Archive for the ‘sports jokes’ category
August 7, 2016
Guessing #MichaelPhelps‘ next retirement speech will be breaking news before @NBC shows most of his #Rio2016 performances.
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Just wonder, if NBC is so sure that women prefer packaged events, why don’t they do two Sunday Night Footballs? One for guys, and another Monday night with twice as many commercials and edited highlights along with personal stories about the players?
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Olympic rowing has been canceled today due to high winds. On a brighter note maybe the wind will blow some of the sewage away.
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An Olympic kayaker apparently capsized today when he ran into a sofa. Well, at least the sofa didn’t have a body on it.
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So @NBC thinks women don’t care about live sports. or might need to get up early. Top #Rio2016 events tape delayed past 1130p. #cantfixstupid
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Serena and Venus Williams were bounced in the first round of the women’s doubles at the Rio 2016 Olympics. Although by the time NBC gets around showing it on tape delay no doubt one of them will already have won another tournament.
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#MadisonBumgarner has lost 2 complete games 1-0 in 2016. More complete games than most pitchers throw all season. #SFGiants
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#ARod will retire Friday. So he’ll be contributing about as much to the #Yankees offense as he has been all season.
#ARod released by #Yankees. He will serve as an “advisor”but technically he could sign w/ another team. #SFGiants not that desperate. Yet.
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Having traded two star relievers and with A-Rod retiring, the Yankees are becoming a team of no-names. But those no-names will still get a lot more national TV exposure than the players on the division leading Orioles, Indians and Rangers.
Quite a love fest from former 49ers players etc for Eddie Debartolo on his election to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. But not much mention of 1992 allegations of him sexually assaulting a waitress in California, and the reported $200,000 out-of-court settlement. Boys will be boys and owners will be owners?
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Jeb Bush’s son George P. Bush, a Texas Land Commissioner, is now saying his fellow Republicans should support Donald Trump. And somewhere W. is thinking, “now who’s the stupid one?”
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Oliver North is attacking Obama over an alleged ransom payment to Iran for hostages. So Ollie thinks the President was too wimpy to send them arms instead?
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John Kasich has indicated he can’t support Donald Trump, and it will be “very very difficult” for Trump to win Ohio. But Kasich also says he thinks a Clinton White House would result in “total gridlock.”
As opposed to what we have now?
Donald Trump announced that he would ‘walk’ from Japan, Germany, South Korea and other allies if they don’t commit to defending America and or paying their “fair share” of NATO fees.
This guy is gunning for a new game “Trump Insult Bingo.” Wouldn’t be hard to win.
From T.C., as it approaches football season: “Seattle head coach Pete Carroll has been given a three-year extension with the Seahawks. Owner Paul Allen figures that should be more than enough time for Carroll to design a play that will score a TD from the one-yard line.” . . .
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, madbum jokes, Olympic jokes, rio jokes, tape delay jokes
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August 6, 2016
Statement from NBC’s Chief Marketing Officer John Miller last month about their tape delayed coverage “The people who watch the Olympics are not particularly sports fans. More women watch the Games than men, and for the women, they’re less interested in the result and more interested in the journey.” #nottheOnion
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So NBC tape delays #Olympics because women don’t like sports & prefer reality TV. On behalf of all women fans to NBC – Bless your heart
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Maybe @NBC’s offensive comments about women and watching sports are just a blatant attempt to steal viewers from @FoxNews? #Rio2016
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Loved watching #Olympics as a child in all kinds of time zones. Waiting to see a world record 4 hr later just doesn’t compare. @NBC sucks.
As much as I don’t look forward to Fox and #JoeBuck having #SuperBowl2017 at least they won’t put it on tape delay because of women. @NBC
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Nigeria’s team almost late to #Olympics2016 because of problem w/ charter flight. They made mistake of contracting with a Nigerian prince?
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An American won the first gold of the Summer Olympics, in the 10 meter air rifle. Well, and shouldn’t we be the best at shooting guns? We have the most of them.
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Meanwhile, North Korea is at the #OlympicGames And their official state newspaper is already reporting on the dozen medals they have won.
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A French gymnast broke his leg while competing in a vaulting event today. Gymnastics fans are thinking “how horrible.” Wonder how many non fans are thinking “Hmm, now that I might tune in to watch.”
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These #TeamUSA basketball games have all the drama of #SEC college football games – like this year’s Alabama vs Western Kentucky. #Rio2016
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The story now is that the Team USA basketball players who ended up in a Rio brothel were there accidentally because they thought it was a spa. I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.
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Going into today’s SF Giants vs. Washington Nationals game: Matt Cain. 3-6, 5.53 ERA, Stephen Strasburg, 15-1, 2.63 ERA #soyouaresayingtheresachance
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The Yankees have a press conference scheduled tomorrow, possibly about Alex Rodriguez, who will make $21 million this year, and is owed $21 million next year, whether or not he plays. To put that in perspective, the Astros payroll this year is $69 million.
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Brett Favre said tonight that his Hall of Fame induction speech was “harder than any third-and-15.” Maybe because Favre realizes that no HOFer has ever rescinded his retirement?
Marco Rubio said today that a pregnant woman infected with Zika virus, even if she thinks the child would be born with severe microcephaly, does not have the right to an abortion.
And of course the Florida senator also proposed that government should pay for lifetime care for such a child. Oh, wait, never mind.
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Donald Trump’s latest “Unstable Hillary Clinton, lacks the judgment, temperament and moral character to lead this country..She’s really pretty close to unhinged, and you’ve seen, you’ve seen it a couple times…she’s like an unbalanced person.”
Guess it’s not just Melania’s speechwriter who’s stealing phrases from Democrats.
Categories: baseball jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Canada jokes, Janice Hough, nbc is a joke, NBC jokes, Olympic jokes, rio jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
August 5, 2016
NBC not only tape delays #Rio2016 they’re broadcasting at different times across US. Good luck if you talk to friends in other time zones.
Viewers unhappy at @NBC tape-delaying #Rio2016 an hour w/ commercials. Except on West Coast #OpeningCeremony will be OVER before they start.
At least 3 NBA players in Rio were seen going into a brothel. Clearly Rio is not ready for the Olympics. Shouldn’t the groupies be in place by now?
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A Moroccan boxer has been arrested for allegedly sexually assaulting two maids at the Olympic Village. And presumably also for stupidity – he couldn’t find thousands of women happy to sleep with an Olympic athlete?
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The USA men’s and women’s basketball teams are staying on a luxury cruise ship docked in Rio, instead of at the Olympic Village where Andrew Bogut has tweeted about no shower curtains and bed issues.
Carmelo Anthony was asked about it “We have the same amenities as if we’re staying in a hotel, so I don’t really see what the (discussion is about). The beds are not big. The rooms are small. There’s some disadvantages to staying on the ship.” And Carmelo said all this with a straight face
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Some Olympic swimmers have been practicing with snorkels as the water looks “cloudy.” So when the events begin will we see the first ever hazmat wetsuits?
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Brazil has become the butt of jokes before the 2016 Olympics. #ThirdWorldProblems. But then there’s the US, where NBC still won’t show events live. #Firstworldproblems
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The new head of ABC has vowed there will be more “diversity” on “The Bachelor.” So this means instead of blond and brunette men, they might go for a redhead?
