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Born lucky?

January 9, 2016

“Star Wars: The Force Awakens” has now made Harrison Ford the highest-grossing actor in US box office history. Of course, the way this franchise is going, #2 might be the guy who plays Chewbacca.

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Florida congressman Alan Grayson says he will sue over Canadian-born Ted Cruz’s eligibility to be President if Cruz wins the GOP presidential nomination. And somewhere in D.C.Barack Obama is just giggling.

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Justin Bieber was kicked out of the archaeological site, Tulum, after he reportedly showed up with beer cans, tried to climb off-limits ruins, and took a selfie with his underpants down. Following upon the antics of Ethan Couch, Mexico’s going to start thinking seriously about that border fence. ‪#‎affluenza‬

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The “Affluenza” teen’s mom Tonya Couch has according to a Texas sheriff, “expressed a slight displeasure about her accommodations” in jail. “I feel so sorry for her,” said absolutely, positively, nobody.

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Texas Governor Greg Abbott now wants to amend the U.S. Constitution so that states can ignore the Federal government. Fine, does that also mean the Feds are off the hook for those states’ disaster relief?

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Prolia, a drug to fight osteoporosis in post-menopausal women, does television commercials with the usual laundry-list of fine print warnings. Including this one – “do not take Prolia if you are pregnant or trying to become pregnant.” ‪#‎whythereisnosatire‬

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The stock market just had its worst week ever to start a year. But the jobs report said the U.S. added 2.65 million jobs in 2015, its 2nd best year since 1999. So I think I’ve figured it out: The former is all Obama’s fault, the latter had nothing to do with him

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A man who ate nothing but Chipotle for 186 days says he has cut back to occasional meals there now. Who knew, these days McDonald’s seems like the healthy option?

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Chris Christie, who in 1995 campaigned for NJ State Senate as a supporter of an assault weapons ban. Now he says he’s “changed his mind.”
You know, I’d believe these folks a little more if they ever changed their minds in a way that didn’t put them more in line with their party’s base.

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DeSean Jackson on the Eagles’ firing coach Chip Kelly: “I’m a firm believer that bad karma comes back on you.” And so will Ms. Karma make sure Kelly ends up with the 49ers next?

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As of Jan 1, licensed gun owners in Texas can now openly carry guns into state mental hospitals. Your move, Florida. ‪#‎whatcouldpossiblygowrong‬

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#ElChapo‬ has been caught again in Mexico. Too soon to start a pool on the date of his next jail break?

 

But really, so they are putting El Chapo back into the exact last jail he escaped from? Even in Florida they are saying “Are you nuts?”

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Maine Governor Paul LePage, ranting about Maine’s drug problem and blaming traffickers: “These are guys with the name D-Money, Smoothie, Shifty … they come from Connecticut and NY, they come up here, they sell their heroin, they go back home ..half the time they impregnate a young, white girl before they leave, which is a real sad thing because then we have another issue we have to deal with down the road.”

Wow., that’s offensive enough you have to wonder if LePage has dreams of being Trump’s running mate.

Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
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A cold day…

January 7, 2016

 

The Minnesota Vikings are warning their fans that temperatures are expected to hit a high of 1 degree on Sunday. And Green Bay fans are thinking “1 degree? We could wear shorts.”

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Lots of expert predictions on this weekend’s NFL playoff games. And we should listen to all those experts because they all predicted the hosts for these games would be Houston, Cincinnati, Minnesota and Washington?!

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So now Johnny Manziel has been cited for driving with expired license plates. Even JaMarcus Russelll is saying “Dude, get it together.”.

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The Tampa Bay Buccaneers fired Lovie Smith, who was their third coach in five years. Somewhere even George Steinbrenner is thinking, “Jeez, show a little patience.”

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Missed the ‪#‎Powerball‬ numbers last night by six. And I didn’t even play.

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The next Powerball lottery jackpot will approach $700 million, resulting in turn millions of new players.  Because $400 million just doesn’t buy what it used to?

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House Speaker Paul Ryan on what the GOP needs to do to win: “We have to show people what our principles are and how we apply those principles to the problems of the day to offer people real solutions”
And most of the Presidential candidates are going “Principles?”

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One big problem faced by the the ‪#‎SF49ers‬ in their coaching search – any coach who is smart enough for the job, is probably also smart enough not to take it. ‪#‎trainwreck‬

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Since their spring semester has started, Clemson asked for and got an NCAA waiver from a rule today which prevents “in-session” schools from practicing or holding team meetings for more than four hours per day or 20 hours per week. The school said players will miss class “only with professor approval.” And of course if any professor denies approval it would only be a coincidence if that professor is denied tenure.

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A man handed a Bradenton hospital employee a wrapped burrito he said was for a patient. The employee checked and found that inside the burrito was a syringe of heroin. Back on your game, Florida. ‪#‎andyouthoughtguacamolewasaddicting‬?

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A man handed a Bradenton hospital employee a wrapped burrito he said was for a patient. The employee checked and found that inside the burrito was a syringe of heroin. Back on your game, Florida. ‪#‎andyouthoughtguacamolewasaddicting‬

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House Speaker Paul Ryan said that Obama’s executive actions on guns were “a distraction” and that the President should be focused on fighting terrorism. But hey now, that 62nd repeal attempt for Obamacare, THAT was important.

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Interesting that ‪#‎JohnMcCain‬ stated strongly that ‪#‎BarackObama‬ was an American but he’s not so sure about ‪#‎TedCruz‬

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Hillary Clinton, asked this week about extra-terrestrials, said “I think we may have been visited already” by aliens. “We don’t know for sure.” Heck, for all we know, one or two of them may be running for President.

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From my funny friend Jerry Perisho “Ken Griffey, Jr. was voted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. On his way to the podium, he pulled a hamstring and was placed on the disabled list.”

 

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Pressed flat?

January 5, 2016

SF 49ers owner Jed York today in his press conference announcing the firing of Jim Tomsula: “I’m not a football expert.” Right, so after 2014 season you fired the coach that actually WAS. ‪#‎Harbaugh‬ ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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Let’s see, Jim Harbaugh was fired from SF basically because of his ego and abrasive personality. Now Chip Kelly has let it be known he is interested in the 49ers job. Get some popcorn folks, we could end up with the first football management team with thermo-nuclear capability.

 

#‎JedYork‬ says he will sell the ‪#‎SF49ers‬ “over his dead body.” Guess Jed feels brave enough to say that due to California’s strict gun laws.

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SF 49ers GM Trent Baalke indicated today in a later press conference he didn’t know the length of his own contract (he signed an extension last year through 2018). Now, local media are making fun of the lie, but who knows, maybe it could be true. Would explain a lot about SF’s horrendous drafts lately.

