Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category
May 25, 2016
Many Millennials may not remember Ken Starr’s relentless pursuit of Bill Clinton over his affair with Monica Lewinsky. Now Starr has reportedly been fired as President of Baylor University, over sexual assault allegations involving the football team.
Mean bitch karma for yet another win.
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Understand the frustration of Sanders supporters with the Democratic primary process and rules. But on the other hand, Bernie became a Democrat less than a year ago. It’s kind of like starting to play a sport for the first time and then complaining that you are being penalized or getting fouls called on you because you didn’t read the rule book. #stopwhining
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NFL chose #Atlanta over #NewOrleans for 2019 #SuperBowl. “Because we’d all so much rather spend #SuperBowlWeek in Atlanta” said nobody.
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The #SFGiants placed Angel #Pagan on the DL for the first time in 2016. So congrats to all those who had May 14 in the pool.
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So now it’s #VinceFoster. Can we start a poll on which ancient Clinton conspiracy theory #Trump will bring up next?
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Stephen A. Smith apologized to “all Canada, Canadians everywhere” for predicting that the Raptors would lose Monday. Now, when is he going to apologize to Americans everywhere for being Stephen A. Smith?
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The TSA has fired their director. Wonder how long he’ll have to wait for his severance check.
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Buffalo Bills general manager Doug Whaley said in a radio interview about football “Injuries are part of it. It’s a violent game that I personally don’t think humans are supposed to play.”
Waiting to see how much Roger Goodell fines him for this
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NPR is reporting that because Uber’s app goes into power saving mode when you are running low on battery, they can tell when your phone is about to die, and they know you are then more likely to accept surge pricing. But of course the ride-sharing company would never raise prices in such a situation, said no one.
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Presidential comment – Donald Trump has succeeded because he “tapped a waiting reservoir there of inherent racism.” Well, of course that’s what a black man like Obama would say. Except the comment is from Jimmy Carter. #southernman
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A new report says that Donald Trump sued Deutsche Bank to try to get out of $40 million in personal loans he’d used to build the Chicago Trump International Hotel. Trump claimed he couldn’t repay those loans because the 2008 financial collapse was an act of God. Huh…an “act of God?” Well, surely now he will claim it was Hillary’s fault.
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Playoffs ended too soon for Tim Duncan but Spurs maybe feeling a little less humiliated losing to 3 seed #Thunder. #GSWvsOKC #buzzsaw
#MattHarvey is still strugging for the #NYMets. Maybe #Mets should consider a straight up trade for #JakePeavy with #SFGiants?
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Rick #Santorum has endorsed #DonaldTrump. Well the Donald should be thrilled to pick up both Santorum supporters.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, ken starr jokes, NFL jokes, raptors jokes, sanders jokes, SF Giants jokes, TSA jokes
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May 23, 2016
#NBA had to decide whether or not to suspend #DraymondGreen over groin kick of #StevenAdams. So once again a playoff game could have turned on deflated balls
New #Warriors cheer? – “Raa Raa REE! Kick ’em in the knee! Raa Raa RASS! Kick ’em in the other knee!” #DraymondGreen
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With the NBA upgrading Green’s kicking Adams to a Flagrant 2 foul, since Draymond also had a flagrant 1 vs. the Rockets, he is now one more flagrant foul of any kind away from suspension. But I am sure the Thunder won’t try to provoke him
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As #Spurs fan, have no dog in this fight, or rather in this kick. But does anyone really expect #DraymondGreen to say ” Of course I meant to kick him in the nuts.”
I guess someone forgot to tell the Toronto Raptors that the Eastern Conference NBA finals were over after game 2.
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But uh oh, tonight refs called a foul on #LeBronJames. Time for a congressional investigation? #CAVSvRAPTORS
Can only imagine how much the #NBA and its advertisers love the possibility of #Raptors vs #Thunder in the finals.
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Donald Trump says climate change is a “con job” and a “hoax.” But as reported by Politico, in Ireland, he wants to build a “nearly two-mile-long” stone wall to protect his golf course and hotel, citing “rising sea levels and increased storm frequency and wave energy associated with global warming.” #nowallleftunbuilt #NottheOnion
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Former Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell is still free on bail while appealing his felony convictions. Now current Gov. Terry McAuliffe is apparently being investigated by the FBI over possible illegal donations to his campaign. Who does the state think it is? Illinois?
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Your US post office in action. Mailing a first class 2 ounce parcel is $2.45 with tracking. Took a letter to the post office and asked if that was the cheapest way to get tracking. Nope. Must be first class certified for $3.77. Asked why I couldn’t do it as a parcel. Because it’s not in a big enough envelope. #cantfixstupid
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United Airlines is having a sale on miles. Not buying them, but simply transferring miles you have paid for and earned to another person as a gift. It’s 30% off the normal price of $15 per 1,000 miles. And airlines wonder why we hate them.
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Tom Brady’s 4-game “deflategate” suspension has already been revoked by the U.S. District Court, then reinstated, and now the Patriots’ QB and his team of laywers want the case heard “by a full panel of 13 judges on the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.” If they reject it, the appeal could go all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court.
Forget deflating footballs, can we suspend Brady for criminal waste of taxpayer money?
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Apparently one of the excuses for killing those Santiago zoo lions when a man jumped into their enclosure was that since the lions had tasted a human, they’d look at humans as a food source in the future. Got news for these folks, if you jump into a lion’s home, you ARE a food source.
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From Marc Ragovin “A 54-year old custodian at Wooster Polytechnic Institute graduated from the school this past week with a degree in mechanical engineering. And after reading about the job prospects for 54-year old mechanical engineers, he returned to his job as custodian..
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cavaliers jokes, draymond green jokes, flagrant foul jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Thunder jokes, Tom Brady jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
May 22, 2016
Thousands of San Francisco fans who went to the Giants Cubs game and felt bad about missing the #Warriors vs #Thunder are feeling a lot better about their decision
And a national #ESPN audience just found out why #SFGiants mantra is #WedontneednostinkinDH #Madbum #Pitcherswhorake
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Meanwhile, Buster Olney reported on ESPN that today was the latest date in the MLB season since 1947 for the Cubs and Giants to play each other with both teams in first place. Once again, hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse.
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But Billy Donovan works all year to get the Thunder focused. And looks like – for now – what it really took was Draymond Green’s kick to Steven Adam’s groin.
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Dodgers win 9-5 in 17 innings over the Padres. San Diego then gets on a plane to San Francisco, where they play the Giants tomorrow. Pitcher Drew Pomeranz is starting. Assume he’s been told he’s pitching a complete game.
