Posted tagged ‘49ers jokes’
August 27, 2016
49ers QB Colin Kaepernick said he remained seated on the bench during the national anthem yesterday because “I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color.”
Well, if Kaepernick likes sitting, this year he’s going to get to do a lot of it.
Admire when someone takes a stand at their own personal risk. But when Colin Kaepernick says ““If they take football away, my endorsements from me, I know that I stood up for what is right.”
I’m all for free speech. But the way Kap is playing – what endorsements?
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Announcers at the Little League World Series talk about a Panamian flamethrower who pitches 81 MPH. And somewhere Barry Zito is just sobbing.
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#TonyRomo has a broken bone in his back. So it will be at least until midseason before he can return to disappoint #Cowboys fans.
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Two Western Michigan football players were arrested for allegedly robbing a female student with a knife and semi-automatic gun. Coach P.J. Fleck suspended them both indefinitely “I’m extremely disappointed and want to assure the community that this kind of conduct is unacceptable and does not represent the values of this team or this university.”
Uh, does armed robbery represent the values of any team or university?
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The Chicago White Sox are changing their field name from U.S. Cellular Field to Guaranteed Rate Field. Let’s see, cellphone companies and mortgage lenders. So they’re trying to get people less focused on booing the team than booing the sponsor?
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In Tallahassee, FSU strength & conditioning coach Vic Viloria was arrested for alleged DUI after he was found “passed out” in the driver’s seat of his truck at a traffic light. Viloria clearly wasn’t thinking, that sort of thing isn’t tolerated in Tallahassee, unless you actually play for the Seminoles.
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Ann Coulter, in her book “In Trump We Trust” said “Until the bleeding has stopped, there’s nothing Trump can do that won’t be forgiven. Except change his immigration policies.”
Ann forgot to add “How many times.”
Kudos to Southwest pilots for landing the plane safely when an engine disintegrated during a flight from New Orleans to Orlando. But then apparently some passengers took selfies while donning the oxygen masks. #BeammeupScottytheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet.
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Donald Trump tweet from yesterday ““Dwayne Wade’s cousin was just shot and killed walking her baby in Chicago. Just what I have been saying. African-Americans will VOTE TRUMP!”
Leaving the misspelling aside, can’t understand how some might get the idea that with the Donald it’s all about him. #sarcasm
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From T.C. “US Cellular Field, the home of the Chicago White Sox have just sold the naming rights to “Guaranteed Rate” for the next 7 years. This is not to be confused with Wrigley Field which has been known as the home of “Guaranteed Losers” since 1908.”
Categories: baseball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, LLWS jokes, Romo jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
June 9, 2016
Justin Bieber apparently lost when he got in a fistfight with another fan after game 3 of the NBA Finals. On the brighter side, he reportedly put up a better fight than the Warriors.
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When you’re down 3 to 1 in #StanleyCupFinals isn’t calling it a “must win game” redundant? #Sharks
The way the #SJSharks play on the road vs. at home might they request the #NHL to play #StanleyCup game six in Pittsburgh?
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Mac Williamson hit his first home run for the SF Giants last night. Reports were he traded a signed ball and bat for the ball. Wonder if the signed items had Posey and Bumgarner’s names on them?
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My friend Darren forwards the information that the SF 49ers are favored in ZERO of their 2016 season games.. And somewhere in Ann Arbor you can hear the giggling
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Colin Kaerpernick says that while he and his “team” were looking at “different opportunities”, now “I’m a 49er and excited to work with Chip and his coaching staff. ” Translation, not as if anyone else really wanted me anyway.
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According to Philadelphia Magazine, 46% of voters said that the Phillie Phanatic would make a more qualified President than Donald Trump. Well, and on top of that, who doesn’t love the Phanatic?
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Apparently after NBA Finals game 2, assistant coach Phil Handy went off on the Cavs with a tirade about their performance and questioned the team’s toughness. Maybe Cleveland hired the wrong coach.
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#DraymondGreen did have best line from game 3: “They came out like their season was on the line, & we came out like it was peaches & cream.”
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Headline in Cleveland today? “All you don’t need is Love? #Cavs #KevinLove #NBAFinals
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Apparently three women are trying to raise $30 million for a super PAC titled “Women Vote Trump” So is this to support the Donald or to provide those women with mental health support?
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#PresidentObama is endorsing #HillaryClinton today. Wonder if he told her in a 3 a.m. phone call?
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But really, in 2007 what was less likely, that Obama would be elected, or that he would end up endorsing Hillary?
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#HillaryClinton says #DonaldTrump should delete his #Twitter account. Why? His tweets have to be one of the best things for her campaign.
Elizabeth Warren tonight “Donald Trump is a loud, nasty, thin-skinned fraud who has never risked anything for anyone and serves nobody but himself.” You know, Senator Warren could be really impressive if she would just stop sugarcoating things.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Cavs jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, Sharks jokes, Trump jokes, Warren jokes, Warriors jokes
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April 14, 2016
Lots of uproar over a Sanders supporter using the term #Democraticwhores. Hillary fans are outraged. Meanwhile Bill is going “whores? where?
Really? A Rockies fan was kicked out of Coors Field for throwing a home run ball (hit by the Giants Trevor Brown) back onto the field. Good thing they don’t have that silly rule at Dodger Stadium. Madbum is hitting (and pitching) tomorrow night.
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Rough couple days for #SFGiants pitchers at Coors Field, giving up 21 runs in two days. But it could be worse, they could have given up all those runs interspersed with snow delays. (And yes, it is going to snow this weekend in Denver. Happy Spring.)
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Lots of attention on the Warriors winning 73 games. And over in Oakland the As are thinking “With luck we can do that this year too.”
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Meanwhile, in the NFL, Oakland and SF may combine to honor Golden State: this year’s Raiders are likely to win 7 games, while the 49ers are likely to win 3.
So what’s going to happen next? The Golden State Warriors lose a game? Or the Minnesota Twins or Atlanta Braves win a game?
So with this the 9th Democratic debate was there any point other than both sides hoping for a “gotcha” moment? #sanders #clinton
American Airlines has complained that TSA lines meant 6,800 of their passengers missed flights in just one week from March 14-20. Of course American is not complaining about all the change fees they were able to charge those passengers.
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Microsoft is suing the DOJ to prevent the government from going through users’ personal emails without notice. The company feels strongly that such an invasion of privacy should not be allowed, except by Microsoft and their advertisers.
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Canada is looking into passing an assisted suicide bill for terminally ill patients, but will not allow “suicide tourism” for Americans. Especially presumably after the November elections.
In Wisconsin a high school teacher who has been charged with having sex with her 16-year old student allegedly slept with him the night of her husband’s bachelor party and sent him selfies from her honeymoon. Your move, Florida.
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Al Sharpton, after Bill de Blasio and Hillary Clinton used a reference to “C.P” time in a skit – “Y’all got to leave all these jokes alone. Just, don’t even talk about race for a while.” Does it count as a joke to reference black pots and kettles?
