Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category
May 11, 2016
#SFGiants offense making a strong bid to be featured on milk cartons.
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Would say #SFGiants offense was on life-support but based on last few games most doctors would have pulled the plug by now.
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Has someone informed #SFGiants that you have to score the old-fashioned way to win? Penalty kicks are not an option.
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In California, the assembly has advanced a bill that would require all single-stall public restrooms to be gender neutral. So would the toilet seat be required to be left up, or down?
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At the Standard Hotel in Manhattan, a man says a woman he had just met went back to his hotel room with him at 4a and ended up stealing a diamond engagement ring.. Well, not sure when the guy was planning to propose, but if his would-be fiancee hears the story, he won’t need the ring anyway.
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#Curry is 1st NBA unanimous MVP. After last night any voter who’d toyed with putting him 2nd to make a point is probably happy they didn’t.
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President Obama signed a bill making the bison the US animal. Makes sense to do it now, with the risk of a Trump presidency the Donald might want to give that title to the furry thing that lives on his head.
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Disney stock tumbled 5% because their earnings for for last year were “only” $2.14 billion. #whatswrongwiththispicture?
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#McDonalds is testing garlic fries but running out of ingredients. Does that mean we can blame #SFGiants for future US garlic shortage?.
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Ted Cruz is suggesting he might not be done in 2016 – “We suspended the campaign because I can see no viable path to victory. Of course if that changed we would reconsider things.”
For someone who claims to hear directly from God, you would think he’d pay a bit more attention to God shouting “Ted, give it up already.”
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Budweiser has announced that they will change their beer label to read “America” until the 2016 Presidential election. Because thinking of our options makes most Americans want to chug beer?
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Royals’ minor leaguer Raul Mondesi, 20, son of the former Dodger etc, has received a reduced suspension of 50 days (instead of 80.) for a steroid, after he showed it came from an over-the-counter supplement. Mondesi “Never did I intend to take a substance that would give me an unfair advantage on the field. It is solely my mistake and there are no excuses for my carelessness in not being fully informed of what I put in my body.”
Now, seems like the kid is on the level, but maybe MLB just once should reduce the suspension of the first guy who says honestly “Yeah, I took PED’s – you have any idea how hard it is to be THAT close to the majors?”
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From Marc Ragovin “An ad in NYC for Delta Airlines has the line “We Go Wherever They Go” over a picture of the Yankees taking the field. So I called up and asked how much two tickets to the cellar would cost me.”
Categories: Uncategorized
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May 10, 2016
Ray Lewis has been let go by ESPN. Wonder if he decided to cut and run?
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Rough overtime loss for #SJSharks. But at least so far they have outscored the #SFGIants
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#Raptors & #Heat are fighting very hard to see who gets the right to be swept by the #Cavaliers. #TORvsMIA
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Warriors vs Blazers was almost 3 hours before overtime. Yep, we all watch #NBAPlayoffs just to see these referees at work.
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But going to be amusing when a lot of people wake up on the East Coast and wonder, so what happened in that GS-Portland overtime?
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ESPN reported Monday morning “Breaking News” Steph #Curry will win #NBA #MVP this season. Wouldn’t it actually have been news only if he didn’t win?
#Padres apparently interested in Tim Lincecum. Presumably mostly just to make sure Timmy doesn’t pitch against them. #twonohitters #SFGiants
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So now North Carolina and the feds are suing each other over this gender-bathroom law. Good to know things are going so well in the U.S. that we don’t have any more pressing issues to worry about.
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Antonio Cromartie’s wife has just had twins, bringing the NFL cornerback’s total number of children to 12 by 8 different women. He tweeted out “Thank you to everyone with your support and kind words. God Bless you all.”
And God is thinking “uh, about that go forth and multiply. I didn’t really mean exponentially.”
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The first American cruise to Cuba in over 50 years returned with 14 passengers out of over 700 having stomach ailments which could be norovirus. Or they could be suffering from “lots of rum and cigars.”
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Adrian Peterson says the Minnesota Vikings “are going to have a good chance to win it this year — win everything.” “Everything?” Hmm, is the team buying lottery tickets?
Topps now have “Topps Now,” an on-demand business to print limited-edition cards for 24 hours. Bartolo Colon’s home run featured on such a card sold 8,826 in 24 hours, breaking the old record of 1,808 for Jake Arieta’s no-hitter card.
What a shame that “Topps Now” didn’t exist for Mickey Lolich who shared Colon’s physique and hitting ability. He also hit one home run in his life – during the 1968 World Series.
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The Social Security Administration released its list of top baby names last Friday, and said that in 2015, “Isis” has fallen out of the top 1000 US. baby names. And who saw that coming?
Paul Ryan said today that he will step down as a co-chair of the 2016 GOP convention if Donald Trump asks him to do so. Translation “oh, please, oh please.”
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All kinds of consternation over the weekend when Donald Trump talked about raising taxes on the wealthy. Of course, this is the man who said he started out with a “little loan of $1 million from his father.” So his concept of wealthy might be a little different from most the rest of ours.
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Oops, never mind. Trump today on that tax hike for the wealthy. “I could see the wealthy getting raised, but I’m not talking about getting raised from where they are now. I’m talking about getting raised from my low proposal.”
For someone who hasn’t been a politician he’s learned to flip flop faster than almost any of them.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cleveland jokes, cromartie jokes, Cuba jokes, curry jokes, Janice Hough, Ray Lewis jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
May 8, 2016
It takes some work to make Canadians angry. But Dwyane Wade managed to do it, by taking warm up shots during the Canadian national anthem. On the other hand, the Raptors, who sometimes seem to have trouble getting fired up, won the game. So maybe Wade should keep up the “Oh Canada” shooting.
Major league teams are selling today’s Mother’s Day equipment and uniforms to raise money for breast cancer research. Although the SFGiants. who lost 2-0, and were 0-6 with runners in scoring position, won’t be able to market them as actual “game-used” bats.
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An unknown person in New Jersey has won the $429 million Powerball lottery. His or her first act with the winnings will no doubt be to move out of New Jersey.
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Americans apparently spend over $21 billion on Mother’s Day. Wow. To be fair, at least $1 billion of that must be spent by players in the NBA.
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#Hawks have now joined the #Braves in making #Atlanta fans really look forward to the #Falcons.
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The Yankees are in last place and worse, ticket sales are way down. Not sure what the team will do. Maybe they can sign Kobe Bryant for a one year contract so he can sit the bench and do a baseball version of his farewell tour?
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Ted Cruz apparently feels now that he could have stopped Donald Trump, if Marco Rubio had only agreed to become his running mate in March. Got news for Ted, the bottom half of the ticket wasn’t why Americans “Just Said No” to him.
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Former Arizona Governor Jan Brewer said she’d be willing to be Donald Trump’s running mate. Waiting for Hillary Clinton to second that choice in female solidarity.