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The ‪#‎Raiders‬, ‪#‎Chargers‬ & ‪#‎Rams‬ all requested permission today to move to the Los Angeles area. A few more press conferences like today’s from Jed York and ‪#‎49ers‬ fans may be saying “uh, can we volunteer our team too?”

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Johnny Manziel was apparently seen partying in Las Vegas last Saturday night. Maybe it’s time to change his trademark name from “Johnny Football” to “Johnny F*ckup.”

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Tom Coughlin has resigned as coach of the NY Giants. So guess after 12 years he’s looking to be ringmaster of a different circus?

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Hunter Pence just bought a 2 bedroom luxury condo in San Francisco. At his $18.5 million a year ‪#‎SFGiants‬ salary he can probably just stretch to cover the payments.

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The Stanford women’s basketball team scored only 31 points Monday night.. Are they trying to be named honorary 76ers?

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Donald Trump’s latest fear-mongering was a warning today that President Obama’s planned executive actions mean “Pretty soon you won’t be able to get guns.”
To be fair, if we had serious mental health restrictions on purchasing firearms, based on many of his statements Trump himself probably couldn’t pass a background check.

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Proof is not in the pudding?

December 31, 2015

Bill Cosby has been released on $1 million bail after being arrested on a 2004 sexual assault charge. Looks like it’s going to be a long trial of “He Said – “She She She She She She She She She She Said.”

 

ESPN reports that Cal quarterback Jared Goff will announce tomorrow that he will enter the NFL draft. Of course, if Goff ends up with the SF 49ers it may be a lateral move.

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If there was any doubt that Stephen ‪#‎Curry‬ should be leading the ‪#‎NBA‬ ‪#‎MVP‬ vote at this point, the Warriors removed it Wednesday night against Dallas.

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Johnny Manziel apparently reported to on Wednesday with “concussion-like” symptoms and is being evaluated. So he could miss the Browns’ final game Sunday. Hmm, am I the only one who wonders about the similarity between symptoms of concussions and hangovers?

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Chip Kelly is gone, but 49ers head coach says “I’m going to coach until somebody tells me I’m not.” Too soon to start a pool…?

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About 20 passengers on an Air Canada flight from China to Toronto were injured by turbulence today. Want to bet at least 19 of them decided they didn’t need to be wearing their seatbelts?

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The FAA is investigating after Alaska Airlines accidentally landed a plane on a taxiway instead of a runway at Seattle Airport. Damned Apple maps.

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Lots of talk about Colin Kaepernick and where he will be next year, but as one analyst said, with that kind of arm there will always be some team that thinks they can fix him. So basically Kap has become the football equivalent of a left-handed pitcher.

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“Affluenza” teen Ethan Couch is fighting extradition back to the United States. Hmm, so how much do we have to pay Mexico to keep him?

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Authorities are sending ‪#‎Affluenza‬ mom Tonya Couch back to the U.S. where she faces up to 10 years for helping her son escape. While Ethan himself is looking at only 120 days for a probation violation. Why do I get the sense he’ll end up doing something to reunite himself with mom in jail in no time?

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Microsoft has a new “selfie” app – which “takes age, gender, skin tone, lighting, and many other variables into account, applies different models automatically and finishes enhancement with just a single click.” So it’s supposed to IMPROVE your picture; clearly this is aimed at a generation with little experience of Windows.

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Rand Paul is attacking Chris Christie, saying the Gov.has spent “219 days outside of New Jersey” (in 2015), even though he “signed a law requiring NJ public employees to be residents and spend majority of their time there.”
To be fair, maybe most residents of New Jersey prefer it when Christie is out of state.

 

Reserve Alabama cornerback has been sent home from the Cotton Bowl by Nick Saban for a “violation of team rules,” Proving once again that coach Saban can be a strict disciplinarian. As long as a reserve player and not a starter is involved.

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Now for a serious thought, for a change.  Re Clinton and Trump: No one including me is denying that Bill Clinton is a tomcat and has behaved badly over sex. But there is a difference to my mind between Bill’s zipper problem and Trump’s flat-out insulting and hateful attitude towards women – “all of the women on “The Apprentice” flirted with me—consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.” And calling a woman lawyer who needed to take a break to pump breast milk “disgusting.”

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Looking back

December 28, 2015

Kobe Bryant,  asked about going back in time to offer advice to himself as a rookie said “compassion & empathy.”   And presumably don’t order room service?

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The Arizona Cardinals look so good this year you have to wonder if Cuba Gooding, Jr. isn’t somehow involved. ‪#‎Showmethemoney‬ ‪#‎JerryMaguire‬

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Atlanta Falcons beat the previously undefeated Carolina Panders  give the 72 Miami Dolphins cause to ask their kids or grandkids to open those pesky champagne bottles for them.

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So many bowls this year that are akin to participation trophies with both teams aspiring to mediocrity. By that token the 49ers-Lions match-up should be an honorary bowl game.

 

Thom Brennaman, announcing SF-Detroit today – ‘”When you make mistakes like we’ve seen the 49ers make in this game, it’s not a surprise that they’ve won four games this year.”
Well, actually you do wonder how they managed to win those four games.

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Houston beat up on Tennessee behind Brandon Weeden. How can you not root for a team led by a QB cut last month by the Dallas Cowboys? (who ended up doing SO well without him)

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Stephen Colbert said today “Donald Trump is like — I’m not the first person to say this, but I completely agree — that he’s my old character with 10 billion dollars.” Except that we could laugh at Colbert without it hurting.

 

At a Walmart this week, a woman was arrested for allegedly shooting up meth and then riding a motorized shopping car through the store while drinking wine, eating sushi, cinnamon rolls and rotisserie chicken. Do I even have to say “Florida?”

And of course, to be fair, Walmart sushi might be more dangerous than the meth.

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A Louisville mall had to close early last night because of almost 2,000 disorderly teens wreaking havoc in the shopping center. ‪#‎Ifonlytheywerearmed‬

 

A Southwest Airlines flight from Sacramento to Denver tonight was diverted to Oakland Sunday evening after they had “pressurization issues.” So which airline will be the first to add a “pressurization” fee?

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“The Force Awakens” has passed $1 billion at the global box office. And Disney is now researching ways to help Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher live to be at least 100. ‪#‎Episode27‬?

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Donald Trump today is accusing Bill Clinton of sexism. And both the pot and kettle are doubled over in hysterics.

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Supposedly Hillary and Bill Clinton joined Chelsea, her husband Marc and baby Charlotte on a walk around mid-town Manhattan today and even stopped in a bookstore. Unbelievable, as if in mid-town Manhattan any bookstore could still exist and afford the rent

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Finally.  Seriously.  Damn, R.I.P. Dave Henderson, 57. Impossible to dislike, even when he played for a team you hated. Going to be a lot livelier during those softball games in heaven.

Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, holiday jokes, Uncategorized
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A little good news

December 18, 2015

Martin Shkreli, the infamous CEO of Turing Pharma who raised the price of an AIDS pill by over 5,000% was arrested today on charges of securities fraud. Mean bitch karma for the win!

