost 2-0, and were 0-6 with runners in scoring position,  won’t be able to market them as actual “game-used” bats.

An unknown person in New Jersey has won the $429 million Powerball lottery. His or her first act with the winnings will no doubt be to move out of New Jersey.

Americans apparently spend over $21 billion on Mother’s Day. Wow. To be fair, at least $1 billion of that must be spent by players in the NBA.

 

#‎Hawks‬ have now joined the ‪#‎Braves‬ in making ‪#‎Atlanta‬ fans really look forward to the ‪#‎Falcons‬.

The Yankees are in last place and worse, ticket sales are way down. Not sure what the team will do. Maybe they can sign Kobe Bryant for a one year contract so he can sit the bench and do a baseball version of his farewell tour?

Ted Cruz apparently feels now that he could have stopped Donald Trump, if Marco Rubio had only agreed to become his running mate in March. Got news for Ted, the bottom half of the ticket wasn’t why Americans “Just Said No” to him.

Former Arizona Governor Jan Brewer said she’d be willing to be Donald Trump’s running mate. Waiting for Hillary Clinton to second that choice in female solidarity.

 

Sarah Palin on Paul Ryan “His political career is over.” Well, ‪#‎takesonetoknowone‬

 

 

Mississippi State has confirmed that a student died when he fell off of the football stadium Jumbotron at 1:30am Saturday morning. Sad, but just guessing alcohol gets an assist on this Darwin award.

To save money, Dropbox is apparently cutting back on some of its perks. The company is pushing free dinner from 6pm to 7pm, and limiting guests to five a month. ‪#‎Getouttheviolins‬

 

David Maloney is an  Alabama attorney who has run commercials talking about how he turns out down drunk drivers as clients. ” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you drink and you drive and you hurt someone, don’t call me. I’m not going to represent you, I’m not going to help you. If anything, I’m going to be the lawyer going after you.”

Maloney was arrested this weekend in Florida. For alleged DUI.  Well, guess he won’t be one of those fools who has himself for a client.  #meanbitchkarmahasacousinhubris

 

 

Getting away with murder?

April 29, 2016

Former NFL star Ray Lewis’s son has been arrested for sexual assault. Can’t imagine how the young man grew up thinking he could get away with a serious crime.

Leremy Tunsil’s draft night nightmare is over, as he was finally picked by the Miami Dolphins. But it does remind many of us old farts again, how lucky we were not to grow up in a social media age.

In somewhat of a surprise move, the Cleveland Browns drafted USC QB Cody Kessler. Well, makes sense. Both the Browns and Trojans quarterbacks have had such impressive results in the NFL…. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

Dee Gordon suspended 80 games for PEDS. So much for all those Bonds-bashers who “knew” he was dirty because of his size.

#‎LukeWalton‬ is going to be new coach of ‪#‎Lakers‬. Presume good $$ Well, at least he won’t have to deal with all this playoff pressure.

 

#‎LukeWalton‬, 36, is new ‪#‎Lakers‬ coach. Well, Luke was at that awkward age, too old to still be an assistant, too young to play for ‪#‎Spurs‬

A New York pizzeria has introduces a pizza box made out of pizza, with a second pizza inside. Now THIS is a challenge for Pizza Rat.

 

A new ad in California goes after Cruz and Trump for being dangerous on climate change. Fine, except most potential Cruz and Trump voters don’t believe in climate change.

John Boehner called Ted Cruz a “miserable son of a bitch” and “Lucifer.” Can just imagine what Boehner would say if he had a chance to get to know Carly Fiorina.

=

Loved the Kevin Costner movie “Draft Day,” though it was no doubt unrealistic. On the other hand, if someone had submitted a script including this Laremy Tunsil story….it would have been rejected as completely unbelievable.

Roger Goodell on radio with Mike and Mike this morning on ESPN about the Tunsil situation. “I think it’s all part of what makes the draft so exciting.” Is the NFL commissioner trying to so be likable that Ted Cruz wants him on his campaign team?

Apparently protestors surrounded the hotel near San Francisco Airport where Donald Trump is speaking and disrupting traffic. Because making people miss planes is always a good way to get them on your side.

 

Poor Marissa Mayer. The Yahoo GEO got a $6 million pay cut last year. Although she still made $36 million. Sounds like Mayer is right on track to be fired and then run for office touting her Silicon Valley record of achievement.

from Marc Ragovin  “After being slammed for calling a basketball hoop a “ring,” Ted Cruz said he would atone his mistake the way people do in his birth country, by spending two minutes in the penalty crate.”

 

As Dee Gordon’s suspension puts the shadow of steroids on baseball again, can we have a moment of reality? The difference between AAA ball, where a player probably won’t make $50k, and major league minimum of about $500,000, is huge. And that’s not even talking about the veteran multi-million dollar contracts.
So let’s see, a whole lot of scientists trying to make undetectable PEDs for the big bucks, and drug testers who probably make closer to minor league money. Who would you bet on?

In the hole?

April 26, 2016

CNN.com headline “Tiger feels good after first holes of year.” So are we talking golf?

 

Giancarlo ‪#‎Stanton‬ just hit a three-run home run off of Clayton ‪#‎Kershaw‬. Who does Stanton think he is? Madison ‪#‎Bumgarner‬?

Uh oh, Drew Brees on Roger Goodell. “I think we would all agree that [he] definitely has too much power. He is judge, jury and executioner when it comes to all the discipline. I’m not going to trust any league-led investigation, when it comes to anything.”
So wonder what Goodell is going to do to the Saints this year?

The Los Angeles #‎Clippers‬ announced Blake Griffin will be out the rest of the postseason, and Chris Paul will be out, “indefinitely.” Okay, so  they’ll both miss two games.

DeAndre Jordan, with a lifetime 42% FT percentage, managed to shoot 2 consecutive air balls from the line yesterday. Heck I could probably at least hit the rim.
Changing the “hack” rule for people like him is like giving baseball’s free swingers 4 strikes, or giving last year’s 49ers five downs.