Sarah Palin on Paul Ryan “His political career is over.” Well, #takesonetoknowone
Mississippi State has confirmed that a student died when he fell off of the football stadium Jumbotron at 1:30am Saturday morning. Sad, but just guessing alcohol gets an assist on this Darwin award.
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To save money, Dropbox is apparently cutting back on some of its perks. The company is pushing free dinner from 6pm to 7pm, and limiting guests to five a month. #Getouttheviolins
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David Maloney is an Alabama attorney who has run commercials talking about how he turns out down drunk drivers as clients. ” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you drink and you drive and you hurt someone, don’t call me. I’m not going to represent you, I’m not going to help you. If anything, I’m going to be the lawyer going after you.”
Maloney was arrested this weekend in Florida. For alleged DUI. Well, guess he won’t be one of those fools who has himself for a client. #meanbitchkarmahasacousinhubris
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Atlanta jokes, Canada jokes, hba jokes, Janice Hough, mothers day jokes, Powerball jokes, SF Giants jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 7, 2016
Nyquist wins the Kentucky Derby. Hope confused fans don’t start throwing octopuses at him.
(Non-hockey fans, google “Red Wings” and “octopus.”)
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Waiting for conservatives to complain the Kentucky Derby glorifies athletes who will succeed, then go have lots of out-of-wedlock children.
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Hard to imagine sometimes we once had #KentuckyDerby telecasts without Tara Lipinski & Johnny Weir. #matchmadeinheaven?
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So many private jets at the #KentuckyDerby you’d think it was the GOP national convention.
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#Walmart says it is bringing back its “customer hosts” at the door. #MakeAmericaGreetAgain?
Who’d a thunk that #BartoloColon would be certain to end the 2016 season with more home runs than #PabloSandoval?
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SF Giants have not said publicly if they have made an offer to Tim Lincecum. Of course, the way Cain and Peavy have been pitching, and now today’s game ending in the 13th, they may sign him only if he can start Monday.
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Matt Duffy gets a walkoff hit in the 13th, as the Giants game finished 2 minutes before the NBA Western Conference semi-finals, thereby sparing millions of SF sports fans by minutes of having to decide between the SFGiants and the Warriors.
The Cubs in 2016 have a +101 run differential. To put this in perspective, the Yankees in 2016 have SCORED 100 runs.
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You really cannot make this “stuff” up. A American Airlines commuter flight was delayed two hours because a University of Pennsylvania math professor was working on a differential equation, and a woman passenger thought he might be “a terrorist because he was writing strange things on a piece of paper.”
The professor, who is Italian, was questioned and the “allegations were found to be non-credible.” #cantfixstupid
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Lauryn Hill was booed by fans in Atlanta after she showed up 2 hours late for a concert. She blamed it on her driver getting lost Gosh, if only someone could think of an invention to solve that kind of problem..
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At a high school outside of Boston, someone hacked selfies that girls sent to their boyfriends, and apparently created some additional fakes, then posted up to 50 pictures on Dropbox. Once again, so thankful to have grown up in a pre-social media age.
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Almost worth putting Elizabeth Warren on the Democratic ticket just for her comebacks. This tweet after Donald Trump said he was “driving her nuts “No, @realDonaldTrump – your racism, sexism & xenophobia doesn’t drive me nuts. It makes me sick. And I’m not alone”
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Trump is attacking Hillary over Bill’s extra-marital affairs “She’s married to a man that got impeached for lying.” Right, and the Donald would never have lied to the American people. Only Ivanka, and Marla, and…..?’
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Bartolo Colon jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, Kentucky Derby jokes, math jokes, nyquist jokes, SFGiants jokes, Walmart jokes
Comments: 7 Comments
May 6, 2016
Happy Kentucky Derby Eve, or Derby Day, depending when you read this: The Kentucky Derby is 142 years old. But it might be the perfect sporting event for our time – to give it their full attention, the race only requires people to put down their phones for 2 minutes.
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The Kardashians flew down to Cuba to film an episode of their reality show. If Raoul Castro really wants to improve relations with the U.S. maybe Cuba can keep them?
Tim Lincecum pitched off the mound today. Timmy has 2 important qualities #SFGiants are now looking for in a 4th or 5th starter – Alive & Breathing
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In St. Cloud, Florida, a 25 year-old man allegedly fatally shot his brother in an argument over a cheeseburger. Will he say he was just standing his ground beef?
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Jeb Bush has joined Lindsay Graham in saying he will not vote for Donald Trump nor Hillary Clinton. Well, this should make a difference to both of Jeb’s former supporters.
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A Reuters/Ipsos poll says ” Nearly half” of U.S voters plan to vote for Clinton or Trump in November mainly to keep the other side from winning. Only half?
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Email today asking if I have “Decided not to thank President Obama for fighting Citizens United?” because I haven’t signed some card yet. Why do I think that if I ignore the email President Obama will get over it?
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The LA Angels of Anaheim, below .500 and already struggling with injuries, have lost starter Garrett Richards for the season. Looking like only thing that could really save their season – moving to the NL West.
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Golfer Zac Blair was disqualified from the Wells Fargo Championship for using a bent putter. The putter had got bent when he hit himself in the head with it after missing an earlier putt. And apparently you can replace clubs but not when damage is done in anger. #andwethoughtthebalkrulewasweird
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GOP chairman Reince Priebus on Donald Trump’s Cinco de Mayo tweet. “He’s trying.” Yes, very.
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Sen. Lindsey Graham said today he will not vote for either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton in the 2016 presidential election. But he expects to be re-elected as someone who can make tough decisions facing our country?
London has elected Sadiq Khan as their first Muslim mayor. #IblameObama
Dick Cheney says he will support Trump’s candidacy. Makes sense, maybe Cheney hopes the Donald will choose him as a running mate and let the former VP run the country again
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And happy birthday to Willie Mays, still the Say Hey Kid at 85. (This picture taken at spring training when Willie was still a young 84.)
Categories: baseball jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cheney jokes, Florida jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Jeb jokes, Kardashian jokes, Kentucky Derby jokes, Obama jokes
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May 5, 2016
An 8-1 shot in the #KentuckyDerby is a horse named “#Exaggerator .” Waiting for #DonaldTrump to sue for copyright infringement.
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The next GOP primary is in Nebraska. With Ted Cruz having dropped out at least Carly Fiorina doesn’t have to spend time researching a horse that comes from the Cornhusker state, so she can say she’s rooting for him in the Kentucky Derby.