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The #Yankees have a press conference today about an impending retirement. Unfortunately for Yankee fans, it’s Mark Teixeira, not #ARod
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Mike Henriques, the Oakland A’s strength and conditioning coach, was suspended for allegedly putting a hidden camera in the Coliseum weight room to spy on players. Well, and looking at the A’s record, a lot of good it did him.
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Go #redsox. But at some point #Dodgers losing has to stop being @SFGiants strategy for winning NLWest.
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Scott Silverthorne, the mayor of Fairfax, VA, was arrested today for an alleged “meth-for-sex” scheme. SIlverthorne is also a substitute teacher. Wonder if he did his training in Albuquerque?
From my funny friend Jerry Perisho: “There’s good news concerning the contaminated water at the Olympics in Rio. The Zika mosquitoes are dying of Dysentery.”
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Tom Brady told reporters his decision finally to accept the NFL’s suspension was a “personal decision.” As in personally Brady figured he was spending more money on lawyers than he would lose in the suspension?
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Here’s another commie pinko journalist attacking Donald Trump: “Here is a truth of life. When you act as if you’re insane, people are liable to think you’re insane…. There’s a clueless quality about him. It’s not that he doesn’t get advice; it’s that he can’t hear advice, can’t process it or turn it into action.”
The writer? Peggy Noonan.
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The last line of an Los Angeles Times op-ed. Pass it on. The writer is Bernie Sanders: “I understand that many of my supporters are disappointed by the final results of the nominating process, but being despondent and inactive is not going to improve anything. Going forward and continuing the struggle is what matters. And, in that struggle, the most immediate task we face is to defeat Donald Trump.”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: brazil jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Olympic jokes, Olympics jokes, opening ceremony jokes, Team USA jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 4, 2016
All of these emails today urging me to sign President Obama’s birthday card. Now saying “last chance” or “urgent.” Somehow I think he’ll get over not seeing my name.
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#SFGiants got a runner on 3rd home with less than two out on a sacrifice fly today. Hope this isn’t a sign of apocalypse.
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And with his 10th inning game winning home run, can Giants call Denard’s hit a “Span over troubled water?”
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Paul Ryan says that Donald Trump has had a “strange” run since the Republican National Convention. In other news the speaker has announced that water is wet.
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Approval ratings for President Obama at 54%, highest of his 2nd term. As most Americans realize how much they will miss him.
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It’s looking like this will be Alex Rodriguez’s last year. Wonder if other teams will start gifting A-Rod commemorative cushions for while he sits on the bench.
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Framingham State University in Massachusetts has canceled future Cinco de Mayo events after a student complained about the decorations and burrito bar “‘I feel as though whenever an event like this is taking place we go straight to stereotypes and it is EXTREMELY offensive!’
What’s next? Waiting for someone to complain that the 4th of July is offensive to those of British heritage.
Apparently a convoy of tourists in Afghanistan was attacked by the Taliban and at least six were injured. Shocking. There are tourists now in Afghanistan?
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An 11 year old boy in North Carolina asked Mike Pence “I’ve been watching the news lately and I’ve been noticing lately that you’ve been kind of softening up on Mr. Trump’s policies and words. Is this going to be your role in the administration?”
This kid has more cojones than most journalists, can one of the networks sign him up?
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The man accused of killing nine African-Americans in a Charleston church was apparently attacked and beaten today by a fellow inmate in jail today. “I feel so sorry for him” said no one.
If someone had written a novel about @realDonaldTrump’s Presidential campaign it would have been rejected by editors as too unbelievable.
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#RussellWestbrook reportedly deleted #KevinDurant‘s farewell text to him. So “You had me at good bye?”
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A young man with “mental health issues” in London is apparently responsible for fatally stabbing one woman and injuring several other people. Can only imagine had he been in the US with access to guns.
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Sad, a knife attack in London has left 1 dead and several injured. A 19 year-old man is in custody. While terrorism remains a possibility,” the police say “mental health was a significant factor.”
“Mental health?” No race or religion to blame? Well, carry on then…
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From Gerry. W., a fee that could make airlines millions, and that many travelers would actually applaud: http://www.cbc.ca/beta/comedy/funnystuff/air-canada-to-start-charging-for-emotional-baggage-in-2017-1.3631162
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, Janice Hough, Obama jokes, pence jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 7 Comments
August 2, 2016
For the SFGiants
So is #Duffcat a voodoo cat? And is he really ticked off @SFGiants traded #MattDuffy?
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Post #Skeeter what the Giants may really need is kittens. LOTS of kittens.
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#SFGiants scored twice as many runs for #Madbum as they had in his last 3 starts. Unfortunately he allowed as many runs as in last 3 starts
Well, looks like the #Dodgers are getting the same post-trade deadline “bounce” as the #SFGiants.
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UNC has responded to several serious NCAA charges including academic fraud by denying that the NCAA has authority to handle the matter. So are the Tarheels trying to join the SEC?
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#JohnMcEnroe threw out 1st pitch at Citifield before Yankees Mets game; he , was both fast & accurate. How many teams are bidding to add him to bullpen?
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Lebron James says even though he brought a title to Cleveland with the Cavaliers, “My motivation is this ghost I’m chasing, The ghost played in Chicago.” (Michael Jordan.) Uh, Lebron, he’s not dead yet.
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Who will regret their decision first – #TheBachelorette? Or some #MLB team who made a major trade at the deadline? #toosoon?
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Dallas Cowboys LB Ronaldo McClain has been suspended for 10 games reportedly for “purple drank” – Sprite, cough syrup and codeine. So wonder if he will claim it was a tainted punch?
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An AP review says there is the evidence for flossing is “weak, very unreliable” and “the majority of available studies fail to demonstrate that flossing is generally effective in plaque removal.”
So does that mean we’ve all been just flossing for the fun of it?
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More resignations over the DNC email hacks today. But seriously, shouldn’t this be a reminder – you don’t post pictures of your junk, and you don’t put anything you wouldn’t want to see on the front page in an email.
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Eric Trump, saying sexual harassment “should be addressed,” But regarding his sister, “Ivanka is a strong, powerful woman, she would not allow herself to be subjected to it,”
Can’t wait to hear the response when someone asks him about rape.
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At a speech, @realDonaldTrump called for a crying baby to be removed. And later he fired the person who put the mirror on stage.
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Longtime former Chris Christie aide Maria Comella, a Republican, “Donald Trump has been a demagogue this whole time, preying on people’s anxieties with loose information and salacious rhetoric.” She says she will vote for Hillary Clinton, adding that the GOP is “at a moment where silence isn’t an option.”
The Donald is going to have to hire a full-time aide to tell him who to send nasty tweets about.
Meg Whitman announced tonight that while she remains a Republican and “I don’t agree with her (Hillary) on very many issues, she would be a much better president than Donald Trump.” So Whitman will vote for, donate to and fund raise for Clinton.
So time to start a pool on which GOP figure will be next?
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Seems like we just had #4thOfJuly & now it’s “#BackToSchool” sales Can #Christmas decorations be far behind?
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, flossing jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Meg Whitman jokes, the Bachelorette jokes
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July 27, 2016
Another Obama speech that is so good Donald Trump may follow Melania in copying it.
