Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category
May 23, 2015
Ireland is mostly a Catholic country. And the Irish Constitution contains this phrase: “We, the people of Éire, Humbly acknowledging all our obligations to our Divine Lord, Jesus Christ, Who sustained our fathers through centuries of trial.” And with over 62 % voting in favor of gay marriage, they’ve decided Jesus was indeed a tolerant guy. #Fabulous
Patriots fans are planning a “Free Tom Brady” rally tomorrow from 11a to1p at Gillette Stadium. It’s described on FB as “a peaceful rally to protest the unjust football arrest of half God half man Tom Brady.” Wow. There must really not be much to do in Foxborough on Memorial Day weekend.
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So on what would have been Bristol’s wedding day, the Palins and her ex-fiance’s family said they are still gathering for a barbecue at the Meyer’s farm in Kentucky. “‘On the year anniversary of our families meeting each other, this weekend is to appreciate both our families’ unconventional, unexpected chapters in exciting lives, with pages turning to more opportunities to live life vibrantly.” Possible translation – both families are thinking “We dodged a bullet.”
(Either that or no one wants to waste food when it’s too late to cancel the caterer?)
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As a make-up doubleheader at Coors Field between Colorado and San Francisco had the first game delayed over two hours and the second game delayed and almost rained out, MLB has to be thinking what a good thing it is that the Rockies are almost never season contenders. Add fall and real snow potential and it might take a month to play the World Series.
Unlikely sporting event: The Houston Rockets making it to the NBA Western Conference Finals. Even more unlikely sporting event: Houston fans saying “It’s okay when we lose, we still have the Astros.”
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The minor-league Florida Stone Crabs planned “A-Rod Juice Box Night” tonight, where the first 500 fans got a free juice box, and any fans bringing A-Rod T-shirts, hats or other merchandise to be donated to the Salvation Army could get a free ticket. Alas it was cancelled after protests from the Yankees, whose spokesman said “We have taken many steps in last few hours to get them to cease and desist.” No doubt many many $tep$.
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Atlanta’s Kent Bazemore, whose Hawks team is down 2-0 to the Cleveland Cavaliers – “I still think we’re the better team.” Thinking there were a lot of teams who were “better” than the SF Giants last year too.
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In Cleveland, a white police officer was acquitted of manslaughter in a 2012 case where two unarmed black suspects whose car backfired while speeding past police headquarters were fatally shot in a 137-shot barrage. Because 140 or 150 shots would have been excessive force?
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This would be funny if it weren’t so awful. An Arkansas state judge told police on Thursday to destroy the 2006 offense report on Josh Duggar. Mike Huckabee, who is publicly defending the family says the “victims wanted this left in the past,” so the destruction was “not to protect Josh, but the innocent victims.” #JesusREALLYwept
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Coors field jokes, Duggar jokes, gay marriage jokes, Janice Hough, MLB jokes, Palin jokes
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May 22, 2015
TLC has apparently cancelled “19 Kids and Counting.”
And from the Duggar family, this direct quote from Josh’s statement. “I understood that if I continued down this wrong road that I would end up ruining my life.”
HIS life? But hey, the girls he molested, they would grow up fine with enforced future purity and “side hugs” #sickpuppy
Waiting for the first owners of a small business to say it goes against their religious values to bake a cake for a Duggar family wedding. #duggars
Bus to hell moment. Wonder if the “19 kids” in the title referred to Josh’s tally.
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Some times the best quotes come from the oddest places. This is from Mama June Shannon, Honey Boo Boo’s mom, whose family TLC show was canceled last fall after reports that she was dating a convicted child molester. “”I read that the Duggar family said this happening with their son brought them closer to God and each other. So they’re saying it’s ok to have family touch time? Hell no.”
Seahawks’ DE Michael Bennett says that playing for coach Pete Carroll “is like playing for Willy Wonka.” Well, except for at the end of the movie, Willy Wonka handed off the factory.
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Michael Sam has signed with the CFL Alouettes and says he wants to bring a Grey Cup to Montreal. Give Sam credit, at least he knows what the Grey Cup is.
The San Francisco 49ers and San Diego Chargers first preseason game Sept 3 at Levi’s Stadium is now on Goldstar for half-price. But many fans may want to wait to see how much the teams will offer to pay them to show up.
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Chris Christie now says the media owes him an apology over Bridgegate. Or what, he’ll close New Jersey Transit so they can’t get to work?
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Disney World is trying to crack down on people who use selfie-sticks on rides at their theme parks. Ah, for a machine that could just randomly grab sticks while rides are in operation and throw them and their users off…
Kyrie Irving was out for Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals with left knee tendinitis. Sounds like we are getting ever closer to an NBA version of that baseball cartoon, with LeBron James channeling Bugs Bunny and playing all the positions.
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LA GM Mitch Kupchak says the 2015-16 season will be Bryant’s last with the Lakers “He has indicated to me that this is it.” Kobe has one year and $25 million left on his contract. So is Bryant retiring? Or just not happy with the idea of actually being paid in future for what he is now worth.
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From Marc Ragovin; “Pete Townshend turned 70 the other day. So now instead of singing “Who Are Your?” it’s “Who Am I?”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Christie jokes, Disney jokes, Duggar jokes, Duggarfamily jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, TLC
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May 20, 2015
The last “Late Show with David Letterman” ended Wednesday, after 33 years. The most amazing thing for the younger generation, that to watch the show you once actually had to stay up “Late Night.”
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33 years ago…. to put that in perspective, half as long as Vin Scully has been announcing.
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In 1982 the Chicago Cubs were only in a 74 year World Series drought.
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Police said they found about 1,000 weapons were found at the Twin Peaks restaurant in Waco after the shootout last weekend. Well gosh, I can certainly see why Texas lawmakers are pushing to loosen the state’s gun laws…..
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George Clooney said last night on Jimmy Kimmel that his wife Amal isn’t always happy with his style of dress – “There is that moment when I’ve worn the same T-shirt like for a week that she says, ‘Really?'” Well, okay, so he’s a bit of slob. Millions of heartbroken women can now feel they’ve dodged a bullet.
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You can’t make this stuff up. Virginia State Senate candidate Joe Morrissey, 57, denied allegations of a sexual relationship with his 17 year old secretary in 2013, but accepted a plea bargain with a six-month jail sentence on a misdemeanor charge of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. He’s now been released, after being re-elected while in jail, and confirms he is the father of a 9-week-old baby with the young woman. (This makes four children by four different women.)
Well, give the guy credit, at least he’s not running on a family values platform.
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NY Daily News headline “Double-decker tour bus fatally slams into elderly woman in Morningside Heights” The woman was 68! 68?!!. Heck, had she been a man she’d be about the right age to play for the San Antonio Spurs. (and too young to play with the Rolling Stones.)