Johnny Manziel has been indicted by a Texas grand jury on an assault charge. Hmm. Maybe Johnny Football REALLY wanted to be picked up by the Cowboys or 49ers.

#‎NottheOnion‬ Andrew Luck has started an online book club. And down in the SEC they’re asking “What’s a book?”

Skip Bayless is leaving ESPN after the NBA finals. So the position of “Most Obnoxious Man” on the network is open.

Think the only way ‪#‎KellyRipa‬ could have gotten more media attention lately is if she had started a ‪#‎Twitter‬ war with ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬

Not sure, but just guessing before round 2 that if asked anyone connected with the San Antonio Spurs will say of course Durant and Westbrook are both superstars. ‪#‎MarkCuban‬ ‪#‎hesaindiot‬

Apparently a new and successful form of medical marijuana for women with PMS and gynecological pain issues is marijuana suppositories. Kind of puts a whole new slant on “up yours.”

 

 

Donald Trump tonight tweeted “Bernie Sanders has been treated terribly by the Democrats—both with delegates & otherwise. He should show them, and run as an Independent!”
Uh, Donald, speaking of feeling badly treated by a party, why don’t YOU run as an independent?”

 

Donald Trump tonight said the only thing Hillary has is “the woman’s card” but “women DON’T like her.” Got news for the Donald. women like him less.

Let my people whine…

April 25, 2016

Just thinking, if Moses tried to lead his people out of Egypt today how many would have had to be left behind bitching about food allergies?

Happy 40th Birthday to Tim Duncan. If the Spurs manage to win him one more ring, San Antonio will have the first NBA championship parade to do the entire route with their left blinkers on.

 

Mark Cuban today before game 5 made a comment that Kevin Duran was the “one superstar” on the OKC Thunder, but that Russell Westbrook was ” an All-Star but not a superstar.”
Yeah, that worked out well.

Grade 1 sprain for Steph Curry. Which means that millions of Warriors fans are suddenly going to become amateur knee doctors for the next few weeks.

 

 

ESPN reports that the NFL says no player tested positive for drugs during February’s scouting combine. Meaning either that this year’s draft class is clean, or that they were smart enough not to do anything until AFTER the combine.

Yeah, professional athletes aren’t quite like the rest of us. Sunday’s “Style” section of the SF Chronicle focused on “FashionWarriors,” Golden State players and their post game looks. Andre Iguodola looked sharp in a sweater pants combination with some expensive jewelry but noted “it’s just an old Gucci sweater, a couple of seasons at least.”

Panthers RB Cameron Artis-Payne was reportedly arrested for driving 102 in a 65 mph zone in rural North Carolina. Hmm, with that kind of speed maybe Artis-Payne should consider a career change to NASCAR..

A federal appeals court has ruled in favor of the NFL in the “deflategate” case, and reinstated New England Patriots Tom Brady’s original suspension. Your tax dollars at work.

Donald Trump is now referring to Ohio’s governor as “1 for 38 Kasich,” based on the 1 state Kasich won. Maybe the Donald isn’t really running for President – he’s trying to be “Triumph, the Insult Dog.”

 

Megyn Kelly has announced that Donald Trump has agreed to sit down with her for an interview to air next month. Proving once again, that we CAN all get along – especially when rating$$$$$ are involved.

Another thought on this bathroom craziness. The talk is mostly of men in women’s rooms. But leaving aside the fact that it isn’t always obvious, do all these alarmists want, for example, a big burly transgender with facial hair who was born female forced to use the ladies’ room?

 

Karma in mean bitch mode again. Some users want to sue Ashley Madison for revealing their personal information. Except a judge has ruled that to go forward with the lawsuit, they must reveal their real names.

Sam Bradford has now demanded a trade because he figures the Eagles will draft a better QB. Hmm, sounds like the guy might be a perfect fit for the 49ers.

Round one.

April 16, 2016

Most worried ‪#‎Warriors‬ fans after the first day of the postseason.  Those who finally scored playoff tickets, and they’re for game 5 at Oracle.

 

Since ‪#‎Raptors‬ are now 0-8 in ‪#‎NBA‬ playoff openers, wouldn’t it be more efficient & save wear on players just to forfeit game 1 next time?

 

If you didn’t recognize ‪#‎DodgerStadium‬ you’d know the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎Dodgers‬ game is in Los Angeles. All those empty seats behind home plate.

Right about now the ‪#‎Jazz‬ must be SO disappointed they missed the playoffs and a chance to take on the ‪#‎Warriors‬. ‪#‎NBAPlayoffs‬ ‪#‎sarcasm‬

Nothing is certain but death, taxes and the ‪#‎Raptors‬ losing in game one of the ‪#‎NBAPlayoffs‬

Hard to believe it was not much more than a year ago that many ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans were crushed when ‪#‎PabloSandoval‬ left to sign with ‪#‎RedSox‬

Lakers head coach Byron Scott said that he “absolutely” expects that he will not be fired for next season. Translation, Los Angeles isn’t sure they can get anyone else to take on their mess.

Ohio State held their Spring football game today, 100,189 people showed up. Guess there must not be a lot to do in Columbus on a weekend.

McDonald’s CEO Steve Easterbrook made $7.91 million last year, up from $1.69 million in 2014. But it’s okay, executive compensation, unlike the pay of minimum wage employees, doesn’t affect the price of hamburgers….

Okay this is just piling on, as if Americans are jealous enough of Canada already: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3543380/Not-just-pretty-face-Justin-Trudeau-stuns-room-reporters-scientists-perfect-answer-quantum-computing-question.html

 

Snow in Denver has cancelled 70% of flights and also postponed Saturday’s annual “420” marijuana festival. Well, most attendees probably weren’t going to show up until at least Sunday anyway. ‪#‎Dudewhensmyfestival‬?

 

A Muslim woman wearing a hijab was apparently kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight after she asked to change from a middle seat to an aisle because she was uncomfortable sitting between two men for religious reasons. Two responses – 1. Southwest probably over-reacted. 2. Not a bad idea. Especially when you’re a woman in a middle seat the men take the arm rests too.

