Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category
April 15, 2016
The #Braves have won! Finally. Last week #Atlanta had a couple weeks that went this badly, Sherman was involved.
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After the NY Daily News printed a story that the Mets had sold most of the jerseys from the team’s first game in NY after 9/11, the team issued a statement “We admit that we made a mistake, and have instituted a new process with internal controls to prevent something like this from happening again in the future.”
So was the mistake profiting over the jerseys, or getting caught?
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John Kasich, in response to a woman student at a town hall in St. Lawrence University in NY saying she saying she worries about harassment on campus said “I’d also give you one bit of advice, don’t go to parties where there is a lot of alcohol.”
Can’t imagine how the GOP gets the reputation of being clueless on women’s issues. #andKasichissupposedtobethereasonableone
With all the attacks on Hillary over taking money from Wall Street for speeches, maybe it’s time for her to requote the line “If you can’t drink their whiskey, take their money, screw their women and still vote against him in the morning, you don’t belong in politics.”
Bill would certainly volunteer to help with the “women” part.
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Starting for the 2017-18 season, the NBA announced that companies can buy a 2.5-by-2.5-inch advertising space on game-day jerseys. So that means by about 2020 those jerseys will resemble those worn by NASCAR.
The Minnesota Twins came back and beat the Angels tonight, following upon the Braves’ first win. So ten games into the season, nobody’s perfect.
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AMC says they are scraping a plan to allow texting in theaters after saying they have heard “loud and clear” that it “is a concept our audience does not want.”
D’uh…. even people who text in theaters do not want other people texting in theaters.
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Kim Davis’s lawyer is now apparently helping Kentucky leglislators draft a bill to restrict bathroom access for LGBTs. Hmm, presumably after the Kentucky Derby so everyone doesn’t boycott that too?
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Sarah Palin says “Bill Nye is as much a scientist as I am.” Shocking! Palin acknowledges the concept of scientists?
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Hillary Clinton last night in the debate “It’s easy to diagnose a problem. It’s harder to do something about a problem.” And many Americans on both sides of the aisle are thinking “No, just tell us you’ll fix it, don’t confuse us with facts.”
Jason Whitlock, not joining in the Kobe Bryant lovefest, said that Kobe’s narcissism and selfishness ruined the Lakers. Strikes me that he’s both right and wrong. In his prime, Bryant helped lead Los Angeles to five rings with that narcissism and selfishness. When his skills decreased and his demands, on and off the court, remained the same – well, yes, then, Kobe helped make sure the Lakers became, and stayed, a lousy basketball team.
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T.C. on reports that Kim Jong Un now weighs over 300 pounds. “If this dictator thing doesn’t work out he can try out for the Boston Red Sox.”
Categories: baseball jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Braves jokes, Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, kasich jokes, Kobe jokes, Mets jokes, NBA jokes, texting jokes, Twins jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 14, 2016
Lots of uproar over a Sanders supporter using the term #Democraticwhores. Hillary fans are outraged. Meanwhile Bill is going “whores? where?
Really? A Rockies fan was kicked out of Coors Field for throwing a home run ball (hit by the Giants Trevor Brown) back onto the field. Good thing they don’t have that silly rule at Dodger Stadium. Madbum is hitting (and pitching) tomorrow night.
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Rough couple days for #SFGiants pitchers at Coors Field, giving up 21 runs in two days. But it could be worse, they could have given up all those runs interspersed with snow delays. (And yes, it is going to snow this weekend in Denver. Happy Spring.)
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Lots of attention on the Warriors winning 73 games. And over in Oakland the As are thinking “With luck we can do that this year too.”
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Meanwhile, in the NFL, Oakland and SF may combine to honor Golden State: this year’s Raiders are likely to win 7 games, while the 49ers are likely to win 3.
So what’s going to happen next? The Golden State Warriors lose a game? Or the Minnesota Twins or Atlanta Braves win a game?
So with this the 9th Democratic debate was there any point other than both sides hoping for a “gotcha” moment? #sanders #clinton
American Airlines has complained that TSA lines meant 6,800 of their passengers missed flights in just one week from March 14-20. Of course American is not complaining about all the change fees they were able to charge those passengers.
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Microsoft is suing the DOJ to prevent the government from going through users’ personal emails without notice. The company feels strongly that such an invasion of privacy should not be allowed, except by Microsoft and their advertisers.
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Canada is looking into passing an assisted suicide bill for terminally ill patients, but will not allow “suicide tourism” for Americans. Especially presumably after the November elections.
In Wisconsin a high school teacher who has been charged with having sex with her 16-year old student allegedly slept with him the night of her husband’s bachelor party and sent him selfies from her honeymoon. Your move, Florida.
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Al Sharpton, after Bill de Blasio and Hillary Clinton used a reference to “C.P” time in a skit – “Y’all got to leave all these jokes alone. Just, don’t even talk about race for a while.” Does it count as a joke to reference black pots and kettles?
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All this commotion over the phrase “C.P. time” when used by NY Mayor DeBlasio, who is married to a black woman. Now, maybe in a P.C. age it wasn’t the best joke. But while we’re at it, I’ve heard in Hawaii and Jamaica and much of the Caribbean “Island time,” in Mexico “Mexican minutes,” from a lot of men “girl time” or “girl ready” and from someone married to a woman from Delhi “Indian Standard time.” So maybe we should all lighten up?
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The Lakers apparently sold $1.2 million in Kobe Bryant merchandise yesterday. Although just think about how much the team might have made had they released Bryant a few years ago and built a team that could reach the playoffs.
From Alex Kaseberg “In his last game, the Lakers’ Kobe Bryant scored 60 points to beat the Utah Jazz. Now, I don’t want to say Utah rigged the game for Kobe, but Custer played better defense against Sitting Bull.”
Categories: debate jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Braves jokes, democratic whores jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Raiders jokes, Twins jokes, Warriors jokes
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April 13, 2016
Congrats to the Warriors on 73 wins. Klay Thompson was asked yesterday if the team would celebrate with champagne “Absolutely not You’ve got to save that till June, man. I mean, you might have a glass of wine after the game, but that’s about it.”
And the rest of the teams in the Western Conference playoffs are thinking, “Are you kidding, a week-long all-night party would be more appropriate.”
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Open note to #Warriors fans, the wave is for when team sucks & there’s nothing better to do. Or when you’re #Dodgers or #As fans #stayclassy
Kobe Bryant, 20 years with the Lakers. Impressive. Tim Duncan, 19 years with the Spurs – impressive. More impressive, Duncan has structured his contract and play to help his team still be relevant. #thequietfarewelltourkeepsontouring
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Warriors set record for NBA regular season wins. Many casual sports fans thinking “The NBA HAS a regular season?” #only2monthsuntilfinals
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Lots of fanfare for Kobe Bryant’s last game tonight. Probably just as well Bryant doesn’t have an heir apparent on the Lakers – might be too much to expect Kobe to pass anything, let along a torch.