 

Disney has announced that due to security concerns, visitors over the age of 14 will no longer be able to wear costumes in their theme parks, even on Halloween. Well, that’s just Goofy.

 

New Walt Disney theme park enhanced security will mean no costumes, no toy guns (including light sabers?), and metal detectors at the entrances. Although if they really want to keep people safe Disney could just threaten anyone arrested as a terror suspect with being locked for hours inside “It’s a Small World.” ‪#‎torture‬

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So will ‪#‎Adele‬‘s next sad song be about trying to buy tickets to her own concerts?

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The San Francisco school district apparently got an email threat similar to the one sent to Los Angeles and NY, but decided to stay open. So sorry kids, looks like closing down your school is no longer an alternative to studying for finals.

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According to TMZ, RIchard Simmons has refused to go out in public for two years because he no longer wants to be famous. And most Americans at this point are saying “Who?”

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Two quarterbacks in a week have decided to transfer from Texas A&M. And at 49ers headquarters Kaepernick and Gabbert are wondering “You can do that?”

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Glenn Beck says if Donald Trump is nominated – “you are going to see an end to the Republican Party.” Hmm. Promise?

 

Ben Carson is canceling planned trips to Israel, Nigeria, Kenya and Zambia, citing “security concerns.” So the good Doctor can stay in the U.S. and slam President Obama for not providing courageous leadership?

 

 

When police arrested two suspects for allegedly stealing Amazon packages off of porches, one of them had a nicely written daily “to do” list with her – including “kiss mom n tell her she’s loved, ” (aw) “shop-lift” (‪#‎cantfixstupid‬) And no, not Florida. San Diego.

 

 

 

 

From T.C. “MLB Commissioner Manfred has upheld the ban on Pete Rose being associated with any Major League baseball team. Rose is considering applying for a position with The Seattle Mariners.”

 

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Holidaze

December 14, 2015

So just wondering. How come we can’t say ‪#‎MerryChristmas‬ but we have to listen to ‪#‎GodBlessAmerica‬ at every Sunday ‪#‎MLB‬ game?

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Holiday tip of the day. If you have an SUV large enough to carry two kids’ soccer teams, you just MIGHT be too big to park in a “compact car” spot

 

Scott Cochran, Alabama’s strength and conditioning coach for football, was rumored to be leaving for Georgia. But he will remain with the Crimson Tide, reportedly with a raise. USA Today says Cochran’s current salary is $420,000 and he probably will get at least $500,000 to stay.
Hmm, wonder what professors make at Alabama?

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Amazon has apparently removed most hoverboards from their site over safety concerns, specifically that some models could catch fire and explode. And here I was thinking the biggest worry was falling off the things.

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Apparently new MLB commission Rob Manfred has decided to keep Pete Rose’s lifetime ban in place. It’s always seemed to me a reasonable solution was to allow Rose to be on the Hall of Fame ballot, but ban him from ever holding a job again in baseball. Not having the career hits leader on a plaque seems wrong.

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Right about now the #‎Spurs‬ and ‪#‎Warriors‬  are doing good job convincing casual basketball fans there’s no need to pay attention until ‪#‎NBA‬ Western Conference Finals.

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#‎SFGiants‬ apparently got ‪#‎JohnnyCueto‬. Clearly there’s something here about the hair.

 

You know the MLB free agent market is out of whack when 6 years $130 million for ‪#‎JohnnyCueto‬ seems like a reasonably priced deal. ‪#‎SFGIANTS‬

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The FAA says drone owners will have to register their remote-controlled aircraft starting Dec 21. But what if your drone is armed?

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Tennessee Sen. Bob Corker says he has refiled his financial disclosure forms after a WSJ report said he didn’t file millions of dollars worth of investments and profits he received since joining the Senator in 2007. Corker now says “I am extremely disappointed in the filing errors that were made in earlier financial disclosure reports.”
Well, I am sure he is extremely disappointed that he got caught.

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An 11-year-old girl who was visiting a friend with some other classmates was fatally shot by a 12-year-old boy at his Tennessee home Friday night. If only the kids had been armed.

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Police have now charged Ole Miss DL Robert Nkemdiche with marijuana possession after his fall from a hotel window this weekend. Police say they found the football star “conscious and breathing while lying on the ground near the Hyatt’s sidewalk and driveway — and a group of several associates. None of them claimed to know why Nkemdiche had fallen out the double-pane room window.”

Hmm, maybe more than one person should have been charged with possession of something….

 

Donald Trump, on Iowa polls show him losing to Ted Cruz “Don’t worry, it’s just Iowa.” Well, that ought to make the Donald even more popular in the state.

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Four and niners

December 13, 2015

On a brighter note for the ‪#‎SF49ers‬, they only had the same number of losses this weekend as the ‪#‎GSWarriors‬.

 

 

Ole Miss star DL Robert Nkemdiche is in stable condition with “multiple cuts” after falling out of a fourth floor window in Atlanta. Now, i know academics aren’t a priority in the SEC. But future players might not want to miss the lecture on gravity.

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When you look up “regression to the mean” in the dictionary, today an example might be Blaine Gabbert. ‪#‎SFvsCLE‬ ‪

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So how did this ‪#‎SF49ers‬ team actually win four games?

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Will Ferrell, on SNL last night as George W. Bush. “The field of Republicans out there is so messed up, it makes you miss me,” And a whole lot of Americans laughed and then thought… “Well, actually…. almost.”

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Despite the Browns’ win today, Johnny Manziel was at one point so upset about an interception that he slammed his head into a tablet. Not sure about the computer, but at least Manziel himself avoided injury by using the hardest part of his body.

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Worst thing for the ‪#‎Clevelandbrowns‬ tonight?  ‪#‎JohnnyManziel‬ had something to celebrate.

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In England, an alleged drunk driver tried to run away from a hit and run accident by hiding in a nativity scene.  He was caught and arrested. #notsowiseman

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Mark Zuckerberg has posted a picture of himself changing his new baby’s diaper. So was Zuckerberg so involved in creating Facebook that he thinks a dad doing this is a big deal?

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In New York, a 25-year-old woman was arrested during a prostitution sting by an undercover cop. And she brought her 14 month-old child along. So maybe she thought it was “Bring your child to work day?”

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Trump complained today that drought water restrictions in some places make it very difficult to wash his hair “It’s a disaster.”  So, who needs a wall, we’ve figured out at least the way to keep Trump out of California.

 

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Donald Trump today called Ted Cruz “a little bit of a maniac.” Both the pot and the kettle are giggling.

 

There are rumors that Justin Bieber has been “hooking up” with Kourtney Kardashian. ‪#‎dearGoddontletthembreed‬

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Closing time?