 

 

If Bernie Sanders wants to attack Hillary Clinton for paid speeches that is his right.. But, not as if Bernie has been turning down the big bucks – from Ethics.senate.gov: “Anyone earning a Senate rate of pay at or above $123,175 may not earn more than $27,495 from all combined outside sources, including campaign work.”

 

So while we’re all ragging on Hillary Clinton for accepting Wall Street money, and yes, we need campaign finance reform, just wondering, who paid for Bernie Sanders’ private jet to meet the Pope in Rome?

Ted Cruz had a clean sweep of GOP delegates in Wyoming, all 14 of them. 14? Isn’t that about as many voters as there are in the state?

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In Philadelphia, a 4-year-old girl was fatally shot by her 5-year-old brother with their father’s gun. If only the girl had been armed.

The pain, the pain

April 15, 2016

The ‪#‎Braves‬ have won! Finally. Last week ‪#‎Atlanta‬ had a couple weeks that went this badly, Sherman was involved.

After the NY Daily News printed a story that the Mets had sold most of the jerseys from the team’s first game in NY after 9/11, the team issued a statement “We admit that we made a mistake, and have instituted a new process with internal controls to prevent something like this from happening again in the future.”
So was the mistake profiting over the jerseys, or getting caught?

John Kasich, in response to a woman student at a town hall in St. Lawrence University in NY saying she saying she worries about harassment on campus said “I’d also give you one bit of advice, don’t go to parties where there is a lot of alcohol.”
Can’t imagine how the GOP gets the reputation of being clueless on women’s issues. ‪#‎andKasichissupposedtobethereasonableone‬

 

With all the attacks on Hillary over taking money from Wall Street for speeches, maybe it’s time for her to requote the line “If you can’t drink their whiskey, take their money, screw their women and still vote against him in the morning, you don’t belong in politics.”
Bill would certainly volunteer to help with the “women” part.

 

Starting for the 2017-18 season, the NBA announced that companies can buy a 2.5-by-2.5-inch advertising space on game-day jerseys. So that means by about 2020 those jerseys will resemble those worn by NASCAR.

 

 

The Minnesota Twins came back and beat the Angels tonight, following upon the Braves’ first win. So ten games into the season, nobody’s perfect.

AMC says they are scraping a plan to allow texting in theaters after saying they have heard “loud and clear” that it “is a concept our audience does not want.”
D’uh…. even people who text in theaters do not want other people texting in theaters.

Kim Davis’s lawyer is now apparently helping Kentucky leglislators draft a bill to restrict bathroom access for LGBTs. Hmm, presumably after the Kentucky Derby so everyone doesn’t boycott that too?

Sarah Palin says “Bill Nye is as much a scientist as I am.” Shocking! Palin acknowledges the concept of scientists?

Hillary Clinton last night in the debate “It’s easy to diagnose a problem. It’s harder to do something about a problem.” And many Americans on both sides of the aisle are thinking “No, just tell us you’ll fix it, don’t confuse us with facts.”

 

Jason Whitlock, not joining in the Kobe Bryant lovefest, said that Kobe’s narcissism and selfishness ruined the Lakers. Strikes me that he’s both right and wrong. In his prime, Bryant helped lead Los Angeles to five rings with that narcissism and selfishness. When his skills decreased and his demands, on and off the court, remained the same – well, yes, then, Kobe helped make sure the Lakers became, and stayed, a lousy basketball team.

T.C. on reports that Kim Jong Un now weighs over 300 pounds. “If this dictator thing doesn’t work out he can try out for the Boston Red Sox.”

Records, records, who’s got records?

April 13, 2016

Congrats to the Warriors on 73 wins. Klay Thompson was asked yesterday if the team would celebrate with champagne “Absolutely not You’ve got to save that till June, man. I mean, you might have a glass of wine after the game, but that’s about it.”
And the rest of the teams in the Western Conference playoffs are thinking, “Are you kidding, a week-long all-night party would be more appropriate.”

Open note to ‪#‎Warriors‬ fans, the wave is for when team sucks & there’s nothing better to do. Or when you’re ‪#‎Dodgers‬ or ‪#‎As‬ fans ‪#‎stayclassy‬

 

Kobe Bryant, 20 years with the Lakers. Impressive. Tim Duncan, 19 years with the Spurs – impressive. More impressive, Duncan has structured his contract and play to help his team still be relevant. ‪#‎thequietfarewelltourkeepsontouring‬

Warriors set record for NBA regular season wins. Many casual sports fans thinking “The NBA HAS a regular season?” ‪#‎only2monthsuntilfinals‬

Lots of fanfare for Kobe Bryant’s last game tonight. Probably just as well Bryant doesn’t have an heir apparent on the Lakers – might be too much to expect Kobe to pass anything, let along a torch.

 

‪#‎JakePeavy‬ started off the Giants game like a man who doesn’t want ‪#‎SF‬ Bay Area fans to have to decide between watching the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ & ‪#‎Warriors‬

Boston #‎RedSox‬ placed ‪#‎PabloSandoval‬ on the ‪#‎DL‬ with a left shoulder sprain. Possibly caused by too much repetitive motion with a fork?

#‎Braves‬ & ‪#‎Twins‬ play interleague games in July. So one of those teams will actually have to win games this ‪#‎MLB‬ season.

Not a good April to be an Braves fan. The team is winless, and for those who say, “cheer up, it could be worse,” Atlanta outfielder Hector Olivera was arrested after a woman at the Ritz Carlton just outside D.C. called 911 to say he had assaulted her. Yeah, it just got worse.

The Sacramento Kings will apparently fire George Karl as the 33-48 team will miss the playoffs again. Their next coach will be their 10th since 2006-07. Somewhere even George Steinbrenner is thinking “Jeez, show a little patience.”

 

AMC’s CEO said he is considering allow patrons to text during movies. Well, this should help speed up the process of getting EVERYONE to watch movies at home instead of in theaters.