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The Warriors’ Stephen Curry has been fined $5,000 by the NBA for flopping last night against the Rockets. Actually, these fines aren’t for flopping…they’re just for flopping clumsily enough to get caught.
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Two New Jersey DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency) have been charged with illegally moonlighting by operating a strip club on the side. Maybe they had aspirations of joining the Secret Service?
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A Norwegian Cruise Line ship that ran aground in Bermuda yesterday has been refloated back into the water. No word on what NCL might do regarding compensation for the passengers. If they were an airline they’d probably charge for an extra stop.
In the NHL, the Toronto Maple Leafs lured coach Mike Babcock away from Detroit with a 8 year, $50 million contract. It might not have just been the money. Don’t disregard not having to worry about all that stressful playoff pressure.
There may be better pitchers at #ATTPark for #SFGiants, including a World Series MVP. But will any be more loved than #TimLincecum? #Timmy
A new study shows that for the past 10 years the worst airport in the summer for on-time flight arrivals is Newark, with only 64.5% of flights arriving on schedule. On the brighter side, 35.5% of passengers thus had less time than they expected in New Jersey.
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Speculation now that the Obamas may move to New York City after they leave the White House. Though wonder if the $30 million that the Clintons have earned in the last year or so would be enough these days to buy a Manhattan apartment.
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Aaron Hernandez was apparently involved in a prison fight on Monday. So congrats to all those who had May 18 in the pool.
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Former senator John Glenn, 93, saying he believes evolution should be taught in schools. “I don’t see that I’m any less religious by the fact that I can appreciate the fact that science just records that we change with evolution and time, and that’s a fact. It doesn’t mean it’s less wondrous and it doesn’t mean that there can’t be some power greater than any of us that has been behind and is behind whatever is going.”
At 93, Glenn is better on that question than many current presidential candidates….
Thought for the night forwarded by an anonymous friend “I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself .”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Aaron Hernandez jokes, George Clooney jokes, Janice Hough, Letterman jokes, Maple Leaf jokes, Morrissey jokes, NBA jokes, Waco jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
May 20, 2015
The NFL is apparently about to change the Point After Touchdown (PAT) rule. Oakland Raiders fans are asking “The what?”
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Former Notre Dame quarterback Everett Golson is transferring to Florida State and will play for the Seminoles next year. Well, at least he won’t have to worry anymore about being suspended for “poor academic judgment.”
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ESPN is reporting that the NFL and New England Patriots are having “back-channel conversations” to see if they can settle Deflategate differences without an appeal or litigation. Translation, so Brady can play against the Cowboys in week 4, and Kraft and Goodell can still have dinner together….
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Patriots owner Bob Kraft said the team will not appeal the NFL fine and loss of draft picks over Deflategate. Meaning there’s probably a deal to reduce Brady’s suspension. And what’s $1 million anyway. The Pats can always raise beer prices.
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To boost sales, KFC is bringing back Colonel Sanders, and coming out with a fancier restaurant design. What’s next, actually spending money to improve the quality of their food?
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The minor league baseball Fresno Grizzlies have joined the creative ballpark food bandwagon with “Frankenslice” – a pizza with hot dogs wrapped in the crust. Does it come with a discount coupon for an EKG?
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UPS will reportedly pay $25 million in claims for falsifying “on-time” claims for ten years. And the airlines are thinking “You can do that?”
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Walmart’s income $1.03 a share in the first quarter, when analysts had expected $1.05 a share. And the company blamed it partly on higher raising worker wages to at least $9 a hour. The company ended up only making $3.1 billion. Wonder if Walmart sells violins so we can get them out and play them….
A Rasmussen poll says 46% of voters want George Stephanopoulos banned after t came out that he donated $75,000 to the Clinton Foundation. Okay, maybe not a smart move but did any one actually think the former Clinton staffer was unbiased before? (Maybe about as many as actually believe “Fair and balanced.”)
Bryce Harper has 10 home runs in the last 12 games. Even Barry Bonds is thinking “Who’d be idiotic enough to throw him a strike?”
So after the Waco biker shootings, Texas is moving ahead with an “Open Carry” bill that will LOOSEN handgun laws, with leglislators saying things like the law had nothing to do with the shooting and it’s not as if the current law stopped them. #Whatcouldpossiblyhavebeenworse? #Whatcouldpossiblygowrong
#Knicks fall to #4 in the #NBADraft. Karmic punishment for being stupid enough to beat the #Hawks and #Spurs down the stretch.
Of course, it’s all relative. The worst-in-the-league #Timberwolves got the 1st pick in the #NBADraft but already had Rookie of the Year Andrew Wiggins. Meanwhile the last time the #Spurs had a lottery pick they took a young man named #TimDuncan. #alonglongtimeago
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: deflategate jokes, FSU jokes, Janice Hough, KFC jokes, NBA draft jokes, NFL jokes, Patriots jokes, Waco jokes, Walmart jokes
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May 17, 2015
So since Friday, when the smokestacks topped with bats caught fire at Great American Ball Park, the SF Giants have scored 30 runs in three games. Is it time to do a sacrificial bat bonfire out in the Coke Bottle at AT&T Park?
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Getting the feeling that they had to have to pry #SFGiants hitters kicking & screaming out of the Cincinnati visitor’s clubhouse
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A teenager fortunately escaped with non-life threatening injuries after being gored while posing for a picture with a bison a few feet away. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised to know the teen is female. #equalopportunityDarwin
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Sunday was is “Bay to Breakers” in San Francisco. In many ways a quaint reminder of the days when California used to be considered the craziest state in the U.S.
That #Romney #Holyfield charity boxing match just may have had more action than #Mayweather #Pacquaio
Henry Cisneros said today he thought Hillary Clinton would choose former San Antonio Mayor Julian Castro as her running mate. You’ll know the rumors are serious when some in the GOP start making noises about Castro’s birth certificate.
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Bernie Sanders today on CNN denied he would be a “spoiler” in the 2016 race, and added “Maybe I shouldn’t say this: I like Hillary Clinton, I respect Hillary Clinton” But also asked if the media would “allow us to have a serious debate. Or is the only way you get media attention by ripping apart somebody else”
Besides being a self proclaimed “Democratic socialist,” Sanders is clearly too reasonable to ever be elected President.
Jeb Bush just joined with those who say that Christian business owners should not have to provide services for gay weddings “absolutely, if it’s based on a religious belief.”
I’d take Jeb and any of his fellow candidates more seriously if they would also come out and defend the right of those same business owners to reject wedding services where both parties haven’t remained virgins until marriage, or where one or both have been previously divorced….