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All this commotion over the phrase “C.P. time” when used by NY Mayor DeBlasio, who is married to a black woman. Now, maybe in a P.C. age it wasn’t the best joke. But while we’re at it, I’ve heard in Hawaii and Jamaica and much of the Caribbean “Island time,” in Mexico “Mexican minutes,” from a lot of men “girl time” or “girl ready” and from someone married to a woman from Delhi “Indian Standard time.” So maybe we should all lighten up?
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The Lakers apparently sold $1.2 million in Kobe Bryant merchandise yesterday. Although just think about how much the team might have made had they released Bryant a few years ago and built a team that could reach the playoffs.
From Alex Kaseberg “In his last game, the Lakers’ Kobe Bryant scored 60 points to beat the Utah Jazz. Now, I don’t want to say Utah rigged the game for Kobe, but Custer played better defense against Sitting Bull.”
Categories: debate jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Braves jokes, democratic whores jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Raiders jokes, Twins jokes, Warriors jokes
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February 2, 2016
Can’t wait for the Steve Harvey interview with Donald Trump on his Iowa Caucus win last night.
The House today failed to override President Obama’s veto of a bill to repeal Obamacare. So maybe Paul Ryan actually has a sense of humor in scheduling the vote on Groundhog Day?
Almost all signs of the SF 49ers have been removed from Levi’s Stadium for Super Bowl weekend. Except for the red seats. But that won’t be a problem. Unlike for most of the late season 49ers games, on Sunday those seats will actually have fans sitting in them.
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Colin Kaepernick apparently wants out with the SF 49ers to play for the Jets. This is like an elephant trying to abandon Barnum & Bailey’s for Ringling Brothers
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The Broncos have sent rookie safety Ryan Murphy home after he was detained and questioned as part of a prostitution sting today. Really? You’re part of a a Super Bowl team and you can’t even find sex for free? #cantfixstupid #rookiemistake
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The Cleveland Browns will apparently release Johnny Manziel in March. So much for his prediction of “wrecking this league.” Looks like what Manziel was really good at was wrecking his career.
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The CDC now says that any woman of childbearing age not using birth control should abstain from alcohol. Uh, isn’t drinking how many babies get conceived in the first place?
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Hillary Clinton apparently won six Iowa precincts by coin toss. So maybe that answers one question “Whatever happened to those Patriots ballboys?”
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Groundhog Day happening at about the same time as the Iowa caucuses is very confusing. So did that furry thing that lives on Trump’s head see his shadow or not?
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Just when we were about to utter the magic words “Who cares any more about Iowa?” comes the news that Bernie Sanders is not ready to concede. So maybe all those reporters better not check out of their rooms yet.
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Marissa Mayer says Yahoo will lay off 15% of its global workforce and close five offices. And this plan “will enable us to accelerate Yahoo’s transformation.” So sounds like Ms. Mayer is well on her way to following Carly Fiorina into politics.
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So the Sacramento Kings nixed a Chinese New Year t-shirt giveaway because it referenced “Year of the Monkey” and had a purple money on it. DeMarcus Cousins and others apparently thought it was “racially insensitive” on the first day of Black History Month.
Now, I’m generally liberal and proud of it but where does this stop? Cops vetoing “Year of the Pig? Lawyers vetoing “Year of the Snake?” Or some white voters complaining about “Year of the Sheep?
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Last night CNN covered Cruz, Trump, Rubio, Clinton and Sanders speeches. Fox News only covered the GOP candidates. So fair and balanced only means between “right” and “far right?”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Broncos jokes, Groundhog Day jokes, Iowa jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, Super Bowl Jokes
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January 21, 2016
WR Josh Gordon, who was indefinitely suspended from the NFL for substance abuse violations involving marijuana and alcohol, has asked Roger Goodell for reinstatement. Of course had Gordon just beat people up to deal with his stress, he’d probably be on an active roster right now.
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Chip Kelly’s introductory press conference with Jed York and Trent Baalke was all warm and fuzzy this morning. Why did it feel a bit like watching the fourth wedding of some Hollywood star? #unrealisticdreams?
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Donald Trump, asked about Sarah Palin as a possible running mate “”I don’t think she’d want to do it.” Translation – “I’m crazy but not that bat-shit crazy..
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Who knows whether this next possible “storm of the century” will live up to hype or just be another cause of unnecessary panic in the D.C. area. At least the Washington Redskins have done their part by not giving residents a playoff game and traffic to worry about.
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So in Pakistan, the Taliban claimed responsibility for an attack that killed 24 at a university. Awful, but I’m confused, are the Taliban now bad guys we are supporting, or bad guys we are fighting?
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University of Florida CB Jalen Tabor was upset with football players not getting any pay other than a scholarship, food and some other benefits. So he tweeted “The SEC Made $527.4 Million in Total Revenue and Players Ain’t Get A Penny. Modern Form of Slavery.”
Now, all my friends know how much I “love” the SEC. But last I heard, no one trained hard and went through a very competitive voluntary recruiting process to become a slave.
So does the collapse in the price of oil mean that the GOP will no longer feel as compelled to invade every country that has it?
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A report says that at Mount St. Mary’s, a small Catholic university, president Simon Newson said this at a faculty meeting about struggling students and retention rates: Faculty “think of students as cuddly bunnies,” but they “just have to drown the bunnies…put a Glock to their heads.”
Proving once again, that a PhD and a lofty title is no guarantee against #cantfixstupid
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In New Orleans, a woman kept her gun under a pillow and it accidentally discharged last night, killing her 3-year-old grandson while the two were sleeping. #ifonlytheboywasarmed
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Wonder what the conspiracy theorists who think #Trump is in the race to help #Hillary make of the #Palin endorsement?
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Walmart says that all of their over a million workers will receive “at least” a 2% raise. Wow. So with that 20 cents or so extra an hour maybe they’ll be able to buy some of the store’s products.
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The Dow was down as much as 565 points today but ended up down only 264 points. So I think I’ve got this figured out, the drop was all Obama’s fault but any bounce had nothing to do with him.
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ESPN’S OTL reports that the NFL sent three top health and safety officers to challenge the NIH on their proposed study on football and brain disease, even though the league has denied involvement. “I am shocked” said nobody.
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The Virginia legislature just killed a bill that would have decriminalized adultery. Since they are just across the river from DC is this VA’s way of discouraging members of Congress from living in the state?
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From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg, “Caitlyn Jenner is writing her memoir about her transition to transgender. It will probably be a case of “He said/She said.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Palin jokes, storm jokes, Trump jokes
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January 12, 2016
Best thing about the College Football Playoff. Now that the game is over, we know it’s not much more than a month until #MLB spring training starts.
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Tonight was really as it turned out, the Southern U.S. Football Championship. A week and a half after the big bowls. So did anyone outside the South who doesn’t have money on the game really care?
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The real winners of last night’s Golden Globes hosted by Ricky Gervais? Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, who can now REALLY name their own price.