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“Democracy isn’t a spectator sport.” I love this president. @BarackObama
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That moment not when candidate you worked for gets elected, but when after 8 years Americans wish he could stay longer #Potus #BarackObama
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So how quickly can we repeal that 22nd amendment?
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In reality TV terms, #PresidentObama is making a very strong case for @realDonaldTrump not to get a rose.
#BarackObama reminds us we don’t need to wait for gold medals to be proud of our country. #USAUSAUSA
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Bumper sticker line of the night from #PresidentObama “Don’t boo, vote.”
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Michael Bloomberg “I’m from New York, I know a con when I see one.” And @realDonaldTrump responds, yeah, but which shell is the ball under?
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“We don’t look to be ruled.” Yeah, actually wasn’t that the point in the first place? #USAUSAUSA #PresidentObama #DemConvention
Note to Donald Trump, if Americans really wanted to be ruled again we’d invite William & Kate & those adorable kids over to do it.
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#MichaelBloomberg wins for this year’s best display of billionaire on billionaire violence.
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#Bloomberg “This is not reality television, this is reality.” Waiting for the #DonaldTrump rebuttal
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#TimKaine, “Semper fi” And #DonaldTrump is ready to attack him for not speaking English. #DemConvention
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#TimKaine may not be exciting but nice job of explaining how @realDonaldTrump ‘s “Believe me” is his way of telling Americans to go f*ck themselve
Trump supporters saying Americans don’t care about details like his tax returns. But they do care about Hillary’s email server?
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Watching #GabbyGiffords. Impressive. What a president she might have made. #DemConvention
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#HillaryClinton has many regular people attest to how nice she is. And #Trump had his kids say how nice he is to regular people.
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Anthony Weiner said he would come out of retirement if Donald Trump Jr. ran for mayor, and “beat him like a rented mule.” Well, so much for the PETA vote.
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So what an interesting trailer for a satirical movie, a presidential candidate of a major party asking another country to meddle in the US election. Oh wait. That was real. Never mind.
Just imagine the reaction if #HillaryClinton or #BarackObama even joked that #Russia should hack #RNC emails for a change
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Bill O’Reilly said of the slaves who built the White House, they were “well-fed and had decent lodging.” Unlike many of the people that have labored on many of Trump’s buildings
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So I’m not loving this Donald Trump starring role in Vladimir Putin’s remake of the Manchurian Candidate. #Russia #Emails
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#JohnHinckley being released. Just think, if Jodie Foster could have come out of closet sooner Reagan and Brady would not have been shot.
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#SFGiants having slumber party on the field for fans tonight. Hitters did not get the message it wasn’t for them too.
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Wonder how much most #MLB teams would give up to get players at trade deadlines like #HunterPence, #MattDuffy & #JoePanik #SFGiants #DL
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bloomberg jokes, convention jokes, dnc, dnc jokes, dncjokes, Janice Hough, kaine jokes, Obama jokes, Trump jokes
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July 25, 2016
Often imitated, never duplicated #MichelleObama
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“This right now is the greatest country on Earth.” And @BarackObama gets reminded again that he married up. #MichelleObama #DemsInPhilly”
Is it being too much of a girl to have been in love w/ #MichelleObama‘s speech & at same time going “I love her hair? Asking for a friend
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How often do people say “Tonight I am proud to be from New Jersey?” #CoryBooker #DNCinPhilly
(“You can’t love your country without loving your countrymen and women. #CoryBooker tonight)
Love #bridgeovertroubledwater, but tonight Simon w/o Garfunkel showed why going it alone isn’t enough. #StrongerTogether #DemsInPhilly
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Another woman who, even if she doesn’t get everything she wanted, still rolls up her sleeves to get to work. #ElizabethWarren #DemsInPhilly
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Since 2004, I was and remain (albeit older) an Obama girl. Hillary Clinton got almost the same number of votes, 18 million, in the 2008 Primaries as Barack Obama. So it’s understandable that her very disappointed supporters did their best to disrupt the 2008 DNC convention. Oh wait, they didn’t. Never mind.
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A simple statement for Bernie fans, with Clinton elected, Bernie Sanders will have much more power in USA than under Trump.
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Earlier today word that some of Sanders’ supporters have “serious interest” in a “formal challenge” to replace Kaine on the ticket.
Sigh, are they trying to prove this IS their first rodeo?
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Also earlier today, reports of Sanders delegates booing… Bernie?! WTF? Is this the result of too many years of participation trophies. #DemsInPhilly
All of this politics as reality TV is getting really confusing: At one point during #DemsinPhilly do Hillary and Bernie retire to Fantasy Suite?
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Don’t get me wrong, putting what they did in emails was stupid. But just wondering how many folks condemning #DNC would be OK with coworkers, friends & family seeing what they wrote about them in their emails.
“Do I regret standing up for what I believe in? Absolutely not. Do I regret saying business should not be first before winning? Absolutely not.” Fine sentiments from White Sox pitcher Chris Sale, but dude, we’re talking about UNIFORMS. #acutabove
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Cubs have now lost 4 straight starts by Jake Arrieta, SFGiants have lost 5 of 7 starts by Madison Bumgarner. Time for these two pitchers to start an “Offenses anonymous” club?
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#SFGiants really need to start doing a better job again distracting us in the Bay Area from trivial things like the fate of our country.
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#BarryBonds turned 52 years old yesterday. And he could still probably outhit most of the #SFGiants current lineup.
Is it going to take Madison Bumgarner hitting again on Wednesday to get #SFGiants back on track out of this slump?
Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #DNCinPhilly, bernie jokes, chris sale jokes, Clinton jokes, dnc jokes, Janice Hough, Michelle Obama, SF Giants jokes
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July 24, 2016
So we don’t have a woman president, yet but we do have @jessmendoza on @ESPN Sunday Night Baseball. It’s a start!
#SFGiants don’t really want Aroldis Chapman (cost and last year’s domestic violence arrest.) But they’d be fine with the #Yankees not trading him to #Nationals before next weekend’s series.
#MikeMayers, MLB debut, 1.1 inning, 9 runs, 60.75 ERA. I feel for his mother. #LAvsSTL
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Chris Sale has been suspended five games for destroying his team’s throwback uniforms, which he didn’t want to wear, before Saturday’s game. On the other hand, he’s been offered freelance contracts by a lot of college football fans.
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While #ChrisSale is serving that 5 game suspension could he come to #SF & cut up #SFGiants road uniforms? They don’t apparently work anymore.
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Australian athletes are not moving into the Olympic village because they say it’s “uninhabitable,” with numerous safety issues. And Rio’s mayor responded “I almost feel like putting a kangaroo in front of their building to make them feel at home.” #whatiftheyhadanOlympicsandnobodycame?
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The #IOC will not completely ban #Russia from the #RioOlympics. And many Russian athletes are thinking now “Damn, so this means we have to go?
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#Trump, disbelieving Roger Ailes charge “because he’s a very good person,” & because #theDonald never considered that behavior harassment?
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Oxymoron online ad of the day – “Upgrade to Yahoo search.”
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Business Insider reports that many Kmart employees expect the company soon to close all their stores. And many Americans are going “Kmart still has stores?”
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Donald Trump now proposes stop immigration “from any nation that has been compromised by terrorism,” and wouldn’t rule out France and Germany. Uh, actually would the Donald like to find ONE country that doesn’t have terrorism, including the USA?