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So is there a 17th inning stretch? #Dodgers #Padres
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Not to say Lebron flopped Saturday night, but he fell faster and harder without a serious hit than Jeb Bush’s one-time poll numbers.
Still kind of a surfeit of riches in the SF Bay Area, with the Warriors and Sharks in the playoff semi-finals, and the Giants in first place. Fortunately for fans of humility, the 49ers’ training camp is right around the corner.
When I see all these #GameofThrones posts I understand how my non-sports fan friends must feel about all my sports posts.
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A two-day sting in Simpsonville, S.C., netted 54 arrests, 28 accused prostitutes and 26 men accused of soliciting them. Simpsonsville has a population of about 20,000. There really must not be much to do in town.
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Two Tennessee pastors were arrested this weekend for answering an online ad to have sex with an underage girl. So add another category to those we want to keep out of public bathrooms?
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From T.C. “Phil Mickelson is planning to change that KPMG hat that he wears to KMPG – Keep My Personal Gains.”
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Okay, time for one of those serious snarky posts again. Americans are nervous about terrorism, and we give up a lot of our liberties and spend billions for safety. Yet, in the U.S. last year, over 1,000 women were killed as a result of domestic violence. Where’s the fear, outrage, and $$$$?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bumgarner jokes, Cubs jokes, Dodgers jokes, groingate, Janice Hough, kickgate, NBA jokes, Thunder jokes, Warriors jokes
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May 21, 2016
Today was the #Preakness. Otherwise known to millions as the race that answers the question. “Do we care about the #Belmont this year?”
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#Exaggerator wins the #Preakness. Hope this isn’t an omen about #DonaldTrump
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Saturday’s rainy #Preakness Stakes had almost as much mud flying around as the Presidential race.
Now that #Exaggerator has won the #Preakness is he telling other horses about the #Belmont and his potential #TripleCrown win?
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While the Preakness was a good race, the sad story at Pimlico was that two other horse died earlier at the track today, one from a heart attack after winning a race, one after falling and breaking her leg. But wonder how many people are decrying horse racing while taking another bite of their hamburger or hot dog.
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The Oklahoma legislature is calling for the impeachment of President Obama over his bathroom rights directive, which they say is “biblically wrong.” Fine then, if it’s all about morals, shouldn’t they also be trying to get that “I’m just a girl who can’t say no” song out of their state musical? #OklahomanotOK
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Apparently some Americans are rethinking travel to Europe in the wake of 66 people being killed in the Egypt Air crash. So they’ll stay home and drive this summer, where about 3,000 of us will get killed each month on the roads.
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Another day, more plumbing issues at O.co Coliseum before #As #Yankees game. Insert “sh*tty baseball teams” joke here”:
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A Willie Mays 1952 Topps rookie card just sold for $478,000 at auction. And millions of men thinking of their own childhood collections are silently screaming “Mom!!”
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Have many wonderful #Cubs fan friends. For some reason they are a little quieter today than yesterday. #SFGiants
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Matt Cain, who hadn’t had a win since last July, had his first win for the #SFGiants in 2016, along with his first hit, a two-run double. And the Giants hung on to win 5-3 So clearly the way Cain needs to win is simply supply his own RBIs.
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Although closer Santiago Casilla, who gave up a home run to start the 9th in a a 5-2 game, once again did his best to stimulate alcohol sales around the San Francisco Bay Area. #Torture #SFGiants
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In Santiago, two zoo lions were shot and killed after they mauled a man who jumped into their enclosure. Poor cats. And what a shame. Deprived the guy of a Darwin and the zoo of a reduced food bill.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, belmont jokes, Cubs jokes, exaggerator jokes, Janice Hough, oklahoma jokes, Preakness jokes, SFGiants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 21, 2016
On the app “Whisper” Disney employees have shared confessions. including that “Have a magical day” actually means “Go f*ck yourself.”
And millions of southern women are going “Really? How nice.”
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Today is the Preakness. Otherwise known for millions of Americans as the two minutes in sports that tells us “So do we care about the Belmont this year?” #TripleCrown
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In off-season workouts, the Pittsburgh Steelers are using with robotic tackling dummies which can simulate NFL players. So are these also the first robots that can get themselves arrested.
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Just when you think it can’t get any weirder. Mark Cuban now says he’s “wide open to considering” being Hillary Clinton’s running mate #beammeupScottytheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet
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After basically dispatching his rivals, Donald Trump has made Hillary Clinton his number one target, referring to her as “Crooked Hillary.” This following “Lyin’ Ted”, “Little Marco,” etc. Is Trump running for President of the U.S. or President of his son’s fifth grade class?
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Rough spring for #MattHarvey. Who knew that the only thing rising about this #DarkKnight would be his ERA. #Mets
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Maroon 5 has canceled their upcoming concerts in North Carolina, prompting an angry response from the Governor’s office. Shocking. Not that Gov. McCory wants to lose concert revenue, but that he’s apparently more upset about losing Maroon 5 than Bruce Springsteen.
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Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin , who is extremely pro-life/anti-choice, nonetheless vetoed a bill today that would have made it a felony for doctors to perform abortion. Falin said it was because the bill was “ambiguous and so vague” But guessing she had million$ of other rea$on$.
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A unidentified suspect with a gun who might have been trying to get into the #WhiteHouse was shot today. Say, has anyone seen #TedCruz?
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Meanwhile, despite divisions, the GOP appears to be falling more or less in line behind Donald Trump, while the Democratic party appears more fractured than ever. So much for those who thought that at least Ralph Nader would be a teachable moment. #whenwillweeverlearn
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To speed up games, MLB may change the lower part of the strike to the top of the hitter’s knees. Fine, that’s the lower part – anyone remember seeing a strike actually called at the letters though?
Categories: Uncategorized
Comments: 2 Comments
May 19, 2016
It’s a strange world when the U.S. Presidential candidate who has been married three times and had countless affairs is attacking the marriage of the one who has been with the same spouse for 41 years.
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Evil thought for the night, when is someone going to ask Trump if he’s been faithful to Melania?
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Two people are recovering in Augusta, Kansas, after a shooting during a high school graduation. The “shooter” had his gun in his sock, it apparently went off accidentally when he was adjusting the weapon because it was uncomfortable. #ifonlythestudentswerearmed
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Just think, had their offers been accepted #SFGiants could have both #PabloSandoval & #ZackGreinke on this year’s payroll.