December 9, 2015

The Phillies have traded their closer, Ken Giles, to the Astros. Well, at least this means Giles might actually start having some games to close.

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Trump is now taking on President Obama’s comment about Muslims-Americans being “our friends and our neighbors, our coworkers, our sports heroes”.

The Donald tweeted “What sport is he talking about, and who?” Well, leaving aside Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, for starters, Trump may also be proving that it’s not just boxers who behave as if they’ve been hit in the head one too many times. ‪#‎notthegreatest‬

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Carmelo Anthony now says he’s frustrated by a lack of calls from referees this season. But really, don’t all sentences involving Melo say he is frustrated about SOMETHING?

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Browns coach Mike Pettine said that “I imagine repercussions would be harsh” if QB Johnny Manziel has another off-field transgression.
It’s all part of the NFL and Cleveland’s “12 strikes and you’re out policy.”

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United Airlines says that in Feb. 2016, they will bringing back free snacks for economy passengers. And in Jan. 2016 presumably they will raise all fares $10-20?

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Angela Merkel has been named Time’s “Person of the Year.” Waiting for Donald Trump to complain about yet another American job going to a foreigner.

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Samsung apparently wants to get into the self-driving car business. Okay, some statements don’t even need an (un-PC) punchline.

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The latest report is that a man named Enrique Marquez, who was the one who purchased the assault rifles for the San Bernandino shooter “so his name wouldn’t be on file,” told friends at a party that “There’s a lot of Muslims in our own backyard, just ready to go haywire and attack.”
If true, this proves once again that while we may fear terrorism, we have as much to fear from ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia suggested that affirmation action means that African-American students are”being pushed into schools that are too advanced for them” and that “most of the black scientists in this country do not come from the most advanced schools.”
Wonder if Scalia’s views were shaped by the fact that fellow justice Clarence Thomas went to Yale.

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The accused Planned Parenthood shooter today in court shouted that he was a “warrior for the babies.” So since all the GOP candidates support police, who will be the first to declare a moratorium on pro-lifers entering the U.S.?

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In Austin, the University of Texas has told “Come and Take It Texas,” and “DontComply.com”, two gun-rights groups that they will not be allowed to go ahead with their plan for a mock mass murder, featuring fake guns and blood, on campus this weekend. The groups planned to use the event to demonstrate how much safer students would be with guns..
Right, because nothing says safety like a bunch of armed people who are stupid enough to think this was a good idea.

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But finally a serious question,  can we get bipartisan agreement from my pro and anti-gun friends on this proposal?   If you buy a gun for someone who would have issues getting it on their own, or if you give someone like that a gun, or if you are careless with your gun and someone uses it, accidentally or on purpose, to injure someone else, you are criminally liable as at least as an accessory.

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Take a bite out of this?

December 9, 2015

 

St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Kriseman says he is banning Donald Trump from his city “until we fully understand the dangerous threat posed by all Trumps.”
Not often do I say this but, “well played, Florida.”

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Now, back to the usual Sunshine State items:  A Florida burglary suspect who apparently was partially eaten by an alligator while trying to avoid police by hiding in a pond – the alligator ended up being euthanized by police. Really? Shouldn’t the gator have been rewarded for helping law enforcement?

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Think maybe we can convince George Zimmerman some kid wearing a hoodie is hiding in a Florida pond? ‪#‎gatorpower‬

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One of the quotes of the day: “This whole notion that somehow we need to say no more Muslims — and just ban a whole religion — goes against everything we stand for and believe in.” Another commie-pinko liberal railing against Donald Trump?
Actually, the quote is from Dick Cheney.

 

Another thought on Donald Trump’s idea to ban all Muslims entering the U.S. Uh, names don’t always indicate religion – my husband, for example has the last name Schwartz and was raised Catholic. And plenty of people convert. So what does the Donald propose? A Bible test at the border?

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Monday’s nonstop Air France flight bound from San Francisco to Paris on was diverted to Montreal because of a bomb threat that turned out to be a false alarm. The plane continued on to Paris in the morning.
So now passengers are focused on the important things – like “Do we get extra frequent flier miles for this?”

 

Good to see someone associated with the NCAA has a sense of humor. Football games between BYU and Utah are referred to as “The Holy War.” And this year the two teams are playing in the Royal Purple Bowl, played in Las Vegas.

Although to be fair, there’s a lot of praying over games in Vegas.

 

Douglas Tompkins, 72, who founded North Face clothing, died of hypothermia after his kayak capsized in southern Chile. So did Mother Nature finally decide to enact some karmic revenge on Tompkins for all the people his products kept protected from weather?

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ABC is remaking Dirty Dancing with a three-hour TV movie. Well, that ought to go about as well as the Sound of Music with Carrie Underwood. ‪#‎isnothingsacred‬?

 

In Fremont, California, police were called when an injured man climbed out of a garbage truck. Apparently he had fallen asleep in a trash bin and survived two compaction cycles. “Missed it by that much,” said Darwin

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So maybe it wasn’t all his immigrant wife’s fault: CNN is reporting that investigators now think the American-born San Bernandino shooter may have also planned a 2012 attack with someone else, but “got spooked” and abandoned it.

 

 

From Christopher Green, one of my friends up North – “Canada is already committed to 25,000 Syrian refugees in the next few months. I’m not sure that we’ll also be able to accommodate all the American refugees next November if Trump wins.”

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The $200 million dollar man.

December 5, 2015

Zack Greinke signed a 6 year, $206 million deal with the…. Arizona Diamondbacks? Well, maybe Greinke figured he would do better without all that post-season pressure.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ might have done just fine with Greinke deal: They don’t risk $200 million on a 32 yr-old pitcher & Zack’s no longer with the Dodgers.

 

 

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So Trump has backed down from his demand that CNN donate $5 million for him to participate in the next GOP debate. And the Donald expects us to think he can take on, China, Putin, ISIS….. he can’t even stand tough with a measly cable network.

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Aaron Hernandez has reportedly now been moved to a segregated unit at his maximum security prison, after he was found with a prison-made shank in his cell Thursday. You really do wonder how the former Gators/Patriots star has managed to stay alive to the age of 26. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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LSU’s AD said that the school had made “inquiries” about possible replacements for their football coach, but decided that Les Miles “was the right man for the job. Partial translation, “nobody we thought was better was interested.

 

A new report found that 1 in 4 U.S. bridges is “structurally deficient,” meaning some part of the bridge’s core structure needs repair or complete replacement. And the rest no doubt are in danger with a potential Chris Christie presidency.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ have signed ‪#‎JeffSamardzija‬ to a 5 yr deal. Too soon to tell but so far only really unhappy people have to be SF copy editors.

