Posted tagged ‘Texas jokes’

Something missing?

May 26, 2015

The parent company of Pizza Hut and Taco Bell says they will remove all artificial flavors and coloring from their food. What will be left?

 

Texas Governor Greg Abbott last month ordered the State Guard to monitor US military games In the state. So now with the horrific floods will Abbott call President Obama for FEMA, or for foreign aid?

Apparently tickets were available for game four of the NBA Eastern Conference finals at a reasonable price since Cleveland fans didn’t seem that interested in showing up. Neither apparently did the Atlanta Hawks.

That video of Stephen Curry’s scary fall Monday night seemed to be on an endless loop on sports shows. And watching, it’s amazing he didn’t break a wrist at least in the tumble. If he hadn’t gone into basketball Curry might have had a real future in men’s gymnastics.

Three children were injured after a waterspout made landfall at a Fort Lauderdale beach and sent an inflatable bounce house soaring into the air.

It being Florida have to wonder how many people will try to figure out how to put bounce houses in the path of future waterspouts so they can experience flying.

In his 2002 campaign for Senate, Jim Bob Duggar stated on his website that “rape and incest represent heinous crimes and as such should be treated as capital crimes.” Capital crimes huh? Capital punishment might result in a whole new viewing audience for their show.

A clip has surfaced from 2008 with Josh Duggar talking about his siblings Jana and John David joining him with his girlfriend on a “double date” and laughingly adding “We are from Arkansas, no?” Once again, where are the religious small business owners refusing to bake cakes for Duggar weddings?

 

Phillies GM Ruben Amaro, on fans who are unhappy with the team. “They don’t understand the game….. And then they b—- and complain because we don’t have a plan. There’s a plan in place and we’re sticking with the plan. We can’t do what’s best for the fan. We have to do what’s best for the organization so the fan can reap the benefit of it later on.”

So what part of the plan involves getting a GM who understands the game?

Two pitchers have been ejected and suspended over foreign substance on their arms in the last week. Wouldn’t it be simpler for these would-be greasers just to adopt a Brandon Crawford type hairdo? ‪#‎SFGiants‬

A retired Catholic bishop warned women against practicing yoga, which he said is a “pagan” exercise, and said could be “an occasion of serious sin”  So maybe they should take up a wholesome exercise like pole dancing instead?

A last post-Memorial Day thought. So many politicians, mostly non-veterans, like to talk about honoring those who made the ultimate sacrifice in war. Would take them more seriously if they honored those brave men and women by only sending more of them into combat as a last resort. ‪#‎YesIamtalkingaboutyouchickenhawks‬

The IRS says that hackers have accessed over 100,000 taxpayers’ old returns. But IRS Commissioner John Koskinen says “This is not a security breach. Our basic information is secure. These are criminals who had enough data to try and impersonate the taxpayer.” Orwell would be proud.

 

About a five hour drive from Milwaukee, where the Giants were playing tonight, to Minneapolis, where the Red Sox were playing. So did Pablo Sandoval see any of the highlight shows and wonder if he just MIGHT have been having more fun had he stayed put….?

Dumb and dumber?

May 8, 2015

The Cleveland Cavaliers are apologizing for an “insensitive” promotional video where a young man imitates Patrick Swayze about to catch Jennifer Grey on her leap in “Dirty Dancing.”  But the man is a Cavs fan, the woman has a Bulls shirt on, and instead of catching her, he throws her to the ground….  At the end, she cuddles up next to him with a new  Cavs shirt, an ice pack on her head. “Well, I’m all in now.”

 

And regarding that  video. I’m not P.C, and okay, a Dirty Dancing spoof could have been funny. Maybe if a Cavs fan just dropped a Bulls fan. But then to show a woman writing on the floor in pain, and with the ice pack?  Thinking the ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ goes less to the morons who filmed it, than to the executive(s) who signed off on showing the thing…..

So Tom Brady’s agent now says that the Wells report “contains significant and tragic flaws” and “is a significant and terrible disappointment.” Well, for Patriots fans he’s right about that second part. ‪#‎didntwelearnanythingfromWatergate‬?

And maybe Brady was telling the literal truth at least when he said “”I” didn’t alter the ball in any way,” ‪#‎Willnooneridmeofthistroublesomeair‬?”

In the grand scheme of things, how important is the Tom Brady – Deflategate Story? Not that big of a deal. But really, as talented as the Patriots’ QB is.. It’s almost as if Jennifer Lopez was caught using butt-enhancers.

So while rumors swirl about a possible ‪#‎TomBrady‬ suspension, what about Bill Belichick? ‪#‎RogerGoodell‬ ‪#‎Ignoranceisnoexcuse‬ ‪#‎Saints‬ ‪#‎Patriots‬

 

A 23 year-old Michigan woman was arrested for DUI and resisting arrest. This after she was caught driving down a road going the wrong way, naked, after leaving her husband and young child, also both naked, at a rest stop. She says she doesn’t remember the night. So this is one of those traditional marriages we need to defend?

 

Defense Secretary Ash Carter, when asked if the Pentagon really is “planning to overtake Texas”, flatly replied, “no.” How tempting must it have been to add “But if they want to secede….”

Kevin Love is out, Chris Paul is out, John Wall is out….. are we sure the Golden State Warriors don’t have a batch of voodoo dolls hidden somewhere?

 

Everett Golson has announced he will transfer from Notre Dame to another school next year. While he listed several SEC schools as possibilities, the QB would need a waiver to go to any of them, because one conference criteria for transfers is “The student-athlete has not been subject to official university or athletics department disciplinary action at any time during enrollment at any previous collegiate institution.”

And Golson was suspended from Notre Dame in 2013 for “poor academic judgment”

In the SEC they’re asking “what’s poor academic judgment?”

 

 

 

From T.C.  “The Tampa Bay Bucs have added a clause in QB Jameis Winston’s contract the prohibits him from playing major league baseball. The Seahawks are considering rewriting Russell Wilson’s contract, who participated in spring training with The Texas Rangers. They don’t want Wilson to be throwing unnecessarily.”

All about the balls.

May 6, 2015

The NFL Wells report has found that it is “probable” that Patriots personnel deliberately deflated balls against the Colts, and that quarterback Tom Brady was “generally aware” of what was happening. So how long until Roger Goddell penalizes the Saints?

Patriots owner Bob Kraft in January, proclaiming his team’s innocence. “Tom, Bill and I have been together for 15 years. They are my guys. They are part of my family, and Bill, Tom and I have had many difficult discussions over the years, and I have never known them to lie to me.”

