Posted tagged ‘Florida jokes’
February 18, 2015
GM Trent Baalke on Jim Harbaugh: “We’ve moved on…. I feel very good about the direction we’re headed and I’m sure he does as well.” Yeah, actually it wouldn’t surprise me if Harbaugh feels VERY good about the direction in which the 49ers are headed…..
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So in Boston, they are offering free Red Sox tickets to residents who help shovel show away from fire hydrants. If New York gets another storm they are thinking of a different strategy, anyone who doesn’t help with the snow will get free Knicks tickets.
The beagle that won “Best in Show” at the Westminster Dog Show, and thus became “America’s Dog”, is actually Canadian. Another immigrant taking something away from Americans. I blame Obama.
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A New Jersey high school teacher has been indicted by a grand jury for allegedly having for sex with 6 different students. 6 students?! So clearly we do have a serious problem in our schools with overcrowding.
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Browns coach Mike Pettine just said of Johnny Manziel’s issues, that “we had the same information everyone else in the league had. It turns out to be a deeper-rooted thing than we thought.” Is Cleveland planning on changing their mascot to an ostrich?
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Mississippi just passed the “Jesus Take the Wheel” act, which would exempt drivers of mid-sized church buses (up to 30 passengers) from having a commercial driver’s license. Well, this is one way to get more people praying on the road.
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Pamela Anderson has filed for divorce from Rick Salomon for the THIRD time. And this is the type of marriage some conservatives are working so hard to defend?
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United Airlines plans to slightly increase capacity this year. And apparently 50% of the growth will come from the installation of “slim line” seats on 450 planes. Will United be installing these additional seats on their aircraft with a shoehorn?
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Some are criticizing Joe Biden for putting his hands on Ash Carter’s wife’s shoulders. And really, it wasn’t very Presidential of him. Clearly Joe should have also given her a neck massage.
In Orlando, a woman was arrested when she walked naked down a residential street and stopped traffic by masturbating in public. Some Americans responded to this story with shock, others with “that’s Florida,” and Bostonians with “You can walk outside without a coat on?”
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Scott Walker says that criticizing him for dropping out of college during his senior year is “elitist.” I think I like Sarah Palin’s “higher calling” better.
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Little Caesar’s is offering a new deep dish pizza which is not just topped with pepperoni and back, its crust is wrapped in bacon. Does it come with free sides of statins and beta-blockers?
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From Marc Ragovin. “I would put more stock in A-Rod’s letter of apology to Yankees fans if he hadn’t written it in disappearing ink.
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From T.C. Handwriting experts have analyed A-Rod’s written apology and concluded that he writes like a girl and has a massive ego. So does this mean he had his ex-squeeze Madonna pen his apology for him?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Boston jokes, Florida jokes, Harbaugh jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, Mississippi jokes, New Jersey jokes, snow jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
January 3, 2015
Oregon football players will be “disciplined internally” for their “No means no” chant after the Ducks’ Rose Bowl win. Well, good to see football is sending a strong message to its stars. We’ll cut you some slack on alleged sexual assaults. But don’t even think about taunting alleged rapists.
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After the big New Year’s Day bowls including playoffs, Friday’s games were the Armed Forces, Taxslayer, Alamo and Cactus Bowls. About as attractive to most fans as following the Super Bowl with the Pro Bowl.
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Speaking of attractive, reports from North Korea that a Workers’ Party official has married Kim Jong-un’s little sister. And you think it kills you to be around YOUR in-laws?
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A Georgia woman remains in critical condition, after her police chief husband called 911 on New Year’s Day to say he’d “accidentally'” shot her twice. , But he had actually only shot her once. So the other time he “accidentally” missed?
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Going to be below freezing for two nights in a row in Northern California. Makes sense, a number of conservative Southerners thought it would be a cold day in hell when neither an SEC or ACC team was in the college football national championship.
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Under the old BCS system, FSU and Alabama would have almost certainly played for the National championship, while OSU and Oregon would have played for a #3 ranking in the Rose Bowl. So how long will it take the SEC to call for a “return to tradition.”?
UCLA against #11 Kansas State, continued a #Pac12 trend of showing the Eastern Sports Programming Network #ESPN what they’ve been missing all year.
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Washington looked so bad in #CactusBowl against Oklahoma State the Huskies have just been named honorary member of SEC West.
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Bummer, Donna Douglas, who played Elly May on the “Beverly Hillbillies” has died. Stewed squirrel on the menu in Heaven tonight!
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Harry Reid, 75, was exercising when an elastic band on a piece of equipment broke. The senator then fell and broke “a number of ribs and bones in his face.” And millions of Americans are now tearing up their New Year’s resolutions because they’re WAY too dangerous.
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-A man and woman were trapped in a closet for two days until police rescued them. And then they found out the closet wasn’t actually locked. You guessed it, Florida (If only they had been armed.)
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Apparently Carmelo Anthony, struggling with a knee injury, might shut it down for the remainder of the season. Only about 30 games later than the rest of the Knicks.
As we approach Wild Card Weekend…. Bill Littlejohn, on Ndamakong Suh winning his suspension appeal by saying that his feet were numb and that he didn’t know that he was stepping on Aaron Rodgers.So I guess we call the incident ‘Numb and Numb-er’
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God bless America. A U.S. District Judge ruled that Florida must start issuing same-sex marriage licenses next week. And clerks in at least five counties say they’ll end courthouse weddings for EVERYONE to avoid the order. Since it’s Florida, wonder how much it would help if gay couples wanting to marry showed up with guns?
And while the internet is back up (just, which is how this was posted), Who’d a thunk I’d ever write this in 2015? Comcast has been down for over nine hours in Palo Alto. Fortunately I’m not cut off because I have a Blackberry. #happydinosaur
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, bowl game jokes, college football playoff jokes, Florida jokes, Jameis Winston jokes, Janice Hough, Oregon jokes, wild card jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
December 20, 2014
North Korea wants to investigate the Sony cyberattack jointly with the U.S. and has threatened “serious consequences” if we refuse their offer. So will Obama’s counter demand to set the hackers loose on FOX News?
(and to be bipartisan about this joke, followed by MSNBC.)
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University of Florida QB Treon was arrested for allegedly driving a car without a license, and apparently he has never had a driver’s license. Makes sense, passing the test is probably a lot harder than getting into Florida.
Why there is no satire. Doug Amos, a local sports-talk radio host about the first ever Camellia Bowl tonight in Montgomery, Alabama between Bowling Green and South Alabama. “I thinks it’s going to be the biggest event Montgomery has ever seen. #yeshedid #facepalm
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Texas A&M has lost their top defensive football commitment. DT Daylon Mack, ranked as the #11 high school prospect by ESPN, says he has decommitted from the Aggies, and now may end up at LSU. Where no doubt if he doesn’t get enough playing time he will grumble about broken promises.
