Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category
April 20, 2016
Former slave #HarrietTubman replaces slave owner #AndrewJackson on the $20. Mean bitch karma for the much delayed win!
So at this point in #NBAPlayoffs is the question less if there will be an upset than if one first round matchup will actually go 6 games?
–
Although it’s April 20. So guess what folks? We’re exactly only 60 days from a possible game 7 in the #NBAFinals #NBAPlayoffs
–
ESPN just fired #CurtSchilling. Too soon to start a pool as to when he might be hired by #FoxNews?
Marc Ragovin suggested last night that after Schilling included an offensive cartoon in a Twitter post defending North Carolina’s anti-LGBT law. “Hey Curt, put a bloody sock in it.”
–
Border agents just discovered a 2,600 ft tunnel from Tijuana to San Diego, with ventilation, a rail system and an elevator. Uh, Trump, about that wall…..
–
Nike has ended its contract with Johnny Manziel. Alas, the QB couldn’t seem to figure out the slogan wasn’t “Just OverDo It.”
–
Ted Cruz wrote a whining fundraising email about the sacrifices he is making to run for President – no sleep, no personal time, no family time…. And somewhere God is thinking. “Take a hint Ted, and go home.”
–
Bernie Sanders was complaining tonight that “about 3 million” New Yorkers “were unable to vote today because they had registered as Independents, not Democrats or Republicans.” Uh yes, that’s why they call them party primaries.
Maybe six months ago the campaign should have thought of getting people to register as Democrats if Sanders wanted to run as a Democrat….
–
While some Democrats are battling over admittedly at times complicated primary rules, have to think some in the GOP are just laughing as they tighten voting rules for the general election. #theREALthreattodemocracy
–
Is it wrong that I’ve never watched #LiveWithKellyandMichael, have no idea who’s in the right, and don’t really give a damn? .
–
Is this really the best marketing line? A Sephora email says “Glow like you just came back from Rio.” Uh, with the Zika and the toxins in the water etc., have to think, could you come back radioactive too?
–
Chicago Blackhawks forward Andrew Shaw, who at first claimed he didn’t “know what’s said” has now apologized for a gay slur directed at a referee Tuesday night “When I got home and saw the video, it was evident that what I did was wrong, no matter the circumstances.”
So he needed to see the video to know what he said? Does Shaw aspire to a career in politics?
–
Uh oh, Ben Carson’s been on the Daily Show and now he thinks he’s relevant again…..”I think Andrew Jackson was a tremendous secretary. I mean a tremendous president…. I love Harriet Tubman,” said Carson. “I love what she did. But we can find another way to honor her. Maybe a $2 bill.”
At least he didn’t say $3 bill.
Just wondering, since inflation has hit everything else in the SF Bay Area, why does Facebook still cap you at 5,000 friends?
(and no, I don’t have 5,000 FB friends. But people who I know do, and they can’t add me. #reflectedglory)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: $20 bill jokes, Andrew Jackson jokes, Cruz jokes, Curt Schilling jokes, Janice Hough, NBA playoffs jokes, Nike jokes, sanders jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 19, 2016
#Spurs tonight honored a couple celebrating 75th wedding anniversary at game. Fitting as their honeymoon was during Duncan’s rookie year.
Johnny Manziel, dropped by his agent, said in a statement he’s hoping to “take care of issues” and “play in 2016,”
Alas for Manziel, “play” hasn’t been the problem, “work” has.
–
Pat Boone is saying that SNL is in league with Satan after a skit where a baker refused to bake wedding cake for a gay couple, titled “God is a boob man.” Of course, these days that seems increasingly true, He/She has certainly created a lot of boobs. Including Pat Boone.
–
Whole Foods is opening two “affordable” 365 stores in the SF Bay Area. So will they be nicknamed “Half paycheck?”
–
The British Government has indicated they will not be going for the public’s choice for their new research vessel – “Boaty McBoatface” Ah, come on, they don’t want to have the popular research boat in the world. #BoatyMcBoatface would probably end up with its own social media accounts and fan clubs….. #nofun
–
If the Brits don’t want “Boaty McBoatface” can the U.S. borrow it?. Surely there is a Navy boat worthy of the name?
–
One bit of bipartisan good news ahead. After tonight we won’t have to hear 24-7 about the New York primary.
–
Donald Trump has now confused 9-11 with 7-Eleven. And the convenience store says “Don’t blame us, not even our Slurpees give you that much of a brain freeze.”
–
NY Rep. Peter King before the primary “I hate Ted Cruz, and I think I’ll take cyanide if he ever got the nomination.” And no doubt at least some New Yorkers were thinking “promise?”
What’s more surprising, the size of #Trump‘s margin, or fact that 15% of New Yorkers actually voted for a Texan who trashed NY values? #NYPrimary
–
#Trump says #Cruz just about “mathematically eliminated.” Which would mean something if #GOP paid attention to liberal concepts like math
–
The Houston Chronicle reports at that “at least 22” local GOP conventions passed “secession items”, which could be brought up at the state conference in May. Now, there are hundreds of local conventions. But it could be fun. And would secession make Ted Cruz ineligible to run for President? #wecandream
–
Utah’s governor is about to sign a bill saying that pornography is “a public health hazard leading to a broad spectrum of individual and public health impacts and societal harms.”
So when men feel the urge to look at porn they should just go look for another wife?
–
Ted Cruz today “America has always been best when she is lying down with her back on the mat.” Uh, WTF? Is Ted trying to be banned from from Utah under their new porn law?
–
Tennessee majority leader Gerald McCormick is upset with businesses spoke out about the proposed LGBT bathroom law. “these companies who tried to blackmail us for this thing, when they come for their corporate welfare checks next year, we need to have a list out and keep an eye on them.”
But for the others, those corporate welfare checks will just keep on coming. Glad McCormick cleared that up.
–
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: boaty mcboatface jokes, Cruz jokes, Janice Hough, ny primary jokes, Pat Boone jokes, Trump jokes, utah jokes, Whole Foods jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 19, 2016
San Jose Sharks seem bent on proving there is such a thing as home ice disadvantage.
–
Meanwhile the Warriors faced the Rockets without Steph Curry. With a few more starters out it actually might have been a tight game.
Although as the Thunder faced the depleted Mavericks, once again OKC reminded NBA fans, seldom has a team done so little with so much.
–
#SFGiants had #KevinHogan throw out the first pitch on #Stanford night. They clearly should have signed him for the bullpen.
3 thoughts after #SFGiants loss tonight: 1. Casilla may be done as a closer. 2. Heston should not be a reliever. 3. Where is Timmy?
–
Alas Hunter Strickland tonight reminded #SFGiants fans why he is the closer of the “future.” #didntthinkIwouldmissRomo
–
Meanwhile, the Arizona #Diamondbacks road uniforms remind many of us of that day we put a black shirt or jeans in the wash on hot with our whites.