 

 

A Seattle policeman who pulled a 73 year-old man over for driving without headlights was going to let him off with a warning, when the officer saw the driver allegedly attempting to snort cocaine DURING THE TRAFFIC STOP. Your move, Florida. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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Budapest tour guide talks about history and says Hungary has alas chosen the wrong side in all wars. Points out that the country is now part of NATO. And she adds thus NATO cannot start any future wars – because with Hungary involved, they will lose

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From T.C.  “Kobe Bryant has announced that he will retire after this season. I wonder how much collectors will pay for his last “air ball””

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No stopping us now?

November 19, 2015

The Golden State Warriors look so good right now, starting to think the only thing that could derail the team is a player dating a Kardashian.

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Staples Center sounds like Petco Park when the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ visit. So who’s the home team? ‪#‎Warriors‬ ‪#‎Clippers‬

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Tony Romo says the Dallas Cowboys season “is not over.” But “you just have very little room for error.” Is Romo aiming to be an advisor to Jeb Bush’s presidential campaign?

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In Texas, education officials rejected a proposal to have university experts fact-check textbooks approved for use in public-school classrooms. So apparently not only ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬, in Texas you can’t educate students out of stupid either. ‪#‎factshavealiberalbias‬

 

So this weekend in college football features great match-ups like Ohio State-Michigan State, Cal-Stanford and Baylor-Oklahoma State. And then Alabama-Charleston Southern and Florida-Florida Atlantic? ‪#‎SECwimps‬

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The 2-7 Tennessee Titans vs the 3-6 Jacksonville Jaguars on Thursday Night Football. And if you cared and don’t live in Nashville or Florida, you might be spending too much time on fantasy football.

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So Tennessee-Jacksonville, and then in college football East Carolina vs 0-10 UCF. Wait a minute, I thought the Thanksgiving turkeys were NEXT Thursday.

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Kylie Jenner said that if Kim Kardashian and Kanye West moved in with her “I would seriously stab myself’.”
Now, there’s an episode Americans would tune in to see.

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A psychiatrist testifying for Jared Fogle said that the Subway diet led to his criminal behavior “Once he lost weight, it seemed as though in a short time he had hyper-sexuality. There are brain disorders that can be associated with sexual drive.”
I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

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From T.C.    “Justin Bieber is trying to put his past behind him by apologizing and acting more polished. To start, he will only bomb his neighbors houses with “cage free” eggs.”

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Reuters is reporting some contract workers at seven U.S. airports, who want better wages and to unionize, may go on strike next week. These aren’t airline employees, but employees of a company airlines subcontract with to save money. One worker says he cleans and checks plane interiors for suspicious objects at New York Kennedy for $10.10 an hour. What could POSSIBLY go wrong here?

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United Airlines is offering 50,000 Mileage Plus miles if you purchase a Mercedes-Benz. Uh, if you can afford the Mercedes, guessing you don’t need no stinkin’ miles.

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Donald Trump is the first GOP candidate to say he would be open to having a “Muslim database” in the US. Now a database of gun owners, that would be un-American. ‪#‎theonlythingwehavetofearisfearitself‬ ‪#‎feariswinning‬

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Rudy Giuliani is now saying that “‘ISIS Is an Obama c reation.If we had not taken our troops out of Iraq and Afghanistan, ISIS never would have emerged.” Shocking. That’s the most words I can remember Giuliani stringing together without including 9-11.

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ISIS has to be amused. All this effort they are expending in a war against their perceived enemies in Syria. It turns out all they needed to do was kill some Westerners and start dropping fake Syrian passports, and they could get many in the U.S. on their side.

 

 

 

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Arms race

November 15, 2015

Well, that didn’t take long. Donald Trump says yesterday’s attacks in Paris would have been “a much, much different situation” had the victims been armed, Right. Because when a few civilians pulled out their guns and started shooting at perceived bad guys and others got confused and started shooting at them…. Yeah, it would have been different. A lot more deaths. Especially since all the attack sites served alcohol.

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And so if Trump wants everyone armed. Would he ban alcohol at restaurants/bars etc. Or does he trust drunks with guns? ‪
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Meanwhile, the NFL says they will increase security this weekend at games. Let’s see, they already have metal detectors and you are only allowed clear plastic bags instead of purses? What else are they going to do? At least it’s a jobs program.
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Thinking lots of people screaming now about the US Constitution are same ones who scream about the Bible – and they haven’t read either one.
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For all the “close the borders permanently” folks: Yes, a Syrian passport was found on one of the Paris attackers, and it might have been faked  – but at least terrorist was a French national and some are reportedly from Belgium. And alas, we cannot close the Internet. ‪#‎itsnotthateasy‬
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We can thank college football for distraction today, as J.T.Barrlett is leading OSU over Illinois. Dashcam footage of his DUI arrest has emerged, in which Barrett asks police, “I’m the quarterback of Ohio State. C’mon man. Officer, there’s nothing you can do?”
Sounds like it should have been more a statement than a question.
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So the IAAF, track and field’s governing body has provisionally suspended Russia from all international competition, including the 2016 Olympics, over alleged doping. President Sebastian Coe – “This has been a shameful wake-up call, and we are clear that cheating at any level will not be tolerated.”

There’s cheating in track and field now? I’m shocked, shocked

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Ohio State beat Illinois 28-3. If Urban Meyer knew it was going to be this easy he might have suspended J.T. Barrett for a whole two games.

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So with all the complicated plays at Stanford’s disposal you’d think they’d still find time to work on the center to the quarterback snap?

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In the 2009 Big Game, 2012 Fiesta Bowl, and today, ‪#‎Stanford‬ had a Heisman hopeful, and a game come down to a last play – Gerhart, Luck,McCaffery. And Harbaugh and now Shaw twice didn’t put it in that star’s hands. ‪#‎notbitter‬ ‪#‎moreimportantissues‬ ‪#‎stillcranky‬

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So now that the glamour gal lost will we all go back to not caring about women’s UFC?  ‪#‎RondaRousey‬ ‪

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TC points out that Greg Hardy had a ringside seat to the Holm-Rousey match. Well, Rousey couldn’t beat Holm but it’s a same she didn’t get a consolation round match against Hardy.

The awful Paris attacks had to be coordinated carefully for a period of time. Forget the gun issue for a minute. There’s been a lot of talk about Europe giving Edward Snowden asylum. Wonder how Europeans feel today about government surveillance of citizens.
And yes, I’m a liberal, and yes I think Snowden is a traitor.

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I wanna be sedated/debated…..

November 11, 2015

So I’m confused, after this ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ how many of the remaining contestants get roses?

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Four years ago, Rick Perry couldn’t remember the third Cabinet level department he wanted to eliminate. Tonight Ted Cruz said he wanted to eliminate five, and said the Dept of Commerce twice, while leaving out the Dept of Education. Makes some sense on education, Cruz certainly doesn’t seem to have benefited from it.