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University of Florida QB Treon was arrested for allegedly driving a car without a license, and apparently he has never had a driver’s license. Makes sense, passing the test is probably a lot harder than getting into Florida.
Roger Goodell told the Chargers, Rams and Raiders — each of whom thought they could file relocation applications for the 2015 season starting Jan. 1, that the earliest any team could move to Los Angeles would be 2016. And LA fans who watched the Raiders this year are thinking “Well, we dodged one bullet.”
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George Clooney has come out with a petition asking Sony to release “The Interview” and to stand up to extortion. Meaning two things: 1. George has the courage of his convictions. 2. He hasn’t written anything embarrassing in an email.
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NBA commissioner Adam Silver said in an interview that tanking is really a myth: “I absolutely don’t think any team is trying to lose.” So when did the commissioner get his prescription for medical marijuana?
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Khloe Kardashian has now apparently been linked to former Stanford and current NBA Robin Lopez. If true, we can title this one as a chapter of “Smart Men, Really Foolish Choices.”
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Michael Vick says he thinks Jameis Winston could be the NFL’s next big star. Well, the FSU QB has already gotten his first arrests out of the way..
from Marc Ragovin “The Federal Communications Commission has rejected a petition requesting that a Washington-area radio station be banned from using the word “Redskins” over the air because the name isn’t indecent. Guess the commissioners haven’t watched Washington game this year.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Florida jokes, football jokes, Fox jokes, Janice Hough, NCAA jokes, Obama jokes, Redskins jokes, Sony jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
December 13, 2014
Give this woman a medal: Thieves stealing packages off doorsteps is an increasing problem in the US. And a D.C. woman got fed up with things she had ordered for the holidays being swiped, so she filled a box with poop from her two dogs and left it on her porch. And yes, a surveillance camera shows a man taking it. Alas no camera shows him opening it.
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What a country. Our newest tourist attraction opening December 20? “Machine Gun America.” It will feature 50 different firearms and 10 fire lanes, Open to customers who are 13 and over. And yeah, you guessed it, Florida.
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Well, then, what’s the problem? Justice Antonin Scalia, when asked about the Citizens United decision: “the amount of money that is spent on all elections — state, local and federal — in the United States, is less than what women spend on cosmetics for a year, OK?” #sohowdowegetSupremeCourttermlimit
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Hawaii is trying to lure the Obama Presidential Library with the offer of a location on the beach. Some Republicans are appalled, saying it would be just like President Obama to build his library in a foreign location
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#Lakers upset #Spurs. I think I see a new marketing campaign ahead for #Charmin. #KobeBryant
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Bears offensive coordinator Aaron Kromer apologized for being the source behind a negative story about Jay Cutler, but denied telling the NFL Network that Chicago had “buyer’s remorse” about the QB’s $126 million contract. Gosh, Kromer sounds so credible you have to wonder if he’s angling to someday be NFL commissioner.
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Junior Kentucky forward Alex Poythress tore an ACL in practice yesterday and will miss the rest of the season. Sad and a bit shocking, Kentucky had an actual junior on its team?
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Some media experts are conceding 2015 World Series title to #Dodgers. Guess they figure LA will be defending their predicted 2014 title?
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Regarding those leaked emails between the Sony co-chairs, surely they are firing offenses. Not even for the racism. But for being stupid enough to say those sorts of things in written emails.
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Oklahoma State dismissed WR Tyreek Hill from the football team following his arrest for allegedly chocking and punching his pregnant girlfriend. Hill, a junior, ranked 2nd nationally with 996 combined kick return yards. and 11th with 150.9 all-purpose yards per game. So wonder how long before he is offered a second chance with FSU or an SEC team?
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I’m sure all the lower and middle-class voters who elected a GOP Congress this month will be heartened to see that one of the first ways they flexed their new muscles was a rider on a spending bill to lessen the regulatory burdens on our nation’s long suffering banks. #sarcasm
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bears jokes, Christmas jokes, Florida jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Sony jokes
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November 5, 2014
A very low turnout in this year’s midterm elections. Which must on some level make all the winners and incumbents very happy. Since all those people who didn’t vote have forfeited their bitching rights.
The polls are closed across the U.S. So finally the emails requesting money for the 2014 election will stop. The emails requesting money for 2016 start this morning.
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Not that I’m wishing harm on anyone, but it will be interesting to see what happens this winter the first time some natural disaster hits some state where a GOP leader has won election campaigning against the federal government.
What a country. Kim Kardashian Monday night posted “‘I’m standing w Obama in the midterm election 2morrow!’ Of course, since Kim probably didn’t take time to vote she probably didn’t even notice the President not being on the ballot.
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Not sure what Iowa’s Joni Ernst, who’s been downplaying her ties to Sarah Palin, might be like in the Senate. But her husband Gail at least looks like a gift for the comedy industry. This from his FB page last year: “What do you do if you see your ex running around in your front yard screaming and bloody? Stay calm. Reload. And try again.”
In Florida, Democrats had hoped a medical marijuana initiative would help Charlie Crist in Tuesday’s election. Alas wonder how many supporters of the amendment will show up to vote Wednesday.
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A statement that kind of sums up American priorities. This from Kristin Mavromatis with the Mecklenburg County Board of Elections in North Carolina: “There are lines all over the place Not quite as long as the line at the Cheesecake Factory but there are lines.”
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Wonder how many people who didn’t think they have time to vote had time to update their fantasy football teams. #ElectionDay
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Fox News’ Tucker Carlson. “We need, I think, an older white guy appreciation day, I think they have done a lot for this country.” With all due respect, in the U.S. EVERY day is “older white guy appreciation day.”
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A Virgin Australia flight bound for Sydney had to return to Los Angeles because of a plumbing problem that resulting in a nauseating smell on board. Ah for the good old days, when the most nauseating thing on a plane was the free food.
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President Obama just declared the lava flow from Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano to be a major disaster, which frees up federal money to help. Wonder how many people are thinking.”Yeah, just like Obama to send U.S. money overseas.”
Tony Romo says he is optimistic about Sunday’s game in London. Well, of course, who wouldn’t be optimistic with the prospect of playing the Jacksonville Jaguars?
Another why there is no satire: Dallas Cowboys hashtag for their London game is #CowboysUK Yes, they do.-
The LA Dodgers have hired Oakland A’s assistant GM Farhan Zaidi as their next GM. Right, okay, because the Athletics lasted so much longer than the Dodgers in recent playoffs.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, democrat jokes, election jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Obama jokes, Republican jokes, voting jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 1, 2014
Jake Peavy bought a duck boat when the Red Sox won the World Series, and reportedly is buying a cable car after the Giants’ win. Peavy did tell a reporter afterwards that while he loves SF, he and Jon Lester would love to be on the same team and “who wouldn’t want to play in Chicago?” Maybe Peavy decided he has enough vehicles.
