Posted tagged ‘Janice Hough’
August 17, 2015
Robert Griffin III just said, “I feel like I’m the best quarterback in the league, and I have to go out and show that.” With all due respect, RGIII first needs to show he’s the best QB on the Redskins.
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New description of the GOP primary, as most of the candidates, including Carly Fiorina, seem to be trying to out macho each other – “Running of the Bullsh*t.”
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KFC is switching the actor playing Colonel Sanders from SNL alum Darrell Hammond to SNL alum Norm Macdonald. Uh, just my opinion, it’s not the actor that’s the problem. #ColonelSandersandGeneralissmoFrancisoFrancoarestilldead
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Jon Stewart will apparently be the host of Sunday’s WWE SummerSlam. If this goes well, maybe Stewart take on some REAL spectacle fighting, like one of the Presidential debates.
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United Airlines is going to change their United Club policy next year so that passengers can only enter with same-day boarding passes. Wonderful news for all those who have meetings with colleagues who have taken red-eye flights and will no longer be able to shower on arrival.
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Even if it makes it harder to build a potential new stadium, Washington Redskins president Bruce Allen said that the team will not change its name. Many are wondering, could they at least take “Washington” off?
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Todd Courser, the Michigan lawmaker who faked allegations of gay sex with a prostitute to cover up an affair with colleague, has posted a nearly 2000 word scripture-filled statement on his FB page.
And he talks about how men have come forward to confess their own “failures in fidelity” to him, adding ‘several have come forward to share their pain for participating in/and addicted to pornography and what that has wrought in themselves and their families. And finally a couple have come forward to express their guilt and shame for being faith filled but struggling with how to reconcile that with having homosexual tendencies and trying to reconcile that with their faith”
At this point even God somewhere is thinking “Just STFU.”
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Christine Ouzounian, the ex-nanny whose rumored affair with Ben Affleck reportedly was the final straw in his marriage to Jennifer Garner , apparently is interested in becoming the next “Bachelorette.” Is her goal to prove a woman can end up as universally disliked as Juan Pablo. #itsokay
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Greg Oden, the 2007 #1 NBA draft pick, has signed with the Jiangsu Dragons of Chinese league. Could be a good fit. The Chinese are taught to respect their elders.
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MadisonBumgarner at the plate at AT&T Park in 2014-15. .304 batting average, .714 slugging percentage, 7 home runs. #DHmyass #SFGiants
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My friend Scott Russell forwarded me this from Boston: Pablo Sandoval sat out Sunday’s game with a sore elbow after he was hit by a pitch Saturday. Acting Red Sox manager Torey Lovullo: “He’s such a finely tuned athete. Those are the types of bodies we’re dealing with here. When something is a little off, we’re making sure he takes his time to get it OK before he gets back in there.”
And Lovullo said it with a straight face.
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Tennis champ Novak Djokovic won the Montreal Masters despite complaining to the umpire “Someone is smoking weed, I can smell it, I’m getting dizzy.” Well, as great a player as Djokovic is, he has never been at his very best on grass.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline joke, GOP debate joke, Janice Hough, Jon Stewart jokes, KFC jokes, RGIII jokes, Todd Courser jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 16, 2015
Biggest problem right now for SF Giants manager with Madison Bumgarner? Getting his ace left hander to shut up about possibly pinch hitting.
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Yeah, so Zack Greinke pitched 7 innings of 1 run baseball w/ home run. Madison Bumgarner just called & raised him. Shutout, home run & RBI double.
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So Madison Bumgarner’s worst outing of the year was in Washington, D.C., July 4, when he allowed six runs in five innings against the Nats. Think Madbum was just a bit p*ssed off when he took the mound today?
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Madison Bumgarner has four home runs for the year. And in the SF Giants broadcast booth Duane Kuiper is trying not to cry.
(for non baseball fans. Kuiper had a 12 year career in MLB – one home run. Total.)
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Costumed characters hustling for tips in Times Square have become a New York tradition. The newest trend, near-naked women wearing only thongs and red, white and blue body paint. Wonder how many fathers are volunteering to do reconnaissance missions to make sure the area hasn’t become too inappropriate for children
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Oscar Pistorius will be released from jail this week after serving 10 months for killing his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp. Even Los Angeles juries are thinking he got off easy.
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Tim Tebow is back. But don’t laugh. At this point he’s still a more realistic potential NFL quarterback than Donald Trump is a realistic potential President.
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So Trump is going to pay for a border wall by taxing all Mexican visitors to the U.S.? And what exactly is he going to do with all those crazies from Canada, eh?
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Freshman QB Ricky Town. who had verbally committed to Alabama but decided to go to USC after the Trojans hired Steve Sarkisian, is transferring to another school. Apparently ,while highly touted, Town didn’t turn out to be the best freshman QB in spring camp.
So Karma is either a Crimson Tide fan, or just in mean bitch mode.
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The Cubs lost today. But before the game Chicago manager Joe Maddon said he wasn’t changing his socks during the team’s 9 game win streak. Maybe the superstition helped. But at least it probably assured Maddon had a row to himself on the team plane
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How often does a golfer go -17 for a major tournament and end up in 2nd place? #JordanSpieth #JasonDay #PGA
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Donald Trump said that illegal immigrants in this country “have to go.” Wait…. does Trump have a visa for that furry thing that lives on his head?
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Brewers manager Craig Counsell and players told a Milwaukee paper that if now openly gay David Denson, now playing for the team’s rookie league, makes it to the big leagues, he will be welcome.
Bringing to mind the great quote from Willie Mays, who when asked a few years ago if a gay player would be welcome in a major league clubhouse, simply responded “Can he hit?”
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San Diego gave QB Philip Rivers a $65 million guaranteed contract. The Chargers are throwing money around like they’re a Los Angeles team already.
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Mike Huckabee says he supports Paraguay’s decision to deny a 10 year old rape victim an abortion. “Let’s not compound a tragedy by taking yet another life.” And of course that poor girl should have government assistance and health care including mental health care so her own life isn’t ruined…. Oh wait, government dependency should end at birth.
I believe the British have the correct term here – “f*ckwit.”
