Posted tagged ‘baseball jokes’
April 3, 2016
Two of the sweetest words in the English language – “Play Ball!”. #OpeningDay
Trump now says that John Kasich shouldn’t be allowed to run because he can’t win. Well, heck, the Cubs have been allowed to play baseball for the last century.
–
Cardinals and Pirates opened up the MLB season today at PNC Park. Where the morning temperature was 33 degrees. Brrr… That’s almost as cold as a night game at Candlestick.
–
Enjoyed the #WorldSeries, but anyone but me thinks interleague play on #OpeningDay sucks?
–
PNC Park in Pittsburgh will be selling a new all-beef hot dog with Cracker Jack, macaroni and cheese, salted caramel sauce and fried jalapenos, on naan bread. The first ballpark food designed specifically to be sold to people who lose a bet?
–
Stephen Schwartz, who composed “Wicked” and other Broadway hits, has banned his shows being produced in North Carolina because of the new anti-LGBT law, and wants others to join him. But really, can you actually put on a Broadway show without the LGBT community?
–
Last night soccer star Abby Wambach was arrested for DUI in Oregon. Who says women athletes will never be the equals of men? Sigh.
(But to give Wambach credit, she posted about it on FB today with a full apology and no excuses…. that is not equal to many male athletes.)
Thon Baker, 19, a 7-ft tall basketball star from the Sudan, who graduated high school in Canada, has announced he will enter the NBA draft. What a shame, Baker could be missing some of the best months of his life in college.
–
Marijuana advocates had a massive joint smoking rally outside the White House yesterday calling for legalization. Why stop there? Make pot smoking mandatory for Congress. #maybethentheycouldallgetalong
–
The Golden State Warriors trailed after the first quarter against the Portland Trail Blazers, but then went on 6-0 run at end of 2nd quarter to lead by 7 at the half. And pulled away to win by 25. Worried Golden State fans were beginning to think team was mortal.
–
The D.C. Madam’s lawyer says that her client records are online and could be released in 72 hours. As if this election wasn’t enough fun already?
–
Oklahoma lost by 44 yesterday to Villanova. On a brighter note for Buddy Hield, at least he got a little practice in how games might be next year if he is drafted by the Lakers.
Donald Trump now says the current laws on abortion should remain unchanged. Give the Donald credit, most politicians take years to cover every side of an issue, he’s done it in less than a week.
Categories: baseball jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Cubs jokes, interleague jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, Opening day jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 24, 2016
Today #Cruz called #Trump a “sniveling coward.” So in Presidential debates can we expect one of them to say “#Hillary you ignorant slut?”
–
The GOP has hammered Obama for staying in Cuba and then traveling to Argentina after the Brussels attacks. Right, a real leader would have stayed home and fought a Twitter battle over his opponent’s spouses?
–
Today was the 15th anniversary of the day Randy Johnson pulverized a bird with a pitch. Poor bird, if he had only been hit by Barry Zito, he’d have been telling the story to his grandchicks.
–
#RGIII has signed with the Cleveland #Browns. Same circus, different ringmaster?
In Indiana, it is now illegal to abort a pregnancy because of fetal abnormalities. But no doubt the “pro-life” folks will also make sure mothers of disabled babies/children/adults will have welfare and medical care as long as they need it…… #sarcasm
–
In Palm Bay, a 24-year-old woman, angry her boyfriend was at a topless bar, confronted him in the parking lot, fought with him, and then ran him over with a car Back on your game, Florida. #ifonlyshewasarmed
–
Florida looking to extend their lead for the week: A woman and her husband were both arrested after she hit him with a Burrito Supreme and he responded by stabbing her in the hand with a fork he was using to eat a Taco Bell pizza. #standyourguacamole?
–
Arizona Cardinals coach Bruce Arians, saying only “fools” don’t want their kids to play football. “This is the greatest game in the world I think it teaches more values than any other game that you play.”
Right, that’s why the NFL leads other pro sports leagues with their arrest rate….
–
You know it’s really spring in Denver when…. a blizzard shuts down the airport.
Passengers on board a private plane escaped injury when their landing gear collapsed at San Jose Airport. Good thing it wasn’t United – they’d have probably started to charge a wheels fee.
–
So in the SF Bay Area March means two things: Next month the Giants are back. And next month the 49ers will make another bad draft pick.
–
OK, 66 is WAY too damn young. R.I.P Garry Shandling. My favorite quote – “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.”
–
Michele Bachmann wrote a long rambling post basically intimating that the Brussels bombings were Obama’s fault because God wanted to force the media to pull their attention from his Cuba trip. Wow. Is Bachmann angling for a post in a possible Trump cabinet?
–
From Dwight Perry, “If you think the NFL’s “what’s a catch?” rule can be cruel, ponder this for a second: Northern Iowa won an NCAA tournament game on a half-court heave that was still in the air 10 feet from the basket when the final buzzer sounded — and Cincinnati lost even though its tying shot was inside the cylinder at the buzzer. The latter because the shooter’s fingertip was still touching the ball.
Yeah, sports are weird.
Categories: airline jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Cruz jokes, Cuba jokes, Florida jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, Trump jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
February 25, 2016
Major League Baseball has changed the rules this year to say runners must make a “bona fide” slide at second base. Chase Utley’s response – “It will definitely help keep guys healthy for sure.” Well, if Utley starts obeying the rule it will certainly keep opposing pitchers from throwing at his head….
–
#MLB will limit mound visits this year to 30 seconds. Well how will players be able to decide on good wedding gifts? #Candlesticks
–
Dexter Fowler, who turned down a 1-year $15.8 million qualifying offer with the Cubs, just ended up signing to return to Chicago for $8 million. And then I presume Fowler fired his agent.
–
ESPN has named Albert Pujols’ contract with the Angels as the worst in MLB for 2016. Hmm, is this a challenge for Pablo Sandoval?
–
Supermodel Chrissy Teigen published a cookbook (what, super models eat?) that included a picture of her dog wearing a collar with Teigen’s personal cellphone number on it. So Chrissy had to change her number.
Well, that ought to do wonders to dispel the image of dumb blondes.
–
Spelling, another commie-pinko liberal concept: 
One good thing about tonight’s #GOPDebate, easy to listen from the kitchen while cooking dinner without turning up the sound. #nonstopshouting
The latest GOP debate knocked the latest mass shootings, in Kansas, right out of the top headline. Once again, just imagine the ratings these debates would get #ifonlytheywerearmed
–
Carnival Cruise Lines is now selling a prepaid drink package that includes wine and spirits up to $50 per serving. With all due respect, if you drink stuff that is that high-end, just guessing you won’t be on Carnival.
–
Emily Maynard won “the Bachelor,” and then after breaking up with the guy, became “the Bachelorette” got engaged again and broke up with him too. Now married to someone she didn’t meet on TV, Maynard has written a book “I said Yes”, because she thinks God “gave me the platform to help grow his kingdom.”