–
A diagnosis on Pablo Sandoval’s injury has apparently been delayed by swelling in his shoulder. Thinking actually the Panda’s shoulder has not been where the problem swelling has occurred.
–
#Ethiopians won both the men’s & women’s #BostonMarathon today. Now #Kenyans know how we #Americans usually feel.
–
Ebay actually pulled an auction for a Ziplock bag of AIR from inside Staples Center for Kobe Bryant’s last game. The bidding had reached over $15,000. Not sure what the bigger #cantfixstupid is, the bidder, or Ebay in giving up those 10% seller fees.
–
Ted Cruz apparently reiterated his position last week that he wants to return America back to the gold standard. So it’s not just women he wants to return to the 19th century.
–
Michigan Governor Rick Snyder says he will drink water from Flint for “at least a month” to show support for the city, and to show that the water is safe to use with a filter. Your move, mean bitch Karma.
Just thinking, if other GOP candidates want to show solidarity on the subject of excessive government regulation, maybe they could call Mich. Gov. Rick Snyder and ask him to ship them some of that Flint drinking water. #isitsafe?
–
A video has gone viral of a woman in Toronto who scaled the fence to a tiger enclosure in order to retrieve her hat. She and the hat escaped unharmed. Another Darwin #misseditbythatmuch
20 inches of rain or more and massive flooding in Houston. Awful, but now waiting for some of these politicians who want to secede from the U.S. to ask for federal disaster relief.
–
On the subject of state’s rights etc, just found this quote from “West Wing” President Jed Bartlet. And what a shame he isn’t running in 2016:
“You think states should do the governing wall-to-wall. That’s a perfectly valid opinion. But your state of Florida got $12.6 billion in federal money last year – from Nebraskans, and Virginians, and New Yorkers, and Alaskans, with their Eskimo poetry. 12.6 out of a state budget of $50 billion. I’m supposed to be using this time for a question, so here it is: Can we have it back, please?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: flint jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Sharks jokes, snyder jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
April 17, 2016
Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Wolf signed a bill legalizing medical marijuana. Does being sick of watching the Phillies lose count?
–
Charlotte’s loss today to Miami extended their postseason losing streak to 11 games, third longest in NBA history. Almost a shame the Hornets couldn’t have a first round matchup with the Raptors. #somethingsgottogive
Vince Carter had a good game for #Grizzlies. For 2016-7 maybe he’s old enough to sign a free agent contract with the #Spurs?
–
Two Syracuse football players are recovering with non life-threatening injuries after they were allegedly stabbed by a former teammate. #ifonlyhehadbeenarmed
–
Pablo Sandoval is flying to Alabama for a 2nd opinion on his injured shoulder from Dr. James Andrews. Either that or the trip is for the pulled pork and pecan pie.
–
#LukeWalton has apparently turned down head coaching job with #Knicks. Guess he’s holding out for an offer from an #NBA professional team
–
McDonald’s is opening a new restaurant in Missouri that will feature “all-you-can-eat” French Fries. So Missouri can now be the “Show Me How Fat We Can Get” state?
–
The Treasury has announced Andrew Jackson will be replaced on the $20 bill by an unnamed woman. But Alexander Hamilton is staying on the $10. It’s about time for a woman on our currency. But poor Jackson, had they only written an “Old Hickory” hit Broadway musical….
–
While some voters on both sides scream about free trade, a new Associated Press-GfK poll.poll shows that while Americans say they would like to buy things made in the US, 67% of them would buy the exact same thing made overseas if it were less expensive….
–
A Nashville mom and her friend are facing charges after they left her 13-month-old daughter in a hot car while auditioning at a strip club. Apparently the friend was supposed to be watching the girl but went inside to watch the audition. The child is okay, and yes, it could have been a horrible story. But wonder how many people who are condemning the mom are both pro-life and against subsidized child care?
–
Donald Trump on a possible contested GOP convention: “I hope it doesn’t involve violence. I hope it doesn’t. I’m not suggesting that.”
Why doesn’t Trump just say “It’s a nice little convention you’ve got planned. It would be a shame if something happened to it.
–
Some angry voters are threatening to sue over New York’s closed primary, which requires them to have chosen a party affiliation 6 months before the primary. You think if they care enough to sue, they’d have cared enough to get their registration right.
–
Let’s see, many who support Donald Trump do so because he’s rich and “successful.” But then some of those same people are against Hillary Clinton because of the money she has made. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, Knicks jokes, NBA playoff jokes, NBA playoffs jokes, New York jokes, Pablo Sandoval jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
April 16, 2016
Most worried #Warriors fans after the first day of the postseason. Those who finally scored playoff tickets, and they’re for game 5 at Oracle.
Since #Raptors are now 0-8 in #NBA playoff openers, wouldn’t it be more efficient & save wear on players just to forfeit game 1 next time?
–
If you didn’t recognize #DodgerStadium you’d know the #SFGiants #Dodgers game is in Los Angeles. All those empty seats behind home plate.
–
Right about now the #Jazz must be SO disappointed they missed the playoffs and a chance to take on the #Warriors. #NBAPlayoffs #sarcasm
–
Nothing is certain but death, taxes and the #Raptors losing in game one of the #NBAPlayoffs
–
Hard to believe it was not much more than a year ago that many #SFGiants fans were crushed when #PabloSandoval left to sign with #RedSox
–
Lakers head coach Byron Scott said that he “absolutely” expects that he will not be fired for next season. Translation, Los Angeles isn’t sure they can get anyone else to take on their mess.
–
Ohio State held their Spring football game today, 100,189 people showed up. Guess there must not be a lot to do in Columbus on a weekend.
–
McDonald’s CEO Steve Easterbrook made $7.91 million last year, up from $1.69 million in 2014. But it’s okay, executive compensation, unlike the pay of minimum wage employees, doesn’t affect the price of hamburgers….
–
Okay this is just piling on, as if Americans are jealous enough of Canada already: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3543380/Not-just-pretty-face-Justin-Trudeau-stuns-room-reporters-scientists-perfect-answer-quantum-computing-question.html
Snow in Denver has cancelled 70% of flights and also postponed Saturday’s annual “420” marijuana festival. Well, most attendees probably weren’t going to show up until at least Sunday anyway. #Dudewhensmyfestival?
A Muslim woman wearing a hijab was apparently kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight after she asked to change from a middle seat to an aisle because she was uncomfortable sitting between two men for religious reasons. Two responses – 1. Southwest probably over-reacted. 2. Not a bad idea. Especially when you’re a woman in a middle seat the men take the arm rests too.
If Bernie Sanders wants to attack Hillary Clinton for paid speeches that is his right.. But, not as if Bernie has been turning down the big bucks – from Ethics.senate.gov: “Anyone earning a Senate rate of pay at or above $123,175 may not earn more than $27,495 from all combined outside sources, including campaign work.”