SF Giants reliever Vin Mazzaro May 2, 2 outs, 1 hit, 0 earned runs and a win relieving Johnny Cueto. May 5, relieving Matt Cain, Mazzaro got 1 out, with six hits and 9 earned runs #Baseballisacruelgame #SFGiants
With each pitch #timlincecum‘s asking price is going up. #SFGiants
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The Dodgers have suspended SS Erisbel Arruebarrena for the remainder of the season “for his repeated failure to comply with the terms of his contract.” Well, that and for hitting .182. #teamsdontsuspendsuperstars
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Apparently some Hawks players were upset that the Cavaliers, including bench players, kept shooting 3-point shots to set the all-time NBA record last night – (25) with the game not even close. Here’s a hint to Atlanta, don’t want a team to set a 3-point shooting record against you? Start playing defense.
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A recently published PennLive story says former coach Joe Paterno allegedly was told about accused child sexual abuse Jerry Sandusky in 1976. Guessing that Paterno statue that was temporarily removed from its place on campus going to stay in its hidden “secure location.”
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In Hong Kong, KFC is introducing edible nail polish that supposedly tastes like chicken. WTF? KFC’s fried chicken doesn’t really actually taste like chicken.
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John McCain says that Donald Trump’s heading the GOP ticket could make the Senate’s re-election bid “the race of my life,” because of how unpopular Trump is with Hispanics.
Yeah, it’s a real bummer when a loose cannon on the Presidential ticket threatens the party’s candidates in state races.
Mean bitch karma for yet another win.
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A bodyguard who was fired by Kanye West for allegedly trying to hit on Kim Kardashian says he didn’t do anything wrong and that Kanye is ‘the most self-absorbed person’ he’s ever met. Hmm, another potential running mate for Trump?
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Open note to @realDonaldTrump on your running mate pick – @SarahPalinUSA is available. Love, all U.S. comedy writers.
Donald Trump tweeted on Thursday. “Happy #CincoDeMayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!”
#wrongonsomanylevels #guessheswritingoffcaliforniatexasandarizona
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Paul Ryan “I’m just not ready to do that (support Donald Trump) at this point, I’m not there right now, and I hope to, though, and I want to, but I think what is required is that we unify this party.”
Waiting for one of these wimps to say, “You know what. Screw it. I’m voting for Hillary but support your local GOP candidates. We can survive four more Clinton years with a Republican House and Senate.”
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Johnny Manziel, who is out on bail, has been ordered by a Texas judge to have no contact at all with his former girlfriend. And we all know how well Manziel follows instructions.
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Police in Arizona have decided to drop felony charges against a high school football player who exposed his penis in a yearbook picture “on a dare,” The relieved kid told a local reporter “God is on my side and I’m blessed [by] everything that’s happened from the support side.”
Uh, it’s Arizona. He shouldn’t be thanking God, but rather the fact he’s a white, heterosexual football player.
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Arizona jokes, Cavaliers jokes, Cinco de Mayo jokes, Cruz jokes, Janice Hough, Kentucky Derby jokes, McCain jokes, Paterno jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
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May 4, 2016
Caitlyn Jenner, 66, reportedly will appear on an upcoming cover of SI for the 40th anniversary of her 1976 Olympic decathlon win, wearing “nothing but an American flag and her Olympic medal.”
Uh, leave the transgender stuff aside. How many people want to see a picture of ANY 66 year old person naked?
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While unemployment is down in the USA, a good thing, productivity is also down, which is disturbing. Wondering how many American workers have posted about this trend on Facebook.
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So it was only last year that the bones of Richard III were reinterred from under a carpark to Leicester Cathedral. And now Leicester City, a 5,000 to 1 shot, has won the English Premier League. #Coincidence?
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ESPN’s OTL is reporting that MLB will announce another suspension for Turinabol, which was a steroid favored by East German athletes in the 1970s. And with improved testing, no doubt other suspensions will follow.
Really, an East German drug from the 1970s? Well, baseball always has had a reputation as a sport that reveres the past.
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USA Today headline “Losing Pablo Sandoval may be best for Red Sox.” Same thing can definitely be said for #SFGiants.
OKC’s Dion Waiters, talking about San Antonio and LaMarcus Aldridge “One man can’t beat you.” Right, because the Spurs always run such a one-man offense.
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John Kasich “As I suspend my campaign today, I have renewed faith, deeper faith, that the Lord will show me the way forward.”
And God is thinking “Don’t blame me, I didn’t tell any of you clowns to run in the first place.”
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So with Kasich dropping out tonight can we officially refer to the #GOP race as “Last Comic Standing?”
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Unhappiest people in the GOP right about now have to be those in California who were counting on a contested race to help Republican turnout in June. (California has a top-two primary, so a GOP candidate is not guaranteed to get on the November ballot.)
Emma Watson said she wore a dress made of recycled plastic bottles to N.Y.s’ Met Gala. Well, that’s a change, having an actress appear publicly with plastic on the outside of her body..
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Disneyland shut down their California Screamin’ roller coaster for an hour after a passenger was spotting using a selfie stick on it. When Disney restarted the coaster, couldn’t they just let the offending guest take the first ride solo with her/her stick, and no seat belt? #Darwinwouldbesoproud
#SFGiants fans are understandably less than thrilled with Jake Peavy this year. On other hand, Zack Greinke has a 5.50 ERA #dodgedabullet?
Governor Jerry Brown has signed a bill raising the minimum smoking age in California to 21. Many teenagers shrugged – “he’s only talking about cigarettes.”
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It now looks like a choice between Hillary & Trump. And millions of Americans are wishing another choice was to repeal that 22nd amendment.
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Line of the night. The Daily Show’s Trevor Noah, who is from South Africa, on watching Trump take the GOP nomination: “I’m from a Third World country. It looks like you are headed to one.”
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Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #Caitlyn Jenner jokes, California jokes, Cruz jokes, Disney jokes, Janice Hough, kasich jokes, Leicester jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
May 3, 2016
Ted Cruz has announcing he is dropping out of the GOP race. Wow. #CarlyFiorina tanked that campaign even faster than she tanked #HP
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Maybe #CarlyFiorina did bring something to the #TedCruz campaign after all – lots of leftover staff layoff notices?
So who’d a thunk the #GOP Primary might be down to one candidate before the Democrats?
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So wonder how much we Democrats can fundraise to convince #CarlyFiorina to volunteer for #DonaldTrump‘s campaign?
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#Trump called #TedCruz tonight “a great guy with one hellava future.” Doesn’t he mean a future in hell? #Lucifer
Headline “Ted Cruz Suspends Campaign After Primary Loss in Indiana.” Wait, don’t suspensions generally follow enhanced performances?
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Donald Trump is now close to clinching the GOP nomination, so talk may soon turn to his potential running mate. The Donald has mentioned picking a woman. Well, considering his popularity within the party and the voters apparent love for a reality TV star with no political experience, maybe Trump is considering a Kardashian?
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Okay, who besides me regularly sees things that reportedly come out of #Trump‘s mouth & has to double check that it’s not #theOnion?