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Amazing how many stayed in TCF Bank Stadium to bitter end of #Vikings game. Though most fans may have been frozen to seats. #SEAvsMIN
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Johnny Manziel now seems to have disappeared and not even the Browns know where he is. Even Lindsay Lohan is beginning to think this guy needs help.
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Monday on the New York City subway is #NoPantsDay. Which means Tuesday on the subway is #BringHandiWipesDay
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ESPN reported that several Denver Broncos players said today that while they are angry at Steelers’ center Cody Wallace for what they perceive as a dirty hit last month, they wouldn’t hurt the team with an ill-timed penalty.
Uh, who goes into any game saying they plan to lose the game over an ill-timed penalty?
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Adam Jones, still upset over the end of the Steelers-Bengals game and his personal foul penalty, claims that Antonio Brown flopped, and today said “He deserved a Grammy Award for that. I know if you just got knocked out you ain’t going to be able to wink and tell me you’re OK.”
A Grammy? Sounds like Pacman’s awareness of pop culture is at about the same level as his self control.
The SF 49ers have been granted permission to speak to former NY Giants coach Tom Coughlin, 70. Makes sense. Coughlin can sign a 4 year contract, and then working under Jed York and Trent Baalke, retire when he gets fired at 71.
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When sitting on hold for a long time to make a reservation, always wish just once that instead of saying, “Due to the high demand…”, companies would just be honest: “Due to the fact we don’t want to pay enough people to answer the phones….
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Donald Trump is bragging how he got the Manchester Union Leader removed as a sponsor of the next GOP debate. So apparently while he and other candidates are focusing on the 2nd amendment, it’s okay to trample on the first?
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Laissez les bonne temps roulez – Bobby Jindal is no longer governor of Louisiana.
Now what? At least since his campaign collapsing early Jindal has a good chance to be hired as a media pundit explaining why several other candidates have no chance.
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A Conn. rookie police officer has resigned and been charged with 1st degree larceny after saying he needed time off with pay for U.S.Army Reserves duty in December, when he was actually going to Hawaii with his girlfriend.
So he’s a cop, and a young man, and in this social media age he still figured there was no chance he’d get caught…. #cantfixstupid Your move, Florida.
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And seriously, R.I.P. David Bowie. How many musicians manage to be relevant across the generations? Give the man credit. Not only did he change music in many ways, Bowie also, in a 24-7 internet celebrity-focused age, managed to fight a long battle with terminal cancer without the tabloids and various other media picking up on or publicizing it. Godspeed, Major Tom.
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Bengals jokes, golden globes jokes, Janice Hough, playoff jokes, Vikings jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
January 5, 2016
SF 49ers owner Jed York today in his press conference announcing the firing of Jim Tomsula: “I’m not a football expert.” Right, so after 2014 season you fired the coach that actually WAS. #Harbaugh #cantfixstupid
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Let’s see, Jim Harbaugh was fired from SF basically because of his ego and abrasive personality. Now Chip Kelly has let it be known he is interested in the 49ers job. Get some popcorn folks, we could end up with the first football management team with thermo-nuclear capability.
#JedYork says he will sell the #SF49ers “over his dead body.” Guess Jed feels brave enough to say that due to California’s strict gun laws.
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SF 49ers GM Trent Baalke indicated today in a later press conference he didn’t know the length of his own contract (he signed an extension last year through 2018). Now, local media are making fun of the lie, but who knows, maybe it could be true. Would explain a lot about SF’s horrendous drafts lately.
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The #Raiders, #Chargers & #Rams all requested permission today to move to the Los Angeles area. A few more press conferences like today’s from Jed York and #49ers fans may be saying “uh, can we volunteer our team too?”
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Johnny Manziel was apparently seen partying in Las Vegas last Saturday night. Maybe it’s time to change his trademark name from “Johnny Football” to “Johnny F*ckup.”
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Tom Coughlin has resigned as coach of the NY Giants. So guess after 12 years he’s looking to be ringmaster of a different circus?
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Hunter Pence just bought a 2 bedroom luxury condo in San Francisco. At his $18.5 million a year #SFGiants salary he can probably just stretch to cover the payments.
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The Stanford women’s basketball team scored only 31 points Monday night.. Are they trying to be named honorary 76ers?
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Donald Trump’s latest fear-mongering was a warning today that President Obama’s planned executive actions mean “Pretty soon you won’t be able to get guns.”
To be fair, if we had serious mental health restrictions on purchasing firearms, based on many of his statements Trump himself probably couldn’t pass a background check.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Janice Hough, Jed york jokes, Manziel jokes, NFL jokes, Trump jokes
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January 4, 2016
Final season of Downton Abbey starts tonight in the U.S. Amazing For six years on Sunday nights Americans weren’t lying when they said they preferred watching PBS.
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Wonder if the final straw that resulted in the firing of Jim Tomsula was the 49ers coach managing to pull out a close game in overtime, and thus costing San Francisco at least a few positions in the NFL draft.
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So now there are rumors that the 49ers may try to lure head coach Sean Payton from the Saints, rumors fueled in part by the fact that Payton’s daughter now is in college at Pepperdine and he misses her.
Uh, except if that’s the motivation in at most a year Payton can probably have his choice of two new Los Angeles teams are not complete clusterf*cks.
San Diego and Denver playing an exciting game with playoff implications, and in Northern California CBS & NFL insisted to keep showing the Rams and 49ers playing to see who had the worst offense in the league.
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The SF 49ers fired Jim Tomsula but kept GM Trent Baakle. Wasn’t this kind of like firing the catering manager on the Titanic?
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#NYJets and #NYGiants accomplished one thing today – got New Yorkers REALLY looking forward to Spring Training.
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From my funny friend Jerry Perisho “I’m watching the Washington-Dallas football game. Clearly, it’s time to stand up for innocent people whose name is being denigrated through its crass association with a football team. Change the name of the Cowboys.”
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Chris Christie called Obama a “petulant child” for the President’s plan to override Congress with executive action to curb gun violence. Yes, Chris Christie, the same formerly pro-gun control Governor who himself this year vetoed several gun control bills passed in New Jersey….. #whythereisnosatire
(as my friend Jon N says, Because nobody would ever consider shutting down a bridge to be petulant. My guess is that’s where Christie learned the word.)
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Saudi Arabia just had a mass execution of 47 people, spread out amongst a dozen prisons, by firing squad and beheadings. And these are our civilized “friends” in the region?
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Bus to hell time: Bill Cosby was arrested and the Pittsburgh Steelers sneaked into the NFL playoffs. So all in all a mixed week for rapists.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Chris Christie jokes, Downton Abbey jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes
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December 10, 2015
There’s a three-way tie atop NFC East at 5-7. Call me old-fashioned, but it would be nice for NFL division winners at least to have records that make them bowl eligible.
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Goldstar is offering discount rates for William Shatner’s one-man show in San Francisco, “Shatner’s World.” But really, shouldn’t we be able to name our own price?
MLB is now recommending that for safety reasons teams install protective netting in front of lower level seats inside the baselines. And in Boston presumably a bit further out into left field in case a certain third baseman going for a ball tumbles into the stands.