–
–
So while we’re all ragging on Hillary Clinton for accepting Wall Street money, and yes, we need campaign finance reform, just wondering, who paid for Bernie Sanders’ private jet to meet the Pope in Rome?
–
Ted Cruz had a clean sweep of GOP delegates in Wyoming, all 14 of them. 14? Isn’t that about as many voters as there are in the state?
In Philadelphia, a 4-year-old girl was fatally shot by her 5-year-old brother with their father’s gun. If only the girl had been armed.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, marijuana jokes, McDonalds jokes, NBA jokes, raptors jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
April 15, 2016
The #Braves have won! Finally. Last week #Atlanta had a couple weeks that went this badly, Sherman was involved.
–
After the NY Daily News printed a story that the Mets had sold most of the jerseys from the team’s first game in NY after 9/11, the team issued a statement “We admit that we made a mistake, and have instituted a new process with internal controls to prevent something like this from happening again in the future.”
So was the mistake profiting over the jerseys, or getting caught?
–
John Kasich, in response to a woman student at a town hall in St. Lawrence University in NY saying she saying she worries about harassment on campus said “I’d also give you one bit of advice, don’t go to parties where there is a lot of alcohol.”
Can’t imagine how the GOP gets the reputation of being clueless on women’s issues. #andKasichissupposedtobethereasonableone
With all the attacks on Hillary over taking money from Wall Street for speeches, maybe it’s time for her to requote the line “If you can’t drink their whiskey, take their money, screw their women and still vote against him in the morning, you don’t belong in politics.”
Bill would certainly volunteer to help with the “women” part.
–
Starting for the 2017-18 season, the NBA announced that companies can buy a 2.5-by-2.5-inch advertising space on game-day jerseys. So that means by about 2020 those jerseys will resemble those worn by NASCAR.
The Minnesota Twins came back and beat the Angels tonight, following upon the Braves’ first win. So ten games into the season, nobody’s perfect.
–
AMC says they are scraping a plan to allow texting in theaters after saying they have heard “loud and clear” that it “is a concept our audience does not want.”
D’uh…. even people who text in theaters do not want other people texting in theaters.
–
Kim Davis’s lawyer is now apparently helping Kentucky leglislators draft a bill to restrict bathroom access for LGBTs. Hmm, presumably after the Kentucky Derby so everyone doesn’t boycott that too?
–
Sarah Palin says “Bill Nye is as much a scientist as I am.” Shocking! Palin acknowledges the concept of scientists?
–
Hillary Clinton last night in the debate “It’s easy to diagnose a problem. It’s harder to do something about a problem.” And many Americans on both sides of the aisle are thinking “No, just tell us you’ll fix it, don’t confuse us with facts.”
Jason Whitlock, not joining in the Kobe Bryant lovefest, said that Kobe’s narcissism and selfishness ruined the Lakers. Strikes me that he’s both right and wrong. In his prime, Bryant helped lead Los Angeles to five rings with that narcissism and selfishness. When his skills decreased and his demands, on and off the court, remained the same – well, yes, then, Kobe helped make sure the Lakers became, and stayed, a lousy basketball team.
–
T.C. on reports that Kim Jong Un now weighs over 300 pounds. “If this dictator thing doesn’t work out he can try out for the Boston Red Sox.”
Categories: baseball jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Braves jokes, Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, kasich jokes, Kobe jokes, Mets jokes, NBA jokes, texting jokes, Twins jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 14, 2016
Lots of uproar over a Sanders supporter using the term #Democraticwhores. Hillary fans are outraged. Meanwhile Bill is going “whores? where?
Really? A Rockies fan was kicked out of Coors Field for throwing a home run ball (hit by the Giants Trevor Brown) back onto the field. Good thing they don’t have that silly rule at Dodger Stadium. Madbum is hitting (and pitching) tomorrow night.
–
Rough couple days for #SFGiants pitchers at Coors Field, giving up 21 runs in two days. But it could be worse, they could have given up all those runs interspersed with snow delays. (And yes, it is going to snow this weekend in Denver. Happy Spring.)
–
Lots of attention on the Warriors winning 73 games. And over in Oakland the As are thinking “With luck we can do that this year too.”
–
Meanwhile, in the NFL, Oakland and SF may combine to honor Golden State: this year’s Raiders are likely to win 7 games, while the 49ers are likely to win 3.
So what’s going to happen next? The Golden State Warriors lose a game? Or the Minnesota Twins or Atlanta Braves win a game?
So with this the 9th Democratic debate was there any point other than both sides hoping for a “gotcha” moment? #sanders #clinton
American Airlines has complained that TSA lines meant 6,800 of their passengers missed flights in just one week from March 14-20. Of course American is not complaining about all the change fees they were able to charge those passengers.
–
Microsoft is suing the DOJ to prevent the government from going through users’ personal emails without notice. The company feels strongly that such an invasion of privacy should not be allowed, except by Microsoft and their advertisers.
–
Canada is looking into passing an assisted suicide bill for terminally ill patients, but will not allow “suicide tourism” for Americans. Especially presumably after the November elections.
In Wisconsin a high school teacher who has been charged with having sex with her 16-year old student allegedly slept with him the night of her husband’s bachelor party and sent him selfies from her honeymoon. Your move, Florida.
–
Al Sharpton, after Bill de Blasio and Hillary Clinton used a reference to “C.P” time in a skit – “Y’all got to leave all these jokes alone. Just, don’t even talk about race for a while.” Does it count as a joke to reference black pots and kettles?
–
All this commotion over the phrase “C.P. time” when used by NY Mayor DeBlasio, who is married to a black woman. Now, maybe in a P.C. age it wasn’t the best joke. But while we’re at it, I’ve heard in Hawaii and Jamaica and much of the Caribbean “Island time,” in Mexico “Mexican minutes,” from a lot of men “girl time” or “girl ready” and from someone married to a woman from Delhi “Indian Standard time.” So maybe we should all lighten up?
–
The Lakers apparently sold $1.2 million in Kobe Bryant merchandise yesterday. Although just think about how much the team might have made had they released Bryant a few years ago and built a team that could reach the playoffs.
From Alex Kaseberg “In his last game, the Lakers’ Kobe Bryant scored 60 points to beat the Utah Jazz. Now, I don’t want to say Utah rigged the game for Kobe, but Custer played better defense against Sitting Bull.”
Categories: debate jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Braves jokes, democratic whores jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Raiders jokes, Twins jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
April 13, 2016
Congrats to the Warriors on 73 wins. Klay Thompson was asked yesterday if the team would celebrate with champagne “Absolutely not You’ve got to save that till June, man. I mean, you might have a glass of wine after the game, but that’s about it.”
And the rest of the teams in the Western Conference playoffs are thinking, “Are you kidding, a week-long all-night party would be more appropriate.”