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From T.C “The Guinness Book of World Records is reporting that the world’s oldest cat is age 26, named Corduroy and lives in Sisters, Oregon. Skeptics call BS, and say it’s all just a ploy to get a dentist out of hiding.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Los Angeles jokes, madison bumgarner jokes, SF Giants jokes, Tebow jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 15, 2015
If you ever doubted that even those who are really good at their jobs can have a bad day at work, I give you this pitching line: 2.1 innings, 12 hits, 10 earned runs.-
the stats are Saturday’s from Seattle’s Felix Hernandez.
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Oops. A New York thief got the idea to sneak under the electronic security gate as the owner was closing a liquor store. He got a couple thousand dollars, some booze, and locked in until cops showed up as the door didn’t open from the inside.#cantfixstupid
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The Yankees-Blue Jays have 9 more meetings down the stretch. But who expected the winner of the AL East might be decided by which one of them is lucky enough to have more games against the Red Sox.
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A Missouri couple brought a boa constrictor into a restaurant and claimed it was a service animal. Although the law is very clear, service animals can be dogs only. Bad news for some Floridians with service gators?
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Donald Trump arrived today at the Iowa State Fair. Brave of him. You never know a that fair when someone might try to fry that furry thing that lives on his head and put it on a stick.
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Trump also says he is willing to spend’ $1 billion on his presidential campaign. Is this all part of Trump’s full employment program – no campaign consultant left behind?
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In Sunnyvale, California, police shot and killed a man, who was allegedly carrying guns tonight outside a Motel Six. The Motel has been offering nightly rates of $99. Guessing that fewer locals are shocked by the shooting than the fact that in Silicon Valley there are places you can stay for under $100 a night.
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Saw that Saints RB C.J.Spiller had knee surgery Friday. Then “He is expected to be back for the New Orleans season opener Sept 13. Knee surgery. Less than a month. #thetimestheyareachangin
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Dan Uggla got his SF Giants World Series ring last night. In four 2014 games, Uggla went 0 for 12 with six strikeouts, a run scored and a walk, plus three errors at second. On the other hand, Uggla made one very big contribution to the Giants; he sucked enough that they gave a chance to Joe Panik.
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Florida jokes, Janice Hough, New York jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 14, 2015
John Kerry, at a ceremony raising the U.S. flag in Havana. “We remain convinced the people of Cuba would be best served by a genuine democracy,” Great, and if it works out in Cuba, maybe we can aim for that in the USA?
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Central New Jersey was hit by a 2.7 earthquake this morning. It would, of course, be uncharitable to suggest the quake was caused by Governor Chris Christie rushing to a campaign event.
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Sources are apparently telling the media that Geno Smith was taunting his now ex-teammate before Enemkpali punched him. “I am shocked,” said no one who follows the Jets. #samecircusdifferentmonkeys
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Marcus Mariota had an interception and fumble in his first two drives in the NFL pre-season. Is he angling to get traded to the Jets?
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Summer in New York, when many, including the media, have left the city for at least the weekend. So if Trump speaks and there is no one around to hear him, is he still wrong?
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A dad is in jail after taking his 16-year old daughter and her 17-year-old friend to a strip club, where apparently they drank, snorted coke and pole-danced. Do I even need to say this happened in Florida?
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Florida State is implementing a mandatory course in social responsibilities for the school’s student-athletes. Next, will the school figure out how to make attendance any more mandatory than for other student-athlete courses?
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Boston Red Sox manager John Farrell announced today will take a medical leave because he has Hodgkin’s lymphoma, but that it is “very treatable and curable.” Unlike the play of his team.
(seriously, all best wishes to Farrell. Fortunately they do appear to have caught the cancer at stage 1.)
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Hillary Clinton has a plan to make college more affordable. Not surprisingly the GOP is against it. Why, the plan might result in more people being able to read.
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At Cedar Point amusement park in Ohio, a man was killed by a roller coaster after he lost his cellphone on the ride and jumped a fence into a restricted area to retrieve it. New warning signs coming “Don’t text and ride.” #cantfixstupid #butyoucanburystupid
(and the thing that solidifies this guy’s Darwin award, he was a teacher.)
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A gun store and shooting range in a small Oklahoma town has started advertising themselves as “Muslim-free.” Well, makes some sense because we all remember the worst terrorist in Oklahoma history was a Muslim…. Oh wait, never mind.
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#Apple is reportedly working on a self-driving car. As long as it doesn’t use Apple maps.
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Donald Trump will report for jury duty next week. But the Donald will probably be dismissed when he claims he is the sole caretaker for that fuzzy thing who lives on his head.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Chris Christie jokes, Cuba jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
August 13, 2015
Sesame Street is moving to HBO. So the show will now be brought to you by the letter $.
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The outlet mall in Livermore, California is expanding and has renamed itself “San Francisco Premium Outlets.” Well, at about 45 miles from the city it’s no further away than the “SF” 49ers.
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Carly Fiorina is going to solve the maternity leave problem in the U.S! In her own words by making the economy “so strong that employers are forced to compete for workers by offering better salaries, better leave policies, more time off, and good benefits.”
And no doubt many of those workers will be with military contractors developing flying pigs.
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The A’s are having Mark McGwire bobblehead night next Tuesday. Does it come in two sizes, “before” and “after”?
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Vernon Adams finally completed his undergraduate degree from Eastern Washington so he can play this fall for Oregon. The Ducks’ expected starting QB passed the final exam today on his second attempt for a math class.
And down in the SEC they’re going “math class?”
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IK Enemkpali has a job in the NFL, Junior Galette has a job in the NFL Greg Hardy has a job in the NFL… Anyone but me thinking that with Ray Rice, who at least does appear to have learned something, the issue isn’t that elevator punch but the step or two he’s lost as a running back?
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The court sketch artist who drew an unflattering picture of Tom Brady now says she is being “cyber-bullied” by Patriots fans. Okay, if you REALLY care about a courtroom sketch to the point of harassing the artist, you probably have too much time on your hands.
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Frontier Airlines is getting rid of their toll-free numbers. Wonder which airline will decide to go them one better by getting rid of phone numbers period?
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Uh, #ESPN, at this point isn’t “Tiger Struggling” redundant? #TigerWoods #PGA
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A NASA climatologist says that this winter “has the potential of being the Godzilla El Niño,” Bill Patzert, a climatologist with NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory.” Great, so Californians can deal with a drought and flooding at the same time.
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So Buzzfeed is reporting that Al Gore is at least thinking of entering the 2016 Presidential race now. Well, heck, let’s run him against Mitt Romney. “I’ll take two politicians most people just want to go away for $1000, Alex.”
