Author Archive
December 18, 2014
Chicago Bears safety Chris Conte said he ‘would rather have the experience of playing and, who knows, die 10, 15 years earlier than not be able to play in the NFL and live a long life.” Many fans who watched MNF this week hope the Bears grant Conte’s wish and trade him to an NFL team.
Of course in this country you are innocent until proven guilty. But Ray McDonald, released by the SF 49ers this morning, may be this year’s NFL winner of the “Worst handing of a second chance” award.
–
The Orioles’ Chris Davis, suspended last year for 25 games for Adderall, now has a prescription for the drug. According to the Baltimore Sun, 112 exemptions were issued for ADHD in 2014. Out of 750 MLB players. And the percentage of US adults with ADHD? About 4%. #nocomment
–
The USA & Cuba have apparently agreed to re-establish diplomatic relations. While tourist travel will still be limited to “educational activities,” government and family trips, Americans will be allowed to return with up to $400 of goods from Cuba. Many Cuban-Americans are upset. Many other Americans are wondering where they can buy cigars.
–
So will the first American ambassador to #Cuba be Arnold Schwarzenegger? Or Bill Clinton?
Well, that didn’t take long. Marco Rubio is already attacking President Obama’s decision to start normalizing relations with Cuba: “It’s absurd and it’s part of a long record of coddling dictators and tyrants that this administration has established” Surprised Rubio didn’t follow that with “and if I’m elected President, I promise to only coddle leaders in places like Saudi Arabia.”
–
Well, at least #HunterPence won’t be the only character left in the #SFGiants clubhouse next year. #SergioRomo has re-signed with the team.
–
Romo’s contract is for 2 years, $15 million. Which means the #SFGiants are still paying him less in 2015 than the #Dodgers are paying #BrianWilson
Really? Prince William is taking a bit of heat in the British press for saying to a young hairdressing trainee that maybe she “could help out with Kate’s hair, because it’s such a nightmare.” Uh, what woman doesn’t think her hair is a nightmare?
–
The University of Michigan has offered Jim Harbaugh a 6 year $48 million contract to be their football coach. So given Harbaugh’s record both of success and getting along with people, this should work out to about $12-16 million a year.
Sources have told the U.S. that North Korea hacked SONY. Shocking. Who knew North Korea was actually capable of hacking anybody?
Okay, I know I’m cynical… but have to wonder. Is “The Interview” movie bad enough that cancelling its premiere weekend just saves Sony the embarrassment of a flop. (And stimulates enough curiosity for later viewings and DVD sales?)
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Bears jokes, Cuba jokes, Harbaugh jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, North Korea jokes, PED jokes, SFGiants jokes. baseball jokes, Sony jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
December 16, 2014
Jeb Bush says he is “actively exploring” a presidential bid after talking with his family over Thanksgiving. So is he serious about running, or just trying to prove he can use bigger words than his brother?
–
A source says Sen. Marco Rubio will run for President in 2016, even if Jeb Bush also runs. Two candidates from Florida in one national election. Even Jewish late-night talk show hosts are thinking “Thank you, Jesus.”
–
Some stories almost don’t need a punchline, but… NY Jets CB Josh Thomas tweeted that his playbook has been stolen. 1. The Jets HAVE a playbook? 2. The thief when caught will be tested for insanity.
–
The Chargers decided they will not relocate in 2015. In a statement “The team will not be exercising the lease termination clause and will keep working to find a publicly acceptable way to build a Super Bowl-quality stadium in San Diego.” Of course, what fans really want is a Super Bowl-quality TEAM in San Diego.
–
Meanwhile, once again, rumors are that Sunday could be the Raiders last game in Oakland. And many fans are thinking “Promise?”
–
A new poll by Men’s and Women’s Health found that only 37% of men and 48% of women think it’s cheating to have a Tinder account. So your chance of accidentally finding your significant other also online are better than you think.
–
It is wrong to take pleasure in the suffering of others. Nonetheless, this one’s for my fellow #SFGiants fans: The LA #Dodgers DFA Brian Wilson, and will eat his $9.5 million contract.
–
Jay Gruden has been told he will return as Washington’s coach next year. Translation, Dan Snyder can’t find anyone else to take over that mess.
–
The newest Heisman winner appeared on David Letterman last night and read “Top 10 thoughts that went through Marcus Mariota’s mind when he won the Heisman Trophy.” You can tell the Oregon QB is from the Pac 12. He can count to 10.
–
Yankees GM Brian Cashman, lowering expectations for A-Rod during an interview today “I can’t expect Alex to be anything.” Oh, I don’t know. A magnet for tabloid headlines seems a pretty sure bet.
–
In New Jersey, three elementary school teachers have been suspended and will probably be fired for having what they thought was a private email chat where they referred to their “moron” special needs students. Seems like the real morons here are any adults, not only for their insensitivity, but for thinking that in this day and age any emails are truly private.
–
Larry J. Cano, 90, has died,He founded El Torito restaurant, the first big U.S. Mexican food chain. In his honor, millions of Americans will toast with a sugary slushy margarita that few people in Mexico would recognize..
–
#whythereisnosatire Ted Cruz apologized today to other GOP Senators for keeping them in D.C. last Saturday: “The senator acknowledged that a number of his colleagues had to unexpectedly change their weekend plans, and he apologized to them for inconveniencing their personal schedules,”
Ah, shutting down the government and, causing all kinds of people not to be paid, that’s not a problem, but “inconveniencing personal schedules” of mostly millionaires, that Cruz feels bad about. ….
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, Bush jokes, Chargers jokes, Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, NY Jets jokes, Raiders jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Tinder jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
December 16, 2014
Not exactly. Barbara Walters named Amal Alamuddin Clooney, the “Most Fascinating Person of 2014,” because marrying George Clooney was “one of the greatest achievements in human history.” #facepalm
–
Credit where credit is due. So far NJ Gov. Chris Christie, who was spotted last night in owner Jerry Jones’ luxury box, refuses to renounce his love for the Dallas Cowboys, saying he would never change his team loyalties to score political points. Besides, if Christie starting rooting for the Giants or Jets this year Americans would seriously question his sanity.
–
#JohnnyManziel said Sunday was “a little bit of an off day.” In related news, the #Cubs have had a little bit of an off century.
–
The movie “Titanic” is leaving Netflix in 2015. This news will disappoint millions of women and about two men.
