Posted tagged ‘hot dog jokes’

Be afraid, be very afraid.

October 25, 2015

A Clear Food report found that 10% of vegetarian hot dogs contained meat. Hmm, that might be a higher percentage than regular hot dogs.

As we move into Halloween week give NBC the early lead for the scariest statement of the week. During a Sunday Night Football commercial they just referred to “Republican front runner Donald Trump.”

A new AP poll says that Republican voters view Donald Trump as their most electable candidate in 2016. ‪#‎beammeupScottietheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet‬

The new president of Guatemala is former TV comedian Jimmy Morales, who has no experience in government, but won tonight in a landslide. ‪#‎PagingJonStewart‬

The LA Times reports that a survey found 39% of L.A. millennials ‘chronically stressed’ about money. Presumably the other 61% are living with their parents.

Jimmy Fallon, who badly injured his left hand in a fall at home earlier this year, apparently fell at a Harvard award event yesterday and injured his OTHER hand. Was he chewing gum at the time?

UCF football coach George O’Leary, whose Golden Knights are 0-8, is retiring effective immediately. Making him luckier than UCF season ticket holders.

As if I didn’t have enough reasons to hate FOX – First time in California we had the Saints on TV for a Sunday day game in the SF Bay Area, they have a 27-0 lead, and they just came on and said “unless you’re a fantasy owner or a Saints fan that doesn’t live in New Orleans you’re not interested in this game anymore so we are switching to another game”-  Humbug.

(and the Saints almost blew the game. Paging Heidi.)

Chris Christie was kicked out of an Amtrak “quiet car” this morning. I am sure that has nothing to with what will be a number of unexpected New Jersey rail bridge closures tomorrow.

Houston Texans QB Ryan Mallett, who said he bought an alarm clock after he said he overslept a training camp practice, missed the team plane to Miami and had to fly commercial for today’s game against the Dolphins. Apparently there is a difference between buying a clock and using a clock.

The Dallas Cowboys have lost four in a row. No punchline, I just liked writing that.

Greg Hardy, convicted of domestic violence before his ex-girlfriend didn’t show up for the appeal, apparently he shoved and yelled at teammates on the field in today’s Dallas loss.
Owner Jerry Jones’s response: “He’s, of course, one of the real leaders on this team and he earns it and he earns it with respect from all of his teammates and that’s the kind of thing that inspires a football team.”
Yeah, that’s the kind of attitude that has the Cowboys so beloved outside Texas.

Former Majority Leader Tom DeLay said that if President Barack Obama issues an executive order to require background checks on some gun sales , the House should consider impeachment proceedings.
Is Delay nuts? Of course the House should not impeach Obama over such an action – now, another Congressional committee to investigate Hillary over her potential involvement, sure, why not?

Joe Biden said tonight he didn’t run for President simply because at this point he “couldn’t win.” Uh, that hasn’t stopped most of the GOP field.

Ben Carson said today he is against abortion in all cases, and cited “the many stories of people who have led very useful lives who were the result of rape or incest.” Of course, this is the same Dr. Carson who is against welfare because he thinks it says ‘You can’t take care of yourself and I’m going to give you food stamps, a housing subsidy and free health care….”
So, basically Carson is telling poor girls and women who are victims of rape and incest that they are f*cked twice over.

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Food for thought

April 20, 2015

Apparently in Kansas City some fans are complaining because the hot dogs on “$1 Hot Dog Night” were not exactly top quality. These are probably the same folks who complain about day-old sushi.

Kraft Foods says they are getting rid of artificial preservatives and synthetic colors in their “Original Macaroni and Cheese” starting in January 2016. Have to wonder, without the day-glo orange color, how many kids will stop eating the stuff?

Tim Tebow has formally signed a one-year deal with the Philadelphia Eagles. Let’s hope Tim didn’t take that “City of Brotherly Love” nickname too seriously.

Pelicans coach Monty Williams said that the Warriors crowd noise during game one was “a little out of hand.” Did he think Golden State fans would hear this and be quieter tonight. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

The #1 NFL player as far as merchandise sales last year was Seahawks QB Russell Wilson. Wonder how many fans bought stuff to pass on?

(My friend Arne says “there was a run on his jerseys…”)

 

Chris Christie is against legalized marijuana and says “we have an enormous addiction problem in this country.” So is the New Jersey Governor proposing the equivalent of lap-bands for pot smokers?

In Parma, Missouri, five out of a total of six cops resigned after the town elected a black woman mayor. So if Hillary gets elected will they turn in their citizenship?

Former N.J. Gov and CEO of bankrupt MF Global Jon Corzine is apparently considering starting his own hedge fund. Will the firm’s logo be a fox guarding a hen coop?

President Obama and his family took an unscheduled hike in Virginia’s Great Falls Park yesterday. Let’s see, no golf included, no Air Force One or helicopter needed…. maybe critics will go after him for bringing too much attention to the park and thus contributing to future overcrowding? ‪#‎cantwin‬

SF 49ers right guard Alex Boone apparently told HBO’s “Real Sports” about former coach Jim Harbaugh ” “This guy might be clinically insane.” Just wondering, what percentage of NFL coaches does Boone think aren’t?

A recent CNN-ORC shows no clear favorite for the Republican presidential nomination. Though since the primaries are about a year away have to wonder how many Americans could name the options. ‪#‎toomanyridersintheclowncar‬

 

The SF Chronicle reports that Cal wide receivers coach and recruiting coordinator Pierre Ingram was arrested last week during a prostitution sting for allegedly soliciting an officer. Yet another ill-advised and incomplete pass for the Bears?

 

 

Jon Stewart announced that his final episode of “The Daily Show” will be August 6. Wonder how many prospective Presidential candidates have now decided to announce they are running on August 7.