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Wisconsin men’s basketball coach Bo Ryan announced in June that he would retire after the 2015-16 season. Now he says “I’m not totally sure, ” and adds that the AD “said I could change my mind at any time.”
“Atta boy,” said Brett Favre.
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Next stop, the Supremes? A Colorado court has ruled that a baker who refused to make a wedding cake for a gay couple cannot use his Christian beliefs as a defense. You know, I would have a lot more sympathy for these religious folks if they also made an effort not to bake cakes for couples who live together before marriage, or who met while one was already married, etc.
From T.C. “MetLife Stadium has gone totally wireless, except one QB’s jaw.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: carly fiorinia jokes, election jokes, football jokes, Gore jokes, Janice Hough, Oregon jokes, San Francisco jokes, Sesame Street jokes, Tom Brady jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 12, 2015
In an effort to conserve water, Los Angeles poured almost 100,000 four-inch black plastic “shade” balls over their reservoir. So the city doesn’t have the Raiders yet, but the “black hole” is ready
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This Donald Trump-Megyn Kelly back and forth bickering is getting so bad, you’d think they used to be married to each other.
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So since Fox News got such kudos for the tough questions at the first GOP debate, clearly the pressure is on CNN for October with the Democrats. And since he’s not doing anything, can I suggest as a moderator Jon Stewart?
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Billy Joel, 66, and his wife Alexa, 33, have welcomed their first child, Della Rose. Wonder how long until Billy and Della can compete in their first father-daughter diaper derby.
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Uzbekistan Airways says they will start weighing passengers at the airport, and on some flights they may need to “exclude” larger passengers. U.S airlines are no doubt studying the idea, not to exclude heavier travelers but to charge them extra.
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Not that it affects me anymore, but what is this “back-to-school” crap in mid-August? Used to be Labor Day. Seems un-American to make kids go to class in the summer. #justsayin
Donald Trump said that when Bernie Sanders let #BlackLivesMatter protesters take his microphone that Sanders “showed that he’s weak.” As opposed to the Donald himself whose mantra is simply #MyLifeMatters.
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The Buffalo Bills have claimed IK Enemkpali off waivers after he was released by the Jets for punching Geno Smith. Guess coach Rex Ryan just wants to make sure he has one defender who can hit?
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An ESPN poll of more than 100 currently players found that 72% believe that Brady and the Patriots deflated footballs, but only 58% DON’T believe the Patriots cheat. Translation, sounds like there are a lot of teams messing with balls.
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An SF 49ers season ticket holder is suing the team over a new policy which makes it harder on fans trying to sell unused tickets by requiring most sales to go through Ticketmaster.
Wonder how long it might take for 49ers season ticket holder to sue the team over it being harder to sell unused tickets because of the product on the field.
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Major layoffs have started with the Kraft-Heinz merger. Hope Heinz 57 isn’t a goal for remaining number of employees.
Seriously hoping for the best for #JimmyCarter.. Absolutely our best ex-president. No joke.
Lots of accolades for former President Jimmy Carter today after his cancer announcement. But for those who just think Habitat for Humanity and vague do-good human rights stuff, four words – google “Carter guinea worm.”
From Bill Littlejohn, “So now, we have a wild controversy involving Donald Trump and Megyn Kelly of Fox News.With all of that hairspray involved, shouldn’t the NFL also be investigating a helmet-to-helmet collision.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Billy joel jokes, Fox News jokes, Janice Hough, Los Angeles jokes, Megyn Kelly jokes, NFL jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
August 11, 2015
Scientists have found possible marijuana residue in William Shakespeare’s pipes. So maybe what the playwright meant to write was “Doobie or not doobie?”
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You REALLY cannot make this “stuff” up: Geno Smith will be out 10 weeks with a broken jaw after he was punched by a NY Jets teammate?! #thecircushascometotown
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Ah nostalgia. Remember the days when NY Jets fans were worried that Tim Tebow was going to be their biggest quarterback distraction?
Happiest people over the Jets’ releasing Ikemefuna Enemkpali for breaking Geno Smith’s jaw? New York copy editors who no longer have to spell Ikemefuna Enemkpali
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Could have been worse #49ers fans, at least #AldonSmith didn’t punch #ColinKaepernick on his way out.
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Bus to hell time. SF Chronicle headline “Homicide eyed in mysterious San Francisco dismembered body case.” Well, sure doesn’t seem likely it was suicide.
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Eagles fans have started a petition for the Pope to bless Sam Bradford’s knees when he visits Philadelphia this September. Because asking for a miracle cure for the Phillies is above even a Papal pay grade?
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The DOT says that passengers have filed 20% more complaints against U.S. airlines in 2015. The numbers might be higher if travelers were able to access the internet while they are in their seats stuck on the tarmac.
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Give Donald Trump credit for one huge achievement. He made a blonde woman from Fox one of the most respected news people in the country.
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A young Trump supporter in Texas referred to the Donald as “the Kanye West of politics.” More like “the Kimye of politics”. With Trump you get both Kanye’s ego along with a big ass.
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A mother was arrested for allegedly leaving her kids in car while she drank in a bar. Now police say she had her son, 4, blow into the breathalyzer to start the car. Thinking enough to be that creative but not thinking enough to call a babysitter and a cab? Even by Florida standards this is impressive. #cantfixstupid
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The DOT says that passengers have filed 20% more complaints against U.S. airlines in 2015. The numbers might be higher if travelers were able to access the internet while they are in their seats stuck on the tarmac.
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11pm on a weeknight. Time to switch to Comedy Cellar for my Jon Stewart fix…… #sayitaintso
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: geno smith jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, NY Jets jokes, shakespeare joke, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 10, 2015
You REALLY cannot make this “stuff” up. Now Michigan State Rep. Todd Courser, who allegedly tried to cover up an affair by sending a fake email accusing himself of paying a male prostitute, is saying he will not resign. Courser says he will stay on to expose “political shenanigans” in the Capitol, that he only sent the email because he was being blackmailed, and that the Lansing “mafia” establishment is out to get him.
This guy is delusional enough you have to wonder if his next step is to declare for the 2016 GOP Presidential nomination.