And God is thinking “What, it’s not enough that I’m getting blamed for Ted Cruz….”
–
Former Mexico President Vincente Fox on Trump’s plans: “I declare, I’m not going to pay for that f—–g wall.” Well, if the Donald is elected, how long before Canadian PM Justin Trudeau decides they’ll pay for a wall to keep Americans out?
–
In response to protests from anti-abortion activists Lands’ End has pulled an interview with Gloria Steinem from their website – the feature wasn’t about abortion, but was rather part of a series on “individuals who have made a difference in both their respective industries and the world at large.”
Well, there’s one company to take permanently off my shopping list.
–
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachelor jokes, baseball jokes, Cruz jokes, Cubs jokes, GOP debate jokes, Janice Hough, lands end jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
February 23, 2016
Another sign of the apocalypse: The Chicago Cubs are 4-1 favorites to win the World Series this year.
–
Many SF Giants fans were broken-hearted when Pablo Sandoval left for Boston. As the pictures emerge of a even larger Panda at spring training for the Red Sox, just imagine how upset those fans would be if he’d signed that $90 million offered contract.
–
NASA has released an audio recording of Apollo 10 astronauts talking about “outer space type music” from the far side of the moon. Are they sure it wasn’t Pink Floyd?
–
Starbucks is changing their rewards program to give customers freebies based on dollars spent not number of visits. Which in most cases means double the visits for a freebie. So the coffee chain wants to be as beloved as the airlines?
Jean Boyd, the retired Texas judge who sentenced ‘affluenza’ teen Ethan Couch to probation in the first place, for his DUI crash that killed four people, says she doesn’t regret the sentence, and ‘don’t have all the facts’ simply don’t understand the logic behind her decision. Shocking. There was “logic” behind her decision? #affluenzaiscatching?
–
Apparently a lot of GOP donors are switching to Marco Rubio. So they think he can out debate Hillary Clinton? Rubio couldn’t even out debate Chris Christie.
Donald Trump “I hear the Rickets family, who own the Chicago Cubs, are secretly spending $$$s against me. They better be careful, they have a lot to hide!” Almost expect to hear him say next “before someone drops a house on you too?”
–
So Ted Cruz has apparently asked his national spokesman Rick Tyler to step down, after the latest dirty tricks allegation, this time that the Cruz campaign deliberately posted a fake FB story about Rubio. Well, no worries, am sure it will take about 10 minutes for Tyler to be offered a job with Donald Trump.
–
Bob Dole has now endorsed Marco Rubio for President. Did Dole say Rubio is the best young candidate he has met since Abe Lincoln?
–
Horrible senseless killings in Kalamazoo. But since the San Bernardino killings basically meant all the GOP candidates wanted tougher regulations against immigrants, can expect the same candidates to call for government to impose tougher regulations against Uber drivers?
–
So apparently Barbara Bush was the one who got Jeb to drop out, to help preserve the family’s reputation. Shame Jeb didn’t listen to Mom before, when she said there had been “enough Bushes in the White House.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Janice Hough, Rubio jokes, spring training jokes, Starbucks jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
February 22, 2016
Denny Hamlin won the #Daytona500 by just six inches. Not surprisingly men who saw the photo thought it was more like a foot.
–
#Daytona500 today. The only time of the week millions of #NASCAR fans enjoy watching anyone turn to the left.
–
Wonder if even Derek Jeter is thinking this #KobeBryant farewell tour is getting over the top?
–
The 2016 #Marlins apparently have a rule against facial hair. Well, not like they are going to have to worry about playoff beards.
–
Former Cowboys RB Joseph Randle has been arrested for the 5th time in 17 months. Is Randle trying to prove he still belongs in the NFL?
–
SF Giants prospect Ray Black has been clocked at 104 mph. And somewhere Barry Zito is just weeping.
–
GOP conventional wisdom always had it that “it should have been Jeb.” Dems now concur. Based on this campaign, were he running against Jeb, Gore wouldn’t have even needed Florida.
–
So March Rubio edged Ted Cruz for second in South Carolina tonight: Wonder if Cruz or Trump will be the first to try to hire Chris Christie.
–
So the alleged Kalamazoo shooter is a white man with a “typical American family.” Waiting for the first person who figures out a way to try to blame this on Muslims or immigrants.
–
Not great publicity for Uber that the Kalamazoo suspect was an Uber driver who was picking up fares between shootings. Let’s hope that while scared residents tried to get home that the company wasn’t also doing surge pricing.
#bustohell #ubertohell?
Mitt Romney apparently has finally decided to endorse Marco Rubio, So until now was he only 47% percent sure?
–
Hillary Clinton today was countering criticism that she’s running for President for “selfish reasons.” Give me a break, they’re ALL running for selfish reasons.
–
Edward Snowden says he misses the U.S. and is willing to be extradited home if the U.S government guarantees he would get a fair trial where he can make “a public interest defense.” Uh, not sure if Snowden would be convicted or not, but getting media coverage of his defense is not going to be an problem.
–
When the lights went out at one of his rallies, Donald Trump used the occasion to lash out at “the dishonest press.” Is that any way to talk about the people who have made it unnecessary for the Donald to pay for any of his publicity?
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, snowden jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Bush jokes, Cruz jokes, Daytona 500 jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
February 16, 2016
Buster Posey is moving permanently to Northern California. “My wife has just really fallen in love with the area. And as anybody who’s married knows, once your wife’s happy with a place… ”
And heck, with a 9 year $167 million contract, the Poseys can almost afford to buy a house here.
–
Clemson’s Deshaun Watson accepted the O’Brien Trophy for the best college football QB, and spoke of the team’s “unfinished business.” Hmm, wonder if that includes classes?
Manny Pacquiao has apologized after he compared gay couples to animals. So has the Filipino boxer been hit in the head one too many times? Or is he planning to move to the US and run for office as a Republican?
A British man managed to eat at all 46 London McDonald’s restaurants in a single day. Wonder when his services are scheduled.
–
So the audio went out for part of Adele’s song last night. And many Super Bowl viewers are thinking “Why couldn’t it have happened to Cold Play?”
A German shorthaired pointer won the Westminster Kennel Club dog show. Waiting for Trump to complain about a foreigner taking something from American dogs.
–
Headline on a tabloid magazine seen at the check stand “How Khloe saved Lamar.” Uh, except for the fact that Odom probably wouldn’t have been such a mess and ended up overdosing if he had never gotten involved with the Kardashians in the first place.
–
President Obama, talking about his plan to nominate a Supreme Court justice “The Constitution is pretty clear about what is supposed to happen now’
Waiting for Ted Cruz to respond “the Constitution is a living, breathing thing.”