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After two complete games back to back for the SF Giants pitching staff, Jeff Samardzija goes 8 innings allowing only 1 earned run. Wimp.
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#SFGiants bullpen pitchers are a competitive group. So no doubt they are keeping focused – wonder who’s the current Angry Birds champion?
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Two SF Giants, Lopez and Span, will be serving as baristas for an hour at two Peet’s coffee locations in San Francisco on June 7. Of course, this being the high-tech community no doubt some customers will only wonder “how fast can they serve coffee?
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When the Braves fired manager Fredi Gonzalez, he found out about it mid-road trip, via an email saying he had a flight back to Atlanta the next day. Sounds like the team handled the firing about as well as they’ve handled everything else this season.
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A new poll found that 90% of Native Americans aren’t offended by the Washington Redskins’ nickname. 90% of Washingtonians, however, are offended by the team’s sh*tty play.
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#MorleySafer 84, has died. Sad. He only lasted about 60 minutes after retirement.
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Donald Trump will use lawyer A.B. Culvahouse Jr to vet his V.P. picks, the same lawyer who vetted options for John McCain in 2008. And that worked out so well….
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Donald Trump, quick to condemn the Egypt Air crash as another terrorist attack. Seems likely. But “airplane departed from Paris. When will we get tough, smart and vigilant?”
So now Trump is going to tell these other countries he insults how to run their security?
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A lawsuit claims that Facebook illegally scans private messages for marketing purposes. And this is news how? #therearenoprivatemessages
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The Oklahoma legislature has passed that would make performing an abortion, except to save the life of the mother, a felony.
Well, at least the way the Thunder played last night doesn’t look like sports fans will have to worry much longer about spending money in the state this spring.
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Well, it’s good to see Marco Rubio back working hard in the Senate. The Florida Legislature wants a new statue, replacing one of a Confederate Army general, at the U.S. Capitol building. And Rubio tweeted out ““Here’s suggestion for #Florida which looking 4 help replacing state statue in U.S. Capitol.” With a picture of Tim Tebow. #priorities
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From T.C. “Texas second baseman Rougned Odor was handed an eight game suspension for his part in the brawl vs the Blue Jays. This will give him enough time to sign an endorsement contract with Hawaiian Punch.
Not to be outdone, look for Jose Baustista to sign a contract with Odor Eaters.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Braves jokes, Clinton jokes, gun jokes, Janice Hough, morley safer jokes, Rubio jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 18, 2016
MLB commissioner Rob Manfred says he is not happy with the longer length of games in 2016, about 7 minutes longer than last season, and will be looking at all kinds of ways to speed things up. Well, except possibly reducing the length of time for commercials.
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Lenny Dykstra, says now about the prevalence of HGH and competing with other players “I put (HGH) in my cereal man. It was in my cereal. We’re talking about the good stuff.”
So guess we are talking “Snap, crack and pop one out of here?”
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Watching quirky & wonderful @JohnnyCueto on the mound, doesn’t it seem like he should have always been wearing orange & black? #SFGiants
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#ESPN reporting that Jeff #Hornacek will be New York #Knicks new interim coach.
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Lebron James: “I have no idea what a common foul and flagrant foul is.” Based on this postseason, neither do NBA refs.
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#Thunder go faster than maybe any #NBA team from looking like team that could beat anyone to team who couldn’t beat the #76ers. #GSWvsOKC
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To mollify conservatives, Donald Trump has released a list of 11 possible Supreme Court appointees. Right. Note the term “possible.” Doesn’t mean he wouldn’t end up choosing Judge Judy.
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Donald Trump, comparing U.S. cities to Iraq. “There are places in America that are among the most dangerous places on earth. You go to places like Oakland…”
So here’s Oakland mayor Libby Schaff “Let me be clear, regarding @nytimes story, the most dangerous place in America is Donald Trump’s mouth.” Three word hashtag #yougogirl
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So maybe the #NeverTrump and #NeverHillary people can get together for lunch? With plenty of whine.
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Bartolo Colon is being sued for child support by a woman who alleges he has fathered two children with her, while being married to his wife for 21 years. With this and his home run, Colon seems to be trying really hard to debunk the notion that pitchers aren’t athletes.
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A Fox News poll found that voters U.S voters think that both Trump and Clinton have “flawed characters.” With all due respect, considering the insanity that is the modern electoral process, not to mention the polarization in Washington, hard to imagine anyone without a somewhat “flawed character” or at least a bit of insanity, wanting to run for President.
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from Marc Ragovin – “Donald Trump has released a list of 11 potential Supreme Court nominees if he is elected. Mitch McConnell has called for immediate confirmation hearings.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bartolo Colon jokes, baseball jokes, fox jokes(Megy, Janice Hough, PED jokes, sanders jokes, Trump jokes
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May 18, 2016
Dear Gawd. This actual tweet from Texas Gov. Greg Abbott. “JFK wanted to send a man to the moon. Obama wants to send a man to the women’s restroom. We must get our country back on track. ”
Well, I can think of one man I’d love to send to the moon. And Abbott can take Ted Cruz with him.
Dikembe Mutombo tweeted out congratulations to the 76ers on winning the NBA draft lottery. Before the lottery happened. Well this should do wonders for the rumors that it’s all fixed.
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Nancy Armour writing in USA Today says “Ban countries that dope from Olympics.” Well, that’s one way to get this upcoming mess of a Rio games cancelled.
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Alabama star LT Cam Robinson along with DB Hootie Jones were arrested this a.m. Both were charged with marijuana possession but Robinson, a potential top-draft pick, also with “felony illegal possession of stolen firearms.” Yep, he’s NFL ready all right.
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Maine got slammed with 4-7 inches of snow yesterday. And in Denver they’re going, aw, we can probably beat that. #snowinJune?
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A self-proclaimed mother of 12 has posted a video of herself walking through Target with a bible saying that the chain doesn’t protect mothers and children etc….. So I missed the videos where she was protesting the Duggars. And the Catholic church.
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The IOC has opened disciplinary proceedings against 31 athletes from 12 countries just found to have been doping when their samples were retested from the 2008 Beijing games. The IOC President’s said it sends a “powerful message to the cheats.” Right. Always use the most cutting edge drugs
So some are outraged because OKC’s Steven Adams, who is from New Zealand, referred to Curry and Thompson as “quick little monkeys.” He also quickly apologized. But does anyone think Adams would deliberately say that as a slur, playing on a team that is mostly African American? (And Klay is actually biracial.) #PCoverload
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Donald Trump said he’d be willing to speak to Kim Jong Un. At the same time he’s insulting UK Prime Minister David Cameron. If this were a proposed movie script it would be rejected as too far fetched
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Donald Trump also said his income last year was exceeded $557 million. And heck, aren’t all Americans on the honor system about their income with the IRS?