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A man who was arrested 2 weeks ago for joy-riding on a jail lawn was arrested again today, for doing the same thing, on the same lawn. Do I even have to write that this is a Florida story? #cantfixstupid
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Meanwhile, a reporter asked Andrew Luck who his fastest teammate was, and the Colts QB responded “That’s like asking a parent who their favorite kid is.” These Stanford kids aren’t stupid.
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Leaving aside issues like actually running the country, anyone but me think you could make serious pay-per-view money on a Bernie Sanders-Donald Trump debate?
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The younger generation may not understand all the tributes pouring in for Frank Gifford, who started with Howard Cosell and Don Meredith on Monday Night Football in 1971. Mostly because these days it’s hard to imagine only one night a week for NFL football.
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Yellowstone rangers have captured a bear that allegedly killed a hiker Friday. They will do DNA tests, and if they get positive identification, “she will be euthanized because of the facts that she was feeding on the person.”
Makes some sense as a predatory bear is dangerous, but, hey, unlike some human hunters at least she was actually eating what she killed.
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The Red Sox have announced that closer Koji Uehara has fractured his wrist and will miss the rest of the season. Well, not like Boston was giving him many games to close anyway.
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Okay, Donald Trump is an ass, and insults women. Got it. Meanwhile other GOP candidates, yes, I am talking about you Scott Walker and Marco Rubio, won’t even declare they would allow abortions to save the life of the mother. #priorities?
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Oops, Disney Japan attempted to send out a “Merry Unbirthday” tweet from Alice in Wonderland, and managed to translate it as “Congratulations on your not special day.” This on the anniversary of the atom bomb being dropped on Nagasaki.
Sounds like a Mickey Mouse translating operation.
#Cantfixstupid, California division.
The SF Chronicle reported San Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi’s driver’s license has been suspended since February after he didn’t notify the DMV about a non-injury car accident he was involved in last October. And the newspaper says as of today, he “Mirkarami still had neither filed the required accident report nor provided proof of insurance as required under law, state records show. He had also not paid the $55 fee to regain his full driving privileges, the records show.”
And why should he know the laws? He’s only the sheriff.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Bernie Sanders jokes, Frank Gifford jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Red Sox jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 9, 2015
After the Pittsburgh Pirates scored 9 runs in the 7th inning against the Dodgers bullpen, beginning to look like biggest competition between SF and LA in October might be over best airline/hotel rates for a vacation in Hawaii.
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Seventeen GOP candidates running for President. And after last Thursday’s debates a lot of Americans are thinking “can’t we have a few more choices?”
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Carly Fiorina talking about being a supporter of women’s rights makes as much sense as Bristol Palin being an abstinence spokeswoman.
And Carly Fiorina said today she opposes mandatory paid maternity leave. Proving again that the only women’s rights Fiorina really supports are her own.
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Thinking if Donald Trump really wants to attract independent voters, he’d lay off Megyn Kelly and start going after Ann Coulter.
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New NBC GOP Presidential primary poll: Trump – 23%, Carson – 11%, Fiorina and Rubio 8% each. I’ll take “Four people who will never be President for $800, Alex.”
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#WrigleyField was just evacuated after a bomb threat. Fortunately the threat turned out to be as nonexistent as today’s #SFGiants offense.
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At Yankee Stadium, a fan threw a home run ball from Toronto’s Jose Bautista back onto the field and it hit NY outfielder Brett Gardner. Gardner was uninjured. These days the way things are going for SF Giants – three starters injured on a 10 game road trip, had one of their fans done the same thing, they’d have hit Pence and put him on the DL.
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#SFGiants didn’t get all the players they wanted at the trade deadline, and this odd year doesn’t look like their year. On the other ,hand, watching the Pirates score 9 runs in the 7th inning, 8 against Jim Johnson who the #Dodgers basically bought from the Braves by taking on contracts.. ah, #schadenfreude.
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But, Duane Kuiper saying that the #SFGiants caught a break with the weather on this Chicago trip. Thinking more of a break might have been to have had the entire series rained out.
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The Redskins and Texans ended up in a brawl after their three-day joint practice. Shame most Washington fans didn’t see it, might be the best hits their team will get in all year.
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So a #BlackLivesMatter group disrupted a Bernie Sanders event. Isn’t that like a White Supremacist group disrupting a GOP Presidential Debate? Or an anti-abortion group doing the same thing?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Dodgers jokes, Fiorina jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
August 5, 2015
There are now rumors that Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz is thinking of running for President. No word yet on a timetable, as Schultz knows it’s a venti decision.
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For SF Giants fans who really miss Pablo Sandoval, rookie Matt Duffy does have this cat. Skeeter. Not photoshopped. Maybe SF Giants fans need Skeeter hats?
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Shelby Tomlinson and Matt Duffy apparently were housemates at AA Richmond last year. The two of them together might have equaled one Panda.
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Kobe Bryant says the Lakers “absolutely” can make the playoffs this year. The NBA playoffs? Or the NCAA tournament?
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CVS says they will no longer include Viagra in its list of drug insurance benefits. The drugstore chain presumably thought it it wasn’t a hard decision.
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Bill GM Doug Whaley said that Buffalo is “almost in quarterback purgatory” because the team do not have a franchise quarterback. And Jets fans after the last few years are thinking “Hmm, purgatory is a step up from hell.”
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Some outrage over a hospital picture of Bobbi Kristina being on the cover of the National Enquirer. Alas probably the biggest outrage from competing media who didn’t get the photo.
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Whole Foods has pulled $5.99 bottles of “asparagus water” from the shelves of a store in California, saying the items were a mistake. Nope, the mistake would have been actually buying the water.
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So Carly Fiorina, despite being the only woman running for the GOP presidential nomination, is polling about 1% and will not be eligible for the first debate. 1%? Who knew most of the Republican electorate knows someone who worked at Hewlett Packard?
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Teachers unions are demanding an apology after Chris Christie said they deserve “a punch in the face.” In the N.J. Governor’s defense, maybe people will believe him if he says he was talking about punch and cookies.
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A U.S.Circuit Court of Appeals struck down a Texas law requiring residents to show ID before voting, saying it violates the Voting Rights Act. They’ll never please everyone, but maybe Texas could just write a law with the exact same requirements to vote as to buy a gun?