Harvard’s oldest exclusive club, The Porcellian, which is all-male, said in a statement to the Crimson (student newspaper):
“Forcing single gender organizations to accept members of the opposite sex could potentially increase, not decrease the potential for sexual misconduct.”
‪#‎Speechless‬ But proving once again, IQ points are no guarantee against ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬

Volvo has promised “death-proof” cars by 2020. So who needs a hospital when you’re sick – drive around in a Volvo and live forever?

Apparently the original Santana band is reuniting for the first time since 1973. So after 43 years they’ve either decided to let bygones be bygones…or they can’t remember why they broke up in the first place?

Ivanka Trump, blaming her inability to vote for her father on the state – “New York has one of the most onerous rules in terms of registration, and it required us to register a long time ago, almost — close to a year ago….(uh, actually you have to declare a party six months in advance.) Looks like the apple doesn’t whine far from the tree.

Many states’ voting rules seem designed to keep poor and uneducated people from voting. Kudos to New York for bucking the trend by apparently making it harder for rich and lazy people. ‪#‎Trumps‬

 

Congrats to Lynn Swann for getting the USC AD job. So what exactly are Swann’s qualifications though – he was a star Trojan football player and he hasn’t been arrested?

“Affluenza” teen Ethan Couch has been tentatively sentenced to a two-year jail term, although the judge gave Couch’s defense two weeks to make an argument for him to reconsider. Reconsider? As in maybe give him at least four years?-

Early Halloween?

April 12, 2016

 

Of course it’s only April, but the two Orange & Black teams in ‪#‎MLB‬ are a combined 14-2. ‪#‎Orioles‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

 

#‎BusterPosey‬ might be googling ‪#‎WallyPipp‬ on his phone about now. ‪#‎TrevorBrown‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

 

#‎BruceBochy‬ said before Monday’s  ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎Rockies‬ game he’d like ‪#‎TrevorBrown‬ to hit a home run in all of his starts. So is  ‪#‎Brown‬ taking him seriously?

#‎Dodgers‬ payroll over $253,000,000. Now ‪#‎MagicJohnson‬ was 1 of greatest ever ‪#‎NBA‬ players. But did anyone tell him ‪#‎MLB‬ teams need something called a bullpen?

Tickets to Kobe Bryant’s last game are going for at least $800. But really, if you just wanted to see Bryant play a meaningless game, for that price you could have probably bought tickets to the Lakers whole home season.

Headline: “Lindsay Lohan is engaged. ” And most Americans no doubt are thinking “in what?”

Popular porn site xHamster announced yesterday that when anyone with a North Carolina IP address visits the site, they will be asked if they support the new anti-LGBT law. If they say “yes,” they will be blocked. Now that’s REALLY hitting below the belt.

 –
John Kasich again last night in an interview said there is “zero” chance he would serve as v.p. “I would be the worst vice president the country ever saw. I’m not a vice president, I’m a president.”
Somewhere Dick Cheney is going “And your point is?”

Paul Ryan, “Let me be clear: I do not want, nor will I accept the nomination for our party.”
Didn’t he say the same thing about becoming Speaker?

The NFL has denied Josh Gordon’s petition for reinstatement. Of course, it doesn’t help when you petition AND fail a drug test in the same month.
.-

Music producer and reality tv star, David Gest, 62, known best to Americans as Liza Minnelli’s ex-husband, was found dead at a London hotel today. He had been preparing to tour with a new show “David Gest Is Not Dead But Alive With Soul.” Guess maybe it wasn’t the best choice of title. ‪#‎bustohell‬

 

 

Donald Trump is upset about the possibility about losing the GOP nomination despite having the most delegates. “The system, folks, is rigged. It’s a rigged, disgusting, dirty system.”
Now Trump doesn’t really have a problem with a rigged system, he’s just used to being the one doing the rigging.

 

And btw, who says the Spurs are boring?    Though just guessing none of them will get a call anytime soon from #DWTS.   https://twitter.com/spurs/status/719925467042582528/photo/1

 

The wrong kind of splash hit?

April 10, 2016

Jordan Spieth’s 12th hole today at the  ‪#‎Masters‬ might have been worst the few minutes for top golfer in recent history not involving an Escalade.

 

‪#‎SFGiants‬ are heading to Denver, where rookie Trevor Story has hit 7h home runs in six games. Just guessing Giants’ hitters find this story a lot more fun than their pitching staff.

 

So maybe it wasn’t so shocking that ‪#‎SFGiants‬ came back from a 5-0 deficit in the 1st. But that ‪#‎Cueto‬ went 7 and was winning pitcher?

The Mets wear 1986 throwback jerseys today and promptly get beat by the ‪#‎Phillies‬. Time to throw the jerseys back?

Great, now the Warriors season “Running down Bulls record” is “sponsored by American Express. And some wonder why kids get the idea sports is all about money?

T.J.Ward is the second player on the Denver Broncos to publicly support Johnny Manziel joining the team, saying he would welcome the QB with “open arms.” So this brings up a two-part question – how talented is Manziel and how toxic is Kaepernick?

 

I know ‪#‎Yankees‬ rule the ‪#‎ESPN‬ world, but in April might have been a good weekend to have ‪#‎Dodgers‬ ‪#‎Giants‬ be the  ‪#Sundaynightbaseball‬ game.  (Yankees Tigers were rained out.)

 

Arizona Cardinals coach Bruce Arians told coaches at a high school clinic that one of football’s biggest problems is “moms.” No joke. Saying our sport is “being attacked. It’s the best game that’s ever been f—ing invented. And we have to make sure that moms get the message, because that’s who’s afraid of our game right now. It’s not dads; it’s moms.”
Right, and the problem isn’t concussions either. Is Arians trying to prove he’s anti-woman enough to join the GOP race for President?

Much talk now over an interview Laura Bush gave  “I want our next president—whoever he or she might be—to be somebody who is interested in women in Afghanistan and who will continue U.S. policies, adding that person should “pay attention to our history, and know what’s happened before and know specifically how we can continue to do the good things that we do around the world.”