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#TrumpKelly interview tonight on Fox. Proving again that whatever divides us as Americans, people can be brought together by love of $$$$.
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After game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals Canada is going, well we still have Justin Trudeau and your potential leaders are…. #TORvsCLE
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MLB bans #Odor 8 games, #Bautista for 1. So if you want to take someone out in baseball, use your legs not your hands.
Ben Simmons apparently is hoping to be drafted by the Lakers so that he can get a bigger shoe deal. Sounds like a perfect fit for Los Angeles with that team-oriented basketball they practiced so well at the end of Kobe’s career.
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And never say never. Even so guessing that Ben Simmons is NEVER going to be a Spur.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, bathroom jokes, greg abbott jokes, ioc jokes, Janice Hough, Megyn Kelly jokes, Olympics jokes, Texas jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
May 17, 2016
Golden State Warriors not happy about a non-traveling call on #Westbrook. And refs are thinking “Calling traveling on a superstar? How quaint.”
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And the Spurs went from thinking at halftime with the Golden State-Oklahoma City game- “How did we ever lose to this team? to “Maybe it’s not just that we’re old.”
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Beginning to think it’s just possible that Billy Donovan is a very good coach.
#SFGiants are on the road but #Westbrook‘s postgame outfit would fit right in at #ATTPark. Trying to challenge #OrangeandBlack attack?
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Tim Lincecum reportedly signing with Angels. So maybe at this point in his career #Timmy doesn’t want to deal with any more playoff pressure?
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Biggest disappointment for MLB after yesterday’s brawl – unless Toronto gets hot and makes the playoffs, the Blue Jays and Rangers won’t play again in 2016. #ratings
This weekend’s series between the SF Giants and Chicago Cubs opens up with Jake Peavy vs. Jake Arrieta. Well, after Peavy’s good start in Arizona, there’s only a little more than 6 runs difference in their ERA. (7.43 to 1.29)
Hope the Giants have a good stock of beer at AT&T Park.
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Meanwhile, at the Atlanta Falcons’ new stadium, the team will offer some of the lowest concession prices in sports, with a hot dog being only $2 and a beer being $5. Maybe the SF 49ers should consider a similar idea, especially on the beer. Seems like fans are going to need it.
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EasyJet is bankrolling newly invented “Sneakairs”, which are shoes that connect to a smartphone via Bluetooth and vibrate to tell the wearer which way to turn. The airline hopes to sell them on board.
Just what we need, instead of looking at their phones, tourists will run into things because they are fascinated by their shoes.
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John Kasich said he is “not inclined” to serve as Donald Trump’s running mate. Hmm, what’s next, the Ohio governor saying he’s “1,000 percent against it?”
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Trump calls Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas.” Maybe a bit of a “glass houses” insult coming from someone who wears a beaver pelt on his head?
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The NY Times reports that Donald Trump plans to bring up Bill Clinton’s infidelities in the campaign. Because a real man would have married at least one of the younger women he had affairs with?
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Ralph Nader is now complaining that Hillary Clinton is going to win the Democratic primary “by dictatorship’ Because Nader hasn’t done enough for moderates and liberals this century already? #unsafeatanyspeed
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Rangers’ 2B Rougned Odor says he doesn’t regret punching Jose Bautista, but expects a suspension. And who knows, maybe an offer from more than one NFL team.
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Mark Sanchez just underwent surgery on his left thumb and will miss the the start of offseason training activities. Apparently a weight room injury. Butt, how did he fumble into this one?
RIP Dick McAuliffe. Damn. For the uninitiated, especially my SF Giants fan friends, consider him the Joe Panik or Robby Thompson of the 1968 World Champion Detroit Tigers. #youneverforgetyourfirstlove.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Odor jokes, pocahontas jokes, SFGiants jokes, Thunder jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
May 16, 2016
Today’s Rangers Blue Jays brawl started by Rougned Odor and Jose Bautista lasted long enough it should have been on pay-per-view .
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Next Toronto-Texas game may instead of a line-up card feature an under-card?
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But seriously, how long since a Blue Jays-Rangers game was the leading baseball story on Sportscenter?
Rougned Odor is likely to be suspended for his punch today. Wonder the suspension would preclude Odor from taking suspended heavyweight challenger Alexander Povetkin’s place in that WBC bout?
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First Justin Trudeau, then they get one of the four remaining teams in the NBA playoffs. Now Canada’s just piling on.
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Now that the #Raptors have finally made a conference final does that mean there’s hope for the #MapleLeafs? #Toronto #letsnotgetcarriedaway
Meanwhile, the SF Giants swept the Diamondbacks, 2-1. But considering it took instant replay to keep Casilla from blowing save #4 maybe Santiago might be done for a while from complaining about Bochy’s lack of faith in him.
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The Giants actually only scored one of their runs when Matt Cain was pitching, continuing a streak over years where Cain receives some of the least run support in the majors. Maybe next time Cain pitches, #SFGiants should start a reliever just for the 1st batter in 1st inning, just to fool the hitters into not going into ice cold mode.
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Heard announcer refer to #NYKnicks coaching job as “one of most coveted in sports. Well, many do want to grow up to be circus ringmasters
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A newly discovered sinkhole in Florida may show that humans lived there 1,500 years earlier than expected. Amongst the finds inside was reputedly a tattered Tim Duncan jersey.
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President Obama told the Rutgers Class of 2016 today, “let me be as clear as I can be: In politics and in life, ignorance is not a virtue,” Waiting for the GOP rebuttal.
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Donald Trump now called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas” in an interview. Pass the popcorn, this should be fun.
So I actually saw a serious anti-Clinton tweet saying that Hillary takes selfies and Bernie doesn’t. The rest of the world must think we have gone absolutely mad.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: blue jays jokes, Janice Hough, Odor jokes, pocahontas jokes, Rangers jokes, raptors jokes, Toronto jokes, Trump jokes
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May 14, 2016
The movie “Top Gun” turns 30 his week. Now when its stars are asked if they still have a “Need for Speed,” the response is likely to be “Depends.”
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A woman in labor was stranded in a four hour traffic jam on the Tappan Zee bridge and finally, with police help, ended up getting through but still having her baby in the hospital parking lot. Did they name the little girl “Christie?”