Right, because family members NEVER lie to you. Paging Hillary Clinton

 

 

Patriots owner Robert Kraft condemned the Wells report on “Deflate-gate” saying the incriminatory findings were ‘incomprehensible’ and based on ‘circumstantial evidence’ rather than science. Uh, apparently no one has explained to Kraft about this texting thing?

 

Texas state Rep. David Simpson, a Republican, has proposed a bill to legalize marijuana in the state, and it was approved by a House committee. But this line from his March op-ed is the best – “I don’t believe that when God made marijuana he made a mistake that government needs to fix,” but it should be “regulated like tomatoes, jalapenos or coffee.” Jalapenos? ‪#‎GodBlessTexas‬

 

 

In Crane County,, Texas, apparently 20 students, out of only 300 at the high school, have chlamydia. The school’s only sex-program is “”Worth the Wait’ Abstinence Plus.” And the district superintendent, Jim Rumage says “If kids are not having any sexual activity, they can’t get this disease.” Is it too early for nominations for the 2015 “Captain Obvious” award? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎cantstophormoneseither‬

 

Cowboys’ draftee Randy Gregory, who admitted regular marijuana smoking in college, and failed a drug test at the NFL combine, said on Dallas radio “I don’t think it’s a weed problem. I think it’s decision making. I think I’m immature.”

Of course, if he were REALLY immature, he wouldn’t have enough self-awareness to make that statement?

Marshall University RB Steward Butler was arrested in West Virginia for allegedly beating two gay men just after he saw them kiss in public last month. So he thought they should be doing something more natural like kissing their sisters?

Isiah Thomas was fired as the Knicks coach in 2007 after a jury ruled that he had sexually harassed a female former team executive and then improperly fired her for complaining. Now Thomas has a new job: Knicks owner James Dolan hired him as president of the Liberty, New York’s WNBA team. ‪#‎whatcouldpossiblygowrong‬ ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

In Naples, Florida, a woman whose ex told her she was “drinking too much” was arrested for allegedly smashing his car with a BBQ grill, and then breaking a broom over his back. If only she had been armed

The Orlando Eye, just opened Monday. At 400 feet tall it is the tallest Ferris wheel on the U.S. East Coast . Heck, at 400 feet tall it might be the tallest thing, including hills, in Florida.

 

It’s Thursday morning and no GOP candidate has announced yet for President in more than 24 hours. Come on now., the clown car is idling and wasting gas..

 

Not the Onion. Kendall and Kylie Jenner are actually trying to trademark their first names for “entertainment in the nature of providing information by means of a global computer network in the fields of entertainment, fashion and pop culture.”
Not sure about whatever that means, but would they settle for “Kardashian” being a listed synonym for “self-absorbed” in the dictionary?

Tiger Woods says  he hasn’t slept since his breakup with Lindsey Vonn. Because he’s been “up” all night?

 

From Marc Ragovin.  “Tiger Woods said that he hasn’t slept since Lindsey Vonn broke up with him. Correction: He meant to say he hasn’t slept with another woman since Lindsey Vonn broke up with him.

Step in time?

April 10, 2015

Cleveland Cavaliers’ Kendrick Perkins had a 9-step travel that the referees did not call. 9-steps?! “Amateur” sniffed Michael Jordan.

 

 

In Allen, Texas, a rancher was given a $266 citation for doing what he’s been doing for years, riding his horse to Taco Bell. Apparently it’s not allowed to ride on a public street. Now, if he’d just walked downtown carrying a couple shotguns….

 

Spurs beat the Rockets in Houston tonight 104-103. Are we sure that up in the rafters of the Alamodome along with all those banners there aren’t really ancient portraits of Duncan, Ginobili and Parker?

So regarding this announcement Sunday, wouldn’t it be more of a headline if Hillary Clinton said she WASN’T running for President?

Kentucky’s Karl-Anthony Towns may be the #1 NBA draft pick and he has said it obviously would be a little special” to play for the Knicks. Makes sense. Towns only spent one year with the Wildcats – he’d enjoy the chance to spend more years with top college-level players.

Big news at the Masters. Tiger Woods will make the cut! (Oh, yeah, and some guy broke the 36 hole course record. Details, details….)

Sad to hear of the passing of Richard Dysart, Leland McKenzie in LA Law. Hard as it might be to believe, for eight years there were actually lawyers you WANTED to see every week. ‪#‎venusbutterfly‬

 

As the NHL regular season draws to a close, San Jose Sharks fans are asking Toronto Maple Leafs fans “So what do you do now to be disappointed during the playoffs?”

The Grateful Dead sent a letter to their fans announcing two new concerts in June at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara on June 27 and 28. “Since we made the decision to go back to Chicago to say our final goodbye, it has become clear to us that we first need to return to our beginnings, where we first said hello — to each other and to all of you.”

Yep, talk about having million$ of rea$on$ to make thing$ clearer.

 

From Marc Ragovin  “Troy Polamalu has retired. His final message to Steeler Nation: “I’m outta hair.”

 

So on the day that it is first announced MLB is sending out “pace of game” warning to players, at the time of writing this post, the Red Sox and Yankees are heading towards 7 hours in an extra-inning game. Karma and her sister Irony are mean bitches.

Dude, where’s my congress?

February 26, 2015

Marijuana, in small quantities, became legal tonight in Washington, D.C. But some Republicans are upset. Rep. Jason Chaffetz, a Tea Partier from Utah wrote in a letter to the mayor. “If you decide to move forward … you will be doing so in knowing and willful violation of the law.” Whatever happened to the mantra of “Government out of our lives”?

David Ortiz is not happy about the new pace rules saying a hitter has to keep one foot in the box “I call that bulls—” And Ortiz also indicated he needs the time to strategize so he’ll just pay the fines. Well, maybe Big Papi can call Marshawn Lynch for advice about setting up one of those automatic payment plans.

The way his trial is going, looks like only thing that could get ‪#‎AaronHernandez‬ an acquittal is a change of venue to Los Angeles.

 

Lebron James is complaining that colleges are already offering his young son basketball scholarships “It’s pretty crazy. It should be a violation. You shouldn’t be recruiting 10-year-old kids.” And Les Miles is thinking, yeah, if we thought he might play football we should have started at least 8 years earlier.

The Chicago Cubs announced that they now have a new mental skills program, run by sports psychologist Dr. Ken Ravizza. Will Dr. Ravizza also be setting up depression clinics for Cubs fans?

Carly Fiorina, trashing Hillary Clinton’s touting of all the hundreds of thousands of miles she travelled as Secetary of State: “But unlike Hillary Clinton, I know that flying is an activity, not an accomplishment.” Spoken like someone who has her choice of private planes.