#JakePeavy started off the Giants game like a man who doesn’t want #SF Bay Area fans to have to decide between watching the #SFGiants & #Warriors
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Boston #RedSox placed #PabloSandoval on the #DL with a left shoulder sprain. Possibly caused by too much repetitive motion with a fork?
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#Braves & #Twins play interleague games in July. So one of those teams will actually have to win games this #MLB season.
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Not a good April to be an Braves fan. The team is winless, and for those who say, “cheer up, it could be worse,” Atlanta outfielder Hector Olivera was arrested after a woman at the Ritz Carlton just outside D.C. called 911 to say he had assaulted her. Yeah, it just got worse.
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The Sacramento Kings will apparently fire George Karl as the 33-48 team will miss the playoffs again. Their next coach will be their 10th since 2006-07. Somewhere even George Steinbrenner is thinking “Jeez, show a little patience.”
AMC’s CEO said he is considering allow patrons to text during movies. Well, this should help speed up the process of getting EVERYONE to watch movies at home instead of in theaters.
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Harvard’s oldest exclusive club, The Porcellian, which is all-male, said in a statement to the Crimson (student newspaper):
“Forcing single gender organizations to accept members of the opposite sex could potentially increase, not decrease the potential for sexual misconduct.”
#Speechless But proving once again, IQ points are no guarantee against #Cantfixstupid
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Volvo has promised “death-proof” cars by 2020. So who needs a hospital when you’re sick – drive around in a Volvo and live forever?
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Apparently the original Santana band is reuniting for the first time since 1973. So after 43 years they’ve either decided to let bygones be bygones…or they can’t remember why they broke up in the first place?
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Ivanka Trump, blaming her inability to vote for her father on the state – “New York has one of the most onerous rules in terms of registration, and it required us to register a long time ago, almost — close to a year ago….(uh, actually you have to declare a party six months in advance.) Looks like the apple doesn’t whine far from the tree.
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Many states’ voting rules seem designed to keep poor and uneducated people from voting. Kudos to New York for bucking the trend by apparently making it harder for rich and lazy people. #Trumps
Congrats to Lynn Swann for getting the USC AD job. So what exactly are Swann’s qualifications though – he was a star Trojan football player and he hasn’t been arrested?
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“Affluenza” teen Ethan Couch has been tentatively sentenced to a two-year jail term, although the judge gave Couch’s defense two weeks to make an argument for him to reconsider. Reconsider? As in maybe give him at least four years?-
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 73 jokes, Braves jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, santana jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
April 12, 2016
Of course it’s only April, but the two Orange & Black teams in #MLB are a combined 14-2. #Orioles #SFGiants
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#BusterPosey might be googling #WallyPipp on his phone about now. #TrevorBrown #SFGiants
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#BruceBochy said before Monday’s #SFGiants #Rockies game he’d like #TrevorBrown to hit a home run in all of his starts. So is #Brown taking him seriously?
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#Dodgers payroll over $253,000,000. Now #MagicJohnson was 1 of greatest ever #NBA players. But did anyone tell him #MLB teams need something called a bullpen?
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Tickets to Kobe Bryant’s last game are going for at least $800. But really, if you just wanted to see Bryant play a meaningless game, for that price you could have probably bought tickets to the Lakers whole home season.
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Headline: “Lindsay Lohan is engaged. ” And most Americans no doubt are thinking “in what?”
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Popular porn site xHamster announced yesterday that when anyone with a North Carolina IP address visits the site, they will be asked if they support the new anti-LGBT law. If they say “yes,” they will be blocked. Now that’s REALLY hitting below the belt.
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John Kasich again last night in an interview said there is “zero” chance he would serve as v.p. “I would be the worst vice president the country ever saw. I’m not a vice president, I’m a president.”
Somewhere Dick Cheney is going “And your point is?”
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Paul Ryan, “Let me be clear: I do not want, nor will I accept the nomination for our party.”
Didn’t he say the same thing about becoming Speaker?
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The NFL has denied Josh Gordon’s petition for reinstatement. Of course, it doesn’t help when you petition AND fail a drug test in the same month.
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Music producer and reality tv star, David Gest, 62, known best to Americans as Liza Minnelli’s ex-husband, was found dead at a London hotel today. He had been preparing to tour with a new show “David Gest Is Not Dead But Alive With Soul.” Guess maybe it wasn’t the best choice of title. #bustohell
Donald Trump is upset about the possibility about losing the GOP nomination despite having the most delegates. “The system, folks, is rigged. It’s a rigged, disgusting, dirty system.”
Now Trump doesn’t really have a problem with a rigged system, he’s just used to being the one doing the rigging.
And btw, who says the Spurs are boring? Though just guessing none of them will get a call anytime soon from #DWTS. https://twitter.com/spurs/status/719925467042582528/photo/1
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, Paul Ryan jokes, SFGiants jokes, Spurs jokes, Trevor Brown jokes, Trump jokes, xhamsterjokes
Comments: 6 Comments
April 11, 2016
The NCAA reportedly approved a 3-year moratorium on new bowl games. What a disappointment for all those 6-6 teams who just missed last year’s postseason.
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That moment when even #ESPN on #BaseballTonight says “It’s an even year, don’t bet against the #SFGiants. #Hellhasfrozenover
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Jordan Spieth is still the favorite at 7-1 to win the U.S. Open in June, at the Oakmont Country Club in Pennsylvania. Assume Oakmont doesn’t have any water hazards?
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Even if you’re not a #Warriors fan have to appreciate that their quest for the record has knocked #KobeBryant farewell tour off #ESPN Wed
Urban Meyer is upset with the new NCAA rule deregulating electronic communication with potential recruits, which means coaches can now send unlimited texts to student-athletes. Translation, Urban Meyer doesn’t know how to text..
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Suppose we shouldn’t be shocked but Mr. “Make America Great” again can’t even make his children register to vote correctly? #cantfixstupid #butcanweelectstupid
Monday was #NationalPetDay. And cats are sniffing “EVERY day is National Cat Day.”
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Warriors announcer Bob Fitzgerald wasn’t very happy with Spurs fans waving thundersticks yesterday, calling them “some jerk off fans trying to screw up the telecast.” Well, if Golden State ends up playing back in San Antonio am sure those fans will go out of their way to be welcoming.