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Reports are that if Marissa Mayer is fired by Yahoo, her severance package could reach $110 million. Wow. That’s enough money that in a few years Mayer can use the money to run for President touting her leadership ability.
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Phrase on a local radio station many San Francisco fans thought they’d never hear at the beginning of the season – “the 49ers can build around Blaine Gabbert.”
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Well, apparently this is probably a hoax. But most media picked up the story today of Mexican Drug Lord “El Chapo” being upset at ISIS – telling them they “made a mistake” in destroying one of his shipments. And emailing their leader “I pity the next son of a whore who tries to interfere with the business of the Sinaloa cartel. I will have their hearts and tongues torn from them.”
If it IS a hoax, setting El Chapo after ISIS actually isn’t that bad an idea.
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Some have opined that Donald Trump’s candidacy is a plot to help Hillary Clinton. I just hope it’s not a plot to make the rest of the GOP look reasonable by comparison.
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Many conservatives were happy with Antonin Scalia’s comments about affirmative action. Well, if he feels so strongly about not admitting kids who can’t keep pace academically, wonder what the reaction would be if instead of going after African-Americans, the Justice had just called to dismantle college football?
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United Airlines is apparently thinking of offering pyjamas to their international business class passengers. That’s in business class. In coach presumably they are thinking about charging passengers who are wearing extra clothes.
Russell Taylor, the former head of Jared Fogle’s charity was sentenced to 27 years in prison for making child porn, after begging the judge for a light sentence and “not allow me to rot in the landfill of lost souls.”
Got news for the guy, a lot of the convicts are upset about the thought of having to rot with HIM.
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Sad sign of the times: The local news is reporting on a lock down at a San Jose school – an “active shooter drill.”
There’s something that doesn’t quite make sense when we have Americans who for “safety” reasons want to register Muslims but not register guns.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Janice Hough, NFC east jokes, NFL jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 8, 2015
A huge sinkhole has swallowed more than a dozen cars in the parking lot of a new IHOP parking lot in Meridian, Miss. Kind of hard to stand your ground when the ground won’t stand.
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Adam Vinatieri, 42, kicked a 55 yard field gold to give the Colts the win today over the Broncos and Peyton Manning. Not saying Vinatieri is old, but doesn’t it seem as if he must have also kicked against teams led by Archie Manning?
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The video is horrible, no question, but if you do believe people can learn and change, Ray Rice is sure at least doing a very good imitation of a man who has done both: “I used to have a situation where kids were like, ‘I wanna be like Ray Rice.’ And now I have to think about kids and parents saying, ‘I don’t want you to be like Ray Rice.’ And that haunts me.”
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Former Rep. Michele Bachmann:is now saying “The Holy Spirit is speaking to each one of us (Christians) to help bring in (convert) as many as we can — even among the Jews,” Wow. So does Bachmann think Ben Carson has a chance and she’s angling to be his running mate?
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The buck passes here. Marco Rubio is attributing some of his personal expenses being billed to his GOP credit card – ,”because a travel agent had the credit card number — and they billed it to that card instead of the other card.” This including a Rubio family gathering of 20 rooms for three nights at a resort near Tallahassee starting the day he was sworn in as Florida House Speaker.
Uh, speaking for travel agents everywhere, leaving aside the number of hoops required to bill 20 rooms to one card, you make a mistake more than once like that with a credit card, you’re fired.
#callingBS–
Texas Rep. Mike McCaul, confident that a bomb brought down the Russian plane, is saying that the Obama administration is in large part to blame because they haven’t done enough in the Mideast. And of course there’s no blame on a previous administration for doing too much in the Mideast…
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You know if #BenCarson doesn’t want media reporting outrageous things he says maybe he could take a day off from saying outrageous things.
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So the Dallas Cowboys have now lost six games in a row. So maybe Greg Hardy can get legally away with beating up and threatening a woman, but maybe also he can’t hide from that mean bitch karma.
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A U.S jail escapee was arrested in Mexico after police were able to track him i because he was posting selfies on Facebook. He’s being held in a Mexican jail and is facing extradition back to… Idaho? Your move, Florida. #Cantfixstupid
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Vikings quarterback Teddy Bridgewater, who was elbowed in the head by Rams DB Lamarcus Joyner today, has been diagnosed with a concussion. If the NFL really wanted to stop this sort of thing it would be simple – injure a starter with an illegal hit that gets you fined, and you are out until they can return, even if it’s a season ending injury.
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Oxford, MS, for the tweet of the month, maybe the year, after the Razorbacks shred the Ole Miss defense and win 53-52 in OT –
@OxfordPolice Asking us to kick the Arkansas QB out of the stadium is not a legit reason to dial 911. #ARKvsMISS
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, 49ers jokes, Carson jokes, Cowboys jokes, NFL jokes, Rubio jokes
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October 17, 2015
For as rough as that game ending was in Ann Arbor, a game-winning touchdown after a blocked punt with 10 seconds to go, Jim Harbaugh still has to be waking up tomorrow thinking “At least I’m not still coaching the 49ers.”
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And here Harbaugh thought his kicking nightmares were over when he left Stanford and Jordan Williamson.
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San Francisco rents are so high that one female software engineer has written about the fact that she now lives in a VW Bus. What will be even scarier is when she decides to rent half the bus out on AirBNB.
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So some KC Royals fans are starting a petition to have Joe Buck removed from the ALCS because they say he is biased against their team. SF Giants fans are laughing. They know Buck is biased against any team that isn’t the Cardinals.
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While the ALCS is moving to Toronto for game three, there won’t be a game on Sunday. So we won’t have the dilemma – would MLB still insist on “God Bless America?”
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Jeb Bush and Donald Trump called each other “pathetic” yesterday. It was a rare time they were both right.
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The Oklahoma Sooners flight to Manhattan, KS for their football game against KSU today was delayed over 8 hours. Now I know travel agents have a different perspective, but really? The DRIVE is only about 4 1/2 hours
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As expected, Zack Greinke has opted out of his contract with the Dodgers.(he ONLY has 3 years and $71 million left, and wants a longer deal.)
Not sure about 5 years to any 32 year old pitcher. But SF has a record as a good home for head cases.
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Mike, a combat dog that became a service animal for an Army veteran was shot and killed by a bicyclist in Wyoming who said the dog threatened him. Waiting for the NRA to say “If only the dog had been armed.”
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Memphis defeated Ole Miss today to move to 6-0. Wow. Memphis has a college football team?
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USC played Notre Dame Saturday . Bringing up the age-old question for many American football fans – “Can both teams lose?”
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Lindsay Lohan is now saying in “In #2020 I may run for president.” And somewhere Jon Stewart is thinking “The universe REALLY doesn’t want me to retire.”
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US Airways flight 1939 took off Friday night from San Francisco to Philadelphia, the last US Airways flight ever before their merger with American Airlines. Poignant night for many fliers – one less airline to blame.
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TBS host Casey Stern was caught dropping an f-bomb on air after the Mets’ game 1 NLCS win over the Cubs today. Can only imagine what some of the Michigan broadcasters said away from the microphone after the end of the MSU game.