The Ohio news anchor who used a racial slur to describe Lady Gaga’s music, saying afterwards she didn’t even know the slur was a word, is off the air for three days. Presume when she returns it will be with a dictionary?

Federal prosecutors have decided there is insufficient evidence to prosecute George Zimmerman for a hate crime against Trayvon Martin. Or maybe they figured they could save the expense of a trial since this guy seems well on his way to a Darwin award.

Jason Jones has announced he will follow Jon Stewart in leaving “The Daily Show.” Wonder why the mass exodus. Maybe all these comics are beginning to think, that as crazy as the world is becoming, there really IS no satire.

The state of Texas is warning college kids on spring break to avoid Mexico because of the danger of drug cartel violence. Right, go somewhere like Florida with all-American gun violence.

A New York councilman will introduce a bill tomorrow to require the NYPD to become completely digital, and get rid of their typewriters. Responded most millennials “What are typewriters?”

Mark Beckner, the former Boulder, CO police chief who led the 1996 Jon Benet Ramsey murder investigation acknowledged today in a Reddit session that many mistakes were made, for starters, he wished “we would have done a much better job of securing and controlling the crime scene on day one” and the “DA involvement in this case was inappropriate.”
Anyone who followed the case wonders, in his next interview, will Beckner give his opinion that water is wet?

 

 

A lawyer for the Southern California trucker who abandoned his vehicle on the tracks before a Metrolink train crashed into it said the trucker was “running for his life” and not abandoning the scene of an accident. Police found the guy 45 min later, 1.5 miles away……  Was he afraid the train was going to push him into a lifeboat?

 

From Bill Littlejohn.  “Joba Chamberlain’s new contract includes a Cy Young bonus.Isn’t that like Vin Diesel’s  new contract including an Oscar bonus?”

Stupid beyond a shadow of a doubt.

February 2, 2015

No word on when Spring is coming in Seattle. Punxsutawney Phil is still cowering in his burrow with a headache.

No doubt some Seahawks players and fans feel God let them down Sunday. But to paraphrase an old joke, if God cared at all He/She is probably saying. “Look, I gave you 2 Brady interceptions, 1 miracle catch, and three downs to win it with the best running back in the NFL, what more did you want?”

Seahawks offensive coordinator Darrell Bevells said they threw on 2nd and goal because “We were conscious of how much time was on the clock and we wanted to use it all.” Uh, except if the pass had been caught for a TD Seattle would have given Brady the ball back with 20 something seconds left. ‪#‎baddecisionANDbadmath‬

So for all those who wondered how the NFL would grab headlines after the Super Bowl, congrats to all who had “Johnny Manziel entering rehab” in the pool.

 

Former NFL star Warren Sapp was fired by the NFL Network after he was arrested for soliciting prostitution and two counts of misdemeanor assault after the Super Bowl. Two women who were also cited allegedly told police an argument started over money. When will they ever learn? ALWAYS pay your mistresses and your hookers. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

So, I’m dating myself, but can’t help thinking that that the best headline for this week’s storm would be “Linus blankets Northeast.”

 

From Marc Ragovin:   “Is Pete Carroll’s Internet alias “Clueless in Seattle?”

 

Sammy Fong says “See, this is what happens when you legalize marijuana in your state!”

A Texas elementary school suspended a 9-year-old boy for making “terroristic threats” after he told a classmate he could make him disappear with a magic ring like the one in the Hobbit movie. Silly boy. It’s Texas. If he had just threatened the classmate with a gun he’d have gotten off with a warning.

You can get odds on Tiger Woods winning this week’s Farmers Insurance Open at 50-1 in Las Vegas. And it’s still probably a bad bet.

The Baltimore Ravens released DT Terrence Cody today after he was indicted on 15 charges, including two felony counts of aggravated animal cruelty, after his dog died. (The charges also included illegally owning an alligator.) Not sure exactly what happened, but with the league’s heightened awareness after Michael Vick, seems like anyone risking these charges with animals should be cut for stupidity if nothing else.

A 3-year-old boy shot his both his father and pregnant mother in an Albuquerque, NM hotel room this weekend. His parents will survive, his mother is still in the hospital. If only the fetus had been armed..

Way too young, former MLB player Dave Bergman has passed away at 61. Hope someone is warning players in heaven’s softball league about that hidden ball trick.

Chris Christie today was asked about the measles outbreak, and said, while he and his wife vaccinated their kids, “I also understand that parents need to have some measure of choice in things as well. So that’s the balance that the government has to decide.” Yep, the NJ govenor is not only running for President, he’s jockeying hard for the “stupid” vote.

Swoosh for Surrender?

January 13, 2015

Maybe it was the white uniforms? ‪#‎Itsnoteasynotbeinggreen‬?

Ohio State beat Oregon handily, despite a steady stream of turnovers.  Good thing the National championship trophy has been changed from crystal to metal, in case the Buckeyes drop it.

Okay, the question of the night. How did Ohio State lose, to Virginia Tech, by 14, at home? (35-21)

 

At least Children in Africa should be getting some really colorful “‪#‎Oregon‬ National Championship” shirts later this week.

Lots of experts opining pre-game on whether Oregon or Ohio State would win the national championship tonight. Of course, most of these experts predicted the game would be between Florida State and Alabama.

 

Who’d a thunk it? The happiest and most productive recent Heisman winner in this postseason might well be Tim Tebow. ‪#‎NationalChampionship‬

Wonder if suspended ‪#‎OregonDucks‬ players might be planning a party to console teammates when they get home? ‪#‎brownies‬? ‪#‎CFBChampionship‬

Once again, a big game ended after midnight on the East Coast. No complaints out in California, but pretty clear ESPN and NCAA don’t really give a damn about anyone who has work or school tomorrow

Yesterday was the 14th annual “No Pants Subway Ride” day in New York City. And presumably today is the 14th annual “Celebrate Handi Wipes” day.

Sad news from Texas. Two people who entered a pen containing two female camels and a male camel in rut were trampled to death this weekend by the male camel. Rut ro.

 

A Disney Cruise ship rescued a Royal Caribbean passenger who fell overboard off the coast of Mexico. Of course, after hearing “Let it Go” for the 100th time, the man probably had to be restrained by Disney crew from jumping back over the rails.

Ted Cruz is the latest to jump on the “We needed to show more solidarity with France by being at the rally” bandwagon, and he wrote an op-ed about it for Time. Feel that strongly about it, Senator? Post some of those Charlie Hebdo cartoons on your website.

Bills owner Terry Pegula said that new coach Rex Ryan is “the best fit for our team,” Cue the Cinderella shoe/foot jokes….