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So the man who was shot and killed by police in a Nashville theater after attacking patrons, apparently had only been able to obtain pepper spray, a hatchet, and an air gun. So where’s the NRA on this one? #Ifonlyhehadbeenarmed
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From Bill Littlejohn “Yasiel Puig credits videogames with helping to end his slump. Although fellow Dodgers are complaining about him flipping the joystick.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Chris Christie jokes, debate jokes, duffy jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Starbucks jokes, Viagra jokes, Whole Foods jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 2, 2015
San Francisco has put a substance on some walls that not only is urine-resistant, it shoots the liquid right back where it came from. Shame there isn’t some equivalent substance that would work on arrows with lions.
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Mixed stories today, though possible good news in the end? Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead. But Jericho the lion may still be alive.
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Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton has been indicted on multiple felony charges, following upon Gov. Rick Perry’s own indictment in 2014. If this keeps up, Illinois and Louisiana are going to be jealous.
Do I get points for gender equality if I am equally indifferent to MMA even if a woman like Ronda Rousey is involved?
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Boston Red Sox president and Larry Lucchino, whose contract was going to expire at the end of the year, is leaving the team. And season ticket holders are thinking “no fair, how come he gets to leave and we don’t?”
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Great that the Royals and Astros have been playing well enough to be buyers at the trade deadline. And not like most Americans knew any names on the teams anyway.
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Business Insider is reporting that Donald Trump has fired a senior adviser who published “many racist and otherwise offensive Facebook posts” So did the Donald fire the guy because he thought the posts were wrong, or because Trump didn’t like the competition.
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SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy used Angel Pagan as the DH and wouldn’t let Madison Bumgarner hit Friday night in Texas. Maybe that’s why Madbum had an off-night?
Meanwhile, on Saturday night, Giants pulled out a 9-7 win and made perhaps a few teams happy they didn’t give away the store to trade for Cole Hamels.
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In Ontario, Canada Saturday there was a “Bare With Us” rally about women’s right to go topless. And in the U.S. millions of men who might not be in favor of universal healthcare or gun control are thinking, maybe those Canadians are onto something.
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So, okay, I get the need for some hunting to “cull the herds” and I get eating what you kill, even I want no part of it personally.
But when these folks brag about their great kills – uh, let’s see, you have a gun, the animals have nothing. Not exactly a fair fight. #compensation?
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From Marc Ragovin “I beg your pardon. Did you just say Lynn Anderson died? (just another reason why I am going straight to hell)”
Well, you got to figure her funeral will be enough roses for a serious garden.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, jericho, lion jokes, Red Sox jokes, Texas jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 31, 2015
Rumors were flying that the SD Padres were negotiating with the Boston Red Sox over Pablo Sandoval. Guess that deal collapsed of its own weight?
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The Indians have traded relief pitcher Marc Rzepczynski to the Padres. Not sure how Cleveland fans feel about losing Rzepczynski, but Cleveland copy editors are ecstatic.
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Hottest accessory in MLB clubhouses tomorrow – badges saying “Hi, my name is….” #tradedeadline
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How rich are the Dodgers? They took on $42 million in payroll at the trade deadline for players they won’t even play, to get the players they do want. Who spends that kind of money to buy people you don’t even need. Outside of politics, that is.
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-Looks like #San DiegoPadres managed the trade deadline about as well as they’ve managed everything else this season.
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California, the birthplace of invention. The Palo Alto Daily Post reports a Redwood City, CA, man is suspected of shoplifting after he came out of a store restroom looking intoxicated, and an empty six pack was found inside.
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Fox has cancelled Ryan Seacrest’s new reality TV series “Knock Knock Live” Shocking. Ryan Secrest had a series named “Knock Knock Live.”
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Well this is going to be interesting. Ray Tensing, the University of Cincinnati cop who shot Samuel Dubose, has had his union file a grievance to get his job back, claiming he was unjustly fired. What’s going to be weirder, watching some conservatives support the union, or some liberals fight against them?
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Jim Harbaugh said in a press conference he’s just striving to coach the football team., and doesn’t want to be popular. Well, as Stanford and the 49ers can attest, Harbaugh should soon do a good job with both objectives
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WWE star pro wrestler Rowdy Roddy Piper, has died at the age of 61. Now, wrestling is NOT my thing. But, seriously, doing the math, this sport is worse for longevity than pro football. Time to look at what is causing it?
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As the calls go for Walter Palmer to be extradited to Zimbabwe over poaching charges, nice to know there are some U.S. lawyers who won’t touch this case. #bettertokillyyourgirlfriendthanalion
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So all these stores about Minnesota dentist Walter Palmer and Cecil the Lion keep on getting worse. Seriously, if you are some rich guy who just wants to prove how close you can get to a majestic beast, why not just buy an expensive camera?
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Palmer is so unpopular Donald Trump is looking at the dentist both as a possible running mate and assassination insurance.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: cecil jokes, Janice Hough, MLB jokes, palmer jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 30, 2015
The New York Mets‘ Wilmer Flores cried on the field Thursday night thinking he was traded. But social media turned out to be wrong. Wonder how many Phillies will cry Friday night realizing they HAVEN’T been traded.
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A day after they had their shortstop in tears over a trade that didn’t happen, the Mets blew a 6 run lead and had to sit through four hours of rain delays in losing to the Padres 8-7. Maybe God doesn’t like crying in baseball.
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Money money money money….. From the LA Times, with the trade of Hector Olivera, in 2015 alone, “the Dodgers would pay seven players — Olivera, Matt Kemp, Dan Haren, Dee Gordon, Brian Wilson, Brandon League and Ryan Webb — $80 million not to play for them. The Tampa Bay Rays had an opening-day payroll of $76 million”
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The LA Dodgers did get Mat Latos. Well, it’s a good fit. He will show up for his first pitching appearance at AT&T Park with a ready made booing section. #IhateSF #Theyhateyoutoo
Waiting for Mat Latos to say about his new team, we “went and changed our whole lineup, put guys with ‘Dodgers’ across their jerseys. Yeah, we did.”
(for those who don’t follow baseball, Latos complained loudly in 2010 that the SF Giants had made too many trades in their pursuit of his Padres. With almost the exact same words above. And then he went out and lost some very big games to SF.)
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Urban Meyer has suspended four players, including star DE Joey Bosa, for Ohio State’s first game against Virginia Tech, due to “violations of athletic department policy,” Wow. So Meyer figure out a way to wait to suspend them until the Buckeyes’ second game against Hawaii? The Hokies must not have much of a team this year.
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Looks like there may finally be some sad closure for MH 370. Over at CNN they’re trying not to be too gleeful over the possibility of another month at least of “Special Reports.”