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Apparently Rand Paul, Mike Huckabee, Bobby Jindal, George Pataki, Lindsey Graham and Rick Santorum are all spending more money than they are getting in donations so could end up dropping out of the 2016 Presidential race soon.
With the possible exception of Paul, and maybe Huckabee, who’s donating to ANY of them?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, airine jokes, GOP jokes, Harbaugh jokes, Janice Hough, Michigan jokes, punt jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 26, 2015
Seriously, it is getting REALLY old in this country when the response is “Did you hear about the mass shooting? And the response is “Which one?”
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Can we make a deal here with some of the Presidential candidates? We will considering tweaking the 14th Amendment if they will consider tweaking the 2nd.
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The man who shot and killed a Virginia news crew on air has died of his self-inflicted gunshot injuries. Once again, why can’t these a**holes who plan a murder-suicide reverse the order?
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#JoshDuggar has announced he has checked into rehab. So congrats to all those who had August 26 in the pool.
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Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run” is now celebrating its 40th anniversary. So now they’re riding “through the mansions of glory in suicide machines” with their left blinker on.
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The musical “Rent:” will return to New York City this fall for it’s 20th anniversary. Not sure of ticket prices but still might be the only Rent most young people in NY can now afford.
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The Steelers have signed Michael Vick as a backup QB to Ben Rothlisberger. Wow. Dog killing and alleged rape. Where’s a good NFL bounty program when you really need one?
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#USC coach #SteveSarkisian has banned parents from practice. What, is he afraid they will make him wash his mouth out with soap?
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President Obama will be in New Orleans tomorrow, near the anniversary of Katrina. Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal – “I understand that your emphasis in New Orleans will – rightly – be an economic development, the temptation to stray into climate change politics should be resisted.”
Right, because no one in the city cares about weather.
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Junior Gallette, released by the New Orleans Saints after two alleged domestic violence incidents, and signed by Washington, has apparently torn his Achilles tendon. Sometimes Roger Goodell has nothing on that mean bitch, karma.
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Some stories almost don’t need a punchline. The NYPD is looking for officers to volunteer for their “newly formed Times Square unit,” in large part because of the increasing numbers of topless women there. Chief James O’Neil – “Times Square is an important piece of real estate in New York City. We have to pay attention to what goes on there.”
Hope the number of volunteers didn’t crash the NYPD server.
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When ball hit straight in air up falls between home & pitcher’s mound for 2B hit time for #MLB to introduce a “team error” #SFGiants #Cubs
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Meanwhile, SF Giants have starting shortstop (Crawford), second baseman (Panik)) both centerfielder (Pagan-Blanco) and right fielder(Pence) injured. The Chicago Cubs have been batting their pitcher 8th. With Madison Bumgarner pitching tomorrow have to figure he should bat at least 5th.
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So Wednesday in Santa Clara SF 49ers LB Ahmad Brooks was charged with misdemeanor sexual battery at the same time Ray McDonald was indicted for rape. Since 2012, the Niners now have had 7 players with a NFL-high total of 12 arrests. Well, at least they lead the league in something.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, gun control, Janice Hough, New Orleans, NFL jokes, NYPD jokes, topless women times square jokes, USC jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
August 18, 2015
So Donald Trump’s latest complaint is about H-1B visas, which he claims result in foreigners taking jobs away from minorities and women. Kind of a ballsy statement from someone who couldn’t find someone American-born for two of his three marriages.
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Yes, Donald Trump seems to be doing well But not a single GOP primary vote has been cast. So all of this circus is basically based on a relatively small number of people who don’t feel like hanging up on pollsters?
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The SF 49ers will lower beer prices from $10.25 to $10 this year, largely to save the time required for workers to dispense change in quarters. And then no doubt next year they will raise the price to at least $12.
The FDA has approved the world’s first pill to boost women’s libido. Is it covered in diamonds?
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Apparently hackers have posted stolen data from #AshleyMadison. Wonder what the objective of their plan was? #nodivorcelawyerleftbehind?
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So with the release of the Ashley Madison data, is it too soon to start a pool on the over-under of politicians who may suddenly resign to spend time with their families?
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SF Giants have a number of pitchers on the DL, plus starting CF Pagan, LF Aoki, and 2nd baseman Panik. Now Hunter Pence is going on the DL for a strained oblique.
The team recently did a promo spoofing Full House. Maybe the House they should have been referencing was Gregory.
#Madbum for #SFGIants DH. That is all.
(he pinch hit in the 7th, got a single, scored the Giants 2nd run in a 2-0 games. After apparently blowing the opposing pitcher’s mind.)
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Give me a break, commentators talking about the injury risk Bruce Bochy shouldn’t have taken by letting Madison Bumgarner pinch hit. Uh, as we have seen, pitchers get hurt throwing, fielding, falling down steps, falling out of bed, getting sandwiches, etc….
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49ers wide receiver Jerome Simpson’s has now been suspended six game for violating the league’s substance abuse policy, his third suspension since 2012. It’s all part of the NFL’s “10 strikes and you’re out policy.”
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Tom Brady will attend a second hearing on his suspension. If he can’t get the number of games reduced the Patriots QB is at least hoping for a better sketch?
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Oops, now Brady will not attended the hearings in New York after talks stalled between him and the NFL. Both sides are reportedly feeling a bit deflated.
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George Zimmerman is selling $50 prints of a Confederate flag painting he did at ‘Muslim free’ gun store in Florida. Where’s a hunting dentist when you really need one?
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The mayor of Venice, Italy, ban children’s books featuring gay couples from local schools, sparking a social media war with Elton John, who called him “boorishly bigoted. The mayor has retweeted messages from supporters attacking Elton, like “we’re protecting our children from people like you.”
Well, I sure hope these protective parents make sure their kids NEVER see the “Lion King.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #AshleyMadison, 49ers jokes, Ashley madison jokes, Female viagra, Janice Hough, madison bumgarner jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 7, 2015
Perhaps the highest tribute I can pay to Jon Stewart is that it is now hard to imagine the news without Jon Stewart.
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We opine about who might be the next Jon Stewart. But before Jon Stewart we didn’t know there was that position to be filled.
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Tuesday – SF 49ers GM Trent Baalke “Aldon’s like any young player, he’s growing up, he’s maturing. You see that with a lot of these guys…” Friday – Aldon Smith has been arrested for a third DUI in four years, along with alleged hit and run and vandalism. So how about those Raiders?
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The SF 49ers have now released their All-Pro pash rusher Aldon Smith. Too soon to start a pool on what defensively-challenged team will decide this young man deserves a fifth or sixth chance?
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The San Francisco 49ers have canceled plans to allow 20,000 fans to watch the team practice at Levi’s Stadium Sunday, due to poor turf conditions and thus the field not being ready. And 40 miles north, it might be the wind, or you might hear the ghost of Candlestick Park laughing.
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The turf at Levi’s Stadium is looking like a serious long-term problem. Fortunately the 49ers seem certain to give the field a long break from usage in the playoff weeks leading up to the 2016 Super Bowl.