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So it’s becoming closer to unanimous amongst U.S.Presidential candidates that the Iraq War might have been a mistake. Now wonder who will be the first to admit there might be issues with the statement “The world is a better place without Saddam Hussein.” #Isis #forstarters–
Kobe and company would like to thank the #Clippers for their gallant effort in contesting the #Lakers for this year’s most embarrassing story at Staples Center
Rut ro, from Marc Ragovin ” The good news: Charlotte Brown, a blind pole vaulter, won a bronze model at a recent track meet by clearing the bar at 11’6″. The bad news: her guide dog, Vador, will no longer be able to have puppies.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bush jokes, choke jokes, clipper jokes, Janice Hough, jeb bush jokes, San Francisco jokes, SF Giants jokes
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May 17, 2015
As Jeb Bush fumbles his way around the Iraq question, have to wonder if Jimmy Carter is quietly thinking “And they said MY brother was an embarrassing liability.”
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Russian President Vladimir Putin apparently scored 8 goals while playing in an exhibition hockey game with former NHL players. Not to be outdone, Kim Jong Un reported scoring 16 goals in a game after using an anti-aircraft gun on the goalie.
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#FAOSchwarz‘s flagship store in New York is closing. For many of us, especially #TomHanks fans, that’s a #Big loss.
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American Pharoah has a misspelled name. These days does that make him truly America’s horse?
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Walt Disney World is opening an Indiana Jones Themed bar and restaurant. Not sure all the entrees, but will one of them have to be snake?
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It’s May 17. Which means we are only a month and two days away from a potential game 7 in the NBA finals No joke. #andtheysaythebaseballseasonistoolong
Happiest people besides Houston Rockets fans after the Los Angeles Clippers’ collapse in game six? Advertisers for the fourth quarter of game seven. Regardless of the score, NO ONE is going to turn the game off early.
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When asked if their hockey team could win the Stanley Cup most New Yorkers answer “Yes.” Most Floridians answer “We have a hockey team?”
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Full credit to whoever was in charge of music at Great American Ballpark last night. While the smokestack burned they played “We Didn’t Start The Fire.”
Meanwhile , so all that the #SFGiants were missing to turn into an offensive juggernaut was for someone to set a fire in the outfield?
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-A US raid has killed a major ISIS commander. Finally something the GOP won’t blame on Obama.
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Elizabeth Warren at the Anaheim Convention Center with one of the best summation of the 2016 GOP Presidential candidates: Some of them took too many rides on the tea cups across the street.
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Anti-vaccine protestors outside the California Democratic convention have a number of signs. Including one that says the Republicans are against mandatory childhood vaccinations. And a number of Democratic candidates are thinking “Can we borrow that sign?”
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The Clintons have apparently made $30 million in the last 16 months. “Slackers,” sniffed Mitt Romney.
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Some Republicans are blasting Bill and Hillary Clinton for making $30 million mostly off speeches. At least they think Chelsea will make her money the American way – by inheriting it.
From Bill Littlejohn: ” At a Connecticut golf course, a man in one group ahead brandished a gun on a second group behind who complained that they were moving too slow and demanded to play through. This gives new meaning to ‘approach shot’.”
(wonder if he was on vacation from Florida)
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: American Pharoah jokes, Bush jokes, Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, SFGiants jokes, Triple Crown jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 16, 2015
So all it really took for #SFGiants bats to heat up in Cincinnati is for the ballpark to catch fire?
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As we approach the 2016 election many Americans are supporting Jeb hoping he won’t repeat his brother’s presidency.. Or supporting Hillary hoping she will repeat her husband’s. #Itsallrelative
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A new study sponsored by Microsoft found that humans now have shorter attention spans than goldfish. Oh look, a kitten….
As a regular driver on the bus to hell, still have to wonder, what if we could have only sent critically injured and now convicted Boston bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s to a random HMO hospital, maybe we wouldn’t be facing the current death penalty controversy?
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I understand that vigilante justice is a bad idea, and I understand that jury trials are a right. But how many millions of dollars did we spend saving the life of Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, and on his trial, and how many more millions will be spent on the death penalty appeals.?
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A new study sponsored by Microsoft found that humans now have shorter attention spans than goldfish. Oh look, a kitten….
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Fox News guest Gavin Mcinnes: “The big picture here is, women do earn less in America because they choose to… They’re less ambitious, and I think this is sort of God’s way, this is nature’s way of saying women should be at home with the kids — they’re happier there.” So which GOP Presidential candidate will hire McInnes first as a cultural adviser?
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So apparently Dakota Meyer, Bristol Palin’s fiance, married another woman in 2008. No word on when they split up. But just wondering, would Sarah and others in the GOP support a religious bakery owner’s right not to make a cake for a divorced man?
So now there are rumors, rumors only, that Bristol Palin’s fiance may STILL be married to another woman. As someone who tries to be a decent human being, I hope the rumors are wrong. As a bus to hell comedy writer….
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Hoping for #PaulPierce‘s sake that during last brilliant 3-point shot attempt he didn’t pause for a split second to call “game.” #ATLvsWAS
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So the Stanford Band has been banned from 2015 road trips, for off-field infractions including “an annual trip in which some band members used illegal substances.” Am sure it’s just coincidence that this year’s Cardinal away games include visits to Colorado and Washington State.
So some outrage over ABC’s George Stephanopoulos having contributed to the Clinton Foundation. Guess I missed the outrage from the same folks over Fox News’ Rupert Murdoch’s and Roger Ailes’s donations?
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Boston jokes, bus to hell jokes, Fox jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, SF Giants jokes
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May 13, 2015
A new Johns Hopkins University of Medicine study found that new stronger strains of marijuana could cause people exposed to second-hand smoke to test positive for pot drug in a urine analysis. Was this study sponsored by the NFL Players Association?
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Corey Kluber, 113 pitches, 8 inning one-hit shutout, 18 strikeouts! And Indians took him out of game. #oldschoolpitchersareweeping
But hey, it’s about pitch counts now. And we all know pitch counts make a big difference in pitchers’ health, because so few young players are getting injured these days and/or needing surgery…. Oops, never mind.
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Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, in support of Roger Goodell and his Deflategate decision: “I think he’s doing a great job, and I’m a big supporter of his. … I know one of his best qualities is fairness.” Translation. Either Romo likes hard footballs, or Jones knows he handles his balls himself.
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Former FSU coach Bobby Bowden, 85, on Jameis Winston “I think it’s a consensus amongst Florida State fans and boosters that he was an embarrassment in a lot of ways to the university.” Sigh, Bowden was a great coach. But memory is one of the first things to go. #FreeShoesUniversity
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A couple who was convicted of “lewd and lascivious exhibition” for having sex on a crowded beach with children around not only faces jail time, they must register as sex offenders. Right, because their display was almost as bad as what many American children see every night on television?
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The Arizona attorney general’s office has filed charges against a woman who in 2010 faked having cancer to get an abortion. Agree that it was wrong. But imagine what kind of mother she would have made.
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Searchers looking for Malaysia Airlines flight 370 in the Indiana Ocean have discovered a 19th century shipwreck. Stand by for the CNN special talking about if it’s a cruise ship.