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Jose Canseco says that to show his support for Caitlyn Jenner he “will be dressing up and living as a woman for a week,” And he will feature his week as a woman on his new internet show “Spend a Day with Jose.”
Canseco is not trying to be Caitlyn Jenner, he’s trying to be a Kardashian. #publicitywhore
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Many people are still stunned by the news that Patriots Tom Brady actually thought it was a good idea to destroy his phone. Of course, Brady didn’t have the option to hand it off to Marshawn Lynch.
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A new Presidential election poll says Bernie Sanders would beat Donald Trump. Heck, Jed Bartlett would beat Trump. Come to think of it, what is Martin Sheen doing these days?
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Now the U.S. Government is getting involved. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service tweeted today – “We’re investigating the killing of #CecilTheLion. Will go where facts lead. We ask Dr. Palmer or his rep to contact USFWS immediately.”
As awful as the story is, maybe it will lead to changes. Certainly it’s got to be one of the few times when the Obama administration has at least 80% bipartisan agreement in this country.
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Okay, leaving aside the serious larger issues, have to wonder, how were the University of Cincinnati cops dumb enough both to KNOW the shooting of Samuel DuBose was on video tape with an audio, and still to think they’d get away with lying? #cantfixstupid
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Canseco jokes, cecilthelion, Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, Mets jokes, MH370 jokes, SFGiants jokes, trade deadline jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 28, 2015
So why would an intelligent man destroy a cell phone when it absolutely would make him look guilty? If the messages destroyed would make him look worse. #TomBrady
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But really, don’t we all want to destroy our phones when we get a new one? Because it’s so much fun re entering all those apps, contact information, bookmarks…
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The “Bachelorette” is finally over. But after weeks of guilty fun watching a couple dozen crazy contestants whittled down to a winner, for a relationship not even based in reality, well, Americans still have the GOP primary.
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Donald Trump is now saying he’d “love” to have Sarah Palin have some sort of position in his administration. That’s bold. Trump isn’t afraid Palin would take a shot at that furry thing that lives on his head?”
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LaTroy Hawkins, 42, has been sent to Toronto along with Troy Tulowitzki. Bit of a waste. Hawkins gets to Canada and universal healthcare just before he becomes eligible for Medicare.
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So Drew Storen has a 1.73 ERA and 29 saves out of 31 chances. And the Washington Nationals decide to bolster their playoff chances by adding… a temperamental closer (Papelbon). Same brilliant logic that had the team shut down Strasburg a few years back.
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The Mets’ Jenrry Mejia, is now suspended 162 games for his 2nd failed PED test. Once you might think you’re invulnerable. The second time? Proves again that MLB drug testing is also an IQ test. #cantfixstupid
Boston claimed Jean Machi off waivers Tuesday. Are the Red Sox trying to bolster their struggling bullpen? Or just to pick up a former Giant with experience reducing the amount of food available to Pablo Sandoval at the training table?
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So the hunter who illegally shot Cecil, Zimbabwe’s most famous, and protected. lion, is an American dentist who was put on probation in 2008 for lying about the location where he shot and killed a bear, and who regularly travels the world to shoot big cats, elk, bears, rhinos etc, with a bow and arrow instead of a gun. Why stop there? A real man would face one of these animals with no weapons at all.
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Good. The AP reports “According to Zimbabwe police spokeswoman Charity Charamba, (Minnesota dentist) Walter Palmer will face charges of poaching. It is alleged that Palmer worked with the guides to lure Cecil from the national park to an unprotected area by strapping a “dead animal to their vehicle.” #justiceforCecil
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Bachelorette jokes, baseball jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, Red Sox jokes, Tom Brady jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 22, 2015
Donald Trump is visiting Laredo to tour the Texas-Mexico border. Though no doubt he won’t cross it. – because it would be embarrassing if the Mexican government deported him as being undesirable.
A Boston writer today wrote that the Red Sox needed to “cleanse themselves” of Sandoval and Ramirez. Am sure SF Giants fans really feel sorry for Boston. Like you feel sorry when the ex who left you for someone else and slams you on the way has their next relationship fall apart….
NBA commissioner Adam Silver says “No doubt” that some day he can see a woman as NBA head coach. Although have to wonder, would a woman be dumb enough to take on say, the Knicks?
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Silver also says that the league may change rules to allow only the top 8 teams in each conference to make the playoffs. In other words, postseason teams in the East can still suck.
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Detroit manager Brad Ausmus says he is not giving up on the season as the Tigers are only 4 games out of the Wild Card. With a 46-47 record. Hmm, where does he think he is, the NBA?
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Shaquille O’Neal said the all-time Lakers team would beat the all-time Bulls team by 50. And the all-time Spurs team would probably jell togther better and kick both teams’ butts.
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So some rumors about Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert’s divorce say he cheated, some say she cheated. We can settle this real quickly if one of them turns out to have an Ashley Madison account.
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A source told People Magazine that the Duggars are “heartbroken” over the cancellation of their TLC Show, and that they want to return to TV. Alas, it’s been several years since they cancelled ‘To Catch a Predator.”
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President Obama Tuesday night on the Daily Show said he was issuing an executive order saying that Jon Stewart cannot leave the show. Guess Obama thinks he hasn’t done enough to infuriate the 2016 GOP presidential candidates?
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So Obama waited until Tuesday to lower flags to half staff for the Marines shot and killed in Tennessee. I would feel a lot less cynical about those criticizing the President if they weren’t also mostly the same people who want to send MANY more young men and women overseas to risk being shot and killed in foreign wars..
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Ted Cruz just convened a Senate hearing to investigate “abuses” by the Supreme court.. Saying recent decisions including on same-sex marriage are the “very definition of tyranny.”
The dictionary definition of “tyranny” includes words like unjust, oppressive and especially “cruel.” So who exactly suffers personally when gays get marriage?
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DeAndre Jordan, on his convoluted return to the Clippers – “When free agency started, this whole fiasco was not my intent.” Sounds like DeAndre’s intentions were as on target as his free throw shooting.