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The White House has asked Congress for $1.9 billion to fight Zika, and the CDC is saying “Everything we look at with this virus seems to be a bit scarier than we initially thought,” and that it has been linked to a “to a broader array of birth defects throughout a longer period of pregnancy…”
And the GOP in Congress is now accusing Obama of trying to “politicize” Zika. Right, because heaven forbid the US try to protect fetuses in a way that costs money
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Donald Trump says that John Brennan’s pledge not to waterboard is “ridiculous.” Right, because who knows more about effective interrogation, Trump or the director of the CIA? And who is Trump planning to appoint to the job – Jack Bauer?
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Joe Biden said in an interview that while both Democratic candidates are “totally qualified”, he would “like to see a woman elected.” Maybe especially because it would be easier for Joe to think Hillary was inevitable than to think he could have started late like Sanders and actually won.
Newly released court documents say that Robert Dear Jr., who confessed to killing three people at a Colorado Planned Parenthood clinic, told police he dreamed he’ll be met in Heaven by aborted fetuses wanting to thank him for saving unborn babies. So where are the GOP “pro-lifers” applauding him right here on Earth?
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Tim Spector, a professor at King’s College, London, said that dieting is less about calories, and more about good bacteria. So cheese, chocolate, nuts, and red wine are all smart choices for those trying to control their weight. Well, that calls for opening a bottle!
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, NCAA jokes, SFGiants jokes, spieth jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes, wine jokes, zika jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 10, 2016
Jordan Spieth’s 12th hole today at the #Masters might have been worst the few minutes for top golfer in recent history not involving an Escalade.
#SFGiants are heading to Denver, where rookie Trevor Story has hit 7h home runs in six games. Just guessing Giants’ hitters find this story a lot more fun than their pitching staff.
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So maybe it wasn’t so shocking that #SFGiants came back from a 5-0 deficit in the 1st. But that #Cueto went 7 and was winning pitcher?
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The Mets wear 1986 throwback jerseys today and promptly get beat by the #Phillies. Time to throw the jerseys back?
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Great, now the Warriors season “Running down Bulls record” is “sponsored by American Express. And some wonder why kids get the idea sports is all about money?
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T.J.Ward is the second player on the Denver Broncos to publicly support Johnny Manziel joining the team, saying he would welcome the QB with “open arms.” So this brings up a two-part question – how talented is Manziel and how toxic is Kaepernick?
I know #Yankees rule the #ESPN world, but in April might have been a good weekend to have #Dodgers #Giants be the #Sundaynightbaseball game. (Yankees Tigers were rained out.)
Arizona Cardinals coach Bruce Arians told coaches at a high school clinic that one of football’s biggest problems is “moms.” No joke. Saying our sport is “being attacked. It’s the best game that’s ever been f—ing invented. And we have to make sure that moms get the message, because that’s who’s afraid of our game right now. It’s not dads; it’s moms.”
Right, and the problem isn’t concussions either. Is Arians trying to prove he’s anti-woman enough to join the GOP race for President?
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Much talk now over an interview Laura Bush gave “I want our next president—whoever he or she might be—to be somebody who is interested in women in Afghanistan and who will continue U.S. policies, adding that person should “pay attention to our history, and know what’s happened before and know specifically how we can continue to do the good things that we do around the world.”
Some interpret her words as saying she will vote for Hillary Clinton. But hey, if Trump and Cruz are the GOP choices, say what you want about W., but no one ever accused Laura of being that conservative. Nor bat-sh*t crazy.
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A Politico article asks “Can GOP Elites Really Turn Back the Clock in Cleveland?” Meaning, can they pick a candidate who never entered the primaries. Although would it really be that surprising? Most of the candidates who are and have been in the primaries want to turn the clock back for women to the 19th century.
If elected, how long until Donald Trump outlaws the Boston Globe? 
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Dodgers jokes, Giants jokes, Manziel jokes, Masters jokes, spieth jokes
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April 9, 2016
The San Diego Padres have scored 0 runs in 3 games at Petco & 29 runs in 2 games at Coors. Will hitters petition to play 2017 home games in Denver?
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#SFGiants are experimenting with batting the pitcher 8th. #MadBum is making a strong pitch to bat at least 6th.
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Seriously, from ESPN, since 2014, Madison Bumgarner has hit a HR every 8.4 ABs at AT&T Park. Barry Bonds’ career AB/HR at AT&T Park: 8.8.
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So when his arm finally tires, will Madbum move to the AL as a DH?
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Lip readers had a treat watching Kershaw after Madbum took him deep, again. “Are you f*cking sh*tting me?”
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Not that most announcers aren’t homers, but Golden State Warriors TV announcers spent much of the game complaining about foul calls their team wasn’t getting. Then at the end of a 100-99 game when Lance Stephenson was hacked more than once…. crickets.
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Zach Johnson missed the cut at the Masters after a replay showed that his club accidentally touched the water when his ball was partially submerged and he was assessed a 2-shot penalty. And people think the balk rule is arcane.
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The cost of mailing a letter will drops to 47 cents starting April 10. And millennials are going “What’s a letter?”
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It’s been two days since the American Idol final finale. So have we all forgotten the name of the white guy with a guitar who won yet?
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LB Von Miller says if it were up to him, he’d have Johnny Manziel on the Broncos. Hmm, can you get concussions from being on Dancing on the Stars?
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Has Bernie Sanders just forfeited any claim to outsider status? He and his wife were seen attending a performance of “Hamilton.” Uh, even most 1 percenters can’t get those tickets.
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Cruz says he was “double-crossed” by Kasich in Michigan for delegate spots, Kasich’s campaign said the Cruz campaign broke their end of a deal first. Oh this horrible GOP on GOP violence. #ifonlytheywerearmed
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So as some in the GOP like to talk about Bill Clinton’s indiscretions while Hillary is running for president, it’s interesting to note that the Speaker who led the proceedings was having an affair, his replacement quit after news broke of multiple affairs, and then HIS replacement turns out of have molested at least four teenage boys. #Familyvalues
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, madison bumgarner jokes, Masters jokes, SFGiants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 9, 2016
Trevor Story, 23, has now become the first MLB rookie to hit home runs in his first four games. Story is starting only because Jose Reyes is serving a suspension under the new domestic abuse policy for an alleged incident with his wife last fall. So maybe mean bitch Karma is a baseball fan.
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In Orlando, Dino Rentos Studios says they broke the record for the world’s largest bobblehead. Was it a life-size model of #SFGiants manager Bruce Bochy?
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#SDPadres act like an #NLS team with no scoring against #Dodgers for 3 games, & then an #NFL team today against #Rockies – 13-6 final.#WTF?