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A small detail that got lost in last night’s SF Giants 8-1 win over the Astros. Nori Aoki was originally called safe at first, but the call was overturned quickly after a video review. The first base umpire? Jim Joyce. #Fiveyearstoolate #ArmandoGalarraga
In Wisconsin, the state assembly passed bills mandating drug tests for welfare recipients, and requiring that monthly stipends be used for healthy foods. Okay, fine, can we also drug test Wisconsin assembly members, and require them to use their $88 a DAY living expenses on healthy food too?
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So American Idol has been cancelled in part because of what some call WGWG (“White guys with guitars) syndrome. Where the winners are cute WGWG’s who may win votes from mostly young female viewers, but never amount to anything. And what do they do for their penultimate final? Send the girl rocker home in favor of two WGWGs
Why people who aren’t in the travel industry shouldn’t write travel articles: A SF Chronicle story from Business Insider on the “best Hawaiian islands for every type of traveler” says “Best for honeymooners – Lanai” – …” “a perfect destination for honeymooners who are seeking privacy and seclusion. Since the island’s two Four Seasons Resorts are currently closed to the public for renovations, visitors can enjoy more seclusion and fewer tourists.
Uh, yes, since the ONLY two major hotels on the island are closed, and the ONLY hotel open is the funky Hotel Lanai with 11 rooms, there’s plenty of seclusion…..
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: American Idol jokes, CNN jokes, deflategate jokes, FSU jokes, Jameis Winston jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes
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May 12, 2015
Dennis Norfleet, Michigan’s all-time leader in kick returns and kick return yards has been dismissed from the program over a disciplinary issue with new coach Jim Harbaugh. Shall we start a pool with which SEC team Norfleet will end up?
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Jim Harbaugh and Michigan have self-reported four minor violations to the NCAA. One of them, that he sent an autographed helmet and jersey to a high school auction benefiting a scholarship fund. (Which apparently Jim didn’t know was illegal.) Really good to see that the NCAA is focused on the important things.
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Verizon is buying AOL. In hopes that finally two wrongs do make a right?
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So apparently in yesterday’s apparent road rage incident involving George Zimmerman, both Zimmerman and the man who allegedly shot him -resulting in minor injuries -had guns with them at the time. And Darwin is thinking “Missed a two-fer by THAT much”
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Tom Brady’s agent has accused Ted Wells of running a biased “sting” investigation on “Deflategate”, and Wells has fired back defending himself and the report. I’m wondering how long until one of the fired Patriots’ employees decides to supplement his severance pay with a book deal…..#whenyoureinaholestopdigging?
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Today President Obama’s Tuesday fast-track trade deal was stalled in the Senate….by Democrats. And over at Fox News heads are exploding. #dowehavetopickaside?
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Just got a pre-sale notice for the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular. So is it time for stores to start decorating?
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The U.K. Daily Mail is reporting that the real reason Lindsey Vonn and Tiger Woods split up is that she found out he cheated on her. “I can’t believe Tiger would do that” said nobody.
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A woman gave birth on an AIr Canada flight to Japan, and said she hadn’t even known she was pregnant. Another graduate of “Abstinence only” education?
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Donald Trump has apparently TRADEMARKED the slogan “Make America Great Again” for his Presidential campaign. Is he trying to top “Mission Accomplished?”
Per Duane Kuiper, #SFGiants are hitting 5 for 26 with the bases loaded in 2015. Matt #Duffy with the bases loaded is 3 for 4. #McGehee who?
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The SF Giants have a much maligned farm system. But starting today. Pitcher Chris Heston, catcher Buster Posey, first baseman Brandon Belt, second baseman Joe Panik, shortshop Brandon Crawford, and third baseball Matt Duffy. Every single one of them home-grown talent.
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MLB has tightened security for its game balls after Deflategate. Angels pitcher C.J. Wilson commented “Obviously, there’s not as much that you can do to baseballs. I mean, you can’t change the density of the baseball at any point — unless you dunk them in water. Then they’re going to be 9 ounces, and everyone’s going to blow their arms out.” Hmm. wonder how he knew that?
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Lindsay Lohan, who still has more than half of her 250 mandated community service hours to go from a 2013 reckless driving conviction, apparently missed her first day Tuesday at a Brooklyn preschool. This could really put her in jeopardy with Hollywood’s “37 strikes and you’re out” policy.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: deflategate jokes, George Zimmerman jokes, Harbaugh jokes, Janice Hough, NCAA jokes, SF Giants jokes, Tiger jokes, Tom Brady jokes, Trump jokes
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May 12, 2015
Tom Brady has been suspended four games for “Deflate-gate.” So which reporter wants to take his/her life into their hands and ask Giselle what she thinks of it?
Four game suspension for Tom Brady. Does this mean Roger Goodell is playing hardball?
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So I guess when it comes to #Patriots coach and GM #BillBelichick ignorance IS an excuse. #Saints #Ignoranceisnoexcuse #SeanPayton
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Last game of Brady’s suspension – against the Dallas Cowboys. His first start of 2015 will thus be against the Indianapolis Colts. Who are thinking…. the NFL couldn’t have just made it four games starting AFTER the season opener?
Meanwhile, Aaron Hernandez, already serving a life sentence without possibility of parole, has now been charged with trying to silence a witness in a double murder case against him by shooting him in the face and leaving him for dead. In addition to being charged with those two murders.
If Hernandez isn’t careful Roger Goodell will really throw the book at him.
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Reports say that Chris Christie spent $82,000 at Jets/Giants games at MetLife Stadium between 2010 and 2011. Well, to be fair, at NFL prices that’s probably only a few dozen beers.
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Fox has announced that American Idol’s next season will be its last. Shocking. American Idol is still on?
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Ryan Seacrest is being asked by many in the media how he feels about American Idol’s impending cancellation. Surprised he isn’t answering “You’ll find out after the break.”
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Breaking headline Monday “George Zimmerman involved in shooting in Florida, police say” So congratulations to all those who had May 11 in the pool.
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As part of Carly Fiorina’s Presidential campaign she is touting her leadership experience at Hewlett Packard. Isn’t that like JaMarcus Russell touting his leadership experience with the Oakland Raiders?-
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So I’ve made jokes about one-and-done basketball players not being able to count. But hey, after yesterday’s Bulls-Cavs game most of them are thinking “Well we can at least count to SIX.” #DavidBlatt #timeout
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Apparently Cleveland coach David Blatt had something different in mind for the end of yesterday’s playoff game, but LeBron James said ““The play that was drawn up, I scratched. I just told coach, just give me the ball” “Damn, you can DO that!?” said Marshawn Lynch.