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Regarding the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, Eric Trump told news outlets that Obama’s jokes about his dad were “all in good fun,” but “we are going to be there next year.”
Hmm, so they’re going to accept Hillary’s invitation?
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Earlier today, Donald Trump, apparently not content with his lead over Cruz in the polls, is now onto the National Enquirer story about Cruz’s dad “His father was with Lee Harvey Oswald prior to Oswald’s being — you know, shot. That was reported, and nobody talks about it… What was he doing? What was he doing with Lee Harvey Oswald shortly before the death, before the shooting? It’s horrible”
And millions of Americans thought this race couldn’t get any crazier. #weveonlyjustbegun
It was just announced that the Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, Paul McCartney, Neil Young, Roger Waters and the Who will all perform in a 3 day-concert festival in Indio, California this October.
Maybe with all these rock and roll deaths they figured they’d better get together before it’s too late? #concertfortheages #concertfortheaged
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This mega concert with the Stones, McCartney, Dylan, etc this October should be notable in many respects. For one thing, it may be the first festival to forego portapotties in favor of Depends.
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You know Justin Verlander’s pitching has been going downhill when the CNN headline is “Model Kate Upton gets engaged.”
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A record 16 #TonyAwards nominations for #Hamilton?!. Gosh, hope this doesn’t make tickets too hard to get.
The SF Chronicle reports that Northern California’s Bitmicro Networks Inc. which manufactures flash storage systems, has agreed to pay about $161,268 in back wages to engineers from the Philippines. The company brought them here, housed them in a hotel, and illegally paid them about $2 an hour. Bitmicro claimed that the wage issue was an oversight.
Right, it was an oversight that someone didn’t do a better job of hiding the foreign workers’ pay rate.
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The Second Circuit Court of Appeals has granted Tom Brady and the NFLPA a 14-day extension on Tuesday to file for a rehearing on “Deflategate.” Right, because this whole saga hasn’t gone on for nearly long enough.
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The NBA’s last two-minute review admits five missed calls at end of last night’s Spurs-Thunder playoff game. Only five?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Carly Fiorina jokes, carly fiorinia jokes, Cruz jokes, Enquirer jokes, Janice Hough, rolling stones concert, Trump jokes
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May 2, 2016
If you had to say one good thing about NBA refs it’s that they make you appreciate MLB umpires.
Well this ought to do wonders for those who say #NBA games are fixed. #offensivefoul #OKCvsSAS #Spurs
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Not saying Ginoboli got hacked on that inbound at the end of the Oklahoma City -San Antonio game, but 7 of 10 NFL refs might have called a penalty.
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In Cincinnati, Johnny Cueto got a nice ovation from #Reds fans just by showing up. He didn’t have to thank them by pitching batting practice in the 3rd #SFGiants
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Although, while Cueto did give up six runs, he also got a couple RBI’s. The #SFGiants are leading baseball with pitchers with hits and RBI’s. 11 each. #wedontneednostinkingDH #Pitcherswhorake
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A marijuana dispensary is apparently interested in taking over the naming rights for the Denver Broncos’ Sports Authority stadium. Leaving aside the Mile High jokes, this could really be a great marketing partnership for Peyton Manning’s Papa John’s pizza.
Pablo Sandoval has had shoulder surgery and will miss the rest of the 2016 season. Maybe to improve the Panda’s chances in 2017 the Red Sox will request a two-handed sling that makes it impossible for him to hold a fork?
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Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, The Who, Bob Dylan and Roger Waters all posted on social media with an apparent tease for a mega concert this October. Shocking! All those old farts know how to use social media?
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Sports Authority is liquidating all its stores. Sports Authority still had stores?
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Ted Cruz on the campaign trail “we will not give into evil….” This is the man who put Carly Fiorina on his ticket?
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Carly Fiorina felt off a stage at a Cruz rally today. As opposed to Cruz’s campaign itself, which seems to have fallen off a cliff.
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Really? Now, I know there is no love lost between ESPN and Curt Schilling, and Schilling was an idiot to keep posting incendiary stuff after his employers told him to stop. But now the network aired an “30 for 30” about the Red Sox miracle ALCS comeback in 2004 against the Yankees and cut out the “bloody sock” game.
What are we, folks, ten year old boys?
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Turing Pharmaceuticals, Martin Shkreli’s former company, which raised the price of an AIDS drug 5,000% has been sued for breach of contract by the company that let it sell the drug in the first place.
Not sure which lawyers Turing might get for their defense – maybe some who find the Cruz campaign too warm and fuzzy?
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Old Navy is now getting heat from internet trolls over an ad featuring an interracial family. Ok, now as misguided as these folks are who are against transgenders in bathrooms over the fear factor, who exactly do they expect an interracial family to hurt?
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While we’re at it, assume none of these anti-interracial family trolls are sports fans….particularly of the NBA – Tony Parker, Klay Thompson, Blake Griffin…. for starters. And then there’s Derek Jeter.
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Donald Trump is criticizing Hillary Clinton for her “off the reservation” comment, saying “If I made that statement about women, then there’d be front page headlines I think it’s a very nasty statement to men…”
I think even the pot and the kettle are both giggling.
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Four Auburn sophomore football players were arrested on misdemeanor marijuana charges last weekend, three who were reserves, and one, Carlton Davis III, who was a freshman All-American. Coach Gus Malzahn said “we will handle the matter appropriately.
Translation, the three reserves might be suspended for Auburn’s opener against Clemson, and Davis III might be suspended for the Tigers’ second game against Arkansas State.
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We Americans love underdogs. So we can happily congratulate #Leicester on a great Premier League championship. Without ever watching a soccer game.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #offensivefoul, Carly Fiorina jokes, Cruz jokes, cueto jokes, SFGiants jokes, Spurs jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 1, 2016
Toronto Raptors’ Kyle Lowry on today’s game 7. “This is like our Super Bowl, win or go home.” Uh, so maybe Lowry isn’t a big NFL fan, but has someone told him after the Super Bowl both teams go home?
The New York Yankees, at 8-15, are in the cellar of the AL East. No punchline, I just like writing it.
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So wait a minute, there are no Canadian teams in the NHL playoffs but one in the NBA playoffs? Hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse.
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The White House has put forward proposals to make it easier for federal, state and local agencies to buy “smart guns” that only operate for certain users. The NRA is of course against it, saying the concept is “unproven” and “causes us great concern”. Because of course nothing ever goes wrong now with stolen law enforcement guns. #sarcasm
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Some are already grading this year’s NFL draft picks by team. Yep, the same experts who had this year’s Super Bowl between the Seahawks or Packers, and the Colts or the Patriots.
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Congrats to #MaliaObama who will be attending #Harvard. Wonder if that means she didn’t get into #Stanford?
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Donald Trump, going after Hillary last week called her “one of the all time great enablers.” Of course, Trump’s wives are never enablers, he just trades them in for younger models first.