–
Open note to #Warriors fans, the wave is for when team sucks & there’s nothing better to do. Or when you’re #Dodgers or #As fans #stayclassy
Kobe Bryant, 20 years with the Lakers. Impressive. Tim Duncan, 19 years with the Spurs – impressive. More impressive, Duncan has structured his contract and play to help his team still be relevant. #thequietfarewelltourkeepsontouring
–
Warriors set record for NBA regular season wins. Many casual sports fans thinking “The NBA HAS a regular season?” #only2monthsuntilfinals
–
Lots of fanfare for Kobe Bryant’s last game tonight. Probably just as well Bryant doesn’t have an heir apparent on the Lakers – might be too much to expect Kobe to pass anything, let along a torch.
#JakePeavy started off the Giants game like a man who doesn’t want #SF Bay Area fans to have to decide between watching the #SFGiants & #Warriors
–
Boston #RedSox placed #PabloSandoval on the #DL with a left shoulder sprain. Possibly caused by too much repetitive motion with a fork?
–
#Braves & #Twins play interleague games in July. So one of those teams will actually have to win games this #MLB season.
–
Not a good April to be an Braves fan. The team is winless, and for those who say, “cheer up, it could be worse,” Atlanta outfielder Hector Olivera was arrested after a woman at the Ritz Carlton just outside D.C. called 911 to say he had assaulted her. Yeah, it just got worse.
–
The Sacramento Kings will apparently fire George Karl as the 33-48 team will miss the playoffs again. Their next coach will be their 10th since 2006-07. Somewhere even George Steinbrenner is thinking “Jeez, show a little patience.”
AMC’s CEO said he is considering allow patrons to text during movies. Well, this should help speed up the process of getting EVERYONE to watch movies at home instead of in theaters.
–
Harvard’s oldest exclusive club, The Porcellian, which is all-male, said in a statement to the Crimson (student newspaper):
“Forcing single gender organizations to accept members of the opposite sex could potentially increase, not decrease the potential for sexual misconduct.”
#Speechless But proving once again, IQ points are no guarantee against #Cantfixstupid
–
Volvo has promised “death-proof” cars by 2020. So who needs a hospital when you’re sick – drive around in a Volvo and live forever?
–
Apparently the original Santana band is reuniting for the first time since 1973. So after 43 years they’ve either decided to let bygones be bygones…or they can’t remember why they broke up in the first place?
–
Ivanka Trump, blaming her inability to vote for her father on the state – “New York has one of the most onerous rules in terms of registration, and it required us to register a long time ago, almost — close to a year ago….(uh, actually you have to declare a party six months in advance.) Looks like the apple doesn’t whine far from the tree.
–
Many states’ voting rules seem designed to keep poor and uneducated people from voting. Kudos to New York for bucking the trend by apparently making it harder for rich and lazy people. #Trumps
Congrats to Lynn Swann for getting the USC AD job. So what exactly are Swann’s qualifications though – he was a star Trojan football player and he hasn’t been arrested?
–
“Affluenza” teen Ethan Couch has been tentatively sentenced to a two-year jail term, although the judge gave Couch’s defense two weeks to make an argument for him to reconsider. Reconsider? As in maybe give him at least four years?-
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 73 jokes, Braves jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, santana jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
April 12, 2016
Of course it’s only April, but the two Orange & Black teams in #MLB are a combined 14-2. #Orioles #SFGiants
–
#BusterPosey might be googling #WallyPipp on his phone about now. #TrevorBrown #SFGiants
–
#BruceBochy said before Monday’s #SFGiants #Rockies game he’d like #TrevorBrown to hit a home run in all of his starts. So is #Brown taking him seriously?
–
#Dodgers payroll over $253,000,000. Now #MagicJohnson was 1 of greatest ever #NBA players. But did anyone tell him #MLB teams need something called a bullpen?
–
Tickets to Kobe Bryant’s last game are going for at least $800. But really, if you just wanted to see Bryant play a meaningless game, for that price you could have probably bought tickets to the Lakers whole home season.
–
Headline: “Lindsay Lohan is engaged. ” And most Americans no doubt are thinking “in what?”
–
Popular porn site xHamster announced yesterday that when anyone with a North Carolina IP address visits the site, they will be asked if they support the new anti-LGBT law. If they say “yes,” they will be blocked. Now that’s REALLY hitting below the belt.
–
John Kasich again last night in an interview said there is “zero” chance he would serve as v.p. “I would be the worst vice president the country ever saw. I’m not a vice president, I’m a president.”
Somewhere Dick Cheney is going “And your point is?”
–
Paul Ryan, “Let me be clear: I do not want, nor will I accept the nomination for our party.”
Didn’t he say the same thing about becoming Speaker?
–
The NFL has denied Josh Gordon’s petition for reinstatement. Of course, it doesn’t help when you petition AND fail a drug test in the same month.
.-
Music producer and reality tv star, David Gest, 62, known best to Americans as Liza Minnelli’s ex-husband, was found dead at a London hotel today. He had been preparing to tour with a new show “David Gest Is Not Dead But Alive With Soul.” Guess maybe it wasn’t the best choice of title. #bustohell
Donald Trump is upset about the possibility about losing the GOP nomination despite having the most delegates. “The system, folks, is rigged. It’s a rigged, disgusting, dirty system.”
Now Trump doesn’t really have a problem with a rigged system, he’s just used to being the one doing the rigging.
And btw, who says the Spurs are boring? Though just guessing none of them will get a call anytime soon from #DWTS. https://twitter.com/spurs/status/719925467042582528/photo/1
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, Paul Ryan jokes, SFGiants jokes, Spurs jokes, Trevor Brown jokes, Trump jokes, xhamsterjokes
Comments: 6 Comments
April 11, 2016
The NCAA reportedly approved a 3-year moratorium on new bowl games. What a disappointment for all those 6-6 teams who just missed last year’s postseason.
–
That moment when even #ESPN on #BaseballTonight says “It’s an even year, don’t bet against the #SFGiants. #Hellhasfrozenover
–
Jordan Spieth is still the favorite at 7-1 to win the U.S. Open in June, at the Oakmont Country Club in Pennsylvania. Assume Oakmont doesn’t have any water hazards?
–
Even if you’re not a #Warriors fan have to appreciate that their quest for the record has knocked #KobeBryant farewell tour off #ESPN Wed
Urban Meyer is upset with the new NCAA rule deregulating electronic communication with potential recruits, which means coaches can now send unlimited texts to student-athletes. Translation, Urban Meyer doesn’t know how to text..
–
Suppose we shouldn’t be shocked but Mr. “Make America Great” again can’t even make his children register to vote correctly? #cantfixstupid #butcanweelectstupid
Monday was #NationalPetDay. And cats are sniffing “EVERY day is National Cat Day.”