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Vanderbilt University has pulled a tweet with the football slogan “We Don’t Need Your Permission.” And they’re supposed to be the smart ones in the SEC?
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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West plan to name their new son “Easton.” I see a new marketing opportunity with Southwest Airlines. #wannagetaway
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So last night’s GOP debate was the most watched primary debate ever. Now it’s making sense; more people tuned in to see Trump than were probably watching his “Apprentice” TV shows.
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Who won the first #GOPDebate debate? Answer seems pretty obvious – advertisers on FOX News. #ratings
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John Kasich said last night that while he believes in “traditional marriage” he accepts the Supreme Court decision, and actually recently went to the wedding of a gay friend. Is Kasich trying hard to prove he is too reasonable to get the GOP nomination?
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For anyone who didn’t know Carly Fiorina before yesterday and was impressed by her debate performance, three words: Google “demon sheep”
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#UniversityofMinnesota AD resigned after being accused by co-workers of groping and sexting them. Cue “Golden Groper” jokes. #goldengophers
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A belated suggestion for Chris Christie when Rand Paul slammed him for giving Obama a “big hug.” So why didn’t the NJ Governor turn around and answer “Senator, when the President of the United States shows up in your state after a major natural disaster, bringing money and the Federal government’s resources to help, the question should be, why DON’T you hug him or her. Because that is no time for partisan politics.”
The US Coast Guard caught a semi-submersible vessel and seized six tons of cocaine off the coast of Mexico. Although they admittedly lost two more tons of the coke while trying to tow the sub ashore. Sounds like it’s going to be a high tide.
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Donald Trump’s campaign now says they believe Fox News is part of ‘an organized attack’ designed to stop his ‘movement.’ Oh, this awful GOP on GOP violence. (No, I can’t quite say that with a straight face. )
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In Michigan. State Rep. Todd Courser was allegedly having an affair with Rep. Cindy Gamrat. Both are “family values” Republicans married to other people. So just your average political hypocrisy.
But now Mr .Courser is alleged to used taxpayer money to have come up with a fake email alleging he had sex with a male prostitute. The idea being to create a “complete smear campaign”, which could be debunked, and would then make the actual affair seem “mild by comparison.” #youREALLYcannotmakethisstuffup
From my funny friend, Alex Kaseberg, “A new poll has Eleanor Roosevelt as the top choice to be the woman on the $10. Of course Kanye West thinks it should be Beyonce.”
Categories: baseball jokes
Tags: 49ers jokes, AldonSmith jokes, Carly Fiorina jokes, dailyshow jokes, GOP debate jokes, Jon Stewart jokes, kasich jokes, levi's stadiums jokes, vanderbilt jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
May 22, 2015
TLC has apparently cancelled “19 Kids and Counting.”
And from the Duggar family, this direct quote from Josh’s statement. “I understood that if I continued down this wrong road that I would end up ruining my life.”
HIS life? But hey, the girls he molested, they would grow up fine with enforced future purity and “side hugs” #sickpuppy
Waiting for the first owners of a small business to say it goes against their religious values to bake a cake for a Duggar family wedding. #duggars
Bus to hell moment. Wonder if the “19 kids” in the title referred to Josh’s tally.
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Some times the best quotes come from the oddest places. This is from Mama June Shannon, Honey Boo Boo’s mom, whose family TLC show was canceled last fall after reports that she was dating a convicted child molester. “”I read that the Duggar family said this happening with their son brought them closer to God and each other. So they’re saying it’s ok to have family touch time? Hell no.”
Seahawks’ DE Michael Bennett says that playing for coach Pete Carroll “is like playing for Willy Wonka.” Well, except for at the end of the movie, Willy Wonka handed off the factory.
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Michael Sam has signed with the CFL Alouettes and says he wants to bring a Grey Cup to Montreal. Give Sam credit, at least he knows what the Grey Cup is.
The San Francisco 49ers and San Diego Chargers first preseason game Sept 3 at Levi’s Stadium is now on Goldstar for half-price. But many fans may want to wait to see how much the teams will offer to pay them to show up.
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Chris Christie now says the media owes him an apology over Bridgegate. Or what, he’ll close New Jersey Transit so they can’t get to work?
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Disney World is trying to crack down on people who use selfie-sticks on rides at their theme parks. Ah, for a machine that could just randomly grab sticks while rides are in operation and throw them and their users off…
Kyrie Irving was out for Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals with left knee tendinitis. Sounds like we are getting ever closer to an NBA version of that baseball cartoon, with LeBron James channeling Bugs Bunny and playing all the positions.
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LA GM Mitch Kupchak says the 2015-16 season will be Bryant’s last with the Lakers “He has indicated to me that this is it.” Kobe has one year and $25 million left on his contract. So is Bryant retiring? Or just not happy with the idea of actually being paid in future for what he is now worth.
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From Marc Ragovin; “Pete Townshend turned 70 the other day. So now instead of singing “Who Are Your?” it’s “Who Am I?”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Christie jokes, Disney jokes, Duggar jokes, Duggarfamily jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, TLC
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May 18, 2015
Sarah Palin just announced today that her daughter Bristol’s May 23 wedding to Dakota Meyer “will not be held.” Amazed she didn’t blame the break-up on all these gay marriages.
(Or maybe someone didn’t want to make a cake for an unwed mother?)
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Generalissmo Francisco Franco and the Clippers are still dead.
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Lindsey Graham says he will announce his 2016 Presidential plans on June 1. As soon as he finds an appropriate closet from which to make the announcement?
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The Miami Marlins fired their manager Mike Redmond and hired GM Dan Jennings for the job. Who last coached 30 years ago- and it was a high school team.. Makes some sense. The Marlins are a pretty sophomoric franchise.
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That biker bar shootout in Waco alas proved once again, that as much as we may fear outside terrorists, we Americans are pretty good at killing each other.
(and if we’re going to really profile people in Texas. Almost all those 170 mugshots were… white men.)
Charlie Weis, who was fired from both Notre Dame and Kansas, is in line to make more than $24 million from both schools AFTER he was terminated. Hmm, well, if this football thing doesn’t work out maybe Weis would be a good fit as Carly Fiorina’s campaign manager?
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So I would take the defenders of religious freedom much more seriously if some of them would start defending the right of bakery owners not to make wedding cakes for ANY winners of #TheBachelor or #TheBachelorette.
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Some people seem to have a problem with Ruth Bader Ginsburg exercising her beliefs by performing same sex marriages. Wonder where they were when Antonin Scalia spoke at Colorado Christian University and said the separation of church and state doesn’t mean “the government cannot favor religion over non-religion…”
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Justin Smith is the latest 49er to retire. Will the last SF star to leave Levi’s Stadium please turn out the lights?
Cincinnati RB Jeremy Hillatch on the Bengals’ need to get to the next round of the playoffs “It’s been four years in a row and if it doesn’t happen this year then it’s probably never going to happen.” Or maybe the team will have to change their name to the Cincinnati Cubs.