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Ted Cruz keeps telling voters to go to TedCruz.org. Because the man who wants us to trust him to lead the free world wasn’t smart enough to grab the TedCruz.com domain. ‪#‎Googleit‬ ‪#‎notreadyforprimetime‬

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So what does ‪#‎TedCruz‬ have against philosophers? Did he used to date one or something? ‪#‎GOPdebate‬

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In his first answer, Marco Rubio said to fix economy we need to repeal Obamacare. So congrats to all those who had “5 min. into the GOP debate in the pool.

Trump. “We are a country of laws”and we have to depart 11 million people. Then for example fruit will obey the laws and pick itself

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All these GOP candidates blame Obama & regulatory reform for U.S. economic woes. So why wasn’t the economy booming under Bush? ‪#‎GOPDebate‬
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 So let me get this straight, contestants in ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ all say regulations are big problem for US economy, but they want to regulate banks.

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#‎CarlyFiorina‬ keeps talking about how many of these world leaders she knows. Is this a ‪#‎GOPdebate‬ or a competition for Facebook friends?

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Carly Fiorina also dissing government and talking about “people who don’t do their jobs very well.” Well she should know ‪#‎HP‬ ‪#‎yourefired‬

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Ted Cruz is so out of touch he thinks wages in journalism can go any lower. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

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Ben Carson says he has a problem with “being lied about.” And apparently with not ending sentences with propositions.-

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Congrats to ‪#‎SFGiants‬ Brandon Crawford for winning his 1st Gold Glove, and to Yadier Molina for winning his 8th. Think they just might want to make it automatic for the Cardinals’ catcher until he retires.

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Target is being accused now of trivializing mental illness because they are selling a OCD (‘Obsessive Christmas Disorder’) holiday sweater. Beginning to think the real epidemic in this country is OPCD (“Obsessive Politically Correct Disorder.”)

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Facebook wants us to give them our phone numbers to “help secure your account and more.” Yeah, it’s the “and more,” that worries me.

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Oakland LB Ray-Ray Armstrong is being investigated in PA for allegedly taunting a police dog at Heinz Field – pounding on his chest and barking at the animal before the Raiders-Steelers game.
Uh, not sure about charges being filed but if Armstrong thinks it’s a good idea to taunt and anger a K-9, guessing the problem is going to work itself. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎Darwinwannabe‬

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Non-profit investigative journalism site ProPublica has released a list of members of Congress who have missed a tenth or more of eligible floor votes since 2007. Hmm, maybe it’s time to start drug-testing our representatives.

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Ohio State QB J.T. Barrett today did plead guilty to DUI. He will pay a $400 fine and have his license suspended for six months. With all due respect, since Barrett has NFL aspirations, maybe he should learn to live without driving these days, period.

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Urban Meyer has reinstated J.T. Barrett as OSU’s starting QB for this weekend’s game against Illinois, after a one-game suspension for DUI. “It’s never easy. I think it’s the right thing at this time.” Translation, the Fighting Illini might be a tougher competitor than most people think.

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Campbell’s says they are changing their chicken soup recipe to have fewer ingredients. Will one of them still be chicken?

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Pastor Kevin Swanson, upset with Dumbledore being homosexual, says that rather than have kids read the Harry Potter books, for “tens of millions of parents it would be better that a millstone be hung around their (children’s) neck and they be drowned at the bottom of the sea.”
And Swanson said this at the National Religious Liberties Conference. ‪#‎oxymoron‬ ‪#‎jesuswept‬

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An alligator was seen eating a python on a Florida golf course. If only the python had been armed.

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Up in arms?

November 7, 2015

So it’s headline news because “dozens of demonstrators in NYC are protesting NBC’s decision to allow Donald Trump to host SNL? “Dozens?” In California you can get more protesters in most towns over adding a single extra bike lane.

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Donald Trump says he has nixed some of the more “risque” skits tonight in SNL because he wants to stay ahead in Iowa. So the state and their “family values” matters that much to him? What next, will the Donald get a couple of his wives to campaign for him there?

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Ben Carson “Without Fox News we’d be Cuba.” Waiting for his first fellow GOP candidate to say “Well, without the cigars.”

Waiting for today’s crazy statement and thinking  – maybe Ben Carson is just really tired of running for President?

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In Australia, paramedics reportedly no longer ask patients who the prime minister is, because since not enough people know the question doesn’t work for an accurate assessment of patients.
Well, in the U.S. they probably already know not to ask the name of say, the Vice President or a state’s senators.

(or in some states,” how many fingers do you see?”)

Charlie Hebdo is now being criticized by Russia and others for cartoons about the crash of the Russian plane in Egypt. Uh, yeah, it’s a tasteless thing to joke about – tasteless is what Charlie Hebdo does. They are surprised why?

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Ben Zobrist just named his new baby girl “Blaise Royal.” Hmm, probably a good idea Zobrist didn’t get traded to the Mets, Dodgers or Giants.

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For your weekend, or next weekend’s  – tailgating edification  – the quote of the day -“the benefits arising from the moderate use of strong Liquor have been experienced by all armies, and are not to be disputed.” General George Washington

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Students at an off-campus apartment near the University of Alabama have hung a banner before today’s game with LSU. “Finish What Katrina Started.” ‪#‎stayclassy‬

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Kobe Bryant, 37, says he is never playing for another team “I’m a Laker for life/” Well, at this point, as if any other team would want him.

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Your warm and fuzzy story for the day. Three SFO security screeners were arrested on charges of defrauding the government and smuggling cocaine, allegedly allowing “certain passengers with narcotics in their carry-ons to pass through the X-ray machine without checking for security threats like explosives or weapons.
All three workers were contract workers of a private company named Covenant Aviation Security that contracts with TSA to provide screeners. But hey, they reduce costs. ‪#‎whatcouldpossiblygowrong‬?

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Visiting the east coast, staying up out of curiosity to see Trump on SNL,… It’s almost time for the show to start, and the AZ-USC game is heading to the 2nd quarter.  And we wonder why Pac 12 teams get no love/respect?

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From Bill Littlejohn: “Vernon Davis was traded by the 49ers to the Broncos.That must be like going from being dumped by Lindsay Lohan and rebounding with Jennifer Lawrence.”

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Moving on.

November 3, 2015

Rough World Series for New York fans. Now they’ll have to go back to being disappointed by the Jets, Giants and Knicks.

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There are rumors that Jimmy Fallon may have a worrisome drinking issue after three recent injuries. Hoping for his sake it’s not true…. but if it is, would NBC want Leno to come back as a temporary fill-in? Beginning to think the guy has more lives than a cat.

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A woman who was a 2014-15 Alabama’s Teacher of the Year has resigned. This after she was moved from teaching 2nd grade to 5th, and then told she didn’t have the qualifications to teach fifth-graders. Shocking. Alabama has teaching qualifications?

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Obama ordered federal agencies to “ban the box” in their hiring decisions, meaning they can’t ask prospective government employees about their criminal histories on job applications. Who says the President never does anything for Congress?