–
George W. Bush in South Carolina, campaigning for his brother. “I understand that Americans are angry and frustrated but we do not need someone in the Oval Office who mirrors and inflames our anger and frustration.”
That’s a lot more articulate than he ever was as President.
–
A list of the world’s top airports for on-time flights is out, and #1 in the U.S. is… Minneapolis?! No joke. Think about that the next your airline delays your flight due to snow.
–
American Airlines is suing Go-Go internet to get out of their contract because they have found faster and better alternatives. Not sure of the legality here, but considering Go-Go charges about $35 for the mediocre internet they have on cross-country flights with United (2-3 times United’s other wi-fi prices), this might be the one time popular opinion is on the side of the airlines.
Ben Carson, asked in an interview if GOP candidates would say the same things about waiting to nominate a Supreme Court judge if there was a Republican president, responded “No, they wouldn’t.” So Dr. Carson is making a last-ditch push to pander to the reasonable faction of his party?Ben Carson, asked in an interview if GOP candidates would say the same things about waiting to nominate a Supreme Court judge if there was a Republican president, responded “No, they wouldn’t.” So Dr. Carson is making a last-ditch push to pander to the reasonable faction of his party?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, baseball jokes, boxing jokes, Janice Hough, Pacquiao jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes, westminster dog show jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
February 15, 2016
The best Valentine’s Day present for many of us is the realization that pitchers and catchers report this week. #SpringTraining #MLB
Watching the NBA All Star game had to wonder – Does Kobe Bryant have a fatal disease or something?
–
NBA All Star Game is over. So #NBA fans who enjoy games with no defense will just have to go back to watching the #Lakers
–
There actually was a spread on the NBA All Star Game. And if you know what it is, you just MIGHT have a gambling problem.
–
Since the slam-dunk and 3-point shooting contests are so popular with viewers, maybe here’s a solution to the Pro Bowl: forget the game, and just get the top players together for some skills contests. And maybe the No Fun League for one day could let players come up with their “best touchdown celebration.”
–
Denver Broncos safety Shiloh Keo was busted for DUI in Idaho, making him the third NFL player to be arrested this year. Once again, the league is proving they can keep making headlines in the offseason.
–
A T & T winner Vaughn Taylor made the field Monday in Pebble Beach as an alternate. Put that in a movie & critics would say it wasn’t realistic.
And Taylor certainly “needed” it more than Mickelson. But Lefty at 45 remains one of the most entertaining (and beloved) golfers of our time.
–
New SF Giants outfielder Denard Span told an interviewer in 2013 that he was afraid of birds and fish. “You know, I’m okay with someone throwing a fastball at my head But a bird flies at my head, I’m more terrified.”. Which could present interesting challenges for Bruce Bochy in the late innings at AT&T park. #gullpower
–
As Ted Cruz continues to insist he will filibuster anyone Obama nominates to the Supreme Court, has it occurred to him that our cerebral and thoughtful President, himself a former law school professor, might pick someone Cruz would like a lot better than, not even a possible President Sanders or Clinton, but a President Trump?
–
If these GOP candidates really want to prove how much they love the 2nd amendment, why don’t they agree all to be armed for the next debate? #mustseeTV
–
A 45 minute lockdown at Arkansas State University was lifted after ‘gunmen’ on campus turned out to be student actors filming a video. Once again Darwin is thinking “Missed it by THAT much.” #cantfixstupid
–
Neal makes an potentially fun point,
Ted Cruz’s campaign is dealing with some fallout because they accidentally used a porn actress in on of their commercials. …
“Too bad she didn’t get a selfie with the candidate.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Cruz jokes, debate jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe Bryant jokes, NBA All-Star game jokes, NBA jokes, scalia jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
February 11, 2016
The NBA is discussing a proposal during the All-Star break that would let teams sell ONE corporate logo on their uniforms for the 2017-18 season. Meaning by about the 2020-21 season the uniforms should all look like NASCAR’s.
–
So Jeremy Affeldt is joining the CSN broadcast crew. Can’t wait until the first time the former SF Giants pitcher second guesses Bruce Bochy’s pitching change decisions.
SF Giants fans who remember Affeldt’s creative stints on the DL hope that the network offers good medical insurance.
–
Some discussion on where RGIII may end up next year. Well, the Redskins QB may have been disappointing but RGIII should be thankful to Johnny Manziel for making him look like a good bet by comparison.
–
Jason Castro today became the first MLB player to lose in arbitration this year.. He had asked for $5.2 million, but the arbitrator sided with the Astros, and gave him only $5 million.
You know baseball salaries are in another world when the immediate reaction is, “only $200,000, why couldn’t they settle?”
–
Scientists say they have detected gravitational waves, which were a major component of Einstein’s theory of relativity. Waiting for the GOP rebuttal.
–
Ben Carson – “I’m getting a lot of pressure to make sure I stay in the race.” No doubt, primarily from comedy writers who lost both Fiorina and Christie in the same day.
–
Anyone but me think it’s a bit strange that the guy who is saying “Make America Great Again” is a multi-billionaire who consistently has had America be pretty great for him.
–
Donald Trump attacked the NY Daily News after it put him on their cover as a clown, saying it was a failing paper. So now the NYDN has a new hashtag, #Trumpfails, and started a “brief history of Trump’s many failures.” Get some popcorn folks, this could be fun.
–
Patriots owner Robert Kraft to a TV reporter “I happened to see Archie (Manning)…. He has two sons who have won two Super Bowls (each) But with all due respect, we have one son who has won four.” Ah, it’s this sort of thing that makes the Patriots so beloved outside New England. #stayclassy
The Raiders announced they have signed a lease to stay in Oakland for the 2016 season. Translation, nobody else wants them.
–
Kanye West, in lyrics about Taylor Swift – ” I made that that B—H famous.” Hard to believe it’s possible but Kanye might almost make the Kardashians look classy by comparison.
–
Marco Rubio says he broke a tooth chewing on a frozen Twix Bar. And somewhere W. is thinking “And they gave me grief on a pretzel?”
After a summit in Munich, John Kerry has announced a deal for a ceasefire in Syria “within a week.” #IblameObama
–
You call this a debate? Where is the name-calling, where is the crazy talk, where are the clowns? #DemDebate
The U.S election system really has gotten corrupt. Why, we can’t even vote on the American Idol semi-finalists anymore. Viewers won’t be able to vote until the last six weeks. #isnothingsacred?
–
From T.C. “Nike is celebrating its Jordan Brand’s 30th anniversary this weekend. The latest models will sell for $200. This compared to only $100 when they were first introduced. The company blames the price increase on raises that have brought their Chinese children factory workers up to 35 cents per hour “
Categories: baseball jokes, cellphone jokes, debate jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, NBA All-Star game jokes, NBA jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
February 9, 2016
Donald Trump is saying now he would not have run for President if he owned an NFL team. Quick, can some one sell him one?