Gavin Newsom says he won’t run for Barbara Boxer’s Senate seat in 2016. Translation, he’s running for Governor in 2018.

A woman from Seneca Falls, New York was arrested last November for DUI with a blood alcohol level of .26. And apparently she had been drinking… vanilla extract. Which is .41% alcohol. And millions of teenagers are thinking “you can do that?”

Okay, we’re all about free speech these days, even when we think it’s obnoxious. Well, kinda sorta. Apparently Margaret Cho’s North Korean general portrayal on the Golden Globes has already generated outrage. (And she is Korean-American). Personally, I thought it was funny. But we can not “suis Charlie” if we can’t also at times “suis” un-PC..

Fill in the blanks.

December 4, 2014

100 brains were missing from the University of Texas. Does this even need a punchline?

 

The Philadelphia 76ers actually won a game tonight, making them 1-17. If they keep improving, the team might have a chance of being favored against Kentucky.

A Hawaii football announcer has apologized for referring to Fresno as the “armpit of America.” As well he should have. Everyone knows that’s New Jersey.

#‎Stayclassy‬ Sarah Palin posted a picture on her FB page this weekend of President Obama captioned “I am signing a new executive order replacing the world ‘looting’ with ‘undocumented shopping.'”

Of course, Palin believes rioting should be confined to important things, like her family attending birthday parties.

UAB says they are shutting down their football program for “the greater good.” And Raiders fans are thinking “You can do that?”

In California, it’s amazing how short the distance is between “We need month-long storms to get us out of this drought” and “Will this rain ever stop?”

Gloria Allred has a press conference Wednesday  with three women who have accused Bill Cosby of sexual assault. So congratulations to everyone who had December 3 in the pool.

The FSU student conduct code hearing over sexual assault allegations against Jameis Winston ended today without the QB testifying. A decision is expected in 2-3 weeks. Or more likely the day after the Seminoles’ last playoff game.

Several baggage handlers at JFK Airport have been charged with stealing jewelry and electronic items from checked bags over the past two years. Including Apple iPhones, laptops, and a 2 carat pair of diamond earrings. Glad they caught them, but who put iPhones, laptops and diamond earrings in their checked luggage?

Ted Cruz wants to shut down the U.S. Government on Dec 11 over President Obama’s actions on immigration. Giving Mitch McConnell and John Boehner just a bit of a glimpse of 2015 when it’s their circus and their monkeys.

The Chicago Blackhawks’ goalie Corey Crawford will miss at least two to three weeks because he said he fell at a concert. In related news the SF Giants have forbidden Jeremy Affeldt from going to concerts.

So much for all those who said that video of what happened between Darren Wilson and Michael Brown would have made a difference. ‪#‎StatenIsland‬ ‪#‎EricGarner‬

Late night thoughts on Staten Island. Look, I understand some people use any excuse for a riot and looting – including a sports win or loss. I also understand that some people on both sides like to overly politicize a single event. But does ANYONE doubt that if those cops had put a choke hold on some preppy white smart-ass asthmatic kid selling cigarettes or joints, and he had died, that the cops would have been indicted, or in jail, by now?

Girl Power

October 26, 2014

mone

SF Giants are undefeated in games in which Mo’Ne Davis throws out the first pitch.

My Twitter post at 430p today….  Lucky guess?  .#‎Stanford‬‘s moribund offense woke up today against ‪#‎oregonstate‬. Maybe a good omen for ‪#‎SFGiants‬ offense. ‪#‎WorldSeries‬”

 

So who figured that the SF Giants would outscore both LSU and Ole Miss tonight.

World Series game four did last four hours exactly. Hope this isn’t an omen for game five.

USA Today’s Bob Nightengale led his game 4 World Series story about the SF Giants’ win  “Those loveable little, pesky cockroaches, you just can’t kill ’em.”

How long until they start selling stuffed cockroaches at A T & T Park.?

 

The Kansas City Royals had them trapped

One weird thing at ‪#‎WorldSeries‬. The out-of-town scoreboard is blank. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

Need a reason to root for the ‪#‎SFGiants?‬. Apparently their being in the World Series upset Kanye West’s plans to take over AT&T park for a private concert as a birthday present for Kim Kardashian.

(as my friend Marty B. said, then it would be T &A ballpark.)

 

 

 

And after a great sports day with Stanford and SF Giants both winning, saw USC lose to Utah 24-21 on a touchdown pass with 8 seconds left. ‪#‎asgoodasitgets‬

 

(although, to be fair. Oregon State alums who live in Kansas City with kids going to USC were not happy today.)

New York’s LaGuardia Airport was the only one in America to make the top ten in a list of the “World’s Worst Airports”. And LaGuardia came in at 10th. Another way in which we’re losing U.S. exceptionalism?

Stay classy, Texas. This tweet from Ted Cruz’s Deputy Chief of Staff, Nick Muzin, tweeted Thursday “Before Obamacare there had never been a confirmed case of Ebola in the United States.”

 

 

 

The best of games, the worst of games.

October 19, 2014

And some people still think football players don’t need math skills. Tulane QB Nick Montana spiked the ball today near the end of the first half to stop the clock. On fourth down….. ‪#‎Oops‬

 

Texas A&M QB Kenny Hill has filed for the trademark Kenny Trill, “Trill” apparently being a new word meaning “true and real.” So after today’s 59-0 blowout by Alabama does that mean it’s “true” that A&M is “real”ly over-rated?

 

Notre Dame game winning TD  against FSU  called back for offensive pass interference.  Guess the Fighting Irish couldn’t bring their own officiating crew from South Bend

#‎WestVirginia‬ upsets Baylor. And the Mountaineers will be getting flower deliveries from every one-loss ‪#‎SEC‬ school. ‪#‎BAYvsWVU‬ .

Oklahoma’s star senior kicker Michael Hunnicutt missed a potential game winning 19 yd field goal, after missing a 32 yd attempt earlier, and having a extra point blocked. If the Sooners end up playing Stanford in a bowl there won’t be enough Maalox in the country for fans of both teams during place kicks.

Although be careful what you wish for. No doubt many Stanford football fans were hoping tonight’s game against ASU wouldn’t come down to a field goal attempt by Jordan Williamson..

Blake Griffin said he is frustrated over continued hard fouls, and “probably” will start retaliating if they continue. Could result in a big jump in Clippers’ TV ratings….

So its now harder to vote than to buy a gun in ‪#‎Texas‬.

If seniors weren’t traditionally conservative voters have to figure Republicans would be trying to stop all this early voting in Florida. With the excuse that some percentage of these voters won’t still be alive on election day.