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But if #Trump‘s idea of banning immigrants from countries “compromised by terrorism” catches on around the world, it could be rough for Americans trying to move to Canada
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Have no problem with removing Debbie Wasserman Schultz as head of the DNC for the convention and beyond. But anyone want to hazard a guess what the RNC internal emails might look like about Trump and others in the GOP primaries?
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Critics are saying #HillaryClinton should have had #DebbieWassermanSchultz fired. Uh, and who’s to say she didn’t?
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V.P. note for grouchy Dems who wanted someone other than Tim Kaine: Cory Booker, Sherrod Brown & Elizabeth Warren, all would’ve had their Senate seats filled by GOP governors.
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Would have loved Clinton to take Booker. But Kaine ups her likability quotient. And I could get used to hearing “Senate Majority Leader Warren.”
Don’t get me wrong, I love Republican chaos. But some of same Democrats who are gleefully looking forward to November with the GOP not rallying behind Trump are also saying that Sanders shouldn’t throw his support to Clinton.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ailes jokes, baseball joke, bernie jokes, convention jokes, debbie wasserman schultz jokes, dnc jokes, dws jokes, Janice Hough, Olympics jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 22, 2016
Hillary Clinton has selected Tim Kaine as her running mate. #YesWeKaine
Donald Trump “Tim Kaine may be fluent in Spanish but he can’t make a taco bowl as good as the one in Trump Tower.”
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So #Panik on DL, #Duffy on DL, and the #SFGiants gold-glove winning shortstop is the one who makes 3 errors in game….#WTF #SFGiants
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If Bochy had resisted the urge to use DH, #Madbum would have been up in bottom of 4th with bases loaded instead of Blanco. #SFGiants.
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Fortunately since he is not pitching Saturday Madison Bumgarner is available to pinch hit.
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RIP #DennisGreen. Stanford fans remember him for the important things – he went 3-0 in Big Games, and his 1990 team upset #1 Notre Dame.
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Many Americans are unaware that #HillaryClinton is a year younger than #DonaldTrump. Maybe because she has an age appropriate spouse?
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Alas, it’s been almost 10 years since we lost the woman who really should have been commenting on Trump’s speech, but her comment on Pat Buchanan’s speech from 1992 will do just fine: “It probably sounded better in the original German.” #MollyIvins
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But here’s the 2016 quote: “I’m overjoyed to see Donald Trump and most Americans embrace most of the issues that I’ve championed for years. My slogan remains America first.” David Duke
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Yep, she’s the Donald’s daughter alright. After her speech last night, Ivanka Trump posted a tweet. About her policies, promises, politics.. ? Nope.
“Shop Ivanka’s look from her #RNC speech” with a link where to buy the dress at Macy’s.
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The dress #IvankaTrump wore for her speech last night, from her own clothing line, was made in China. #MakeAmericaFakeAgain
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#IvankaTrump did look pretty in dress at #RNC from her own clothing line Wonder if she looked like fairy princess to children who made it?
How often do I say this, but well played #STLCards, well played! #silverlining in a tough week. 16 innings against #Dodg-ers. #SFGiants
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Knicks point guard Derrick Rose “With these teams right now, they’re saying us and Golden State are the super teams, and they’re trying not to build that many super teams.”
Uh, is Rose daring the NBA to drug test him?
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One of #Trump‘s tweets last night – “This is a movement.” Yes, a bowel movement. #RNCinCLE
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So in all seriousness, we heard a lot last night about how much Trump’s employees adored him. But I’ve been in the travel industry a long time, never heard any of the love – have gotten things like this direct quote from an unidentified employee at an unidentified Trump hotel – back in 2012 -“Just so you know he does not own the hotel – we all hate his policies!!!!”
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And a contender for airline euphemism for the day, from Southwest. “We continue to manage through lingering disruptions following performance issues across multiple technology systems Wednesday,”
Translation, “We’re still cleaning up from our complete bleeping computer crash.”
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, kaine jokes, sfgjants jokes
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July 20, 2016
Right about now after the last week both the SF Giants and GOP have to be hoping to see Bobby come out of that shower. #Dallas
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#SFGiants have had the lead in exactly one inning since the All-Star break.
#SFGiants feeling sorry for #Dodgers with #Kershaw potentially needing back surgery. Maybe they can ship #Cain to #LA as a replacement.
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#SFGiants have had the lead in exactly one inning since the All-Star break.
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The Big 12 is thinking of expanding in football, from 10 teams to 12. Arithmetic, what a concept.
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Paul Ryan, at a meeting of the Texas GOP, talked about the football rivalries like A&M and Texas, “When one of the teams advances to a big bowl game or a national championship, don’t you root for the Aggies if you are a Longhorn?”
The speaker got booed. Good thing Ryan didn’t try that in the Florida delegation with the Gators and Seminoles. He might still be in intensive care.
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Paul Ryan also talked about Ohio State and Michigan rooting for each other in bowl games because they were in the same conference. Does the man realize that Ohio is in an open-carry state?
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Well, not sure what @realDonaldTrump might plagiarize on Thursday, but just guessing it won’t be Reagan’s “tear down that wall.” #RNCinCLE
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Reports are that John #Kasich turned down an offer to be “most powerful VP in history.” So was @HillaryClinton reaching across the aisle?
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So wait, if #MeredithMcIver wrote speech what about lie Melania told about writing it herself. #IOYIYR #IOKIYT (It’s OK if you’re Republican, or Trump.)
#MeredithMcIver to take blame. Will Trump fire her? Not for plagiarizing but for saying for saying Melania always admired #MichelleObama
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Donald Trump “Good news is Melania’s speech got more publicity than any in the history of politics especially if you believe that all press is good press!”
So how is the Donald going to start his speech Thursday? “Four score and seven years ago, all we had to fear was fear itself, but I have a HUGE dream that it’s time for Americans to ask what they can do for their country….”
After watching #RNCinCLE a lot of people are thinking by comparison that #OscarsNotSoWhite
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So, okay, I think I’ve got this straight: The GOP wants Loretta Lynch to be disqualified as U.S. Attorney General for prejudice after her meeting with Bill Clinton. But it’s okay for Chris Christie to have the role after saying Hillary should be locked up. #SMH
N.H. GOP state rep and Trump advisor Al Baldasaro said Hillary Clinton “should be put in the firing line and shot for treason.” Uh, speaking of treason, doesn’t threatening a potential President fall into that category?
So @realDonaldTrump says #TedCruz didn’t “honor his pledge” And who should be more expert on not honoring pledges than man married 3 times.
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Not that I quote Caitlyn Jenner almost ever, but on the bathroom issue, she noted that former Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, former Mississippi Rep. Jon Hinson & former Florida state Rep. Bob Allen had all been arrested for “lewd behavior” in men’s restrooms,
“Maybe what we should do is ban Republican representatives at a state level from being in the men’s room.
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A Florida girl not chosen to be a cheerleader has threatened to sue if she isn’t named to the high school team. #ifonlyshewerearmed
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Apparently many Twitter users were incensed that Megyn Kelly was wearing a spaghetti strap form-fitting top today to cover the RNC for Fox. Probably all Republicans. Democratic women would support Megyn’s right to dress as she pleases, and men would think the incident deserves a longer investigation.