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Justin Bieber posted a picture of himself petting a tiger while the big cat was on a leash. Ok, be honest, how many other people were hoping for an equipment malfunction?
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Another thought about this bathroom insanity. Something like 90% of children who are sexually abused, are abused by someone they know. So where are the fear mongers about friends and relatives taking children into bathrooms?
Talking with friends yesterday after the Correspondents dinner, mentioned that I once wrote a joke that made then Senator Obama laugh. They suggested I post it.
In 2007 was able to meet him briefly on a rope line.
Said, “Senator, people say you’re the rock star of the Democratic party, but you’re too young to be president. But I’m looking at these concert tours for the Who, Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones. And thinking you’re plenty old enough to be President. But you are not old enough to be a rock star.”
(he not only laughed he said I might be right, and he had all their records.)
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bieber jokes, Janice Hough, NHL jokes, Obama jokes, raptors jokes, Toronto jokes, Trump jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 30, 2016
43 points in the first quarter for the #Spurs. San Antonio was playing like a team of men possessed to get game one done in time to make it home for the “Early bird special.”
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Hasn’t been such a one-sided contest in #SanAntonio since the #Alamo. #Spurs #Thunder
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OKC coach Billy Donovan has seen games like #Spurs #Thunder before. When he was with Florida against some of those double-digit seeds in the NCAA first round.
The NY Jets have now drafted 11 quarterbacks since 2000. So guess 11 wrongs also don’t make a right.
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A Chicago woman has filed a $5 million lawsuit against Starbucks for putting too many ice cubes in their cold drinks, saying customers aren’t getting all they are paying for. Uh, waiting for a court to throw it out saying, if you really care about getting what you’re paying for, you won’t be going to Starbucks.
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Actor Kirk Cameron “Wives are to honor and respect and follow their husband’s lead, not to tell their husband how he ought to be a better husband,” Hmm, another two-bit actor who hopes to follow Ronald Reagan into politics?
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A high school near Houston is planning to open a $62 million football stadium. This after a Dallas area school spent $60 million on their stadium. Reaction outside of Texas “That’s obscene.” Reaction within Texas “How do we top that?”.
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A high school near Houston is planning to open a $62 million football stadium. This after a Dallas area school spent $60 million on their stadium. Reaction outside of Texas “That’s obscene.” Reaction within Texas “How do we top that?”
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A new poll says Ted Cruz has a “significant” lead in Indiana. So how much do Indiana voters hate Donald Trump to vote for a guy who refers to a “basketball ring?”
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President Obama tonight at the White House Correspondents’ dinner: “Next year at this time someone else will be standing here in this very spot, and it’s anyone’s guess who she will be.”
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John Kasich in San Francisco yesterday said that people are “probably” born gay. Not sure what’s scarier, that the statement is still so tentative, or that even so it puts him onto the liberal fringe of the GOP.
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April 29, 2016
Former NFL star Ray Lewis’s son has been arrested for sexual assault. Can’t imagine how the young man grew up thinking he could get away with a serious crime.
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Leremy Tunsil’s draft night nightmare is over, as he was finally picked by the Miami Dolphins. But it does remind many of us old farts again, how lucky we were not to grow up in a social media age.
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In somewhat of a surprise move, the Cleveland Browns drafted USC QB Cody Kessler. Well, makes sense. Both the Browns and Trojans quarterbacks have had such impressive results in the NFL…. #sarcasm
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Dee Gordon suspended 80 games for PEDS. So much for all those Bonds-bashers who “knew” he was dirty because of his size.
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#LukeWalton is going to be new coach of #Lakers. Presume good $$ Well, at least he won’t have to deal with all this playoff pressure.
#LukeWalton, 36, is new #Lakers coach. Well, Luke was at that awkward age, too old to still be an assistant, too young to play for #Spurs
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A New York pizzeria has introduces a pizza box made out of pizza, with a second pizza inside. Now THIS is a challenge for Pizza Rat.
A new ad in California goes after Cruz and Trump for being dangerous on climate change. Fine, except most potential Cruz and Trump voters don’t believe in climate change.
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John Boehner called Ted Cruz a “miserable son of a bitch” and “Lucifer.” Can just imagine what Boehner would say if he had a chance to get to know Carly Fiorina.
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Loved the Kevin Costner movie “Draft Day,” though it was no doubt unrealistic. On the other hand, if someone had submitted a script including this Laremy Tunsil story….it would have been rejected as completely unbelievable.
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Roger Goodell on radio with Mike and Mike this morning on ESPN about the Tunsil situation. “I think it’s all part of what makes the draft so exciting.” Is the NFL commissioner trying to so be likable that Ted Cruz wants him on his campaign team?
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Apparently protestors surrounded the hotel near San Francisco Airport where Donald Trump is speaking and disrupting traffic. Because making people miss planes is always a good way to get them on your side.
Poor Marissa Mayer. The Yahoo GEO got a $6 million pay cut last year. Although she still made $36 million. Sounds like Mayer is right on track to be fired and then run for office touting her Silicon Valley record of achievement.
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from Marc Ragovin “After being slammed for calling a basketball hoop a “ring,” Ted Cruz said he would atone his mistake the way people do in his birth country, by spending two minutes in the penalty crate.”
As Dee Gordon’s suspension puts the shadow of steroids on baseball again, can we have a moment of reality? The difference between AAA ball, where a player probably won’t make $50k, and major league minimum of about $500,000, is huge. And that’s not even talking about the veteran multi-million dollar contracts.
So let’s see, a whole lot of scientists trying to make undetectable PEDs for the big bucks, and drug testers who probably make closer to minor league money. Who would you bet on?
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: dee gordon jokes, draft jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, luke walton jokes, tunsil jokes
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April 29, 2016
So after interminable hype, the 2016 NFL Draft began tonight. The hype for the 2017 Draft begins next week.
Just wondering, why does team with #1 draft pick need to be on the clock at all. Shouldn’t they have decided by now? #LARams #NFLDraft2016
A pre-draft Change.org petition was circulating asking the Denver Broncos to bring back Tim Tebow. Well, he’d be cheap, he won’t get arrested, and the Broncos did prove they could win a Super Bowl without a QB.
Five Ohio State players picked in the first draft round. After years with Urban Meyer hope they don’t find the NFL too much of a pay cut.
@Saints had drafted #Tunsil @nflcommish Roger Goodell would have suspended the kid for the season on principle.
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President Obama has invited the 1983 NC State NCAA tournament championship team to the White House for a visit. Wonder if they will play a little hoops. Although at this point those guys are almost old enough to play for the Spurs.
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Congrats Paxton Lynch & his agent Leigh Steinberg for the first round pick by the Broncos. Looking like Colin Kaepernick, who remains with the 49ers, is about to discover if money can buy happiness. Because it sure won’t buy him being on a good team.