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A cruise ship that was stuck when it ran aground Saturday in Norway managed to get free at high tide. Passengers were relieved. CNN was bitterly disappointed.
Royal Caribbean’s new cruise ship has a Bionic Bar, with two “bartenders” that are literally robots that mix drinks to order. Fun for passengers,maybe. But even more fun for the the cruise line, who can pocket the automatic 15% gratuities.
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When Pac 12 ,Big 12, ACC, and Big 10 teams beat up on each other intra-conference, it is viewed as a sign of the conferences being weak without dominant teams. When SEC teams beat up on each other, it’s just another example of their superiority and strength of schedule…..
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Texas A&M suspended QB Kenny Hill two games for “a violation of team rules and athletic department policies.” Wonder if that violation includes playing like crap for the past three games.
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#Michigan & #Florida both won today.. Hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse.
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So did someone design those gray UCLA uniforms or did the blue and gold original colors just run in the laundry? #UCLAVsAZ #ugly
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Florida, in fact, upset #11, Georgia. Bulldog fans are now furious #FireMuschamp movement didn’t succeed before today.
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Pittsburgh missed a 26 yard FG that would have beaten Duke at the end of regulation. The shocking thing to casual football fans. It would have been an upset.
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A new study indicates that chocolate may help people avoid memory loss as they age. Makes biological sense. Assume we’ve evolved not to forget eating really good chocolate.
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Cal vs Oregon State starting the 4th quarter Saturday about 1030p Pacific time. Forget the east coast, these games are too late for many WEST coast fans to stay awake.
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The Lakers are 0-4. Only good news for Los Angeles fans. Unlike the Dodgers the team seems pretty sure not to be a disappointment in the playoffs.
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From T.C. “According to baseball analysts, Madison Bumgarner won the World Series for the San Francisco Giants single-handedly. ‘Good to know,’ said Kobe Bryant.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: college football jokes, cruise jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, SEC jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
November 1, 2014
Lots of happy #SFGiants fans were taking pictures in the rain at #SFGiantsParade Over-under on folks needing new cellphones today?
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So many people think newspapers are irrelevant these days. But wonder how many are saving screen shots of the SF Giants World Series victory for their children and grandchildren.
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SF mayor Ed Lee, speaking at a post-parade ceremony “Panda, you own the postseason.” And the SFGiants are thinking, “Great, you just maybe cost us another $10-20 million?”
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Great post parade line from Buster Posey to #HunterPence “See those cameras back there? That means live TV.” #SFGiants
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The SF Giants used pictures from their last World Series Parade to advertise yesterday’s parade. If new manager Joe Maddon leads the Cubs to a title, they’ll need to find someone who’s an expert in reproducing cave paintings.
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Today, November 1. is “Day of the Dead.” This is a holiday in Mexico. Not the Michigan football homecoming.
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The Los Angeles Dodgers have 7 free agents. Hanley Ramirez,Chris Perez, Jamey Wright, Paul Maholm, Roberto Hernandez, Kevin Correia and Josh Beckett. “Gosh, I really really hope we can keep them” said no Dodgers fans
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Pablo Sandoval says he wants to remain a Giant, though the Red Sox are interested. So what will it take? Maybe $100 million over 5 years. And a copy of Boston’s weather report. (Freezing temperatures this weekend.)
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This would be funnier if it weren’t sad for the pilots. Still, euphemism of the year perhaps, Virgin Galactic’s SpaceShipTwo space tourism rocket crashing in Mojave desert. And Virgin Galactic reported it as an “in-flight anomaly.”
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Former Florida congressman Trey Radel, who pleaded guilty to cocaine possession in 2013, has had his criminal record expunged after completing “all conditions of his probation.” Expunged. Does this make him an honorary football player?
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If they gave away free candy at polling place would people make as much effort to vote as they do to trick or treat? #Halloween #Electionday
How scary was this on Halloween? A senator spoke honestly in public: Mary Landrieu, asked why Obama has such low approval ratings in Louisiana. “I’ll be very, very honest with you. The South has not always been the friendliest place for African-Americans. It’s been a difficult time for the president to present himself in a very positive light as a leader.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Florida jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, Michigan jokes, Panda jokes, parade jokes, SFGiants jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 28, 2014
American Airlines cancelled a Los Angeles to London flight Sunday and passengers were kept onboard for hours when someone on board picked up a wi-fi hot sport named “Al-Quida Free Terror Nettwork.” Police said today that “no crime was committed.” Shouldn’t someone be charged with felony stupidity?
So as we approach game six of the #WorldSeries, it makes so much sense that home field advantage was decided by a midsummer exhibition game where the only Royals and Giants involved were Salvador Perez and Hunter Pence, with one AB each, and Greg Holland who pitched one inning.
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Oops, country singer Aaron Lewis, who as Deadspin noted criticized Christina Aguilera’s version of the Star Spangled Banner (“I don’t understand how people that sing the national anthem can be so f— self-obsessed that they would try to change that f— song.”), forgot the words last night at A T& T Park, singing the second line as “What so proudly we hailed were so gallantly streaming.”
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And apologies to my Dodgers fan friends for this. But it was too funny to resist.
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“Bachelor” Juan Pablo and his girlfriend Nikki have broken up. “I’m shocked,” said none of the three people who cared.
A recent CNN poll found that 53% disapprove of President Obama’s performance. Which puts him well ahead of Congress, which has an 85% disapproval rating.
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Some think Chris Christie’s tough guy style might be just what America needs against the Russians etc. But as of today it’s Nurse 1, Governor 0.
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The Crimson Tide Foundation, Alabama boosters, paid off Nick Saban’s $3.1 million home last year and are paying property taxes each year. Of course if the NONPROFIT foundation bought dinner for some players the kids would be suspended.
University of Florida coach Will Muschamp complained today. “Well, you’ve got to get home and explain to your 9-year-old why they’re chanting to fire your dad.” So guess Muschamp’s 9-year-old doesn’t watch the games?
NY Jets GM John Idzik said in rambling press conference he is not concerned about his job security. That’s it. Forget the team’s record, that statement alone says that Idzik is too dumb to be GM.
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Meanwhile, add Colt McCoy to a long list of QBs who appear to be better than Geno Smith.
#Cowboys release #MichaelSam and promptly lose to #Washington? Maybe God isn’t that upset with gays in the locker room? #Rainbowkarma
Who says #Dodgers & #SFGiants fans can’t get along?. I think we all were thrilled tonight to see the #Cowboys lose.
So if we’re quarantining threats to the public, when can we start quarantining firearms owners who haven’t taken classes in gun safety?