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How often does @HillaryClinton applaud #TedCruz? #RNCinCLE
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Did #Trump give #TedCruz an #RNC speaking slot because Cruz’s dad still might know some of those assassins? #Fearfactor #RNCinCLE
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MikePence, “I’m a Christian, a conservative and a Republican, in that order.” Just like it says in the U.S. Constitution…. #RNCinCLE #WTF?
Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: convention jokes, Cruz jokes, Dodgers jokes, GOP jokes, Paul Ryan jokes, RNC jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 15, 2016
ESPN reports that the Yankees, at 44-44, are 38 losses away from their first under .500 season since 1992.
(No punchline, just with all the crap going on in the world I felt like sharing it. And after tonight, 37.)
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Roger Goodell “I think all of us have evolved a little bit on the gambling. To me, where I cross the line is anything that can impact that integrity of the game.” “Integrity of the game?!” And Goodell said it with a straight face.
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Our long national nightmare is over: Tom Brady has announced he will “no longer proceed with the legal process,” and serve his four-game Deflategate suspension.
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GOP #TrumpPence ticket has #TP logo. If some creative #Dem isn’t selling bathroom tissue by Monday, will be very disappointed in America
New slogan for @HillaryClinton – “Clinton 2016, because TP will just take America down the toilet.”
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Will #MikePence support right of Indiana businesses not to display that tightly interwoven TP logo on religious freedom grounds? #TrumpPence
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With Mick Jagger having another child at the age of 72, how long before some company comes up with a combo pack of father-baby diapers?
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There has been an attempted military coup going on in Turkey and apparently at the moment “it is unclear who is in charge.”
Well, the same can often be said of Washington, D.C.
This is not a good weekend for Europe. But have to wonder, just how upset is Donald Trump that events have overtaken his VP selection for headline news?
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Looking at the Emmy nominations makes me feel old- I remember when network shows actually got nominated.
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So now we have this new summer “Black Friday” and all these announced sales? For what reason, because somehow Americans don’t have enough stuff? #sarcasm
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Newt Gingrich, in a last ditch attempt to overtake Mike Pence on the crazy train to be Trump’s running mate: We should “test every person here who is of a Muslim background, and if they believe in Sharia, they should be deported,”
Of course, those who are anti-minority, anti-gay and/or anti-women for “Western” reasons, well, not only should they not be deported but heaven forbid we stop them being armed.
Jeb Bush, in an op-ed today in the Washington Post said some in the GOP were “making us seem anti-immigrant, anti-woman, anti-science, anti-gay, anti-worker and anti-common-sense.”
SEEM????!
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Brady jokes, Goodell jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, pence jokes, tp jokes, Trump jokes, Yankees jokes
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July 15, 2016
Got busy and was late to post a #BastilleDay message. And then it was no longer a “Happy Bastille Day.” On the other hand, if terrorists take the joy from celebratory holidays then the bad guys have truly won. So, here’s an early wish – “Happy 2017 Bastille Day.”
It’s getting really tiring to say, if we stop laughing, the bad guys win. But here, on Bastille Day, “Quand tu regarderas le ciel, la nuit, puisque j’habiterai dans l’une d’elles, puisque je rirai dans l’une d’elles, alors ce sera pour toi comme si riaient toutes les etoiles. Tu auras, toi, des etoiles qui savent rire.” From Le Petit Prince, for Nice.
En Anglaise, “The Little Prince,” “In one of those stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night.”
Too many laughing stars tonight.
Forget wars & bombings, if we really want to stop ISIL introduce them to #PokemonGo They’ll be too distracted to plan any real damage.
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Of course sports is insignificant compared to the killings in Nice. But it sure would be nice to have the distraction Thursday night of a baseball game.
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Some mixed stories about the robot at Stanford Shopping Center that allegedly ran over the foot of a small child. Including that the child may have gotten a bit away from his parents and approached the robot on his own.
Now, it’s too soon to know the exact details, and presumably there is surveillance video, but robots, dogs, fountains…. shouldn’t parents at the mall also be responsible enough to keep a close eye on their young children?
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Tim Tebow posted tonight saying his appearance at the GOP National Convention is “just a rumor.” Maybe because WWJD means even Jesus would say “Are you nuts?”
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List of speakers is out for the GOP convention. Even Dancing with the Stars #DWTS is thinking “Couldn’t they get any real celebrities?”
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Bill O’Reilly “I stand by Roger Ailes 100 percent,” saying he’s the “best boss” he’s ever had. Uh, yeah, well while I have never been an Ailes fan, pretty sure Roger never hit on O’Reilly.
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The Log Cabin Republicans have complained that the GOP passed most anti-LGBT platform in history. Well, they should be just thrilled about Trump’s pick of Indiana Gov. Mike Pence, who originally signed into law one of the more anti-LGBT bills in recent history.
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Upscale cruise line Seabourn is collaborating with Molton Brown tor “Signature Scents” to remind “guests of the experience of their Seabourn cruise long after they’ve returned home – “Immersive Samphire & Eucalyptus, and “Inspiring Basil & Vetiver.”
Now that’s Seabourn. I shudder to think if Carnival Cruise Lines follows suit
Mick Jagger, 72, is reportedly expecting his eighth child, with current Melanie Hamrick, 29. Of course this time, late night feedings will be no problem. Jack Flash will be jumping up to pee.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough
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July 13, 2016
So imagine what turnout could be in November if we put #Pokestops in voting booths. ##PokemonGO
At Stanford Shopping Center in California, a roving security robot allegedly ran over a toddler’s foot and knocked the child down. Was the robot texting at the time?
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So the MLB All-Star Game is over, and now we again realize that after a voting process many people didn’t take very seriously, the result actually counts. Sort of like the GOP primary.
Tim Duncan, in talking about his retirement from the NBA, said he could “probably still play, but “It wasn’t fun at times. And I always said when that point comes when it’s not fun anymore then I’m done.”
And many of the 76ers, Knicks and Kobe’s ex-teammates, for starters, said “You mean it’s supposed to be fun?”
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NBA commissioner Adam Silver just said that Kevin Durant going to the Warriors is “not ideal from a league standpoint.” Well, I’m sure that makes the Lakers feel so much better about their 2011 vetoed trade for Chris Paul.
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In Nashville, a man had his face covered with toilet paper while he robbed a store. Witnesses said he appeared a little flushed.
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The College Football Playoff is considering moving the semifinals from Dec. 31. “”We’re thinking about if New Year’s Eve is the way to go.”
Uh let’s see, last year’s Orange and Cotton Bowl semi-finals on Dec. 31 had 38.5 & 36.5 % drops in ratings from the year before. What was their first clue?
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Interesting to see how many Republicans are upset by GInsburg’s anti-Trump comments and want her to recuse herself in cases going forward. Of course, these are the same people who wanted Scalia to recuse himself when his son was working for the firm George W. hired for Bush vs. Gore. #sarcasm
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Forget what she thinks of Trump, now that the 2nd US Circuit Court has denied Tom Brady’s appeal, we really need to know what Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg thinks of the Patriots.
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Indiana Gov. Mike Pence is on Trump’s VP short list. Before anyone gets the sense that the Donald is considering getting off the crazy train, remember that in 2012 then congressman Pence likened the Supreme Court’s ruling upholding the Democratic health care law to 9-11.