–
Warriors announcer Bob Fitzgerald wasn’t very happy with Spurs fans waving thundersticks yesterday, calling them “some jerk off fans trying to screw up the telecast.” Well, if Golden State ends up playing back in San Antonio am sure those fans will go out of their way to be welcoming.
–
The White House has asked Congress for $1.9 billion to fight Zika, and the CDC is saying “Everything we look at with this virus seems to be a bit scarier than we initially thought,” and that it has been linked to a “to a broader array of birth defects throughout a longer period of pregnancy…”
And the GOP in Congress is now accusing Obama of trying to “politicize” Zika. Right, because heaven forbid the US try to protect fetuses in a way that costs money
–
Donald Trump says that John Brennan’s pledge not to waterboard is “ridiculous.” Right, because who knows more about effective interrogation, Trump or the director of the CIA? And who is Trump planning to appoint to the job – Jack Bauer?
–
Joe Biden said in an interview that while both Democratic candidates are “totally qualified”, he would “like to see a woman elected.” Maybe especially because it would be easier for Joe to think Hillary was inevitable than to think he could have started late like Sanders and actually won.
Newly released court documents say that Robert Dear Jr., who confessed to killing three people at a Colorado Planned Parenthood clinic, told police he dreamed he’ll be met in Heaven by aborted fetuses wanting to thank him for saving unborn babies. So where are the GOP “pro-lifers” applauding him right here on Earth?
–
Tim Spector, a professor at King’s College, London, said that dieting is less about calories, and more about good bacteria. So cheese, chocolate, nuts, and red wine are all smart choices for those trying to control their weight. Well, that calls for opening a bottle!
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, NCAA jokes, SFGiants jokes, spieth jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes, wine jokes, zika jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 10, 2016
Jordan Spieth’s 12th hole today at the #Masters might have been worst the few minutes for top golfer in recent history not involving an Escalade.
#SFGiants are heading to Denver, where rookie Trevor Story has hit 7h home runs in six games. Just guessing Giants’ hitters find this story a lot more fun than their pitching staff.
–
So maybe it wasn’t so shocking that #SFGiants came back from a 5-0 deficit in the 1st. But that #Cueto went 7 and was winning pitcher?
–
The Mets wear 1986 throwback jerseys today and promptly get beat by the #Phillies. Time to throw the jerseys back?
–
Great, now the Warriors season “Running down Bulls record” is “sponsored by American Express. And some wonder why kids get the idea sports is all about money?
–
T.J.Ward is the second player on the Denver Broncos to publicly support Johnny Manziel joining the team, saying he would welcome the QB with “open arms.” So this brings up a two-part question – how talented is Manziel and how toxic is Kaepernick?
I know #Yankees rule the #ESPN world, but in April might have been a good weekend to have #Dodgers #Giants be the #Sundaynightbaseball game. (Yankees Tigers were rained out.)
Arizona Cardinals coach Bruce Arians told coaches at a high school clinic that one of football’s biggest problems is “moms.” No joke. Saying our sport is “being attacked. It’s the best game that’s ever been f—ing invented. And we have to make sure that moms get the message, because that’s who’s afraid of our game right now. It’s not dads; it’s moms.”
Right, and the problem isn’t concussions either. Is Arians trying to prove he’s anti-woman enough to join the GOP race for President?
–
Much talk now over an interview Laura Bush gave “I want our next president—whoever he or she might be—to be somebody who is interested in women in Afghanistan and who will continue U.S. policies, adding that person should “pay attention to our history, and know what’s happened before and know specifically how we can continue to do the good things that we do around the world.”
Some interpret her words as saying she will vote for Hillary Clinton. But hey, if Trump and Cruz are the GOP choices, say what you want about W., but no one ever accused Laura of being that conservative. Nor bat-sh*t crazy.
–
A Politico article asks “Can GOP Elites Really Turn Back the Clock in Cleveland?” Meaning, can they pick a candidate who never entered the primaries. Although would it really be that surprising? Most of the candidates who are and have been in the primaries want to turn the clock back for women to the 19th century.
If elected, how long until Donald Trump outlaws the Boston Globe? 
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Dodgers jokes, Giants jokes, Manziel jokes, Masters jokes, spieth jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
April 9, 2016
The San Diego Padres have scored 0 runs in 3 games at Petco & 29 runs in 2 games at Coors. Will hitters petition to play 2017 home games in Denver?
–
#SFGiants are experimenting with batting the pitcher 8th. #MadBum is making a strong pitch to bat at least 6th.
–
Seriously, from ESPN, since 2014, Madison Bumgarner has hit a HR every 8.4 ABs at AT&T Park. Barry Bonds’ career AB/HR at AT&T Park: 8.8.
–
So when his arm finally tires, will Madbum move to the AL as a DH?
–
Lip readers had a treat watching Kershaw after Madbum took him deep, again. “Are you f*cking sh*tting me?”
–
Not that most announcers aren’t homers, but Golden State Warriors TV announcers spent much of the game complaining about foul calls their team wasn’t getting. Then at the end of a 100-99 game when Lance Stephenson was hacked more than once…. crickets.
–
Zach Johnson missed the cut at the Masters after a replay showed that his club accidentally touched the water when his ball was partially submerged and he was assessed a 2-shot penalty. And people think the balk rule is arcane.
–
The cost of mailing a letter will drops to 47 cents starting April 10. And millennials are going “What’s a letter?”
–
It’s been two days since the American Idol final finale. So have we all forgotten the name of the white guy with a guitar who won yet?
–
LB Von Miller says if it were up to him, he’d have Johnny Manziel on the Broncos. Hmm, can you get concussions from being on Dancing on the Stars?
–
Has Bernie Sanders just forfeited any claim to outsider status? He and his wife were seen attending a performance of “Hamilton.” Uh, even most 1 percenters can’t get those tickets.
–
Cruz says he was “double-crossed” by Kasich in Michigan for delegate spots, Kasich’s campaign said the Cruz campaign broke their end of a deal first. Oh this horrible GOP on GOP violence. #ifonlytheywerearmed
–
So as some in the GOP like to talk about Bill Clinton’s indiscretions while Hillary is running for president, it’s interesting to note that the Speaker who led the proceedings was having an affair, his replacement quit after news broke of multiple affairs, and then HIS replacement turns out of have molested at least four teenage boys. #Familyvalues
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, madison bumgarner jokes, Masters jokes, SFGiants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 9, 2016
Trevor Story, 23, has now become the first MLB rookie to hit home runs in his first four games. Story is starting only because Jose Reyes is serving a suspension under the new domestic abuse policy for an alleged incident with his wife last fall. So maybe mean bitch Karma is a baseball fan.
–
–
In Orlando, Dino Rentos Studios says they broke the record for the world’s largest bobblehead. Was it a life-size model of #SFGiants manager Bruce Bochy?