New Orleans Saints – 6-8, 1st in NFC South. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Saints fan and I love Drew Brees. But normally this level of mediocrity is only rewarded by re-election.
–
Northern California is getting enough rain that now some people who have been claiming they don’t have nice lawns because of the drought will now have to admit they don’t have lawns because they are lazy.
–
Happiest non-Saints fans tonight are Detroit fans, as Lions play the Bears next week and need a win to make playoffs #MNF #NOvsCHI #Saints
–
The NFL admitted they made a mistake calling SF LB Nick Moody for a roughing-the-passer penalty in the 49ers 17-7 loss yesterday.. And the Seahawks then scored a TD instead of settling for a FG. Which is some validation, although the final score then would have been 13-7.
–
From T.C. “After almost 8,000 no shows at Soldier Field, and another brutal performance tonight, the Chicago Bears will announce Jon Lester as their starting QB in week 16.”
–
–
So the SF Giants “lost” Chase Headley to the NY Yankees, 4 years, $52 million. But the guy’s stats last year? He hit .243 with 13 home runs and 49 RBIs. We aren’t exactly talking Brooks Robinson here.
–
Apparently a British TV crew discovered a “magic” mushroom in the Buckingham Palace gardens. Hmm, maybe now we know how the Queen can smile and waive all the time.
–
A new Gallup Poll said Congress’s job-approval rating this year averaged 15%. Wow. Anyone know someone in that 15%?
–
Now ABC News is reporting that in a taped phone conversation, an NFL executive promised Adrian Peterson a two-game suspension instead of the indefinite ban he was given. Give the league credit, whatever bad stuff happens, the NFL itself still often manages to come off worse than the suspended players.
–
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Barbara Walters jokes, Bears jokes, Congress jokes, Janice Hough, NFC South jokes, NFL jokes, Saints jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
December 15, 2014
Former VP Dick Cheney said of what he considers “enhanced interrogation” that “I would do it again in a minute.” Sometimes you get the sense the man is still alive because neither God nor the Devil want him.
–
The Sacramento Kings have fired coach Mike Malone after an 11-13 start. And the NY Knicks are wondering if they fired him for overachieving.
–
Is it too late for all those who voted against #AndrewLuck twice for the #Heisman to change their votes?
–
Compared to other #Heisman winners RG3 and now #Manziel, #Tebow looked pretty good in #NFL
–
All these pictures and videos of Johnny Manziel’s horrible starting debut for the Browns. Picture I really wanted to see was of Brian Hoyer on the sideline trying oh so hard not to smile.
–
Meanwhile in the Washington-NY Giants matchup, the Redskins’ Santana Moss lost his temper with the refs, and was ejected during the first half. Making him luckier than his teammates, who had to stay for the entire game.
–
ESPN’s Jim Bowden gives the Chicago Cubs an A+ for their offseason moves. So they can add another offseason trophy to their collection at Wrigley Field.
–
Lots of sniping about Ted Cruz’s threatened govt shutdown, like this “You should have an end goal in sight if you’re going to do these types of things and I don’t see an end goal other than irritating a lot of people,” And that was from Orrin Hatch. #thiscouldbefun
Seriously, the Australia hostage situation just sucks. But a chocolate store? What kind of monster does something evil in a nice chocolate store? Clearly not a woman.
–
The now 3-11 NY Jets beat the now 2-12 Tennessee Titans in a battle and get a worse draft pick out of it. And if you really cared about the game and aren’t from New York or Nashville you are probably in need of a life.
–
Who figured this a month ago? Stanford has a postseason game and the SF 49ers don’t.
–
#Stayclassy. Uber is now in Australia, and they responded to the hostage crisis – with surge pricing in the area of AUS $100 minimum (US$82), quadruple the normal rate.
–
Update, an hour after original post: So now apparently Uber has decided there IS such a thing as bad publicity, and is offering people stuck in the area free rides out….. #Oops
–
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cheney jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Uber jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
December 14, 2014
Many think Prince Charles should have just married Camilla in the beginning, and saved himself and others much grief. On the other hand, his otherwise disastrous marriage to Diana does appear to have improved the gene pool. (And the look of the future British currency and stamps.)
–
Bryce Harper didn’t show up today at the NatsFest fan festival, apparently because of a grievance over a dispute over the Nationals star wanting to opt-out in 2015, the last year of the 5-yr $9.9 million contract he signed as a rookie. Harper, who is represented by Scott Boras, said he was “was unable to attend this year’s event due to matters out of my control.” Uh, that’s a clown statement, bro.
On Saturday night, the Senate approved a $1.1 trillion spending bill and sent it to the President for his signature. Because heaven forbid differences large and small should stand in the way of what’s really important – getting Congress home for their Christmas vacations.
–
#Whythereisnosatire. Ted Cruz wants to shut down the government again over immigration and Obama’s “illegal amnesty.” And yet, this is a man who was born in Canada and whose Cuban father made it to the U.S. when “a lawyer friend of my father basically bribed a Batista official to stamp my passport with an exit permit.”
–
In New York, 10 people were indicted over selling bogus airline tickets to about 200 people, and leaving many of them stranded at airports. Really, what were they thinking? Stranding people at the airport is the airlines’ job.
–
Looks the the people who are happiest about the new “Exodus: Gods and Kings” moves may be anyone involved with either “Ishtar” or “Gigli.” #newworstmovieever?
As the unveiled Sony emails become more and more embarrassing, one good thing is no doubt Americans in future will be much more careful about what they type and post. #notachance #slowlearners
–
Will Muschamp, less than two weeks after being fired at Florida, accepted a job as defensive coordinator at Auburn, and said “I’m just a ball coach.” And Gator fans said “Don’t flatter yourselves.”
–
No serious football Saturday except the Heisman trophy presentation. Which means ESPN et al could focus on the countdown to Johnny Manziel’s start tomorrow.
.
You know it’s been a down year for the #SEC when a #Pac12 player actually wins the #Heisman
–
Pigs are flying. This quote tonight on the spending bill “Before Congress starts handing out Christmas presents to the megabanks and Wall Street…., we need to remove these risky derivatives that aren’t even necessary for normal banking purposes and would only make future taxpayer funded bailouts more likely.” Elizabeth Warren? Nope, GOP Louisiana Senator David Vitter.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Bryce Harper jokes, Congress jokes, ESPN jokes, Heisman jokes, Janice Hough, Sony jokes, Ted Cruz jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
December 13, 2014
Give this woman a medal: Thieves stealing packages off doorsteps is an increasing problem in the US. And a D.C. woman got fed up with things she had ordered for the holidays being swiped, so she filled a box with poop from her two dogs and left it on her porch. And yes, a surveillance camera shows a man taking it. Alas no camera shows him opening it.