“Reality TV Star” Kristin Cavallari just announced she is expecting her 3rd child with Jay Cutler. So sounds like the Chicago QB at least is completing some passes at home.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cavs jokes, David Blatt jokes, Deflate-gate jokes, Fiorina jokes, George Zimmerman jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, Roger Goodell jokes, Tom Brady joke
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May 11, 2015
Okay, so it’s been a few years. My son’s first Mother’s Day at Candlestick Park. #raisinghimright
Meanwhile, SF Giants fans and players would like to thank Matt Duffy for his game-winning RBI today. Because who really wanted to play 15 innings and not only be late for Mother’s Day dinner, but be at the ballpark after they’d cut off beer etc sales after seven innings…
Maybe this man really doesn’t want to be President? Jeb Bush today on Fox News said he also would have invaded Iraq in 2003, “I would have [authorized the invasion], and so would have Hillary Clinton, just to remind everybody. And so would almost everybody that was confronted with the intelligence they got,”
Isn’t Jeb Bush reminding voters that he would have authorized the Iraq invasion like Hillary Clinton reminding voters that her husband would have input into choosing interns?
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So a new DOT ruling as of last Friday allows airlines to back out of “mistake” fares, when an error in loading prices means consumers are able briefly to book tickets for a few dollars. Alas, when consumers make a mistake and book the wrong flight or date, we’re still SOL. #toerrishumantoforgiveisnotairlinepolicy
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A 13-year Harvard University study of 20,000 women found that those who drank half a bottle of wine a day had a 70 % reduced risk of obesity compared to non-drinkers. For all those who didn’t already have enough reason for a Mother’s Day toast!
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Mother’s Day in the NBA. Another reason for players to want their teams to go deep into the playoffs. Being busy eliminates those tough decisions about which of their children’s moms to take to brunch.
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SNL opening skit Saturday night focused on the GOP 2016 Presidential contenders. But really, how could SNL have the hubris to imagine they could come up with anything funnier and more absurd than the candidates themselves?
From Alex Kaseberg, “Happy Mother’s Day. May your Mother’s Day not be nearly as confusing as it is for Kylie and Kendall Jenner.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Candlestick jokes, Janice Hough, jeb bush jokes, MLB jokes, mothers day jokes, NBA jokes, playoff jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
May 9, 2015
The Washingon Wizards won Saturday despite squandering a bigger lead today faster than Hillary Clinton in the 2008 Presidential Primaries. #WizHawks
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The VTA (Valley Transportation Authority) in Santa Clara County, Northern California, claims that they are having to spend $3 million extra on extra trains and buses for events at Levi’s Stadium, especially 49ers games, which have had huge lines going home.
Maybe one bright side of the upcoming season will be less crowding since a lot more SF fans will be probably leaving in the 3rd quarter.
The Alabama House passed the “Tim Tebow Act” this week, which allows home-schooled children to play sports at public schools.
“We are a group of citizens of the great state of Alabama lobbying for our state public education establishment to allow homeschooled students equal access to sports and extracurricular activities.”
Translation, religion/schmelgion, if it leads to potential championships and Heisman winners, we don’t even care if athletes are raised by Wiccans.
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Yasiel Puig, due to come off the DL this week, has apparently reaggravated his hamstring injury. The Dodgers play the Giants starting May 19. Which could set up a quandry for SF fans. Who do we most boo?
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As we await Roger Goodell’s decision on Tom Brady, anyone doubt if this had been say, the Raiders, there wouldn’t have been multiple suspensions by now?
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Yahoo is suing an ex-employee for allegedly revealing company secrets last year to a writer for his book. This is really shocking. Yahoo has any worthwhile secrets?!
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A spoof news site, Newslo, ran a story on that Baltimore mom who grabbed her son and pulled him out of the riots, title “Child Protective Services Launch Investigation on Baltimore Mom Who Hit Son,” with the fake quote “although her actions are somewhat understandable, we cannot allow a young man to suffer such violence and abuse, regardless of the cause.”
And some regular media picked the story up as true. The scary thing, these days it wouldn’t be that surprising if it WERE true.
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San Francisco has banned chewing tobacco in sports venues starting Jan 1, 2016. John Shea in the SF Chronicle quotes one anonymous Giant as asking “But you can smoke weed?”
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The USGS says the Dallas, TX area has has over 40 small earthquakes (magnitude 2.0 or higher) in 2015. How long until Ted Cruz blames this on Obama?
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Jeb Bush at Liberty University blasted the Obama administration’s “use of coercive federal power” to limit religious freedom. I’d take him a lot more seriously if Jeb was also okay with defending religious freedom for non-Christians….
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Congrats to Bryce Harper, who has hit 6 home runs in 3 days. Although this does bring up the question, why the heck is anyone throwing him strikes?
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Paul Pierce wins a game at the buzzer that the Wizards had done their best to squander. Impressive. Given his age and skills Pierce is almost old enough to be offered a free agent contract by the Spurs.
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A NJ woman has filed a $5 million class-action lawsuit against United Airlines, saying she was misled when she paid $7.99 for four hours for DirectTV-wifi service that only worked for 10 minutes. But the airline says the service only works over the continental U.S. and she was flying to Puerto Rico. Maybe the one she should be suing is her geography teacher.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Bush jokes, Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, New Jersey jokes, San Francisco jokes, Warriors jokes
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May 8, 2015
So let’s see, if Tom Brady gets a 3 game suspension, he misses the Steelers, Bills and Jaguars games….. if he gets a 4 game suspension, he misses the Cowboys. New England vs. Dallas. That’s a tough one. Many Americans are going to have a hard time deciding which team they would rather see lose.
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No other QB in the NFL so far has said anything of substance on the Tom Brady “Deflate-gate” issue. But I wonder how many of them have been on their phones deleting texts?
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Pretty clear that the Patriots didn’t need to cheat to beat the Colts in the AFC championship game. Of course, Nixon didn’t need to cheat to beat McGovern either…. #whenwilltheyeverlearn #coverupworsethanthecrime
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Besides deflecting Deflate-gate questions, Tom Brady commented yesterday on his no-show at the White House last month, saying if the Patriots won again “there’s no doubt I’ll be there. They should just give me a little more planning in advance.” Gosh, and how could anyone think the man is disingenuous?
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The poor get poorer? Dante Fowler Jr., #3 pick in the 2015 NFL draft, tore his ACL less than an hour into the Jaguars’ rookie mini-camp. On the bright side, looking like Jacksonville should have another high draft pick next year..
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A new WSJ/NBC poll found that 52% of Americans would be comfortable with a evangelical Christian presidential candidate, but 61% would be comfortable with a gay or lesbian president. #Fabulous #thetimestheyareachangin
Meanwhile, Lindsey Graham is set to announce his candidacy for 2016 on June 1. #justsayin
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A GOP state senator from Vermont was arrested on Thursday after he allegedly solicited sex from two women in exchange for overdue rent. Presumably not the way Republicans in the state wanted to stop Bernie Sanders from getting all the headlines.
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At Heathrow Airport’s Terminal 2, a misting globe will dispense fragrances through the air that represent Brazil, China, South Africa, Thailand and Japan, as those are destinations passengers can reach from Heathrow.