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Ouch. It’s only the first week, and Chicago outfielder Kyle Schwarber is out for the season with a torn ACL and LCL in his left knee. Did someone put the Cubs on the cover of Sports Illustrated or something?
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A California man scaled a 600-ft rock in Morro Bay to propose to his girlfriend via FaceTime. She said yes, but then her new fiance got stuck and had to be rescued by helicopter.
Guess she’s not marrying him for his brains.
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New York City is expecting snow this weekend. Who to blame? Maybe too many Republicans said hell would freeze over before they endorsed Ted Cruz for the Presidency?
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San Antonio rested their regulars tonight in Denver. Sometimes it’s good to be Gregg Popovich – having the Spurs kind of players probably means he doesn’t have to worry about them then overindulging in Colorado with room service brownies etc.
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The NFL released their preseason schedule today. Surprised ESPN didn’t devote a four-hour long show to it.
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A 28 year-old Texas middle school teacher has been arrested for sending nude photos to a former student, now in high school, on Snapchat. The boy reportedly deleted them but his friends sent screenshots around.
The woman was charged with misdemeanor distribution of harmful material to a minor. And presumably felony stupidity? #nothingisprivateontheinternet.
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Ted Cruz’s campaign manager said that if Donald Trump “doesn’t get over 50% in New York, he should probably consider dropping out.” Right, so how much did Ted Cruz get in Texas? 43.8%.
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The NFL released their preseason schedule today. Surprised ESPN didn’t devote a four-hour long show to it.
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Dianne Feinstein wrote an op-ed urging her colleagues to consider Judge Garland, saying his “long record of public service calls for fair consideration, open hearings and a vote. Refusal to do this would, in my judgment, only further diminish the Senate in the eyes of the American people.”
Although, really, can anyone further diminish the Senate than Ted Cruz?
Categories: Uncategorized
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April 7, 2016
Caught a five hour case of flu today. #Giantsfever. #BeatLA
#Dodgers team ERA for year just went from zero to over three in four innings #SFGiants #SFGiantsOpeningDay
San Diego heads to Coors Field without having scored a run in any of their first three games. Are the Padres trying to be the official MLB team of Coke Zero?
(Frank. W. says, “of course the Padres haven’t scored this season. Padres are supposed to be celibate.)
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Waiting for an atheist to file a “freedom from religion” lawsuit against playing “God Bless America” at baseball games #SFGiantsOpeningDay
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20,000 of Ivanka Trump’s branded scarves are being recalled due to a “burn risk.” But that’s not the interesting part, the Donald’s daughter has her scarves made in China. #onlylittlepeoplepaytariffs?
Wynn Resorts founder Steve Wynn reportedly told investors “Rich people only like being around rich people. Nobody likes being around poor people, especially poor people.” Hmm, is Wynn angling for a position in a possible Trump cabinet?
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Whole Foods is opening “Whole Foods 365” in Los Angeles this May. They say it will be their first “budget-friendly” store. So folks, we have a new nominee for 2016’s top oxymoron.
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In London, footage is circulating of a mysterious large shape apparently swimming in the Thames river, leading some to speculate about the Loch Ness Monster. It would of course, be inappropriate to make a Chris Christie on Spring Break joke.
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A recent poll found that Donald Trump is disliked by 7 out of 10 people. And Ted Cruz is thinking “amateur.”
Ted Cruz is not backing down from his “New York values” comment. Translation, Cruz knows he’ll lose New York and figures the criticism will help him in other states.
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Actually if Cruz really had the cojones to thumb his nose at New Yorkers he’d get photographed eating pizza with a fork.
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So all these Republicans who can’t stand Ted Cruz are supporting him because they hate Donald Trump more. Now, one question if he actually gets elected – how is the GOP going to find enough people to put up with him and serve in a Cruz cabinet?
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So the latest attack on Hillary Clinton is that she needed several swipes to get her Metrocard to work on the NY subway. You mean it’s possible to get it right on the first try?
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So I would take these “religious freedom” types much more seriously if, for example, before they served heterosexual couples they would require to prove they were married, to each other. And refused to bake wedding cakes for any couple who wouldn’t swear they were both virgins.
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Must be nice to be such a special snowflake that you can not only ignore the request on the train to turn cellphones to vibrate but you can keep a phone conversation going for a good 20 to 30 minutes. #sarcasm
#AmericanIdol reminds us on #IdolFinale of one reason the show is ending. #toomanywrongchoices #toomanyforgettablewinners
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cruz jokes, Giants jokes, god bless america jokes, Janice Hough, Padres jokes, SF Giants jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 6, 2016
So in 2016 what’s more likely in California? The #Warriors get to 73 wins? Or the #Padres get to 73 runs?
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#SDPadres are working on a three game scoreless streak to open 2016 season. Are they trying to become official #MLB team of #MLS Major League Soccer.
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Well, darn, the #SFGiants aren’t going to go 162-0. Probably better off not to tire them for the playoffs anyway.
Blue Jays manager John Gibbons complained after MLB’s new slide rule cost Toronto a run in a 5-3 loss to the Rays, “They’re trying to put dresses on us.” Uh, Gibbons, whine all you want. Then go watch “League of their Own” and find a new metaphor. #Theresnocryinginbaseball
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Rockies rookie SS Trevor Story is the first MLB player since 1900 to homer in his first three games. Even more amazing, Story hasn’t played at Coors Field yet.
Open note to @SenSanders & @HillaryClinton: Knock off the negativity. When #GOP is in a circus hole, stand back & watch them dig tent poles.
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Meanwhile, how powerful is #DonaldTrump? He’s managed to make #TedCruz seem like the more palatable GOP alternative.
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At a Texas elementary school, the principal has banned parents from setting foot on campus, meaning they can neither walk their kids to school nor pick them up, unless those parents wait in a long line in their cars. #ifonlytheywerearmed No, wait…. #cantfixstupid
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George Mason, whose law school wanted to honor the late Supreme Court Judge, has now switched its name to Antonin Scalia Law School. This after the internet pointed out the original change -the Antonin Scalia School of Law – was ASSLaw or ASSoL. Think they had it right the first time.
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No injuries were reported when Apple employee shuttle bus caught fire today on a freeway in Northern Calfornia at about 630a this morning. It’s actually a shocking story – there are computer geeks UP at 630a in the morning?
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Your daily dose of “blech”: Ann Coulter is now saying that Donald Trump will protect Americans from “Latin American rape culture.” Not sure which is harder to believe, that women would have affairs with Ted Cruz or that men of any culture would want Ann Coulter.