 

Interesting  ‪#‎FSUvsND‬ matchup, One QB coming off a year’s suspension, another looking like he deserves one.

President Obama today on Ebola “This is a serious disease, but we can’t give in to hysteria or fear — because that only makes it harder to get people the accurate information they need. We have to be guided by the science.” Science? Really? That’s it. Now FOX News is really convinced the President isn’t a real American.

Spectacular. According to Texas’s new Voter ID laws, a veteran’s ID or student ID will NOT be acceptable as identification, even with photos on them. A concealed handgun license IS acceptable. Can we just let them secede NOW?

For all those who think baseball is boring, thanks to Dwight Perry for this from Vox.com – The breakdown of a Cincinnati-New England televised NFL game on Oct 6::

. Players standing around between plays: 35.5 percent
• Commercials: 24.5 percent
• Replays: 10.7 percent
• Coach shots: 4.9 percent
• Referee shots: 3.2 percent
• Halftime: 3.2 percent
• Sideline player shots: 2.2 percent
• On-screen promotions: 2 percent
• Other (crowd shots, cheerleaders): 5.5 percent

Actual football being played? 8.3 percent.

Fair trade?

October 18, 2014

The Seahawks are going to trade WR Percy Harvin to the NY Jets. Seattle will apparently receive a conditional draft pick in 2015. Harvin will receive the month of January off.

Apparently the James Spence Authentication company, has authenticated more than 2,000 signatures from FSU QB Jameis Winston. Hey, maybe the guy’s majoring in penmanship?

25 years ago October 17 was the Loma Prieta Earthquake. At section 21 at Candlestick Park I must confess, my first thought was “Bleeping A’s fans doing the wave.”

So now a Carnival Cruise ship has been forbidden to dock in Belize because a passenger on board helped care for the Ebola patient in Dallas. Well, and if vomiting is a symptom of the disease no chance of any of that on a “Fun Ship…”

 

Who says the ‪#‎NYJets‬ can’t be first in anything this year? The NY Post reports “According to the Elias Sports Bureau, the Jets are the first team in NFL history to lose a game with 40 minutes of time of possession (40:54), 200 rushing yards (218) and no turnovers.”

A Texan tourist was accidentally locked in a London bookstore for three hours when he walked in late and didn’t notice that the Waterstones store was closing. And all over Texas people are going “see, books are dangerous!”

 

A Michigan funeral home has started a new “drive-through” viewing service, so people don’t have to get out of their cars to pay their last respects. And if they text while they are driving through do potential customers get future discounts?

No baseball for next four days. :(. Might have to just keep rewatching win from last night.

Retired FSU coach Bobby Bowden just said that Jameis Winston “does things that kids in grammar school would do.” And plenty of parents are thinking “Hey, our grammar school kids behave better than that.”

 

All this fear mongering over a major health hazard facing about to hit the USA just might be overblown. And besides, the McDonald’s McRib will only be rolled out regionally.

Despite an expected legal challenge from the NFL, Gov. Chris Christie signed a bill that allows sports betting at casinos and racetracks in New Jersey. Guess the league thinks if fans want to throw away money they should go to Jets and Giants games.

 

Apparently almost 60 percent of the almost 1 million early votes cast in this year’s midterm elections are in Florida. Well, duh, and how many of them were cast early enough in the day for voters to make it to those early bird specials?

 

Heard on a train to San Francisco with 20 somethings discussing reading. “On paper? You mean like a book form?”.

 

 

 

From Bill Littlejohn: “According to a CNN.com report, you can now rent a virtual girlfriend in China for about $3. ‘Now they tell me,’ said Manti T’eo.”

Messing with Texas.

October 14, 2014

Texas Gov. Rick Perry, speaking in London, telling his English audience  “You always sound so darn smart and refined no matter what you’re saying.” And no doubt many in the crowd are thinking “It’s not just the accent that makes you sound so dumb.”

But also let me get this straight, in Texas, they are upset that the CDC and President Obama haven’t done more against Ebola. Mark this down, Texans are  Cocomplaining that the Federal Government hasn’t done enough to interfere in their state.

Really? Cowboys RB Joseph Randle was arrested last night for shoplifting underwear and cologne in at a local Dillard’s. Wonder if the reaction in Dallas front office was, well at least he didn’t hit anybody.

Apple and Facebook will now cover the costs for women employees who want to freeze their eggs and delay having children. Makes sense, why use those young and energetic years for motherhood when you can work 80 hour weeks for your company?

We’re coming up on the 25th anniversary of the Oct 17, 1989 “World Series” earthquake. Wow. They actually used to play the World Series during mid-October?

 

Alabama TE Kurt Freitag’s status is probably in jeopardy after police searched his dorm room last week and allegedly found 112 grams of marijuana and $4,661 in cash. Thinking this sort of thing presents a major recruiting opportunity for Colorado and the University of Washington.

Dodgers have now hired Andrew Friedman from the Tampa Bay Rays as their new president of baseball operations. Well, money can’t buy happiness. But Friedman may be about to see it also can’t buy chemistry.

Tickets for the Cal vs Oregon football game next Friday at Levi’s Stadium are now 2/3 off at Groupon. Might be a good time to check the place out.  With Cal’s defense and Oregon’s offense there probably shouldn’t be too much traffic leaving late in the 4th quarter.

 

The SF Giants are doing their best to give all baseball fans in the Bay Area a free cardiac stress test. ‪#‎NLCS‬

 

 

#‎SFGiants‬ won at 4 20. Anyone see what Lincecum might have been doing to start a rally in the dugout?

 

 

 

Anyone know how many ways there are to score without a base hit in baseball? ‪#‎SFGiants‬ seem bound and determined to show us ALL of them.

The Royals were almost never on ESPN or FOX during the season, and they still aren’t. But watching them the last couple weeks I find it hard to believe that this team ever lost.

Meanwhile for SF Giants (and St. Louis Cardinals) fans who were watching tonight’s KC Royals and Orioles game – – Amazing how much fun close game is when your heart isn’t set on one outcome. ‪#‎NLCS‬ ‪#‎ALCS‬

 

 

 

The NHL Florida Panthers announced attendance of 7,311 last night. Or as the Montreal Expos used to call that, a packed house.

Closing doors?

October 2, 2014

Not surprisingly Secret Service director Julia Pierson has resigned. What is surprising, based on her performance in front of Congress, is how Pierson ever got the job in the first place.

The Washington Post is deriding Julia Pierson for allegedly saying last summer that the Secret Service needs “to be more like Disney World.” Except that no one could actually sneak in without a ticket at Disney World.