–
What a country. Our newest tourist attraction opening December 20? “Machine Gun America.” It will feature 50 different firearms and 10 fire lanes, Open to customers who are 13 and over. And yeah, you guessed it, Florida.
–
Well, then, what’s the problem? Justice Antonin Scalia, when asked about the Citizens United decision: “the amount of money that is spent on all elections — state, local and federal — in the United States, is less than what women spend on cosmetics for a year, OK?” #sohowdowegetSupremeCourttermlimit
–
Hawaii is trying to lure the Obama Presidential Library with the offer of a location on the beach. Some Republicans are appalled, saying it would be just like President Obama to build his library in a foreign location
–
#Lakers upset #Spurs. I think I see a new marketing campaign ahead for #Charmin. #KobeBryant
–
Bears offensive coordinator Aaron Kromer apologized for being the source behind a negative story about Jay Cutler, but denied telling the NFL Network that Chicago had “buyer’s remorse” about the QB’s $126 million contract. Gosh, Kromer sounds so credible you have to wonder if he’s angling to someday be NFL commissioner.
–
Junior Kentucky forward Alex Poythress tore an ACL in practice yesterday and will miss the rest of the season. Sad and a bit shocking, Kentucky had an actual junior on its team?
–
Some media experts are conceding 2015 World Series title to #Dodgers. Guess they figure LA will be defending their predicted 2014 title?
–
Regarding those leaked emails between the Sony co-chairs, surely they are firing offenses. Not even for the racism. But for being stupid enough to say those sorts of things in written emails.
–
Oklahoma State dismissed WR Tyreek Hill from the football team following his arrest for allegedly chocking and punching his pregnant girlfriend. Hill, a junior, ranked 2nd nationally with 996 combined kick return yards. and 11th with 150.9 all-purpose yards per game. So wonder how long before he is offered a second chance with FSU or an SEC team?
–
I’m sure all the lower and middle-class voters who elected a GOP Congress this month will be heartened to see that one of the first ways they flexed their new muscles was a rider on a spending bill to lessen the regulatory burdens on our nation’s long suffering banks. #sarcasm
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bears jokes, Christmas jokes, Florida jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Sony jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
December 11, 2014
Amongst the methods of torture used by the CIA was playing the same song over and over and over. One of the songs was “I Love You” from Barney the Dinosaur. As all moms of a certain age know, whoever was responsible for that should be locked up without a key. And with that song playing.
–
As some San Francisco area roads flood, the National Weather Service is using their usual warning “Turn Around Don’t Drown.” Maybe we need to be a little more graphic with a subtitle: “Drive Through Water – Qualify for Darwin Award.”
–
Retired Wisconsin football coach Barry Alvarez, currently the school’s AD, will be coaching his second bowl game in three years after his second coach in three years left unexpectedly for another job. Have to wonder, is Alvarez’s strategy to be enough of an a**hole that his coaches leave in time for him to get these bowl games?
–
The Arizona Cardinals are 9-3, a lock for the playoffs, and now their backup QB is injured. Wonder if Cardinals GM Steve Keim has sent a one word text – “No” to Brett Favre.
–
For Dec. 20, the #NFL is advertising “Thursday Night Football – Saturday Edition.” Uh, why not just “Saturday Night Football”? #TNF
–
Oceania Cruise Lines’ ship “Insignia” had an engine room fire in St. Lucia. Passengers were disembarked and are safe, but sadly three crew members died. And shockingly, this isn’t the lead story on CNN.
–
A new study indicates sleep problems may result in an increased risk of dementia. Great, one more thing to lie awake worrying about.
–
Carmelo Anthony reportedly threatened to beat up teammate Tim Hardaway Jr. following another loss last week. Give the Knicks credit. They are giving the Jets a serious run for the title “most dysfunctional team in New York.”
–
From Alex Kaseberg: “Time” magazine names Ebola Fighter man of the year. This will mark first time the “Man of the year” award ceremony will be held on Skype.”
Well, there’s sure not going to be any congratulatory handshakes.
–
#RickPerry “Running for the presidency is not an IQ test.” Uh, I think we’ve already proved that in this country.
–
Actual serious thought about Cam Newton’s crash, where the Carolina QB has relatively minor injuries after his truck rolled a few times: As invulnerable as a lot of people, especially young men, think they are, it sure does increase your odds to wear a seat belt. (Which Cam did.)
–
Followup to the Cam Newton story, this true story from an old coworker who was a flight attendant decades ago. She had Muhammad Ali in first class in his glory days, and he was in a fine expansive mood upon boarding. When it came time to leave the gate, she told him “Sir, you need to put on your seat belt.” He looked at her and beamed “Baby, I’m Superman, Superman don’t need no seat belt.” She responded “Superman don’t need no plane. Buckle up.” Apparently he did and was an angel for the rest of the flight.
–
One of my new favorite baseball players has to be pitcher Andrew Heaney. Traded from Miami to the Dodgers, he was then immediately flipped in trade to the Angels. And promptly tweeted “Well, @Dodgers we had a good run! Great to be a part of such a storied franchise. #thanksforthememories“
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #hellastorm, #Hellastorm jokes, bowl game jokes, Cam Newton jokes, cruise jokes, Janice Hough, Knicks jokes, NFL jokes, torture jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
December 10, 2014
A storm expected to wreak havoc in California is dubbed the “Pineapple Express” , because the rain comes directly from Hawaii to the West Coast. Okay, so clearly this one we can blame on Obama.
Schools in San Francisco, Marin and Oakland are closing tomorrow in anticipation of a big rain storm. Well, this should do wonders for the West Coast’s “soft” reputation.
–
Got to love this factoid from the SF Chronicle’s John Shea about Madison Bumgarner going to New York to accept the SI “Sportsman of the Year” award: He went out and got a suit for the occasion.
–
The House and Senate are about to approve multiplying by 10 the amount of money a person can contribute to a national political party from $32,400 to $324,000, and up to $648,000 in two years. Great, because that’s a major problem in Washington D.C., not enough money in elections….