–
–
So which was more disappointing yesterday for serious fans? The #SuperBowl game or the #SuperBowl commercials?
–
Rudy Giuliani on Beyonce’s Super Bowl Show, which featured a tribute to “Black Lives Matter,” “I thought it was really outrageous that she used it as a platform to attack police officers who are the people who protect her and protect us.” Shocking – Giulani spoke an entire sentence without mentioning 9-11?!
–
If everyone hadn’t gotten their knickers in such a knot, most of America wouldn’t have even realized there WAS a political message in Beyonce’s Super Bowl halftime show.
–
Broncos safety T.J. Ward on the Panthers after the Super Bowl “They want to be famous. We want to be champions. They want to be rappers and backup dancers. We want to play football.”
Apparently no one told Ward about the concept of being a sore winner
–
Last night showed Cam Newton has a lot to learn. For starters Marshawn Lynch could have taught him “I’m just here so I don’t get fined.”
–
A bright note for fans of many other teams – Panthers and Broncos showed yesterday you don’t really need a quarterback to win a Super Bowl. (Yes, Bears fans, there’s hope even with Jay Cutler.
–
The best thing about after hearing the words “I’m presenting the Super Bowl trophy to….” is that soon we will be hearing the words “Pitchers and catchers report.”
–
The Cal band played at halftime of yesterday’s Super Bowl. Which was exciting for Bears band members- especially since they aren’t likely to get the chance to play at halftime of a Rose Bowl
Jack in the Box says they will give away 1 million free hamburgers. To paraphrase Johnny Carson 40 or so years ago, wow, that’s almost 100 pounds of meat.
–
Former NY Mayor Michael Bloomberg says he IS considering running for President in 2016. Because the car doesn’t have enough clowns already?
–
The U.S Treasury department said 4,279 people renounced U.S. citizenship in 2015, a new record. Which will be a very small percentage of the total if Donald Trump somehow gets elected
–
A Broncos fan, Justin Kerrigan, told an NBC reporter he had paid $21,000 for Super Bowl tickets but said “Don’t tell my wife.” Well, it’s a good thing no one watches NBC.
–
Tomorrow is the New Hampshire primary, the first actual primary, not caucus, of the 2016 Presidential election. For the rest of us, we’re only 2 weeks away from the first voting on American Idol.
A Royal Caribbean cruise ship has turned around and is heading back to New Jersey after being caught in damaging hurricane force winds on its way to the Bahamas. CNN is torn between covering the ship’s return and the New Hampshire primary.
–
Scene right out of “Airplane” at Houston Intercontinental Airport. Someone opens a door they shouldn’t and a siren and announcement comes on “A fire alarm has been activated, please evacuate the building. Use the stairs. Do not use the elevator”. With continual siren. This announcement competes with the United agent saying “This happens all the time, please remain seated, we have not confirmed an actual fire alarm.”. Half expected them to start arguing about the red zone and the white zone.
From Alex Kaseberg “Last year, Tom Brady gave his Super Bowl MVP truck to the player who won the game for them, safety Malcolm Butler. So is Von Miller giving his truck to Cam Newton?”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Broncos jokes, Giuliani jokes, Janice Hough, New hampshire jokes, Super Bowl Jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
December 14, 2015
So just wondering. How come we can’t say #MerryChristmas but we have to listen to #GodBlessAmerica at every Sunday #MLB game?
–
Holiday tip of the day. If you have an SUV large enough to carry two kids’ soccer teams, you just MIGHT be too big to park in a “compact car” spot
Scott Cochran, Alabama’s strength and conditioning coach for football, was rumored to be leaving for Georgia. But he will remain with the Crimson Tide, reportedly with a raise. USA Today says Cochran’s current salary is $420,000 and he probably will get at least $500,000 to stay.
Hmm, wonder what professors make at Alabama?
–
Amazon has apparently removed most hoverboards from their site over safety concerns, specifically that some models could catch fire and explode. And here I was thinking the biggest worry was falling off the things.
–
Apparently new MLB commission Rob Manfred has decided to keep Pete Rose’s lifetime ban in place. It’s always seemed to me a reasonable solution was to allow Rose to be on the Hall of Fame ballot, but ban him from ever holding a job again in baseball. Not having the career hits leader on a plaque seems wrong.
–
Right about now the #Spurs and #Warriors are doing good job convincing casual basketball fans there’s no need to pay attention until #NBA Western Conference Finals.
–
#SFGiants apparently got #JohnnyCueto. Clearly there’s something here about the hair.
You know the MLB free agent market is out of whack when 6 years $130 million for #JohnnyCueto seems like a reasonably priced deal. #SFGIANTS
–
The FAA says drone owners will have to register their remote-controlled aircraft starting Dec 21. But what if your drone is armed?
–
Tennessee Sen. Bob Corker says he has refiled his financial disclosure forms after a WSJ report said he didn’t file millions of dollars worth of investments and profits he received since joining the Senator in 2007. Corker now says “I am extremely disappointed in the filing errors that were made in earlier financial disclosure reports.”
Well, I am sure he is extremely disappointed that he got caught.
–
An 11-year-old girl who was visiting a friend with some other classmates was fatally shot by a 12-year-old boy at his Tennessee home Friday night. If only the kids had been armed.
–
Police have now charged Ole Miss DL Robert Nkemdiche with marijuana possession after his fall from a hotel window this weekend. Police say they found the football star “conscious and breathing while lying on the ground near the Hyatt’s sidewalk and driveway — and a group of several associates. None of them claimed to know why Nkemdiche had fallen out the double-pane room window.”
Hmm, maybe more than one person should have been charged with possession of something….
Donald Trump, on Iowa polls show him losing to Ted Cruz “Don’t worry, it’s just Iowa.” Well, that ought to make the Donald even more popular in the state.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Christmas jokes, Janice Hough, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
October 23, 2015
The Pacifc Coast of Mexico braced today for Patricia, possibly the “worst hurricane ever.,” which was expected still to be a major storm by the time it hits Texas. Waiting for Donald Trump to say if he were in charge he’d put up a wall to stop it.
–
The only way CNN could have been more excited about Hurricane #Patricia was if there were a cruise ship potentially stuck in it.
–
First Jim Webb, now it’s bye bye Lincoln Chafee. Say what you want about Democrats, but at least they know when to give up on hopeless Presidential campaigns. Yes, I’m talking about you “fill-in-the-blank.”
U.S. authorities this week found a U.S.-Mexico border tunnel stretching the length of 8 football fields long, from Tijuana to San Diego, with lighting, electricity and a rail system. Sounds like these are the kind of folks Trump might want to build that wall.
–
Spurs basketball coach Gregg Popovich is going to be the new coach of Team USA. Will be quite a change for Pop to coach a team of American players.