–
#SDPadres act like an #NLS team with no scoring against #Dodgers for 3 games, & then an #NFL team today against #Rockies – 13-6 final.#WTF?
–
Ouch. It’s only the first week, and Chicago outfielder Kyle Schwarber is out for the season with a torn ACL and LCL in his left knee. Did someone put the Cubs on the cover of Sports Illustrated or something?
–
A California man scaled a 600-ft rock in Morro Bay to propose to his girlfriend via FaceTime. She said yes, but then her new fiance got stuck and had to be rescued by helicopter.
Guess she’s not marrying him for his brains.
–
New York City is expecting snow this weekend. Who to blame? Maybe too many Republicans said hell would freeze over before they endorsed Ted Cruz for the Presidency?
–
San Antonio rested their regulars tonight in Denver. Sometimes it’s good to be Gregg Popovich – having the Spurs kind of players probably means he doesn’t have to worry about them then overindulging in Colorado with room service brownies etc.
–
The NFL released their preseason schedule today. Surprised ESPN didn’t devote a four-hour long show to it.
–
A 28 year-old Texas middle school teacher has been arrested for sending nude photos to a former student, now in high school, on Snapchat. The boy reportedly deleted them but his friends sent screenshots around.
The woman was charged with misdemeanor distribution of harmful material to a minor. And presumably felony stupidity? #nothingisprivateontheinternet.
–
Ted Cruz’s campaign manager said that if Donald Trump “doesn’t get over 50% in New York, he should probably consider dropping out.” Right, so how much did Ted Cruz get in Texas? 43.8%.
–
The NFL released their preseason schedule today. Surprised ESPN didn’t devote a four-hour long show to it.
–
Dianne Feinstein wrote an op-ed urging her colleagues to consider Judge Garland, saying his “long record of public service calls for fair consideration, open hearings and a vote. Refusal to do this would, in my judgment, only further diminish the Senate in the eyes of the American people.”
Although, really, can anyone further diminish the Senate than Ted Cruz?
Categories: Uncategorized
Comments: Be the first to comment
April 7, 2016
Caught a five hour case of flu today. #Giantsfever. #BeatLA
#Dodgers team ERA for year just went from zero to over three in four innings #SFGiants #SFGiantsOpeningDay
San Diego heads to Coors Field without having scored a run in any of their first three games. Are the Padres trying to be the official MLB team of Coke Zero?
(Frank. W. says, “of course the Padres haven’t scored this season. Padres are supposed to be celibate.)
–
Waiting for an atheist to file a “freedom from religion” lawsuit against playing “God Bless America” at baseball games #SFGiantsOpeningDay
–
20,000 of Ivanka Trump’s branded scarves are being recalled due to a “burn risk.” But that’s not the interesting part, the Donald’s daughter has her scarves made in China. #onlylittlepeoplepaytariffs?
Wynn Resorts founder Steve Wynn reportedly told investors “Rich people only like being around rich people. Nobody likes being around poor people, especially poor people.” Hmm, is Wynn angling for a position in a possible Trump cabinet?
–
Whole Foods is opening “Whole Foods 365” in Los Angeles this May. They say it will be their first “budget-friendly” store. So folks, we have a new nominee for 2016’s top oxymoron.
–
In London, footage is circulating of a mysterious large shape apparently swimming in the Thames river, leading some to speculate about the Loch Ness Monster. It would of course, be inappropriate to make a Chris Christie on Spring Break joke.
–
A recent poll found that Donald Trump is disliked by 7 out of 10 people. And Ted Cruz is thinking “amateur.”
Ted Cruz is not backing down from his “New York values” comment. Translation, Cruz knows he’ll lose New York and figures the criticism will help him in other states.
–
Actually if Cruz really had the cojones to thumb his nose at New Yorkers he’d get photographed eating pizza with a fork.
–
So all these Republicans who can’t stand Ted Cruz are supporting him because they hate Donald Trump more. Now, one question if he actually gets elected – how is the GOP going to find enough people to put up with him and serve in a Cruz cabinet?
–
So the latest attack on Hillary Clinton is that she needed several swipes to get her Metrocard to work on the NY subway. You mean it’s possible to get it right on the first try?
–
So I would take these “religious freedom” types much more seriously if, for example, before they served heterosexual couples they would require to prove they were married, to each other. And refused to bake wedding cakes for any couple who wouldn’t swear they were both virgins.
–
Must be nice to be such a special snowflake that you can not only ignore the request on the train to turn cellphones to vibrate but you can keep a phone conversation going for a good 20 to 30 minutes. #sarcasm
#AmericanIdol reminds us on #IdolFinale of one reason the show is ending. #toomanywrongchoices #toomanyforgettablewinners
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cruz jokes, Giants jokes, god bless america jokes, Janice Hough, Padres jokes, SF Giants jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 6, 2016
So in 2016 what’s more likely in California? The #Warriors get to 73 wins? Or the #Padres get to 73 runs?
–
#SDPadres are working on a three game scoreless streak to open 2016 season. Are they trying to become official #MLB team of #MLS Major League Soccer.
–
Well, darn, the #SFGiants aren’t going to go 162-0. Probably better off not to tire them for the playoffs anyway.
Blue Jays manager John Gibbons complained after MLB’s new slide rule cost Toronto a run in a 5-3 loss to the Rays, “They’re trying to put dresses on us.” Uh, Gibbons, whine all you want. Then go watch “League of their Own” and find a new metaphor. #Theresnocryinginbaseball
–
Rockies rookie SS Trevor Story is the first MLB player since 1900 to homer in his first three games. Even more amazing, Story hasn’t played at Coors Field yet.
Open note to @SenSanders & @HillaryClinton: Knock off the negativity. When #GOP is in a circus hole, stand back & watch them dig tent poles.
–
Meanwhile, how powerful is #DonaldTrump? He’s managed to make #TedCruz seem like the more palatable GOP alternative.
–
At a Texas elementary school, the principal has banned parents from setting foot on campus, meaning they can neither walk their kids to school nor pick them up, unless those parents wait in a long line in their cars. #ifonlytheywerearmed No, wait…. #cantfixstupid
–
George Mason, whose law school wanted to honor the late Supreme Court Judge, has now switched its name to Antonin Scalia Law School. This after the internet pointed out the original change -the Antonin Scalia School of Law – was ASSLaw or ASSoL. Think they had it right the first time.
–
No injuries were reported when Apple employee shuttle bus caught fire today on a freeway in Northern Calfornia at about 630a this morning. It’s actually a shocking story – there are computer geeks UP at 630a in the morning?
–
Your daily dose of “blech”: Ann Coulter is now saying that Donald Trump will protect Americans from “Latin American rape culture.” Not sure which is harder to believe, that women would have affairs with Ted Cruz or that men of any culture would want Ann Coulter.