So you think your parents messed you up. An unidentified person posted an Instagram photo this weekend of a small child wearing a Ray Rice costume and dragging a doll. The caption “Greatest costume ever.” The picture has been taken down.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Alabama jokes, Chris Christie jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, SEC jokes, The Bachelor jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 21, 2014
Really good of #JoeBuck to educate us repeatedly on how the #SFGiants are without #AngelPagan, a vital part of their team. #WorldSeries
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A few weeks after Matt Cain’s perfect game in 2012 I got upgraded on a plane and seated next to Karl Ravech. Told him that as impressive as Cain was, along with Cy Young winner Lincecum, I didn’t think either of them would end up being the best of the Giants’ current pitchers. Might not have been my worst hunch ever. #Madbum.
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Really a shame #WorldSeries game 1 is in an American League park. #Madbum is probably upset that he hasn’t had a chance to bat. #SFGiants
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And we thought Jeter was precocious? #MadisonBumgarner turned 25 on Aug 1. he is pitching in his third #WorldSeries. #SFGiants
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Is #BusterPosey trying to set a record for being thrown out at home in the postseason?
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The Kansas City Royals are a great story. But as to the die-hard long-suffering fan narrative? The team ranked 25th in attendance this year. 25th. #bandwagon #Worldseries
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Dallas has waived #MichaelSam from their practice squad. Well, at least I can go back to hating the #Cowboys again.
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Taylor Swift is now doing marketing promos for Subway. How long until she breaks off the partnership and writes a song about it for Quiznos?
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Anthony Weiner told Politico that his career in politics “is probably over.”‘ What was his first clue?
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Tim Tebow, on the woeful Florida Gators: “One of the biggest problems on the offense is leadership.” And fans are thinking “What leadership?”
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In Florida, there’s a lot of voting by mail. One contentious issue this year is “Amendment 2,” which would legalize medical marijuana. It’s expected to be close — advocates are just hoping many supporters send their ballots back BEFORE the election.
(as my friend Jim M.. says “Dude, where’s my vote?”)
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Oscar Pistorius was sentenced to five years for killing his girlfriend. Under South African law, after 10 months, 1/6 of his sentence, he can ask for house arrest. When all this is over wonder Oscar’s friends have warned him not to come to the U.S. and steal any of his memorabilia…
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Love it. Rwanda’s Ministry of Health will screen all visitors who have been in the United States or Spain 22 days before arrival. Travelers will have their temperatures taken and anyone with a fever will be denied entry; others will have to report their health daily. Maybe to be safe the rest of the world should start quarantining Texans?
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Legendary Washington Post editor Ben Bradlee, 93, has died. For the younger generation, yes, there was a time when people actually got their news from newspapers, and when we were shocked that politicians really were crooks,
Had Renee Zellwegger had her work done during the filming of Jerry Maguire, the movie might have ended, “Hello, I’m looking for my wife…. Uh, who the hell are you?”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Joe Buck jokes, Michael Sam jokes, Renee Zellwegger jokes, Royals jokes, SFGiants jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 18, 2014
The Seahawks are going to trade WR Percy Harvin to the NY Jets. Seattle will apparently receive a conditional draft pick in 2015. Harvin will receive the month of January off.
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Apparently the James Spence Authentication company, has authenticated more than 2,000 signatures from FSU QB Jameis Winston. Hey, maybe the guy’s majoring in penmanship?
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25 years ago October 17 was the Loma Prieta Earthquake. At section 21 at Candlestick Park I must confess, my first thought was “Bleeping A’s fans doing the wave.”
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So now a Carnival Cruise ship has been forbidden to dock in Belize because a passenger on board helped care for the Ebola patient in Dallas. Well, and if vomiting is a symptom of the disease no chance of any of that on a “Fun Ship…”
Who says the #NYJets can’t be first in anything this year? The NY Post reports “According to the Elias Sports Bureau, the Jets are the first team in NFL history to lose a game with 40 minutes of time of possession (40:54), 200 rushing yards (218) and no turnovers.”
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A Texan tourist was accidentally locked in a London bookstore for three hours when he walked in late and didn’t notice that the Waterstones store was closing. And all over Texas people are going “see, books are dangerous!”
A Michigan funeral home has started a new “drive-through” viewing service, so people don’t have to get out of their cars to pay their last respects. And if they text while they are driving through do potential customers get future discounts?
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No baseball for next four days. :(. Might have to just keep rewatching win from last night.
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Retired FSU coach Bobby Bowden just said that Jameis Winston “does things that kids in grammar school would do.” And plenty of parents are thinking “Hey, our grammar school kids behave better than that.”
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All this fear mongering over a major health hazard facing about to hit the USA just might be overblown. And besides, the McDonald’s McRib will only be rolled out regionally.
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Despite an expected legal challenge from the NFL, Gov. Chris Christie signed a bill that allows sports betting at casinos and racetracks in New Jersey. Guess the league thinks if fans want to throw away money they should go to Jets and Giants games.
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Apparently almost 60 percent of the almost 1 million early votes cast in this year’s midterm elections are in Florida. Well, duh, and how many of them were cast early enough in the day for voters to make it to those early bird specials?
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Heard on a train to San Francisco with 20 somethings discussing reading. “On paper? You mean like a book form?”.
From Bill Littlejohn: “According to a CNN.com report, you can now rent a virtual girlfriend in China for about $3. ‘Now they tell me,’ said Manti T’eo.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Carnival Cruise jokes, Ebola jokes, Florida jokes, Harvin jokes, Jameis Winston jokes, janice jokes, Jets jokes, McRib jokes, NYJets jokes, Texas jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 1, 2014
At least three more games for the SF Giants in 2014. And this picture from 1992. When we thought the SF Giants might start the 1993 season in Tampa.
The little boy, for the uninitiated, is Brandon Crawford.
Brandon Crawford’s sister is actually dating another MLB player. A member of the Pittsburgh Pirates. #Thanksgiving #awkward
Liked baseball as a left-handed little kid, fell in love with baseball in the 1968 World Series. Mickey Lolich, 3 complete games. Tonight Madison Bumgarner channeled Lolich. But skinnier. And a better hitter.. #leftiesrule #SFGiants
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ESPN reported that Brandon Crawford’s grand slam was the first ever by a shortstop in the postseason. And speaking of shortstops, will this be the cue for another Derek Jeter retrospective?
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Donald Trump is on another Ebola rampage with the first case in the U.S., tweeting “how dumb was our President to send thousands of poorly trained and ill-equipped soldiers over to West Africa to fight Ebola. Stop all flights.”And saying we must “immediately institute strong travel restrictions or Ebola will be all over the United States-a plague like no other.”
Alas, Ebola is far less dangerous for Americans than Donald Trump.
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Have to wonder, how many Americans who are freaking out over #Ebola are also anti-vaccine.