Hmm…. out of Terminal 2 you can also take United nonstop to Newark, New Jersey…..
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How the mighty have fallen. Today’s ESPN headline. “Tiger birdies final hole to move above cut line.”
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Apparently Texas has gotten too many of the headlines: A principal of a charter high school was arrested after she was caught with a student, partially unclothed, and allegedly smoking marijuana. Nice trifecta, Florida.
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Spanish police caught a woman trying to smuggle an eight-year-old boy across the border inside a suitcase. And U.S. airlines just got another idea for transporting discount fare passengers.
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Warning on a new SPF 30 moisturizer – For External Use Only. Well, glad they cleared that up…. #cantfixstupid #toomanylawyers
From Bill Littlejohn ” Leaked from Tom Brady’s appeal to Roger Goodell. ‘To air is human, to forgive is divine.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Brady jokes, Deflate-gate jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Patriots jokes, Tom Brady jokes, travel jokes
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May 8, 2015
The Cleveland Cavaliers are apologizing for an “insensitive” promotional video where a young man imitates Patrick Swayze about to catch Jennifer Grey on her leap in “Dirty Dancing.” But the man is a Cavs fan, the woman has a Bulls shirt on, and instead of catching her, he throws her to the ground…. At the end, she cuddles up next to him with a new Cavs shirt, an ice pack on her head. “Well, I’m all in now.”
And regarding that video. I’m not P.C, and okay, a Dirty Dancing spoof could have been funny. Maybe if a Cavs fan just dropped a Bulls fan. But then to show a woman writing on the floor in pain, and with the ice pack? Thinking the #cantfixstupid goes less to the morons who filmed it, than to the executive(s) who signed off on showing the thing…..
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So Tom Brady’s agent now says that the Wells report “contains significant and tragic flaws” and “is a significant and terrible disappointment.” Well, for Patriots fans he’s right about that second part. #didntwelearnanythingfromWatergate?
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And maybe Brady was telling the literal truth at least when he said “”I” didn’t alter the ball in any way,” #Willnooneridmeofthistroublesomeair?”
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In the grand scheme of things, how important is the Tom Brady – Deflategate Story? Not that big of a deal. But really, as talented as the Patriots’ QB is.. It’s almost as if Jennifer Lopez was caught using butt-enhancers.
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So while rumors swirl about a possible #TomBrady suspension, what about Bill Belichick? #RogerGoodell #Ignoranceisnoexcuse #Saints #Patriots
A 23 year-old Michigan woman was arrested for DUI and resisting arrest. This after she was caught driving down a road going the wrong way, naked, after leaving her husband and young child, also both naked, at a rest stop. She says she doesn’t remember the night. So this is one of those traditional marriages we need to defend?
Defense Secretary Ash Carter, when asked if the Pentagon really is “planning to overtake Texas”, flatly replied, “no.” How tempting must it have been to add “But if they want to secede….”
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Kevin Love is out, Chris Paul is out, John Wall is out….. are we sure the Golden State Warriors don’t have a batch of voodoo dolls hidden somewhere?
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Everett Golson has announced he will transfer from Notre Dame to another school next year. While he listed several SEC schools as possibilities, the QB would need a waiver to go to any of them, because one conference criteria for transfers is “The student-athlete has not been subject to official university or athletics department disciplinary action at any time during enrollment at any previous collegiate institution.”
And Golson was suspended from Notre Dame in 2013 for “poor academic judgment”
In the SEC they’re asking “what’s poor academic judgment?”
From T.C. “The Tampa Bay Bucs have added a clause in QB Jameis Winston’s contract the prohibits him from playing major league baseball. The Seahawks are considering rewriting Russell Wilson’s contract, who participated in spring training with The Texas Rangers. They don’t want Wilson to be throwing unnecessarily.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Belichick jokes, Cavaliers jokes, deflategate jokes, dirty dancing jokes, Janice Hough, new england jokes, Patriots jokes, Texas jokes, Tom Brady jokes
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May 5, 2015
A picture has gone viral of some idiot family -teenagers and dad -proudly posing in front of Tumalo Falls in Oregon, after they carved their initials into the railing. Where is a good mountain lion when you need one?
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A Florida couple was convicted and could face up to 15 years in prison for “lewd and lascivious behavior” because they were having sex on a beach during the middle of the day in front of families including children. Thinking this being Florida they might do less time if they had just shot a witness. #humpingtheirground
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New Dallas DE Greg Hardy has already been suspended for 10 games over domestic violence. Now after a Carolina Panthers fan tweeted a picture of Kelvin Benjamin and new draft pick Devin Funchess, describing the new teammates as “The Twin Towers.” Hardy tweeted back “didn’t the twin towers get blown up lol.” #cantfixstupid
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Marilyn Hartman, California’s “serial stowaway”, now has been arrested twice at O’Hare for sneaking into a restricted area without a ticket. Wonder if TSA at least confiscated her bottled water?
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Regarding this trendy new “#HowOldRobot new app. Does it automatically add years to your age if you can’t figure out how do to the app?
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The #Cubs said they will FINALLY open two bleacher sections next Monday. Meaning beer sales at #WrigleyField for 2015 are about to double.
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Floyd Mayweather says he is willing to fight Manny Pacquiao again. The bigger question might be who is willing to pay to see it. #foolmeonce…
Sign of the apocalypse? Donald Trump actually said something I agree with.on Fox News. That the shootings at the “Draw Muhammad” contest were “disgusting,” But “she (Pam Geller) is taunting them… it’s risky for her. I don’t know – maybe she likes risk. But what the hell is she doing, and what is the purpose of it?’ ‘They can’t do something else? They have to be in the middle of Texas, doing something on Muhammad and insulting everybody?’
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The SF Giants’ Madison Bumgarner has to be thrilled with last night’s performance. Not his no-hitter into the 7th, and 8 shutout innings despite 4 errors. But Madbum FINALLY broke his 0 for the season with his first hit! Now for that first home run. #DHmyass
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A Florida man was arrested after he tried to cash a check for $368 billion dollars. Hmm, had he only tried to cash one for $368 million would he have gotten away with it?
Okay, who had as of May 5 that the #SFGiants‘ leader in RBI’s and HR’s would be #BrandonCrawford? Now all you liars put your hands down.
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Carly Fiorina is now defending her record at HP, saying all her layoffs helped “transform a company from failing to succeeding.” Well, there might be some truth to that, but thinking the firing that most helped the company was her own.
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Carson, Fiorina, Huckabee…. who’s next this week? Thinking the fire marshall is soon going to be placing limits on the number on stage for the first GOP Presidential Primary debate?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Carly Fiorina jokes, Cubs jokes, Florida jokes, GOP jokes, Greg Hardy jokes, Janice Hough, Mayweather jokes, Trump jokes, TSA jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
May 4, 2015
Charlotte Elizabeth Diana. Are you taking note American celebrities? Really special babies don’t need “special” names.