As Trump decides on his running mate, has anyone told Donald unlike marriage, he can’t just trade his choice in later on a younger model?
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Trump apparently will announce his VP pick Friday. “It’s a little bit like ‘The Apprentice,” said Newt Gingrich, “You find out sooner or later who the last one standing is.”
Forget “The Apprentice,” isn’t it more like ‘Last Comic Standing.”?
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The GOP is reportedly $6 million short of the $64 million fundraising goal they had for the convention next week in Cleveland. Can’t Trump get Mexico to pay for it?
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Another reason Tim Duncan might have waited until this week to retire – it was too late for him to have to been “honored” at the ESPYs.
But the best of the ESPYs, if that’s not an oxymoron, was a great speech, seriously, from Craig Sager, diagnosed with terminal leukemia, “I’ve run with the bulls in Pamplona. I’ve raced with Mario Andretti in Indianapolis. I have climbed the Great Wall of China. I have jumped out of aeroplanes over Kansas. I have wrestled gators in Florida. I have sailed the ocean with Ted Turner. I swam with the oceans in the Caribbean. And I have interviewed Gregg Popovich, mid-game, Spurs down seven..
If I have learned anything through all of this, it is that each and every day is a canvas waiting to be painted, an opportunity for love, for fun, for living, for learning.”
Categories: baseball jokes, basketball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Supreme court jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: duncan jokes, ESPY jokes, ESPYS jokes, ginsburg jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, pence jokes, pokemon jokes, RBG jokes, tesla jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 11, 2016
No farewell tour for Tim Duncan, unless you say it was the same quiet tour he was on for almost two decades.
Of course unlike Kobe, Duncan figured his last season would extend beyond the regular season.
#TimDuncan will be in Hall of Fame for many reasons. But this stat will probably never be matched again. He played 19 years, for ONE coach.
Draymond Green was arrested on assault charges in Michigan after what a police source called “basically an altercation between two guys.” And at this point, the Warriors and NBA have to be thinking “Well, at least it wasn’t a woman.”
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Congrats to #JohnnyCueto for being named NL All-Star game starting pitcher. Not a bad consolation prize for #SFGiants not getting Zack Greinke
You could have actually bet on the Home Run Derby winner tonight in Las Vegas. And if you seriously bet, and care, you just MIGHT have a gambling problem.
(But if you bet on Celebrity Softball you DEFINITELY have a problem.)
Ok, probably didn’t want to see him risk injury with 50 plus swings. But would have been fun to see a #MadBum cameo in #HomeRunDerby
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San Diego Padres All-Star Wil Myers today told the media “East Coast Mexican food is better than West Coast Mexican food.” Has someone checked Myers for concussions?
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So many top #NL pitchers won’t be playing in this year’s All-Star game you’d almost think it was an Olympic event.
(or as my friend Steve L. says “or the GOP convention.)
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Jordan Spieth is the latest golfer to withdraw from the Olympics. If this keeps up maybe Tiger Woods should consider going to Rio – he could win by attrition.
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United flight from San Francisco to Frankfurt delayed almost two hours due to “catering difficulties.” Wouldn’t it have been faster to call Domino’s?
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Starbucks is giving all US store employees and managers at least a 5% raise this year, plus improved stock benefits. And soon no doubt a generous low-interest loan payment plan for their regular customers.
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#PokemonGO, the hottest new app in years, but it has security risks. As in players are likely to walk into trees. other people, & traffic.
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Donald Trump today called himself the “law and order candidate.” As in “I make my own laws and don’t follow orders.”
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GOP now pushing for a perjury probe against Hillary Clinton over her emails. Because of course they wanted the same probe with the Bush administration over those alleged WMDs. Oh, wait, never mind.
Got a free sample of Eye Repair Cream today, a solid white cream that claims to “reduce the look of dark circles and puffiness.” On the back – “For external use only.” #beammeupScottietheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet
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As #BernieSanders prepares to endorse #HillaryClinton anyone but me half expect him to say at the last minute “Just kidding”?
With joke writing, you never know in advance about getting material, except this week – when Donald Trump will announce his running mate
Categories: baseball jokes, basketball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, draymond green jokes, duncan jokes, home run derby jokes, Janice Hough, madbum jokes, pokemon jokes, Starbucks jokes, tim duncan, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 7, 2016
Most people are good, most police are good. Guns make it too easy for the assholes.
(picture taken earlier tonight during the protest.)
It really is awful news out of #Dallas. Not even sure what questions to ask. But more and bigger guns are NOT the answer.
So every time we see a terrorist attack anywhere around the world many want to make America a lot less of a free country. And yet, when we have shootings, even mass shootings, here at home, those same people wouldn’t dream of making it even a little harder to get guns.
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Not that the jokes are more important, but laughter does beat crying….So back to the attempts at humor:
#KevinDurant on meeting #Warriors “It was organic. It was authentic.” Is #KD talking basketball or becoming a spokesman for #WholeFoods?
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Lots of emails from the SF Giants about voting often for Brandon Belt for the All-Star Team, and no doubt other teams are doing the same for their players. So here we have a game that “counts” for home field advantage during the World Series, and the teams are partly filled by good old-fashioned ballot box stuffing. God Bless America.
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Johnny Cueto leads #MLB in complete games. #Cueto has had an up-close view of the #SFGiants bullpen this season. #coincidence?
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Matt Harvey, 4-10 with a 4.86 ERA, is considering season-ending surgery. Of course, the way he’s been pitching, his season as a Mets starter could be ending soon anyway.
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Cardinals placed Matt Carpenter on 15-day disabled list with a right oblique strain. Starting to feel old, I remember before players had obliques.
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Amazing, the same House that couldn’t find time for votes on gun control can find time for hearings on Hillary Clinton’s emails. I sure hope this doesn’t distract them from their important business of trying to repeal Obamacare again.
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Bernie Sanders is reportedly going to endorse Hillary Clinton next Tuesday. Waiting for some of his supporters to claim the endorsement was rigged.
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Tom Brady has just declined Donald Trump’s invitation to speak at the GOP convention. Did someone inform the Patriots QB that Democrats and moderates buy his jerseys too?
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Bill O’Reilly showed old pictures yesterday of Barack Obama at a Muslim wedding, as some sort of proof of the President’s real identity. So when will O’Reilly start in with these GOP candidates who insist, despite their voting records, that they are not homophobic because they have attended a gay wedding?
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Hillary Clinton is a long way from perfect. But just guessing, if she had used a government server for her email Republicans would now be after her claiming she had illegally sent personal or campaign emails with the account, or something. Because when it comes to the GOP and Hillary, as Roseanne Rosannadanna said “It’s always something.”
Hardest thing about writing #DonaldTrump posts, having to double check all his statements to make sure they’re #NottheOnion
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Ted Cruz announced he has accepted Donald Trump’s invitation to speak at the GOP convention. Guess the Donald figured he didn’t have time to start a reality show to find speakers?
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Britain’s Conservative Party chose Theresa May and Andrea Leadsom as the final two candidates in the race to succeed David Cameron, meaning the next Prime Minister WILL be a woman.
So shall we start a pool in how long it takes Trump to insult one or both of them?