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Walt Disney World is now offering guests who pay an extra $69 per person ($59 for kids) the chance to enter the Magic Kingdom earlier and avoid some of the longest lines. Great, leaving aside the class divide aspect, now in the summer, we can look forward to even grouchier parents yelling at their hot and even tireder kids about how much money they spent and THEY.SHOULD.BE.HAVING.FUN.DAMMIT
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United Airlines is celebrating their 90th birthday. Curiously enough, that seems to be the same age as some of their planes.
Pfizer Inc, which had planned to avoid U.S. tax rates by merging with Allergan Plc, of Ireland, has scrapped the deal after the Treasury instituted new anti-inversion rules. I blame Obama.
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John Kasich can clinch the GOP nomination if he wins 125% of the remaining primary delegates. Well, math was always a liberal commie pinko concept anyway.
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In San Francisco, ParkingCupid, parking version of Airbnb is offering parking places in garages and driveways for up to $400 a month. At that price are customers allowed to sleep in their cars?
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Apple jokes, blue jays jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, MLB jokes, Padres jokes, primary jokes, scalia jokes, Texas jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 5, 2016
It’s only 1 game, but right this second #SFGiants not feeling too badly about losing out on Zack #Greinke & having to sign Johnny #Cueto
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Several Patriots fans are now suing the NFL and Roger Goodell over the league’s punishment for the Deflategate scandal. “Right, because that poor franchise never gets a break,” said nobody outside New England.
All the hype on Warriors network about upcoming #GoldenState #SanAntonio matchup Thurs. Right, Pop might even play one of #Spurs starters.
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In the first game of the season, Chase Utley has started another controversy with a slide that some thought was dirty at home plate. Well, if he makes a pattern of it, MLB won’t need a Chase Utley rule, as some pitcher will apply the Drysdale rule and put Utley on the DL.
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At Disneyland Paris, a worker was apparently electrocuted inside the Haunted Mansion ride. So sounds like they’ll have to update the French version of “999 happy haunts, but there’s always room for one more…” #Disneybustohell
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RNC Chairman Reince Priebus is now warning Trump that the Donald made a loyalty pledge to the eventual GOP Presidential nominee. Right, like that’s going to make any difference to the man who three times has said “Until death do us part.”
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Despite watching major backlash in Georgia and North Carolina, Mississippi’s governor Phil Bryant today signed a law allowing businesses to refuse service to gay couples based on employers’ religious beliefs. Maybe because Bryant figured no one from outside the state wants to do business or visit Mississippi anyhow?
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A man was arrested in Atherton, California for vandalism and trespassing after he spray-painted graffiti at various locations around town. Police were able to figure out it was him because the graffiti all included his NAME. #cantfixstupid
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In Alabama, a bipartisan group of legislators is moving to impeach Gov. Robert Bentley over a sex scandal over leaked tapes of his conversations with a female aide. Bentley is maintaining that despite the explicit nature of the tapes, that he never actually committed adultery. So the Governor’s DEFENSE is that he’s another politician who is all talk and no action.
A tale of two approaches to America’s problems. President Obama and the Treasury Dept are proposing tighting regulations on billion dollar corporate tax inversions, and Trump is going to build a wall by stopping poor illegals from sending some of their low wages back to Mexico.
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There’s a fair amount of media attention being paid to Bernie Sanders’ recent interview with the NY Daily News, during which he dodged questions, gave a lot of vague answers, and acted generally rather unaware. Well, maybe it’s all part of Bernie’s plan to go after Trump voters.
From Alex Kaseberg “North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-Un, has reportedly ballooned to over 300 pounds. He may have to change his name to Kim Jong-Christie.
(I’m thinking, or maybe Kim Jong-Un’s goal is to play third base for the Red Sox?)
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, baseball jokes, Giants jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, sanders jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
April 4, 2016
Ah yes, March Madness, when the bracket you actually thought about had UNC to win it all, and you suddenly jump up to 92nd percentile on the bracket where you just picked cats. #Villanova #Wildcats
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But come on, while CBS has the rights, the NCAA men’s championship game tonight was broadcast on… TBS? Sounds like the network is taking college basketball as seriously as the one-and-done players.
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SF Giants’ flight to Milwaukee was delayed over six hours yesterday. Hmm, maybe a little travel stress is better than batting practices for their hitters?
(12-3 win, with back-to-back-to-back home runs)
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Happy #SFGiants Opening Day. It’s partly cloudy about 60 degrees with a high of 68 in SF today, it’s 32 degrees with snow flurries and a high of 40 in Milwaukee. So who drew up this schedule anyway? #baseballshouldnotopenindoors
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Meanwhile, the Yankees-Astros opening game in New York was postponed today due to weather. What a shame. Too bad neither of these teams plays in a warm weather area. Oops, never mind.
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So with all these states talking about religious freedom, how long until some files a lawsuit demanding freedom FROM religion over “God Bless America” being played at so many MLB games?
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Congrats to #LosAngelesRams for winning their 1st pre-season game today against #SDChargers 15-0. Oh wait, never mind. #Dodgers #Padres
Even as a #SFGiants fan I must admit, when you give #Kershaw 15 runs he gives you a pretty good chance to win.
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So both the Indians and Yankees home openers were postponed due to weather. Meaning a lot of fans in Cleveland and New York will be trying to explain how that 24 hour flu is lingering a bit longer.
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The Oakland A’s Sonny Gray has been scratched for his opening night start due to food poisoning, this after he was hospitalized last year with salmonella. The A’s don’t just need a pitching coach, they need a food taster.
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The Raiders have signed Aldon Smith, who is currently serving a 1-year suspension for substance abuse, and has five arrests since he joined the NFL in 2011 – “I think in his heart he’s a good young man” Raiders coach Jack Del Rio.”
Now, wishing Smith the best, but it’s amazing how your chances of being considered “a good young man” go up when you’re a star pass-rusher.
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DE Greg Hardy was convicted of domestic violence in 2014, and pictures showed his ex-girlfriend with multiple bruises, but the case was overturned when the woman stopped cooperating with police. Now, Hardy said in an ESPN interview.”I’ve never put my hand on any women.” Even Bill Cosby is thinking this sounds disingenuous..
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New airlines excuse for the day. JetBlue flight delayed last night from New York to SF….because they put the WRONG FUEL in the plane? So apparently they had to drain it and refuel. Your move, United.
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In the 2016 Airline Quality Rating, Spirit Airlines led U.S. carriers in customer complaints. They might have had more, but given that it’s Spirit they probably charge passengers to complain.
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The Huffington Post is reporting Charles Koch is confident Paul Ryan could be the GOP Presidential nominee if Trump doesn’t get enough delegates. Well, and I am sure the Donald and his supporters will take that gracefully. #passthepopcorn
Electric automaker says they have had delayed deliveries of their Model S and X this quarter because of part shortages caused by “Tesla’s hubris.” Hmm, I thought the hubris was reserved for Tesla owners.