Got to love it, on Friday night, Fox Sports ticker had “Breaking News – Royals defeat Rays 4-3 to advance to second straight World Series.” During post game #ALCS coverage.
–
Scott Servais will apparently be named the Mariners new manager this year. So once again folks, if you want your kids to grow up to be managers, give them a catcher’s mitt.
–
Westboro Baptist Church was picketing the Blue Jays -Royals ALCS game tonight to “preach to the depraved Canadians.” Where were some players with good strong bat flips when you REALLY needed them?
–
New Jersey police are looking for the rightful owner of 50 pounds of pot that was mailed to someone who didn’t even live at the address. When that person comes forward he/she will receive free room and board from the state for a while. Along with a #canttixstupid award.
–
The number of confirmed Shigella infections has risen to 141 in an outbreak traced to a San Jose, CA restaurant. So waiting for N.C. senator Thom Tillis to reiterate his Feb. 2015 comments of how obligatory hand-washing rules are an example of government overreach.
–
McDonald’s is testing out new sweet potato fries in Texas. Makes sense. Most Americans really do feel sweet-deprived.
–
Maine voters fhis fall have “Question 1”, a citizen initiative to strengthen the state’s Clean Election Act . It requires more donor transparency, and would allow candidates that are being heavily outspent by their opponents to re-qualify for additional public financing by collecting more small-dollar contributions.
Governor Paul LePage says “that’s like giving my wife my checkbook. I’m telling you, it’s giving your wife your checkbook.”
Wow., that’s misogynistic enough you wonder if LePage is hoping to be a GOP running mate.
President Obama today compared Republicans to #GrumpyCat. Prompting calls for an apology…. from Grumpy Cat.
–
While most agree Hillary Clinton is smart, some of the buzzwords used against her are “Machiavellian,” “ambitious,””ruthless,” “duplicitous,” etc.
Just thinking, what if the Dems ran a woman who was just considered smart, sweet, kind and understanding? Then the GOP would say she was naive and by no means tough enough to lead in a tough world of cunning male leader
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes
Tags: ALCS jokes, baseball jokes, election jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, mexico jokes, patricia jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
October 5, 2015
Oops. With “biblical” flooding in South Carolina, NBC’s weatherman Al Roker has now apologized for tweeting a selfie with him and his crew standing besides a flooded car. Guess it’s not just teenage girls who smartphones can make stupid.
–
The Supreme Court today denied to hear San Jose’s claim that MLB has illegally blocked the A’s attempt to move to the South Bay. Maybe the city would have done better if they framed the case as an issue of religious freedom. #ibelieveinthechurchofbaseball
–
The CEO of Alaska said the airline lost his checked bag. And over at United they’re thinking “”For the first time? Amateurs.”
–
Yankees pitcher C.C. Sabathia has checked himself into alcohol rehab. Shocking. Not that an athlete goes to rehab, but he does it without being arrested first.
–
After the Saints OT win yesterday, Texas governor Greg Abbott said the Cowboys’ defense was “more porous than the Texas border.” Surprised he didn’t blame Obama.
–
Well, we now have the answer to the question – How are the #Lions going to screw up their chance to win tonight? #MNF #DETvsSEA
–
So in close games in the 4th quarter should referees at CenturyLink Field just go ahead & put #Seahawks logo on their uniforms? #DETvsSEA
–
American Apparel has filed for bankruptcy. American Apparel is still in business?
–
In Tennessee last Saturday, an 11-year-old boy shot and killed an 8-year-old neighbor when the girl wouldn’t let him play with her puppy. #Ifonlyshewerearmed
–
So just wondering ,how long until even atheists in SF start calling for #Tebow? #SF49ers
–
Louisville men’s basketball coach Rick Pitino, doubling down on his denials of being aware of a former director of basketball operations paying escorts to have sex with players and recruits – “Not myself, not one player, not one trainer, not one assistant, not one person knew anything about any of this. If anyone did, it would have been stopped on a dime. Not one person knew anything about it.”
Not ONE person? Again I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.
–
Edward Snowden now is telling the BBC that he’d “volunteered to go to prison with the government many times,” if he returns to the US but had not received a formal plea-deal offer. Guess it says something about life in Russia these days if an American jail is more appealing.
–
Last week it came out that the Libertarian candidate for Senate in Florida had sacrificed a goat, now he also admits that in a pagan ritual he drank its blood. Where are the defenders of religious freedom on this one?
–
From Marc Ragovin – “After only four games, the Miami Dolphins have axed head coach Bill Philbin. I guess Philbin now sleeps with the fishes.”
–
And guest driving on the bus to hell, T.C. “Who knew that CC Sabathia was really CC & Seven Sabathia?”
An American Airlines pilot died last night in the cockpit of a red-eye flight to Boston. You know you’re on the bus to hell when the first thing you think of is “Airplane” jokes.
–
Serious thought for a change:
Jerry Brown, a former Jesuit seminarian, signed a bill in California today to allow terminally ill people to end their lives. The Catholic church opposes the bill, and the Governor said did not know what he would do if he were dying and in pain.
“But,I am certain, however, that it would be a comfort to be able to consider the options afforded by this bill. And I wouldn’t deny that right to others.”
Sometimes I think it’s a real shame Moonbeam is too old to run for President.
Categories: airline jokes, As jokes, baseball jokes, cellphone jokes, pitino jokes, snowden jokes, Supreme court jokes, texas jokes
Tags: #cantfixstupid, A's jokes, airline jokes, baseball jokes, Janice Hough, Snowden jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 6, 2015
SF Giants bring Billy Joel to A T and T. At least it means this September the park saw some big hits.
–
Joel went through a lot of his biggest hits. But not, “Only the Good Die Young.” Maybe they aren’t lyrics you think about with a new born daughter.
Kim Kardashian now has 45 million Instagram followers. “Beam me up Scotty, there’s no intelligent life on this planet.””
BYU beat Nebraska on a last-second Hail Mary. Wait though, at Brigham Young shouldn’t it be a “Hail Joseph” or something?
–
Cal 73. Grambling State 14. And at Grambling State the athletic director’s phone is ringing off the hook with requests for games with SEC teams.
–
Wow. So the Eagles DID cut Tim Tebow, electing to keep just two quarterbacks – Sam Bradford and Mark Sanchez. So over-under on how many weeks into the season it takes Philly fans to start screaming for Tebow?.
–
Tim Tebow has been told once again he is not an NFL quarterback. Although as we will see, the same is true of more than a few quarterbacks who are on NFL rosters.
–
Tom Brady Facebook post on Deflategate “I am sorry our league had to endure this.” Uh, he thinks it’s over?
–
Over 200 rallied in front of the jail where Kim Davis is being held, demanding the clerk be freed, and talking about obeying God and Jesus and following their consciences etc. Uh, if these folks really have nothing better to do with their time, aren’t there poor families in the state in need of Christian help and charity.