#Trump leaning towards #Gingrich as his V.P. choice? So six wives worked for Henry VIII, the Donald thinks it will work for his ticket?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star jokes, cueto jokes, email jokes, Janice Hough, sanders jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 6, 2016
Oklahoma City Mayor Mick Cornett, on Durant’s departure “We’re stunned…. We’ve been spurned by someone we cared deeply about.” “Tell us about it,” said every basketball fan in Seattle.
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What’s more surprising at this point? That the SF Giants at 54-33 have the best record in MLB? Or that they have done it while blowing 17 saves.
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Charles Barkley is now saying that Kevin Durant is jumping on the Golden State “gravy train” to win a ring. Hmm, so did the Warriors turn down Sir Charles’ offer to ride their bench to get himself a title?
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This upcoming Summer Olympics has an official bug spray company. (OFF) Which kind of tells you all you need to know about Rio now.
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Ashley Madison has now admitted that some women on its site were actually virtual computer programs. Who’d a thunk it – a website designed for cheaters, was operated by cheaters.
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Bernie Sanders in a meeting with House Democrats today allegedly said “the goal is not to win elections.” Even Dennis Kucinich is thinking this guy may not quite be in touch with reality.
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Ben Carson tweeted “Social media provides a great platform for discourse, but we must be careful with the messages we send out.” Yep, someone’s definitely not on Trump’s VP list….
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Tennessee Sen. Bob Corker took himself off Trump’s VP short list today. This is like “the Bachelor-Bachelorette”, but with many of the contestants just saying no to the rose.
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Former Fox News host Gretchen Carlson is suing Roger Ailes for sexual harassment. So how long until they make fun of her on Fox and Friends
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In the UK they have spent 7 years and millions of pounds on the “Chilcot” report, probing the reasons that Britain joined the US in the Iraq war. The 2.6 million word report found that Tony Blair used “exaggerated” evidence to convince the British public that Saddam Hussein had WMDs, evidence that was “presented with a certainty that was not justified.”
But of course none of this is an important as Hillary’s emails.
Hour long delay for thousands of passengers on trains in and out of San Francisco due to moron in car trying to beat train across tracks. He lost. But only damaged car. Alas, no Darwin.
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Bob Corker, who still supports Trump but withdrew from V.P consideration “His best running mate, by the way, would be Ivanka.”
So is it required for a Trump supporter to be creepy?
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You really cannot make this “stuff” up. Paul Ryan says Hillary Clinton was “reckless” in handling classified materials, so she should be denied access to classified materials during the general election.
Right, as opposed to the completely un-reckless GOP nominee?
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From Bill Littlejohn “With the signing of Kevin Durant, the Warriors have more expectations than anything outside of a fertility clinic..”
Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: durant jokes, email jokes, Fox jokes, Janice Hough, okc jokes, sanders jokes, Seattle jokes, Trump jokes, wmd jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 5, 2016
The FBI says they will not press charges against Hillary Clinton. Director James Comey says there was no “clear evidence” of intentional misconduct. So this will change exactly zero minds on Hillary’s guilt or innocence.
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FBI director James Comey did say Hillary Clinton was “extremely careless” but if GOP is going to condemn a lack of judgment with her emails
what about those Iraq WMDs?
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Until today, Republicans admired FBI director James Comey, like they used to admire judge Merrick Garland.
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FBI director James Comey said “‘no reasonable prosecutor” would bring a case against Clinton for emails. I am sure this will convince the GOP as they’ve reasonably only voted 60 times to repeal Obamacare.
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Paul Ryan tonight said the GOP will hold hearings on the FBI’s decision not to prosecute Hillary Clinton over the emails. Why don’t they run them along with another Benghazi hearing? Would save time.
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Just wondering how many Americans screaming about Hillary #Clinton‘s email server have any idea what an email server actually is.
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Now a drug- resistant bacteria has been found in the water off some of Rio’s most popular beaches. Well security at the Olympics may not be as big a problem as previously feared: if this keeps up even ISIL will be scared to go near the place.
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If Donald Trump wanted to tweet about real #RiggedSystem, he should have ignored Hillary’s emails & talked about #AllStarGame voting.
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More wins than any team in National League & only one position player in the #AllStarGame. But #SFGiants players need the rest anyway. (If the bullpen hadn’t blown 6 of 9 last saves they’d have more wins than any team in baseball.)
#SFGiants now take over the major league lead from the #Reds in blown saves. #notthetitleyouwant
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ESPN is devoting an hour to the MLB “Esurance All-Star Selection Show” tonight. An hour?! So where’s that hacker who leaked the March Madness brackets when we need him or her?
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#SFGiants need to trade for #NolanArenado someday if for no other reason than to keep him from batting against them.
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Best news for #SFGiants with #KevinDurant to #Warriors; even in even year, they’re not the SF Bay Area team most burdened w/ high expectations.
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The Alabama AD self-reported five violations for the 2015-16 academic year against their football team. The school said they were all “secondary violations,” which don’t lead to probation. Well of course, isn’t anything the Crimson Tide football teams do at most a secondary violation.
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To err is human, to really screw things up requires a computer. This is the response I got today on confirming a hotel night….in midtown Manhattan:
ROOM VIEW – OCEAN VIEW
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Apparently some parents were upset to find out that Hooters had sponsored a 3-day Cub Scout camp, and sent a few of their waitresses to volunteer. Even more upset, some fathers whose own Cub Scout volunteer days may now be over.
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Meanwhile, while some Americans freak out over terrorism, more than 60 people were shot in Chicago over the 4th of July weekend; four died.
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Clinton campaign statement on the FBI decision not to charge her over emails: “We are glad this matter is now resolved.”
Glad for no charges I can see, but “resolved?” Right, like Obama’s birth certificate, or Obamacare for that matter, ever was resolved with many in the GOP… #shecandream
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Donald Trump today on Saddam Hussein: “He was a bad guy — really bad guy. But you know what? He did well? He killed terrorists.”
Yeah, along with only maybe 250,000-500,000 Iraqis. #ThisIShimtryingtobePresidential
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, Clinton jokes, email jokes, fbi jokes, james comey jokes, Janice Hough, MLB AllStar game jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 1, 2016
For all my Canadian friends, Happy (now belated) Canada Day. For my American friends, might be important to remember July 1 matters up north, in case you were thinking of moving if Trump wins in November.
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Bill Clinton met briefly but privately with Attorney General Loretta Lynch this week in Phoenix. And of course some allege that they might have talked about the email investigation.
So the former President was alone with a woman and the rumors aren’t about sex? How the mighty have fallen.
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#Lakers signed #TimofeyMozgov to a $64 million contract. Even the #Dodgers think that’s overspending for mediocre talent.
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OJ Mayo has been suspended from the NBA for 2 years for violating the league’s drug testing program. This is the same Mayo who played one year at USC, was ruled to have accepted improper benefits, got the school’s wins vacated and then entered the draft. Not that I am a Trojans fan but have to admire mean bitch Karma in delayed mode.
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#Iceland has become so popular with their #EURO2016 run, if this keeps up some Americans will even learn to find it on a map.
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One more thought for the day on Madison Bumgarner hitting. Now, he may not be the best hitter on the team by a longshot. But how many other pitchers do fans time their concession-bathroom-whatever breaks around making sure you don’t miss an at-bat? #SFGiants #PitcherswhoRake
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And sure, all SF Giants fans knew the team would start off July with a win thanks to Grant Green, Jarrett Parker, and Conor Gillaspie.