Kate and William dazzled in New York this week. I know we got our independence and all that from Britain, but just imagine getting our regular celebrity fix from them instead of the Kardashians.
–
The NFL’s new personal conduct policy says “A suspension of six games without pay for violations involving assault, sexual assault, battery, domestic violence, child abuse and other forms of family violence will be in effect, but with consideration given to mitigating or aggravating circumstances.” “Mitigating circumstances” like being a superstar on a playoff bound team or being an owner?
–
The #LADodgers have acquired #JimmyRollins in a trade to be their starting shortstop. Even Vin Scully is saying “Isn’t he a bit old?”
–
So many players and front office staff think they can break the Cubs 106 year old jinx? Female sports fans aren’t surprised – these same men probably think they can win an argument with a woman.
–
Scott Boras said he would love for the SF Giants to enter the bidding for Max Scherzer. With all due respect, is there any team Boras wouldn’t want to enter the bidding, as long as they bring plenty of $$$?
–
ESPN headline “Transcript shows inconsistencies in Goodell’s testimony on Rice matter.” I’m shocked, said absolutely positively no one.
–
From my funny friend Jim Barach “Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn says that athletes and rock stars are exploiting loopholes to avoid paying taxes. Apparently the Senator is upset that those loopholes were intended to be used only by business people who donate the money they save to their congressmen.”
–
A Harvard professor is demanding the town of Brookline intervene in his fight with a local Chinese restaurant who he claims charged him $1 too much on each of 4 items. Yes, a $4 overcharge. The restaurant said their website was out of date.) Thereby proving Kissinger right again about academics.
–
Some wonder why big-name free agents don’t want to sign with the #SFGiants after three World Series rings. One thought, a lot of stars want to be legendary heroes. On the Giants, first it’s all about team, second you have to stand in line for the hero title.
–
Rick Perry said today “People expect me to run for President.” Not sure about that. But comedy writers are praying for it.
–
Message from Stanford about the Foster Farms Bowl. ” Fans who buy tickets through Stanford Athletics will be seated in the designated Stanford section and helps support 900+ student-athletes.” Translation, we expect about 500 folks from Maryland to show up and so the bowl will probably be discounting tickets on Groupon, but please help us fill our allotment.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Congress jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, madison bumgarner jokes, NFL jokes, Prince William and Kate jokes, storm jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
December 10, 2014
Magic Johnson says he hopes the Lakers lose every game for the rest of the year so the team can get a high draft pick. “”Because if you’re going to lose, lose. I’m serious.” What a nice warm fuzzy message for this year’s season ticket holders.
–
Pitcher Jon Lester says he chose the Chicago Cubs over the SF Giants because the income tax rate in Illinois is 5%, and it’s $13.3% in California. Well, makes sense. On only $155 million over 6 years he really needs to feed his family.
(And his children’s family, and his grand-children’s family, and his great-grandchildren’s family.)
–
And of course, in Chicago, Lester won’t have to pay taxes on playoff winnings.
–
Jon Lester may be reunited with his friend Jake Peavy in Chicago. Peavy has a duck boat and cable car from his last two World Series wins, apparently if the Cubs win the World Series he and Lester both plan to buy flying pigs.
–
Meanwhile in SF, Giants fans’ attitude will be going from “wow, how cool would he look with Madbum in the rotation?” to “Just as well, it’s insane to pay any 31 year old pitcher $155 million for six years.”
–
And in Oakland, the Athletics have now traded Jeff Samardzija to the White Sox. How are the As ever going to decide on bobbleheads for 2014-15 when there’s a good chance any “name” player they have will be gone before his giveaway day?
–
Weather forecasters in the SF Bay project over 20 foot waves during a “storm of the decade” that is supposed to hit this Thursday and Friday, Suppose it would be tacky to start a pool on the number of potential Darwin Award winners.
–
A woman flying on Southwest from San Francisco to Phoenix went into labor and gave birth on the plane, which was then diverted to Los Angeles. Good thing it was Southwest, United, American and Delta would all have charged her for another seat.
–
Johnny Manziel will start at QB Sunday for Cleveland. The rookie QB may not get the team to the playoffs, but he will make the Browns a top story on Sportcenter…
–
Prince William, who is 6’3″, flew on a commercial US Airways shuttle from NY to DC Monday. He did, however, fly first class. Perhaps having told his staff, “I may be the ‘people’s prince’ but I’m not crazy.”
–
Korean Air announced that their chairman’s daughter, an executive with the airline, has resigned after ordering a senior flight attendant off the plane for serving her macadamia nuts in a bag, not on a plate. Americans are stunned by this story… an airline actually serves expensive macadamia nuts?
–
Cam Newton sustained back fractures but apparently escaped serious injury when his car was hit Tuesday in Charlotte. No word on the other driver, but certainly wasn’t a Saints player. Last week they proved they couldn’t hit anyone
–
Facebook is working on an AI digital assistant that will warn people posting “questionable” photo uploads, it would say something like “Uh, this is being posted publicly. Are you sure you want your boss and your mother to see this?” Of course, if a “friend”, relative or colleague is posting a such picture of you, this might encourage them to post more.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cubs jokes, Darwin jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Lester jokes, Southwest jokes, storm jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
December 8, 2014
The Browns may start Johnny Manziel at QB Sunday over Brian Hoyer against Cincinnati. Makes some sense. If Cleveland can’t make the playoffs, they’ll be at least more likely to make ESPN headlines.
William and Kate are on their first visit to New York City. Wonder if the Prince at some point has leaned over to his wife and whispered “Thank God this all isn’t our problem anymore.”
–
Damn. Apparently a security guard was shot and seriously wounded during an post-game argument between 49ers and Raiders fans outside a San Jose bar. Well, it’s a good thing for public safety neither team’s fans will have anything to argue about during the playoffs.
–
Well, all he did was basically show you can win a World Series with one starting pitcher. Even if he didn’t get a hit himself. Congrats Madison Bumgarner, Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year.
–
At time of posting, reportedly Jon Lester is deciding between offers from the Chicago Cubs and the SF Giants. Wonder if the Giants would do something dastardly, like sending Lester videos of games when the wind is blowing out at Wrigley Field?