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A report says the Buffalo Bills may cut QB EJ Manuel if he doesn’t improve. So sounds like another potential rider on the Jets’ clown car.
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Spectacular. Mailed a small first class package from Los Altos, CA to Winter Park, FL last Monday. It got to San Francisco on Tuesday, left SF on Wednesday, and arrived into ANCHORAGE, AK on Sunday. It apparently left Anchorage today, bound for who knows where.
Who knew the U.S. Post Office was hiring former airline baggage handlers?
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Two more BASE jumpers were unfortunately killed after attempting an illegal jump last weekend at Yosemite. Now, I’m not and have never been an “extreme athlete” and not even sure what the acronym “BASE” stands for. But it seems reasonable that the “S’ is for “Stupid.”
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And in case you’re a regular reader and wondering, or you’ve stumbled on this blog with Google. Yep, Jerry Hough is my dad. I learned to drive the “bus to hell” by myself. But now you probably know where I got the un-PC gene. 🙂
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: 49ers jokes, airline jokes, Bristol Palin jokes, clipper jokes, Janice Hough, jerry hough, Lindsay Grahams jokes, Marlins jokes, the Bachelorette jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
May 4, 2015
Lots of discussion in England over who the new baby Princess looks like. Of course, it will be a long time before we find out the answer to a very important question – was she lucky enough to inherit Aunt Pippa’s bum?
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Open educational note to any idiot who was thinking of making an anti-Mideast/Muslim comment about American Pharoah and his owner Ahmed Sayat. Sayat is Jewish. No joke. You’re welcome.
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Apparently the Brewers’ Ron Roenicke has earned the dubious distinction of being the first MLB manager fired in 2015. On the first weekend in May. Even Cubs fans think that’s giving up a little early.
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Several commentators place the SF 49ers as amongst the teams with the worst 2015 drafts. And if you listen hard, you can hear the giggles all the way from Ann Arbor.
(my friend Karen points out there was an earthquake in Michigan yesterday. So maybe it was Harbaugh doing his happy dance?)
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Tiger Woods has posted on his website that he and Lindsey Vonn “have mutually decided to stop dating.” Well, at least he didn’t call it a “conscious uncoupling.”
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Listening to some experts say that breakup with Lindsey Vonn might help Tiger Woods focus on golf. Thinking Tiger did just fine when he was juggling a wife AND half a dozen waitresses.
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Sure are a lot of people upset today over wasting their money on the “Fight of the Century.” Maybe they’ll all be named honorary SF 49ers Personal Seat License holders.
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So now that the Mayweather-Pacquaio event is over, will fight fans just have to sign up with MLB to stream Kansas City Royals games?
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So many celebrities in Vegas that they ran out of room to park private jets. Wonder how many of the same celebrities had used those same jets to go to events for Earth Day.
A U.K study that included over 2 million people found that those with the highest dementia risk in old age were those who were UNDERWEIGHT. Well, that is at least some comfort to those who worry about an increasing epidemic of dementia in the U.S.
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Client reports a United nonstop from Washington-Dulles to SF today has a PLANNED fuel stop in Wichita. Pilot says it’s because the flight is full and they have to either stop for gas or bump 50 people. On a clear spring day. Right. Because flights in the U.S. these days are never full…. #andairlneswonderwhywedonttrustthem
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SF Giants opened up today’s game with back-to-back home runs. (Aoki and Panik) Last time they did that was 1964 – and the pitcher was Bob Gibson. Wonder how many Giants paid for that feat with knockdown pitches and/or balls in the ribs.
Who’d a thunk this a couple weeks ago? The #SFGiants and #RedSox now have identical 12-13 records.
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Not only going to miss watching the Spurs play for the rest of these playoffs year, going to miss Pop’s interviews: “People ask me about Tim [Duncan] and Manu [Ginobili] and myself for the last five years, what we’re going to do, It’s all psycho babble. I have no clue. We’ll probably come back. Paycheck is pretty good. You think I’m lying.” #honesty
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, American Pharoah jokes, Brewers jokes, fight jokes, Janice Hough, Lindsey Vonn jokes, Mayweather jokes, royal baby jokes, Royals jokes, Tiger Woods jokes, Triple Crown jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
March 23, 2015
Ted Cruz kicked off his campaign with an “Imagine” theme speech, channeling John Lennon, asking students at Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University to “imagine a president repealing every word of Obamacare, imagine a president who finally secures the borders, imagine a president who stands unapologetically with the nation of Israel.’
Guess Cruz forgot about that second verse “Imagine there’s no countries. It isn’t hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for. And no religion too….” #cantfixstupid
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First Donald Trump, now Ted Cruz has joined the 2016 Republican Presidential race. Ironically, the year Ringling Brothers’ circus says they are getting rid of elephants, the elephant party is really getting into the circus business. #clowncar
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Ted Cruz talks about “securing the borders.” You think it might have occurred to him to secure his own domain name. (www.tedcruz.com)
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When you’ve had your giggles checking out tedcruz.com, head on over to tedcruzforamerica.com (Hint to Ted, if you have aspirations of being a leader in the 21st century, might be a good thing to read up on the this internet thing.)
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Let the furry thing on his head fly: When asked about Ted Cruz, Donald Trump said Cruz’s birth certificate “is a hurdle; somebody could certainly look at it very seriously. He was born in Canada. If you know and when we all studied our history lessons, you are supposed to be born in this country, so I just don’t know how the courts will rule on this.”
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The NFL has announced that they will try a one-year suspension of the league blackout policy. Bad news for fans in Tampa. They now have no excuse not to watch the Bucs.
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Bloomsburg University dismissed Joey Casselberry from the baseball team for sending an offensive tweet about Mo’ne Davis, But today on Sportscenter,, Mo’ne said today that he should be reinstated. “Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone deserves a second chance…. I know right now he’s really hurt, and I know how hard he worked just to get to where he is right now.”
Okay, if there wasn’t anyone already rooting for her to make it big….
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New 49ers coach Jim Tomsula to NFL Network about Colin Kaepernick “Statistically and all that kind of stuff, people throw those out there — Colin had his best year, okay?” Hmm, is it time for the league to start checking coaches for concussions?
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Two weeks ago, the SF 49ers signed WR Jerome Simpson, who the Vikings released after multiple arrests. Now they are talking to LB Erin Henderson, who was also released by Minnesota after 2 arrests including a DUI. Well, the 49ers may not make the playoffs, but they could be early favorites for a remake of “The Longest Yard.”
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A judge decided that Robert Durst is a flight risk and denied him bail. This after the FBI found him registered under an assumed name in a New Orleans hotel, with a passport, birth certificate, fake Texas ID, stacks of $100 bills, a gun, bags of marijuana and a latex mask with fake hair… So what was the judge’s first clue?
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All this controversy over the 25th anniversary of “Pretty Woman,” and whether it is sexist, or PC, or whatever. Can we just say, it’s a fun movie, period? And the greatest shopping scene EVER: “Big mistake. Huge.”