Words of wisdom from Russell Wilson to University of Wisconsin graduates: ” I’m also here to share some things I’ve learned,” Wilson. “Things like, if you’re dating a woman that’s way out of your league, ask her to marry you. If you can throw a football 80 yards, for some reason, people think that’s pretty cool. And if you’re playing the Patriots in the Super Bowl, and you’ve got 26 seconds left and you’re down by four, and it’s second and goal on their 1-yard line, try not to throw an interception. That’s purely, purely hypothetical though, of course.”
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Apparently more than 1.2 million people have signed a pledge to boycott Target over their announcement to let transgender customers use whichever bathrooms they want.
Hmm, time to start a petition to see how many millions of Americans are now MORE likely to shop at Target? #canwefocusonrealissuesforachange?
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A study in Italy found that Botox facial treatments may affect the brain and people’s ability to process other people’s emotions. Or it may simply be that the more people focus on freezing their faces in time, the less energy they have for caring about other people’s emotions.
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The NBA draft lottery is next week, But the draft itself might be only 4 days after the Championship is over. The NFL is trying to figure out how they can do that. #yearroundleague
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Ivanka Trump said about her father has “created dialogue around issues. It’s a powerful thing.” Yeah, how often before in American politics have we had discussion about hand size, and as Trevor Noah says, a candidate wanting to “bang his own daughter.”
George Zimmerman has apparently reposted the auction for his sale of the gun with which he shot Trayvon Martin “The previous auction and bids were purged due to illegitimate bidding. Yes, this auction is real.”
The minimum bid is $100,000, instant purchase price $500,000. Too much to hope that you CAN go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public?
A father and son pair of tourists at Yellowstone National Park reportedly put a bison calf in their SUV in order “to save it from the cold.” The two humans received tickets, and the calf was released. And presumably “Mama Bison” being elsewhere at the time of the pickup kept the pair from a much deserved Darwin award..
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: botox jokes, Chris Christie jokes, Darwin jokes, Janice Hough, target jokes, top gun joke, Trump jokes, Zimmerman jokes
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May 14, 2016
So the Air Canada Centre in Toronto is hosting an NBA playoff game 7 on Sunday. And Maple Leafs fans are going “What’s a game 7?”
(one of myCanadian friends says they are asking “what’s a playoff?)
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The losers of the Ohio State spring football game were penalized by having to shovel mulch. Of course, if Urban Meyer really wants to motivate players, he could make the losers go to class.
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Well, if you believe in redemption, here’s your potential made-for-TV sports movie story of the day. Matt Bush was the #1 MLB draft pick in 2004, and went off the rails big time. Drunken fights, accusations of assault, and finally 3 years in jail prison a DUI causing serious injury. He was released last December. And today the Texas Rangers have called him up to the big leagues. Who knows, maybe there’s hope for Johnny Manziel.
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A New York celebrity vegan chef who ran a restaurant called Pure Food and Wine has been arrested in Tennessee after a months’ long chase after she allegedly didn’t pay wages, and cheated on taxes etc. The best part of this, she and her husband were caught after they ordered a Domino’s pizza.
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SF Giants’ closer Santiago Casilla, upset when manager Bruce Bochy pulled him in the 9th with two outs, and a 4-2 lead, after he had loaded the bases, the last on a 4 pitch walk, and was facing a batter who hit a home run against him last time. “It’s my opportunity to find out who’s who…. You have to let me try to see if I can get him out.”
Uh, or maybe you have to let Bochy try to see if the Giants could win the game?
(although curiously enough three things happened Friday. 1. Casilla apologized. 2. Bochy gave him another chance. 3. He struck out both batters.)
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If it’s all about keeping children safe from potential predators, waiting for someone to demand that priests be kept out of men’s rooms.
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Donald Trump to a reporter who asked about his tax returns: “It’s none of your business, you’ll see it when I release.”
Ah yes, only the little people answer questions about their taxes.
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Apparently a man offering “free hugs” in Times Square slugged a Canadian woman in the face after she refused to tip him. Well, or maybe that’s his idea of a New York hug.
Jose Reyes was suspended 51 days over his domestic violence arrest. Imagine if he had done something really serious, like buying an over-the-counter supplement in the Dominican Republic.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Canada jokes, Janice Hough, NBA playoff jokes, Ohio State jokes, reyes jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 13, 2016
Disappointing loss for the Spurs tonight. But truly cool fans showing up at the airport anyway.
The ACC is going to be the 1st NCAA conference to use a football relay command center in 2016, with the system installed at all league venues and Notre Dame. Now that’s funny. As if any official would EVER overturn a call against Notre Dame
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Kenya may be banned from the Rio Olympics due to the country’s anti-doping agency being “non-complaint.”
Well, if the Olympics actually happen might mean some Americans now have hope in the middle-distance events and the marathon.
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Target CEO Brian Cornell on the “bathroom boycott. “We took a stance, and we’re going to continue to embrace our belief of diversity and inclusion.” Well, good for him, and just guessing that the policy probably gets Target as many customers as it loses. #tolerance
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#JohnnyCueto tonight raised his record to 5-1, and made $130 million 6 year contract look like a bargain. Especially compared to #ZackGreinke‘s $205 deal. #SFGiants
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#Bochy and #Casilla tonight changed their. Facebook relationship status to “It’s complicated.” #SFGiants
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Very cool, Steph Curry has donated the Kia Sorrento he won as the NBA MVP to a local homeless shelter for young adults. Of course could we really see the league’s MVP driving around in a Kia?
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A new report said Boston was a better hub for startups than San Francisco. Because during Boston winters, and summers, there’s no option but staying inside and working?
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Dan Quayle has endorsed Donald Trump. Is he hoping for another stint as V.P. “I have made good judgments in the Past. I have made good judgments in the Future.”
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Maryland’s governor just signed a bill that requires insurers to cover all forms of contraception, including over-the-counter medications AND vasectomies. The bill had bipartisan support. While some in the GOP argued about the cost, insurance companies said the cost to the system would go down.
Ya think? Babies are expensive.
40 percent of #NBA teams will start 2016-7 season with new coach from 2015-16. So far. Are we sure Al Davis’s ghost isn’t running the league
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A TSA glitch resulted in over 3,000 checked bags not being loaded onto flights at Phoenix Airport this morning. Think I see serious potential for another “Wanna get away” Southwest ad.
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Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson says that “Just because a man may ‘feel’ like a woman doesn’t mean he can share a bathroom with my daughter or yours.”
Okay, fine but what about transgender men, who were born female? They often have beards. Serious beards. So I guess Phil is okay with them in women’s bathrooms? Sigh.