34 years ago tonight was really the day “the music died”, as John Lennon was fatally shot in New York. Harder to believe for many of us, people who were born after Lennon’s murder, are old enough to have children who know the Beatles music. #Timeswingedchariot
–
After Oakland’s upset 23-14 win over SF, Raiders LB Sio Moore took to Instagram to refer to Colin Kaepernick as a “Freakin chump.” Not a huge Kap fan, but maybe Moore should be a little more restrained with his trash talking, considering his team is still 2-11.
–
Not that I’m generally a soccer fan, but congratulations to the LA Galaxy on winning the MLS Cup. Guess having Robbie Rogers, who is openly gay, on the team, didn’t hurt the locker room too much.
A massive fire in a residential complex under construction basically shut down the 101 and 110 in Los Angeles Monday morning. So for commuters on those freeways it was basically a Monday commute as usual.
–
Ralph Baer,,92, who invented the world’s first video game console, has died. In his honor, mourners at his funeral will spend the entire service playing on their smartphones.
–
Baylor coach Art Briles is complaining about no Big 12 team in the College Football Playoff. And five power conferences, four playoff teams was always going to be a problem. But just maybe the Bears might want to up their non-conference schedule from Buffalo, SMU and Northwestern State. (The NY Jets might be available.)
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, college football jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, playoff jokes, Raiders jokes, William and Kate jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
December 7, 2014
So the answer to ‘Who’s got it better than us?” is now “Even the Raiders?” #SFvsOAK
Bright spot Sunday for Jim Harbaugh. He had to like the looks of the team he’ll probably be coaching next year. #SFvsOAK
–
After Sunday’s shut out loss, finally an appropriate new name for D.C.s #NFL team – the Washington Trainwrecks. #Redskins
–
TCU beat Iowa State 55-3, and fell out of the College Football Playoffs. A joint crying-towel party will no doubt be arranged for Horned Frogs fans along with fans of whichever NFL team has to go on the road to face the eventual winner of the NFL South.
–
Another game with last-minute heroics from Andrew Luck. Although it’s not impossible to stop him from winning a game late – just ask David Shaw. (Fiesta Bowl, 2012. No, Stanford fans aren’t bitter….)
–
LeBron James, on his Cavs playing tonight in front of Prince William and Kate. “The stuff that you read about, people like them are only in books growing up. And to hear that they’re coming to town to see me play and they want to see me do what I do best, it’s a huge honor.” Shocking statement to many – NBA players read books growing up?
–
–
The supposed reason the BCS has a four-team playoff instead of eight is that extending the season would interfere with studies. Yes, and they said this with a straight face.
–
The Times (UK) will apparently publish a full report Friday of a passenger plane in July nearly being hit by a drone at Heathrow airport. In Europe, this might lead to restrictions on buying drones in shops. In the U.S. airlines may use it to institute a “drone-avoidance” fee.
A Las Vegas officer fatally shot a robbery suspect Sunday morning inside the Rio Hotel and Casino after he allegedly didn’t comply with their commands and reached for his waist. In good news for police around the country, the suspect had a gun and was white.
–
Defeated Louisiana senator Mary Landrieu, in her concession speech, said she didn’t regret her vote for Obamacare, which the GOP attacked her on. “This is something to be proud of, and I’m glad we fought for it.” Maybe if Landrieu had been defending her votes and her President all along, the outcome might have been different.
–
With all the controversy about the ACA – aka Obamacare – many Americans lose sight of the fact that before this bill, most Presidents since Truman had tried and failed to enact healthcare legislation. And the GOP sure didn’t have an alternative. #sourgrape
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, BCS jokes, Colllege Football playoff jokes, Janice Hough, Raiders jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
December 7, 2014
The BCS thought the new College Football Playoff would make things more clear. And what it’s made most clear – they need at least an eight-team playoff.
The Golden State Warriors have started December with a bang, following a great October-November. The question now, how will they do during NBA playoffs crunch time – next June. #andtheysaythebaseballseasonislong
–
Thousands attended a memorial for former D.C. mayor Marion Barry. Of course the real prized invitation had to be the after-pary.
–
Now that we’ve made it through Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday, Giving Tuesday, and various extensions of all of the above, who’s going to be the first with an Early Bird After Christmas sale?
–
In Virginia, a high-school team football team thought they had won the 4A South Region title when they were leading 14-12 with 14 seconds left, and blocked their opponent’s field goal. Except that they started celebrating and, didn’t realize the ball was still live.
So the kicker picked it up, and walked in for a game-winning TD. Who says education isn’t important? At least as far as reading the rule book.
–
Okay, who thought the New Jersey Institute of Technology men’s basketball team would upset #17 Michigan. Okay, who knew NJIT HAD a men’s basketball team?
–
In the same vein – Yale hit a 3-point shot with less than 2 seconds remaining to upset national champion UConn tonight. Many college basketball fans were shocked: “Yale plays basketball?”
–
Kendra Wilkinson said on a British reality TV show “I earned $500,000 in six months as a stripper.” Right, and I’m sure she reported it all to the IRS. Good thing they don’t read the papers.
–
Arizona benched both their starting and backup QBs for being ineffectual in their 13-51 loss to Oregon Friday night, finishing with a third. Who do they think they are? The #NYJets?
–
-The US economy added 321,000 jobs last month and had the biggest gain in average hourly earnings since 2013. Yeah, I can see why all those Democrats wanted to repudiate Obama. #sarcasm
Categories: Uncategorized
Comments: 2 Comments
December 5, 2014
NPR is reporting that due to intelligence about a possible planned terrorist attack on a passenger plane to Europe around Christmas, airlines are considering banning carry-on luggage on such flights. Of course, even if they determine the threat isn’t serious, airlines could do that anyway to get more checked baggage fees.
–
A Nebraska Cornhuskers football player tried to take a selfie with a raccoon, which then bit him. So he killed the animal to have it tested for rabies. Shame he hadn’t tried a selfie with a bear. Would be one more live animal and one more Darwin winner.
–
Ah technology. Since negotiations between Dish Network and CBS broke down, Dish subscribers abruptly were blacked out from all CBS programming, including non-cable shows. No doubt setting off an “Amazing Race” to the phones to complain to customer service.
–
Rumors have it that #TimTebow is now “dating” one of the #Duggars (19 kids and counting) daughters. Which means the former NFL QB still isn’t scoring.
–
Nationals OF Jayson Werth was found guilty of reckless driving and sentenced to 10 days in jail for driving 105 mph on the Capital Beltway. Washingtonians are stunned, when can you find space to get up to 105 mph on the Beltway?