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Of course, bet there are more than a few people who think the new baby Princess was named after a North Carolina airport.
Darn good thing Chelsea Clinton had her baby before Kate. Wouldn’t matter if both moms had picked the names out at conception. Many would have said the choice would just have confirmed Hillary’s delusions of being royalty.
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The Tampa Bay Buccaneers apparently wrote a clause into Jameis Winston’s rookie contract that prohibits him from playing professional baseball. Which means Jameis could still try out for the Phillies.
So an unnamed source told CBSSports.com that the NBA will probably effect a rule change that would “severely” punish teams for intentionally fouling – the “Hack a Shaq’ strategy. Right. Because why teach these prima donnas that they have to learn how to shoot a simple free throw? #callingRickBarry
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In a new book, Melissa Rivers said her mother Joan had 348 plastic surgeries. What, because 350 would have been excessive?
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“Duck Commander Musical,” based on the Duck Dynasty family, which opened in Las Vegas April 8, will close May 17. Shocking. Did anyone think before it opened about the Venn diagram of overlapping circles between fans of musicals and the anti-homosexual Robertson family?
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At least the only people who died were the wannabe terrorists, but regarding this Mohammed cartoon event in Texas. wonder what Pamela Geller would have thought about an event focused on crude cartoons of Jesus, or even say, Mapplethorpe’s crucifix in urine photo?
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The Santa Clara D.A’s office says that an investigation into the SF 49ers’ Bruce Miller allegedly pushing his girlfriend from his car proved “inconclusive,” but they have charged him with vandalism for allegedly throwing “her phone into a wall.” So Miller still has his place on the “all-arrest” team.
(or maybe this is the equivalent of arresting Al Capone for tax evasion?)
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Sorry, if you’re not smart enough to register your own domain name, you’re not smart enough to run the country.. Carlyfiorina.org
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From Alex Kaseberg for the TKO, “Following his defeat of Manny Pacquiao, Floyd Mayweather is a perfect 48-0 in fights. 55-0 in fights if you count the seven domestic violence arrests.”
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In the Texas House, Rep. Matt Schaefer put forward an amendment that would make it illegal to terminate a pregnancy after 20 weeks, even if a fetus “has a severe and irreversible abnormality.” Meaning even if it has died, a woman must carry the unborn body to term. And his rationale – suffering is “part of the human condition, since sin entered the world.”
Of course, to be fair, Schaefer himself is proof that humans can survive without a brain, or a heart.
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#SFGiants may have had box scores before in games of 2-8-4. (2 runs, 8 hits, 4 errors.) But guessing this might have been the 1st they won.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Charlotte jokes, Janice Hough, joan rivers jokes, mohammed cartoon jokes, NBA jokes, royal baby jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
May 4, 2015
Lots of discussion in England over who the new baby Princess looks like. Of course, it will be a long time before we find out the answer to a very important question – was she lucky enough to inherit Aunt Pippa’s bum?
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Open educational note to any idiot who was thinking of making an anti-Mideast/Muslim comment about American Pharoah and his owner Ahmed Sayat. Sayat is Jewish. No joke. You’re welcome.
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Apparently the Brewers’ Ron Roenicke has earned the dubious distinction of being the first MLB manager fired in 2015. On the first weekend in May. Even Cubs fans think that’s giving up a little early.
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Several commentators place the SF 49ers as amongst the teams with the worst 2015 drafts. And if you listen hard, you can hear the giggles all the way from Ann Arbor.
(my friend Karen points out there was an earthquake in Michigan yesterday. So maybe it was Harbaugh doing his happy dance?)
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Tiger Woods has posted on his website that he and Lindsey Vonn “have mutually decided to stop dating.” Well, at least he didn’t call it a “conscious uncoupling.”
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Listening to some experts say that breakup with Lindsey Vonn might help Tiger Woods focus on golf. Thinking Tiger did just fine when he was juggling a wife AND half a dozen waitresses.
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Sure are a lot of people upset today over wasting their money on the “Fight of the Century.” Maybe they’ll all be named honorary SF 49ers Personal Seat License holders.
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So now that the Mayweather-Pacquaio event is over, will fight fans just have to sign up with MLB to stream Kansas City Royals games?
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So many celebrities in Vegas that they ran out of room to park private jets. Wonder how many of the same celebrities had used those same jets to go to events for Earth Day.
A U.K study that included over 2 million people found that those with the highest dementia risk in old age were those who were UNDERWEIGHT. Well, that is at least some comfort to those who worry about an increasing epidemic of dementia in the U.S.
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Client reports a United nonstop from Washington-Dulles to SF today has a PLANNED fuel stop in Wichita. Pilot says it’s because the flight is full and they have to either stop for gas or bump 50 people. On a clear spring day. Right. Because flights in the U.S. these days are never full…. #andairlneswonderwhywedonttrustthem
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SF Giants opened up today’s game with back-to-back home runs. (Aoki and Panik) Last time they did that was 1964 – and the pitcher was Bob Gibson. Wonder how many Giants paid for that feat with knockdown pitches and/or balls in the ribs.
Who’d a thunk this a couple weeks ago? The #SFGiants and #RedSox now have identical 12-13 records.
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Not only going to miss watching the Spurs play for the rest of these playoffs year, going to miss Pop’s interviews: “People ask me about Tim [Duncan] and Manu [Ginobili] and myself for the last five years, what we’re going to do, It’s all psycho babble. I have no clue. We’ll probably come back. Paycheck is pretty good. You think I’m lying.” #honesty
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, American Pharoah jokes, Brewers jokes, fight jokes, Janice Hough, Lindsey Vonn jokes, Mayweather jokes, royal baby jokes, Royals jokes, Tiger Woods jokes, Triple Crown jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
May 3, 2015
Regarding this #MayPac fight on Pay-Per-View. I’m trying to figure out how much someone would have had to have paid me to view it. #notaboxingfan
So what comes next? Mayweather’s next fight or his next domestic violence arrest? #MayPac
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But hey, for anyone who really is a fight fan…. wouldn’t it have been cheaper to sign up to stream Kansas City Royals games?
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Now, if anyone wants to see a real fight, the Yankees have decided Alex Rodriguez’s 660th home run is not a “marketable milestone.” So they don’t have to pay him a $6 million bonus. Which A-Rod plans to challenge.
(On top of the animosity involved, how often do Americans get to see a fight where they hope both sides lose?)
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Congrats to American Pharoah for winning the best two minute event in sports. As opposed to say, Big Papi’s batter’s box ritual.
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American Pharoah could really win the hearts of the country – What’s more American these days than misspelling? “Pharaoh” is the correct spelling. But the name sent in and selected as the winner of a naming contest, and the owner didn’t notice. Until after American Pharoah was registered….
Although to be honest, have to wonder how many Americans even know what a Pharaoh is.