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All these people say they want Donald Trump as President because the political system is broken and they want an outsider to come in and fix it. Well, there’s a lot of problems with medicine in this country, that’s why when we’re really sick we want someone who doesn’t come from the AMA and med school system….
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Apparently George Zimmerman’s online auction for the gun he used to kill Trayvon Martin has been pulled. So there IS an answer to the question “How low can you go?”
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May 11, 2016
For all those who have wondered how Heidi Cruz could possibly put up with Ted, this is Heidi yesterday, saying the campaign was not in vain “God does not work in four-year segments.”Be full of faith and so full of joy that this team was chosen to fight a long battle Think that slavery — it took 25 years to defeat slavery. That is a lot longer than four years.”
And just think, she could have been First Lady. #madeforeachother
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Donald Trump is still stonewalling on calls to release his tax returns, saying in an AP interview. “there’s nothing to learn from them.”
“Nothing to learn…” Am sure the Donald will say the same thing about Hillary’s emails and Goldman Sachs speeches..
#MaxScherzer had 20 strikeouts today. Wonder how many frustrated fans had 1st reaction “Didn’t even know #Nats were playing the #SFGiants
When you are 4 for 43 with RISP shouldn’t it be RIBSP? “Runners in Being Stranded Position.”. #SFGiants
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Figures after a week where the #SFGiants seem to have forgotten they have bats, they win in the 13th without a hit and walk-off walk.
Just when you think humanity can’t go any lower, here’s breaking news out of Florida: “George Zimmerman auctioning off gun that he used in Trayvon Martin shooting.”
Not sure which is lower though about this auction, George or the bidders. #WishthisweretheOnion
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Gwyneth Paltrow has a “lifestyle” site, “Goop,” with various items for sale. Including now a $15,000 24-karat gold plated dildo, which includes “free discreet shipping, A PDF manual, and a 10-year warranty. But it’s not as if Paltrow is out of touch with ordinary people – the site sells a silver model for only $7,900.
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Way to get that sponsor love – Former MLBer Brandon Laird, now playing in Japan, hit a home run off a Kirin beer sign and won $10,000 plus a year’s worth of beer. When asked what he would do with the prize, Laird responded “Definitely not drink it. Maybe give some to the batting practice pitchers or whoever wants it.”
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The NBA has acknowledged they made two mistakes against the Spurs in the end of last night’s loss, first, a non-call when Kawhi Leonard tried to foul Kevin Durant at the end of the game, second a foul called against Danny Green when he was tripped by Steven Adams and fell into Durant.
Well, this ought to do wonders to reassure people who think the league is fixed.
In Massachusetts, a man who was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts and told staffers the “devil was playing tricks on his mind,” was released the same day/ He then went on a stabbing rampage, killing two people and injuring two others before he was himself fatally shot by an off-duty deputy. #Ifonlyhewerearmed
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Cruz jokes, Janice Hough, scherzer jokes, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes, Zimmerman jokes
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May 11, 2016
#SFGiants offense making a strong bid to be featured on milk cartons.
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Would say #SFGiants offense was on life-support but based on last few games most doctors would have pulled the plug by now.
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Has someone informed #SFGiants that you have to score the old-fashioned way to win? Penalty kicks are not an option.
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In California, the assembly has advanced a bill that would require all single-stall public restrooms to be gender neutral. So would the toilet seat be required to be left up, or down?
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At the Standard Hotel in Manhattan, a man says a woman he had just met went back to his hotel room with him at 4a and ended up stealing a diamond engagement ring.. Well, not sure when the guy was planning to propose, but if his would-be fiancee hears the story, he won’t need the ring anyway.
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#Curry is 1st NBA unanimous MVP. After last night any voter who’d toyed with putting him 2nd to make a point is probably happy they didn’t.
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President Obama signed a bill making the bison the US animal. Makes sense to do it now, with the risk of a Trump presidency the Donald might want to give that title to the furry thing that lives on his head.
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Disney stock tumbled 5% because their earnings for for last year were “only” $2.14 billion. #whatswrongwiththispicture?
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#McDonalds is testing garlic fries but running out of ingredients. Does that mean we can blame #SFGiants for future US garlic shortage?.
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Ted Cruz is suggesting he might not be done in 2016 – “We suspended the campaign because I can see no viable path to victory. Of course if that changed we would reconsider things.”
For someone who claims to hear directly from God, you would think he’d pay a bit more attention to God shouting “Ted, give it up already.”
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Budweiser has announced that they will change their beer label to read “America” until the 2016 Presidential election. Because thinking of our options makes most Americans want to chug beer?
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Royals’ minor leaguer Raul Mondesi, 20, son of the former Dodger etc, has received a reduced suspension of 50 days (instead of 80.) for a steroid, after he showed it came from an over-the-counter supplement. Mondesi “Never did I intend to take a substance that would give me an unfair advantage on the field. It is solely my mistake and there are no excuses for my carelessness in not being fully informed of what I put in my body.”
Now, seems like the kid is on the level, but maybe MLB just once should reduce the suspension of the first guy who says honestly “Yeah, I took PED’s – you have any idea how hard it is to be THAT close to the majors?”
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From Marc Ragovin “An ad in NYC for Delta Airlines has the line “We Go Wherever They Go” over a picture of the Yankees taking the field. So I called up and asked how much two tickets to the cellar would cost me.”
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May 10, 2016
Ray Lewis has been let go by ESPN. Wonder if he decided to cut and run?
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Rough overtime loss for #SJSharks. But at least so far they have outscored the #SFGIants
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#Raptors & #Heat are fighting very hard to see who gets the right to be swept by the #Cavaliers. #TORvsMIA
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Warriors vs Blazers was almost 3 hours before overtime. Yep, we all watch #NBAPlayoffs just to see these referees at work.
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But going to be amusing when a lot of people wake up on the East Coast and wonder, so what happened in that GS-Portland overtime?
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ESPN reported Monday morning “Breaking News” Steph #Curry will win #NBA #MVP this season. Wouldn’t it actually have been news only if he didn’t win?
#Padres apparently interested in Tim Lincecum. Presumably mostly just to make sure Timmy doesn’t pitch against them. #twonohitters #SFGiants
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So now North Carolina and the feds are suing each other over this gender-bathroom law. Good to know things are going so well in the U.S. that we don’t have any more pressing issues to worry about.
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Antonio Cromartie’s wife has just had twins, bringing the NFL cornerback’s total number of children to 12 by 8 different women. He tweeted out “Thank you to everyone with your support and kind words. God Bless you all.”