–
Sounds like last night’s show should have been titled #PeterPanDead #PeterPanLive
–
The Columbia Lions have lost 21 straight football games. Today coach Pete Mangurian, who has been accused both of being abusive and of ignoring head injuries by 25 of his players, has resigned. Wonder if he was forced out for the alleged abuse, or for losing 21 straight games?
On Friday, Starbucks is opening their first “Reserve Roastery and Tasting Room” in Seattle, a 15,000 sq ft showplace where customers can watch “Reserve” beans being roasted, take classes, and of course, purchase premium beans, food and drinks. Translation, the perfect place for those who don’t think they are overpaying enough already for coffee.
Headline “FSU loses RB Williams for ACC title game.” Apparently he hasn’t been cleared after a concussion last week. Well, we knew it wasn’t academics or off-field antics. Then Williams would have been suspended for something like the first series of downs.
–
A back to back item from Canadian comic Torben Rolfsen and Bill Littlejohn,, on Mickey Rourke, 62, making a pro boxing comeback in Russia by beating an opponent 33 years his junior:
Rolfsen “Don’t the San Antonio Spurs do that every week?” Littlejohn “I heard Mickey’s prize move was the Ali Shuffleboard.”
–
Let the fun begin, (for SFGiants fans) the Los Angeles Times reported that Andre Ethier told the Dodgers he wanted to play every day in the outbound, and not go back to a 5-6 man rotation. But Either said this wasn’t a “play-me-or-trade-me ultimatum.” Sounds like same circus, same monkeys.
Commie pinko time:
Two SF police officers were convicted today of several felony counts each of stealing from criminal suspects. They had been charged with taking thousands of dollars found in searches of drug dealers. Of course, had they just shot the suspects….
–
Yet more accusers coming forward about Bill Cosby. Although apparently these allegations have been around for quite a while. But it took a bit by a young black male comedian, Hannibal Burress, to really break the story. So maybe what we’re talking here isn’t so much racism, as sexism.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Duggars jokes, football jokes, FSU jokes, Janice Hough, Starbucks jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
December 5, 2014
George W.s’ daughter Jenna Bush Hager said in response to a question about her possibly fooling around in the White House: “You know maybe there was a little hanky-panky. There was like maybe a kiss on the roof.” Just guessing there won’t be any congressional aides telling Jenna to “show a little class.”
–
ESPN headline “Tiger 11 behind leader Spieth.” 11 behind doesn’t sound great. But guess it’s better than saying it another way, that Tiger Woods is last in an 18 man field.
Eagles coach Chip Kelly, dismissing rumors he might jump back to the NCAA. “I don’t think our pro offense would work at the college level.”. So how much did his Oregon Ducks get paid anyway?
–
A baby was born in Colorado that weighed 13 lbs, 13 oz. LSU coach Les Miles was about to offer the kid a scholarship until he learned it was a girl.
–
It’s been reported that Warren Buffett donated $25,000 to Ready for Hillary, a Super PAC supporting Clinton for President. With all due respect, isn’t that about Buffet’s average income from a single one of his accounts for 15 seconds?
–
–
Rand Paul is blaming Eric Garner’s death on the high NYC cigarette tax, because he says it’s driven cigarettes underground and “put our police in a dangerous situation with bad laws.” By that token how many deaths is he going to blame on drug and prostitution laws?
Ryan Leaf has just been released from a Montana prison after two years. Over-under on how long it takes him to get a call from the #NYJets?
The Washington Post is reporting that coach Jay Gruden is “done” with RG3. Still another option for the #NYJets?
–
UAB – (University of Alabama – Birmingham), is eliminating football. Because we all know the state of Alabama doesn’t have enough money to waste on the sport….
–
The Florida Gators have hired Jim McElwain from Colorado State with a reported 6 year contract. The deal includes a $7.5 million buyout, and $2 million for a future game that CSU will play in Gainesville. Given Gator fans’ expectations let’s hope McElwain is around long enough for that game.
–
Rumor has it that the #SFGiants are interested again in Melky Cabrera. So guess they’re done crying over spilled melk?
So Anna Duggar, 26, “reality show star”, is pregnant with her fourth child in 6 years of marriage and it is “trending.” This is news because the young woman herself is famous for no other reason than that she married into a family with 19 children…. #Beammeupscottythereisnointelligentlifeonthisplanet
–
From T.C. – one for my male readers – “Pizza Hut is testing digital technology with an app that can predict what you will order by scanning where your eyes are looking at when you analyze their ‘electronic tablet menu’. Of course, it would always conclude that I want the waitress with the biggest boobs.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bush jokes, Duggar jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, NY Jets jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
December 4, 2014
100 brains were missing from the University of Texas. Does this even need a punchline?
The Philadelphia 76ers actually won a game tonight, making them 1-17. If they keep improving, the team might have a chance of being favored against Kentucky.
–
A Hawaii football announcer has apologized for referring to Fresno as the “armpit of America.” As well he should have. Everyone knows that’s New Jersey.
–
#Stayclassy Sarah Palin posted a picture on her FB page this weekend of President Obama captioned “I am signing a new executive order replacing the world ‘looting’ with ‘undocumented shopping.'”
Of course, Palin believes rioting should be confined to important things, like her family attending birthday parties.
–
UAB says they are shutting down their football program for “the greater good.” And Raiders fans are thinking “You can do that?”
–
In California, it’s amazing how short the distance is between “We need month-long storms to get us out of this drought” and “Will this rain ever stop?”
–
Gloria Allred has a press conference Wednesday with three women who have accused Bill Cosby of sexual assault. So congratulations to everyone who had December 3 in the pool.
–
The FSU student conduct code hearing over sexual assault allegations against Jameis Winston ended today without the QB testifying. A decision is expected in 2-3 weeks. Or more likely the day after the Seminoles’ last playoff game.
–
Several baggage handlers at JFK Airport have been charged with stealing jewelry and electronic items from checked bags over the past two years. Including Apple iPhones, laptops, and a 2 carat pair of diamond earrings. Glad they caught them, but who put iPhones, laptops and diamond earrings in their checked luggage?
–
Ted Cruz wants to shut down the U.S. Government on Dec 11 over President Obama’s actions on immigration. Giving Mitch McConnell and John Boehner just a bit of a glimpse of 2015 when it’s their circus and their monkeys.