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Activision-Blizzard is acquiring Candy Crush’s maker for $5.9 billion. $5.9 billions? Wow. In the days after Halloween aren’t you supposed to get a discount on candy?

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Police have charged a Houston man with murder, saying he fatally stabbed his friend for taking the last piece of chicken at dinner. Your move, Florida, ‪#‎ifonlytheywerebotharmed‬

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ESPN is reporting that the SF 49ers are benching QB Colin Kaepernick for Blaine Gabbert. Which is the NFL equivalent of rearranging desk chairs on the Titanic?

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The SF 49ers have also shipped TE Vernon Davis to the Denver Broncos for future draft picks. Hardest thing for Davis at this point – wiping that sh*t-eating grin off his face as he cleans out his locker.

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So besides being suspended for 1 game, Ohio State QB J.T. Barrett will lose his scholarship for the summer term after being arrested for DUI and trying to avoid a checkpoint (“backing without safety.”)
This punishment means that unless he pays tuition himself, Barrett will not be able to work out with the team over the summer, but his scholarship will resume next fall. Assuming J.T. doesn’t declare for the NFL draft. ‪#‎whosaysUrbanMeyerdoesnthavestandards‬ ‪#‎sarcasm‬

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The EPA is saying now that Volkswagen SUVs also used cheating software to get around U.S. emission standards. Ah, for the good old days when the most corrupt people in the car business were simply some used-car salesmen.

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Fox is now slamming CNBC for their non “substantive”” questions in the last GOP debate and saying they will do better in their next Fox Business debate. With more questions like this from the first Fox debate? “I want to know if any of [the candidates] have received a word from God on what they should do and take care of first,”

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Now Donald Trump’s campaign says they will negotiate separately and “directly with the host network to establish debate criteria that will determine Mr. Trump’s participation.”
Guessing one of the questions the Donald will not allow would be one about how he expects to work collaboratively with Congress and various world leaders.

Donald Trump also now says he turned down an invitation to be on the “boring and low-rated” Last Week Tonight with John Oliver .And the show responded on Twitter “Couple of points. 1. Yes, we have a boring show. 2. At no point did we invite Donald Trump to appear on it.
So at what point does Trump realize, if he offends every single media outlet, who’s going to cover his outbursts?

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From Alex Kaseberg  “This Halloween, a kid came to our door dressed as Mets player, Daniel Murphy. At first he was a big hit, but then he kept dropping his candy.”

(And of course it would be perfect if the candy he dropped was rainbow skittles.)

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Good news, bad news.

October 29, 2015

The good news, Fox didn’t lose power for game 2 of the World Series. Bad news, baseball fans had to listen to Joe Buck for the whole game.

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Tough question Wednesday night for many Americans – what was more likely to drive them to drink  – listening to the GOP debate, or Joe Buck and company in the Fox World Series booth?

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So A-Rod was in the Fox broadcast booth. Is Fox trying anything that will make Joe Buck sound good by comparison? ‪#‎WorldSeries‬

(my friend Renee says “A-Rod has a voice for newsprint.”)

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The NFL has fined Steelers’ C William Gay $5,787 for wearing purple cleats in honor of his mother and other victims of domestic violence. Even though the league has had the pink theme for breast cancer all October.
So this is because the NFL really has nothing to do with domestic violence?
‪#‎sarcasm‬ ‪#‎heavysarcasm‬

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Donald Trump said in a Sioux City speech “If I lose Iowa, I will never speak to you people again” ‪#‎promise‬?

Yesterday Kylie Jenner was voted one of Time Magazine’s 30 “Most Influential Teens.” ‪#‎beammeupScottytheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet‬

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The NY Jets signed punter Steve Weatherford last week when their regular punterr, Ryan Quigley, was sidelined due to an infection. Now that Quigley is better the Jets cut Weatherford after 4 days. Four days. That’s not a football contract it’s a Hollywood marriage.

A NORAD blump that surveys the East Coast got loose in Maryland was flying free over Pennsylvania. It has now been secured. Wonder which major airline will now institute a “blimp avoidance” fee?

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Bills WR Sammy Watkins, angry with fans complaining about him being injured, took to Instagram to call them “losers,” and add “so continue working y’all little jobs for the rest of your lives….. go have a blessed day.”
Of course, “losers” with “little jobs” in Buffalo could save a lot of money staying home from Bills games.
‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬

If you are reading this and didn’t know Wednesday was National Chocolate Day, you’ve just missed it. So double or nothing?

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Chris Christie, saying he’s the best choice against Hillary Clinton: “You put me on the stage with her next September and she won’t get within 10 miles of the White House.” So does Christie have a friend with control of D.C. area bridges?

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The four lowest-polling GOP Presidential candidates were on earlier  Wednesday in the pre-debate “happy hour” debate. So called because you need to be getting drunk to watch it?

Bobby Jindal tonight at the kid’s table debate said that the U.S. is “going the way of Europe.” Thinking after 6 years of Jindal a lot of folks in Louisiana think Europe sounds pretty good.

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In the lurch

October 26, 2015

Dirk Nowitzki went as Lurch for a Halloween Party last weekend. Not to be outdone, now Lurch is planning to go as Dirk Nowitzki.

lurch

The NFL today officially filed their appeal of Tom Brady’s successful appeal of his Deflategate suspension. If this keeps up the case should finally be adjudicated just in time for Brady’s first Old Timers’ game.

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Forget the ‪SuperBowl‬. How much worse does it get for Ravens‬ before John ‪Harbaugh‬ starts looking to try to compete with brother Jim in college bowls?

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Dallas coach Jason Garrett said today that Greg Hardy needs to do better at “channeling” his emotions, but the the DE won’t be disciplined after his altercations with an assistant coach and teammates.
It’s all part of the Cowboys’ strict “12 strikes and you’re out” policy

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An Indiana woman is recovering from being shot in the foot after she put her shotgun on the ground without the safety catch while hunting. Her dog stepped on the gun and it went off. The dog’s name is Trigger. Your move, Florida.

(so have to wonder, is Trigger’s middle name “happy?”)

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Whole Foods has recalled chicken and pasta salad over possible listeria. Well, 99% of Americans are safe – they can’t afford to shop at Whole Foods.

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New Jersey drivers apparently pay the highest tolls in the U.S., 20 cents out of every dollar collected. Mostly presumably to get out of New Jersey.

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The WHO has said processed meats like bacon and sausages are grade 1 carcinogens, the same category as asbestos, alcohol, arsenic and tobacco.

Hmm, I see a new GOP way to fix social security’s money woes – have all Americans eat more hot dogs.

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So much for all those who think Donald Trump has never faced real adversity – “It’s not been easy for me. I started off in Brooklyn, my father gave me a small loan of $1 million. ”

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Mike Tyson is now saying that Trump “should be president of the United States.” Makes sense, the Donald can be the official candidate of those who’ve been hit on the head too many times.