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, March madness jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, March madness jokes, MLB jokes, Opening day jokes, SFGiants jokes, villanova jokes, Voodcate ddoo caat does appr, Yankees jokes
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April 3, 2016
Two of the sweetest words in the English language – “Play Ball!”. #OpeningDay
Trump now says that John Kasich shouldn’t be allowed to run because he can’t win. Well, heck, the Cubs have been allowed to play baseball for the last century.
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Cardinals and Pirates opened up the MLB season today at PNC Park. Where the morning temperature was 33 degrees. Brrr… That’s almost as cold as a night game at Candlestick.
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Enjoyed the #WorldSeries, but anyone but me thinks interleague play on #OpeningDay sucks?
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PNC Park in Pittsburgh will be selling a new all-beef hot dog with Cracker Jack, macaroni and cheese, salted caramel sauce and fried jalapenos, on naan bread. The first ballpark food designed specifically to be sold to people who lose a bet?
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Stephen Schwartz, who composed “Wicked” and other Broadway hits, has banned his shows being produced in North Carolina because of the new anti-LGBT law, and wants others to join him. But really, can you actually put on a Broadway show without the LGBT community?
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Last night soccer star Abby Wambach was arrested for DUI in Oregon. Who says women athletes will never be the equals of men? Sigh.
(But to give Wambach credit, she posted about it on FB today with a full apology and no excuses…. that is not equal to many male athletes.)
Thon Baker, 19, a 7-ft tall basketball star from the Sudan, who graduated high school in Canada, has announced he will enter the NBA draft. What a shame, Baker could be missing some of the best months of his life in college.
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Marijuana advocates had a massive joint smoking rally outside the White House yesterday calling for legalization. Why stop there? Make pot smoking mandatory for Congress. #maybethentheycouldallgetalong
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The Golden State Warriors trailed after the first quarter against the Portland Trail Blazers, but then went on 6-0 run at end of 2nd quarter to lead by 7 at the half. And pulled away to win by 25. Worried Golden State fans were beginning to think team was mortal.
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The D.C. Madam’s lawyer says that her client records are online and could be released in 72 hours. As if this election wasn’t enough fun already?
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Oklahoma lost by 44 yesterday to Villanova. On a brighter note for Buddy Hield, at least he got a little practice in how games might be next year if he is drafted by the Lakers.
Donald Trump now says the current laws on abortion should remain unchanged. Give the Donald credit, most politicians take years to cover every side of an issue, he’s done it in less than a week.
Categories: baseball jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Cubs jokes, interleague jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, Opening day jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 2, 2016
New York City has an NBA store where you can get gear from all teams. Now I understand home team, and various bandwagons, and of course super stars. But buying 76ers’ stuff to wear? Shot glasses maybe.
Ben & Jerry’s is introducing a new “Bernie’s Yearning” ice cream flavor. So will it sound incredibly sweet but cost a LOT more than you expect?
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The Cleveland Indians said they are keeping but downplaying their Chief Wahoo logo. Yet, another instant of Native Americans being treated like second-class citizens?
The Warriors lost on a night they committed 22 turnovers and their shooting was less magnificent than usual…. to a team from Boston. Hmm, before the game did anyone see the Patriots ball boys?
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Meanwhile, the Spurs went to a team record 64th win and 39 at home.
The Spurs may end up being the best runner-up NBA team ever. But right now anyone want to second-guess LaMarcus Aldridges’s decision to turn down Los Angeles in favor of San Antonio?
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President Obama says that Donald Trump “doesn’t understand foreign policy or the world in general.” The problem here might be assuming that Trump supporters think that’s a bad thing.
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So after an 8 year investigation, Syracuse’s men’s basketball was banned from the 2015 postseason and coach Jim Boeheim suspended for nine games this season. The violations included violating drug testing, having others do coursework for athletes, and boosters paying thousands to athletes….
But hey, losing in the Final Four to North Carolina. Sounds like the program has really paid the price. .
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Tim Tebow this week talked about potentially being interested in running for political office. And if this presidential primary season has taught us anything, it’s that Tebow could be a far less dangerous risk as an elected official as he could be a quarterback.
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The Broncos and 49ers are apparently close to agreeing on a deal for Colin Kaepernick. Well, Denver has already proven they can win without a QB.-
American Idol has revealed their final three. Are we talking contestants or viewers?
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April 1, 2016
Today’s quote from Warriors owner Joe Lacob: “We’ve crushed them on the basketball court, and we’re going to for years because of the way we’ve built this team. We’re light-years ahead of probably every other team in structure, in planning, in how we’re going to go about things. We’re going to be a handful for the rest of the N.B.A. to deal with for a long time.”
H&M had an April Fool’s Joke of a Mark Zuckerberg fashion line – seven gray t-shirts and one pair of jeans, for men who want to make as “few decisions as possible.”
How many million men actually saw that and said “Sounds good to me
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Parts of the D.C. Metro might have to close for months for repairs. Which could bring productivity in the city down to a crawl – making all Washingtonians honorary members of Congress?
Two people in an SUV who were fleeing police died when they ended up on a Naval Base in Lemoore, California, and crashed into the tail of a F-18 Fighter Jet. Proving again, while terrorism is real, for real and regular damage you can’t beat old fashioned stupidity.
Tiger Woods has announced he will skip the Masters. Woods must be really tired if he figures he can’t play golf for two days.
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And then there’s Kylie Irving, who says he still thinks the Cavs “are the team to beat” in the postseason. Did they legalize marijuana in Ohio and not tell us?
Former Stanford star and current USF women’s basketball coach Jennifer Azzi tonight came out as gay at a dinner honoring Warriors President Rick Welts, and announced that she is married, to a woman who is one of her assistant coaches.
Well, good for Azzi.. And it will be even better when this sort of thing is no longer considered newsworthy.
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Canada will have no teams in the NHLplayoffs for the first time since 1970. Now, hockey is the Canadian national sport, but before we in the U.S. feel too sorry for them, remember, their leader going forward is Justin Trudeau, and we have….. Sigh.
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A new Gallup poll says that 7 out of 10 women in the U.S. have an unfavorable view of Donald Trump. Shocking. 3 out of 10 actually like him?
My friend Steven Harmon wants to start a pool on when Donald Trump pulls out. I just wish Trump’s dad had.
From Marc Ragovin: NY Mets pitcher Matt Harvey has been told to urinate more frequently to prevent the bladder infection that nearly derailed his opening day start. When asked what changes he might now have to make to his routine as the season progresses, Harvey said he will “just go with the flow.”