–
The Chicago Blackhawks’ goalie Corey Crawford will miss at least two to three weeks because he said he fell at a concert. In related news the SF Giants have forbidden Jeremy Affeldt from going to concerts.
–
So much for all those who said that video of what happened between Darren Wilson and Michael Brown would have made a difference. #StatenIsland #EricGarner
–
Late night thoughts on Staten Island. Look, I understand some people use any excuse for a riot and looting – including a sports win or loss. I also understand that some people on both sides like to overly politicize a single event. But does ANYONE doubt that if those cops had put a choke hold on some preppy white smart-ass asthmatic kid selling cigarettes or joints, and he had died, that the cops would have been indicted, or in jail, by now?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: 76ers jokes, FSU jokes, Gloria Allred jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Texas jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
December 3, 2014
In England, George Clooney made an appearance on Downton Abbey for charity.
Women get it. To explain this concept to men, this is the equivalent of NFL football with naked cheerleaders.
Boston’s Mass General Hospital is treating a possible Ebola patient. But of course, this isn’t making major headlines – since the November election is over.
Go figure this targeted FB ad, from Walmart, suggesting that you “not miss a minute of the 49ers game” with Walmart grocery delivery. What do they target supposed Oakland fans with? “Come stand in line at our stores and you don’t have to watch the Raiders game.”?
–
#BlackFriday sales were down, #CyberMonday sales weren’t up as much as expected. Uh, maybe because the #smallbusinessSaturday and #GivingTuesday and the extended everything sales have made Americans think they’d be idiots to buy early?
–
The NFL is not apologizing for the St. Louis Rams players who came out with their hands up before Sunday’s game. The league presumably is still deciding whether they need to apologize for the play of the Raiders.
–
The underachieving #SF49ers are playing the simply awful #oaklandraiders this Sunday. Can we dub this the Grumpy Bowl?
–
Michigan is apparently firing coach Brady Hoke after a 5-7 season. The Wolverines really now might be a particularly good fit for Jim Harbaugh. If the situation you’re coming into is bad enough, no one cares if you’re an a**hole.
–
After security lines at Chicago’s Midway Airport stretched over a mile Sunday morning, TSA now said they made a mistake. They opened checkpoints at 4:00am, but due to the holiday, ticket counters had opened at 3:30am. Sort of makes you feel real warm and fuzzy about their ability to catch bad guys.
–
Veteran MLB umpire Dale Scott just revealed that he is gay and married to his partner of 28 years. Who knew, an ump turns out to be braver than the players.
–
NY Jets WR Eric Decker’s wife Jessie says her husband has been “depressed about the team’s season. And season ticket holders are thinking “HE’S depressed? We’re the ones paying to watch this sh*t.”
–
Rain has hit the San Francisco Bay Area so hard and fast that most networks have barely had time to have their reporters covering the drought over to “Stormwatch.”
–
Senator Rob Portman said yesterday he will not run for President in 2016. And most Americans said “Who?”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Ebola jokes, George Clooney, Janice Hough, Michigan jokes, NY Jets jokes, Raider jokes, Rams jokes, San Francisco jokes, TSA jokes, Walmart jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
December 2, 2014
Elizabeth Lauten, who posted that rant on FB about the Obama girls and their clothes, resigned today as communications director for a GOP congressman from Tennessee. Well, at least she won’t have to deal with that interview question “why did you leave your last job?”.
–
Some wonder where Elizabeth Lauten will end up next. I got dibs on FOX News in the pool.
–
Madonna, 56, is topless in a new photo spread in “Interview” magazine. And you think you embarrass YOUR children.
–
Cleveland QB Brian Hoyer, defending his role as the team’s starter. “We’re 7-5. That just doesn’t happen by luck.” No, but getting to have played Tennessee, Jacksonville, Oakland, Atlanta, New Orleans and Tampa Bay doesn’t hurt either.
–
Some tickets for tonight’s Miami-NY #MNF game were going for $15. But many Jets fans were holding out to be paid more.
–
It’s getting bad. At this point the only halfway decent team playing football in New Jersey might be 7-5 #Rutgers. #NYJets #nyjets
–
The Washington Redskins had a “Cyber Monday” deal for season tickets. “By Telephone Only.” Sounds like Dan Snyder and company get the concept of “Cyber Monday” about as well as they get the idea of putting together a decent football team.
Cyber Monday is over. The one day of the year when average American women are as focused on their jobs as most men are during the first day of March Madness.
–
Lindsey Vonn says her boyfriend Tiger Woods is an “inspiration”. “You’re just figuring that out now?” responded comedy writers.
–
The NFL has decided not to fine the St. Louis Rams players who made the “hands up don’t shoot” gesture before yesterday’s game with Oakland. Nor are they fining the Raiders who looked like they were REALLY surrendering.
–
TC says “The Raiders played the entire game with their hands up also. Did you know their “Challenge Flag” is white?”
–
House Speaker John Boehner has indicated another government shutdown could be possible when a temporary funding measure expires Dec. 11. Here’s a simple solution – NO ONE from Congress goes home for the holidays until they have a deal, period..
–
The winner of Uruguay’s presidential election, Tabare Vazques, has promised to create the first state-run marijuana marketplace. In related news, travel agents report a sudden jump in calls asking to visit Uruguay.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Boehner jokes, Congress jokes, Cyber Monday jokes, Elizabeth Lauten jokes, Janice Hough, Madonna jokes, Raiders jokes, Rams jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
December 1, 2014
Here we go, #CyberMonday. Where merchants offer X% off on items they may or may not have raised by X or X plus Y % last week.
–
The airport security line at Midway Airport reportedly was over 1.2 miles long Sunday am. Let’s hope the airlines at least gave passengers that extra frequent flier mile.
–
Some of the St. Louis Rams are being criticized for walking out before their game against Oakland in the “hands up, don’t shoot” position used by Ferguson protesters.
Two questions. 1. Where’s the “free speech” crowd who defended the “Duck Dynasty” patriarch and others on this one? 2. Wonder how many of these players have been pulled over for “driving while black?”
Personally, while I decry looting and property destruction, I don’t have a problem with this peaceful protest. And then as my friend Mary S said “They had the right to make a peaceful statement, then proceeded to beat the holy crap out of the Raiders…”
–
All these interesting early games in the NFL Sunday, and Northern California got to see the 52-0 Rams-Raiders game….. Can TV ratings be negative numbers?