–
Walt Disney World is now offering guests who pay an extra $69 per person ($59 for kids) the chance to enter the Magic Kingdom earlier and avoid some of the longest lines. Great, leaving aside the class divide aspect, now in the summer, we can look forward to even grouchier parents yelling at their hot and even tireder kids about how much money they spent and THEY.SHOULD.BE.HAVING.FUN.DAMMIT
–
United Airlines is celebrating their 90th birthday. Curiously enough, that seems to be the same age as some of their planes.
Pfizer Inc, which had planned to avoid U.S. tax rates by merging with Allergan Plc, of Ireland, has scrapped the deal after the Treasury instituted new anti-inversion rules. I blame Obama.
–
John Kasich can clinch the GOP nomination if he wins 125% of the remaining primary delegates. Well, math was always a liberal commie pinko concept anyway.
–
In San Francisco, ParkingCupid, parking version of Airbnb is offering parking places in garages and driveways for up to $400 a month. At that price are customers allowed to sleep in their cars?
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Apple jokes, blue jays jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, MLB jokes, Padres jokes, primary jokes, scalia jokes, Texas jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 5, 2016
It’s only 1 game, but right this second #SFGiants not feeling too badly about losing out on Zack #Greinke & having to sign Johnny #Cueto
–
Several Patriots fans are now suing the NFL and Roger Goodell over the league’s punishment for the Deflategate scandal. “Right, because that poor franchise never gets a break,” said nobody outside New England.
All the hype on Warriors network about upcoming #GoldenState #SanAntonio matchup Thurs. Right, Pop might even play one of #Spurs starters.
–
In the first game of the season, Chase Utley has started another controversy with a slide that some thought was dirty at home plate. Well, if he makes a pattern of it, MLB won’t need a Chase Utley rule, as some pitcher will apply the Drysdale rule and put Utley on the DL.
–
At Disneyland Paris, a worker was apparently electrocuted inside the Haunted Mansion ride. So sounds like they’ll have to update the French version of “999 happy haunts, but there’s always room for one more…” #Disneybustohell
–
RNC Chairman Reince Priebus is now warning Trump that the Donald made a loyalty pledge to the eventual GOP Presidential nominee. Right, like that’s going to make any difference to the man who three times has said “Until death do us part.”
–
Despite watching major backlash in Georgia and North Carolina, Mississippi’s governor Phil Bryant today signed a law allowing businesses to refuse service to gay couples based on employers’ religious beliefs. Maybe because Bryant figured no one from outside the state wants to do business or visit Mississippi anyhow?
–
A man was arrested in Atherton, California for vandalism and trespassing after he spray-painted graffiti at various locations around town. Police were able to figure out it was him because the graffiti all included his NAME. #cantfixstupid
–
In Alabama, a bipartisan group of legislators is moving to impeach Gov. Robert Bentley over a sex scandal over leaked tapes of his conversations with a female aide. Bentley is maintaining that despite the explicit nature of the tapes, that he never actually committed adultery. So the Governor’s DEFENSE is that he’s another politician who is all talk and no action.
A tale of two approaches to America’s problems. President Obama and the Treasury Dept are proposing tighting regulations on billion dollar corporate tax inversions, and Trump is going to build a wall by stopping poor illegals from sending some of their low wages back to Mexico.
–
There’s a fair amount of media attention being paid to Bernie Sanders’ recent interview with the NY Daily News, during which he dodged questions, gave a lot of vague answers, and acted generally rather unaware. Well, maybe it’s all part of Bernie’s plan to go after Trump voters.
From Alex Kaseberg “North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-Un, has reportedly ballooned to over 300 pounds. He may have to change his name to Kim Jong-Christie.
(I’m thinking, or maybe Kim Jong-Un’s goal is to play third base for the Red Sox?)
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, baseball jokes, Giants jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, sanders jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
April 4, 2016
Ah yes, March Madness, when the bracket you actually thought about had UNC to win it all, and you suddenly jump up to 92nd percentile on the bracket where you just picked cats. #Villanova #Wildcats
–
But come on, while CBS has the rights, the NCAA men’s championship game tonight was broadcast on… TBS? Sounds like the network is taking college basketball as seriously as the one-and-done players.
–
SF Giants’ flight to Milwaukee was delayed over six hours yesterday. Hmm, maybe a little travel stress is better than batting practices for their hitters?
(12-3 win, with back-to-back-to-back home runs)
–
Happy #SFGiants Opening Day. It’s partly cloudy about 60 degrees with a high of 68 in SF today, it’s 32 degrees with snow flurries and a high of 40 in Milwaukee. So who drew up this schedule anyway? #baseballshouldnotopenindoors
–
–
Meanwhile, the Yankees-Astros opening game in New York was postponed today due to weather. What a shame. Too bad neither of these teams plays in a warm weather area. Oops, never mind.
–
So with all these states talking about religious freedom, how long until some files a lawsuit demanding freedom FROM religion over “God Bless America” being played at so many MLB games?
–
Congrats to #LosAngelesRams for winning their 1st pre-season game today against #SDChargers 15-0. Oh wait, never mind. #Dodgers #Padres
Even as a #SFGiants fan I must admit, when you give #Kershaw 15 runs he gives you a pretty good chance to win.
–
So both the Indians and Yankees home openers were postponed due to weather. Meaning a lot of fans in Cleveland and New York will be trying to explain how that 24 hour flu is lingering a bit longer.
–
The Oakland A’s Sonny Gray has been scratched for his opening night start due to food poisoning, this after he was hospitalized last year with salmonella. The A’s don’t just need a pitching coach, they need a food taster.
–
The Raiders have signed Aldon Smith, who is currently serving a 1-year suspension for substance abuse, and has five arrests since he joined the NFL in 2011 – “I think in his heart he’s a good young man” Raiders coach Jack Del Rio.”
Now, wishing Smith the best, but it’s amazing how your chances of being considered “a good young man” go up when you’re a star pass-rusher.
–
DE Greg Hardy was convicted of domestic violence in 2014, and pictures showed his ex-girlfriend with multiple bruises, but the case was overturned when the woman stopped cooperating with police. Now, Hardy said in an ESPN interview.”I’ve never put my hand on any women.” Even Bill Cosby is thinking this sounds disingenuous..
–
New airlines excuse for the day. JetBlue flight delayed last night from New York to SF….because they put the WRONG FUEL in the plane? So apparently they had to drain it and refuel. Your move, United.
–
In the 2016 Airline Quality Rating, Spirit Airlines led U.S. carriers in customer complaints. They might have had more, but given that it’s Spirit they probably charge passengers to complain.
–
The Huffington Post is reporting Charles Koch is confident Paul Ryan could be the GOP Presidential nominee if Trump doesn’t get enough delegates. Well, and I am sure the Donald and his supporters will take that gracefully. #passthepopcorn
Electric automaker says they have had delayed deliveries of their Model S and X this quarter because of part shortages caused by “Tesla’s hubris.” Hmm, I thought the hubris was reserved for Tesla owners.