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March 31, 2016
As the D’Angelo Russell videotape story grows, Lakers fans have to be thinking nostalgically back to the days when their team was just embarrassing ON the court.
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The NCAA is apologizing for a “clerical error” which resulted in an “errant text” sent to South Carolina saying that they were had been selected for the men’s basketball tournament. No word on if such a text went to any other teams who didn’t really get in, like the Philadelphia 76ers.
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The Red Sox have announced that Travis Shaw will start Opening Day at third base over Pablo Sandoval. The Panda’s response “It’s going to be difficult, but I have to be happy. [Shaw] has had a fantastic spring. I’ll just focus on working hard.”
Uh, if Sandoval had been focused on working hard, he’d probably be starting.
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Mattel has apparently lost over $3 million that they wired in response to a fake email from China. Hmm. Wonder if it’s too late for the company to put the brakes on “Nigerian Princess Barbie?”
In Alabama, a husband and wife who both teach at the same private school were both arrested for having sex with students. Of course, being Alabama have to wonder how many people are going
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Sarah Palin says her husband Todd is back home “on the couch” recovering from his snowmobile accident injuries. So is he helping her keep an eye on Russia?
So apparently Bachelor Ben and his fiancee Lauren are having issues. Ah for those more innocent days when train wrecks on reality TV would only result in broken hearts rather than potential leaders of the free world.
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John Kasich today in a New York press conference listed “five things that continue to prove that Donald Trump is clearly not prepared to be President of the United States, commander in chief, leader of the free world.”
One of the easiest jobs in the world this fall, on the other hand, might be doing commercials for the Democratic Presidential nominee #workisbeingdoneforyou
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Some days you wonder whether Donald Trump really wants to say “Just kidding, folks, I don’t want to be President.” On the subject of Muslims , he mentioned he had Muslim friends “”In most cases, they’re very rich Muslims, OK?” Then when Chris Matthews asked about them entering the U.S. “They’ll come in. And you’ll have exceptions.”
Right, because there’s no way ISIL could make a terrorist look rich?
(and my friend Tom Dodd points out that Osama Bin Laden came from a wealthy family.)
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Another day, another random mass shooting in America. Think I’ve got this down: If the dead suspect is Muslim it’s terrorism, if he’s Christian, especially if he’s white, it’s mental illness.
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Today’s first installment in “How low can you go” – aka the GOP Primary: Ted Cruz on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” about Trump “I were in my car and getting ready to reverse and saw Donald in the backup camera, I’m not confident which pedal I would push.”
And the second from the GOP campaign
#howlowcanyougo, “Mr. Lovable,” Ted Cruz is having his campaign question John Kasich’s 500 signatures submitted to qualify for the Montana ballot., Yes, 500, and apparently Kasich submitted 622….
Ted Cruz won a court case in Pennsylvania challenging his US citizenship. Maybe because Canada now disowns him?
Categories: GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, mattel jokes, primary jokes, Trump jokes
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March 31, 2016
Remember the good old days when people thought California was nuts because we elected someone as flamboyant and inexperienced as Arnold Schwarzenegger? #quaint
Some don’t want to vote for Hillary because they say she is a liar. But then they say they’ll vote for Trump despite the crazy things he says because he doesn’t really mean them. #WTF?
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But okay, at a town hall today, Donald Trump, who has been saying abortions should be outlawed, and now he added women who have abortions should face “some form of punishment.”
Okay, Bernie and Hillary fans, still thinking of not voting for a Democrat if your candidate doesn’t win?
Donald Trump has said and then walked back his first comments that a person having an abortion should be punished. He’s now saying those performing abortions “would be held legally responsible.”
Did Trump just remember that women are allowed to vote?
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Ted Cruz is apparently leading the GOP polls in Wisconsin. Amazing for someone who even the Senator from neighboring Minnesota would say about “You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it…. no, people DON’T like you.”
So now Trump says it’s not the woman having the abortion who would be punished, but the person performing the abortion? Uh, so the doctor, or the pharmacist prescribing the morning-after pill, a nurse who might give a woman the pill? All of them? #secondversesameasthefirstlittlebitlouderandalittlebitworse
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A New Orleans voodoo priest, known as Zaar, says he believes ” , that the NBA Pelicans “are jinxed, for lack of a better word. I think there’s a negative energy that keeps surrounding them.”
Hmm, might this be an explanation for what’s been happening to the 49ers since they beat the Saints in the 2012 playoffs?
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Apparently Lakers rookie D’Angelo Russell secretly recorded a conversation between teammate Nick Young and himself, talking about women Young had sex with who weren’t his fiancee. And now the video has gone viral. And just think, some Lakers fans asked after that 48 point loss to the Jazz, “Can it get any worse?
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A recent poll said that even 34% of DEMOCRATS want to ban Muslims from entering the country. Wonder how many of those kind people are of Italian, German, or Asian descent?
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Donald Trump campaigning in Wisconsin says “we’re going to win so much we’re sick of it.” Got news for him, most of us are already sick of it.
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Amazing, United has fares from SF to Chicago for about $118. And then adding “economy plus” seating adds $143. $169 for exit row. Uh, maybe people just need to start buying two seats?
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March 29, 2016
Nice “aww” story, A young boy ran on the basketball court in New Orleans to give Carmelo Anthony a hug. Of course, it could have ended badly – the kid could have dunked on the Knicks.
UConn women’s basketball team is so dominant, that it’s become controversial whether or not they are good for the sport. Perhaps after the season the Lady Huskies should be forced to play a team more on their level – like the Lakers. (or Knicks or Lakers)
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The Pelicans had SEVEN injured players for their game against the Knicks Monday, and New Orleans still won, 99-91. Wow. Carmelo and the team didn’t need a hug for that performance, they needed a time-out.
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The FBI is dropping their sui against Apple because they say they have cracked the San Bernandino terrorist’s iPhone. So they finally tried “password1234″” instead of “password123”?
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Donald Trump’s campaign manager was charge with battery after an incident when he grabbed a woman reporter earlier this month. Although knowing Trump supporters they’ll probably just take it as a positive sign that the Donald will be tough on the media.
#DougFlutie‘s “Hail Mary” 1984 pass is almost as much of a miracle as the fact he’s gotten me to watch #DWTS
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An Indian company. Bakeys, has developed edible, compostable cutlery, made of rice, millet and wheat, offered in sweet, savory, or plain flavors. The utensils even work for hot items, including soup. Only problem going forward in the U.S? At places like Taco Bell they may taste better than the food.
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Wish this were the Onion: A company has reportedly come up with a handgun that looks like a Smartphone and unfolds to fire. #Whatcouldpossiblygowrong?