–
#Raiders today made a strong case for the #NFL instituting a mercy rule. #OAKvsSTL
–
Have to wonder how did these Raiders ever beat the Chiefs? Heck, they aren’t looking like they could beat Alabama. #OAKvsSTL
Los Angeles fans don’t have an NFL team. After today, New York fans don’t think they have one either.
–
There are rumors that the 49ers might trade Jim Harbaugh to another NFL team for a draft pick – and the top two teams and the Raiders and the Jets!? And comedy writers are thinking “Christmas is coming early.
–
Mike Golic was one of only 3 of 14 ESPN experts to pick the Eagles over the Cowboys, and the ONLY one to pick the Saints over the Steelers. Maybe a karmic reward from the football gods for enough of a sense of humor to do that semi-nude picture?
–
Janay Rice who attended her husband’s June meetings with Roger Goodell, says of the NFL commissioner, “I can’t say he’s telling the truth.” Give Goodell credit, it really takes talent to come out of a situation like this looking worse than the guy who knocked out a woman.
–
Meanwhile, in Canada, the CFL Grey Cup was Sunday night. Hamilton vs. Calgary. Many Americans are thinking “what’s the Grey Cup?” Still others are thinking “Where’s Hamilton?
UAB – the .University of Alabama at Birmingham -may be about to shut down their football program. And after the last month, have to wonder how many Notre Dame alums are saying “want our team instead?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, airline jokes, Cyber Monday jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Raiders jokes, Rams jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
November 29, 2014
A communications director for Tennessee Rep. Stephen Fincher has apologized after posting on Facebook some criticism of Malia and Sasha Obama’s outfits when their dad pardoned a turkey “Try showing a little class. At least respect the part you play. Dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at a bar.”
Leaving aside the fact that children in the White House are traditionally off limits, many parents saw the picture and thought “I wish my daughters dressed that modestly.”
Apparently a new study has found that marijuana could help in treating Alzheimer’s. So it still might be “Dude, where’s my car?” But at least you’ll remember you have one.
–
Happy birthday to LA Dodgers’ announcer Vin Scully, 87. Or as Jamie Moyer refers to him “that nice young man.”
–
If #Auburn held on, #SEC powers might have had to have an emergency meeting to develop rationales for 2 loss team in #CollegeFootballPlayoff #AUBvsBAMA
–
But the final score was Alabama 55, Auburn 44, So when did they change the #IronBowl into a flag football game?
–
Western Kentucky upset previously undefeated #24 Marshall in OT, 67-66. The WKU Hilltoppers may not have earned a bowl bid, but perhaps at least a small bouquet from the BCS powers-that-be?
–
The Philadelphia 76ers are 0-16. At this point even the Washington Generals want to play them.
–
Many SF Giants fans are unhappy about a favorite player leaving as a free agent. Oakland A’s GM Billy Beane seems bound and determined not to let star players stay around long enough to be favorites and/or free agents.
–
For the uninitiated, George Gipp. aka “the Gipper”, died almost 96 years ago this week. Good thing. #NotreDame‘s play today might have killed him.
–
Most Americans are agreed in hoping that #ESPN‘s #MikeGolic, a #NotreDame alum, didn’t make a bet involving a photo over #USC game #NDvsUSC
–
FSU hung on to beat Florida 24-19, despite Jameis Winston throwing four interceptions so far today. Who knew the Heisman winner’s ambition was to be drafted by the #NYJets?
–
A story is going viral about a US Airways passenger who brought a pig on board last week as an emotional-support animal. Wonder how many women are thinking “how different is that from with my ex?”
–
From Alex Kaseberg “In Connecticut, a pig was kicked off a flight for being disruptive. This inability to have a pig fly does not bode well for the Chicago Cubs’ season.”
–
In a retrial, a Cairo judge dismissed all murder charges against former Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarak. Wow, did Egypt import a judge from Los Angeles?
–
A 25 year-old Central Florida high school band teacher has been arrested and charged with having sex with two of his students. One relationship started last year but the girl kept it a secret until last week, when she found out about the new girl. #Stayclassy
(this is one of those moments when you almost wish the students HAD been armed.)
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 76er jokes, elizabeth lauten, Iron bowl jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, Notre Dame jokes, SEC jokes. Cubs jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
November 28, 2014
This is a picture of a mostly sold-out Rose Bowl in the 4th quarter of today’s UCLA-Stanford game.
To be fair, wonder how many Stanford fans were not only happily watching the game, but wondering, Who is this football team and where have they been all year? #nerdnation #stanvsucla
Stanford’s David Shaw was like a different coach today. Almost like he’s auditioning for a hypothetical open local #NFL job. #stanvsucla #fearthetree
–
Got to wonder, if the elevator “incident” happened after one of his Pro Bowl seasons, would he have been signed by now?
#JedYork tweeted at the end of the SF-Seattle game “Thank you #49ersfaithful for coming out strong tonight. This performance wasn’t acceptable. I apologize for that.” Wonder how the tweet was received by both fans left in the stadium.
–
Retailers in Denver had shoppers lining up for “Green Friday” marijuana sales. Of course, wonder how many folks will show for those sales Saturday, or Sunday, or next week….
–
Black Friday crowds were apparently thinner than average today.. Which might mean Americans weren’t shopping as seriously as usual. Or might mean more of us were sitting home today, drinking, eating leftovers, watching TV and shopping online.
–
So SF Giants fans are all whining about their rough week because Pablo Sandoval left. And SF 49ers fans are just thinking “Oh, STFU.”
–
British Airways is going to try to save money by standardizing lavatories in their fleet. Wonder how long it will take U.S. airlines to try to save money by just replacing lavatories with disposable plastic bottles.
–
Apparently HealthCare.gov got off to a much better start in the first week of its second year, with 220,000 new signups. Which means the GOP will be in even a bigger rush to repeal Obamacare now that it looks like it’s working.
–
Thanksgiving is over for another year. And pretty amazing job in retrospect by the NFL. Three games, three turkeys.
Okay, you think you had a tense Thanksgiving with your loved ones. In Pennsylvania a man is recovering in the hospital after his girlfriend woke up from a nap to discover he had started eating dinner without her. So she stabbed him in the chest. (Of course, in Florida or Texas she’d have probably shot him. #smallmercies)
–
If the #SEC is that good in football why has the team they added from #Big12 made it to the championship game 2 years in a row? #Mizzou
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, black friday jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, ray rice jokes, Stanford jokes, UCLA jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 