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Raiders owner Mark Davis said today that he wants to move the team from Oakland to Las Vegas. Of course Roger Goodell has always claimed that the NFL is against gambling. Wonder what the odds on the move are?
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Come on John Boehner, tell us how you really feel. The former Speaker during a talk at Stanford yesterday, about Ted Cruz – “I have Democrat friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a b—h in my life.”
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John Boehner also referred to Ted Cruz as “Lucifer in the flesh.” Lucifier demands an apology.
Caitlyn Jenner took Donald Trump up on his suggestion, used the women’s room at the Trump hotel on the west side of Manhattan, and posted a video about it on FB. The video has received about a million views. Isn’t it great to know Americans are focused on the issues that really matter?
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A USA Today headline “Ted Cruz lays groundwork for last stand in California.” So this is why he chose Carly Fiorina as his potential v.p., because she is so beloved in the state?
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An art teacher in Detroit claims she was fired for using the word “vagina” in talking about Georgia O’Keefe’s paintings. So, she should have used a cruder word?
Melania Trump, posting Friday about a GC artilcle about her life claimed the piece was “yet another example of the dishonest media and their disingenuous reporting. Well, and if there’s any way to make sure that a GQ article will be read…
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April 27, 2016
Okay, if you had someone who had never watched baseball before last night’s SF Giants’ 1-0 win, a Johnny Cueto complete game gem. And then they watched today’s 13-9 game…. well, it would be very hard to explain to them that it’s the same sport.
#NBA worried about #AllStar game in #NorthCarolina, but no one figured they’d need to worry about 2nd or 3rd round playoff games #Hornets
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#Rockets don’t just look like they don’t belong on floor with #Warriors, Houston looks like they don’t belong on floor with #Villanova.
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Justin Bieber picked the Cleveland Cavaliers to win the NBA title. That might be the best news the Warriors, Thunder and Spurs have heard all week.
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He stays, he goes, he stays, he goes…? Apparently 49ers GM Trent Baalke still won’t rule out trading Colin Kaepernick this week. Even Brett Favre is saying, “Dudes, make up your minds.”
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Emily Pitha, a fundraiser for John McCain’s Senate re-election campaign fundraiser, has been arrested in Arizona for a meth lab with LSD, cocaine, heroin, counterfeit cash and bomb-making materials. And who’d a thunk McCain would ever associate with a woman he hadn’t properly vetted.
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Donald Trump accuses Hillary of playing the “woman card.” Ted Cruz picks Carly Fiorina, thereby playing the “madwoman card.”
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Dennis Hastert has been sentenced to 15 months in prison. Yep, the same former speaker who voted with the Moral Majority and co-sponsored a bill against online predators, saying “it sends a strong message to the most heinous of criminals who prey upon our children — you will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.”
I guess preying upon children at school doesn’t count?
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Ted Cruz has apparently picked Carly Fiorina as his running mate. The only person who could make Cruz look likeable by comparison?
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So have to wonder, if Cruz wanted to add a woman to his proposed ticket, why not someone like Nikki Haley, who most people like and respect even if they don’t agree with her.
Hmm, of course maybe he did ask and Haley is smart enough to have said “NFW.”
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Ted Cruz has picked Carly Fiorina for his running mate should he win the nomination. Hmm, wonder who Ben Stiller has picked for his speechwriter should he win an Oscar for Zoolander 2?
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Ted Cruz last night, referencing Hoosiers “The amazing thing is that basketball ring here in Indiana, it’s the same height as it is in New York City and every other place in this country.”
Standby for Cruz’s next speech where he talks about getting into the boxing hoop with Donald Trump.
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Dennis Hastert has been sentenced to 15 months in prison. Yep, the same former speaker who voted with the Moral Majority and co-sponsored a bill against online predators, saying “it sends a strong message to the most heinous of criminals who prey upon our children — you will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.”
I guess preying upon children at school doesn’t count?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bieber jokes, Carly Fiorina jokes, emily pitha, hastert jokes, McCain jokes, rockets jokes, SF Giants jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
April 26, 2016
CNN.com headline “Tiger feels good after first holes of year.” So are we talking golf?
Giancarlo #Stanton just hit a three-run home run off of Clayton #Kershaw. Who does Stanton think he is? Madison #Bumgarner?
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Uh oh, Drew Brees on Roger Goodell. “I think we would all agree that [he] definitely has too much power. He is judge, jury and executioner when it comes to all the discipline. I’m not going to trust any league-led investigation, when it comes to anything.”
So wonder what Goodell is going to do to the Saints this year?
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The Los Angeles #Clippers announced Blake Griffin will be out the rest of the postseason, and Chris Paul will be out, “indefinitely.” Okay, so they’ll both miss two games.
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DeAndre Jordan, with a lifetime 42% FT percentage, managed to shoot 2 consecutive air balls from the line yesterday. Heck I could probably at least hit the rim.
Changing the “hack” rule for people like him is like giving baseball’s free swingers 4 strikes, or giving last year’s 49ers five downs.
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Johnny Manziel has been indicted by a Texas grand jury on an assault charge. Hmm. Maybe Johnny Football REALLY wanted to be picked up by the Cowboys or 49ers.
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#NottheOnion Andrew Luck has started an online book club. And down in the SEC they’re asking “What’s a book?”
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Skip Bayless is leaving ESPN after the NBA finals. So the position of “Most Obnoxious Man” on the network is open.
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Think the only way #KellyRipa could have gotten more media attention lately is if she had started a #Twitter war with #DonaldTrump
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Not sure, but just guessing before round 2 that if asked anyone connected with the San Antonio Spurs will say of course Durant and Westbrook are both superstars. #MarkCuban #hesaindiot
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Apparently a new and successful form of medical marijuana for women with PMS and gynecological pain issues is marijuana suppositories. Kind of puts a whole new slant on “up yours.”
Donald Trump tonight tweeted “Bernie Sanders has been treated terribly by the Democrats—both with delegates & otherwise. He should show them, and run as an Independent!”
Uh, Donald, speaking of feeling badly treated by a party, why don’t YOU run as an independent?”
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Donald Trump tonight said the only thing Hillary has is “the woman’s card” but “women DON’T like her.” Got news for the Donald. women like him less.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Andrew Luck jokes, hack jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, NBA playoffs jokes, NFL jokes, skip bayless jokes, Tiger Woods jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
April 25, 2016
Oops, this one didn’t get posted yesterday . So a bit out of order…. I blame Obama.
Steph Curry’s MRI has worst case looking 3-5 weeks. The good news for Warriors fans, that’s only about another round of the NBA playoffs.
The #Lakers have fired coach #ByronScott. Who’s to say #KobeBryant didn’t get any results his farewell season?
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This week in England they honored Shakespeare on the 400th anniversary of his death in 1616. Curiously enough wasn’t that also Tim Duncan’s rookie year?