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, March madness jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, March madness jokes, MLB jokes, Opening day jokes, SFGiants jokes, villanova jokes, Voodcate ddoo caat does appr, Yankees jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
April 3, 2016
Two of the sweetest words in the English language – “Play Ball!”. #OpeningDay
Trump now says that John Kasich shouldn’t be allowed to run because he can’t win. Well, heck, the Cubs have been allowed to play baseball for the last century.
–
Cardinals and Pirates opened up the MLB season today at PNC Park. Where the morning temperature was 33 degrees. Brrr… That’s almost as cold as a night game at Candlestick.
–
Enjoyed the #WorldSeries, but anyone but me thinks interleague play on #OpeningDay sucks?
–
PNC Park in Pittsburgh will be selling a new all-beef hot dog with Cracker Jack, macaroni and cheese, salted caramel sauce and fried jalapenos, on naan bread. The first ballpark food designed specifically to be sold to people who lose a bet?
–
Stephen Schwartz, who composed “Wicked” and other Broadway hits, has banned his shows being produced in North Carolina because of the new anti-LGBT law, and wants others to join him. But really, can you actually put on a Broadway show without the LGBT community?
–
Last night soccer star Abby Wambach was arrested for DUI in Oregon. Who says women athletes will never be the equals of men? Sigh.
(But to give Wambach credit, she posted about it on FB today with a full apology and no excuses…. that is not equal to many male athletes.)
Thon Baker, 19, a 7-ft tall basketball star from the Sudan, who graduated high school in Canada, has announced he will enter the NBA draft. What a shame, Baker could be missing some of the best months of his life in college.
–
Marijuana advocates had a massive joint smoking rally outside the White House yesterday calling for legalization. Why stop there? Make pot smoking mandatory for Congress. #maybethentheycouldallgetalong
–
The Golden State Warriors trailed after the first quarter against the Portland Trail Blazers, but then went on 6-0 run at end of 2nd quarter to lead by 7 at the half. And pulled away to win by 25. Worried Golden State fans were beginning to think team was mortal.
–
The D.C. Madam’s lawyer says that her client records are online and could be released in 72 hours. As if this election wasn’t enough fun already?
–
Oklahoma lost by 44 yesterday to Villanova. On a brighter note for Buddy Hield, at least he got a little practice in how games might be next year if he is drafted by the Lakers.
Donald Trump now says the current laws on abortion should remain unchanged. Give the Donald credit, most politicians take years to cover every side of an issue, he’s done it in less than a week.
Categories: baseball jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Cubs jokes, interleague jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, Opening day jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 2, 2016
New York City has an NBA store where you can get gear from all teams. Now I understand home team, and various bandwagons, and of course super stars. But buying 76ers’ stuff to wear? Shot glasses maybe.
Ben & Jerry’s is introducing a new “Bernie’s Yearning” ice cream flavor. So will it sound incredibly sweet but cost a LOT more than you expect?
–
The Cleveland Indians said they are keeping but downplaying their Chief Wahoo logo. Yet, another instant of Native Americans being treated like second-class citizens?
The Warriors lost on a night they committed 22 turnovers and their shooting was less magnificent than usual…. to a team from Boston. Hmm, before the game did anyone see the Patriots ball boys?
–
Meanwhile, the Spurs went to a team record 64th win and 39 at home.
The Spurs may end up being the best runner-up NBA team ever. But right now anyone want to second-guess LaMarcus Aldridges’s decision to turn down Los Angeles in favor of San Antonio?
–
President Obama says that Donald Trump “doesn’t understand foreign policy or the world in general.” The problem here might be assuming that Trump supporters think that’s a bad thing.
–
So after an 8 year investigation, Syracuse’s men’s basketball was banned from the 2015 postseason and coach Jim Boeheim suspended for nine games this season. The violations included violating drug testing, having others do coursework for athletes, and boosters paying thousands to athletes….
But hey, losing in the Final Four to North Carolina. Sounds like the program has really paid the price. .
–
Tim Tebow this week talked about potentially being interested in running for political office. And if this presidential primary season has taught us anything, it’s that Tebow could be a far less dangerous risk as an elected official as he could be a quarterback.
–
The Broncos and 49ers are apparently close to agreeing on a deal for Colin Kaepernick. Well, Denver has already proven they can win without a QB.-
American Idol has revealed their final three. Are we talking contestants or viewers?
Categories: Uncategorized
Comments: 1 Comment
April 1, 2016
Today’s quote from Warriors owner Joe Lacob: “We’ve crushed them on the basketball court, and we’re going to for years because of the way we’ve built this team. We’re light-years ahead of probably every other team in structure, in planning, in how we’re going to go about things. We’re going to be a handful for the rest of the N.B.A. to deal with for a long time.”
H&M had an April Fool’s Joke of a Mark Zuckerberg fashion line – seven gray t-shirts and one pair of jeans, for men who want to make as “few decisions as possible.”
How many million men actually saw that and said “Sounds good to me
–
Parts of the D.C. Metro might have to close for months for repairs. Which could bring productivity in the city down to a crawl – making all Washingtonians honorary members of Congress?
Two people in an SUV who were fleeing police died when they ended up on a Naval Base in Lemoore, California, and crashed into the tail of a F-18 Fighter Jet. Proving again, while terrorism is real, for real and regular damage you can’t beat old fashioned stupidity.
Tiger Woods has announced he will skip the Masters. Woods must be really tired if he figures he can’t play golf for two days.
–
And then there’s Kylie Irving, who says he still thinks the Cavs “are the team to beat” in the postseason. Did they legalize marijuana in Ohio and not tell us?
Former Stanford star and current USF women’s basketball coach Jennifer Azzi tonight came out as gay at a dinner honoring Warriors President Rick Welts, and announced that she is married, to a woman who is one of her assistant coaches.
Well, good for Azzi.. And it will be even better when this sort of thing is no longer considered newsworthy.
–
Canada will have no teams in the NHLplayoffs for the first time since 1970. Now, hockey is the Canadian national sport, but before we in the U.S. feel too sorry for them, remember, their leader going forward is Justin Trudeau, and we have….. Sigh.
–
A new Gallup poll says that 7 out of 10 women in the U.S. have an unfavorable view of Donald Trump. Shocking. 3 out of 10 actually like him?
My friend Steven Harmon wants to start a pool on when Donald Trump pulls out. I just wish Trump’s dad had.
From Marc Ragovin: NY Mets pitcher Matt Harvey has been told to urinate more frequently to prevent the bladder infection that nearly derailed his opening day start. When asked what changes he might now have to make to his routine as the season progresses, Harvey said he will “just go with the flow.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Comments: 5 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 