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So the man infected with Ebola told an emergency room nurse days before he became REALLY sick, that he’d been in Liberia. And it didn’t set off any alarms. Once again, proving all the precautions in the world #cantfixstupid.
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So if we really want to contain #Ebola can we just quarantine the state of #Texas? #twobirdsonestone
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In the Arizona Fall League. baseball will test eliminating actual pitches during intentional walks, with the idea of maybe trying it in the majors. And the #SFGIants Pablo Sandoval is thinking, hey, those are hittable pitches.
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Michael Phelps was clocked at 85 MPH when he was arrested. Here’s one way to fix some of these driving issues for athletes: Make the only car they are allowed to drive be a Prius. Those things can’t get up to 85 MPH.
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Tom Brady just said of his team “We don’t have the kind of offense that’s going to perform at a high level.” And Patriots fans are thinking “What was your first clue?”
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Wow. A jury found Michael Dunn guilty of first-degree murder today for the “loud music” 2012 shooting death of 17-year-old Jordan Davis. Not often I type these words, but “Nicely done, Florida.”
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From T.C. “North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has been hospitalized with two broken ankles, apparently from wearing heels and being overweight. When his ankle extension surgery is completed, he will be the same height as his buddy Dennis Rodman.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Brandon Crawford, Ebola jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, playoff jokes, SF Giants jokes, Texas jokes, wild card jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 30, 2014
A Florida mother has been arrested for letting her seven-year-old son walk to a local park alone, and having the boy carry a cellphone in case of any problems. Well, duh, it’s Florida, she should have sent the kid with a gun.
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Red Lobster is trying to turn around their ailing business by focusing on more attractive plate presentation with their entrees. Right. Would like to see the Venn diagram between those who like to take pictures of their food and Red Lobster customers.
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As we near the trade deadline a lot of mediocre players suddenly look very attractive to desperate teams. It’s the MLB equivalent of 15 minutes before closing time.
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This just in. #DavidPrice and #JonLester have still not been traded. And Generalissmo Francisco Franco is still dead.
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Shocking. “The Bachelorette” apparently had sex with two different contestants on the show. Does that make her an honorary guy?
(Although some of the former Bachelors are thinking “only two?”)
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The NFL has indicated they will not accept Josh Gordon’s “secondhand marijuana smoke” defense. Probably as well that drug testing didn’t take place during the 1970s. Or the league might have suspended any player who went to Grateful Dead concerts.’
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Adam Silver wants to change the lottery format to allow all 14 teams a relatively equal chance at the #1 pick.. The 76ers are upset, as they were 19-63 last season and were planning to tank again. The rest of the league wonders how the NBA will make this work to give one more #1 pick to the Cavaliers.
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The Chicago Cubs (44-61) beat the Colorado Rockies (43-63 last night in 16 innings. And if you watched the entire game and aren’t related to one of the players, you just might have too much time on your hands.
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#Cubs catcher #JohnBaker pitched 2 innings tonight, got the win, & scored winning run. Could #SFGiants trade for Baker? Need his arm & bat.
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An Indiana man has won a $1 million in the lottery twice in the past three months. So he was still playing? Guess a million doesn’t go as far as it used to. Even in Indiana.
The “People’s Choice” awards just announced they will add a special achievement award next year just for Orlando Bloom.
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Eric Chavez retired today. He couldn’t have done it last year and let Yusmeiro Petit throw a perfect game? #SFGiants?
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The Dan Uggla era with the #SFGiants is over as Uggla was released today. It takes some work to have your tenure with a team include less hits (and walks) than errors. (0-11 with 3 errors.) Even pitchers are impressed.
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President Obama to Congressional Republicans in a speech today. Stop being mad all the time. Stop just hating all the time. Come on.” And the GOP responded “Hey, lay off our mission statement.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachelorette jokes, Cubs jokes, Florida jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, trade deadline jokes, Uggla jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
July 26, 2014
The above picture is from Troy Tulowitzki jersey night at Coors Field.
(My friend Oscar B. says, “What are they smoking in Colorado…? Oops, never mind. )
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But Colorado IS a purple state. So maybe spelling really is one of those commie pinko liberal concepts.
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There’s a new reality show called “Dating Naked.” For all those who find “The Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” franchises too intellectual.
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A Colorado man was arrested for DUI. On a lawn mower. The cops said he was bar-hopping. He says he was just cutting some weeds. Maybe more like looking for some weed?
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As if women didn’t love George Clooney enough already. Quoted in People on his engagement to Amal Alamuddin:.”I’m marrying up.”
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Jay Paterno, explaining why his dad didn’t want to “wrongly accuse” Jerry Sandusky despite multiple allegations “When you know somebody for so long, it’s awfully hard to believe bad things about someone, when every sign in his life points the other way.” “Every” sign?! Guess denial is genetic.
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Carmelo Anthony told ESPN that his decision to return to the New York Knicks was about winning, and not about the five-year, $124 million contract. And then Melo left the interview to go back to work selling that bridge in Brooklyn.
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Headline at “The Onion” “Roger Goodell to NFL Players: Murdering your Wife Will Result in Automatic 4-Game Suspension. ” Of course, it has to be satire. Because if you’re a star the suspension would be reduced to three games max.
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So if the #SFGiants strategy is to lure the #Dodgers into a false sense of security before the trade deadline, the strategy is working.
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#NBA considering 7 day All-Star Break next season. Why not cut season from 82 to 60 games and make it a 1 month break? #toolong
Rough night for #SFGiants pitching but hard to win when your only chance to score might have been on penalty kicks. #kershaw
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Maybe it’s the curse of Will the Thrill. Uggla is wearing 22 #retire22 #SFGiants
Curt Clawson, a new GOP congressman, just assumed Nisha Biswal and Arun Kumar, two high level U.S. government officials, were from India. And told them what “their country” should do. Well, I suppose it could be worse. Clawson didn’t lecture them about Indian casinos.
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A SWAT team stormed a passenger plane at Toronto airport because of an alleged threat. Shockingly, this threat did not involve Rob Ford.
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Fox Sports says they will no longer be advertising with Entercom Communications Corp after Kevin Minhane, from their Boston station, blasted Erin Andrews with derogatory and sexist language after the All-Star game, and then blasted her again in his apology. So waiting for Stephen A. Smith to tell Erin Andrews not to provoke such insults?
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For the anti-Stephen A. Smith, I give you Keith Olbermann “Eventually after all the b-words and ho comments and penis remarks and nudity demands and waitress jokes, the most powerful national sports league in the world can then get away with suspending a wife-beater for just two games….. The message to the women who the league claims constitute 50% of its fan base is simple. The NFL wants your money. It will do nothing else for you.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Carmelo anthony jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Parterno jokes, Rockies jokes, stephen smith jokes, Tulowitzki jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 16, 2014
A TSA agent today at Orlando International Airport. asked for a reporter’s passport when the man showed him a District of Columbia driver’s license. Not realizing D.C. is actually part of the U.S. Wonder if the TSA agent told the guy his team should have beaten Brazil….