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Although in truth, LaMarcus Aldridge giving post-game interview after #Spurs sweep, said “Tim’s 100 years old, he needs the rest.”
Thinking it’s a really good thing San Antonio won today and has a week off, from games and interviews. Because if any reporter made some comment to Popovich about the #Spurs being happy to see Curry hurt it would be ugly.
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When the Grizzlies were trying to avoid sweep by the Spurs, FedEx Forum had an 18 minute power outage. Usually it isn’t literal to say “Turn out the lights, the party’s over.”
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Congrats to the Charlotte Hornets for their first playoff win since 2002. To put that in perspective, in 2002 Warriors coach Steve Kerr was still playing for the Spurs. Along with Tim Duncan, Tony Parker and Manu Ginoboli….
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#Yankees are featured on Monday, Wednesday and #Sundaynightbaseball this week. Good to know #ESPN is already in midseason form.
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John Kasich says his campaign is vetting possible vice presidential running mates. In related news, the Houston Rockets are looking at possible dates for a NBA championship parade.
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Apparently more than 340,000 people have signed a pledge to boycott Target because the store says it will allow customers to use restrooms and fitting rooms matching their gender identity. But wonder how many more millions are now MORE likely to shop there
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Applebee’s is advertising their “2 for $20” menu featuring a burger quesadilla. The sandwich clocks in at about 1,400 calories and over 100 grams of fat. So it’s a good thing it’s a bargain, you need to save the money for a cardiologist.
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Seriously, so glad that the #Nationals were smart enough to give Dusty Baker another chance. Even if it took Bud Black turning the job down first. Bryce Harper post game today – “To be able to have the opportunity to play for Dusty, that desire and that mentality that he brings every single day to let us just have fun to let us enjoy this game,…”
Donald Trump says “I don’t think I’m going to lose, but if I do, I don’t think you’re ever going to see me again.” Wow. Promise?! #Hillaryjustpickedupalotmoresupporters
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: applebees jokes, baseball jokes, Spurs jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
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April 25, 2016
Just thinking, if Moses tried to lead his people out of Egypt today how many would have had to be left behind bitching about food allergies?
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Happy 40th Birthday to Tim Duncan. If the Spurs manage to win him one more ring, San Antonio will have the first NBA championship parade to do the entire route with their left blinkers on.
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Mark Cuban today before game 5 made a comment that Kevin Duran was the “one superstar” on the OKC Thunder, but that Russell Westbrook was ” an All-Star but not a superstar.”
Yeah, that worked out well.
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Grade 1 sprain for Steph Curry. Which means that millions of Warriors fans are suddenly going to become amateur knee doctors for the next few weeks.
ESPN reports that the NFL says no player tested positive for drugs during February’s scouting combine. Meaning either that this year’s draft class is clean, or that they were smart enough not to do anything until AFTER the combine.
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Yeah, professional athletes aren’t quite like the rest of us. Sunday’s “Style” section of the SF Chronicle focused on “FashionWarriors,” Golden State players and their post game looks. Andre Iguodola looked sharp in a sweater pants combination with some expensive jewelry but noted “it’s just an old Gucci sweater, a couple of seasons at least.”
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Panthers RB Cameron Artis-Payne was reportedly arrested for driving 102 in a 65 mph zone in rural North Carolina. Hmm, with that kind of speed maybe Artis-Payne should consider a career change to NASCAR..
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A federal appeals court has ruled in favor of the NFL in the “deflategate” case, and reinstated New England Patriots Tom Brady’s original suspension. Your tax dollars at work.
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Donald Trump is now referring to Ohio’s governor as “1 for 38 Kasich,” based on the 1 state Kasich won. Maybe the Donald isn’t really running for President – he’s trying to be “Triumph, the Insult Dog.”
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Megyn Kelly has announced that Donald Trump has agreed to sit down with her for an interview to air next month. Proving once again, that we CAN all get along – especially when rating$$$$$ are involved.
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Another thought on this bathroom craziness. The talk is mostly of men in women’s rooms. But leaving aside the fact that it isn’t always obvious, do all these alarmists want, for example, a big burly transgender with facial hair who was born female forced to use the ladies’ room?
Karma in mean bitch mode again. Some users want to sue Ashley Madison for revealing their personal information. Except a judge has ruled that to go forward with the lawsuit, they must reveal their real names.
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Sam Bradford has now demanded a trade because he figures the Eagles will draft a better QB. Hmm, sounds like the guy might be a perfect fit for the 49ers.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: curry jokes, duncan jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, NFL draft jokes, Passover jokes, Spurs jokes, Thunder jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 23, 2016
So if it’s a felony to use a bathroom that isn’t your birth gender’s then I and a lot of women who have gotten impatient at sporting events and restaurants etc.are multiple felons.
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#SFGiants get big win, #Duffy gets 3 hits on his bobblehead night. Imagine what they could do with #Skeeter bobblehead night. #duffcat35
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Gregor #Blanco in one game has become #SFGiants leader in triples. #baseballisaweirdgame
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#SFGiants #PitchersWhoRake #wedontneednostinkinDH Peavy joins the party tonight. A friend pointed out that SF Giants pitchers have as many hits – nine – as Albert Pujols.
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So as the NBA considers outlawing the “hack” strategy of intentionally fouling bad free-throw shooters, here’s another idea: Why doesn’t the league require anyone shooting under 50-60% percent from the line to start shooting free throws underhanded?
Apparently NHL postseason viewership is down nearly two-thirds across Canada since no Canadian teams are in the playoffs. And in the U.S. many sports fans are going “the NHL is having playoffs?
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ESPN reported that after the University of Miami’s spring game last week, Hurricanes coach Mark Richt urged his players to help each other stay out of trouble and avoid negative headlines. Today the team suspended RB Mark Walton for a DUI arrest last night. Imagine what he might have done without the warning.
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Marco Rubio now says he’s going to return to the “private sector,” and as to politics “we’ll see if God offers us another opportunity in the future.” And God is thinking “Uh, let’s see, I gave you looks, charm, endorsements and weak competition the first time.. what more do you want?”
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Really? And we wonder why politics are so negative. The U.S. Labor Secretary apparently was one of the DOJ officials involved in mishandling a police shooting case after Katrina that led to the cops’ original conviction being overturned. Fair enough. But the Daily News headline “Hillary Clinton’s potential veep pick, U.S. Labor Secretary Thomas Perez, caught up in bungled case…. “#shehasntevenpickedanyoneyet
Leaving insulting no ethnic group unturned, Trump in a speech yesterday went after outsourcing and used a fake Indian accent in talking about credit card call centers. Some might wonder why he didn’t use the far more annoying airline call center, but of course Trump has never needed to call a commercial airline.