Jets owner Woody Johnson said he still thinks that Geno Smith “can be a franchise quarterback, I really do.” Of course, the franchise Johnson is talking about might be in the Canadian or Arena Football Leagues.

 

Ben Affleck was willing to do a nude scene for “Gone Girl” but said he told the director “But I will not wear a Yankees hat. I just can’t…” The man has his priorities straight.

A’s GM Billy Beane said that “if we don’t have Jon Lester, I don’t think we make the playoffs.” Well, sort of. If Oakland still had Cespedes they might not have needed to PLAY the one-game playoff.

Weird playoff trivia. Before the 2nd Wild Card was added in 2012, only four teams in each league made the postseason. If two teams tied for the best runner-up record, they would play a single play-in game. Had that system been in effect this year, the two tied NL teams would have been – the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ and ‪#‎Pirates‬.

 

JPMorgan Chase said hackers broke into their system and got information from over 80 million customers – names, addresses, phone numbers and email addresses, as well as “internal information relating to such users.” But the bank claims birthdates, account numbers and Social Security numbers were not compromised. And why should we doubt them? ‪#‎sarcasm‬

Crooks are stupid, British award winner for the week:   In Manchester, a man was caught breaking into a car in front of people training to become bouncers. Despite signs advertising the security classes. (Seven of the trainees caught and handcuffed him.)

Supposedly in the interests of safety, an Arkansas woman has declared the gun range she owns a “Muslim Free Zone.” Let’s see, the number of people who have been killed at gun ranges by Muslims this year is one less than the number killed by little girls.

 

In Louisiana, two high school English teachers were arrested after a student bragged about having a threesome with them. Parents were appalled, some fathers mostly appalled that there weren’t teachers like that in THEIR high school.

 

Texas congressman Louie Gohmert has been complaining that the 3,000 troops President Obama is sending to West Africa to fight Ebola will return infected and spread the disease at home. So presume Gohmert will now be one of the first to call for a quarantine of Texas.

Still a longshot. But if both ‪#‎Dodgers‬ and ‪#‎SFGiants‬ advance expect to see the ‪#‎MadBum‬ ‪#‎Puig‬ confrontation on TV ads a few hundred times.

 

Finally, all this frenzy over a possible epidemic in the U.S. And yes, there IS a contagious disease that will kill thousands of people this year including children. It’s called influenza. Forget Ebola for a while. Get your flu shot.

It’s not over….

October 1, 2014

At least three more games for the SF Giants in 2014. And this picture from 1992. When we thought the SF Giants might start the 1993 season in Tampa.

 

The little boy, for the uninitiated, is Brandon Crawford.

 

brandon

 

Brandon Crawford’s sister is actually dating another MLB player.  A member of the Pittsburgh Pirates. #Thanksgiving  #awkward

 

Liked baseball as a left-handed little kid, fell in love with baseball in the 1968 World Series. Mickey Lolich, 3 complete games. Tonight Madison Bumgarner channeled Lolich. But skinnier. And a better hitter.. ‪#‎leftiesrule‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

ESPN reported that Brandon Crawford’s grand slam was the first ever by a shortstop in the postseason. And speaking of shortstops, will this be the cue for another Derek Jeter retrospective?

Donald Trump is on another Ebola rampage with the first case in the U.S., tweeting “how dumb was our President to send thousands of poorly trained and ill-equipped soldiers over to West Africa to fight Ebola. Stop all flights.”And saying we must “immediately institute strong travel restrictions or Ebola will be all over the United States-a plague like no other.”

 

Alas, Ebola is far less dangerous for Americans than Donald Trump.

Have to wonder, how many Americans who are freaking out over ‪#‎Ebola‬ are also anti-vaccine.

So the man infected with Ebola told an emergency room nurse days before he became REALLY sick, that he’d been in Liberia. And it didn’t set off any alarms. Once again, proving all the precautions in the world ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬.

 

So if we really want to contain ‪#‎Ebola‬ can we just quarantine the state of ‪#‎Texas‬? ‪#‎twobirdsonestone‬

In the Arizona Fall League. baseball will test eliminating actual pitches during intentional walks, with the idea of maybe trying it in the majors. And the ‪#‎SFGIants‬ Pablo Sandoval is thinking, hey, those are hittable pitches.

Michael Phelps was clocked at 85 MPH when he was arrested. Here’s one way to fix some of these driving issues for athletes: Make the only car they are allowed to drive be a Prius. Those things can’t get up to 85 MPH.

Tom Brady just said of his team “We don’t have the kind of offense that’s going to perform at a high level.” And Patriots fans are thinking “What was your first clue?”

Wow. A jury found Michael Dunn guilty of first-degree murder today for the “loud music” 2012 shooting death of 17-year-old Jordan Davis. Not often I type these words, but “Nicely done, Florida.”

From T.C. “North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has been hospitalized with two broken ankles, apparently from wearing heels and being overweight. When his ankle extension surgery is completed, he will be the same height as his buddy Dennis Rodman.”

Be careful what you wish for.

September 15, 2014

Before the Chargers’ game, Richard Sherman was bitching about Aaron Rodgers not throwing to receivers he covered: The Seattle CB said he “needed” the ball. SD QB Philip Rivers was 6-for-6 passing today for 60 yards while throwing to receivers Sherman was covering. ‪#‎Missionaccomplished‬.

 

Many 49ers fans who drove to tonight’s home opener were stuck for hours after the game. As opposed to the team, who apparently checked out after the third quarter. ‪#‎SF49ers‬.

 

Colin Kaepernick had an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for “inappropriate language.” Good thing fans couldn’t be heard talking to the television.

NFL Refs missed a SF delay of game that would have negated a 49ers TD, And missed Percy Harvey stepping out of bounds on his way to what was called a Seahawks TD.  And apparently messed up on a crucial time out call that cost the Jets a TD.  So where are all those replacement guys again?

Before today’s Dallas-Tennessee game today the Titans included the song “Fight Night” on their stadium warmup soundtrack. A song that includes the lyrics “Lil’ mamma, she keep looking at me (lil’ mama!) Im’a knock the p*ssy out like fight night. Hit it with the left Hit with the right Im’a knock the p*ssy out like fight night.”

Can’t imagine how the NFL gets the reputation for being tone deaf.

RGIII was injured in the first quarter of the Redskins-Jaguars game. Wonder if Washington will send Jacksonville a thank you note.

 

Greg Norman is recovering in a hospital after he nearly cut off his own hand in a chain saw accident. Apparently he had posted a picture of himself a week earlier holding that chain saw. “Time to trim the sea grapes today. Never ask someone to do something that you can do yourself.” Well, maybe not quite never.