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Okay, both Bud Selig and players association executive director Tony Clark both just said they would like to reduce and ultimately eliminate smokeless tobacco usage in MLB. Great, so with that goal, wouldn’t it have made sense to use the big stage of the All-Star Game for that message as part of a tribute to Tony Gwynn? Or would that have taken time away from “Pride of the Yankees -2 -the Derek Jeter show?”
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If someone turned into last night’s All-Star game who had never seen baseball before and didn’t know the players, they might have been forgiven for thinking “That poor Jeter guy, he must be dying?”
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At Target Field presume someone is interviewing the last stadium worker asking how it felt to clean up after #Jeter‘s last #AllStarGame?
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From Bill Littlejohn. “I hear that Adam Wainwright’s new walk-up music just became ‘Groovin’ on a Sunday Afternoon'”
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Alabama and USC will kick off the 2016 college football season with a game at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas. It will be the first regular season meeting in almost 40 years between two of the NCAA’s highest paid teams.
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With the new College Football Playoff system, the “Power Five” conferences will each receive about $50 million and the other FBS leagues will split $75 million. Just for this first year. Well, this should help the NCAA pay legal bills as they fight against paying players because it would ruin the game.
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Oscar Pistorius, whose trial is in a recess until August, got into a bar fight last weekend, but his family issued a statement it was only because he’s in ’emotional pain,’ and feels lonely. “I feel so sorry for him” said nobody.
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Another of those “Darwin – missed it by that much” stories. A West Seattle man decided to kill a spider with a can of spray paint and a lighter (huh?) He managed to set his house on fire, causing about $60,000 in damages. Although he, and possibly the spider, survived.
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In South Carolina, the KKK is handing out bags of candy as part of a recruiting effort. The bags have a phone number and a message inside .””Save Our Land, Join the Klan.” Is it too late to let the South secede?
(Dan St. Paul suggests, “Presumably the bags have two holes cut out for your eyes?”)
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Dwight Howard tweeted last weekend “FreePalestine.” Then deleted the message 15 min later “Previous tweet was a mistake, I have never commented on international politics and never will.” Did Howard run out of characters to end the message “again?”
Best team award at the #ESPYS to the Seattle Seahawks? Really . Even #ESPN doesn’t respect the #Spurs. #notenoughdrama?
–Would love to be a fly on the wall when athletes’ wives ask “So honey, what did you think of that #Sidepieces song? #ESPYS #nogoodanswer.
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Dick Cheney says that “Barack Obama is the worst President of my lifetime.” Now, President Obama hasn’t been perfect. But he’s not even the worst President of the last decade.
Majority ruled?. Senate Republicans today blocked a bill to restore free birth control for women whose health insurance comes from employers with religious objections. The losing vote? 56-43 in favor of the bill. (Three GOP Senators voted yes.. Two were women.)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, Cheney jokes, Congress jokes, ESPY jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Jeter jokes, TSA jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 28, 2014
Apparently Wimbledon is enforcing the all white clothing rule so tightly this year and some women players have have to remove their colored undergarments and go braless. Is this too much tradition, or a shameless grab for television ratings?
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President Obama on the GOP. They “don’t do anything but block me and call me names.” And John Boehner said “Okay, who leaked our mission statement?”
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Tiger Woods has missed the cut for the Quicken Loan Tournament. Which means golf ratings this weekend will be almost as high as those of the World Cup in the US after Tuesday if Belgium wins.
Randy Moss has been hired as an associate football coach by his son’s high school. Not sure exactly what the former NFL star is supposed to teach the kids. But pretty sure it isn’t humility.
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ABC has fired Sherri Shepherd and Jenny McCarthy from “The View.” Many women are thinking “How terrible.” Many men are thinking “Who?”
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Really? There’s now a Kim Kardashian video game?! Assume the goal is to make a big a** of yourself? #KimKardashianHollywood
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ESPN had a spoiler alert – basically that the second ranked woman in the world was knocked out at Wimbledon. To be a real spoiler don’t people have to know who the #2 woman in the world is?
A marijuana food truck plans to open soon in Everett, a suburb of Seattle, Washington. Talk about a symbiotic operation.
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Fred Dicker, a NY Post columnist, referred to a white state senator as a “spear chucker” for the New York City Democratic delegation, which is mostly black. And then said it was not a racial slur. Right. Will Dicker then suggest “spear chuckers” for a new name for Washington’s football team?
Joaquin Arias is 1 for 18 as a pinch-hitter for the #SFGiants. That’s not a “pinch-hitter”, that’s a “pinch-outter.”
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Clients called saying they would be late to an appointment at our office. They were lost because their GPS had broken. If only there were an inexpensive, simple, portable way to get directions. #Imissmaps
One of the Miss America contestants this September was originally the runner-up, and only found out she won her state pageant 6 days later, when organizers realized a vote count error, and dethroned the original winner. You guessed it, Miss Florida.
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Wonder if the new Miss Florida was crowned by the Supreme Court?
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A federal judge upheld Colorado’s new gun laws that mandate background checks for all gun sales and limited the capacity of ammunition magazines. From the ruling; “Of the many law enforcement officials called to testify, none were able to identify a single instance in which they were involved where a single civilian fired more than 15 shots in self defense.” Common sense, what a concept.
And finally a no snark item for a change.
Apparently actress Amy Adams, who had a 1st class seat on American Airlines, saw a uniformed soldier at the gate and quietly got the flight attendant to switch their seats so Ms. Adams ended up in coach. Wow. A celebrity making news that doesn’t involve an arrest, a wardrobe malfunction or a sex tape. Very well played, Amy,
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: "The View" jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Tiger Woods jokes, Wimbledon jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
May 14, 2014
90 people were arrested today, 50 in Florida, for Medicare fraud schemes estimated to total $260 million. But to be fair, the Florida folks say they were just training to run for Governor.
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The NBA on last night’s OKC-LA officiating hiccup: “There has to be ‘clear and conclusive’ evidence. Since no replay provided such evidence, the play correctly stood as called with the Thunder retaining possession.” Translation, “you really think we’re going to admit to changing the outcome of a playoff game?”
The NCAA penalized Oklahoma State because the football program’s Academic Progress Rate score has dropped below the minimum standard. So the Cowboys will lose the equivalent of one day’s practice a week. But OSU avoided worse sanctions, like making the players actually go to class.
Joran van der Sloot, the main suspect in Natalee Hollowa’s disappearance, is serving a 28-year sentence in Peru for killing a local woman. And now he’s getting MARRIED. To a woman he met while in prison, who is pregnant with his child. Can we title this “Not so smart woman, exceptionally foolish choices.”?