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Fox News’ Jeanine Pirro, slamming Hillary Clinton, “I watched as the hearing devolved from a search for the truth to theater, political theater.” Uh, doesn’t political theater describe the whole GOP Benghazi witch hunt in the first place?

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Governor Greg Abbott wants to make “sanctuary cities” illegal in Texas. Can someone really make Abbott’s head explode and propose a Texas law that would require checking someone’s immigration status when they try to buy a gun?

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T.C. on national tv switching away from the Saints game Sunday.  “Houston fans switched to another game too – golf”

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from Marc Ragovin  “Too bad its not a Mets/Blue Jays World Series. I was really looking forward to Cespedes and Batista meeting at mid-field for the ceremonial bat flip.”

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Be afraid, be very afraid.

October 25, 2015

A Clear Food report found that 10% of vegetarian hot dogs contained meat. Hmm, that might be a higher percentage than regular hot dogs.

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As we move into Halloween week give NBC the early lead for the scariest statement of the week. During a Sunday Night Football commercial they just referred to “Republican front runner Donald Trump.”

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A new AP poll says that Republican voters view Donald Trump as their most electable candidate in 2016. ‪#‎beammeupScottietheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet‬

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The new president of Guatemala is former TV comedian Jimmy Morales, who has no experience in government, but won tonight in a landslide. ‪#‎PagingJonStewart‬

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The LA Times reports that a survey found 39% of L.A. millennials ‘chronically stressed’ about money. Presumably the other 61% are living with their parents.

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Jimmy Fallon, who badly injured his left hand in a fall at home earlier this year, apparently fell at a Harvard award event yesterday and injured his OTHER hand. Was he chewing gum at the time?

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UCF football coach George O’Leary, whose Golden Knights are 0-8, is retiring effective immediately. Making him luckier than UCF season ticket holders.

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As if I didn’t have enough reasons to hate FOX – First time in California we had the Saints on TV for a Sunday day game in the SF Bay Area, they have a 27-0 lead, and they just came on and said “unless you’re a fantasy owner or a Saints fan that doesn’t live in New Orleans you’re not interested in this game anymore so we are switching to another game”-  Humbug.

(and the Saints almost blew the game. Paging Heidi.)

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Chris Christie was kicked out of an Amtrak “quiet car” this morning. I am sure that has nothing to with what will be a number of unexpected New Jersey rail bridge closures tomorrow.

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Houston Texans QB Ryan Mallett, who said he bought an alarm clock after he said he overslept a training camp practice, missed the team plane to Miami and had to fly commercial for today’s game against the Dolphins. Apparently there is a difference between buying a clock and using a clock.

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The Dallas Cowboys have lost four in a row. No punchline, I just liked writing that.

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Greg Hardy, convicted of domestic violence before his ex-girlfriend didn’t show up for the appeal, apparently he shoved and yelled at teammates on the field in today’s Dallas loss.
Owner Jerry Jones’s response: “He’s, of course, one of the real leaders on this team and he earns it and he earns it with respect from all of his teammates and that’s the kind of thing that inspires a football team.”
Yeah, that’s the kind of attitude that has the Cowboys so beloved outside Texas.

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Former Majority Leader Tom DeLay said that if President Barack Obama issues an executive order to require background checks on some gun sales , the House should consider impeachment proceedings.
Is Delay nuts? Of course the House should not impeach Obama over such an action – now, another Congressional committee to investigate Hillary over her potential involvement, sure, why not?

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Joe Biden said tonight he didn’t run for President simply because at this point he “couldn’t win.” Uh, that hasn’t stopped most of the GOP field.

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Ben Carson said today he is against abortion in all cases, and cited “the many stories of people who have led very useful lives who were the result of rape or incest.” Of course, this is the same Dr. Carson who is against welfare because he thinks it says ‘You can’t take care of yourself and I’m going to give you food stamps, a housing subsidy and free health care….”
So, basically Carson is telling poor girls and women who are victims of rape and incest that they are f*cked twice over.

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No morning sunshine?

October 13, 2015

A new study found that people who like their coffee black are more likely to be sadistic and psychopathic. Well, at least until they get their coffee.

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For the second consecutive week, an error by MNF officials could have changed the outcome of the game, (although the Steelers won despite the “loss” of 18 seconds on the clock.) Maybe we should start checking the officiating crew for DraftKings accounts?

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Playboy has announced they will stop publishing nude pictures. Shocking. Playboy is still publishing?

USC Athletic Director Pat Haden said that now former coach Steve Sarkasian was fired because he “did not meet USC’s standards.” Well, that I believe. Trojans, at 1-2, are 5th out of 6 teams in the Pac 12 South.

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Twitter is laying off 8% of their engineers. So presume the pink slips were done in under 140 characters ‪#‎yourefired‬

The ‪#‎Cubs‬‘ Anthony Rizzo hit a go-ahead home run on an 0-2 pitch. ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans are having bad 2015 regular season flashbacks.

You think you might be having a bad week at work. Probably not as bad as Kevin Siegrist. (Cardinals relief pitcher. two losses in two days. Including the Cubs clincher today.)

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Ted Cruz is apparently moving up in the GOP polls. Just what kind of a world do we live in when Cruz isn’t close to looking like the most bat-shit crazy one?

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Donald ‪#‎Trump‬ is hosting ‪#‎SNL‬ on Nov. 7. Well, good for the Donald. He could use the exposure.

Some UberX drivers are supposedly planning not to work this weekend as a protest against the company’s low rates and lack of a tip option. Well, if this catches on it should be good for some serious surge pricing.

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So Lamar Odom is apparently “fighting for his life,” after being found unconscious at a Nevada brothel. Sad. Although perhaps the saddest people are the Kardashians since he’s no longer a “cast member” of their show.

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A new poll in California shows the President’s approval rating at 60%, the highest of his second term. ‪#‎IblameObama‬

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Democrats were wondering how to get viewers interested in their first debate tonight. Maybe Bernie Sanders should have threatened to take out Hillary Clinton with a hard slide?

“The excitement can still be felt in the debate hall.” And CNN said it with a straight face. ‪#‎DemDebate‬

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How could the ‪#‎Demdebate‬ possibly compete with stuff like this? Newt Gingrich said if called upon he would consider becoming Speaker of the House again, telling Sean Hannity “This is why George Washington came out of retirement – because there are moments you can’t avoid.” ‪#‎yeshesaidit‬ ‪#‎nottheOnion‬

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If anyone thinks that these days women are treated with any sort of equality in politics, then they clearly missed the earth-shattering commentary that Clinton aide Huma Abedin wore ALMOST THE SAME British dress that Kate Middleton has been seen in last year. ‪#‎nottheOnion‬  (The U.K Daily Mail,

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