As a New Orleans fan,  only good thing about Browns win over the Saints. At least maybe we don’t have to hear much about Johnny Manziel this year.

Texas Solicitor General Jonathan Mitchell has asked a federal appeals court to allow the state to enforce a “surgical standards” law that will close more than half of Texas’s abortion facilities. Mitchell says that “the vast majority of the state’s reproductive-age women will live within 150 miles” of the remaining clinics.

Wonder how Texas would feel about the vast majority of the state’s men living within 150 miles of pharmacies selling Viagra?

The Mets are out of the postseason, the Yankees are almost out, the Giants got solidly beaten and the Jets choked. So in New York they’re wondering “When does the Knicks preseason start?”

No comment needed. From a Baseball Hall of Fame book from 2000, with last two pages “Return to the Glory Days. The last paragraph was about 1998. “The Yankees proved that this isn’t about money, but instead about commitment, pride and joy. That is the lesson that the Yankees, McGwire and Sosa taught America- and the world – in 1998. And that is exactly what baseball fans needed to see.”

 

 

 

As of midnight, Yahoo still has a “spoiler alert” on their story about the new Miss America? Really? So they think there are people who care enough to have recorded the pageant and still don’t know the winner.

By the numbers.

September 13, 2014

Virginia Tech, who upset Ohio State last week, today lost to Eastern Carolina. Just thinking if you are a Big Ten fan, might be safe to make vacation plans during the BCS playoffs.

In tonight’s UCLA-Texas football game, UCLA won the coin toss, and elected to defer. But then Texas chose to kick off. So the Bruins got the ball to start BOTH halves. Texas edukation at its finest.

To be fair, maybe the Longhorns wanted to receive in the third half?

Just to put things in perspective, BC, with a 37 to 31 win tonight over USC, was inside the Trojan 35 yard line 7 times. 2 times LESS than Stanford last week.

Unlike Stanford, Boston College decided not to use the 30 yard line to go into their prevent offense.

Although today, Army was shut out by ‪#‎Stanford‬ 35 to 0.   Clearly this is Commander in Chief Obama’s fault.

More “stuff” you cannot make up. Newt Gingrich has now signed the “Family Leader” group’s “Marriage Vow,” which includes a “pledge to uphold the institution of marriage through personal fidelity to my spouse and respect for the marital bonds of others.” So Newt will not cheat on Calista, the third wife he cheated with when he was married to his second wife, with whom he cheated with on this first wife….

 

Dan Snyder said of Roger Goodell- “We are fortunate to have him as our Commissioner. The entire Washington Redskins organization strongly endorses his efforts…” Well, yeah, no sh*t. With Goodell lately, the Redskins name drama has been knocked completely off the front page.

 

 

Some statements don’t even need a punchline: This advice to Ray Rice “To Ray, or anybody else… It’s all about how you control yourself.” From Chris Brown.

Taylor Swift is now saying “I didn’t really love any of my exes’ So how long until she turns that sentiment into a song?

New MLB slogan: When we suspend players, it’s because they only illegally hit baseballs.

 

So police were called to that brawl involving the Palins, and the family was asked to leave. No arrests have been made but the investigation is ongoing as apparently it was a “verbal and physical altercation” Guess it’s not just the President Sarah means when she says “Charge in, strike hard, get out. Win.”

 

 

 

The average space between airline seats in 1990 was about 34-36 inches, now it’s more like 30-32. Well, it’s a good thing that Americans are getting smaller too…. Oops, never mind.

 

Police detained a man on a Southwest plane in Seattle because on 9/11 other passengers noticed he was using names for his wi-fi hot spot like “Southwest – Bomb on Board.” and “The Bomb is on this Seat.” Then something about the flight attendant being hot. No word on charges, but figure they should include felony stupidity.

All the commissioner’s men?

September 10, 2014

40 + years after Watergate and folks still haven’t figured out, coverups are almost always worse than the crime. From the AP: ” A law enforcement official says he sent a video of Ray Rice punching his then-fiancee to an NFL executive three months ago, while league officers have insisted they didn’t see the violent images until this week. The person played The Associated Press a 12-second voicemail from an NFL office number on April 9 confirming the video arrived. A female voice expresses thanks and says: “You’re right. It’s terrible.”

This #RayRice #Goodell mess shows what comes of allowing openly heterosexual men in the #NFL

So the NFL may soon be looking for a new toady to do the owners’ bidding at all times. “I’m available soon” said Bud Selig.

Roger Goodell says his job is not on the line. Because the NFL commissioner doesn’t think there is any video of him looking at the Ray Rice elevator video?

Got to love targeted ads. I’ve been posting enough on Ray Rice that now I’m getting Facebook ads about men who are looking for girlfriends…..

 

 

Scotland is voting on declaring independence from the United Kingdom next week. Whether it works or not maybe someone can give the instructions for such a referendum to Texas Governor Rick Perry.

Jeremy Lin apparently pranked people last month at Madame Tussaud’s by pretending to be a wax statue. Even so Lin looked more mobile than James Harden.

 

Five casinos in Atlantic City have closed or are planning to close by November of this year. And today Chris Christie announced he will issue a directive to allow sports betting in New Jersey. And they say President Obama is slow to react in a crisis.

 

The former Senior VP for ticket sales for the NY Mets is suing co-owner Jeff Wilpon of discriminating against her because she was having a baby without being married. But really, what was she thinking? That kind of behavior should be reserved for the players

A new study links benzodiazepines like Xanax and Valium with dementia. Great, one more thing to feel anxious about.

Budweiser is apparently testing a new campaign to allow people to send vouchers for free Bud Light on Facebook. Cool, now when people get in heated arguments on threads, they can be drunk too.

 

Justin Bieber stripped down to his underwear during a NY Fashion Week event, to boos and some cheers. The cheers presumably were “Put it on, put it on, put it ALL back on.”

 

 

Wow. Client asks me for the latest flight of the day out of D.C. to her chosen destination. I suggest a flight at 729p. She says, great, but is there a later flight in case I miss it? #facepalm

 

 

Arnold Schwarzenegger Monday at his portrait unveiling in Sacramento. “I didn’t accomplish everything I wanted to do in office.” Everything or everyone?

Johnny Come Lately

August 17, 2014

Cleveland Browns’ QB Johnny Manziel said he was late for a team meeting last week because he misread a change in the schedule. Good thing Manziel doesn’t have to read anything complicated for his job, like a playbook.

 

Der Spiegel, a German magazine is reporting that Germany’s foreign intelligence agency eavesdropped on calls by John Kerry and Hillary Clinton. At this point does anyone think we’re not all spying on each other?