Some interpret her words as saying she will vote for Hillary Clinton.  But hey,  if Trump and Cruz are the GOP choices, say what you want about W., but no one ever accused Laura of being that conservative. Nor bat-sh*t crazy.

A Politico article asks “Can GOP Elites Really Turn Back the Clock in Cleveland?” Meaning, can they pick a candidate who never entered the primaries. Although would it really be that surprising? Most of the candidates who are and have been in the primaries want to turn the clock back for women to the 19th century.

 

If elected, how long until Donald Trump outlaws the Boston Globe?   globe

Kings of the road?

April 9, 2016

The San Diego Padres have scored 0 runs in 3 games at Petco & 29 runs in 2 games at Coors.   Will hitters petition to play 2017 home games in Denver?

‪#‎SFGiants‬ are experimenting with batting the pitcher 8th. ‪#‎MadBum‬ is making a strong pitch to bat at least 6th.

Seriously, from ESPN, since 2014, Madison Bumgarner has hit a HR every 8.4 ABs at AT&T Park. Barry Bonds’ career AB/HR at AT&T Park: 8.8.

So when his arm finally tires, will Madbum move to the AL as a  DH?
Lip readers had a treat watching Kershaw after Madbum took him deep, again. “Are you f*cking sh*tting me?”

Not that most announcers aren’t homers, but Golden State Warriors TV announcers spent much of the game complaining about foul calls their team wasn’t getting.  Then at the end of a 100-99 game when Lance Stephenson was hacked more than once…. crickets.

Zach Johnson missed the cut at the Masters after a replay showed that his club accidentally touched the water when his ball was partially submerged and he was assessed a 2-shot penalty. And people think the balk rule is arcane.

The cost of mailing a letter will drops to 47 cents starting April 10. And millennials are going “What’s a letter?”

It’s been two days since the American Idol final finale. So have we all forgotten the name of the white guy with a guitar who won yet?

LB Von Miller says if it were up to him, he’d have Johnny Manziel on the Broncos. Hmm, can you get concussions from being on Dancing on the Stars?

Has Bernie Sanders just forfeited any claim to outsider status? He and his wife were seen attending a performance of “Hamilton.” Uh, even most 1 percenters can’t get those tickets.

Cruz says he was “double-crossed” by Kasich in Michigan for delegate spots, Kasich’s campaign said the Cruz campaign broke their end of a deal first. Oh this horrible GOP on GOP violence. ‪#‎ifonlytheywerearmed‬

So as some in the GOP like to talk about Bill Clinton’s indiscretions while Hillary is running for president, it’s interesting to note that the Speaker who led the proceedings was having an affair, his replacement quit after news broke of multiple affairs, and then HIS replacement turns out of have molested at least four teenage boys. ‪#‎Familyvalues‬

With friends like these….

March 31, 2016

As the D’Angelo Russell videotape story grows, Lakers fans have to be thinking nostalgically back to the days when their team was just embarrassing ON the court.

The NCAA is apologizing for a “clerical error” which resulted in an “errant text” sent to South Carolina saying that they were had been selected for the men’s basketball tournament. No word on if such a text went to any other teams who didn’t really get in, like the Philadelphia 76ers.

The Red Sox have announced that Travis Shaw will start Opening Day at third base over Pablo Sandoval. The Panda’s response “It’s going to be difficult, but I have to be happy. [Shaw] has had a fantastic spring. I’ll just focus on working hard.”
Uh, if Sandoval had been focused on working hard, he’d probably be starting.

Mattel has apparently lost over $3 million that they wired in response to a fake email from China. Hmm. Wonder if it’s too late for the company to put the brakes on “Nigerian Princess Barbie?”

 

In Alabama, a husband and wife who both teach at the same private school were both arrested for having sex with students. Of course, being Alabama have to wonder how many people are going

Sarah Palin says her husband Todd is back home “on the couch” recovering from his snowmobile accident injuries. So is he helping her keep an eye on Russia?

 

So apparently Bachelor Ben and his fiancee Lauren are having issues. Ah for those more innocent days when train wrecks on reality TV would only result in broken hearts rather than potential leaders of the free world.

=

John Kasich today in a New York press conference listed “five things that continue to prove that Donald Trump is clearly not prepared to be President of the United States, commander in chief, leader of the free world.”
One of the easiest jobs in the world this fall, on the other hand, might be doing commercials for the Democratic Presidential nominee ‪#‎workisbeingdoneforyou‬

Some days you wonder whether Donald Trump really wants to say “Just kidding, folks, I don’t want to be President.” On the subject of Muslims , he mentioned he had Muslim friends “”In most cases, they’re very rich Muslims, OK?” Then when Chris Matthews asked about them entering the U.S. “They’ll come in. And you’ll have exceptions.”
Right, because there’s no way ISIL could make a terrorist look rich?

(and my friend Tom Dodd points out that Osama Bin Laden came from a wealthy family.)

Another day, another random mass shooting in America. Think I’ve got this down: If the dead suspect is Muslim it’s terrorism, if he’s Christian, especially if he’s white, it’s mental illness.

Today’s first  installment in “How low can you go” – aka the GOP Primary: Ted Cruz on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” about Trump “I were in my car and getting ready to reverse and saw Donald in the backup camera, I’m not confident which pedal I would push.”

 And the second from the GOP campaign ‪#‎howlowcanyougo‬, “Mr. Lovable,” Ted Cruz is having his campaign question John Kasich’s 500 signatures submitted to qualify for the Montana ballot., Yes, 500, and apparently Kasich submitted 622….

 

 

Ted Cruz won a court case in Pennsylvania challenging his US citizenship. Maybe because Canada now disowns him?

Out of their league?

March 29, 2016

Nice “aww” story, A young boy ran on the basketball court in New Orleans to give Carmelo Anthony a hug. Of course, it could have ended badly – the kid could have dunked on the Knicks.