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Hell freezes over alert: Charles Koch,today said Hillary Clinton might make a better president than the candidates in the Republican field. So is this Koch’s way of saying, “I’m rich, conservative but not bat-shit crazy?”
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Regarding Curt Schilling’s mouthing off Twitter and subsequent firing, from Marc Ragovin “Guess ESPN told him to put a bloody sock in it.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: football jokes, hockey jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Rubio jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
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April 22, 2016
#HappyPassover. You know you’re in California when a woman in checkout line is whining about not being able to find gluten-free Matzoh.
Toronto Blue Jays Chris Colabello has been suspended 80 games for PED’s. Uh, considering Colabello was batting .069 this year, it’s hard to see how his performance was enhanced.
In Tennessee, the wife of a high school football coach has been arrested for allegedly sleeping with an underage player. Hmm, did she aspire to be a teacher?
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Commissioner Adam Silver said that a “change in the law” would be necessary for the NBA to keep the 2017 All-Star game in North Carolina. Just wondering, leaving the advertising $$$ out of it, wonder if another factor was players and celebrities not exactly clamoring to spend All-Star week in Charlotte.
Amazing, almost two days of nonstop coverage of the death of #Prince, and no one has yet blamed it on Obama.
When President Obama and Michelle met the Queen and Prince Phillip at Windsor Castle, Philip drove the foursome 400 yards from the helicopter landing pad to the castle itself. Presumably the whole way with his left blinker on?
A Palm Beach zoo is defending itself against some who say they should have fatally shot the tiger who killed a zookeeper instead of tranquilizing it. But come on, the tiger was just standing its ground.
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McDonald’s sales are way up this year after the introduction of all-day breakfast. And I’m sure it’s just coincidence that this coincides with some states legalizing marijuana.
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Who says I never say anything nice about a Dodger? Brandon McCarthy has been in a Twitter argument with Curt Schilling over the bathroom issue, pointing out “What is stopping any pervert from already going into a bathroom not designated for them and doing what they want? Nothing,” And “Curt we’re talking about human beings with emotions and a desire to be accepted in normal society. Lumping them in w/ molesters and abusers is offensive to not only them but to a reasonable argument.” #wellplayed
So while Curt Schilling is going off on the danger of transgenders in women’s bathrooms has he forgotten that the highest profile sports-related (alleged) bathroom sexual assault upon a woman involved Ben Roethlisberger?
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Meanwhile, across the pond, the British Foreign Office is warning gay travelers about the U.S., and “legislation passed recently in North Carolina and Mississippi” “Before traveling please read our general travel advice for the LGBT community. You can find more detail on LGBT issues in the U.S. on the website of the Human Rights Campaign.” #GodBlessMurica #sigh
London Mayor Boris Johnson has gone after President Obama again after Obama wrote an op-ed in the U.K. Telegraph supporting Britain staying in the EU, saying the “part-Kenyan” President had an “ancestral dislike of the British Empire.”
Hmm, maybe Johnson doesn’t want to be Prime Minister, maybe Boris wants to come over here and work for Donald Trump.
Donald Trump’s campaign manager to the RNC “The part that he’s been playing is evolving into the part that now you’ve been expecting, but he wasn’t ready for, because he had first to complete the first phase…”
Right, the “part he’s been playing,” okay, and then the Donald will be out on the campaign trail accusing Hillary of being dishonest.
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Yuck, an asymptomatic pregnant woman in San Francisco who had been to Central America has tested positive for the Zika virus. Now, I would never presume to make this choice for her, but if she chooses to carry the pregnancy to term will the pro-birth crowd be okay with indefinite government funding if the baby is born with microcephaly?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: england jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, McDonalds jokes, NBA jokes, Passover jokes, prince jokes, Queen Elizabeth jokes, schilling jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
April 21, 2016
Wolf Blitzer just referred to #Prince‘s most famous song “Purple Haze.” If #Prince wasn’t dead this might have killed him.
Justin Bieber on Prince “He’s not the last greatest living performer.” As if that might be true of Bieber if he were last man on earth?
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Trying to wrap my head around if Elvis had died during our social media era. Would have really truly broken the internet.
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Next year’s Grammy’s “In Memoriam” segment has been extended by at least an hour.
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Donald Trump is against the decision to put Harriet Tubman on the $20. Well, yeah, the Donald was expecting someday that Andrew Jackson would be replaced with him.
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My friend Rich de Give points out that “in Canada, they’ve already named the $1 coin in honor of native son Ted Cruz.”
So has the #SFGiants offense decided to sit games out in sympathy with an injured #StephCurry?
OK, #Warriors fans, does tonight really mean anything other than a little good news for game 5 ticket holders at #Oracle next week?
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#DwightHoward is likely to leave the #Rockets in free agency. So #Knicks, #Bulls, #Lakers, what team will Dwight underachieve at next?
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Donald Trump is against the decision to put Harriet Tubman on the $20. Well, yeah, the Donald was expecting someday that Andrew Jackson would be replaced with him.
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Donald Trump said if he is elected and the DOJ decides not to prosecute Hillary Clinton over her emails, he would instigate another probe “You have to do it. You have to take a second look,’ Right, because Trump did so well with Obama’s birth certificate?
A #Prince may have died today but Britain’s #Queen celebrated a 90th birthday. Congrats to her Majesty. & no we aren’t taking Elton John.
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When you give Jake #Arrieta 16 runs he is pretty much unstoppable. #Cubs
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Regarding the Curt Schilling ESPN firing, sounds like the former Red Sox star pitcher has a lot in common with Pablo Sandoval – both would have longer careers if they could only keep their mouths shut.Regarding the Curt Schilling ESPN firing, sounds like the former Red Sox star pitcher has a lot in common with Pablo Sandoval – both would have longer careers if they could only keep their mouths shut.
Sears Holdings just announced that it will close 68 Kmart and 10 Sears stores. Shocking. Sears and Kmart still have stores?
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Apparently new bills authorizing FAA require airlines to refund checked baggage fees if bags are delayed 6-24 hours. (House and Senate versions differ.) Well, who says there is no bipartisan agreement in this country? #everybodyhatesairlines
Okay, hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse: “Leave it the way it is…..There have been very few complaints the way it is. People go, they use the bathroom that they feel is appropriate — there has been so little trouble.” This sane comment actually brought to you by Donald Trump?!
Can we have a moment of realism with all this bathroom insanity? I remember some horrific bathroom crimes, a rape and murder of a teacher in Massachusetts, a little girl killed in a Nevada casino…. no doubt there are others. Don’t remember ANY of the bad guys being transgender.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bieber jokes, jancie hough, NBA jokes, prince dead, prince jokes, queen jokes, schilling jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 
As a British Studies major once upon a time, have to note that JD in PA reminds us .”Anyone who had a Shakespeare course in college could tell you that “Bend it like Richard III” should work on at least two levels.#leicesterjokes”