 

Westboro Baptist Church is apparently planning a protest outside Robin Williams’ funeral. Where is Kiss’s Gene Simmons when you really need him?

 

 

Rumors are that Beyonce and Jay Z are heading toward divorce. What’s really scary? More Americans are better informed on this possible split than they are about things like Ebola and ISIS/ISIL.

So it’s “news” that Jessa Duggar is engaged. She’s a “star” on “19 and counting.” Wonder if Andy Warhol figured that someday you’d get more than 15 minutes because your parents decided to have a litter

-.

A pregnant Texas woman was focused on registering her son for pre-kindergarten that she ended up delivering her fourth child at the school. Wonder if she pre-registered the new baby while she was at it?

The worst thing about Texas Governor #RickPerry being indicted: Molly Ivins isn’t still alive to write about it.

A 16 year old Virginia girl is in stable condition after being shot by her father, a sheriff’s deputy who mistook her for an intruder. So how do you stop a good guy with a gun?

Coach Brian Kelly expressed “shock” and disappointment” over the Notre Dame football academic scandal. Shock and disappointment over the cheating, or the getting caught?

From Stewart Mandel’s column on the academic suspensions at Notre Dame – “the investigation is still unfolding and could prove much uglier….The school felt compelled to notify the NCAA and has already acknowledged the possibility of having to vacate wins from previous seasons.” So could Stanford end up finally winning that 2012 game where Stepfan Taylor should have had a TD?

The Detroit Tigers gave away 10,000 Miguel Cabrera bobbleheads last night. Which celebrated him as the NL MVP. Well, at least the bobblehead didn’t refer to him as Melky Cabrera….

Time for the Church of Baseball?

July 29, 2014

Forget all these minor league players the #SFGiants are using to try to right the ship. Is Susan Sarandon busy? #bulldurham

#SFGiants fans doing the wave? Is this a competition to see if folks in the stands can be as embarrassing as team on the field?

With so many teams thinking they have a chance for a Wild Card, there’s a lot less action around the July 31 MLB trade deadline. Of course, if baseball wanted more media attention, they’d figure out a way to get Lebron James involved in some of these decisions.

With the trade deadline approaching, players’ families on non-contending teams are anxiously awaiting possible moves. Which means in late July with the Cubs, most wives have real estate agents on speed dial.

Donald Trump just said he won’t do anything ‘totally stupid’ in his bid to buy NFL’s Buffalo Bills. Why stop now?

FSU will use GPS tracking devices on their football team this season during games. The school wants to monitor and track different analytics to prevent injuries. Tallahassee police presumably wonder if the players can keep them on 24-7?

A new study found that more than 35 % of Americans have debts in collection. And Texas cities have some of the largest shares of their populations being reported to collection agencies: Dallas (44.3 %); El Paso (44.4 %), Houston (43.7 %), McAllen (51% and San Antonio (44%). Heck of a Texas Miracle, Rick Perry.

Not the NFL.  Apparently #ESPN actually worries about losing their female audience.. Steven A. Smith was suspended 5 shows for his comments…., more than #RayRice.

Almost as creative as “Witness for the Prosecution.” Lawyers for former Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell and his wife Maureen McDonnell, on trial for corruption, are claiming that the couple couldn’t have conspired together, because they weren’t speaking to each other at the time.

Robert McDonald, a former Army officer and corporate CEO was confirmed today as the new Veterans Affairs secretary by a 97-0 vote. 97-0?! And Obama nominated him? Where was the Ted Cruz filibuster?.

Apparently Oakland Raiders owner Mark Davis has had preliminary talks with local officials about moving the team to San Antonio. Guess with just having the Spurs in town, the city feels in need of a sports train wreck?

Passengers on a three-hour Boston Harbor whale watching tour were stuck on the boat overnight when it got entangled in the line attached to a lobster pot. Were there warning signs? Like two names on the manifest being “The Professor” and “Mary Ann?”

It’s getting bad in Baltimore. The next Ravens’ arrest may be for impersonating a member of the Cincinnati Bengals.

From Alex Kaseberg.   “The Baltimore Ravens have had five arrests in the off-season. It is so bad, “Netflix” is making a series about the Ravens called: “Orange is the New Purple and Black.”

Rangers catcher J.P. #Arencibia had 7 RBI’s tonight. One more than #SFGiants have had in last six games combined.

If the shoe hits?

April 12, 2014

The woman who killed her boyfriend with a stiletto heel has been sentenced to life in prison. Any possibility of parole will no doubt contain the condition of wearing flats.

Notre Dame has finally decided to install artificial Fieldturf in their football stadium for the upcoming season.. Standby for alums writing op-eds about how the Fighting Irish now have the best artificial turf ever.

The Tampa Bay Lightning’s Ryan Malone was arrested early Saturday morning on charges of DUI and possession of cocaine. Who says hockey players aren’t big time pro athletes?

 

The Texas judge who decided to put the “affluenza” teen in rehab instead of jail, decided his parents should pay $1170 a month for his treatment at a state hospital, using the hospital’s sliding scale. The actual cost, $715 a day. The state will pay the rest. Where’s Ted Cruz screaming about healthcare costs to taxpayers on this one?

 

Chad Johnson is working out for the CFL Montreal Alouettes. Will he change his name to “Quatre-vingt cinq?”

 

Although the Boston Red Sox challenged a call Saturday, and multiple replays showed the NY runner had taken his foot off second base and should have been out, the umps did not overturn it. MLB’s response “The conclusive angle was not immediately available.” Uh, two thoughts. 1. What’s the point if you DON’T have the “conclusive angle available.” 2. Suppose it’s better than saying. “You REALLY expect us to overturn a call against the Yankees?”

Sylvia Mathews Burwell was approved by a 96-0 vote in the Senate last year as the Office of Management and Budget director. But now many in the GOP are talking about a contentious confirmation process for her as HHS Secretary. Why? Because Obama chose her, of course. Isn’t that reason enough?

Ted Cruz said Sylvia Mathews Burwell’s confirmation hearing “presents an ideal opportunity to examine the failures that are Obamacare.” With all due respect, Senator Cruz thinks getting up in the morning presents an ideal opportunity to example the “failures” that are Obamacare.

 

 

The search goes on, but the pings have apparently faded in the Indian Ocean as the search for MH 370. Which is probably why amongst the CNN headlines today was “Hundreds sickened on cruise ships .”

From Bill Littlejohn:  “One man at the Masters saw Rory McIlroy’s face  in a pastry and bet $1,600 on the golfer.   It’s also one of the few times John Daly’s face wasn’t seen in a pastry”