 

UConn women’s basketball team is so dominant, that it’s become controversial whether or not they are good for the sport. Perhaps after the season the Lady Huskies should be forced to play a team more on their level – like the Lakers. (or Knicks or Lakers)

The Pelicans had SEVEN injured players for their game against the Knicks Monday, and New Orleans still won, 99-91. Wow. Carmelo and the team didn’t need a hug for that performance, they needed a time-out.

The FBI is dropping their sui against Apple because they say they have cracked the San Bernandino terrorist’s iPhone. So they finally tried “password1234″” instead of “password123”?

Donald Trump’s campaign manager was charge with battery after an incident when he grabbed a woman reporter earlier this month. Although knowing Trump supporters they’ll probably just take it as a positive sign that the Donald will be tough on the media.

‪#‎DougFlutie‬‘s “Hail Mary” 1984 pass is almost as much of a miracle as the fact he’s gotten me to watch ‪#‎DWTS‬

An Indian company. Bakeys, has developed edible, compostable cutlery, made of rice, millet and wheat, offered in sweet, savory, or plain flavors. The utensils even work for hot items, including soup. Only problem going forward in the U.S? At places like Taco Bell they may taste better than the food.

Wish this were the Onion: A company has reportedly come up with a handgun that looks like a Smartphone and unfolds to fire. ‪#‎Whatcouldpossiblygowrong‬?

R.I.P Patty Duke, 69. Does it mean you’re old when you remember when 69 was old.

In Northern California, a man who left his dog in his car when he had to spend a night in jail, has now pleaded no contest to animal cruelty and has been sentenced to 24 days MORE in jail. The sentence begins presumably after he finds a dogsitter?

A new app, Daily Joints, wants to be Tinder for marijuana users. With the added advantage that if it doesn’t work out, you don’t remember who you hooked up with anyway.

The NFL apparently wants a retraction from the New York Times about a story claiming concussion cases were omitted when the league downplayed the effects of head injuries on players.
Politico reports a letter sent from the NFL to the paper says the story is “false and defamatory.” Like the Pentagon Papers?

 

Are you listening, Susan Sarandon? Even the church of baseball has some absolutes.

 

 

There are rumors that several Cuban migrants who were rescued from a raft off the Florida coast with gunshot wounds may have shot themselves in order to be taken to U.S. hospitals and thus given asylum. And Trump really thinks a wall will stop desperate people?

From the sublime to the ridiculous?

March 28, 2016

The ‪#‎Lakers‬ lost tonight to the ‪#‎Jazz‬ 123-75. So real question of the night – how did ‪#‎LA‬ ever beat the ‪#‎Warriors‬?

 

#‎Texas‬ women’s basketball team lost to ‪#‎UConn‬ “only” 86-65. So maybe a moral victory? Kind of like the Alamo? ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

You think just MAYBE Roy Williams has his ‪#‎UNC‬ Tarheels doing drills on how to beat the press? ‪#‎FinalFour‬ ‪#‎Syracuse‬

#‎Virginia‬ lost 15 point lead to Syracuse yesterday in under 4 min. Cavaliers hadn’t suddenly looked that bad since 2007  when ‪#‎Cleveland‬ was swept by  the ‪#‎Spurs‬

Dirk Nowitzki, 37, told ESPN that he’s thought about playing beyond his contract that ends with Dallas in 2017. Well, by then Dirk might almost be old enough to sign with the Spurs.

 

Colts owner Jim Irsay is now saying of football “”I believe this: That the game has always been a risk, you know…. You take an aspirin and I take an aspirin. It might give you extreme side effects of illness and your body . . . may reject it, where I would be fine.”
Hmm, looks like not only can you get CTE from playing football, you can get it from owning a team.

A new biography says that Kris Jenner helped her daughter Kim Kardashian leak her sex tape. “I’m shocked,” said nobody.

All of these “urgent” fundraising emails saying “we’re almost at our goal.” Just once I would like to get an email saying “Thanks, we made our goal and we don’t need any money.” ‪#‎wecandream‬

 

 

Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal, a Republican, vetoed a “religious freedom” bill that had many businesses, movie studios and even the NFL up in arms over it being discriminatory against LGBTs.  He said the bill was “unnecessary,” and “allowed outsiders to cast doubt on the character of Georgia and Georgians.”
And guessing Deal had billion$ of other rea$on$.

Donald Trump, when asked on a Wisconsin radio about disparaging women “But certainly I never thought I would run for office.”
Right, so he gets a clean slate? But did he forgot about that 2000 campaign?

U.S. shooting suspect Larry Dawson apparently disrupted a Congressional hearing last fall, saying he was a “prophet of God.” And so he has been different from Ted Cruz how?

Another of those stories you can’t make up. Alabama Governor Robert Bentley denies an affair, despite recently released recordings where he talks about kissing his advisor and about her breasts. Well, Bentley’s a BIble-thumper kind of guy -so maybe he was reading her the Song of Solomon?

Anthony Weiner said to Huffington Post “I’m probably the best campaign politician you’ll ever interview. I mean, I’m like perfectly evolved. I’m like the Arnold Schwarzenegger, Terminator…”
Hmm, does that mean there’s a kid with one of his housekeepers somewhere?

From T.C. “A North Carolina man was arrested for failing to return a VHS rental tape from 14 years ago to a now defunct video store. The outstanding fine is $200. On top of that, there’s a 50 cent fee if he didn’t rewind it.”

Point – counterpoint?

March 24, 2016

Today ‪#‎Cruz‬ called ‪#‎Trump‬ a “sniveling coward.” So in Presidential debates can we expect one of them to say “‪#‎Hillary‬ you ignorant slut?”

 

The GOP has hammered Obama for staying in Cuba and then traveling to Argentina after the Brussels attacks. Right, a real leader would have stayed home and fought a Twitter battle over his opponent’s spouses?

Today was the 15th anniversary of the day Randy Johnson pulverized a bird with a pitch. Poor bird, if he had only been hit by Barry Zito, he’d have been telling the story to his grandchicks.

#‎RGIII‬ has signed with the Cleveland ‪#‎Browns‬. Same circus, different ringmaster?