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R.I.P Patty Duke, 69. Does it mean you’re old when you remember when 69 was old.
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In Northern California, a man who left his dog in his car when he had to spend a night in jail, has now pleaded no contest to animal cruelty and has been sentenced to 24 days MORE in jail. The sentence begins presumably after he finds a dogsitter?
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A new app, Daily Joints, wants to be Tinder for marijuana users. With the added advantage that if it doesn’t work out, you don’t remember who you hooked up with anyway.
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The NFL apparently wants a retraction from the New York Times about a story claiming concussion cases were omitted when the league downplayed the effects of head injuries on players.
Politico reports a letter sent from the NFL to the paper says the story is “false and defamatory.” Like the Pentagon Papers?
Are you listening, Susan Sarandon? Even the church of baseball has some absolutes.
There are rumors that several Cuban migrants who were rescued from a raft off the Florida coast with gunshot wounds may have shot themselves in order to be taken to U.S. hospitals and thus given asylum. And Trump really thinks a wall will stop desperate people?
Categories: GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: DWTS jokes, fbi jokes, flutie jokes, Janice Hough, Knicks jokes, Lakers jokes, password jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 28, 2016
The #Lakers lost tonight to the #Jazz 123-75. So real question of the night – how did #LA ever beat the #Warriors?
#Texas women’s basketball team lost to #UConn “only” 86-65. So maybe a moral victory? Kind of like the Alamo? #MarchMadness
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You think just MAYBE Roy Williams has his #UNC Tarheels doing drills on how to beat the press? #FinalFour #Syracuse
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#Virginia lost 15 point lead to Syracuse yesterday in under 4 min. Cavaliers hadn’t suddenly looked that bad since 2007 when #Cleveland was swept by the #Spurs
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Dirk Nowitzki, 37, told ESPN that he’s thought about playing beyond his contract that ends with Dallas in 2017. Well, by then Dirk might almost be old enough to sign with the Spurs.
Colts owner Jim Irsay is now saying of football “”I believe this: That the game has always been a risk, you know…. You take an aspirin and I take an aspirin. It might give you extreme side effects of illness and your body . . . may reject it, where I would be fine.”
Hmm, looks like not only can you get CTE from playing football, you can get it from owning a team.
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A new biography says that Kris Jenner helped her daughter Kim Kardashian leak her sex tape. “I’m shocked,” said nobody.
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All of these “urgent” fundraising emails saying “we’re almost at our goal.” Just once I would like to get an email saying “Thanks, we made our goal and we don’t need any money.” #wecandream
Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal, a Republican, vetoed a “religious freedom” bill that had many businesses, movie studios and even the NFL up in arms over it being discriminatory against LGBTs. He said the bill was “unnecessary,” and “allowed outsiders to cast doubt on the character of Georgia and Georgians.”
And guessing Deal had billion$ of other rea$on$.
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Donald Trump, when asked on a Wisconsin radio about disparaging women “But certainly I never thought I would run for office.”
Right, so he gets a clean slate? But did he forgot about that 2000 campaign?
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U.S. shooting suspect Larry Dawson apparently disrupted a Congressional hearing last fall, saying he was a “prophet of God.” And so he has been different from Ted Cruz how?
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Another of those stories you can’t make up. Alabama Governor Robert Bentley denies an affair, despite recently released recordings where he talks about kissing his advisor and about her breasts. Well, Bentley’s a BIble-thumper kind of guy -so maybe he was reading her the Song of Solomon?
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Anthony Weiner said to Huffington Post “I’m probably the best campaign politician you’ll ever interview. I mean, I’m like perfectly evolved. I’m like the Arnold Schwarzenegger, Terminator…”
Hmm, does that mean there’s a kid with one of his housekeepers somewhere?
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From T.C. “A North Carolina man was arrested for failing to return a VHS rental tape from 14 years ago to a now defunct video store. The outstanding fine is $200. On top of that, there’s a 50 cent fee if he didn’t rewind it.”
Categories: GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Irsay jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, March madness jokes, robert bentley jokes, Syracuse jokes, Trump jokes, virginia jokes, Warriors jokes
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March 27, 2016
Wonder how many sports fans decided to turn off the Syracuse Virginia game late in favor of sitting down to Easter dinner with their families #neveragain
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This might have been the most abject & complete surrender with #VIrginia not at the Appomattox Court House. #MarchMadness #Syracuse
Silver lining for today’s Syracuse-Virginia game: Alums of Northern Iowa no longer have to be known for the biggest late choke job in the 2016 #MarchMadness tournament.
So who is happier after Syracuse’s amazing comeback today against Virginia. Stunned Syracuse alums? Or North Carolina fans who suddenly see their way a bit clearer to the finals? #iftheydontfreakoutoverapress
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#Virginia got outscored 28-8 in the last 9 minutes of game. With shooting like that they’ll be getting a post-game call from Dick Cheney?
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Stanford women lost today in the Elite Eight of the NCAA women’s basketball tournament. But this would all be more interesting if the end goal wasn’t simply to get into the finals and be destroyed by UConn. #dominance
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#Microsoft is rumored to be thinking of buying #Yahoo. The computer industry version of two wrongs trying to make a right?
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A proposed new law in New Jersey would make it illegal to text and walk on public sidewalks and roads. Isn’t this a violation of our American rights to go for Darwin awards?
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“Batman vs. Superman” has gotten horrible reviews, but apparently still has made almost $200 million on its opening weekend. When asked what they thought of the plot, most moviegoers responded “Plot?”
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The Rolling Stones just had a free concert in Havana. Cubans loved it. Watching Mick Jagger and Keith Richards on stage made them think their cars really aren’t that old by comparison.
John Kasich today said that the families of presidential candidates to stay “off-limits.” “You cannot get these attacks on families There’s got to be some rules.”
And Hillary’s spouse is thinking “Sounds good to me.”
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Donald Trump says if elected he would cut down on his use of Twitter “I’m not going to be doing it very much as president. I will act to protect our country, whether that’s counterpunching or not.”
But what about protecting our country’s comedy writers?
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NBC News foreign affairs correspondent Andrea Mitchell says Donald Trump is “completely uneducated about any part of the world.”
And many Trump supporters are going- she says that like it’s a bad thing?
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Bernie Sanders is sending emails complaining about how “obscene” it is for Hillary Clinton to attend a charity event with George Clooney with a $353,400 price tag per couple to be at the head table. Fair enough, but a- the price to attend the dinner is “only” $33,400, and b- not like Bernie himself is turning down big $$$ celebrity donations. #allmoneyistainted
Categories: March madness jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Batman jokes, Clinton jokes, Cuba jokes, Easter jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, superman jokes, Syracuse jokes, virginia jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 