–
Stanford certainly didn’t live up to their pre-season billing against Northwestern. Normally with this level of under performance compared to expectations in Chicago, the Cubs are involved.
–
–
Washington has announced that Cousins and not RGIII will be their starter. Sort of like the Titanic announcing a new captain taking over after hitting the iceberg?
–
Ted Cruz: “Those who are persecuting Kim Davis believe that Christians should not serve in public office. Or if Christians do serve in pubic office, they must disregard their religious faith — or be sent to jail.”
Uh, okay, since it’s (still) a free country, shall we substitute “Jewish,” “Buddhist,” “Hindu,” “Muslim” for “Christian” and then does Cruz think the same rules apply?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, billy joel, Janice Hough, Kim Davis jokes, Tebow jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
September 1, 2015
Donald Trump is now saying he’ll rename “Denali’ back to Mt. McKinley if he’s elected president. And then presumably six months later rename it Mt. Trump.
–
So if the appeal of Donald Trump is that he is amusing, not absolutely beholden to a particular party ideology and not afraid to be outspoken, why for President in 2016 can’t we draft Jon Stewart?
–
On the subject of netting at ballparks. As best as I can research, there are 30-40 foul balls hit into the stands in MLB per game. And 2430 games a year. (162 times 15.) Total about 73,000-109,000 balls a year. Bloomberg estimates 1700 injuries from foul balls a year, counting anything that needs first aid..
73,000-109,000 – that’s a lot of childhood and adult ball catching potentially dashed because people don’t pay attention….
–
So the latest uproar over Hillary’s emails is that her friend Sidney Blumenthal apparently called John Boehner, “lazy, “alcoholic,” “banal and hollow..” Would some of the GOP who are upset about this care to share what they’ve called Clinton and Obama in THEIR emails?”
–
#Youcannotmakethisstuffup item of the month: In SF, police are still searching for a cyclist who during last week’s Critical Mass smashed a Zipcar driver’s window with a metal bike lock. The suspect was wearing a shirt saying “Non-violence is our strength.”
–
The judge in Brady’s Deflategate appeal hearing ‘anticipates’ decision by end of week. “I can’t wait.” Said at this point nobody. #enoughalready
–
So have to wonder, just how low is the unemployment rate in Kentucky that they can’t find a county clerk who actually wants to do their job?
–
Matt Bevin, Kentucky’s GOP nominee for Governor, says “I absolutely support her (clerk Kim Davis) willingness to stand on her First Amendment rights” and deny gay couples marriage licenses.
So okay, what happens when some other clerk decides to deny licenses to couples where one or both parties are divorced, or too old to have children, or of different religions?
And what about those who have religious feelings against killing animals with hunting licenses?
–
The latest #youcannotmakethisstuff up: Ms. Davis has not only been married four times, she committed adultery – the proof being twins conceived out of wedlock.
–
Pope Francis is granting Catholic priests the right to forgive women who have had abortions. Waiting to see the first GOP Presidential candidate to condemn him for being ungodly.
–
Chris Christie said last night on The Tonight Show that he is going to “go nuclear” in the next Presidential debate. So let’s see, A “nuclear” Christie vs Trump. The winner? CNN with ratings.
–
Jerry Brown signed a bill today that raised the fee for filing a California ballot initiative from $200 to $2,000. The idea is to discourage using the process for making outrageous statements, like proposals for executing gays, or banning the sale of shellfish.
With all due respect, they’re going to need a higher fee..
–
From Alex Kaseberg. “Chicago Cubs’ Jake Arrieta tossed a no-hitter Sunday against the Dodgers. Best no-hitter I’ve seen since the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Chris Christie jokes, Denali jokes, Janice Hough, Kentucky jokes, Kim Davis jokes, major leqgue baseball netting, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 22, 2015
Forget armed security guards. Maybe we just need to offer free train travel at all times to off-duty U.S. military members. #Seriously
–
Well, at least Ted Cruz is consistent. He joked about Joe Biden a few days after his son Beau died, and attacked Jimmy Carter’s administration as “failed,” “feckless” and “naive” yesterday. Part of Cruz’s #noshredofhumandecencyleftbehind policy.
Wasn’t that long ago when Matt Cain threw a perfect game against Houston & some sniffed “Well, it’s only the #Astros.” Go Stros! #BeatLA
–
If Donald Trump REALLY cared about illegal immigration as opposed to just getting attention, why doesn’t he start a crackdown to find and fire undocumented workers at his hotels and construction sites? He’s as much of a hypocrite on the subject as the Duggars are about sex.
–
Donald Trump got 30,000 people to show up at a football stadium in Alabama for a speech. And they said it couldn’t be done – a whiter crowd than NASCAR.
–
A woman was taken to the hospital after being hit in the head by a foul ball yesterday at Comerica Field She is reportedly “alert and conscious.” Justin Verlander later took to Twitter to tell MLB to put up protective netting around the field “@MLB should make changes before it’s too late.”
But people get in accidents driving to the field too, and some number of them probably have heart attacks after eating ballpark food. Maybe we should just tell the fans not to come? #fanslovecatchingballs
–
Adrian Peterson tonight. “I’m the LeBron” of NFL. And James is thinking, well, I CAN beat that with a stick.
–
In Petaluma, California, police say a couple used a stolen credit card to purchase 15 $1,000 gift cards at Target. So they got away with it because $16,000 worth of gift cards would have been suspicious?
–
After the sheriff’s office posted his name as one of their most-wanted, a 21-year-old man, Logan Hale, started taunting them on Facebook with a “Finally Free” screen name, and posts like “Hello, Here I am.” and “deputies continue to look for me but are frustrated that I am unable to be located.”
–
Apparently Hale should have spent less time posting and more time hiding. They caught him after less than a week. And you guessed it, Florida.
–
A high school football game in South Bend was called with 2.54 remaining in the first half following a brawl which required police intervention. So do all these kids aspire to play for the Fighting Irish?
–
So no one lives forever, but isn’t it lovely to think that Jimmy Carter has a chance of outliving the guinea worm. #bestexpresidentever
(a link for the uninitiated – http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3207538/Jimmy-Carter-wants-Guinea-worm-disease-eradicated-death.html)
–
‘From T.C. Jameis Winston says he has a photographic memory: “Guess it ran out of film the day the QB forgot to pay for his crab legs and was arrested for shoplifting.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, baseball jokes, Janice Hough, Ted Cruz jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
July 28, 2015
So why would an intelligent man destroy a cell phone when it absolutely would make him look guilty? If the messages destroyed would make him look worse. #TomBrady
–
But really, don’t we all want to destroy our phones when we get a new one? Because it’s so much fun re entering all those apps, contact information, bookmarks…
–
The “Bachelorette” is finally over. But after weeks of guilty fun watching a couple dozen crazy contestants whittled down to a winner, for a relationship not even based in reality, well, Americans still have the GOP primary.