 

In Indiana, it is now illegal to abort a pregnancy because of fetal abnormalities. But no doubt the “pro-life” folks will also make sure mothers of disabled babies/children/adults will have welfare and medical care as long as they need it…… ‪#‎sarcasm‬

 

In Palm Bay, a 24-year-old woman, angry her boyfriend was at a topless bar, confronted him in the parking lot, fought with him, and then ran him over with a car Back on your game, Florida. ‪#‎ifonlyshewasarmed‬

 

Florida looking to extend their lead for the week: A woman and her husband were both arrested after she hit him with a Burrito Supreme and he responded by stabbing her in the hand with a fork he was using to eat a Taco Bell pizza. ‪#‎standyourguacamole‬?

 

Arizona Cardinals coach Bruce Arians, saying only “fools” don’t want their kids to play football. “This is the greatest game in the world I think it teaches more values than any other game that you play.”
Right, that’s why the NFL leads other pro sports leagues with their arrest rate….

You know it’s really spring in Denver when…. a blizzard shuts down the airport.

 

Passengers on board a private plane escaped injury when their landing gear collapsed at San Jose Airport. Good thing it wasn’t United – they’d have probably started to charge a wheels fee.

So in the SF Bay Area March means two things: Next month the Giants are back. And next month the 49ers will make another bad draft pick.

OK, 66 is WAY too damn young. R.I.P Garry Shandling. My favorite quote – “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.”

Michele Bachmann wrote a long rambling post basically intimating that the Brussels bombings were Obama’s fault because God wanted to force the media to pull their attention from his Cuba trip. Wow. Is Bachmann angling for a post in a possible Trump cabinet?

From Dwight Perry, “If you think the NFL’s “what’s a catch?” rule can be cruel, ponder this for a second: Northern Iowa won an NCAA tournament game on a half-court heave that was still in the air 10 feet from the basket when the final buzzer sounded — and Cincinnati lost even though its tying shot was inside the cylinder at the buzzer. The latter because the shooter’s fingertip was still touching the ball.
Yeah, sports are weird.

 

 

 

 

 

Pass the brownies?

March 21, 2016

By a 6-2 vote, the Supreme Court today rejected a conservative challenge to Colorado’s marijuana legalization laws. Well, guess they don’t call it the High Court for nothing.

 

Go figure, the ‪#‎Spurs‬ can stop ‪#‎StephenCurry‬ and they can’t stop ‪#‎JeremyLin‬? ‪#‎Hornets‬

Dwight Howard, who has been warned along with the Rockets team about being caught with a sticky substance on his hand, said “I think that it’s getting overblown, like I’m doing something crazy. But again, I’ve never been a cheater.”
A cheater no, a baby, yes.

#‎Patriots‬ owner Robert Kraft apparently wrote NFL commissioner Roger Goodell asking for the #1 draft pick back that the team lost in the ‪#‎Deflategate‬ scandal. Meanwhile the ‪#‎Saints‬ wrote Goodell, they want 2012 back.

The SF 49ers and Santa Clara are haggling over 2016 rent, which was supposed to be $24.5 million; the team wants to pay $20 million. Well, of course, and aren’t most landlords in the SF Bay Area lowering rents in this economy?

(my friend Rich De Give asks “Doesn’t the lease state the 49ers are supposed to field a professional football team?”)

A new Park Slope, Brooklyn, $1-3 million condo development is going to offer a stroller valet service to residents. And we wonder why some of the rest of the world hates us?

Heard a radio ad for Whole Foods today, “America’s Healthiest Grocery Store.” Well if for no other reason than you can’t afford to buy enough food to make you fat.

A Texas man who was arrested for having sex on a Las Vegas Ferris wheel with a woman he just met has been fatally shot in a carjacking in Houston. Now, the guy had gone to Vegas to get married, but told police he had fought with his fiance, who was pregnant with another man’s child. They had reconciled, and she was with him when he was killed.
You REALLY cannot make this stuff up. ‪#‎madefortvmovie‬?

Sad news from Toronto that ex-mayor Rob Ford is now in palliative care. Hard to believe that there was a time not that long ago that Ford held the title “most outrageous politician in North America.”

Ted Cruz, saying that it’s a “sad day” with the President visiting Cuba. “Until Obama, siding with the oppressed had always been America’s aspiration.”
Right, as billions of people in Latin America, Africa, Asia and the Mideast can attest. ‪#‎SMH‬ ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Donald Trump, trying to be a kindler, gentler, candidate “I like John, he’s a nice guy, I like Ted, he’s a nice guy.” Ted Cruz a nice guy? That’s it. Now we KNOW the Donald is insane.

Elizabeth Warren is engaged in a Twitter war with Donald Trump. One of today’s latest salvos from Warren “@RealDonaldTrump knows he’s a loser. His insecurities are on parade: petty bullying, attacks on women, cheap racism, flagrant narcissism.”
Pass the popcorn, this could be fun.

John Kasich “There is a below-zero chance that I would serve as V.P. to one of the other candidates.” So he is saying there’s a chance?

Bernie Sanders’ latest fundraising email of the morning. “Tomorrow night is YUGE.” Wait, I thought the GOP was the party with the spelling problem.

 

 

Watching ‪#‎DWTS‬ for the first time ever because of ‪#‎DougFlutie‬. Well, it makes me less ashamed to be American than watching some of those ‪#‎GOP‬ debates.

#‎DougFlutie‬ and ‪#‎MarlaMaples‬ on ‪#‎DTWS‬: Talk about from the sublime to the ridiculous.

 

Marla Maples appearing in ‪#‎DWTS‬ – Dancing With The Stars. As opposed to her ex-, who regularly appears in ‪#‎DTWT‬ – Dancing With The Truth

The fat lady was humming, at least….

March 20, 2016

Texas A&M coach Billy Kennedy, when asked about their miracle comeback first said “To God be the Glory.” And God is thinking “Don’t blame me, I had switched to the Wisconsin-Xavier game.”