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Apparently a fire broke out today on the 4,000 passenger Freedom of the Seas cruise ship in Jamaica today, but it was quickly put out by the ship’s fire suppression system. Royal Caribbean says no passengers were injured, but one crew member suffered a first degree burn. Stand by for around the clock updates from CNN.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Blake Shelton jokes, Duggars jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Miranda Lambert jokes, Obama jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 22, 2015
In April, a federal appeals court overturned Barry Bonds’ obstruction of justice conviction. Today, ending an almost 10 year battle, the U.S. Department of Justice announced they will not ask for a review with the U.S. Supreme Court and are ending the case.
What? Reluctance to spend more taxpayer dollars on this vital issue? #IblameObama
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As we await the potential release of client names from Ashley Madison is it wrong to wonder how many of these spouses met on Christianmingle.com?
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Mississippi State suspended CB Justin Cox for the last three games in 2014 after he was arrested for alleged aggravated domestic violence and burglary. The charges were dropped, and Cox signed with the KC Chiefs.
Yesterday he was arrested again on charges of burglary of a residence, aggravated domestic assault and trespassing. #Cantfixstupid
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Now that Becky Hammon has coached the Spurs to an Summer League Championship, wonder if some NBA team might make an offer to a proven winner like Tara Vanderveer. #GoStanford
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But hey, it was summer league…. what does that show? Well, in 2013 Jason Kidd had his first head coaching gig in Las Vegas and his Nets made the playoffs. Then last year another guy made his coaching debut … name of Steve Kerr. Turned out to be ok.
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Today at a campaign event Donald Trump attacked Lindsey Graham and then gave out the Graham’s personal cell phone number. Not sure if Trump really wants to be President, but he’s doing well in his question to become the Republican party’s most hated person not named Clinton.
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Roger Goodell says there is no timeline on Tom Brady’s suspension appeal, and that they are “being very thorough.” Does the NFL commission have one of Bud Selig’s “Blue Ribbon” committees working on it?
The SF Giants’ Tim Lincecum has been diagnosed with a degenerative hip condition. No doubt after he got the diagnosis Timmy had one question – “Medical marijuana?”
For anyone watching the SF Giants game, Padres pitcher Dale Thayer threw that gum better than he threw that bases-loaded pitch to Hector Sanchez.
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Giants catcher Hector Sanchez, just recalled from AAA, hit a grand slam for the SFGiants. Just guessing that that he was really really tired of playing in Sacramento. #SFGiants
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A Florida gun shop owner has declared his store a “Muslim-free zone” after the latest mass murders in Tennessee, to ensure “the safety of his fellow patriots” And he announced the decision in front of a Confederate flag. So I guess he would have had no problem selling a gun to the Charleston killer?
Would love to see what would happen if a very large African American man with a lot of tattoos walked into his store looking to buy guns. Especially if one of those tattoos was of a bible verse.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Ashley madison jokes, becky hammon, Confederate flag jokes, Donald Trump jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 21, 2015
The San Antonio Spurs, coached by Becky Hammon, just won the NBA Summer League. So, apparently real men don’t have a problem with sexual orientation in the locker room. #yougogirl
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Ashley Madison, the “dating” site for married people, has apparently been hacked and the hackers are threatening to post information on millions of users on line. Who knows, the U.S. political scene could be about to get a lot crazier.
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With the Ashley Madison hacking story making headlines, I see a new business model for some enterprising person – A company that will create a credible online to make it seem as if your identity was stolen. “Honest, honey, I have no idea how they got my name and credit card, clearly our personal information has been compromised.”
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Anyone who misses watching baseball games at Candlestick Park must have loved watching the final round of the #BritishOpen.
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Curt Schilling tweeted outrage that President Barack Obama failed to issue a proclamation to lower flags around government buildings to half-staff for the Chattanooga victims despite doing so for pop singer Whitney Houston.
Except that Obama didn’t do that. The only government official who ordered flags lowered for the pop star was NJ Gov. Chris Christie.
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A gay British man who voluntarily donates sperm says he has fathered 10 children with nine different women in just the last year. So the guy is either really altruistic, or he has delusions of being an NBA player.
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The Denver Nuggets have traded Ty Lawson to the Houston Rockets. Hoping it works out, but is it really a great idea to send a guy with 2 DUI’s in a year to a place with Texas’s very relaxed gun laws?
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A profile of Karen Hinton, who is New York Mayor DeBlasio’s press secretary, brings up a story from a 1999 book of how in 1984, when she was 24, then Arkansas governor Bill Clinton gave her a napkin with his room number on it. Shocking. Wouldn’t it be more of a story if Clinton in those days was talking to a pretty young blond woman and didn’t give her his room number?
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ACC commissioner John Swofford says the conference is “not trying to be Big Brother” in dealing with off-field issues like those at Florida State.
“Our approach $o far, and I don’t really $ee this changing, is that we have a lot of confidence in our in$titution$ to handle those $ituation$ when they occur.”
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In Iowa, a former lottery security official was found guilty of rigging a game so he could win a $14 million jackpot, and then trying to get someone to cash the prize for him. Hmm, anyone but me worried less about him than about the ones who aren’t stupid enough to get caught?
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Palo Alto, California, has been sweltering with temperatures in the mid 80s and 61% humidity. Thereby bringing ZERO sympathy from anyone in the Midwest, South and East.
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Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert, probably THE reigning royal couple of country music, are getting divorced. No word who gets custody of the material for song lyrics.
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Between Blake and Miranda though, Taylor Swift might have some competition for “Best breakup song of the year.”
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Just in 2014, the NFL gave each teams each $226.4 million as part of national revenue sharing. But all the the league could afford was a $765 million settlement over concussion-related brain injuries for all its 18,000 retired players. I wish this were a joke.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #AshleyMadison, Ashley madison jokes, becky hammon, Blake Shelton jokes, Clinton jokes, country music jokes, Florida State jokes, Janice Hough, Miranda Lambert jokes, NBA jokes, Spurs jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 20, 2015
Bill Cosby, in a deposition claimed he was good at reading nonverbal clues. “I think I’m a pretty decent reader of people and their emotions in these romantic sexual things…”
Although beginning to seem like a nonverbal clue to Cosby was “Hello.”
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The NY Mets managed to win Sunday 3-1 in 18 innings after going 1-26 with runners in scoring position and leaving 25 runners on base. And Phillies fans are thinking “You can GET 25 runners on base?”
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What ever happened to that “It never rains in California” stuff. Two rainouts on Sunday, for Padres AND Angels. And Dodgers happy they were in a place with great summer weather like Washington, D.C.
Rainout in #SanDiego? It may not be freezing over, but Hell has to be pretty soggy.