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Really? NY Daily News headline today “Nicole Kidman sparks plastic surgery rumors at Cannes?” So what’s their next headline? “This internet thing could be really big!”?
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MLB changed the call on David Ortiz’s 7th inning hit that fell between two fielders in right field during Yu Darvish’s near no-hitter from an error to a single. Just wondering, if it wasn’t a star like Big Papi, would MLB even have considered it?
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A girl escaped with scrapes and two little boys are in stable condition after wind gusts swept their inflatable bounce house into the air with them inside. Fortunately they fell out relatively quickly although the inflatable house eventually rose 50 feet and drifted several hundred yards before landing. Some will see this story and think “lawsuit”, others will think “how do I make a bounce house do that?”
Dallas sports anchor Dale Hansen is back. Not doing much for the Stone Age reputation of older white Southern men: “When Sam was seen celebrating with his family — and boyfriend — the world apparently shook, we almost collided with the sun, and yet SOMEHOW, we have survived another day.”–
The Missouri legislature just passed legislation requiring women to wait 72 hours to have an abortion. If they really wanted to stop abortion maybe all these mostly male legislators could pass a law making men wait 72 hours to have sex.
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Donald Sterling now says if he can keep the Clippers he won’t have to worry about an NBA players boycott. He really thinks the team will keep playing? Heck, looks like they quit already with a minute left in game five.
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Ben Sasse, who just won the GOP Primary to run for U.S. Senator from Nebraska, says on his website “Government cannot force citizens to violate their religious beliefs under any circumstances. He will fight for the right of all Americans to act in accordance with their conscience.” Let me guess, in all his time at Harvard and Yale, one class Sasse never took was “Comparative Religions?”
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Leland Yee is still on the ballot as running for California Secretary of State. And no doubt more than a few Californians will say “Hey, I know that name from somewhere,” and vote for him.
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The Pac-12 is set to announce that it will move their league championship football game to the 49ers’ new Santa Clara facility. Well, this will guarantee fans at Levi’s stadium the ability to see top college-level talent this year, other than the Redskins in November.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Florida jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Houghs, NBA jokes, NCAA jokes, Sterling jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
May 10, 2014
Sign of progress, it seemed absolutely irrelevant today that Michael Sam’s boyfriend is white. #Thetimestheyareachanging #MichaelSa
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A thought about Michael Sam being drafted. Yeah, maybe some in the media are making too much of it. But changes don’t get to be small deals without the first ones being big deals.
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CNN commentator Margaret Hoover, on the Rams’ drafting Michael Sam, that she hopes the message will be for high school kids that “they don’t have to be afraid of choosing to be gay or choosing their dream in sportsmanship and professional sports.” Just like Jackie Robinson helped kids not be afraid of choosing to be black.
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A.J. McCarron, who is now engaged to Katherine Webb, has been chosen in the NFL draft by Cincinnati. And Brent Musberger has already inquired about broadcasting Bengals games.
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Today is Mother’s Day. Or as they say in the NBA “So many women, so little time.”
–It may be “No Country for Old Men” but it sure is a Western Conference Semifinals for old men. #Spurs
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#SFGiants Pablo Sandoval has as much a chance of getting a hit w/ 2 strikes now as Donald Sterling does of getting another NAACP award.
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For the second time in 3 days, planes have hit birds at LaGuardia Airport. No injuries were reported. “Speak for yourselves,” say relatives of the birds.
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Elin Nordegren, speaking at her Rollins College graduation, mentioned that her divorce “was right after I had taken communication and the media… I probably should have taken more notes in that class.” Tiger is just glad Elin wasn’t taking lessons in how to swing a golf club.
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A South Carolina high school teacher has been accused of having sex with three different students in one day. Clearly these budget cutbacks have our educators stretched too thin.
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Headline “IndyCar Grand Prix of Indianapolis Marred by Huge Crash.” And a lot of casual racing fans are thinking “Marred?”
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The NBA apparently believes it can also remove Donald Sterling’s estranged wife Shelly from ownership of the Los Angeles Clippers. If private phone conversations are a problem, how much more slippery a slope is being married to an a**hole?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Michael Sam jokes, NBA jokes, NFL draft jokes, SF Giants jokes, Spurs jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 30, 2014
“He can’t go down with three barrels on them, not with three he can’t?”
No, but Sharks can go down with three games on them….
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Who knew Shark Tank was redundant?
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Announcers saying the San Jose Sharks’ season ended bitterly.” “Bitterly?” “Bitterly” is a one game nightmare. This was a four-game choke job for the ages.
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FSU QB and reigning Heisman winner Jameis Winston was reportedly cited for shoplifting crab legs in Tallahassee and may be suspended from the baseball team. Maybe the NCAA should have been a little more clear on that ruling allowing unlimited meals for athletes?
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Jameis Winston on “crab-gate”. In a moment of youthful ignorance, I walked out of the store without paying for one of my items. “Youthful ignorance? As in he didn’t ask one of his posse to get the crab legs for him?
Or as in he should have stuck to something small like filet mignon.
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V. Stiviano said through her attorney that she is “very saddened” at Sterling’s NBA ban and that she “never wanted any harm to Donald.” Translation, someone is really going to miss those courtside seats.
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Donald Trump is buying Turnberry golf course. What, is the Donald looking for a British gopher to replace that furry thing that lives on his head?
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We are one Atlanta win away from a second round NBA playoff series between the Hawks and the Washington Wizards. Which had to seem about as likely as the NAACP giving Donald Sterling a lifetime achievement award.
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Frontier Airlines is going to start charging for carry-on bags that don’t fit under the seat. So all those boarding slowdowns caused by people trying to cram bags in the overhead bins? They’ll be switching to slowdowns caused by people trying to cram bags under the seat.
Never understood why people don’t like the San Antonio Spurs. They play good, team-oriented no-drama basketball. Does the team remind some too much of the WNBA?
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Former ‘Mad’ magazine editor Al Feldstein, 88, has died. Have to assume his last words were “What, me worry?
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GOP senators just blocked raising the U.S. minimum wage to $10.10 an hour. Just for comparison, based on a 40 work week, U.S. Senators make $87.00 an hour. (plus expenses.) #letthemeatcake
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Mike D’Antoni “resigned” from the Los Angeles Lakers. Which makes him luckier than the team’s season ticket holders.
From my friend Bill Whalen “How do you repel a shark attack? Put it on a power play.”
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My friend Bob Thompson pointed out the the Dodgers played tonight at Target Field against the Twins, and it’s 42 degrees, feels like 36. Almost as cold as a night game at Candlestick.
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In a recent poll about the Florida Governor’s race, Charlie Crist has a 10 point lead over Rick Scott, and Crist’s lead is almost 20 points with women voters. This could mean a serious potential drought in Florida punchlines.