–
Donald Trump is now saying he’d “love” to have Sarah Palin have some sort of position in his administration. That’s bold. Trump isn’t afraid Palin would take a shot at that furry thing that lives on his head?”
–
LaTroy Hawkins, 42, has been sent to Toronto along with Troy Tulowitzki. Bit of a waste. Hawkins gets to Canada and universal healthcare just before he becomes eligible for Medicare.
–
So Drew Storen has a 1.73 ERA and 29 saves out of 31 chances. And the Washington Nationals decide to bolster their playoff chances by adding… a temperamental closer (Papelbon). Same brilliant logic that had the team shut down Strasburg a few years back.
–
The Mets’ Jenrry Mejia, is now suspended 162 games for his 2nd failed PED test. Once you might think you’re invulnerable. The second time? Proves again that MLB drug testing is also an IQ test. #cantfixstupid
Boston claimed Jean Machi off waivers Tuesday. Are the Red Sox trying to bolster their struggling bullpen? Or just to pick up a former Giant with experience reducing the amount of food available to Pablo Sandoval at the training table?
–
So the hunter who illegally shot Cecil, Zimbabwe’s most famous, and protected. lion, is an American dentist who was put on probation in 2008 for lying about the location where he shot and killed a bear, and who regularly travels the world to shoot big cats, elk, bears, rhinos etc, with a bow and arrow instead of a gun. Why stop there? A real man would face one of these animals with no weapons at all.
–
Good. The AP reports “According to Zimbabwe police spokeswoman Charity Charamba, (Minnesota dentist) Walter Palmer will face charges of poaching. It is alleged that Palmer worked with the guides to lure Cecil from the national park to an unprotected area by strapping a “dead animal to their vehicle.” #justiceforCecil
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Bachelorette jokes, baseball jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, Red Sox jokes, Tom Brady jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 16, 2015
President Obama will be in New York City Friday night, and the FAA has issued a no fly zone over Manhattan. Which won’t affect commercial flights, but will force wealthy folks heading to the Hamptons to take ground transportation instead of private helicopters. “I feel so sorry for them,” said no one in 99.9% of the population.
–
Interesting, all the talk about Caitlyn Jenner. But if we’re talking LGBT acceptance, the U.S. women’s soccer team has both gay and straight players, and it doesn’t seem to affect their chemistry OR performance.
–
Apparently this season has seen a big increase in the number of NL managers who are batting their pitcher 8th in the lineup. The SF Giants’ Madison Bumgarner is not pleased with this trend. He thinks he should bat at least 6th.
–
Here’s a serious idea for a change. Let’s change the MLB trade deadline to during the All-Star break. Would make it easier for players to get to their new teams. And would give sports fans something more interesting to follow during the break than NBA summer league scores.
Mark Cuban is now proposing that the NBA playoffs be expanded to 10 teams per conference. Right, so teams like the Indiana Pacers would be spared the heartache of just missing the playoffs with a 38-44 record.
Josh Smith has left the Rockets for the Clippers, signing for $1.5 million, the veteran minimum, and reportedly told a source he chose “winning over money?” So Smith is bad at history, statistics AND math?
–
The Tennessee Highway Safety Office is pulling the “100 Days of Summer Heat Booze It and Lose It Campaign” which was intended to keep young men from drinking too much, with had posters and coasters with messages like this
“After a few drinks the girls look hotter and the music sounds better. Just remember: If your judgment is impaired, so is your driving.”
“Buy a drink for a marginally good looking girl only to find out she’s chatty, clingy and your boss’s daughter. If this sounds like something you would do, your judgment is impaired and so is your driving.”
The only question. Who thought this was a good idea in the first place?
–
New Jersey is considering a lottery, open only to state college students and alumni, where the winner would get all their student loan debt paid off. Great, so if they don’t know enough already, students can go further into debt buying lottery tickets.
–
As we approach the 2nd half of the MLB season, Vegas has updated their odds for this years World Series winner- with the favorites being the Royals, Cardinals, Nationals and Dodgers. The Phillies are last 5000-1.
Note to anything thinking of betting on the Phillies. try something with better odds. Like buying a Powerball lottery ticket.
–
But really, a 5,000 to 1 bet on the Phillies now to win the World Series? Or for that matter 250 to 1 on the Brewers, or even 50-1 on the Red Sox? In all of these and more case, when they’re saying “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” clearly they’re talking about your money.
Apparently Vegas sports books are quite worried about the Royals and Astros, as they stand to pay out big bucks if either team, lightly regarded in the preseason, wins the World Series. But on the other hand, MGM properties report 4,000 bets placed on the Cubs, more than double that on any other team. #youlosesomeyouwinsome
–
TLC has officially cancelled “19 kids and counting.” Anybody here actually watch the show in the first place?
From T.C. Russell Wilson’s new sweetie, Ciara, sang the anthem at All Star game. It was suggested that he could hand off the microphone to her.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #Caitlyn Jenner jokes, baseball jokes, betting jokes, Cubs jokes, Duggars jokes, Janice Hough, jersey jokes, NBA jokes, trade deadline jokes, Vegas jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
July 15, 2015
Alabama coach Nick Saban, whose Crimson Tide lost to OSU in the college football playoffs, says his “team chemistry from the SEC Championship Game to the playoff was affected by something.” And Saban thinks it was the approaching deadline to declare for the NFL draft. Well, it sure wasn’t their studies.
–
The reviews are in, and apparently Amazon’s #PrimeDay is a #Subprimeday.
–
This trend is not in keeping with the God-like nature and dignity of cats. But, okay, it’s funny. #trumpyourcat
–
Donald Trump was bragging today that he is worth $10 billion. That must give such a warm fuzzy feeling to creditors of his four companies that have declared bankruptcy.
–
A Republican congressman from Florida is positing Trump’s candidacy is really a Democratic plot. Not likely. As if anyone thinks the Democratic party is that organized.
–
The IRS reported the hold time for customers trying to reach customer service reps between Jan 1-April 18, 2015 was 23 minutes, and that only 37% of taxpayers who called actually got through. Wow Are they trying to run a government agency or an airline?
–
Florida sure seems determined to win the internet this week. From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg: “A Florida man was arrested for having sex with bound and gagged alligator. He’s writing a book about it called: “50 Shades of Everglades.”
Dr. Steven Hotze, president of Conservative Republicans of Texas says that gay marriage is to “celebrate those that participate in anal sex.” And they will teach it to kids in schools. Kids will be encouraged to practice sodomy in kindergarten.”
So Hotze thinks that previously kids have been encouraged to practice vaginal sex in kindergarten?