Maybe next year the Zayat Stable should name a horse “Autocorrect.”
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A baby three hours after going to the hospital and a girl at that. Is Kate efficient or what? #improvingthegenepool #Royalbaby
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Kate leaves the hospital 10 hours after giving birth. And no doubt some U.S. conservatives would say, yes, another poor mother who suffers because the Government is in charge of healthcare. #Royalbaby
So the #NYJets have yet another quarterback. Forget bobbleheads, will the one of the team’s giveaways be a toy clown car?
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And we wonder why former football players have health problems. From a Colts website story on Stanford’s Henry Anderson. “He’s a good pass rusher, and if he adds some weight (he’s 6-6, 295 pounds) he could develop the power that could make him a force up front “. Adds some weight….? Sigh
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Rick Santorum on Bruce Jenner. “If he says he’s a woman, he’s a woman.” It’s a start. now, would Santorum let Ms. Jenner use a bathroom with his wife?
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Two police dogs in Medford, are expected to be out of work because while they are great at sniffing out marijuana. pot will become legal in Oregon July 1. But maybe savvy buyers can contract them on a part time basis for quality control?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: American Pharaoh jokes, American Pharoah jokes, Floyd Mayweather jokes, Janice Hough, Kentucky Derby jokes, Merryweather-Pacquaio joke
Comments: 5 Comments
May 2, 2015
This year Kentucky Derby hype overlaps with NFL draft hype. Makes sense, both events feature extremely talented young males who will likely go on to have many out-of-wedlock offspring.
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Jameis Winston celebrated being chosen #1 in the draft by posting an Instragram photo of himself, with crab legs. Even Johnny Manziel is going “Dude, THINK”
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A man has filed a class action lawsuit against MillerCoors because he thinks they are pretending that “Blue Moon” is a ‘craft’ beer. Really? What’s next, a suit saying that Coors using “Rocky Mountain High” is false because the beer doesn’t contain marijuana?
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So a former aide to Chris Christie has pleaded guilty in “Bridgegate” although the N.J. denies knowledge of any wrongdoing. A Christie-Clinton debate could be fun, and maybe might include real issues. After, “okay, I’ll accept your denials if you accept mine. Next”
A new Stanford study found that thinking can help spread brain tumors. So maybe it’s not just our imagination that stupid people can seem to live forever.
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At this point wouldn’t it be more newsworthy if some actress who worked with Bill Cosby said he DIDN’T assault her?
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A new joint technology with Samsonite and Samsung will have GPS microchip technology in suitcases. So travelers will be able to find out to which different cities the airlines have sent their luggage.
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The #cantfixstupid competition for the week is heating up. In Montana, a man featured on a “Crime Stoppers” Facebook page was arrested after he “liked” his own online wanted poster…..
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So of course the riots in Baltimore bring out the crazies on both sides with social media posts. Like this one on FB:
“So I am watching the news in Baltimore and see large swarms of people throwing bricks, etc at police who are fleeing from their assaults … 15 in the hospital already. Solution. Simple. Shoot em. Period. End of discussion. I don’t care what causes the protestors to turn violent…what the “they did it because” reason is…no way is this acceptable. Flipping disgusting.”
So what kind of idiot guy posts this? Oh, it was a woman, Teana Walsh. And she is, or maybe was, an assistant prosecutor near Detroit. #cantfixstupid
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#MLB says average game time in 2015 has dropped by 8 min. Alas, progress may be derailed by weekend of Red Sox-Yankees games. #NYYvsBOS
Almost 26 years ago on the eve of the Kentucky Derby, I was at least a week more than 9 months pregnant. And am convinced that with a tie game into the eighth inning, Giants pitcher Mike LaCoss (sorry Buffy) put me into labor. (Dramatic, albeit not fun – three walks then a bases clearing double.)
Tonight, on the eve of the Derby, Kate is in labour. Not sure the Brits follow baseball. But after the Giants’ walk-off win in the ninth maybe she should name the kid after Joe Panik?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Baltimore jokes, Janice Hough, Kentucky Derby jokes, NFL draft jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 30, 2015
The Cleveland Browns are apparently discussing a trade to get Marcus Mariota. Who’d a thunk it? For the 2015 season, a team appears to have more confidence in Tim Tebow than one has in Johnny Manziel.
Apparently North Dakota Rep. Randy Boehning has admitted now that he is gay after a man who he sexted on Grindr outed him over his hypocritical voting record. All these closeted creeps must be longing for the good old days when the only way you’d probably get found out was propositioning an undercover officer.
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Really eerie watching all the players stand for the National Anthem at Camden Yards with no fans in the stands. Former NLers Adam LaRoche and Ubaldo Jimenez must have felt like they were about to start a game at Dodger Stadium.
The Houston Rockets fired their head of social media. For tweeting an image of a horse with a gun pointed at it, with the comment “it will all be over soon” as Houston was about to sweep the Dallas Mavericks. Tacky. Although inn the grand scheme of things, there have been worse tweets.
But from someone who was HIRED to be an expert in social media? #cantfixstupid
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The NFL has “voluntarily” given up their tax-exempt status. Meaning one of two things. Either the league figures Congress was close to actually doing something before an election year. Or their tax accountants have figured out another way to avoid paying.
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Jack Ely, 71. who sang “Louie Louie” with Ely and the Kingsmen in 1963, has died. It may not the greatest recording all time. But “Louie Louie” probably holds the record for the song which has had the most brain cells destroyed while listening to it. #Toga!
Eight home runs in 21 innings in 2015 for Ryan Vogelsong. I know Vogelsong is trying to secure his place for the #SFGiants after Matt Cain returns, but someone should tell him the Giants already have a BP pitcher.
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It’s only April, but Alabama CB Cyrus Jones has become the fourth player on the team arrested this spring. For two counts of misdemeanor domestic violence. Maybe Nick Saban shouldn’t be trying quite so hard to recruit players who are NFL ready?
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Republicans hope to damage Hillary Clinton with allegations that the Clinton Foundation took money from foreigners who hoped to benefit from her State Department decisions. While GOP 2016 Presidential candidates have hauled in hundreds of millions already from Super PACs. Well, makes a certain amount of sense, guess they feel politicians should be bought and paid for right here in the USA.
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Reports are that so far this year North Korea’s Kim Jong Un has ordered the execution of 15 senior officials who were accused of challenging his authority. And President Obama’s got to be thinking “You can do that?”
Florida Congressman Mario Diaz-Balart has attached a provision to a Dept. of Transportation appropriations bill to bar any new flights or cruise ships to Cuba, saying it’s because of the President’s “shameful eagerness to appease dictators.”
Guess I’ve missed Diaz-Balart’s efforts to break off relations with, amongst other countries, Saudi Arabia.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, Baltimore jokes, Boehning jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, louie louie jokes, Mariota jokes, NFL draft jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 