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John Boehner is now apologizing for his comments about some of his fellow Republicans regarding immigration reform – “here’s the attitude: ‘Ohhhh, don’t make me do this. Ohhhh, this is too hard.'” Apparently having a spine is not allowed in today’s GOP?
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Floyd Mayweather Jr. now says he wants to buy the Los Angeles Clippers. So get rid of a racist and replace him with a confessed wife-beater? #Notexactly
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For all those who want the media to pay attention to anything but MH370 and Donald Sterling, help is on the way. A new video has surfaced allegedly filmed last weekend allegedly showing Toronto Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack again.
. . .
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, crab leg jokes, Florida jokes, FSU jokes, Jameis Winston jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, NHL jokes, San Jose Sharks jokes, Sharks jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 14, 2014
But some things come close.
It’s only five days until Easter. Time to start trying to remember where you put the Marshmallow Peeps in storage?
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I don’t watch “Game of Thrones.” But it appears to be a show where you might want to turn down wedding invitations.
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After winning the Masters Bubba Watson headed to Waffle House. Unlike Tiger Woods, however, Watson actually went for the food.
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It was an exciting Masters golf tournament this year, except that neither Tiger nor Phil were there on the weekend. And ESPN executives said to their pals at CBS – “Now you know how we feel when the game of the week isn’t between the Red Sox and Yankees!”
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In Louisiana, Gov. Bobby Jindal has joined the state GOP chair in calling on Vance McAllister, who was seen on video kissing his staffer, to resign from Congress. Guessing we’re going to wait a long time for a statement on the subject from Senator David Vitter.
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Michael Phelps announced he is coming out of retirement, which means he could swim at the 2016 Rio Olympics. “Attaboy” said Brett Favre.
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If #MH370 wasn’t still missing wonder how many days CNN would devote to the #USAirways twitter fiasco?
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Someone in US Airways’ social media customer service department accidentally tweeted out a lewd picture in response to a customer comment. Well, it will make for an interesting story when he or she gets asked “So why did you leave your last profession?”
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Delta refers to their extra legroom seats as “Economy comfort.” Fair enough. But they should call the rest of the plane by its true name – “Economy discomfort.”
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Newt Gingrich says Kathleen Sibelius was “right to resign” over the Obamacare website “disgrace.” Well, if anyone knows about resigning in disgrace….
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The Wisconsin GOP’s Resolutions Committee just affirmed the party’s support for “legislation that upholds Wisconsin’s right, under extreme circumstances, to secede.” Well, if the state can make this happen, can they take Arizona, Florida and Texas with them?
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Tony La Russa says he is surprised there haven’t been more “hiccups” with the new MLB instant replay. So how many blown calls did he expect in the first two weeks?
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Investigators hired by Chris Christie reported the N.J. Governor had tears in his eyes during a meeting after he first learned of the news report linking his aides to the the George Washington Bridge closure. Crying over their involvement, or crying over getting caught?
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A 14-year-old Dutch girl was arrested after sending American Airlines a tweet saying “hello my name’s Ibrahim and I’m from Afghanistan. I’m part of Al Qaida and on June 1st I’m gonna do something really big bye.” What was she thinking? Gal is WAY too young to be dating Aldon Smith.
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Really? John Calipari now says he would coach at Kentucky longer if the “one-and-done” rule was altered to keep kids in school at least two years. Maybe he thinks if players stay twice as long he’d have half the chance of getting caught for recruiting violations?
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Gary M on the woman who was dragged from her garage by bears who were looking for food.
“If only she’d been wearing her heels…”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bubba Watson jokes, Easter jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Masters jokes, US Airways jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
April 13, 2014
Got to figure someone in the SF 49ers’ organization wished yesterday for some news to take the focus off of QB Colin Kaepernick’s involvement in a police investigation in Miami.
SF 49ers LB Aldon Smith was arrested at LAX today, apparently because he got angry with a TSA agent and indicated he was in possession of a bomb. As my friend Alex Kaseberg says, “You just can’t put a positive spin on stupid.”
Local television status on the 49ers’ Aldon Smith’s latest arrest “a troubling pattern of behavior.” Uh, I think Smith passed “troubling pattern” at least an arrest ago.
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Well, Boston manager John Farrell has become the answer to a future trivia question – the first MLB ejection that resulted from arguing about a replay ruling. Are we shocked that it was about a call that went in favor of the Yankees?
OSU’s quarterback Braxton Miller insulted Michigan’s SPRING GAME attendance on Twitter. This after the Buckeyes’ attendance was 61,000 compared to the Wolverines’ 15,000 for essentially an intrasquad scrimmage. Penn State, meanwhile drew 72,000. Proving mostly perhaps not only is there less to do on the weekend in Columbus than Ann Arbor, there is really nothing going on in Happy Valley, PA.
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Heisman winner Jameis Winston is playing baseball at FSU, serves as the team’s closer, and has a 1.76 ERA. And across the ACC and SEC, other football teams are thinking “Hey, you could have a great career in MLB, why risk it on the gridiron?”
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Bad news for Knicks fans. The team has been eliminated from playoff contention. Good news for Knicks fans. The team has been eliminated from playoff contention.
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A judge has ruled Chris Christie and other defendants will get more time to file their responses to two lawsuits related to the September lane closures at the George Washington Bridge. The NY Governor is hoping that extension lasts until December 2016.
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Donald Trump said in a speech to a Conservative group that politicians are “all bullsh*t, all talk.” Was the Donald trying to convince them that he’s a real politician?
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Florida’s Miami-Dade County has a new policy to close ALL restrooms at polling places on election day. Supposedly “in order to ensure that individuals with disabilities are not treated unfairly and “to avoid situations where accessible restrooms would be available to some, but not all voters.” Maybe it’s time for the Democrats to show up with Porta-Potties with Governor Rick Scott’s picture on them.
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Today’s CNN breaking news report is that the MH370 pingers, thought to be dying, are “Most Likely Dead.” Stand by for a Generalissimo Francisco Franco reference on next week’s SNL.
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Mike Huckabee, complaining about TSA. “My gosh, I’m beginning to think that there’s more freedom in North Korea sometimes than there is in the United States. When I go to the airport, I have to get into the surrender position, people put hands all over me, and I have to provide photo ID in a couple of different forms to prove that I’m not going to terrorize the airplane.” Even Dennis Rodman is thinking “Dude is crazy.”
(and as Jim Barach adds. Yeah, Huckabee thinks you should only be treated that way when you go to vote.)
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A Florida woman is recovering after she was reportedly dragged from her garage by bears who were looking for food. Insert “armed bears” and “standing her ground” jokes here:
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Aldon Smith jokes, CNN jokes, Florida jokes, Huckabee jokes, Janice Hough, TSA jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 