There was a rumor that for the last minute of  Northern Iowa Texas A&M game  ‪#‎TRUtv‬ executives were about to switch to Heidi? ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

 

 

Am confused. Somehow I thought the ‪#‎Pac12‬ was a major basketball conference? ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

Seven Pac-12 teams in the NCAA Tournament. One, Oregon, left after four days. That Stanford NIT win last year is looking better and better….

Johnny Manziel apparently has hired a super agent in an apparent last-ditch effort to find himself a new team. Hint to Johnny, the reason you’re unemployed isn’t your agent.

Who had ‪#‎MiddleTennesseeState‬ vs ‪#‎Syracuse‬ today? Now all of you liars put your hands down. ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

According to Boston media, Pablo Sandoval could be losing his starting job at third base to  25 year-old Travis Shaw, who is making the major league minimum.  Now,  I was okay when Panda said he needed a new challenge,  I was less okay when he started dissing the SF Giants. Apparently mean bitch karma agrees.

Raymond Moore, the tournament director of the BNP Paribas Open, called the WTA (women’s tennis association) “coattail riders,” and added “If I was a lady player, I’d go down every night on my knees and thank God that Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal were born, because they have carried the sport.”
Just wonder, how many American men tennis players most Americans can name? And also wonder what the odds on Serena playing his tournament again? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Andrew Pratt, a WR from Akron who took part in the university’s pro day, was accidentally shot by a teammate yesterday morning, but will recover. Guess Pratt really has proved he’s ready for the NFL.

RIchard Sherman ripped Roger Goodell for the new ejection after two personal fouls rule, and said “he’s just a shirt.” Wonder how much Sherman will get fined for that?

Kicker Jon Semerene was dismissed from Miami’s football team Friday after a DUI arrest that made in third Hurricane to be arrested in a week. So clearly the “Canes are back to being a major program?

Once again, who knows what really has gone on between Adam LaRoche and the White Sox: But if LaRoche had hit .307 last year instead of .207, pretty sure he and his son would still be at spring training.

 

Who the heck is ‪#‎ScottBaio‬?  (rhetorical question, mostly.)

How times have changed with running for President. We used to talk about “the best and the brightest.” Now the reason many give for supporting John Kasich – “at least he’s not bat-sh*t crazy.”

John Kasich said “under no circumstances” would he run serve as V.P. for Ted Cruz or Donald Trump. Right, like there was no way Paul Ryan was going to be speaker.

Bernie Sanders, dismissing the idea that he should drop out of the race, said “It would be extraordinarily undemocratic to the tell the people in half the states in America, ‘Oh, you don’t have a right to get involved in the nominating process for the Democratic candidate,'”
Of course, with the electoral college people in 3/4 of the states in America are basically being told their votes don’t matter in the actual election.

President Obama is visiting Cuba. Wonder how many conservatives will react saying, “So, not only is he a closet Muslim, he’s also a Communist?”

From T.C.  “The Toronto Maple Leafs have invited Chicago White Sox’s Adam LaRoche and his son to visit their locker room any time they want. As a matter of fact, they can even dress for the game and sit on the bench until needed.”

Who needs numbers anyway?

March 18, 2016

So will the DVD of the 2016 Men’s Basketball Tournament be titled “The Bad Seeds” ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

Looking like the folks who seeded the NCAA tournament were about as good at their jobs as the Michigan Democratic pollsters who had that big win for Hillary.

 

Oops. ‪#‎marchmadness‬ headline  “Las Vegas SuperBook Has Michigan State As Favorite To Win NCAA Tournament”

Only thing that could have saved ‪#‎MichiganState‬ today was a ‪#‎JimHarbaugh‬ punt. ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

Many thought ‪#‎MichiganState‬ should have had a #1 seed. So would they have lost to #16 seed ‪#‎Hampton‬ too? ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

Even ‪#‎MiddleTennesseeState‬ alums didn’t have them winning this game. ‪#‎MichiganState‬ ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

Happy 2nd round of March Madness.  That morning when millions  of Americans wake up and realize their retirement plan will not include millions made on betting the perfect bracket.

73-67 ‪#‎Warriors‬ over ‪#‎Mavericks‬ at halftime. Did someone decide to play by ‪#‎NBA‬ All-Star Game rules and not tell us?

This kid clearly wants to be drafted by the Spurs and Gregg Popovich. Or at least Pop wants him as his media spokesman: Baylor’s Taurean Prince, asked after their upset loss how the Bears were out-rebounded by Yale. “You grab it with two hands, and you come down with it, and that’s considered a rebound. So they got more of those than we did.”

The Colts are going to retire Peyton Maning’s #18 and build him a statue. But before it’s installed the Broncos are interested in seeing if the statue can lead them to another Super Bowl win.

 

Chicago White Sox star pitcher Chris Sale says the team is demanding a meeting with chariman Jerry Reinsdorf over Adam LaRoche’s retirement and executive V.P Ken Williams “bold-faced” lying to players.
Remember the good old days when the White Sox’s biggest problem was Ozzie Guillen shooting off his mouth?

Former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is seriously ill and in the hospital with cancer. Wishing him the best. Hard to realize now but there was a time not that long ago when Ford might have been the brashest, loudest and most politically-incorrect politician in North America.

Hulk Hogan won $115 million in a lawsuit after Gawker published a sex tape of him with his (then) best-friend’s wife. Now that’s the kind of combination of money and family values that might get Hogan an offer of a place in a Trump cabinet.

On brighter note, ‪#‎MittRomney‬‘s awful 2012 Presidential campaign is no longer the most embarrassing performance out of Michigan. ‪#‎MichiganState‬

Sad news that Ravens CB Troy Walker, 23, has died after an accident on a dirt bike, when he was apparently riding in dark clothing at night without lights and collided with a car. Proving alas that with all the dangers in the world, high up there is testosterone poisoning.

 

 

FOX News is slamming Donald Trump for his vitriolic attacks against Megyn Kelly and his extreme, sick obsession with her.” FOX thinks such vitriol and obsession should be reserved for Hillary Clinton.