And God is thinking “uh, about that go forth and multiply. I didn’t really mean exponentially.”
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The first American cruise to Cuba in over 50 years returned with 14 passengers out of over 700 having stomach ailments which could be norovirus. Or they could be suffering from “lots of rum and cigars.”
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Adrian Peterson says the Minnesota Vikings “are going to have a good chance to win it this year — win everything.” “Everything?” Hmm, is the team buying lottery tickets?
Topps now have “Topps Now,” an on-demand business to print limited-edition cards for 24 hours. Bartolo Colon’s home run featured on such a card sold 8,826 in 24 hours, breaking the old record of 1,808 for Jake Arieta’s no-hitter card.
What a shame that “Topps Now” didn’t exist for Mickey Lolich who shared Colon’s physique and hitting ability. He also hit one home run in his life – during the 1968 World Series.
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The Social Security Administration released its list of top baby names last Friday, and said that in 2015, “Isis” has fallen out of the top 1000 US. baby names. And who saw that coming?
Paul Ryan said today that he will step down as a co-chair of the 2016 GOP convention if Donald Trump asks him to do so. Translation “oh, please, oh please.”
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All kinds of consternation over the weekend when Donald Trump talked about raising taxes on the wealthy. Of course, this is the man who said he started out with a “little loan of $1 million from his father.” So his concept of wealthy might be a little different from most the rest of ours.
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Oops, never mind. Trump today on that tax hike for the wealthy. “I could see the wealthy getting raised, but I’m not talking about getting raised from where they are now. I’m talking about getting raised from my low proposal.”
For someone who hasn’t been a politician he’s learned to flip flop faster than almost any of them.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cleveland jokes, cromartie jokes, Cuba jokes, curry jokes, Janice Hough, Ray Lewis jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
May 8, 2016
It takes some work to make Canadians angry. But Dwyane Wade managed to do it, by taking warm up shots during the Canadian national anthem. On the other hand, the Raptors, who sometimes seem to have trouble getting fired up, won the game. So maybe Wade should keep up the “Oh Canada” shooting.
Major league teams are selling today’s Mother’s Day equipment and uniforms to raise money for breast cancer research. Although the SFGiants. who lost 2-0, and were 0-6 with runners in scoring position, won’t be able to market them as actual “game-used” bats.
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An unknown person in New Jersey has won the $429 million Powerball lottery. His or her first act with the winnings will no doubt be to move out of New Jersey.
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Americans apparently spend over $21 billion on Mother’s Day. Wow. To be fair, at least $1 billion of that must be spent by players in the NBA.
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#Hawks have now joined the #Braves in making #Atlanta fans really look forward to the #Falcons.
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The Yankees are in last place and worse, ticket sales are way down. Not sure what the team will do. Maybe they can sign Kobe Bryant for a one year contract so he can sit the bench and do a baseball version of his farewell tour?
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Ted Cruz apparently feels now that he could have stopped Donald Trump, if Marco Rubio had only agreed to become his running mate in March. Got news for Ted, the bottom half of the ticket wasn’t why Americans “Just Said No” to him.
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Former Arizona Governor Jan Brewer said she’d be willing to be Donald Trump’s running mate. Waiting for Hillary Clinton to second that choice in female solidarity.
Sarah Palin on Paul Ryan “His political career is over.” Well, #takesonetoknowone
Mississippi State has confirmed that a student died when he fell off of the football stadium Jumbotron at 1:30am Saturday morning. Sad, but just guessing alcohol gets an assist on this Darwin award.
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To save money, Dropbox is apparently cutting back on some of its perks. The company is pushing free dinner from 6pm to 7pm, and limiting guests to five a month. #Getouttheviolins
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David Maloney is an Alabama attorney who has run commercials talking about how he turns out down drunk drivers as clients. ” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you drink and you drive and you hurt someone, don’t call me. I’m not going to represent you, I’m not going to help you. If anything, I’m going to be the lawyer going after you.”
Maloney was arrested this weekend in Florida. For alleged DUI. Well, guess he won’t be one of those fools who has himself for a client. #meanbitchkarmahasacousinhubris
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Atlanta jokes, Canada jokes, hba jokes, Janice Hough, mothers day jokes, Powerball jokes, SF Giants jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 7, 2016
Nyquist wins the Kentucky Derby. Hope confused fans don’t start throwing octopuses at him.
(Non-hockey fans, google “Red Wings” and “octopus.”)
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Waiting for conservatives to complain the Kentucky Derby glorifies athletes who will succeed, then go have lots of out-of-wedlock children.
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Hard to imagine sometimes we once had #KentuckyDerby telecasts without Tara Lipinski & Johnny Weir. #matchmadeinheaven?
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So many private jets at the #KentuckyDerby you’d think it was the GOP national convention.
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#Walmart says it is bringing back its “customer hosts” at the door. #MakeAmericaGreetAgain?
Who’d a thunk that #BartoloColon would be certain to end the 2016 season with more home runs than #PabloSandoval?
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SF Giants have not said publicly if they have made an offer to Tim Lincecum. Of course, the way Cain and Peavy have been pitching, and now today’s game ending in the 13th, they may sign him only if he can start Monday.
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Matt Duffy gets a walkoff hit in the 13th, as the Giants game finished 2 minutes before the NBA Western Conference semi-finals, thereby sparing millions of SF sports fans by minutes of having to decide between the SFGiants and the Warriors.
The Cubs in 2016 have a +101 run differential. To put this in perspective, the Yankees in 2016 have SCORED 100 runs.
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You really cannot make this “stuff” up. A American Airlines commuter flight was delayed two hours because a University of Pennsylvania math professor was working on a differential equation, and a woman passenger thought he might be “a terrorist because he was writing strange things on a piece of paper.”
The professor, who is Italian, was questioned and the “allegations were found to be non-credible.” #cantfixstupid
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Lauryn Hill was booed by fans in Atlanta after she showed up 2 hours late for a concert. She blamed it on her driver getting lost Gosh, if only someone could think of an invention to solve that kind of problem..
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At a high school outside of Boston, someone hacked selfies that girls sent to their boyfriends, and apparently created some additional fakes, then posted up to 50 pictures on Dropbox. Once again, so thankful to have grown up in a pre-social media age.