–
Nothing against Caitlyn Jenner. Absolutely respect her decision, and she made a very good speech. But the Arthur Ashe award on the ESPYs should have gone to Lauren Hill. Period.
–
Not that anyone saves a prime space in their trophy room for an ESPY. But okay, Madison Bumgarner loses “Best Championship Performance” not to American Pharoah, but to LeBron James, who DIDN’T WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP. I call bullsh*t. Irrelevant bullsh*t, but bullsh*t nonetheless.
(and then they give best male athlete to Steph Curry. Not a bad choice. But so Lebron beats Madbum but doesn’t even win the best basketball player of the year…? #anythingbuthonoringabaseballplayerwhoisntDerekJeter
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #Caitlyn Jenner jokes, Amazon jokes, amazon prime jokes, baseball jokes, ESPY jokes, ESPYS jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 15, 2015
All those Los Angeles fans who were originally claiming that Clayton Kershaw wasn’t on the NL All Star team. Who knew, most of them were Angels fans with delusions of World Series /home field advantage grandeur?
–
Now there’s no Major League Baseball for two more days. So the whole country gets to see what it’s like to be Phillies fans.
–
Tiger Woods, rejecting retirement rumors at a news confererence at St. Andrews: “I know some of you guys think I’m buried and done, but I’m still right here in front of you.” Well, through Friday anyhow.
After Brittney Griner filed for annulment 28 days after their marriage, fellow WNBA player and soon to be ex-wife Glory Johnson is now asking for $20,000 a month in spousal support.
So yeah, who’s to say gay marriages aren’t equal to “straight” marriages? #messy
–
There were fortunately no injuries when a British woman crashed her car into the back of a van while, as the Daily Mail put it, “pleasuring herself with a vibrator.” Hmm, seems like maybe there’s a potential extra-cost option to be added to those self-driving cars.
–
Another rant: After the tragic murder of a young woman in SF, GOP House members are blasting the Obama administration. And they are working on legislation to prevent detained illegal immigrants with criminal records from being released in future.
Okay, fine. Now, while they’re at it, Kathryn Steinle was shot with a gun that had been stolen from a Federal agent earlier in the week. How about legislation to require tracking devices in guns similar to cellphones, which would also prevent murders from happening.
–
Scott Walker – “The left claims that they’re for American workers and they’ve just got just really lame ideas — things like the minimum wage.”
Well, yeah, if Americans would just start out for say, $1 an hour, there’d be no problem with unemployment or off-shoring jobs….
–
How bad does it have to be with Bill Cosby when his wife Camille is DEFENDING him by saying his alleged victims “consented” to taking drugs and having sex with him.
The Oklahoma GOP posted this on their FB page Tuesday..
“The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing this year the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps ever, to 46 million people.
Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Department of the Interior, asks us “Please Do Not Feed the Animals.” Their stated reason for the policy is because “The animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves.”
Thus ends today’s lesson in irony ?#OKGOP”
Wednesday the post was taken down. Thus ends today’s lesson in thinking before you post on social media. #cantfixmean #cantfixstupid
–
And back to the sport rants.
An Oakland As season ticket holder has filed a class-action lawsuit to force Major League Baseball to extend the safety netting at its ballparks the entire length of the foul lines, saying there are 1,750 injuries a year now at games.
Okay, 162 times 15 (30 teams playing each other) is 2,430 games. Plus an large number of playoff games. So less than an injury a game. But how many fans now enjoy getting foul balls at games? How many of those injuries are serious? How many involve cellphones? And last but not least, how much do the fan’s lawyers hope to make out of this?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, baseball jokes, cosby jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 13, 2015
Congrats to Todd Frazier, who defeated Joc Pederson 14-13 to win the All-Star Home Run Derby. MLB next year may shoot for even higher totals. So instead of players inviting friends and relatives to throw potential home run balls to them, the league may give the job to the Red Sox pitching staff.
–
There were actually worries that severe thunderstorms might have rained tonight out. So maybe even God was thinking He/She was getting a bit tired of the Home Run Derby.
–
Even Gregg Popovich is impressed with this exchange between a FoxSports reporter and Zack Greinke.
“Matt Vasgergian: “Zack, you want to say a few words?”
Zack Greinke: “No.”
–
Some SF Giants fans are unhappy that Bruce Bochy is starting Zack Greinke over Madison Bumgarner in the All-Star Game. But really, Greinke IS having a better year. Must have helped to have had most of last October off.
–
All-Star Game starting pitchers, the Dodgers’ Zack Greinke and the Astros’ Dallas Keuchel. Top two questions from casual baseball fans: 1. Aren’t the Astros in the NL? and 2. Dallas who?
–
Open note to Bruce Bochy. If the All-Star game is down to the bottom of the ninth and the NL is behind, save one of those Pirate players to pinch hit. #backtobackextrainningwalkoffs
–
What’s a bigger sign of the apocalypse? That the AL All-Star game has no starters from either the Yankees or the Red Sox? Or that the Cubs are over .500 at the All-Star break?
(thanks to Neal for the idea that got the above started.)
–
Not only did Mexican drug lord El Chapo escape, he did so via a lighted and ventilated tunnel, over a mile long, which he somehow had built while inside a maximum security prison. It’s a shame this guy is such a bad dude, Caltrans could use him to oversee some of their building projects.
FSU president John E. Thrasher met with the Semnoles’ football team today, and apparently gave them a lecture to remind them that playing for Florida State is a “privilege, not a right.”
Seems like three words would have done it. “Don’t get arrested.”
–
This week is the SEC media days for football. Over 1,200 (not a typo) members of the media requested credentials. And some people really wonder why these players have trouble with the student-athlete concept….
–
Fortunately there were no injuries when a 19 year-old-old crashed his car in Atherton, California Saturday night, totaling the car and wiping out fences and shubbery. He was allegedly drunk. The car was a 2014 Tesla. Another possible affluenza defense?
–
Scott Walker officially announced he was running for President. Thereby surprising most people who figured he was already running for President.
–
Joys of the modern age. When you need to change a password. And it’s got to be complicated with different cases, punctuation marks and numbers. And while you’re typing that new password it has to be encrypted so you can’t see what you’re typing.
THEN it asks you to confirm the new password. And says the confirmation doesn’t match, please correct. Except you have no idea if the error was in the first or the second typing because of the encryption. Okay I am done now. #therehastobeaneasierway
–
Now it’s Marco Rubio reporting his fundraising – $12 million in the last 3 months. You know, if you’re someone who makes GOP commercials and campaign material, and you’re still unemployed at this point, you just might want to find another line of work.
–
From T.C. “Russell Wilson’s new sweetie is singing the anthem at All Star game tomorrow. Wonder if he’ll show up to hand her the microphone.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, Allstar jokes, baseball jokes, Bochy jokes, Cincinnati jokes, Dodgers jokes, El Chapo jokes, home run derby jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 