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Reports now indicate that Kevin Durant is “90% likely” to stay with the Thunder. So all of this media free-agent hype may be about as accurate as the supermarket tabloids regularly promising celebrity divorces.
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At Machu Picchu, a man entered a restricted area, and asked someone to take his picture leaping in the air. He then leapt, fell of a cliff, and died. Not often you get a Darwin Award and an Incan sacrifice at the same time.
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So has a team from #Cleveland lost since game 4 of the #NBAfinals? #Indians #Cavs
(my friend Richard Rothschild tells me, well, actually since before game 6.)
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On Delta’s website today, fares from San Francisco to Detroit were apparently showing up for over $13,000 roundtrip, in coach. Well, that’s absurd. Who would ever think it would cost that much for a domestic airfare. Now by the time you add fees….maybe.
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Trump spoke today in Denver following Sarah Palin. So he did that because after Palin there’s a CHANCE the Donald looks sane by comparison?
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A Miami strip club bartender wanted to spend some time with a man who wasn’t her husband, so she told hubby she had been kidnapped. He called the cops, she got arrested. Uh, she couldn’t have found ONE friend to say it was a girls’ weekend? #Cantfixstupid #Butyoucanarreststupid
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Now Al Qaeda and ISIS are both claiming credit for a hostage situation in Bangladesh. I do suppose it’s too much to hope that they might get mad enough to start shooting and bombing each other.
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Donald Trump, on the Supreme Court’s 5-3 Texas abortion clinic ruling: “Now if we had—Scalia was living, or if Scalia was replaced by me, you wouldn’t have had that, OK? It would’ve been the opposite.”
Because 5-4 is the opposite of 5-3? The Donald is not only not qualified to be President, he’s not qualified to teach 2nd grade math.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bumgarner jokes, Canada jokes, Clinton jokes, Darwin Award jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, mayo jokes, NBA jokes
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June 30, 2016
After leading the Brexit movement, Boris Johnson has now said he doesn’t want to be Prime Minister. Whatever happened to “You break it, you buy it.”
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The Dodgers have put Clayton Kershaw on the DL with a herniated disc. SF Giants are wishing Kershaw well, and thinking “Don’t risk your career and health, take the rest of the summer off.”
Madison Bumgarner was the first pitcher since 1976 to be scheduled to bat for himself in an AL park. And he doubled to lead off the 3rd in a six-run inning. Clearly this was all the #SFGiants needed to wake them up after a horrible evening.. #PitchersWhoRake #PitchersWhoInspire
#SFGiants played much better defense tonight. Presumably they didn’t want to screw up & have to answer to #Madbum #Pitcherswhocanhandleabat
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Johnny Manziel has apparently been suspended four games for violating the NFL’s substance abuse policy. Well, gosh, hope that doesn’t make some team decide it would be risky to sign him.
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Disney World has apparently pulled Louis the alligator, from their Princess and the Frog movie, from the new Friendship Faire Castle Show, and Peter Pan’s Tick-Tock the Croc, from the Festival of Fantasy Parade.
Good thing that poor little boy didn’t get run over in the Anaheim parking lot, or Disney might have had to close Cars Land.
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Rolando McClain, the Dallas Cowboys LB who was suspended for the 1st four games of the 2015 NFL season for violating the league’s substance abuse policy, has now been suspended the first 10 games of this season for violating the same policy.
At some point it’s not a suspension for drugs, it’s a suspension for stupidity.
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The FDA is now saying not to eat raw cookie dough, because uncooked flour can be hazardous to your health. Hmm, sounds like an opportunity for millions of Americans to start describing themselves as courageous risk takers.
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Utah senator Mike Lee says he won’t support Donald Trump because Trump attacked ‘my best friend’ – Ted Cruz. Shocking. Cruz has a best friend?
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Gwyneth Paltrow was apparently shocked to hear that Star Magazine declared her “the most hated celebrity.” “What did I do?” Well, cluelessness is a good start….-
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A new USA Today poll shows Americans by 4-1 margin agree that the Brexit vote to leave the EU “was a sign of anger and dissatisfaction that can be seen in other countries, including the United States.”
Wonder how many Americans have any idea what the EU is?
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Mike Ditka has declined Donald Trump’s invitation to speak at the Republican National Convention. Guess he hasn’t been hit on the head THAT many times.
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One of the Istanbul airport attackers was apparently Russian. So much for that Trump-Putin bromance.
Donald Trump today, speaking as a plane buzzed overhead “That could be a Mexican plane up there. They’re getting ready to attack.” Isn’t it nice that that Donald is trying to be more Presidential?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: boris johnson jokes, brexit jokes, bumgarner jokes, GOP convention jokes, Janice Hough, Putin jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
June 29, 2016
Following on the NBA championship of the Cavs, the Indians have won 12 games in a row. For those who think Cleveland’s just piling on, don’t worry, the Browns’ pre-season starts soon.
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The NCAA has a new rule that all bowl-eligible teams with 6-6 records must be chosen for a bowl before any teams with a 5-7 record are offered the games.
With all due respect, isn’t a bowl game for a .500 team the football equivalent of a participation trophy?
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The NFL Players Association doesn’t want the active players named in the Al-Jazeera PED report interviewed by the league, but Peyton Manning apparently will cooperate. So long as the interview is sponsored by Papa John’s and Budweiser.
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Michael Phelps tonight won the 200-meter butterfly and became the first U.S. male swimmer to qualify for five Olympics. Whereupon he celebrated by yelling “You punks get out of my pool.”
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2015 Seahawks backup QB Tarvaris Jackson was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after a woman in Florida accused him of threatening her with a gun last week. Now, newly signed backup QB Trevone Boykin has been charged with assault causing bodily injury after an Dec 31 incident with a police officer at a bar before the Alamo Bowl.
Who’s next for Seattle? Johnny Manziel is available.
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Johnny Manziel says he is going sober on July 1. For the troubled QB’s sake, I hope he’s right. But hard not to quote Inigo Montoya: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means”
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The Miss Teen USA pageant says they are dropping the swimsuit portion of their competition, replacing it with an athletic wear competition. For all men who only tuned in for the swimsuits, three words “tight yoga pants.
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The California “Adult Use of Marijuana Act” is officially on this November’s ballot. Well, it’s high time.
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#HeterosexualPrideDay. Really? Just go to a lot of frat houses, where every day is #HetrerosexualPrideDay.
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Regarding that story of Christy Sheats, the Texas mom and gun-rights advocate who fatally shot her daughters, reports are now that police had been called out 14 times since 2012 to their home, calls involving Christy’s having a “mental crisis.”
And she was still allowed to have guns? #wellplayedNRA #sarcasm
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Surprisingly little media attention to Istanbul only a day after the attacks. Must not have been any Americans killed. Sigh.
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I miss President Obama already: “Now somebody else who has never shown any regard for workers, who has never fought on behalf of social justice issues, they don’t suddenly become a populist because they say something controversial in order to win votes. That’s not the measure of populism. That’s nativism or xenophobia or worse. Or it’s just cynicism.”
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A new Quinnipiac University poll says Donald Trump has the support of 1% of black voters. That many?
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cleveland jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, marijuana jokes, Michael Phelps, NCAA jokes, NFL jokes, pageant jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 