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Sunday was “National Ice Cream Day.” Making tomorrow “National ‘Who shrunk my pants?’ Day.
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Three-time surfing world champion Mick Fanning was unharmed after being attacked by a shark during a competition in South Africa. Glad he’s okay. But have to wonder if any surfing officials are thinking “Hmm, a couple more near misses with sharks and our ratings will skyrocket.”
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A “Deflategate” ball used in the AFC championship sold at auction for $44,000. And somewhere Brady may be thinking “For that much money I’ll let the air out of several more and sign them.”
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Online headline at USAToday.com “Amateur and Spieth Chasing History at British Open.” And a lot of fans who have mostly only paid attention to Tiger Woods are going “I think I’ve heard of Jordan Spieth but what’s Amateur’s first name?”
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Anyone but me REALLY want to see Donald Trump head down to San Antonio and tell Texans that the men at the Alamo weren’t heroes?
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Many in the GOP field are defending John McCain against Donald Trump’s attacks. Wonder where they were during the “Swiftboating” of John Kerry.
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Many San Francisco Bay Area women were happy to see Sunday night’s news report on the record breaking weather. Not that we liked the very warm humid temperatures, but it was a relief to know the day wasn’t one big long hot flash.
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Scott Walker Sunday on if being gay is a choice. “I mean, to me, that’s, I don’t know. I don’t know the answer to that question.” This is also the man who said he was going to “punt’ on the question of evolution and that he didn’t know if Obama was a Christian.
But the Wisconsin Governor wants to be President because he says Americans need “fresh, new LEADERSHIP.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: California jokes, cosby jokes, Janice Hough, McCain jokes, san diego jokes, shark jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 19, 2015
Donald Trump said John McCain “is a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.” At this point calling Trump a douchebag is an insult to a perfectly good female hygiene product.
Now Rick Perry is calling for Trump to be disqualified from running for president. “His attack on veterans make him unfit to be Commander-in-Chief.” Well, that and there are only ten chairs at the first GOP debate, so any way that Perry can cull the herd….
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Give #DonaldTrump credit. It takes a lot of work to give #RickPerry the moral high road. #McCain #ProofHellHasFrozenOver
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And Donald Trump also is now saying “I think we should boycott Mexico, frankly.” So okay, at least Taco Bell is safe, as there’s nothing actually Mexican about it.
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Saturday at the British Open. So the wind is strong enough to blow balls all over greens, & players look about to fall over, but seagulls stand calmly. Evolution in action?
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But yeah, golf is not exactly a sport for the masses. British Open commentator, talking about how difficult it is for players because “the ball is oscillating on the green.”
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Brett Favre today at his Green Bay HOF ceremony “When you look back and talk about my career, it will be from a Packers standpoint. You almost forget that I played for other teams.” And some Jets fans are thinking “Would that that were true.”
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The Packets tweeted out on Saturday. “Brett Favre’s No. 4 is officially retired.” So Sunday will they tweet out “Just kidding”?
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LAX is now going to allow Uber and Lyft pickup. Because clearly the airport didn’t have enough traffic?
A Texas man accidentally fatally shot himself at his 21st birthday party, authorities said. He’d apparently been shooting the gun into the air during the celebration. Police said “Alcohol was a factor in the shootings.” Ya think?
Wonder if a Darwin award was on his birthday list?
Six runs on 16 hits Friday night, now eight runs on 14 hits Saturday night. Maybe what #SFGiants needed after the All Star Break was 12 innings of batting practice against live pitching?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: British Open jokes, Darwin Award jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Trump jokes
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July 17, 2015
On Thursday, Obama became the first sitting president to visit a federal prison, a medium-security facility in Oklahoma. Probably a better idea than one in Illinois, where the President would have been too likely to run into former political colleagues.
Senator John McCain said of Donald Trump’s anti-immigration rally in Arizona – he “fired up the crazies.” Well, and if anyone knows crazy, it’s the man who wanted to give us Vice President Sarah Palin.
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Donald Trump’s polling numbers are so good that the GOP may start to take him seriously. In fact, in hopes of giving him some idea of what it actually might like to be President many Republicans want to send Trump on a weekend hunting trip with Dick Cheney.
Florida State says they will require student-athletes to be required to take a course in social responsibilities, one that “would give them some additional background in consequences of actions.” And I’m sure Seminoles’ football players will give the course the same high standard of attention they give to all their classes.
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Dodgers Nationals were in a game delay due to a bank of lights going out at Nationals Park. Maybe teams should call Congress – they have plenty of experience working in the dark.
And then the Dodgers Nationals game was suspended in the sixth inning tonight after a third power outage. And Mets fans are thinking, haven’t we been in a power outage since the April?
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For #TBT, Kim Kardashian decided to repost a 2010 magazine picture of herself nude in a pool of silver paint. It’s going to be so much fun when North West his puberty. #youregoingoutlookinglikethat? #karmaisameanbitch
J.J. Watt, in an interview cautioning high school athletes, “Read each tweet about 95 times before sending it Look at every Instagram post about 95 times before you send it. A reputation takes years and years and years to build, and it takes one press of a button to ruin. So don’t let that happen to you. Just be very smart about it.”
All good advice, assuming these athletes can count to 95.
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Australian tennis player Bernard Tomic, 22, was arrested at the W Hotel in Miami Beach, after there were multiple complaints about a raucous party in his penthouse suite, and he ignored police requests to turn down the music. Uh, just how loud do you have to be to be too loud for South Beach?
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A police raid Friday at a home of an Orlando city commissioner has apparently found both drugs and guns. Your move, Louisiana.
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A rain delay means that Tiger Woods did not complete his second round Friday and will have to finish up Saturday morning. So even God decided He/She really wanted to see Tiger play on the weekend?
From Bill Littlejohn, “In 1930, Clayton Kershaw’s great-uncle, Clyde Tombaugh, discovered Pluto. Fitting, because that’s where Kershaw’s curveball disappears to in the post-season.”
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While the vast majority of American Muslims are good law-abiding citizens, some people are calling for increased surveillance and profiling of Muslims because individuals have committed horrific crimes. So if the object is to prevent crimes, then presumably those same people should be calling for increased surveillance and profiling of gun owners…?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes
Tags: Dodgers jokes, Donald Trump jokes, Florida State jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, McCain jokes, Obama jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 