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Almost worth putting Elizabeth Warren on the Democratic ticket just for her comebacks. This tweet after Donald Trump said he was “driving her nuts “No, @realDonaldTrump – your racism, sexism & xenophobia doesn’t drive me nuts. It makes me sick. And I’m not alone”
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Trump is attacking Hillary over Bill’s extra-marital affairs “She’s married to a man that got impeached for lying.” Right, and the Donald would never have lied to the American people. Only Ivanka, and Marla, and…..?’
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Bartolo Colon jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, Kentucky Derby jokes, math jokes, nyquist jokes, SFGiants jokes, Walmart jokes
Comments: 7 Comments
May 6, 2016
Happy Kentucky Derby Eve, or Derby Day, depending when you read this: The Kentucky Derby is 142 years old. But it might be the perfect sporting event for our time – to give it their full attention, the race only requires people to put down their phones for 2 minutes.
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The Kardashians flew down to Cuba to film an episode of their reality show. If Raoul Castro really wants to improve relations with the U.S. maybe Cuba can keep them?
Tim Lincecum pitched off the mound today. Timmy has 2 important qualities #SFGiants are now looking for in a 4th or 5th starter – Alive & Breathing
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In St. Cloud, Florida, a 25 year-old man allegedly fatally shot his brother in an argument over a cheeseburger. Will he say he was just standing his ground beef?
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Jeb Bush has joined Lindsay Graham in saying he will not vote for Donald Trump nor Hillary Clinton. Well, this should make a difference to both of Jeb’s former supporters.
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A Reuters/Ipsos poll says ” Nearly half” of U.S voters plan to vote for Clinton or Trump in November mainly to keep the other side from winning. Only half?
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Email today asking if I have “Decided not to thank President Obama for fighting Citizens United?” because I haven’t signed some card yet. Why do I think that if I ignore the email President Obama will get over it?
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The LA Angels of Anaheim, below .500 and already struggling with injuries, have lost starter Garrett Richards for the season. Looking like only thing that could really save their season – moving to the NL West.
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Golfer Zac Blair was disqualified from the Wells Fargo Championship for using a bent putter. The putter had got bent when he hit himself in the head with it after missing an earlier putt. And apparently you can replace clubs but not when damage is done in anger. #andwethoughtthebalkrulewasweird
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GOP chairman Reince Priebus on Donald Trump’s Cinco de Mayo tweet. “He’s trying.” Yes, very.
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Sen. Lindsey Graham said today he will not vote for either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton in the 2016 presidential election. But he expects to be re-elected as someone who can make tough decisions facing our country?
London has elected Sadiq Khan as their first Muslim mayor. #IblameObama
Dick Cheney says he will support Trump’s candidacy. Makes sense, maybe Cheney hopes the Donald will choose him as a running mate and let the former VP run the country again
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And happy birthday to Willie Mays, still the Say Hey Kid at 85. (This picture taken at spring training when Willie was still a young 84.)
Categories: baseball jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cheney jokes, Florida jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Jeb jokes, Kardashian jokes, Kentucky Derby jokes, Obama jokes
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May 5, 2016
An 8-1 shot in the #KentuckyDerby is a horse named “#Exaggerator .” Waiting for #DonaldTrump to sue for copyright infringement.
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The next GOP primary is in Nebraska. With Ted Cruz having dropped out at least Carly Fiorina doesn’t have to spend time researching a horse that comes from the Cornhusker state, so she can say she’s rooting for him in the Kentucky Derby.
SF Giants reliever Vin Mazzaro May 2, 2 outs, 1 hit, 0 earned runs and a win relieving Johnny Cueto. May 5, relieving Matt Cain, Mazzaro got 1 out, with six hits and 9 earned runs #Baseballisacruelgame #SFGiants
With each pitch #timlincecum‘s asking price is going up. #SFGiants
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The Dodgers have suspended SS Erisbel Arruebarrena for the remainder of the season “for his repeated failure to comply with the terms of his contract.” Well, that and for hitting .182. #teamsdontsuspendsuperstars
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Apparently some Hawks players were upset that the Cavaliers, including bench players, kept shooting 3-point shots to set the all-time NBA record last night – (25) with the game not even close. Here’s a hint to Atlanta, don’t want a team to set a 3-point shooting record against you? Start playing defense.
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A recently published PennLive story says former coach Joe Paterno allegedly was told about accused child sexual abuse Jerry Sandusky in 1976. Guessing that Paterno statue that was temporarily removed from its place on campus going to stay in its hidden “secure location.”
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In Hong Kong, KFC is introducing edible nail polish that supposedly tastes like chicken. WTF? KFC’s fried chicken doesn’t really actually taste like chicken.
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John McCain says that Donald Trump’s heading the GOP ticket could make the Senate’s re-election bid “the race of my life,” because of how unpopular Trump is with Hispanics.
Yeah, it’s a real bummer when a loose cannon on the Presidential ticket threatens the party’s candidates in state races.
Mean bitch karma for yet another win.
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A bodyguard who was fired by Kanye West for allegedly trying to hit on Kim Kardashian says he didn’t do anything wrong and that Kanye is ‘the most self-absorbed person’ he’s ever met. Hmm, another potential running mate for Trump?
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Open note to @realDonaldTrump on your running mate pick – @SarahPalinUSA is available. Love, all U.S. comedy writers.
Donald Trump tweeted on Thursday. “Happy #CincoDeMayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!”
#wrongonsomanylevels #guessheswritingoffcaliforniatexasandarizona
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Paul Ryan “I’m just not ready to do that (support Donald Trump) at this point, I’m not there right now, and I hope to, though, and I want to, but I think what is required is that we unify this party.”
Waiting for one of these wimps to say, “You know what. Screw it. I’m voting for Hillary but support your local GOP candidates. We can survive four more Clinton years with a Republican House and Senate.”
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Johnny Manziel, who is out on bail, has been ordered by a Texas judge to have no contact at all with his former girlfriend. And we all know how well Manziel follows instructions.
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Police in Arizona have decided to drop felony charges against a high school football player who exposed his penis in a yearbook picture “on a dare,” The relieved kid told a local reporter “God is on my side and I’m blessed [by] everything that’s happened from the support side.”
Uh, it’s Arizona. He shouldn’t be thanking God, but rather the fact he’s a white, heterosexual football player.
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Arizona jokes, Cavaliers jokes, Cinco de Mayo jokes, Cruz jokes, Janice Hough, Kentucky Derby jokes, McCain jokes, Paterno jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 
As a British Studies major once upon a time, have to note that JD in PA reminds us .”Anyone who had a Shakespeare course in college could tell you that “Bend it like Richard III” should work on at least two levels.#leicesterjokes”