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Tonight the Golden State Warriors are celebrating the 40th anniversary of their only NBA championship team. 40 years!? Or as Cubs fans say, “Only yesterday.”
Patriots owner Robert Kraft said today “I know that there is no smoking gun” that could prove the Super Bowl champions guilty in of deflating footballs. Does that also mean “and if there was such a gun, it’s been buried with Jimmy Hoffa?”
From Marc Ragovin “John McCain said that Obama should “get over” the Israeli election. Sure. Just as soon as he gets over the ’08 election.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: #clowncar #cantfixstupid, 49ers jokes, Donald Trump jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, mo'ne davis jokes, NFL jokes, Robert Durst jokes, Ted Cruz jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 17, 2015
Hampton beat Manhattan Tuesday night in the “First Four” to get into the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. Where they will play Kentucky. Sort of like winning a competition between two Christians to meet the lions.
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Stanford beat UC Davis in tonight’s first round of the NIT. And yeah, it’s not exactly a great accomplishment. But but it’s a heck of a lot better than losing in the first round of the NIT. Or losing to UC Davis, anytime. (As former Stanford football coach Walt Harris would tell you – 20-17 in 2005)
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Pete Rose has submitted a new request to be reinstated to baseball. Rose is optimistic this time, figuring his odds are 2 to 1.
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After #ChrisBorland leaving the SF 49ers, who’s next? Presumably some player who’s afraid of drowning inside the sinking ship?
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Chris Borland, 24, is ending his NFL career because of worries about brain damage. Why so young? Maybe only young players still have brains working well enough to think about it.
The Kappa Delta Rho frat at Penn State fraternity has been suspended over allegedly having a “secret Facebook page showing mostly nude women who were ‘sleeping or passed out.'” Wonder how many people at the University are thinking “Thank God they were at least adult women”?
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Passengers on a United flight from Dulles tackled and subdued a possibly drunk or drugged man who was rushing the cockpit soon after takeoff last night. United may or may not reward the passengers, but the Washington Redskins are interested in talking to the men for a tryout on defense.
The Secret Service said a letter mailed to the White House tested “presumptive positive” for cyanide. What was the first clue that made them suspicious? That someone actually mailed a real paper letter to the White House?
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Toronto Blue Jays OF Kevin Pillar apparently injured his oblique while sneezing last weekend. The SF Giants just ordered Jeremy Affeldt to start taking preventive Benadryl.
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Kanye West tweeted nude pictures of Kim Kardashian when she reached 30 million Twitter followers. With all due respect are there any of those 30 million who haven’t already seen her naked?
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Ryanair says their long range plans include transatlantic flights, with fares as low as1 10 pounds. (about $15 USD.) Of course the fees for boarding passes, carry-on bags, checked bags, credit card usage, oxygen masks, seat belts, seat cushions and lavatories etc will push the ticket price up several hundred dollars.
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#StPatricksDay toast: May your troubles last as long as your perfect brackets. #HappyStPatricksDay
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So St. Patrick’s Day in America has become green beer day. Lading to March 18 being “green after too much beer day.”
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House Republicans have introduced another budget with massive spending cuts and yet another proposed repeal of Obamacare. If they really want to make their point, why don’t GOP members in the House offer to give up their own expensive healthcare and shop for alternatives on the open market?
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Illinois Rep. Aaron Schock is resigning his seat over allegations of improper spending, including real estate deals, and using congressional money to redecorate his office in “Downton Abbey” style. Buzzfeed had just reported he also spent $5,000 for a portable podium that looks like the current presidential podium. So clearly this is Obama’s fault.
(My friend Richard Rothschild says “Yet another example of why Illinois consistently is the No. 1 Midwest seed in the National Corruption Tournament.”)
From Marc Ragovin “I’m not saying that Robert Durst is guilty, but he just demanded that a Las Vegas sports memorabilia dealer give him back his stuff.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, airline jokes, Chris Borland jokes, Congress jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes
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March 16, 2015
The “Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.” award for the week goes to Yale. The University is upset because they feel they were snubbed for the NIT Tournament…..
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Most bracket challenges don’t close until Wednesday night. After Tuesday and Wednesday’s “First Four games.” What a downer for four of the eight play-in teams. Not only will they not be Cinderellas, they won’t even get those millions of temporary fans who picked them for their colors, mascots, etc…
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SF 49ers LB Chris Borland, 24, said today he is retiring after his rookie year over concerns about the long-term effects of repetitive head trauma. Maybe the standard NFL concussion worries, but perhaps Borland also feels that being part of the 49ers will result in him repeatedly banging his head against the wall?
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Former SF 49er Ray McDonald, who had charges dropped against him for assaulting his fiancee in August, is now apparently going to sue a woman who accused him of sexual assault in December. (His lawyer says security video says the sex, in a hot-tub was consensual.) Just thinking, whether or not McDonald is guilty of any type of assault, he does seem to be guilty of stupidity. #keepitzipped
Paul McCartney’s ex-wife Heather Mills said in an interview “When I go down the street, I get kids coming up to me… half of them don’t even know who he (McCartney) is. That’s why he has to do songs with Rihanna and Kanye West, so people remember.” Hmm, wonder if “kids” come up to Heather, 47, on the street because they think she’s working on it?
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He thought the mattress would stand its ground? A Florida man was killed when he tried to ride in the back of a pickup truck while sitting on an unsecured mattress and was flung onto the ground. Police reported that “an autopsy is being conducted to determine his cause of death.” How about terminal stupidity?
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ESPN’s Adam Schefter just reported that QB Tim Tebow worked out today for Chip Kelly and the Eagles. ‘Oh please, oh please” said every comedy writer in America.
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SI is reporting that Jameis Winston will stay home with family and friends and will not attend the NFL draft in Chicago. Did they not offer him enough crab legs?
The US HHS Dept says the uninsured rate of American adults fell from 20.3% five years ago before Obamacare , to 13.2%. The largest drop – 35% and over 16 million people – in four decades. The GOP no doubt used this occasion to rail against commie pinko concepts like math.
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Now Jon Voight is saying that President Obama “does not love Israel.” All these people talking about the President and who he loves. It’s like we’re back to having Clinton in office.
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The UK Daily Mail is reporting that Stefano Gabbana of Dolce & Gabbana, who criticized gay parents for having “synthetic children,” was quoted in an Italian newspaper in 2006 as having asked a women friend to have his baby via IVF. Wow. This guy is a big enough hypocrite you wonder if his dream is to leave the fashion world for politics.
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Two former Justice Department lawyers, one from the Obama administration, one from the Bush administration, have written in a Harvard Law Review that Ted Cruz is a “natural born Citizen,” and that “an individual born to a U.S. citizen parent — whether in California or Canada or the Canal Zone — is a U.S. citizen from birth and is fully eligible to serve as President if the people so choose.”
Waiting for some in the GOP to try to add “except if that individual is born in Kenya, or Hawaii.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Clinton jokes, Dolce Gabbana jokes, Heather Mills jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, SF 49ers jokes, Tebow jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 